Couldyoubutseeme,mydearCharlotte,inthewhirlofdissipation,——howmysensesaredriedup,butmyheartisatnotimefull。Ienjoynosinglemomentofhappiness:allisvain——
nothingtouchesme。Istand,asitwere,beforetheraree-show:
Iseethelittlepuppetsmove,andIaskwhetheritisnotanopticalillusion。Iamamusedwiththesepuppets,or,rather,I
ammyselfoneofthem:but,whenIsometimesgraspmyneighbour’shand,Ifeelthatitisnotnatural;andIwithdrawminewithashudder。IntheeveningIsayIwillenjoythenextmorning’ssunrise,andyetIremaininbed:inthedayIpromisetoramblebymoonlight;andI,nevertheless,remainathome。IknownotwhyIrise,norwhyIgotosleep。
Theleavenwhichanimatedmyexistenceisgone:thecharmwhichcheeredmeinthegloomofnight,andarousedmefrommymorningslumbers,isforeverfled。
Ihavefoundbutonebeingheretointerestme,aMissB——。Sheresemblesyou,mydearCharlotte,ifanyonecanpossiblyresembleyou。"Ah!"youwillsay,"hehaslearnedhowtopayfinecompliments。"
Andthisispartlytrue。Ihavebeenveryagreeablelately,asitwasnotinmypowertobeotherwise。Ihave,moreover,adealofwit:andtheladiessaythatnooneunderstandsflatterybetter,orfalsehoodsyouwilladd;sincetheoneaccomplishmentinvariablyaccompaniestheother。ButImusttellyouofMissB——。Shehasabundanceofsoul,whichflashesfromherdeepblueeyes。Herrankisatormenttoher,andsatisfiesnoonedesireofherheart。
Shewouldgladlyretirefromthiswhirloffashion,andweoftenpicturetoourselvesalifeofundisturbedhappinessindistantscenesofruralretirement:andthenwespeakofyou,mydearCharlotte;forsheknowsyou,andrendershomagetoyourmerits;
butherhomageisnotexacted,butvoluntary,shelovesyou,anddelightstohearyoumadethesubjectofconversation。
Oh,thatIweresittingatyourfeetinyourfavouritelittleroom,withthedearchildrenplayingaroundus!Iftheybecametroublesometoyou,Iwouldtellthemsomeappallinggoblinstory;andtheywouldcrowdroundmewithsilentattention。Thesunissettinginglory;hislastraysareshiningonthesnow,whichcoversthefaceofthecountry:thestormisover,andImustreturntomydungeon。Adieu!——IsAlbertwithyou?andwhatishetoyou?Godforgivethequestion。
FEBRUARY8。
Foraweekpastwehavehadthemostwretchedweather:butthistomeisablessing;for,duringmyresidencehere,notasinglefinedayhasbeamedfromtheheavens,buthasbeenlosttomebytheintrusionofsomebody。Duringtheseverityofrain,sleet,frost,andstorm,Icongratulatemyselfthatitcannotbeworseindoorsthanabroad,norworseabroadthanitiswithindoors;andsoIbecomereconciled。Whenthesunrisesbrightinthemorning,andpromisesagloriousday,Ineveromittoexclaim,"There,now,theyhaveanotherblessingfromHeaven,whichtheywillbesuretodestroy:theyspoileverything,——health,fame,happiness,amusement;andtheydothisgenerallythroughfolly,ignorance,orimbecility,andalways,accordingtotheirownaccount,withthebestintentions!"Icouldoftenbeseechthem,onmybendedknees,tobelessresolvedupontheirowndestruction。
FEBRUARY17。
IfearthatmyambassadorandIshallnotcontinuemuchlongertogether。Heisreallygrowingpastendurance。Hetransactshisbusinessinsoridiculousamanner,thatIamoftencompelledtocontradicthim,anddothingsmyownway;andthen,ofcourse,hethinksthemveryilldone。Hecomplainedofmelatelyonthisaccountatcourt;andtheministergavemeareprimand,——agentleoneitistrue,butstillareprimand。Inconsequenceofthis,Iwasabouttotendermyresignation,whenIreceivedaletter,towhichIsubmittedwithgreatrespect,onaccountofthehigh,noble,andgenerousspiritwhichdictatedit。Heendeavouredtosoothemyexcessivesensibility,paidatributetomyextremeideasofduty,ofgoodexample,andofperseveranceinbusiness,asthefruitofmyyouthfulardour,animpulsewhichhedidnotseektodestroy,butonlytomoderate,thatitmighthaveproperplayandbeproductiveofgood。SonowIamatrestforanotherweek,andnolongeratvariancewithmyself。Contentandpeaceofmindarevaluablethings:Icouldwish,mydearfriend,thatthesepreciousjewelswerelesstransitory。
FERRUARY20。
Godblessyou,mydearfriends,andmayhegrantyouthathappinesswhichhedeniestome!
Ithankyou,Albert,forhavingdeceivedme。Iwaitedforthenewsthatyourwedding-daywasfixed;andIintendedonthatday,withsolemnity,totakedownCharlotte’sprofilefromthewall,andtoburyitwithsomeotherpapersIpossess。Youarenowunited,andherpicturestillremainshere。Well,letitremain!
Whyshoulditnot?IknowthatIamstilloneofyoursociety,thatIstilloccupyaplaceuninjuredinCharlotte’sheart,thatIholdthesecondplacetherein;andIintendtokeepit。Oh,I
shouldbecomemadifshecouldforget!Albert,thatthoughtishell!Farewell,Albertfarewell,angelofheavenfarewell,Charlotte!
MARCH15。
Ihavejusthadasadadventure,whichwilldrivemeawayfromhere。Iloseallpatience!——Death!——Itisnottoberemedied;
andyoualonearetoblame,foryouurgedandimpelledmetofillapostforwhichIwasbynomeanssuited。Ihavenowreasontobesatisfied,andsohaveyou!But,thatyoumaynotagainattributethisfatalitytomyimpetuoustemper,Isendyou,mydearsir,aplainandsimplenarrationoftheaffair,asamerechronicleroffactswoulddescribeit。
TheCountofO——likesanddistinguishesme。Itiswellknown,andIhavementionedthistoyouahundredtimes。YesterdayI
dinedwithhim。Itisthedayonwhichthenobilityareaccustomedtoassembleathishouseintheevening。Ineveroncethoughtoftheassembly,northatwesubalternsdidnotbelongtosuchsociety。
Well,Idinedwiththecount;and,afterdinner,weadjournedtothelargehall。Wewalkedupanddowntogether:andIconversedwithhim,andwithColonelB——,whojoinedus;andinthismannerthehourfortheassemblyapproached。Godknows,Iwasthinkingofnothing,whenwhoshouldenterbutthehonourableLadyaccompaniedbyhernoblehusbandandtheirsilly,schemingdaughter,withhersmallwaistandflatneck;and,withdisdainfullooksandahaughtyairtheypassedmeby。AsIheartilydetestthewholerace,I
determinedupongoingaway;andonlywaitedtillthecounthaddisengagedhimselffromtheirimpertinentprattle,totakeleave,whentheagreeableMissB——camein。AsInevermeetherwithoutexperiencingaheartfeltpleasure,Istayedandtalkedtoher,leaningoverthebackofherchair,anddidnotperceive,tillaftersometime,thatsheseemedalittleconfused,andceasedtoanswermewithherusualeaseofmanner。Iwasstruckwithit。
"Heavens!"Isaidtomyself,"canshe,too,beliketherest?"I
feltannoyed,andwasabouttowithdraw;butIremained,notwithstanding,formingexcusesforherconduct,fancyingshedidnotmeanit,andstillhopingtoreceivesomefriendlyrecognition。
Therestofthecompanynowarrived。TherewastheBaronF——,inanentiresuitthatdatedfromthecoronationofFrancisI。;theChancellorN——,withhisdeafwife;theshabbily-dressedI——,whoseold-fashionedcoatboreevidenceofmodernrepairs:thiscrownedthewhole。Iconversedwithsomeofmyacquaintances,buttheyansweredmelaconically。IwasengagedinobservingMissB——,anddidnotnoticethatthewomenwerewhisperingattheendoftheroom,thatthemurmurextendedbydegreestothemen,thatMadameS——addressedthecountwithmuchwarmth(thiswasallrelatedtomesubsequentlybyMissB——);tillatlengththecountcameuptome,andtookmetothewindow。"Youknowourridiculouscustoms,"
hesaid。"Iperceivethecompanyisratherdispleasedatyourbeinghere。Iwouldnotonanyaccount——""Ibegyourexcellency’spardon!"Iexclaimed。"Ioughttohavethoughtofthisbefore,butIknowyouwillforgivethislittleinattention。Iwasgoing,"
Iadded,"sometimeago,butmyevilgeniusdetainedme。"AndI
smiledandbowed,totakemyleave。Heshookmebythehand,inamannerwhichexpressedeverything。Ihastenedatoncefromtheillustriousassembly,sprangintoacarriage,anddrovetoM——。
Icontemplatedthesettingsunfromthetopofthehill,andreadthatbeautifulpassageinHomer,whereUlyssesisentertainedbythehospitableherdsmen。Thiswasindeeddelightful。
Ireturnedhometosupperintheevening。Butfewpersonswereassembledintheroom。Theyhadturnedupacornerofthetable-cloth,andwereplayingatdice。Thegood-naturedA——camein。Helaiddownhishatwhenhesawme,approachedme,andsaidinalowtone,"Youhavemetwithadisagreeableadventure。""I!"Iexclaimed。
"Thecountobligedyoutowithdrawfromtheassembly!""Deucetaketheassembly!"saidI。"Iwasverygladtobegone。""Iamdelighted,"headded,"thatyoutakeitsolightly。Iamonlysorrythatitisalreadysomuchspokenof。"Thecircumstancethenbegantopainme。Ifanciedthateveryonewhosatdown,andevenlookedatme,wasthinkingofthisincident;andmyheartbecameembittered。
AndnowIcouldplungeadaggerintomybosom,whenIhearmyselfeverywherepitied,andobservethetriumphofmyenemies,whosaythatthisisalwaysthecasewithvainpersons,whoseheadsareturnedwithconceit,whoaffecttodespiseformsandsuchpetty,idlenonsense。
Saywhatyouwilloffortitude,butshowmethemanwhocanpatientlyendurethelaughteroffools,whentheyhaveobtainedanadvantageoverhim。’Tisonlywhentheirnonsenseiswithoutfoundationthatonecansufferitwithoutcomplaint。
March16。
Everythingconspiresagainstme。ImetMissB——walkingto-day。
Icouldnothelpjoiningher;and,whenwewereatalittledistancefromhercompanions,Iexpressedmysenseofheralteredmannertowardme。"OWerther!"shesaid,inatoneofemotion,"you,whoknowmyheart,howcouldyousoillinterpretmydistress?WhatdidInotsufferforyou,fromthemomentyouenteredtheroom!
Iforesawitall,ahundredtimeswasIonthepointofmentioningittoyou。IknewthattheS——sandT——s,withtheirhusbands,wouldquittheroom,ratherthanremaininyourcompany。Iknewthatthecountwouldnotbreakwiththem:andnowsomuchissaidaboutit。""How!"Iexclaimed,andendeavouredtoconcealmyemotion;forallthatAdelinhadmentionedtomeyesterdayrecurredtomepainfullyatthatmoment。"Oh,howmuchithasalreadycostme!"saidthisamiablegirl,whilehereyesfilledwithtears。I
couldscarcelycontainmyself,andwasreadytothrowmyselfatherfeet。"Explainyourself!"Icried。Tearsfloweddownhercheeks。Ibecamequitefrantic。Shewipedthemaway,withoutattemptingtoconcealthem。"Youknowmyaunt,"shecontinued;
"shewaspresent:andinwhatlightdoessheconsidertheaffair!
Lastnight,andthismorning,Werther,Iwascompelledtolistentoalectureuponmy,acquaintancewithyou。Ihavebeenobligedtohearyoucondemnedanddepreciated;andIcouldnot——Idarednot——saymuchinyourdefence。"
Everywordsheutteredwasadaggertomyheart。Shedidnotfeelwhatamercyitwouldhavebeentoconcealeverythingfromme。
Shetoldme,inaddition,alltheimpertinencethatwouldbefurthercirculated,andhowthemaliciouswouldtriumph;howtheywouldrejoiceoverthepunishmentofmypride,overmyhumiliationforthatwantofesteemforotherswithwhichIhadoftenbeenreproached。
Tohearallthis,Wilhelm,utteredbyherinavoiceofthemostsinceresympathy,awakenedallmypassions;andIamstillinastateofextremeexcitement。IwishIcouldfindamantojeermeaboutthisevent。Iwouldsacrificehimtomyresentment。Thesightofhisbloodmightpossiblybearelieftomyfury。AhundredtimeshaveIseizedadagger,togiveeasetothisoppressedheart。
Naturaliststellofanobleraceofhorsesthatinstinctivelyopenaveinwiththeirteeth,whenheatedandexhaustedbyalongcourse,inordertobreathemorefreely。Iamoftentemptedtoopenavein,toprocureformyselfeverlastingliberty。
MARCH24。
Ihavetenderedmyresignationtothecourt。Ihopeitwillbeaccepted,andyouwillforgivemefornothavingpreviouslyconsultedyou。ItisnecessaryIshouldleavethisplace。Iknowallyouwillurgemetostay,andthereforeIbegyouwillsoftenthisnewstomymother。Iamunabletodoanythingformyself:how,then,shouldIbecompetenttoassistothers?ItwillafflictherthatIshouldhaveinterruptedthatcareerwhichwouldhavemademefirstaprivycouncillor,andthenminister,andthatIshouldlookbehindme,inplaceofadvancing。Argueasyouwill,combineallthereasonswhichshouldhaveinducedmetoremain,Iamgoing:
thatissufficient。But,thatyoumaynotbeignorantofmydestination,ImaymentionthatthePrinceof——ishere。Heismuchpleasedwithmycompany;and,havingheardofmyintentiontoresign,hehasinvitedmetohiscountryhouse,topassthespringmonthswithhim。Ishallbeleftcompletelymyownmaster;
and,asweagreeonallsubjectsbutone,Ishalltrymyfortune,andaccompanyhim。
APRILl9。
Thanksforbothyourletters。Idelayedmyreply,andwithheldthisletter,tillIshouldobtainananswerfromthecourt。I
fearedmymothermightapplytotheministertodefeatmypurpose。
Butmyrequestisgranted,myresignationisaccepted。Ishallnotrecountwithwhatreluctanceitwasaccorded,norrelatewhattheministerhaswritten:youwouldonlyrenewyourlamentations。
Thecrownprincehassentmeapresentoffiveandtwentyducats;
and,indeed,suchgoodnesshasaffectedmetotears。ForthisreasonIshallnotrequirefrommymotherthemoneyforwhichI
latelyapplied。
MAY5。
Ileavethisplaceto-morrow;and,asmynativeplaceisonlysixmilesfromthehighroad,Iintendtovisititoncemore,andrecallthehappydreamsofmychildhood。IshallenteratthesamegatethroughwhichIcamewithmymother,when,aftermyfather’sdeath,sheleftthatdelightfulretreattoimmureherselfinyourmelancholytown。Adieu,mydearfriend:youshallhearofmyfuturecareer。
MAY9。
Ihavepaidmyvisittomynativeplacewithallthedevotionofapilgrim,andhaveexperiencedmanyunexpectedemotions。Nearthegreatelmtree,whichisaquarterofaleaguefromthevillage,Igotoutofthecarriage,andsentitonbefore,thatalone,andonfoot,Imightenjoyvividlyandheartilyallthepleasureofmyrecollections。Istoodthereunderthatsameelmwhichwasformerlythetermandobjectofmywalks。Howthingshavesincechanged!Then,inhappyignorance,IsighedforaworldIdidnotknow,whereIhopedtofindeverypleasureandenjoymentwhichmyheartcoulddesire;andnow,onmyreturnfromthatwideworld,O
myfriend,howmanydisappointedhopesandunsuccessfulplanshaveIbroughtback!
AsIcontemplatedthemountainswhichlaystretchedoutbeforeme,Ithoughthowoftentheyhadbeentheobjectofmydearestdesires。
HereusedItositforhourstogetherwithmyeyesbentuponthem,ardentlylongingtowanderintheshadeofthosewoods,tolosemyselfinthosevalleys,whichformsodelightfulanobjectinthedistance。WithwhatreluctancedidIleavethischarmingspot;
whenmyhourofrecreationwasover,andmyleaveofabsenceexpired!Idrewneartothevillage:allthewell-knownoldsummerhousesandgardenswererecognisedagain;Idislikedthenewones,andallotheralterationswhichhadtakenplace。Ienteredthevillage,andallmyformerfeelingsreturned。Icannot,mydearfriend,enterintodetails,charmingasweremysensations:
theywouldbedullinthenarration。Ihadintendedtolodgeinthemarket-place,nearouroldhouse。AssoonasIentered,I
perceivedthattheschoolroom,whereourchildhoodhadbeentaughtbythatgoodoldwoman,wasconvertedintoashop。Icalledtomindthesorrow,theheaviness,thetears,andoppressionofheart,whichIexperiencedinthatconfinement。Everystepproducedsomeparticularimpression。ApilgrimintheHolyLanddoesnotmeetsomanyspotspregnantwithtenderrecollections,andhissoulishardlymovedwithgreaterdevotion。Oneincidentwillserveforillustration。Ifollowedthecourseofastreamtoafarm,formerlyadelightfulwalkofmine,andpausedatthespot,where,whenboys,weusedtoamuseourselvesmakingducksanddrakesuponthewater。IrecollectedsowellhowIusedformerlytowatchthecourseofthatsamestream,followingitwithinquiringeagerness,formingromanticideasofthecountriesitwastopassthrough;
butmyimaginationwassoonexhausted:whilethewatercontinuedflowingfartherandfartheron,tillmyfancybecamebewilderedbythecontemplationofaninvisibledistance。Exactlysuch,mydearfriend,sohappyandsoconfined,werethethoughtsofourgoodancestors。Theirfeelingsandtheirpoetrywerefreshaschildhood。And,whenUlyssestalksoftheimmeasurableseaandboundlessearth,hisepithetsaretrue,natural,deeplyfelt,andmysterious。OfwhatimportanceisitthatIhavelearned,witheveryschoolboy,thattheworldisround?Manneedsbutlittleearthforenjoyment,andstilllessforhisfinalrepose。
Iamatpresentwiththeprinceathishuntinglodge。Heisamanwithwhomonecanlivehappily。Heishonestandunaffected。Thereare,however,somestrangecharactersabouthim,whomIcannotatallunderstand。Theydonotseemvicious,andyettheydonotcarrytheappearanceofthoroughlyhonestmen。SometimesIamdisposedtobelievethemhonest,andyetIcannotpersuademyselftoconfideinthem。Itgrievesmetoheartheprinceoccasionallytalkofthingswhichhehasonlyreadorheardof,andalwayswiththesameviewinwhichtheyhavebeenrepresentedbyothers。
Hevaluesmyunderstandingandtalentsmorehighlythanmyheart,butIamproudofthelatteronly。Itisthesolesourceofeverythingofourstrength,happiness,andmisery。AlltheknowledgeIpossesseveryoneelsecanacquire,butmyheartisexclusivelymyown。
MAY25。
IhavehadaplaninmyheadofwhichIdidnotintendtospeaktoyouuntilitwasaccomplished:nowthatithasfailed,Imayaswellmentionit。Iwishedtoenterthearmy,andhadlongbeendesirousoftakingthestep。This,indeed,wasthechiefreasonformycomingherewiththeprince,asheisageneralintheservice。Icommunicatedmydesigntohimduringoneofourwalkstogether。Hedisapprovedofit,anditwouldhavebeenactualmadnessnottohavelistenedtohisreasons。
JUNE11。
Saywhatyouwill,Icanremainherenolonger。WhyshouldI
remain?Timehangsheavyuponmyhands。Theprinceisasgracioustomeasanyonecouldbe,andyetIamnotatmyease。Thereis,indeed,nothingincommonbetweenus。Heisamanofunderstanding,butquiteoftheordinarykind。HisconversationaffordsmenomoreamusementthanIshouldderivefromtheperusalofawell-writtenbook。IshallremainhereaweekIonger,andthenstartagainonmytravels。MydrawingsarethebestthingsIhavedonesinceI
camehere。Theprincehasatasteforthearts,andwouldimproveifhismindwerenotfetteredbycoldrulesandmeretechnicalideas。Ioftenlosepatience,when,withaglowingimagination,Iamgivingexpressiontoartandnature,heinterfereswithlearnedsuggestions,andusesatrandomthetechnicalphraseologyofartists。
JULY16。
OncemoreIamawanderer,apilgrim,throughtheworld。Butwhatelseareyou!
JULY18。
WhitheramIgoing?Iwilltellyouinconfidence。Iamobligedtocontinueafortnightlongerhere,andthenIthinkitwouldbebetterformetovisittheminesin——。ButIamonlydeludingmyselfthus。Thefactis,IwishtobenearCharlotteagain,thatisall。Ismileatthesuggestionsofmyheart,andobeyitsdictates。
JULY29。
No,no!itisyetwellalliswell!Iherhusband!OGod,whogavemebeing,ifthouhadstdestinedthishappinessforme,mywholelifewouldhavebeenonecontinualthanksgiving!ButIwillnotmurmur——forgivethesetears,forgivethesefruitlesswishes。
She——mywife!Oh,theverythoughtoffoldingthatdearestofHeaven’screaturesinmyarms!DearWilhelm,mywholeframefeelsconvulsedwhenIseeAlbertputhisarmsaroundherslenderwaist!
AndshallIavowit?WhyshouldInot,Wilhelm?Shewouldhavebeenhappierwithmethanwithhim。Albertisnotthemantosatisfythewishesofsuchaheart。Hewantsacertainsensibility;
hewants——inshort,theirheartsdonotbeatinunison。Howoften,mydearfriend,imreadingapassagefromsomeinterestingbook,whenmyheartandCharlotte’sseemedtomeet,andinahundredotherinstanceswhenoursentimentswereunfoldedbythestoryofsomefictitiouscharacter,haveIfeltthatweweremadeforeachother!But,dearWilhelm,helovesherwithhiswholesoul;andwhatdoesnotsuchalovedeserve?
Ihavebeeninterruptedbyaninsufferablevisit。Ihavedriedmytears,andcomposedmythoughts。Adieu,mybestfriend!
AUGUST4。
Iamnotaloneunfortunate。Allmenaredisappointedintheirhopes,anddeceivedintheirexpectations。Ihavepaidavisittomygoodoldwomanunderthelime-trees。Theeldestboyranouttomeetme:hisexclamationofjoybroughtouthismother,butshehadaverymelancholylook。Herfirstwordwas,"Alas!
dearsir,mylittleJohnisdead。"Hewastheyoungestofherchildren。Iwassilent。"AndmyhusbandhasreturnedfromSwitzerlandwithoutanymoney;and,ifsomekindpeoplehadnotassistedhim,hemusthavebeggedhiswayhome。Hewastakenillwithfeveronhisjourney。"Icouldanswernothing,butmadethelittleoneapresent。Sheinvitedmetotakesomefruit:Icomplied,andlefttheplacewithasorrowfulheart。
AUGUST21。
Mysensationsareconstantlychanging。Sometimesahappyprospectopensbeforeme;butalas!itisonlyforamoment;andthen,whenIamlostinreverie,Icannothelpsayingtomyself,"IfAlbertweretodie?——Yes,shewouldbecome——andIshouldbe"——andsoIpursueachimera,tillitleadsmetotheedgeofaprecipiceatwhichIshudder。
WhenIpassthroughthesamegate,andwalkalongthesameroadwhichfirstconductedmetoCharlotte,myheartsinkswithinmeatthechangethathassincetakenplace。All,all,isaltered!
Nosentiment,nopulsationofmyheart,isthesame。Mysensationsaresuchaswouldoccurtosomedepartedprincewhosespiritshouldreturntovisitthesuperbpalacewhichhehadbuiltinhappytimes,adornedwithcostlymagnificence,andlefttoabelovedson,butwhosegloryheshouldfinddeparted,anditshallsdesertedandinruins。
SEPTEMBER3。
Isometimescannotunderstandhowshecanloveanother,howshedaresloveanother,whenIlovenothinginthisworldsocompletely,sodevotedly,asIloveher,whenIknowonlyher,andhavenootherpossession。
SEPTEMBER4。
Itisevenso!Asnatureputsonherautumntintsitbecomesautumnwithmeandaroundme。Myleavesaresereandyellow,andtheneighbouringtreesaredivestedoftheirfoliage。Doyouremembermywritingtoyouaboutapeasantboyshortlyaftermyarrivalhere?IhavejustmadeinquiriesabouthiminWalheim。
Theysayhehasbeendismissedfromhisservice,andisnowavoidedbyeveryone。Imethimyesterdayontheroad,goingtoaneighbouringvillage。Ispoketohim,andhetoldmehisstory。
Itinterestedmeexceedingly,asyouwilleasilyunderstandwhenIrepeatittoyou。ButwhyshouldItroubleyou?WhyshouldI
notreserveallmysorrowformyself?WhyshouldIcontinuetogiveyouoccasiontopityandblameme?Butnomatter:thisalsoispartofmydestiny。
Atfirstthepeasantladansweredmyinquirieswithasortofsubduedmelancholy,whichseemedtomethemarkofatimiddisposition;
but,aswegrewtounderstandeachother,hespokewithlessreserve,andopenlyconfessedhisfaults,andlamentedhismisfortune。I
wish,mydearfriend,Icouldgiveproperexpressiontohislanguage。Hetoldmewithasortofpleasurablerecollection,that,aftermydeparture,hispassionforhismistressincreaseddaily,untilatlastheneitherknewwhathedidnorwhathesaid,norwhatwastobecomeofhim。Hecouldneithereatnordrinknorsleep:hefeltasenseofsuffocation;hedisobeyedallorders,andforgotallcommandsinvoluntarily;heseemedasifpursuedbyanevilspirit,tilloneday,knowingthathismistresshadgonetoanupperchamber,hehadfollowed,or,rather,beendrawnafterher。Assheproveddeaftohisentreaties,hehadrecoursetoviolence。Heknowsnotwhathappened;buthecalledGodtowitnessthathisintentionstoherwerehonourable,andthathedesirednothingmoresincerelythanthattheyshouldmarry,andpasstheirlivestogether。Whenhehadcometothispoint,hebegantohesitate,asiftherewassomethingwhichhehadnotcouragetoutter,tillatlengthheacknowledgedwithsomeconfusioncertainlittleconfidencesshehadencouraged,andlibertiesshehadallowed。
Hebrokeofftwoorthreetimesinhisnarration,andassuredmemostearnestlythathehadnowishtomakeherbad,ashetermedit,forhelovedherstillassincerelyasever;thatthetalehadneverbeforeescapedhislips,andwasonlynowtoldtoconvincemethathewasnotutterlylostandabandoned。Andhere,mydearfriend,ImustcommencetheoldsongwhichyouknowIuttereternally。
IfIcouldonlyrepresentthemanashestood,andstandsnowbeforeme,couldIonlygivehistrueexpressions,youwouldfeelcompelledtosympathiseinhisfate。Butenough:you,whoknowmymisfortuneandmydisposition,caneasilycomprehendtheattractionwhichdrawsmetowardeveryunfortunatebeing,butparticularlytowardhimwhosestoryIhaverecounted。
Onperusingthisletterasecondtime,IfindIhaveomittedtheconclusionofmytale;butitiseasilysupplied。Shebecamereservedtowardhim,attheinstigationofherbrotherwhohadlonghatedhim,anddesiredhisexpulsionfromthehouse,fearingthathissister’ssecondmarriagemightdeprivehischildrenofthehandsomefortunetheyexpectedfromher;assheischildless。
Hewasdismissedatlength;andthewholeaffairoccasionedsomuchscandal,thatthemistressdarednottakehimback,evenifshehadwishedit。Shehassincehiredanotherservant,withwhom,theysay,herbrotherisequallydispleased,andwhomsheislikelytomarry;butmyinformantassuresmethathehimselfisdeterminednottosurvivesuchacatastrophe。
Thisstoryisneitherexaggeratednorembellished:indeed,Ihaveweakenedandimpaireditinthenarration,bythenecessityofusingthemorerefinedexpressionsofsociety。
Thislove,then,thisconstancy,thispassion,isnopoeticalfiction。Itisactual,anddwellsinitsgreatestpurityamongstthatclassofmankindwhomwetermrude,uneducated。Wearetheeducated,nottheperverted。Butreadthisstorywithattention,Iimploreyou。Iamtranquilto-day,forIhavebeenemployeduponthisnarration:youseebymywritingthatIamnotsoagitatedasusual。Ireadandre-readthistale,Wilhelm:itisthehistoryofyourfriend!Myfortunehasbeenandwillbesimilar;andI
amneitherhalfsobravenorhalfsodeterminedasthepoorwretchwithwhomIhesitatetocomparemyself。
SEPTEMBER5。
Charlottehadwrittenalettertoherhusbandinthecountry,wherehewasdetainedbybusiness。Itcommenced,"Mydearestlove,returnassoonaspossible:Iawaityouwithathousandraptures。"
Afriendwhoarrived,broughtword,that,forcertainreasons,hecouldnotreturnimmediately。Charlotte’sletterwasnotforwarded,andthesameeveningitfellintomyhands。Ireadit,andsmiled。
Sheaskedthereason。"Whataheavenlytreasureisimagination:"
Iexclaimed;"Ifanciedforamomentthatthiswaswrittentome。"
Shepaused,andseemeddispleased。Iwassilent。
SEPTEMBER6。
ItcostmemuchtopartwiththebluecoatwhichIworethefirsttimeIdancedwithCharlotte。ButIcouldnotpossiblywearitanylonger。ButIhaveorderedanewone,preciselysimilar,eventothecollarandsleeves,aswellasanewwaistcoatandpantaloons。
Butitdoesnotproducethesameeffectuponme。Iknownothowitis,butIhopeintimeIshalllikeitbetter。
SEPTEMBER12。
Shehasbeenabsentforsomedays。ShewenttomeetAlbert。
To-dayIvisitedher:sherosetoreceiveme,andIkissedherhandmosttenderly。
Acanaryatthemomentflewfromamirror,andsettleduponhershoulder。"Hereisanewfriend,"sheobserved,whileshemadehimperchuponherhand:"heisapresentforthechildren。Whatadearheis!Lookathim!WhenIfeedhim,heflutterswithhiswings,andpeckssonicely。Hekissesme,too,onlylook!"
Sheheldthebirdtohermouth;andhepressedhersweetlipswithsomuchfervourthatheseemedtofeeltheexcessofblisswhichheenjoyed。
"Heshallkissyoutoo,"sheadded;andthensheheldthebirdtowardme。Hislittlebeakmovedfromhermouthtomine,andthedelightfulsensationseemedliketheforerunnerofthesweetestbliss。
"Akiss,"Iobserved,"doesnotseemtosatisfyhim:hewishesforfood,andseemsdisappointedbytheseunsatisfactoryendearments。"
"Butheeatsoutofmymouth,"shecontinued,andextendedherlipstohimcontainingseed;andshesmiledwithallthecharmofabeingwhohasallowedaninnocentparticipationofherlove。
Iturnedmyfaceaway。Sheshouldnotactthus。Sheoughtnottoexcitemyimaginationwithsuchdisplaysofheavenlyinnocenceandhappiness,norawakenmyheartfromitsslumbers,inwhichitdreamsoftheworthlessnessoflife!Andwhynot?BecausesheknowshowmuchIloveher。
SEPTEMBER15。
Itmakesmewretched,Wilhelm,tothinkthatthereshouldbemenincapableofappreciatingthefewthingswhichpossessarealvalueinlife。YourememberthewalnuttreesatS——,underwhichIusedtositwithCharlotte,duringmyvisitstotheworthyoldvicar。
Thoseglorioustrees,theverysightofwhichhassooftenfilledmyheartwithjoy,howtheyadornedandrefreshedtheparsonageyard,withtheirwide-extendedbranches!andhowpleasingwasourremembranceofthegoodoldpastor,bywhosehandstheywereplantedsomanyyearsago:Theschoolmasterhasfrequentlymentionedhisname。Hehaditfromhisgrandfather。Hemusthavebeenamostexcellentman;and,undertheshadeofthoseoldtrees,hismemorywaseverveneratedbyme。Theschoolmasterinformedusyesterday,withtearsinhiseyes,thatthosetreeshadbeenfelled。
Yes,cuttotheground!Icould,inmywrath,haveslainthemonsterwhostruckthefirststroke。AndImustendurethis!——
I,who,ifIhadhadtwosuchtreesinmyowncourt,andonehaddiedfromoldage,shouldhaveweptwithrealaffliction。Butthereissomecomfortleft,suchathingissentiment,thewholevillagemurmursatthemisfortune;andIhopethevicar’swifewillsoonfind,bythecessationofthevillagers’presents,howmuchshehaswoundedthefeelingsoftheneighborhhood。Itwasshewhodidit,thewifeofthepresentincumbent(ourgoodoldmanisdead),atall,sicklycreaturewhoissofarrighttodisregardtheworld,astheworldtotallydisregardsher。Thesillybeingaffectstobelearned,pretendstoexaminethecanonicalbooks,lendsheraidtowardthenew-fashionedreformationofChristendom,moralandcritical,andshrugsuphershouldersatthementionofLavater’senthusiasm。Herhealthisdestroyed,onaccountofwhichsheispreventedfromhavinganyenjoymentherebelow。Onlysuchacreaturecouldhavecutdownmywalnuttrees!
Icanneverpardonit。Hearherreasons。Thefallingleavesmadethecourtwetanddirty;thebranchesobstructedthelight;boysthrewstonesatthenutswhentheywereripe,andthenoiseaffectedhernerves;anddisturbedherprofoundmeditations,whenshewasweighingthediffcultiesofKennicot,Semler,andMichaelis。
Findingthatalltheparish,particularlytheoldpeople,weredispleased,Iasked"whytheyallowedit?""Ah,sir!"theyreplied,"whenthestewardorders,whatcanwepoorpeasantsdo?"Butonethinghashappenedwell。Thestewardandthevicar(who,foronce,thoughttoreapsomeadvantagefromthecapricesofhiswife)
intendedtodividethetreesbetweenthem。Therevenue-office,beinginformedofit,revivedanoldclaimtothegroundwherethetreeshadstood,andsoldthemtothebestbidder。Theretheystilllieontheground。IfIwerethesovereign,Ishouldknowhowtodealwiththemall,vicar,steward,andrevenue-office。
Sovereign,didIsay?Ishould,inthatcase,carelittleaboutthetreesthatgrewinthecountry。
OCTOBER10。
Onlytogazeuponherdarkeyesistomeasourceofhappiness!
Andwhatgrievesme,is,thatAlbertdoesnotseemsohappyashe——hopedtobe——asIshouldhavebeen——if——Iamnofriendtothesepauses,buthereIcannotexpressitotherwise;andprobablyIamexplicitenough。
OCTOBER12。
OssianhassupersededHomerinmyheart。Towhataworlddoestheillustriousbardcarryme!Towanderoverpathlesswilds,surroundedbyimpetuouswhirlwinds,where,bythefeeblelightofthemoon,weseethespiritsofourancestors;tohearfromthemountain-tops,midtheroaroftorrents,theirplaintivesoundsissuingfromdeepcaverns,andthesorrowfullamentationsofamaidenwhosighsandexpiresonthemossytombofthewarriorbywhomshewasadored。Imeetthisbardwithsilverhair;hewandersinthevalley;heseeksthefootstepsofhisfathers,and,alas!hefindsonlytheirtombs。Then,contemplatingthepalemoon,asshesinksbeneaththewavesoftherollingsea,thememoryofbygonedaysstrikesthemindofthehero,dayswhenapproachingdangerinvigoratedthebrave,andthemoonshoneuponhisbarkladenwithspoils,andreturningintriumph。WhenIreadinhiscountenancedeepsorrow,whenIseehisdyingglorysinkexhaustedintothegrave,asheinhalesnewandheart-thrillingdelightfromhisapproachingunionwithhisbeloved,andhecastsalookonthecoldearthandthetallgrasswhichissosoontocoverhim,andthenexclaims,"Thetravellerwillcome,——hewillcomewhohasseenmybeauty,andhewillask,’Whereisthebard,whereistheillustrioussonofFingal?’Hewillwalkovermytomb,andwillseekmeinvain!"Then,Omyfriend,Icouldinstantly,likeatrueandnobleknight,drawmysword,anddelivermyprincefromthelongandpainfullanguorofalivingdeath,anddismissmyownsoultofollowthedemigodwhommyhandhadsetfree!
OCTOBER19。
Alas!thevoidthefearfulvoid,whichIfeelinmybosom!SometimesIthink,ifIcouldonlyoncebutonce,presshertomyheart,thisdreadfulvoidwouldbefilled。
OCTOBER26。
Yes,Ifeelcertain,Wilhelm,andeverydayIbecomemorecertain,thattheexistenceofanybeingwhateverisofverylittleconsequence。
AfriendofCharlotte’scalledtoseeherjustnow。Iwithdrewintoaneighbouringapartment,andtookupabook;but,findingI
couldnotread,Isatdowntowrite。Iheardthemconverseinanundertone:theyspokeuponindifferenttopics,andretailedthenewsofthetown。Onewasgoingtobemarried;anotherwasill,veryill,shehadadrycough,herfacewasgrowingthinnerdaily,andshehadoccasionalfits。"N——isveryunwelltoo,"saidCharlotte。"Hislimbsbegintoswellalready,"answeredtheother;
andmylivelyimaginationcarriedmeatoncetothebedsoftheinfirm。ThereIseethemstrugglingagainstdeath,withalltheagoniesofpainandhorror;andthesewomen,Wilhelm,talkofallthiswithasmuchindifferenceasonewouldmentionthedeathofastranger。AndwhenIlookaroundtheapartmentwhereInowam——whenIseeCharlotte’sapparellyingbeforeme,andAlbert’swritings,andallthosearticlesoffurniturewhicharesofamiliartome,eventotheveryinkstandwhichIamusing,——whenIthinkwhatIamtothisfamily——everything。Myfriendsesteemme;Ioftencontributetotheirhappiness,andmyheartseemsasifitcouldnotbeatwithoutthem;andyet——-ifIweretodie,ifIweretobesummonedfromthemidstofthiscircle,wouldtheyfeel——
orhowlongwouldtheyfeelthevoidwhichmylosswouldmakeintheirexistence?Howlong!Yes,suchisthefrailtyofman,thateventhere,wherehehasthegreatestconsciousnessofhisownbeing,wherehemakesthestrongestandmostforcibleimpression,eveninthememory,intheheart,ofhisbeloved,therealsohemustperish,——vanish,——andthatquickly。
OCTOBER27。
Icouldtearopenmybosomwithvexationtothinkhowlittlewearecapableofinfluencingthefeelingsofeachother。Noonecancommunicatetomethosesensationsoflove,joy,rapture,anddelightwhichIdonotnaturallypossess;and,thoughmyheartmayglowwiththemostlivelyaffection,Icannotmakethehappinessofoneinwhomthesamewarmthisnotinherent。
OCTOBER27:Evening。
Ipossesssomuch,butmyloveforherabsorbsitall。Ipossesssomuch,butwithoutherIhavenothing。
OCTOBER30。
OnehundredtimeshaveIbeenonthepointofembracingher。
Heavens!whatatormentitistoseesomuchlovelinesspassingandrepassingbeforeus,andyetnotdaretolayholdofit!
Andlayingholdisthemostnaturalofhumaninstincts。Donotchildrentoucheverythingtheysee?AndI!
NOVEMBER3。
Witness,Heaven,howoftenIliedowninmybedwithawish,andevenahope,thatImayneverawakenagain。Andinthemorning,whenIopenmyeyes,Ibeholdthesunoncemore,andamwretched。
IfIwerewhimsical,Imightblametheweather,oranacquaintance,orsomepersonaldisappointment,formydiscontentedmind;andthenthisinsupportableloadoftroublewouldnotrestentirelyuponmyself。But,alas!Ifeelittoosadly。Iamalonethecauseofmyownwoe,amInot?Truly,myownbosomcontainsthesourceofallmysorrow,asitpreviouslycontainedthesourceofallmypleasure。AmInotthesamebeingwhoonceenjoyedanexcessofhappiness,who,ateverystep,sawparadiseopenbeforehim,andwhoseheartwaseverexpandedtowardthewholeworld?Andthisheartisnowdead,nosentimentcanreviveit;myeyesaredry;
andmysenses,nomorerefreshedbytheinfluenceofsofttears,witherandconsumemybrain。Isuffermuch,forIhavelosttheonlycharmoflife:thatactive,sacredpowerwhichcreatedworldsaroundme,——itisnomore。WhenIlookfrommywindowatthedistanthills,andbeholdthemorningsunbreakingthroughthemists,andilluminatingthecountryaround,whichisstillwrappedinsilence,whilstthesoftstreamwindsgentlythroughthewillows,whichhaveshedtheirleaves;whengloriousnaturedisplaysallherbeautiesbeforeme,andherwondrousprospectsareineffectualtoextractonetearofjoyfrommywitheredheart,IfeelthatinsuchamomentIstandlikeareprobatebeforeheaven,hardened,insensible,andunmoved。OftentimesdoIthenbendmykneetotheearth,andimploreGodfortheblessingoftears,asthedespondinglabourerinsomescorchingclimatepraysforthedewsofheaventomoistenhisparchedcorn。
ButIfeelthatGoddoesnotgrantsunshineorraintoourimportunateentreaties。Andoh,thosebygonedays,whosememorynowtormentsme!whyweretheysofortunate?BecauseIthenwaitedwithpatiencefortheblessingsoftheEternal,andreceivedhisgiftswiththegratefulfeelingsofathankfulheart。
NOVEMBER8。
Charlottehasreprovedmeformyexcesses,withsomuchtendernessandgoodness!Ihavelatelybeeninthehabitofdrinkingmorewinethanheretofore。"Don’tdoit,"shesaid。"ThinkofCharlotte!"
"Thinkofyou!"Ianswered;"needyoubidmedoso?Thinkofyou——Idonotthinkofyou:youareeverbeforemysoul!ThisverymorningIsatonthespotwhere,afewdaysago,youdescendedfromthecarriage,and——"Sheimmediatelychangedthesubjecttopreventmefrompursuingitfarther。Mydearfriend,myenergiesareallprostrated:shecandowithmewhatshepleases。
NOVEMBER15。
Ithankyou,Wilhelm,foryourcordialsympathy,foryourexcellentadvice;andIimploreyoutobequiet。Leavemetomysufferings。
Inspiteofmywretchedness,Ihavestillstrengthenoughforendurance。Ireverereligion——youknowIdo。Ifeelthatitcanimpartstrengthtothefeebleandcomforttotheafflicted,butdoesitaffectallmenequally?Considerthisvastuniverse:
youwillseethousandsforwhomithasneverexisted,thousandsforwhomitwillneverexist,whetheritbepreachedtothem,ornot;andmustit,then,necessarilyexistforme?DoesnottheSonofGodhimselfsaythattheyarehiswhomtheFatherhasgiventohim?HaveIbeengiventohim?WhatiftheFatherwillretainmeforhimself,asmyheartsometimessuggests?Iprayyou,donotmisinterpretthis。Donotextractderisionfrommyharmlesswords。Ipouroutmywholesoulbeforeyou。Silencewereotherwisepreferabletome,butIneednotshrinkfromasubjectofwhichfewknowmorethanIdomyself。Whatisthedestinyofman,buttofillupthemeasureofhissufferings,andtodrinkhisallottedcupofbitterness?AndifthatsamecupprovedbittertotheGodofheaven,underahumanform,whyshouldIaffectafoolishpride,andcallitsweet?WhyshouldIbeashamedofshrinkingatthatfearfulmoment,whenmywholebeingwilltremblebetweenexistenceandannihilation,whenaremembranceofthepast,likeaflashoflightning,willilluminatethedarkgulfoffuturity,wheneverythingshalldissolvearoundme,andthewholeworldvanishaway?Isnotthisthevoiceofacreatureoppressedbeyondallresource,self-deficient,abouttoplungeintoinevitabledestruction,andgroaningdeeplyatitsinadequatestrength,"MyGod!myGod!whyhastthouforsakenme?"AndshouldIfeelashamedtoutterthesameexpression?ShouldInotshudderataprospectwhichhaditsfears,evenforhimwhofoldsuptheheavenslikeagarment?
NOVEMBER21。
Shedoesnotfeel,shedoesnotknow,thatsheispreparingapoisonwhichwilldestroyusboth;andIdrinkdeeplyofthedraughtwhichistoprovemydestruction。Whatmeanthoselooksofkindnesswithwhichsheoften——often?no,notoften,butsometimes,regardsme,thatcomplacencywithwhichshehearstheinvoluntarysentimentswhichfrequentlyescapeme,andthetenderpityformysufferingswhichappearsinhercountenance?
Yesterday,whenItookleavesheseizedmebythehand,andsaid,"Adieu,dearWerther。"DearWerther!Itwasthefirsttimesheevercalledmedear:thesoundsunkdeepintomyheart。Ihaverepeateditahundredtimes;andlastnight,ongoingtobed,andtalkingtomyselfofvariousthings,Isuddenlysaid,"Goodnight,dearWerther!"andthencouldnotbutlaughatmyself。
NOVEMBER22
Icannotpray,"Leavehertome!"andyetsheoftenseemstobelongtome。Icannotpray,"Givehertome!"forsheisanother’s。InthiswayIaffectmirthovermytroubles;and,ifIhadtime,Icouldcomposeawholelitanyofantitheses。
NOVEMBER24。
Sheissensibleofmysufferings。Thismorningherlookpiercedmyverysoul。Ifoundheralone,andshewassilent:shesteadfastlysurveyedme。Inolongersawinherfacethecharmsofbeautyorthefireofgenius:thesehaddisappeared。ButIwasaffectedbyanexpressionmuchmoretouching,alookofthedeepestsympathyandofthesoftestpity。WhywasIafraidtothrowmyselfatherfeet?WhydidInotdaretotakeherinmyarms,andanswerherbyathousandkisses?Shehadrecoursetoherpianoforrelief,andinalowandsweetvoiceaccompaniedthemusicwithdelicioussounds。Herlipsneverappearedsolovely:theyseemedbutjusttoopen,thattheymightimbibethesweettoneswhichissuedfromtheinstrument,andreturntheheavenlyvibrationfromherlovelymouth。Oh!whocanexpressmysensations?Iwasquiteovercome,and,bendingdown,pronouncedthisvow:"Beautifullips,whichtheangelsguard,neverwillIseektoprofaneyourpuritywithakiss。"
Andyet,myfriend,oh,Iwish——butmyheartisdarkenedbydoubtandindecision——couldIbuttastefelicity,andthendietoexpiatethesin!Whatsin?
NOVEMBER26。
OftentimesIsaytomyself,"Thoualoneartwretched:allothermortalsarehappy,nonearedistressedlikethee!"ThenIreadapassageinanancientpoet,andIseemtounderstandmyownheart。Ihavesomuchtoendure!Havemenbeforemeeverbeensowretched?
NOVEMBER30。
Ishallneverbemyselfagain!WhereverIgo,somefatalityoccurstodistractme。Evento-dayalas——forourdestiny!alasforhumannature!
Aboutdinner-timeIwenttowalkbytheriver-side,forIhadnoappetite。Everythingaroundseemedgloomy:acoldanddampeasterlywindblewfromthemountains,andblack,heavycloudsspreadovertheplain。Iobservedatadistanceamaninatatteredcoat:hewaswanderingamongtherocks,andseemedtobelookingforplants。
WhenIapproached,heturnedroundatthenoise;andIsawthathehadaninterestingcountenanceinwhichasettledmelancholy,stronglymarkedbybenevolence,formedtheprincipalfeature。
Hislongblackhairwasdivided,andflowedoverhisshoulders。
Ashisgarbbetokenedapersonofthelowerorder,IthoughthewouldnottakeitillifIinquiredabouthisbusiness;andI
thereforeaskedwhathewasseeking。Hereplied,withadeepsigh,thathewaslookingforflowers,andcouldfindnone。"Butitisnottheseason,"Iobserved,withasmile。"Oh,therearesomanyflowers!"heanswered,ashecamenearertome。"Inmygardentherearerosesandhoneysucklesoftwosorts:onesortwasgiventomebymyfather!theygrowasplentifullyasweeds;Ihavebeenlookingforthemthesetwodays,andcannotfindthem。Thereareflowersoutthere,yellow,blue,andred;andthatcentauryhasaveryprettyblossom:butIcanfindnoneofthem。"Iobservedhispeculiarity,andthereforeaskedhim,withanairofindifference,whatheintendedtodowithhisflowers。Astrangesmileoverspreadhiscountenance。Holdinghisfingertohismouth,heexpressedahopethatIwouldnotbetrayhim;andhetheninformedmethathehadpromisedtogatheranosegayforhismistress。"Thatisright,"
saidI。"Oh!"hereplied,"shepossessesmanyotherthingsaswell:sheisveryrich。""Andyet,"Icontinued,"shelikesyournosegays。""Oh,shehasjewelsandcrowns!"heexclaimed。Iaskedwhoshewas。"Ifthestates-generalwouldbutpayme,"headded,"Ishouldbequiteanotherman。Alas!therewasatimewhenIwassohappy;butthatispast,andIamnow——"Heraisedhisswimmingeyestoheaven。"Andyouwerehappyonce?"Iobserved。"Ah,wouldIweresostill!"washisreply。"Iwasthenasgayandcontentedasamancanbe。"Anoldwoman,whowascomingtowardus,nowcalledout,"Henry,Henry!whereareyou?Wehavebeenlookingforyoueverywhere:cometodinner。""Isheyourson?"
Iinquired,asIwenttowardher。"Yes,"shesaid:"heismypoor,unfortunateson。TheLordhassentmeaheavyaffliction。"Iaskedwhetherhehadbeenlonginthisstate。Sheanswered,"Hehasbeenascalmasheisatpresentforaboutsixmonths。IthankHeaventhathehassofarrecovered:hewasforonewholeyearquiteraving,andchaineddowninamadhouse。Nowheinjuresnoone,buttalksofnothingelsethankingsandqueens。Heusedtobeaverygood,quietyouth,andhelpedtomaintainme;hewroteaveryfinehand;
butallatoncehebecamemelancholy,wasseizedwithaviolentfever,grewdistracted,andisnowasyousee。IfIwereonlytotellyou,sir——"Iinterruptedherbyaskingwhatperioditwasinwhichheboastedofhavingbeensohappy。"Poorboy!"sheexclaimed,withasmileofcormpassion,"hemeansthetimewhenhewascompletelyderanged,atimeheneverceasestoregret,whenhewasinthemadhouse,andunconsciousofeverything。"I
wasthunderstruck:Iplacedapieceofmoneyinherhand,andhastenedaway。
"Youwerehappy!"Iexclaimed,asIreturnedquicklytothetown,"’asgayandcontentedasamancanbe!’"Godofheaven!
andisthisthedestinyofman?Isheonlyhappybeforehehasacquiredhisreason,orafterhehaslostit?Unfortunatebeing!
AndyetIenvyyourfate:Ienvythedelusiontowhichyouareavictim。Yougoforthwithjoytogatherflowersforyourprincess,——inwinter,——andgrievewhenyoucanfindnone,andcannotunderstandwhytheydonotgrow。ButIwanderforthwithoutjoy,withouthope,withoutdesign;andIreturnasIcame。Youfancywhatamanyouwouldbeifthestatesgeneralpaidyou。Happymortal,whocanascribeyourwretchednesstoanearthlycause!
Youdonotknow,youdonotfeel,thatinyourowndistractedheartanddisorderedbraindwellsthesourceofthatunhappinesswhichallthepotentatesonearthcannotrelieve。
Letthatmandieunconsoledwhocanderidetheinvalidforundertakingajourneytodistant,healthfulsprings,whereheoftenfindsonlyaheavierdiseaseandamorepainfuldeath,orwhocanexultoverthedespairingmindofasinner,who,toobtainpeaceofconscienceandanalleviationofmisery,makesapilgrimagetotheHolySepulchre。Eachlaboriousstepwhichgallshiswoundedfeetinroughanduntroddenpathspoursadropofbalmintohistroubledsoul,andthejourneyofmanyawearydaybringsanightlyrelieftohisanguishedheart。Willyoudarecallthisenthusiasm,yecrowdofpompousdeclaimers?Enthusiasm!0God!thouseestmytears。Thouhastallottedusourportionofmisery:mustwealsohavebrethrentopersecuteus,todepriveusofourconsolation,ofourtrustinthee,andinthyloveandmercy?Forourtrustinthevirtueofthehealingroot,orinthestrengthofthevine,whatisitelsethanabeliefintheefromwhomallthatsurroundsusderivesitshealingandrestoringpowers?Father,whomIknownot,——whowertoncewonttofillmysoul,butwhonowhidestthyfacefromme,——callmebacktothee;besilentnolonger;thysilenceshallnotdelayasoulwhichthirstsafterthee。Whatman,whatfather,couldbeangrywithasonforreturningtohimsuddenly,forfallingonhisneck,andexclaiming,"Iamhereagain,myfather!forgivemeifIhaveanticipatedmyjourney,andreturnedbeforetheappointedtime!Theworldiseverywherethesame,——
asceneoflabourandpain,ofpleasureandreward;butwhatdoesitallavail?Iamhappyonlywherethouart,andinthypresenceamIcontenttosufferorenjoy。"Andwouldstthou,heavenlyFather,banishsuchachildfromthypresence?
DECEMBER1。
Wilhelm,themanaboutwhomIwrotetoyou——thatmansoenviableinhismisfortunes——wassecretarytoCharlotte’sfather;andanunhappypassionforherwhichhecherished,concealed,andatlengthdiscovered,causedhimtobedismissedfromhissituation。
Thismadehimmad。Think,whilstyouperusethisplainnarration,whatanimpressionthecircumstancehasmadeuponme!ButitwasrelatedtomebyAlbertwithasmuchcalmnessasyouwillprobablyperuseit。
DECEMBER4。
Iimploreyourattention。Itisalloverwithme。Icansupportthisstatenolonger。To-dayIwassittingbyCharlotte。Shewasplayinguponherpianoasuccessionofdelightfulmelodies,withsuchintenseexpression!Herlittlesisterwasdressingherdolluponmylap。Thetearscameintomyeyes。Ileaneddown,andlookedintentlyatherwedding-ring:mytearsfell——immediatelyshebegantoplaythatfavourite,thatdivine,airwhichhassooftenenchantedme。Ifeltcomfortfromarecollectionofthepast,ofthosebygonedayswhenthatairwasfamiliartome;andthenIrecalledallthesorrowsandthedisappointmentswhichI
hadsinceendured。Ipacedwithhastystridesthroughtheroom,myheartbecameconvulsedwithpainfulemotions。AtlengthI
wentuptoher,andexclaimedWitheagerness,"ForHeaven’ssake,playthatairnolonger!"Shestopped,andlookedsteadfastlyatme。Shethensaid,withasmilewhichsunkdeepintomyheart,"Werther,youareill:yourdearestfoodisdistastefultoyou。
Butgo,Ientreatyou,andendeavourtocomposeyourself。"I
toremyselfaway。God,thouseestmytorments,andwiltendthem!
DECEMBER6。
Howherimagehauntsme!Wakingorasleep,shefillsmyentiresoul!SoonasIclosemyeyes,here,inmybrain,whereallthenervesofvisionareconcentrated,herdarkeyesareimprinted。
Here——Idonotknowhowtodescribeit;but,ifIshutmyeyes,hersareimmediatelybeforeme:darkasanabysstheyopenuponme,andabsorbmysenses。
Andwhatisman——thatboasteddemigod?Donothispowersfailwhenhemostrequirestheiruse?Andwhetherhesoarinjoy,orsinkinsorrow,isnothiscareerinbothinevitablyarrested?
And,whilsthefondlydreamsthatheisgraspingatinfinity,doeshenotfeelcompelledtoreturntoaconsciousnessofhiscold,monotonousexistence?
THEEDITORTOTHEREADER。
Itisamatterofextremeregretthatwewantoriginalevidenceofthelastremarkabledaysofourfriend;andweare,therefore,obligedtointerrupttheprogressofhiscorrespondence,andtosupplythedeficiencybyaconnectednarration。
Ihavefeltitmydutytocollectaccurateinformationfromthemouthsofpersonswellacquaintedwithhishistory。Thestoryissimple;andalltheaccountsagree,exceptinsomeunimportantparticulars。Itistrue,that,withrespecttothecharactersofthepersonsspokenof,opinionsandjudgmentsvary。
Wehaveonly,then,torelateconscientiouslythefactswhichourdiligentlabourhasenabledustocollect,togivethelettersofthedeceased,andtopayparticularattentiontotheslightestfragmentfromhispen,moreespeciallyasitissodifficulttodiscovertherealandcorrectmotivesofmenwhoarenotofthecommonorder。
SorrowanddiscontenthadtakendeeprootinWerther’ssoul,andgraduallyimpartedtheircharactertohiswholebeing。Theharmonyofhismindbecamecompletelydisturbed;aperpetualexcitementandmentalirritation,whichweakenedhisnaturalpowers,producedthesaddestetfectsuponhim,andrenderedhimatlengththevictimofanexhaustionagainstwhichhestruggledwithstillmorepainfuleffortsthanhehaddisplayed,evenincontendingwithhisothermisfortunes。Hismentalanxietyweakenedhisvariousgoodqualities;
andhewassoonconvertedintoagloomycompanion,alwaysunhappyandunjustinhisideas,themorewretchedhebecame。Thiswas,atleast,theopinionofAlbert’sfriends。Theyassert,moreover,thatthecharacterofAlberthimselfhadundergonenochangeinthemeantime:hewasstillthesamebeingwhomWertherhadloved,honoured,andrespectedfromthecommencement。HisloveforCharlottewasunbounded:hewasproudofher,anddesiredthatsheshouldberecognisedbyeveryoneasthenoblestofcreatedbeings。Washe,however,toblameforwishingtoavertfromhereveryappearanceofsuspicion?orforhisunwillingnesstosharehisrichprizewithanother,evenforamoment,andinthemostinnocentmanner?ItisassertedthatAlbertfrequentlyretiredfromhiswife’sapartmentduringWerther’svisits;butthisdidnotarisefromhatredoraversiontohisfriend,butonlyfromafeelingthathispresencewasoppressivetoWerther。
Charlotte’sfather,whowasconfinedtothehousebyindisposition,wasaccustomedtosendhiscarriageforher,thatshemightmakeexcursionsintheneighbourhood。Onedaytheweatherhadbeenunusuallysevere,andthewholecountrywascoveredwithsnow。
WertherwentforCharlottethefollowingmorning,inorderthat,ifAlbertwereabsent,hemightconductherhome。
Thebeautifulweatherproducedbutlittleimpressiononhistroubledspirit。Aheavyweightlayuponhissoul,deepmelancholyhadtakenpossessionofhim,andhismindknewnochangesavefromonepainfulthoughttoanother。