首页 >出版文学> The Legacy of Cain>第12章
  Anotherday,andsomethingnewthatmustandwillberemembered,shrinkfromitasImay。Thisafternoon,ImetHelenaonthestairs。
  Shestopped,andeyedmewithawickedsmile;sheheldoutherhand。"Wearelikelytomeetoften,whileweareinthesamehouse,"shesaid;"hadn’twebetterconsultappearances,andpretendtobeasfondofeachotherasever?"
  Itooknonoticeofherhand;Itooknonoticeofhershamelessproposal。Shetriedagain:"Afterall,itisn’tmyfaultifPhiliplikesmebetterthanhelikesyou。Don’tyouseethat?"I
  stillrefusedtospeaktoher。Shestillpersisted。"Howblackyoulook,Eunice!Areyousorryyoudidn’tkillme,whenyouhadyourhandsonmythroat?"
  Isaid:"Yes。"
  Shelaughed,andleftme。Iwasobligedtositdownonthestair——Itrembledso。Myownreplyfrightenedme。ItriedtofindoutwhyIhadsaidYes。Idon’trememberbeingconsciousofmeaninganything。ItwasasifsomebodyelsehadsaidYes——notI。
  PerhapsIwasprovoked,andthewordescapedmebeforeIcouldstopit。CouldIhavestoppedit?Idon’tknow。
  Anothersleeplessnight。
  DidIpassthemiserablehoursinwritingletterstoPhilipandthentearingthemup?OrdidIonlyfancythatIwrotetohim?I
  havejustlookedatthefireplace。ThetornpaperinittellsmethatIdidwrite。WhydidIdestroymyletters?ImighthavesentoneofthemtoPhilip。Afterwhathashappened?Oh,no!no!
  HavingbeenmanydaysawayfromtheGirls’ScriptureClass,itseemedtobepossiblethatgoingbacktotheschoolandtheteachingmighthelpmetoescapefrommyself。
  Nothingsucceedswithme。Ifounditimpossibletoinstructthegirlsasusual;theirstupiditysoonreachedthelimitofmypatience——suffocatedmewithrage。Oneofthem,apoor,fat,feeblecreature,begantocrywhenIscoldedher。Ilookedwithenvyatthetearsrollingoverherbigroundcheeks。IfIcouldonlycry,Imightperhapsbearmyhardfatewithsubmission。
  Iwalkedtowardhomebyaroundaboutway;feelingasifwantofsleepwaskillingmebyinches。
  IntheHighStreet,IsawHelena;shewaspostingaletter,andwasnotawarethatIwasnearher。Leavingthepost—office,shecrossedthestreet,andnarrowlyescapedbeingrunover。Supposethethreatenedaccidenthadreallytakenplace——howshouldIhavefelt,ifithadendedfatally?WhatafoolIamtobeputtingquestionstomyselfaboutthingsthathavenothappened!
  Thewalkingtiredme;Iwentstraighthome。
  BeforeIcouldringthebell,thehousedooropened,andthedoctorcameout。Hestoppedtospeaktome。WhileIhadbeenaway(hesaid),somethinghadhappenedathome(heneitherknewnorwishedtoknowwhat)whichhadthrownmyfatherintoastateofviolentagitation。Thedoctorhadadministeredcomposingmedicine。"Mypatientisasleepnow,"hetoldme;"butrememberwhatIsaidtoyouthelasttimewemet;alongerrestthananydoctor’sprescriptioncangivehimiswhathewants。Youarenotlookingwellyourself,mydear。Whatisthematter?"
  Itoldhimofmywretchedrestlessnights;andaskedifImighttakesomeofthecomposingmedicinewhichhehadgiventomyfather。Heforbademetotouchadropofit。"Whatisphysicforyourfather,youfoolishchild,isnotphysicforayoungcreaturelikeyou,"hesaid。"Countathousand,ifyoucan’tsleepto—night,orturnyourpillow。Iwishyoupleasantdreams。"
  Hewentaway,amusedathisownhumor。
  IfoundSelinawaitingtospeakwithme,onthesubjectofpoorpapa。
  Shehadbeenstartledonhearinghisvoice,loudinanger。Inthefearthatsomethingserioushadhappened,sheleftherroomtomakeinquiries,andsawHelenaonthelandingoftheflightofstairsbeneath,leavingthestudy。Afterwaitingtillmysisterwasoutoftheway,Selinaventuredtopresentherselfatthestudydoor,andtoaskifshecouldbeofanyuse。Myfather,walkingexcitedlyupanddowntheroom,declaredthatbothhisdaughtershadbehavedinfamously,andthathewouldnotsufferthemtospeaktohimagainuntiltheyhadcometotheirsenses,onthesubjectofMr。Dunboyne。Hewouldenterintonofurtherexplanation;andhehadordered,ratherthanrequested,Selinatoleavehim。Havingobeyed,shetriednexttofindme,andhadjustlookedintothedining—roomtoseeifIwasthere,whenshewasfrightenedbythesoundofafallintheroomabove——thatistosay,inthestudy。Runningupstairsagain,shehadfoundhiminsensibleonthefloorandhadsentforthedoctor。
  "Andmindthis,"Selinacontinued,"thepersonwhohasdonethemischiefisthepersonwhomIsawleavingthestudy。Whatyourunnaturalsistersaidtoprovokeherfather——"
  "Thatyourunnaturalsisterwilltellyouherself,"Helena’svoiceadded。Shehadopenedthedoorwhileweweretoomuchabsorbedinourtalktohearher。
  Selinaattemptedtoleavetheroom。Icaughtherbythehand,andheldherback。IwasafraidofwhatImightdoifsheleftmebymyself。NeverhaveIfeltanythingliketheragethattorturedme,whenIsawHelenalookingatuswiththesamewickedsmileonherlipsthathadinsultedmewhenwemetonthestairs。Have_we_anythingtobeashamedof?"IsaidtoSelina。"Staywhereyouare。"
  "Youmaybeofsomeuse,MissJillgall,ifyoustay,"mysistersuggested。"Euniceseemstobetrembling。Issheangry,orissheill?"
  Thestingofthiswasinthetoneofhervoice。ItwasthehardestthingIeverhadtodoinmylife——butIdidsucceedincontrollingmyself。
  "Goonwithwhatyouhavetosay,"Ianswered,"anddon’tnoticeme。"
  "Youarenotverypolite,mydear,butIcanmakeallowances。Oh,come!come!puttingupyourhandstostopyourearsistoochildish。Youwoulddobettertoexpressregretforhavingmisledyourfather。Yes!youdidmisleadhim。Onlyafewdayssince,youlefthimtosupposethatyouwereengagedtoPhilip。Itbecamemyduty,afterthat,toopenhiseyestothetruth;andifI
  unhappilyprovokedhim,itwasyourfault。IwasstrictlycarefulinthelanguageIused。Isaid:’Dearfather,youhavebeenmisinformedonaveryserioussubject。Theonlymarriageengagementforwhichyourkindsanctionisrequested,is_my_
  engagement。_I_haveconsentedtobecomeMrs。PhilipDunboyne。’"
  "Stop!"Isaid。
  "WhyamItostop?"
  "BecauseIhavesomethingtosay。YouandIarelookingateachother。Doesmyfacetellyouwhatispassinginmymind?"
  "Yourfaceseemstobepalerthanusual,"sheanswered——"that’sall。"
  "No,"Isaid;"thatisnotall。Thedevilthatpossessedme,whenIdiscoveredyouwithPhilip,isnotcastoutofmeyet。SilencethesneeringdevilthatisinYou,orwemaybothlivetoregretit。"
  WhetherIdidordidnotfrightenher,Icannotsay。ThisonlyI
  know——sheturnedawaysilentlytothedoor,andwentout。
  Idroppedonthesofa。Thathorridhungeringforrevenge,whichI
  feltforthefirsttimewhenIknewhowHelenahadwrongedme,begantodegradeandtemptmeagain。Intheefforttogetawayfromthisnewevilselfofmine,ItriedtofindsympathyinSelina,andcalledtohertocomeandsitbyme。SheseemedtobestartledwhenIlookedather,butsherecoveredherself,andcametome,andtookmyhand。
  "IwishIcouldcomfortyou!"shesaid,inherkindsimpleway。
  "Keepmyhandinyourhand,"Itoldher;"Iamdrowningindarkwater——andIhavenothingtoholdbybutyou。"
  "Oh,mydarling,don’ttalkinthatway!"
  "GoodSelina!dearSelina!YoushalltalktoMe。Saysomethingharmless——tellmeamelancholystory——trytomakemecry。"
  Mypoorlittlefriendlookedsadlybewildered。
  "I’mmorelikelytocrymyself,"shesaid。"Thisissoheart—breaking——IalmostwishIwasbackinthetime,beforeyoucamehome,thetimewhenyourdetestablesisterfirstshowedhowshehatedme。Iwashappy,meanlyhappy,inthespitefulenjoymentofprovokingher。Oh,Euneece,Ishallneverrecovermyspiritsagain!Allthepityintheworldwouldnotbepityenoughfor_you。_Sohardlytreated!soyoung!soforlorn!Yourgoodfathertooilltohelpyou;yourpoormother——"
  Iinterruptedher;shehadinterestedmeinsomethingbetterthanmyownwretchedself。Iaskeddirectlyifshehadknownmymother。
  "Mydearchild,Ineverevensawher!"
  "Hasmyfatherneverspokentoyouabouther?"
  "Onlyonce,whenIaskedhimhowlongshehadbeendead。Hetoldmeyoulostherwhileyouwereaninfant,andhetoldmenomore。
  Iwaslookingatherportraitinthestudy,onlyyesterday。I
  thinkitmustbeabadportrait;yourmother’sfacedisappointsme。"
  Ihadarrivedatthesameconclusionyearssince。ButIshrankfromconfessingit。
  "Atanyrate,"Selinacontinued,"youarenotlikeher。Nobodywouldeverguessthatyouwerethechildofthatlady,withthelongslantingforeheadandtherestlesslookinhereyes。"
  WhatSelinahadsaidofmeandmymother’sportrait,otherfriendshadsaid。TherewasnothingthatIknowoftointerestmeinhearingitrepeated——andyetitsetmeponderingonthewantofresemblancebetweenmymother’sfaceandmine,andwondering(notforthefirsttime)whatsortofwomanmymotherwas。Whenmyfatherspeaksofher,nowordsofpraisethathecanutterseemtobegoodenoughforher。Oh,me,IwishIwasalittlemorelikemymother!
  Itbegantogetdark;Mariabroughtinthelamp。Thesuddenbrightnessoftheflamestruckmyachingeyes,asifithadbeenablowfromaknife。Iwasobligedtohidemyfaceinmyhandkerchief。CompassionateSelinaentreatedmetogotobed。
  "Restyourpooreyes,mychild,andyourwearyhead——andtryatleasttogetsomesleep。"Shefoundmeverydocile;Ikissedher,andsaidgood—night。Ihadmyownidea。
  Whenallwasquietinthehouse,Istoleoutintothepassageandlistenedatthedoorofmyfather’sroom。
  Iheardhisregularbreathing,andopenedthedoorandwentin。
  Thecomposingmedicine,ofwhichIwasinsearch,wasnotonthetablebyhisbedside。Ifounditinthecupboard——perhapsplacedpurposelyoutofhisreach。Theysaythatsomephysicispoison,ifyoutaketoomuchofit。Thelabelonthebottletoldmewhatthedosewas。Idroppeditintothemedicineglass,andswallowedit,andwentbacktomyfather。
  Verygently,soasnottowakehim,Itouchedpoorpapa’sforeheadwithmylips。"Imusthavesomeofyourmedicine,"I
  whisperedtohim;"Iwantit,dear,asbadlyasyoudo。"
  ThenIreturnedtomyownroom——andlaydowninbed,waitingtobecomposed。
  CHAPTERXXXI。
  EUNICE’SDIARY。
  MyrestlessnightsarepassedinSelina’sroom。
  Herbedremainsnearthewindow。Mybedhasbeenplacedopposite,nearthedoor。Ournight—lightishiddeninacorner,sothatthefaintglowofitisallthatwesee。Whattriflesthesearetowriteabout!ButtheymixthemselvesupwithwhatIamdeterminedtosetdowninmyJournal,andthentoclosethebookforgoodandall。
  Ihadnotdisturbedmylittlefriend’senviablerepose,eitherwhenIleftourbed—chamber,orwhenIreturnedtoit。Thenightwasquiet,andthestarswereout。Nothingmovedbutthethrobbingatmytemples。Thelightsandshadowsinourhalf—darkenedroom,whichatothertimessuggeststrangeresemblancestomyfancy,failedtodisturbmenow。Iwasinadarknessofmyownmaking,havingboundahandkerchief,cooledwithwater,overmyhoteyes。TherewasnothingtointerferewiththesoothinginfluenceofthedosethatIhadtaken,ifmyfather’smedicinewouldonlyhelpme。
  Ibeganbadly。Theclockinthehallstruckthequarterpastthehour,thehalf—past,thethree—quarterspast,thenewhour。Timewasawake——andIwasawakewithTime。
  ItwassuchatrialtomypatiencethatIthoughtofgoingbacktomyfather’sroom,andtakingaseconddoseofthemedicine,nomatterwhattheriskmightbe。Onattemptingtogetup,Ibecameawareofachangeinme。Therewasadullsensationinmylimbswhichseemedtobindthemdownonthebed。Itwasthestrangestfeeling。Mywillsaid,Getup——andmyheavylimbssaid,No。
  Ilayquitestill,thinkingdesperatethoughts,andgettingnearerandnearertotheendthatIhadbeendreadingforsomanydayspast。Havingbeenaswelleducatedasmostgirls,mylessonsinhistoryhadmademeacquaintedwithassassinationandmurder。
  HorrorswhichIhadrecoiledfromreadinginpasthappydays,nowreturnedtomymemory;and,thistime,theyinterestedinsteadofrevoltingme。IcountedthethreefirstwaysofkillingasI
  happenedtorememberthem,inmybooksofinstruction:——awaybystabbing;awaybypoison;awayinabed,bysuffocationwithapillow。Onthatdreadfulnight,IneveroncecalledtomindwhatIfindmyselfrememberingnow——theharmlesspasttime,whenourfriendsusedtosay:"Euniceisagoodgirl;weareallfondofEunice。"ShallIeverbethesamelovablecreatureagain?
  WhileIlaythinking,astrangethinghappened。Philip,whohadhauntedmefordaysandnightstogether,vanishedoutofmythoughts。Mymemoryofthelovewhichhadbegunsobrightly,andhadendedsomiserably,becameablank。Nothingwasleftbutmyownhorridvisionsofvengeanceanddeath。
  Forawhile,thestrokesoftheclockstillreachedmyears。Butitwasanefforttocountthem;Iendedinlettingthempassunheeded。Soonafterward,theroundofmythoughtsbegantocircleslowlyandmoreslowly。Thestrokesoftheclockdiedout。
  Theroundofmythoughtsstopped。
  Allthistime,myeyeswerestillcoveredbythehandkerchiefwhichIhadlaidoverthem。
  Thedarknessbegantoweighonmyspirits,andtofillmewithdistrust。Ifoundmyselfsuspectingthattherewassomechange——perhapsanunearthlychange——passingovertheroom。ToremainblindfoldedanylongerwasmorethanIcouldendure。I
  liftedmyhand——withoutbeingconsciousoftheheavysensationwhich,sometimebefore,hadlaidmylimbshelplessonthebed——I
  liftedmyhand,anddrewthehandkerchiefawayfrommyeyes。
  Thefaintglowofthenight—lightwasextinguished。
  Buttheroomwasnotquitedark。Therewasaghastlylighttremblingoverit;likenothingthatIhaveeverseenbyday;
  likenothingthatIhaveeverseenbynight。IdimlydiscernedSelina’sbed,andtheframeofthewindow,andthecurtainsoneithersideofit——butnotthestarlight,andnottheshadowytopsofthetreesinthegarden。
  Thelightgrewfainterandfainter;theobjectsintheroomfadedslowlyaway。Darknesscame。
  Itmaybeasayinghardtobelieve——but,whenIdeclarethatI
  wasnotfrightened,Iamtellingthetruth。Whethertheroomwaslightedbyawfullight,orsunkinawfuldark,Iwasequallyinterestedintheexpectationofwhatmighthappennext。I
  listenedcalmlyforwhatImighthear:IwaitedcalmlyforwhatI
  mightfeel。
  Atouchcamefirst。Ifeelitcreepingonmyface——likealittleflutteringbreeze。Thesensationpleasedmeforawhile。Soonitgrewcolder,andcolder,andcolder,tillitfrozeme。
  "Oh,nomore!"Icriedout。"Youarekillingmewithanicydeath!"
  Thedead—coldtoucheslingeredamomentlonger——andleftme。
  Thefirstsoundcame。
  Itwasthesoundofawhisperonmypillow,closetomyear。Mystrangeinsensibilitytofearremainedundisturbed。Thewhisperwaswelcome,itkeptmecompanyinthedarkroom。
  Itsaidtome:"DoyouknowwhoIam?"
  Ianswered:"No。"
  Itsaid。:"Whohaveyoubeenthinkingofthisevening?"
  Ianswered:"Mymother。"
  Thewhispersaid:"Iamyourmother。"
  "Oh,mother,commandthelighttocomeback!Showyourselftome!"
  "No。"
  "Whynot?"
  "MyfacewashiddenwhenIpassedfromlifetodeath。Myfacenomortalcreaturemaysee。"
  "Oh,mother,touchme!Kissme!"
  "No。"
  "Whynot?"
  "Mytouchispoison。Mykissisdeath。"
  Thesenseoffearbegantocometomenow。Imovedmyheadawayonthepillow。Thewhisperfollowedmymovement。
  "Leaveme,"Isaid。"YouareanEvilSpirit。"
  Thewhisperanswered:"Iamyourmother。"
  "Youcometotemptme。"
  "Icometohardenyourheart。Daughterofmine,whosebloodiscool;daughterofmine,whotamelysubmits——youhaveloved。Isittrue?"
  "Itistrue。"
  "Themanyoulovedhasdesertedyou。Isittrue?"
  "Itistrue。"
  "Awomanhasluredhimawaytoherself。Awomanhashadnomercyonyou,oronhim。Isittrue?"
  "Itistrue。"
  "Ifshelives,whatcrimetowardyouwillshecommitnext?"
  "Ifshelives,shewillmarryhim。"
  "Willyouletherlive?"
  "Never。"
  "HaveIhardenedyourheartagainsther?"
  "Yes。"
  "Willyoukillher?"
  "Showmehow。"
  Therewasasuddensilence。Iwasstillleftinthedarkness;
  feelingnothing,hearingnothing。EventheconsciousnessthatI
  waslyingonmybeddesertedme。IhadnoideathatIwasinthebedroom;IhadnoknowledgeofwhereIwas。
  TheghastlylightthatIhadseenalreadydawnedonmeoncemore。
  Iwasnolongerinmybed,nolongerinmyroom,nolongerinthehouse。Withoutwonder,withoutevenafeelingofsurprise,I
  lookedround。Theplacewasfamiliartome。IwasaloneintheMuseumofourtown。
  Thelightflowedalonginfrontofme。Ifollowed,fromroomtoroomintheMuseum,wherethelightled。
  First,throughthepicture—gallery,hungwiththeworksofmodernmasters;then,throughtheroomfilledwithspecimensofstuffedanimals。Thelionandthetiger,thevultureoftheAlpsandthegreatalbatross,lookedlikelivingcreaturesthreateningme,inthesupernaturallight。Ienteredthethirdroom,devotedtotheexhibitionofancientarmor,andtheweaponsofallnations。Herethelightrosehigher,and,leavingmeindarknesswhereIstood,showedacollectionofswords,daggers,andknivesarrangedonthewallinimitationoftheformofastar。
  Thewhispersoundedagain,closeatmyear。Itechoedmyownthought,whenIcalledtomindthewaysofkillingwhichhistoryhadtaughtme。Itsaid:"Killherwiththeknife。"
  No。MyheartfailedmewhenIthoughtoftheblood。Ihidthedreadfulweaponsfrommyview。Icriedout:"Letmego!letmego!"
  Again,Iwaslostindarkness。Again,IhadnoknowledgeinmeofwhereIwas。Again,afteraninterval,thelightshowedmethenewplaceinwhichIstood。
  Iwasaloneintheburial—groundofourparishchurch。Thelightledmeon,amongthegraves,tothelonelycornerinwhichthegreatyewtreestands;and,risinghigher,revealedthesolemnfoliage,brightenedbythefatalredfruitwhichhidesinitselftheseedsofdeath。
  Thewhispertemptedmeagain。Itfollowedagainthetrainofmyownthought。Itsaid:"Killherbypoison。"
  No。Revengebypoisonstealsitswaytoitsend。ThebasedeceitfulnessofHelena’scrimeagainstmeseemedtocallforadayofreckoningthathiditselfundernodisguise。Iraisedmycrytobedeliveredfromthesightofthedeadlytree,ThechangeswhichIhavetriedtodescribefollowedoncemoretheconfessionofwhatIfelt;thedarknesswasdispelledforthethirdtime。
  IwasstandinginHelena’sroom,lookingatherasshelayasleepinherbed。
  Shewasquitestillnow;butshemusthavebeenrestlessatsomeearliertime。Thebedclothesweredisordered,herheadhadsunksolowthatthepillowrosehighandvacantaboveher。There,coloredbyatenderflushofsleep,wasthefacewhosebeautyputmypoorfacetoshame。There,wasthesisterwhohadcommittedtheworstofmurders——thewretchwhohadkilledinmeallthatmadelifeworthhaving。Whilethatthoughtwasinmymind,I
  heardthewhisperagain。"Killheropenly,"thetemptermothersaid。"Killherdaringly。Faintheart,doyoustillwantcourage?
  Rouseyourspirit;look!seeyourselfintheact!"
  Thetemptationtookaformwhichnowtriedmeforthefirsttime。
  Asifamirrorhadreflectedthescene,Isawmyselfstandingbythebedside,withthepillowthatwastosmotherthesleeperinmyhands。Iheardthewhisperingvoicetellingmehowtospeakthewordsthatwarnedandcondemnedher:"Wake!youwhohavetakenhimfromme!Wake!andmeetyourdoom。"
  Isawherstartupinbed。Thesuddenmovementdisorderedthenightdressoverherbosomandshowedtheminiatureportraitofaman,hungroundherneck。
  ThemanwasPhilip。Thelikenesswaslookingatme。
  Sodear,solovely——thoseeyesthathadoncebeenthelightofmyheart,mournedformeandjudgedmenow。Theysawtheguiltythoughtthatpollutedme;theybroughtmetomyknees,imploringhimtohelpmebacktomybetterself:"Onelastmercy,dear,tocomfortmeunderthelossofyou。Letthelovethatwasoncemylife,bemygoodangelstill。Saveme,Philip,eventhoughyouforsakeme——savemefrommyself!"
  Therewasasuddencry。
  Theagonyofitpiercedmybrain——droveawaytheghastlylight——silencedthetemptingwhispers。Icametomyself。I
  saw——andnotinadream。
  Helena_had_startedupinherbed。Thatcryofterror,atthesightofmeinherroomatnight,_had_burstfromherlips。TheminiatureofPhiliphungroundherneck,avisiblereality。
  Thoughmyheadwasdizzy,thoughmyheartwassinking,Ihadnotlostmysensesyet。Allthatthenightlampcouldshowme,I
  stillsaw;andIheardthesound,faintly,whenthedoorofthebed—chamberwasopened。Alarmedbythatpiercingcry,myfathercamehurryingintotheroom。
  Notawordpassedbetweenusthree。ThewhispersthatIhadheardwerewicked;thethoughtsthathadbeeninmymindwerevile。Hadtheyleftsomepoisonintheairoftheroom,whichkilledthewordsonourlips?
  MyfatherlookedatHelena。Withatremblinghandshepointedtome。Heputhisarmroundmeandheldmeup。Irememberhisleadingmeaway——andIremembernothingmore。
  Mylastwordsarewritten。Ilockupthisjournalofmisery——never,Ihopeandpray,toopenitagain。
  —————
  SecondPeriod(continued)。
  EVENTSINTHEFAMILY,RELATEDBYTHEGOVERNOR。
  —————
  CHAPTERXXXII。
  THEMIDDLE—AGEDLADY。
  INtheyear1870Ifoundmyselfcompelledtosubmittothedemandsoftwohardtask—masters。
  AdvancingageandfailinghealthremindedtheGovernorofthePrisonofhisdutytohissuccessor,inoneunanswerableword——Resign。
  Whentheyhaveemployedusandinterestedus,forthegreaterpartofourlives,webidfarewelltoourduties——eventothegloomydutiesofaprison——withasenseofregret。Myviewofthefuturepresentedavacantprospectindeed,whenIlookedatmyidlelifetocome,andwonderedwhatIshoulddowithit。Looseontheworld——atmyage!——Idriftedintodomesticrefuge,underthecareofmytwodearandgoodsons。Afterawhile(nevermindhowlongawhile)Ibegantogrowrestlessundertheheavyburdenofidleness。Havingnothingelsetocomplainof,Icomplainedofmyhealth,andconsultedadoctor。Thatsagaciousmanhitontherightwayofgettingridofme——herecommendedtraveling。
  Thiswasunexpectedadvice。Aftersomehesitation,Iaccepteditreluctantly。
  Theinstinctsofagerecoilfrommakingnewacquaintances,contemplatingnewplaces,andadoptingnewhabits。Besides,I
  haterailwaytraveling。However,IcontrivedtogetasfarasItaly,andstoppedtorestatFlorence。Here,IfoundpicturesbytheoldmastersthatIcouldreallyenjoy,apublicparkthatIcouldhonestlyadmire,andanexcellentfriendandcolleagueofformerdays;oncechaplaintotheprison,nowclergymaninchargeoftheEnglishChurch。WemetinthegalleryofthePittiPalace;andherecognizedmeimmediately。Iwaspleasedtofindthatthelapseofyearshadmadesolittledifferenceinmypersonalappearance。
  ThetravelerwhoadvancesasfarasFlorence,anddoesnotgoontoRome,mustberegardlessindeedoftheopinionsofhisfriends。Letmenotattempttoconcealit——Iamthatinsensibletraveler。Overandoveragain,Isaidtomyself:"Romemustbedone";andoverandoveragainIputoffdoingit。Toownthetruth,thefascinationsofFlorence,aidedbythesocietyofmyfriend,laidsostrongaholdonmethatIbelieveIshouldhaveendedmydaysinthedelightfulItaliancity,butforthedangerousillnessofoneofmysons。ThismisfortunehurriedmebacktoEngland,indread,everystepoftheway,offindingthatIhadarrivedtoolate。Thejourney(thankGod!)provedtohavebeentakenwithoutneed。Mysonwasnolongerindanger,whenI
  reachedLondonintheyear1875。
  AtthatdateIwasnearenoughtothecustomarylimitofhumanlifetofeelthenecessityofrestandquiet。Inotherwords,mydaysoftravelhadcometotheirend。