"Thatisonewayofbeginning,"saidBettina。"Infact,itistheonlyway。"
Hedidnottellherthathelikedthat,butheknewthathedidlikeitandthathermerewordstouchedhimlikeaspur。
Itwas,ofcourse,herlifelongbreathingoftheatmosphereofmillionswhichmadeforthisfashionofmovingatonceinthedirectionofobstaclespresentingtotherestoftheworldbarriersseeminglyinsurmountable。Andyettherewassomethingelseinit,somequalityofnaturewhichdidnotalonesuggesttheomnipotenceofwealth,butanotherthingwhichmightbeevenstrongerandthereforecarriedconviction。Hewhohadragedandclenchedhishandsinthefaceofhisknowledgeoftheaspecthisdreamwouldhavepresentedifhehadrevealedittotheordinarypracticalmind,feltthatapointofviewlikethiswasgoodforhim。Therewasinitstimulusforafleetingmomentatleast。
"Thatisagoodidea,"heanswered。"Whereshouldyoubegin?"
Sherepliedquiteseriously,thoughhecouldhaveimaginedsomegirlsrathersimperingoverthequestionasacasualjoke。
"Onewouldbeginatthefences,"shesaid。"Don’tyouthinkso?"
"Thatispractical。"
"ThatiswhereIshallbeginatStornham,"reflectively。
"YouaregoingtobeginatStornham?"
"Howcouldonehelpit?Itisnotaslargeorassplendidasthishasbeen,butitislikeitinaway。Anditwillbelongtomysister’sson。No,Icouldnothelpit。"
"Isupposeyoucouldnot。"Therewasahintofwhollyunconsciousresentmentinhistone。Hewasthinkingthattheeffectproducedbytheirboundlesswealthwastomakethesepeoplefeelasaraceofgiantsmight——eventheirwomenunknowinglyrevealedit。
"No,Icouldnot,"washerreply。"IsupposeIamonthewholeasortofcommercialworkingperson。Ihavenodoubtitiscommercial,thatinstinctwhichmakesoneresentseeingthingslosetheirvalue。"
"Shallyoubeginitforthatreason?"
"Partlyforthatone——partlyforanother。"Sheheldoutherhandtohim。"Lookatthelengthoftheshadows。I
mustgo。Thankyou,LordMountDunstan,forshowingmetheplace,andthankyouforundeceivingme。"
Heheldthesidegateopenforherandliftedhiscapasshepassedthrough。Headmittedtohimself,withsomereluctance,thathewasnotcontentthatsheshouldgoevenyet,but,ofcourse,shemustgo。Therepassedthroughhismindaremotewonderwhyhehadsuddenlyunbosomedhimselftoherinawaysoextraordinarilyunlikehimself。Itwas,hethoughtnext,becauseashehadtakenheraboutfromoneplacetoanotherhehadknownthatshehadseeninthingswhathehadseeninthemsolong——themelancholyloneliness,thesignificanceofit,thelosthopesthatlaybehindit,thetouchingpainofthestatelinesswrecked。Shehadshownitinthewayinwhichshetenderlylookedfromsidetoside,intheverylightnessofherfootfall,inthebluebellsofteningofhereyes。Oh,yes,shehadunderstoodandcared,Americanasshewas!Shehadfeltitall,evenwithherhideousbackgroundofFifthAvenuebehindher。
Whenhehadspokenithadbeenininvoluntaryresponsetoanemotioninherself。
Sohestood,thinking,asheforsometimewatchedherwalkingupthesunset—glowingroad。
CHAPTERXVI
THEPARTICULARINCIDENT
BettyVanderpoel’swalkbacktoStornhamdidnot,longthoughitwas,givehertimetofollowtoitsendthethreadofherthoughts。Mentallyshewalkedagainwithheruncommunicativeguide,throughwoodpathsandgardens,andstoodgazingatthegreatblind—facedhouse。Shehadnotgiventhemanmorethananoccasionalglanceuntilhehadtoldherhisname。Shehadbeentoomuchabsorbed,toomuchmoved,bywhatshehadbeenseeing。Shewondered,ifshehadbeenmoreawareofhim,whetherhisfacewouldhaverevealedagreatdeal。Shebelieveditwouldnot。Hehadmadehimselfoutwardlystolid。Butthethingmusthavebeenbitter。
Tohimthewholestoryofthesplendidpastwasfamiliarevenifthroughhisownlifehehadlookedononlyatgradualdecay。Theremustbestoriesenoughofmenandwomenwhohadlivedintheplace,ofwhattheyhaddone,ofhowtheyhadloved,ofwhattheyhadcountedforintheircountry’swarsandpeacemakings,greatfunctionsandlaw—building。Tobeabletolookbackthroughcenturiesandknowofone’sbloodthatsometimesithadbeenshedinthedoingofgreatdeeds,mustbeathingtoremember。Torealisethatthecourageandhonourhadbeenlostinignoblemodernvices,whichnosenseofdignityandreverenceforraceandnamehadrestrained——
mustbebitter——bitter!Andintheroleofaservanttoleadastrangeraboutamongtheruinsofwhathadbeen——thatmusthavebeenbitter,too。ForamomentBettyfeltthebitternessofitherselfandherredmouthtookuponitselfagrimline。
Theworstofitforhimwasthathewasnotofthatstrainofhisracewhohadbeenthe"badlot。"The"badlot"hadbeentheweaklot,thevicious,theself—degrading。
Scandalswhichhadshutmenoutfromtheirclassandkindwereusuallyofanuglytype。Thismanhadastrongjaw,apowerful,healthybody,andclean,thoughperhapshard,eyes。
TheFirstManofthem,whohewedhiswaytothefront,whostoodfierceinthefaceofthings,whowonthefirstlandsandlaidthefirststones,mighthavebeenlikehiminbuildandlook。
"It’sadisgustingthing,"shesaidtoherself,"tothinkofthecorruptweaklingsthestrongonesdwindleddownto。I
hatethem。Sodoeshe。"
Therehadbeenmanysuchoflateyears,sheknew。ShehadseentheminParis,inRome,eveninNewYork。Thingswiththinorover—thickbodiesandrecedingchinsandforeheads;
thingshauntingplacesofamusementandfindinginordinateentertainmentinstrangejokesandhorseplay。Sheherselfhadhotbloodandafiercestrengthofrebellion,andshewaswonderinghow,ifthefatherandelderbrotherhadbeenthe"badlot,"hehadmanagedtostandstill,lookingon,andkeepinghishandsoffthem。
ThelastgoldofthesunwasmellowingthegreystoneoftheterraceandenrichingthegreenoftheweedsthrustingthemselvesintolifebetweentheunevenflagswhenshereachedStornham,andpassingthroughthehousefoundLadyAnstrutherssittingthere。Insustenanceofherefforttokeepupappearances,shehadputonaweirdlittlemuslindressandhadelaboratedthedressingofherthinhair。Itwasnolongerdraggedbackstraightfromherface,andshelookedatriflelessabject,evenashadeprettier。Bettinasatupontheedgeofthebalustradeandtouchedthehairwithlightfingers,rufflingitalittlebecomingly。
"Ifyouhadwornitlikethisyesterday,"shesaid,"Ishouldhaveknownyou。"
"Shouldyou,Betty?IneverlookintoamirrorifIcanhelpit,butwhenIdoIneverknowmyself。ThethingthatstaresbackatmewithitspaleeyesisnotRosy。But,ofcourse,everyonegrowsold。"
"Notnow!Peoplearejustdiscoveringhowtogrowyounginstead。"
LadyAnstrutherslookedintotheclearcourageofherlaughingeyes。
"Somehow,"shesaid,"yousaystrangethingsinsuchawaythatonefeelsasiftheymustbetrue,however——howeverunlikeanythingelsetheyare。"
"Theyarenotasnewastheyseem,"saidBetty。"Ancientphilosopherssaidthingslikethemcenturiesago,butpeopledidnotbelievethem。Wearejustbeginningtodragthemoutofthedustandfurbishthemupandpretendtheyareours,justaspeoplerubupandadornthemselveswithjewelsdugoutofexcavations。"
"InAmericapeoplethinksomanynewthings,"saidpoorlittleLadyAnstrutherswithyearninghumbleness。
"Thewholecivilisedworldisthinkingwhatyoucallnewthings,"saidBetty。"Theoldoneswon’tdo。Theyhavebeentried,andthoughtheyhavehelpedustotheplacewehavereached,theycannothelpusanyfarther。Wemustbeginagain。"
"ItissuchalongtimesinceIbegan,"saidRosy,"suchalongtime。"
"Thentheremustbeanotherbeginningforyou,too。Thehourhasstruck。"
LadyAnstruthersrosewithasinvoluntaryamovementasifastronghandhaddrawnhertoherfeet。ShestoodfacingBetty,apatheticlittlefigureinherwashed—outmuslinfrockandwithherwashed—outfaceandeyesandbeing,thoughonherfadedcheeksaflushwasrising。
"Oh,Betty!"shesaid,"Idon’tknowwhatthereisaboutyou,butthereissomethingwhichmakesonefeelasifyoubelievedeverythingandcoulddoeverything,andasifonebelievesYOU。Whateveryouweretosay,youwouldmakeitseemTRUE。IfyousaidthewildestthingintheworldIshouldBELIEVEyou。"
Bettygotup,too,andtherewasanextraordinarysteadinessinhereyes。
"Youmay,"sheanswered。"Ishallnever"m.kanbaapp点com"sayonethingtoyouwhichisnotatruth,notonesinglething。"
"Ibelievethat,"saidRosyAnstruthers,withaquiveringmouth。"Idobelieveitso。"
"IwalkedtoMountDunstan,"Bettysaidlater。
"Really?"saidRosy。"Thereandback?"
"Yes,andallroundtheparkandthegardens。"
Rosylookedratheruncertain。
"Weren’tyoualittleafraidofmeetingsomeone?"
"Ididmeetsomeone。AtfirstItookhimforagame—
keeper。ButheturnedouttobeLordMountDunstan。"
LadyAnstruthersgasped。
"Whatdidhedo?"sheexclaimed。"Didhelookangryatseeingastranger?Theysayheissoill—temperedandrude。"
"Ishouldfeelill—temperedifIwereinhisplace,"saidBetty。"Hehasenoughtorousehisevilpassionsandmakehimsavage。Whatafateforamanwithanysenseanddecencyoffeeling!Whatfoolsandcriminalsthelastgenerationofhishousemusthaveproduced!Iwonderhowsuchthingsevolvethemselves。Butheisdifferent——different。Onecanseeit。Ifhehadachance——justhalfachance——hewouldbuilditallupagain。AndIdon’tmeanmerelytheplace,butallthatonemeanswhenonesays`hishouse。’"
"Hewouldneedagreatdealofmoney,"sighedLadyAnstruthers。
Bettynoddedslowlyasshelookedout,reflecting,intothepark。
"Yes,itwouldrequiremoney,"washeradmission。
"Andhehasnone,"LadyAnstruthersadded。"Nonewhatever。"
"Hewillgetsome,"saidBetty,stillreflecting。"Hewillmakeit,ordigitup,orsomeonewillleaveittohim。Thereisagreatdealofmoneyintheworld,andwhenastrongcreatureoughttohavesomeofithegetsit。"
"Oh,Betty!"saidRosy。"Oh,Betty!"
"Watchthatman,"saidBetty;"youwillsee。Itwillcome。"
LadyAnstruthers’mind,workingatnotimeoncomplexlines,presentedherwithasimplemodernsolution。
"PerhapshewillmarryanAmerican,"shesaid,andsayingit,sighedagain。
"Hewillnotdoitonpurpose。"BettinaansweredslowlyandwithsuchanairofabsenceofmindthatRosylaughedalittle。
"Willhedoitaccidentally,oragainsthiswill?"shesaid。
Bettyherselfsmiled。
"Perhapshewill,"shesaid。"ThereareEnglishmenwhoratherdislikeAmericans。Ithinkheisoneofthem。"
ItapparentlybecamenecessaryforLadyAnstruthers,amomentlater,toleanuponthestonebalustradeandpickoffayoungleaforso,fornoreasonwhatever,unlessthatindoingsosheavertedherlookfromhersisterasshemadehernextremark。
"Areyou——whenareyougoingtowritetofatherandmother?"
"Ihavewritten,"withunembarrassedevennessoftone。
"Motherwillbecountingthedays。"
"Mother!"Rosybreathed,withasoftlittlegasp。"Mother!"andturnedherfacefartheraway。"Whatdidyoutellher?"
Bettymovedovertoherandstoodcloseatherside。Thepowerofherpersonalityenvelopedthetremulouscreatureasifithadbeenasenseofwarmth。
"Itoldherhowbeautifultheplacewas,andhowUghtredadoredyou——andhowyoulovedusall,andlongedtoseeNewYorkagain。"
ThereliefinthepoorlittlefacewassoimmensethatBetty’sheartshookbeforeit。LadyAnstrutherslookedupatherwithadoringeyes。
"Imighthaveknown,"shesaid;"Imighthaveknownthat——thatyouwouldonlysaytherightthing。Youcouldn’tsaythewrongthing,Betty。"
Bettybentoverherandspokealmostyearningly。
"Whateverhappens,"shesaid,"wewilltakecarethatmotherisnothurt。She’stookind——she’stoogood——she’stootender。"
"ThatiswhatIhaveremembered,"saidLadyAnstruthersbrokenly。"SheusedtoholdmeonherlapwhenIwasquitegrownup。Oh!hersoft,warmarms——herwarmshoulder!
Ihavesowantedher。"
"Shehaswantedyou,"Bettyanswered。"Shethinksofyoujustasshedidwhensheheldyouonherlap。"
"Butifshesawmenow——lookinglikethis!Ifshesawme!SometimesIhaveevenbeengladtothinksheneverwould。"
"Shewill。"Betty’stonewascoolandclear。"ButbeforeshedoesIshallhavemadeyoulooklikeyourself。"
LadyAnstruthers’thinhandclosedonherpluckedleavesconvulsively,andthenopeningletthemdropuponthestoneoftheterrace。
"Weshallneverseeeachother。Itwouldn’tbepossible,"
shesaid。"Andthereisnomagicintheworldnow,Betty。
Youcan’tbringback————"
"Yes,youcan,"saidBettina。"Andwhatusedtobecalledmagicisonlythecontrolledworkingofthelawandorderofthingsinthesedays。Wemusttalkitallover。"
LadyAnstruthersbecamealittlepale。
"What?"sheasked,lowandnervously,andBettysawherglancesidewaysatthewindowsoftheroomwhichopenedontotheterrace。
Bettytookherhandanddrewherdownintoachair。Shesatnearherandlookedherstraightintheface。
"Don’tbefrightened,"shesaid。"Itellyouthereisnoneedtobefrightened。WearenotlivingintheMiddleAges。ThereisapolicemaneveninStornhamvillage,andwearewithinfourhoursofLondon,wheretherearethousands。"
LadyAnstrutherstriedtolaugh,butdidnotsucceedverywell,andherforeheadflushed。
"Idon’tquiteknowwhyIseemsonervous,"shesaid。
"It’sverysillyofme。"
Shewasstilltimidenoughtoclingtosomeragofpretence,butBettyknewthatitwouldfallaway。Shedidthewisestpossiblething,whichwastomakeanapparentlyimpersonalremark。
"Iwantyoutogoovertheplacewithmeandshowmeeverything。Wallsandfencesandgreenhousesandoutbuildingsmustnotbeallowedtocrumbleaway。"
"What?"criedRosy。"Haveyouseenallthatalready?"
Sheactuallystaredather。"Howpracticaland——andAmerican!"
"Toseethatawallhasfallenwhenyoufindyourselfobligedtowalkroundapileofgrass—grownbrickwork?"saidBetty。
LadyAnstruthersstillsoftlystared。
"What——whatareyouthinkingof?"sheasked。
"Thinkingthatitisalltoobeautiful————"Betty’slooksweptthelovelinessspreadabouther,"toobeautifulandtoovaluabletobeallowedtoloseitsvalueanditsbeauty。"SheturnedhereyesbacktoRosyandthedeepdimplenearhermouthshoweditselfdelightfully。"Itisathrowingawayofcapital,"
sheadded。
"Oh!"criedLadyAnstruthers,"howcleveryouare!
Andyoulooksodifferent,Betty。"
"DoIlookstupid?"thedimpledeepening。"Imusttrytoalterthat。"
"Don’ttrytoalteryourlooks,"saidRosy。"Itisyourlooksthatmakeyouso——sowonderful。Butusuallywomen——
girls————"Rosypaused。
"Oh,Ihavebeentrained,"laughedBetty。"Iamthespoileddaughterofabusinessmanofgenius。Hisbusinessisanartandascience。Ihavehadadvantages。Hehasletmehearhimtalk。Ievenknowsometriflingthingsaboutstocks。
Notenoughtodomevitalinjury——butsomething。WhatI
knowbestofall,"——herlaughendedandhereyeschangedtheirlook,——"isthatitisablundertothinkthatbeautyisnotcapital——thathappinessisnot——andthatbotharenotthegreatestassetsinthescheme。This,"withawaveofherhand,takinginalltheysaw,"isbeauty,anditoughttobehappiness,anditmustbetakencareof。ItisyourhomeandUghtred’s————"
"ItisNigel’s,"putinRosy。
"Itisentailed,isn’tit?"turningquickly。"Hecannotsellit?"
"Ifhecouldweshouldnotbesittinghere,"ruefully。
"Thenhecannotobjecttoitsbeingrescuedfromruin。"
"Hewillobjectto——tomoneybeingspentonthingshedoesnotcarefor。"LadyAnstruthers’voicelowereditself,asitalwaysdidwhenshespokeofherhusband,andsheindulgedintheinvoluntaryhastyglanceabouther。
"Iamgoingtomyroomtotakeoffmyhat,"Bettysaid。
"Willyoucomewithme?"
Shewentintothehouse,talkingquietlyofordinarythings,andinthiswaytheymountedthestairwaytogetherandpassedalongthegallerywhichledtoherroom。Whentheyentereditsheclosedthedoor,lockedit,and,takingoffherhat,laiditaside。Afterdoingwhichshesat。
"Noonecanhearandnoonecancomein,"shesaid。"Andiftheycould,youareafraidofthingsyouneednotbeafraidofnow。TellmewhathappenedwhenyouweresoillafterUghtredwasborn。"
"Youguessedthatithappenedthen,"gaspedLadyAnstruthers。
"Itwasagoodtimetomakeanythinghappen,"repliedBettina。"Youwereprostrated,youwereachild,andfeltyourselfcastoffhopelesslyfromthepeoplewholovedyou。"
"Forever!Forever!"LadyAnstruthers’voicewasasharplittlemoan。"ThatwaswhatIfelt——thatnothingcouldeverhelpme。Idarednotwritethings。Hetoldmehewouldnothaveit——thathewouldstopanyhystericalcomplaints——thathismothercouldtestifythathebehavedperfectlytome。Shewastheonlypersonintheroomwithuswhen——when————"
"When?"saidBetty。
LadyAnstruthersshuddered。SheleanedforwardandcaughtBetty’shandbetweenherownshakingones。
"Hestruckme!Hestruckme!Hesaiditneverhappened——
butitdid——itdid!Betty,itdid!Thatwastheonethingthatcamebacktomeclearest。HesaidthatIwasindelirioushysterics,andthatIhadstruggledwithhismotherandhimself,becausetheytriedtokeepmequiet,andpreventtheservantshearing。OneawfuldayhebroughtLadyAnstruthersintotheroom,andtheystoodoverme,asIlayinbed,andshefixedhereyesonmeandsaidthatshe——beinganEnglishwoman,andapersonwhosewordwouldbebelieved,couldtellpeoplethetruth——myfatherandmother,ifnecessary,thatmyspoiled,hystericalAmericantempershadcreatedunhappinessforme——merelybecauseIwasboredbylifeinthecountryandwantedexcitement。Itriedtoanswer,buttheywouldnotletme,andwhenIbegantoshakeallover,theysaidthatIwasthrowingmyselfintohystericsagain。Andtheytoldthedoctorso,andhebelievedit。"
Thepossibilitiesofthesituationwereplainlytobeseen。
Fate,intheformoftemperamentitself,hadbeenagainsther。
ItwasclearenoughtoBettyasshepattedandstrokedthethinhands。"Iunderstand。Tellmetherest,"shesaid。
LadyAnstruthers’headdropped。
"WhenIwasloneliest,anddyingofhomesickness,andsoweakthatIcouldnotspeakwithoutsobbing,hecametome——itwasonemorningafterIhadbeenlyingawakeallnight——andhebegantoseemkinder。Hehadnotbeennearmefortwodays,andIhadthoughtIwasgoingtobelefttodiealone——andmotherwouldneverknow。Hesaidhehadbeenreflectingandthathewasafraidthatwehadmisunderstoodeachother——becausewebelongedtodifferentcountries,andhadbeenbroughtupindifferentways————"shepaused。
"Andthatifyouunderstoodhispositionandconsideredit,youmightbothbequitehappy,"Bettygaveinquiettermination。
LadyAnstruthersstarted。
"Oh,youknowitall!"sheexclaimed"OnlybecauseIhavehearditbefore。Itisanoldtrick。
Andbecauseheseemedkindandrelenting,youtriedtounderstand——andsignedsomething。"
"IWANTEDtounderstand。IWANTEDtobelieve。Whatdiditmatterwhichofushadthemoney,ifwelikedeachotherandwerehappy?Hetoldmethingsabouttheestate,andabouttheenormouscostofit,andhisbadluck,anddebtshecouldnothelp。AndIsaidthatIwoulddoanythingif——ifwecouldonlybelikemotherandfather。AndhekissedmeandIsignedthepaper。"
"Andthen?"
"HewenttoLondonthenextday,andthentoParis。Hesaidhewasobligedtogoonbusiness。Hewasawayamonth。
Andafteraweekhadpassed,LadyAnstruthersbegantoberestlessandangry,andoncesheflewintoarage,andtoldmeIwasafool,andthatifIhadbeenanEnglishwoman,Ishouldhavehadsomedecentcontrolovermyhusband,becausehewouldhaverespectedme。IntimeIfoundoutwhatIhaddone。Itdidnottakelong。"
"Thepaperyousigned,"saidBetty,"gavehimcontroloveryourmoney?"
Aforlornnodwastheanswer。
"Andsincethenhehasdoneashechose,andhehasnotchosentocareforStornham。Andoncehemadeyouwritetofather,toaskformoremoney?"
"Ididitonce。Ineverwoulddoitagain。Hehastriedtomakeme。HealwayssaysitistosaveStornhamforUghtred。"
"NothingcantakeStornhamfromUghtred。Itmaycometohimaruin,butitwillcometohim。"
"HesaystherearelegalpointsIcannotunderstand。Andhesaysheisspendingmoneyonit。"
"Where?"
"He——doesn’tgointothat。IfIweretoaskquestions,hewouldmakemeknowthatIhadbetterstop。HesaysIknownothingaboutthings。Andheisright。Hehasneverallowedmetoknowand——andIamnotlikeyou,Betty。"
"Whenyousignedthepaper,youdidnotrealisethatyouweredoingsomethingyoucouldneverundoandthatyouwouldbeforcedtosubmittotheconsequences?"
"I——Ididn’trealiseanythingbutthatitwouldkillmetoliveasIhadbeenliving——feelingasiftheyhatedme。AndIwassogladandthankfulthatheseemedkinder。ItwasasifIhadbeenontherack,andheturnedthescrewsback,andIwasreadytodoanything——anything——ifImightbetakenoff。Oh,Betty!youknow,don’tyou,that——thatifhewouldonlyhavebeenalittlekind——justalittle——Iwouldhaveobeyedhimalways,andgivenhimeverything。"
Bettysatandlookedather,withdeeplyponderingeyes。
Shewasconfrontingthefactthatitseemedpossiblethatonemustbuildanewsoulforheraswellasanewbody。Inthesedaysofscienceandgrowingsanityofthought,onedidnotstandhelplessbeforetheproblemofphysicalrebuilding,and——andperhaps,ifonecouldpourlifeintoacreature,thesoulofitwouldrespond,andwakeagain,andgrow。
"Youdonotknowwhereheis?"shesaidaloud。"Youabsolutelydonotknow?"
"Ineverknowexactly,"LadyAnstruthersanswered。"Hewashereforafewdaystheweekbeforeyoucame。Hesaidhewasgoingabroad。Hemightappearto—morrow,Imightnothearofhimforsixmonths。Ican’thelphopingnowthatitwillbethesixmonths。"
"Whyparticularlynow?"inquiredBetty。
LadyAnstruthersflushedandlookedshyandawkward。
"Becauseof——you。Idon’tknowwhathewouldsay。I
don’tknowwhathewoulddo。"
"Tome?"saidBetty。
第14章