Nobodyis。"Herepeatedtheloveliestphrase。"Howdoesshemanageit,Landry?You’veworkedwithher。"
Landrydrewcherishinglyonthelastcigarettehemeanttopermithimselfbeforesinging。"Oh,it’saquestionofabigpersonality——andallthatgoeswithit。Brains,ofcourse。Imagination,ofcourse。Buttheimportantthingisthatshewasbornfullofcolor,witharichpersonality。
That’sagiftofthegods,likeafinenose。Youhaveit,oryouhaven’t。Againstit,intelligenceandmusicianshipandhabitsofindustrydon’tcountatall。Singersareaconventionalrace。WhenTheawasstudyinginBerlintheothergirlsweremortallyafraidofher。Shehasapretty
roughhandwithwomen,dullones,andshecouldberude,too!ThegirlsusedtocallherDIEWOLFIN。"
Fredthrusthishandsintohispocketsandleanedbackagainstthepiano。"Ofcourse,evenastupidwomancouldgeteffectswithsuchmachinery:suchavoiceandbodyandface。Buttheycouldn’tpossiblybelongtoastupidwoman,couldthey?"
Landryshookhishead。"It’spersonality;that’sasnearasyoucancometoit。That’swhatconstitutesrealequip—
ment。Whatshedoesisinterestingbecauseshedoesit。
Eventhethingsshediscardsaresuggestive。Iregretsomeofthem。Herconceptionsarecoloredinsomanydifferentways。You’veheardherELIZABETH?Wonderful,isn’tit?
Shewasworkingonthatpartyearsagowhenhermotherwasill。Icouldseeheranxietyandgriefgettingmoreandmoreintothepart。Thelastactisheart—breaking。
It’sashomelyasacountryprayermeeting:mightbeanylonelywomangettingreadytodie。It’sfullofthethingeveryplaincreaturefindsoutforhimself,butthatnevergetswrittendown。It’sunconsciousmemory,maybe;
inheritedmemory,likefolk—music。Icallitpersonality。"
Fredlaughed,andturningtothepianobegancoaxingtheFRICKAmusicagain。"Callitanythingyoulike,myboy。Ihaveanameforitmyself,butIshan’ttellyou。"
HelookedoverhisshoulderatLandry,stretchedoutbythefire。"Youhaveagreattimewatchingher,don’tyou?"
"Oh,yes!"repliedLandrysimply。"I’mnotinterestedinmuchthatgoesoninNewYork。Now,ifyou’llexcuseme,I’llhavetodress。"Herosewithareluctantsigh。
"CanIgetyouanything?Somewhiskey?"
"Thankyou,no。I’llamusemyselfhere。Idon’toftengetachanceatagoodpianowhenI’mawayfromhome。
Youhaven’thadthisonelong,haveyou?Action’sabitstiff。Isay,"hestoppedLandryinthedoorway,"hasTheaeverbeendownhere?"
Landryturnedback。"Yes。ShecameseveraltimeswhenIhaderysipelas。Iwasanicemess,withtwonurses。Shebroughtdownsomeinsidewindow—boxes,plantedwithcrocusesandthings。Verycheering,onlyI
couldn’tseethemorher。"
"Didn’tshelikeyourplace?"
"Shethoughtshedid,butIfancyitwasagooddealclutteredupforhertaste。Icouldhearherpacingaboutlikesomethinginacage。Shepushedthepianobackagainstthewallandthechairsintocorners,andshebrokemyamberelephant。"Landrytookayellowobjectsomefourincheshighfromoneofhislowbookcases。"Youcanseewherehislegisgluedon,——asouvenir。Yes,he’slemonamber,veryfine。"
LandrydisappearedbehindthecurtainsandinamomentFredheardthewheezeofanatomizer。Heputtheamberelephantonthepianobesidehimandseemedtogetagreatdealofamusementoutofthebeast。
IX
WHENArchieandOttenburgdinedwithTheaonSaturdayevening,theywereserveddownstairsinthehoteldining—room,buttheyweretohavetheircoffeeinherownapartment。Astheyweregoingupintheele—
vatorafterdinner,FredturnedsuddenlytoThea。"Andwhy,please,didyoubreakLandry’samberelephant?"
Shelookedguiltyandbegantolaugh。"Hasn’thegotoverthatyet?Ididn’treallymeantobreakit。Iwasper—
hapscareless。Histhingsaresoover—pettedthatIwastemptedtobecarelesswithalotofthem。"
"Howcanyoubesoheartless,whenthey’reallhehasintheworld?"
"Hehasme。I’magreatdealofdiversionforhim;allheneeds。There,"shesaidassheopenedthedoorintoherownhall,"Ishouldn’thavesaidthatbeforetheelevatorboy。"
"Evenanelevatorboycouldn’tmakeascandalaboutOliver。He’ssuchacatnipman。"
Dr。Archielaughed,butThea,whoseemedsuddenlytohavethoughtofsomethingannoying,repeatedblankly,"Catnipman?"
"Yes,helivesoncatnip,andrumtea。Buthe’snottheonlyone。YouarelikeaneccentricoldwomanIknowinBoston,whogoesaboutinthespringfeedingcatniptostreetcats。Youdispenseittoalotoffellows。Yourpullseemstobemorewithmenthanwithwomen,youknow;
withseasonedmen,aboutmyage,orolder。EvenonFri—
dayafternoonIkeptrunningintothem,oldboysIhadn’tseenforyears,thinatthepartandthickatthegirth,untilIstoodstillinthedraftandheldmyhairon。They’real—
waysthere;Ihearthemtalkingaboutyouinthesmoking—
room。Probablywedon’tgettothepointofapprehendinganythinggooduntilwe’reaboutforty。Then,inthelightofwhatisgoing,andofwhat,Godhelpus!iscoming,wearriveatunderstanding。"
"Idon’tseewhypeoplegototheopera,anyway,——seri—
ouspeople。"Shespokediscontentedly。"Isupposetheygetsomething,orthinktheydo。Here’sthecoffee。There,please,"shedirectedthewaiter。Goingtothetableshebe—
gantopourthecoffee,standing。Sheworeawhitedresstrimmedwithcrystalswhichhadrattledagooddealdur—
ingdinner,asallhermovementshadbeenimpatientandnervous,andshehadtwistedthedarkvelvetroseathergirdleuntilitlookedrumpledandweary。Shepouredthecoffeeasifitwereaceremonyinwhichshedidnotbelieve。
"CanyoumakeanythingofFred’snonsense,Dr。Archie?"
sheasked,ashecametotakehiscup。
Fredapproachedher。"Mynonsenseisallright。Thesamebrandhasgonewithyoubefore。It’syouwhowon’tbejollied。What’sthematter?Youhavesomethingonyourmind。"
"I’veagooddeal。Toomuchtobeanagreeablehos—
tess。"Sheturnedquicklyawayfromthecoffeeandsatdownonthepianobench,facingthetwomen。"Foronething,there’sachangeinthecastforFridayafternoon。
They’regoingtoletmesingSIEGLINDE。"Herfrowndidnotconcealthepleasurewithwhichshemadethisannounce—
ment。
"Areyougoingtokeepusdanglingabouthereforever,Thea?ArchieandIaresupposedtohaveotherthingstodo。"Fredlookedatherwithanexcitementquiteasap—
parentasherown。
"HereI’vebeenreadytosingSIEGLINDEfortwoyears,keptintorment,andnowitcomesoffwithintwoweeks,justwhenIwanttobeseeingsomethingofDr。Archie。I
don’tknowwhattheirplansaredownthere。AfterFridaytheymayletmecoolforseveralweeks,andtheymayrush
me。IsupposeitdependssomewhatonhowthingsgoFri—
dayafternoon。"
"Oh,they’llgofastenough!That’sbettersuitedtoyourvoicethananythingyou’vesunghere。ThatgivesyoueveryopportunityI’vewaitedfor。"Ottenburgcrossedtheroomandstandingbesideherbegantoplay"DUBISTDERLENZ。"
WithaviolentmovementTheacaughthiswristsandpushedhishandsawayfromthekeys。
"Fred,can’tyoubeserious?AthousandthingsmayhappenbetweenthisandFridaytoputmeout。Some—
thingwillhappen。Ifthatpartweresungwell,aswellasitoughttobe,itwouldbeoneofthemostbeautifulthingsintheworld。That’swhyitneverissungright,andneverwillbe。"Sheclenchedherhandsandopenedthemde—
spairingly,lookingoutoftheopenwindow。"It’sinac—
cessiblybeautiful!"shebroughtoutsharply。
FredandDr。Archiewatchedher。Inamomentsheturnedbacktothem。"It’simpossibletosingapartlikethatwellforthefirsttime,exceptforthesortwhowillneversingitanybetter。Everythinghangsonthatfirstnight,andthat’sboundtobebad。Thereyouare,"sheshruggedimpatiently。"Foronething,theychangethecastattheeleventhhourandthenrehearsethelifeoutofme。"
Ottenburgputdownhiscupwithexaggeratedcare。
"Still,youreallywanttodoit,youknow。"
"Wantto?"sherepeatedindignantly;"ofcourseIwantto!IfthiswereonlynextThursdaynight——ButbetweennowandFridayI’lldonothingbutfretawaymystrength。
Oh,I’mnotsayingIdon’tneedtherehearsals!ButI
don’tneedthemstrungoutthroughaweek。Thatsys—
tem’swellenoughforphlegmaticsingers;itonlydrainsme。Everysinglefeatureofoperaticroutineisdetri—
mentaltome。Iusuallygoonlikeahorsethat’sbeenfixedtolosearace。Ihavetoworkhardtodomyworst,
letalonemybest。Iwishyoucouldhearmesingwell,once,"sheturnedtoFreddefiantly;"Ihave,afewtimesinmylife,whentherewasnothingtogainbyit。"
Fredapproachedheragainandheldouthishand。"I
recallmyinstructions,andnowI’llleaveyoutofightitoutwithArchie。Hecan’tpossiblyrepresentmanagerialstu—
piditytoyouasIseemtohaveagiftfordoing。"
Ashesmileddownather,hisgoodhumor,hisgoodwishes,hisunderstanding,embarrassedherandrecalledhertoherself。Shekeptherseat,stillholdinghishand。
"Allthesame,Fred,isn’tittoobad,thattherearesomanythings——"Shebrokeoffwithashakeofthehead。
"Mydeargirl,ifIcouldbridgeovertheagonybetweennowandFridayforyou——Butyouknowtherulesofthegame;whytormentyourself?Yousawtheothernightthatyouhadthepartunderyourthumb。Nowwalk,sleep,playwithArchie,keepyourtigerhungry,andshe’llspringallrightonFriday。I’llbetheretoseeher,andthere’llbemorethanI,Isuspect。Harsanyi’sontheWilhelmderGrosse;getsinonThursday。"
"Harsanyi?"Thea’seyelighted。"Ihaven’tseenhimforyears。Wealwaysmisseachother。"Shepaused,hesi—
tating。"Yes,Ishouldlikethat。Buthe’llbebusy,may—
be?"
"HegiveshisfirstconcertatCarnegieHall,weekafternext。Bettersendhimaboxifyoucan。"
"Yes,I’llmanageit。"Theatookhishandagain。"Oh,Ishouldlikethat,Fred!"sheaddedimpulsively。"EvenifIwereputout,he’dgettheidea,"——shethrewbackherhead,——"forthereisanidea!"
"Whichwon’tpenetratehere,"hetappedhisbrowandbegantolaugh。"Youareanungratefulhuzzy,COMMELES
AUTRES!"
Theadetainedhimasheturnedaway。Shepulledafloweroutofabouquetonthepianoandabsentlydrewthestemthroughthelapelofhiscoat。"Ishallbewalking
intheParkto—morrowafternoon,onthereservoirpath,betweenfourandfive,ifyoucaretojoinme。YouknowthatafterHarsanyiI’dratherpleaseyouthananyoneelse。
Youknowalot,butheknowsevenmorethanyou。"
"Thankyou。Don’ttrytoanalyzeit。SCHLAFENSIE
WOHL!"hekissedherfingersandwavedfromthedoor,closingitbehindhim。
"He’stherightsort,Thea。"Dr。Archielookedwarmlyafterhisdisappearingfriend。"I’vealwayshopedyou’dmakeitupwithFred。"
"Well,haven’tI?Oh,marryhim,youmean!Perhapsitmaycomeabout,someday。Justatpresenthe’snotinthemarriagemarketanymorethanIam,ishe?"
"No,Isupposenot。It’sadamnedshamethatamanlikeOttenburgshouldbetiedupasheis,wastingallthebestyearsofhislife。Awomanwithgeneralparesisoughttobelegallydead。"
"Don’tletustalkaboutFred’swife,please。Hehadnobusinesstogetintosuchamess,andhehadnobusinesstostayinit。He’salwaysbeenasoftywherewomenwereconcerned。"
"Mostofusare,I’mafraid,"Dr。Archieadmittedmeekly。
"Toomuchlightinhere,isn’tthere?Tiresone’seyes。
Thestagelightsarehardonmine。"Theabeganturningthemout。"We’llleavethelittleone,overthepiano。"
ShesankdownbyArchieonthedeepsofa。"Wetwohavesomuchtotalkaboutthatwekeepawayfromitaltogether;
haveyounoticed?Wedon’tevennibbletheedges。IwishwehadLandryhereto—nighttoplayforus。He’sverycomforting。"
"I’mafraidyoudon’thaveenoughpersonallife,outsideyourwork,Thea。"Thedoctorlookedatheranxiously。
Shesmiledathimwithhereyeshalfclosed。"Mydeardoctor,Idon’thaveany。Yourworkbecomesyourper—
sonallife。Youarenotmuchgooduntilitdoes。It’slike
beingwovenintoabigweb。Youcan’tpullaway,becauseallyourlittletendrilsarewovenintothepicture。Ittakesyouup,andusesyou,andspinsyouout;andthatisyourlife。Notmuchelsecanhappentoyou。"
"Didn’tyouthinkofmarrying,severalyearsago?"
"YoumeanNordquist?Yes;butIchangedmymind。
Wehadbeensingingagooddealtogether。He’sasplendidcreature。"
"Wereyoumuchinlovewithhim,Thea?"thedoctoraskedhopefully。
Shesmiledagain。"Idon’tthinkIknowjustwhatthatexpressionmeans。I’veneverbeenabletofindout。I
thinkIwasinlovewithyouwhenIwaslittle,butnotwithanyonesincethen。Thereareagreatmanywaysofcaringforpeople。It’snot,afterall,asimplestate,likemeaslesortonsilitis。Nordquistisatakingsortofman。
HeandIwereoutinarowboatonceinaterriblestorm。
Thelakewasfedbyglaciers,——icewater,——andwecouldn’thaveswumastrokeiftheboathadfilled。Ifwehadn’tbothbeenstrongandkeptourheads,we’dhavegonedown。Wepulledforeveryouncetherewasinus,andwejustgotoffwithourlives。Wewerealwaysbeingthrowntogetherlikethat,undersomekindofpressure。
Yes,forawhileIthoughthewouldmakeeverythingright。"Shepausedandsankback,restingherheadonacushion,pressinghereyelidsdownwithherfingers。"Yousee,"shewentonabruptly,"hehadawifeandtwochil—
dren。Hehadn’tlivedwithherforseveralyears,butwhensheheardthathewantedtomarryagain,shebegantomaketrouble。Heearnedagooddealofmoney,buthewascarelessandalwayswretchedlyindebt。Hecametomeonedayandtoldmehethoughthiswifewouldsettleforahundredthousandmarksandconsenttoadivorce。
Igotveryangryandsenthimaway。Nextdayhecamebackandsaidhethoughtshe’dtakefiftythousand。"
Dr。Archiedrewawayfromher,totheendofthesofa。
"GoodGod,Thea,"——Heranhishandkerchiefoverhisforehead。"Whatsortofpeople——"Hestoppedandshookhishead。
Thearoseandstoodbesidehim,herhandonhisshoul—
der。"That’sexactlyhowitstruckme,"shesaidquietly。
"Oh,wehavethingsincommon,thingsthatgoawayback,undereverything。Youunderstand,ofcourse。Nordquistdidn’t。HethoughtIwasn’twillingtopartwiththemoney。Icouldn’tletmyselfbuyhimfromFruNord—
quist,andhecouldn’tseewhy。HehadalwaysthoughtI
wascloseaboutmoney,soheattributedittothat。Iamcareful,"——sheranherarmthroughArchie’sandwhenherosebegantowalkabouttheroomwithhim。"I
can’tbecarelesswithmoney。Ibegantheworldonsixhundreddollars,anditwasthepriceofaman’slife。RayKennedyhadworkedhardandbeensoberanddeniedhim—
self,andwhenhediedhehadsixhundreddollarstoshowforit。Ialwaysmeasurethingsbythatsixhundreddol—
lars,justasImeasurehighbuildingsbytheMoonstonestandpipe。Therearestandardswecan’tgetawayfrom。"
Dr。Archietookherhand。"Idon’tbelieveweshouldbeanyhappierifwedidgetawayfromthem。Ithinkitgivesyousomeofyourpoise,havingthatanchor。Youlook,"glancingdownatherheadandshoulders,"some—
timessolikeyourmother。"
"Thankyou。Youcouldn’tsayanythingnicertomethanthat。OnFridayafternoon,didn’tyouthink?"
"Yes,butatothertimes,too。Ilovetoseeit。DoyouknowwhatIthoughtaboutthatfirstnightwhenIheardyousing?IkeptrememberingthenightItookcareofyouwhenyouhadpneumonia,whenyouweretenyearsold。
Youwereaterriblysickchild,andIwasacountrydoctorwithoutmuchexperience。Therewerenooxygentanksaboutthen。Youprettynearlyslippedawayfromme。
Ifyouhad——"
Theadroppedherheadonhisshoulder。"I’dhave
savedmyselfandyoualotoftrouble,wouldn’tI?DearDr。Archie!"shemurmured。
"Asforme,lifewouldhavebeenaprettybleakstretch,withyouleftout。"Thedoctortookoneofthecrystalpendantsthathungfromhershoulderandlookedintoitthoughtfully。"IguessI’maromanticoldfellow,under—
neath。Andyou’vealwaysbeenmyromance。Thoseyearswhenyouweregrowingupweremyhappiest。WhenIdreamaboutyou,Ialwaysseeyouasalittlegirl。"
Theypausedbytheopenwindow。"Doyou?Nearlyallmydreams,exceptthoseaboutbreakingdownonthestageormissingtrains,areaboutMoonstone。Youtellmetheoldhousehasbeenpulleddown,butitstandsinmymind,everystickandtimber。InmysleepIgoallaboutit,andlookintherightdrawersandcupboardsforeverything。IoftendreamthatI’mhuntingformyrub—
bersinthatpileofovershoesthatwasalwaysunderthehatrackinthehall。Ipickupeveryovershoeandknowwhoseitis,butIcan’tfindmyown。ThentheschoolbellbeginstoringandIbegintocry。That’sthehouseIrestinwhenI’mtired。Alltheoldfurnitureandthewornspotsinthecarpet——itrestsmymindtogooverthem。"
Theywerelookingoutofthewindow。Theakepthisarm。Downontheriverfourbattleshipswereanchoredinline,brilliantlylighted,andlauncheswerecomingandgoing,bringingthemenashore。Asearchlightfromoneoftheironcladswasplayingonthegreatheadlanduptheriver,whereitmakesitsfirstresoluteturn。Overheadthenight—blueskywasintenseandclear。
"There’ssomuchthatIwanttotellyou,"shesaidatlast,"andit’shardtoexplain。Mylifeisfullofjealousiesanddisappointments,youknow。Yougettohatingpeoplewhodocontemptibleworkandwhogetonjustaswellasyoudo。Therearemanydisappointmentsinmyprofession,andbitter,bittercontempts!"Herfacehardened,andlookedmucholder。"Ifyoulovethegoodthingvitally,enoughto
giveupforitallthatonemustgiveupforit,thenyoumusthatethecheapthingjustashard。Itellyou,thereissuchathingascreativehate!Acontemptthatdrivesyouthroughfire,makesyouriskeverythingandloseeverything,makesyoualongsightbetterthanyoueverknewyoucouldbe。"AssheglancedatDr。Archie’sface,Theastoppedshortandturnedherownfaceaway。Hereyesfollowedthepathofthesearchlightuptheriverandrestedupontheilluminedheadland。
"Yousee,"shewentonmorecalmly,"voicesareacci—
dentalthings。Youfindplentyofgoodvoicesincommonwomen,withcommonmindsandcommonhearts。LookatthatwomanwhosangORTRUDEwithmelastweek。She’snewhereandthepeoplearewildabouther。`Suchabeau—
tifulvolumeoftone!’theysay。Igiveyoumywordshe’sasstupidasanowlandascoarseasapig,andanyonewhoknowsanythingaboutsingingwouldseethatinaninstant。Yetshe’squiteaspopularasNecker,who’sagreatartist。HowcanIgetmuchsatisfactionoutoftheenthusiasmofahousethatlikesheratrociouslybadper—
formanceatthesametimethatitpretendstolikemine?
Iftheylikeher,thentheyoughttohissmeoffthestage。
Westandforthingsthatareirreconcilable,absolutely。
Youcan’ttrytodothingsrightandnotdespisethepeo—
plewhodothemwrong。HowcanIbeindifferent?Ifthatdoesn’tmatter,thennothingmatters。Well,some—
timesI’vecomehomeasIdidtheothernightwhenyoufirstsawme,sofullofbitternessthatitwasasifmymindwerefullofdaggers。AndI’vegonetosleepandwakenedupintheKohlers’garden,withthepigeonsandthewhiterabbits,sohappy!Andthatsavesme。"Shesatdownonthepianobench。Archiethoughtshehadforgottenallabouthim,untilshecalledhisname。Hervoicewassoftnow,andwonderfullysweet。Itseemedtocomefromsome—
wheredeepwithinher,thereweresuchstrongvibrationsinit。"Yousee,Dr。Archie,whatonereallystrivesforin
artisnotthesortofthingyouarelikelytofindwhenyoudropinforaperformanceattheopera。Whatonestrivesforissofaraway,sodeep,sobeautiful"——sheliftedhershoulderswithalongbreath,foldedherhandsinherlapandsatlookingathimwitharesignationthatmadeherfacenoble,——"thatthere’snothingonecansayaboutit,Dr。Archie。"
Withoutknowingverywellwhatitwasallabout,Archiewaspassionatelystirredforher。"I’vealwaysbe—
lievedinyou,Thea;alwaysbelieved,"hemuttered。
Shesmiledandclosedhereyes。"Theysaveme:theoldthings,thingsliketheKohlers’garden。Theyareinevery—
thingIdo。"
"Inwhatyousing,youmean?"
"Yes。Notinanydirectway,"——shespokehurriedly,——"thelight,thecolor,thefeeling。Mostofallthefeeling。
ItcomesinwhenI’mworkingonapart,likethesmellofagardencominginatthewindow。Itryallthenewthings,andthengobacktotheold。Perhapsmyfeelingswerestrongerthen。Achild’sattitudetowardeverythingisanartist’sattitude。Iammoreorlessofanartistnow,butthenIwasnothingelse。WhenIwentwithyoutoChicagothatfirsttime,Icarriedwithmetheessentials,thefoundationofallIdonow。ThepointtowhichIcouldgowasscratchedinmethen。Ihaven’treachedityet,byalongway。"
Archiehadaswiftflashofmemory。Picturespassedbeforehim。"Youmean,"heaskedwonderingly,"thatyouknewthenthatyouweresogifted?"
Thealookedupathimandsmiled。"Oh,Ididn’tknowanything!NotenoughtoaskyouformytrunkwhenI
neededit。Butyousee,whenIsetoutfromMoonstonewithyou,Ihadhadarich,romanticpast。Ihadlivedalong,eventfullife,andanartist’slife,everyhourofit。
Wagnersays,inhismostbeautifulopera,thatartisonlyawayofrememberingyouth。Andtheolderwegrowthe
morepreciousitseemstous,andthemorerichlywecanpresentthatmemory。Whenwe’vegotitallout,——thelast,thefinestthrillofit,thebrightesthopeofit,"——sheliftedherhandaboveherheadanddroppedit,——"thenwestop。Wedonothingbutrepeatafterthat。Thestreamhasreachedthelevelofitssource。That’sourmeasure。"
Therewasalong,warmsilence。Theawaslookinghardatthefloor,asifshewereseeingdownthroughyearsandyears,andheroldfriendstoodwatchingherbenthead。
第34章