首页 >出版文学> Dolly Dialogues>第2章

第2章

  Mrs。Hilaryrosetoherfeet。"Whowasthecreature?"sheaskedsharply。
  "Come,"Iexpostulated,"howwouldyoulikeitifyouryoungmanhadtakentotheftand——"
  "Oh,nonsense。Tellmehername,please,Mr。Carter。"
  "JohnnytoldHilarythatjusttoseeherandtalktoherandsitbyhersidewas’worthallthemoney’——butthen,tobesure,itwassomebodyelse’smoney——andthathe’ddoitagaintogetwhathehadgotoveragain。Then,I’msorrytosay,heswore。"
  "AndHilarybelievedthatstuff?"
  "Hilaryagreedwithhim,"saidI。"Hilary,yousee,knowsthelady。"
  "What’shername,Mr。Carter?"
  "Didn’tyounoticehisattentionstoanyone?"
  "Inotice!Youdon’tmeanthatI’veseenher?"
  "Certainlyyouhave。"
  "Wassheeverhere?’
  "Yes,Mrs。Hilary。Hilarytakescareofthat。"
  "Ishallbeangryinaminute,Mr。Carter。Oh,I’llhavethisoutofHilary!"
  "Ishould。"
  "Whowasshe?"
  "AccordingtowhathetoldHilary,shewasthemostfascinatingwomanintheworld,Hilarythoughtso,too。"
  Mrs。Hilarybegantowalkupanddown。
  "Oh,soHilaryhelpedtolethimgo,becausetheyboth——?"
  "Precisely,"saidI。
  "Andyoudaretocomeandtellme?"
  "Well,Ithoughtyououghttoknow,"saidI。"Hilary’sjustasmadaboutherasJohnny——infact,hesaidhe’dbehangedifhewouldn’thavedonethesamehimself。"
  IhaveonceseenMadameRistoriplayLadyMacbeth。HerperformancewasrecalledtomebythetonesinwhichMrs。Hilaryasked:
  "Whoisthiswoman,ifyouplease,Mr。Carter?"
  "SoHilarygothimoff——gavehimfiftypoundstoo。"
  "Gladtogethimaway,perhaps,"sheburstout,inangryscorn。
  "Whoknows?"saidI。"Perhaps。"
  "Hername?"demandedLadyMacbeth——ImeanMrs。Hilary——again。
  "Ishan’ttellyou,unlessyoupromisetosaynothingtoHilary。"
  "Tosaynothing!Well,really——"
  "Oh,allright!"andItookupmyhat。
  "ButIcanwatchthem,can’tI?"
  "Asmuchasyoulike。"
  "Won’tyoutellme?"
  "Ifyoupromise。"
  "Well,then,Ipromise。"
  "Lookintheglass。"
  "Whatfor?"
  "Toseeyourface,tobesure。"
  Shestarted,blushedred,andmovedasteptowardsme。
  "Youdon’tmean——?"shecried。
  "Thouartthewoman,"saidI。
  "Oh,butheneversaidaword——"
  "Johnnyhadhiscode,"saidI。"Andinsomewaysitwasbetterthansomepeople’s——insome,alas!worse。"
  "AndHilary?"
  "ReallyyouknowbetterthanIdowhetherI’vetoldthetruthaboutHilary。"
  Apauseensued。ThenMrs。Hilarymadethreeshortremarks,whichIgiveintheirorder:
  (1)"Thelittlewretch!"(2)"DearoldHilary!"(3)"Poorlittleman!"
  Itookmyhat。IknewthatHilarywasduefromthecityinafewminutes。Mrs。Hilarysatdownbythefire。
  "Howdareyoutormentmeso?"sheasked,butnotintheleastlikeLadyMacbeth。
  "Imusthavemylittleamusements,"saidI。
  "Whatanaudaciouslittlecreature!"saidMrs。Hilary。"Fancyhisdaring!——Aren’tyouastounded?"
  "Oh,yes,Iam。ButHilary,yousee——"
  "It’snearlyhistime,"saidMrs。Hilary。
  Ibuttonedmyleftgloveandheldoutmyrighthand。
  "I’veagoodmindnottoshakehandswithyou,"saidshe。
  "Wasn’titabsurdofHilary?"
  "Horribly。"
  "Heoughttohavebeenallthemoreangry。"
  "Ofcourseheought。"
  "Thepresumptionofit!"AndMrs。Hilarysmiled。Ialsosmiled。
  "Thatpooroldmotherofhis,"reflectedMrs。Hilary。"Wheredidyousayshelived?"
  "Hilaryknowstheaddress,"saidI。
  "Sillylittlewretch!"musedMrs。Hilary,stillsmiling。
  "Goodbye,"saidI。
  "Goodbye,"saidMrs。Hilary。
  Iturnedtowardthedoorandhadlaidmyhandontheknob,whenMrs。Hilarycalledsoftly:
  "Mr。Carter。"
  "Yes,"saidI,turning。
  "Doyouknowwherethelittlewretchhasgone?"
  "Oh,yes,"saidI。
  "I——Isupposeyoudon’teverwritetohim?"
  "Dearme,no,"saidI。
  "Butyou——could?"suggestedMrs。Hilary。
  "Ofcourse,"saidI。
  Shejumpedupandrantowardsme。Herpursewasinonehand,andabitofpaperflutteredintheother。
  "Sendhimthat——don’ttellhim,"shewhispered,andhervoicehadalittlecatchinit。"Poorlittlewretch!"saidshe。
  Asforme,Ismiledcynically——quitecynically,youknow;foritwasveryabsurd。
  "Pleasedo,"saidMrs。Hilary。
  AndIwent。
  Supposingithadbeenanotherwoman?Well,Iwonder!
  ANEXPENSIVEPRIVILEGE
  Aratheruncomfortablethinghappenedtheotherdaywhichthreatenedaschisminmyacquaintanceandputmeinadecidedlyawkwardposition。Itwasnootherthanthis:Mrs。HilaryMusgravehaddefinitelyinformedmethatshedidnotapproveofLadyMickleham。Theattitudeis,nodoubt,aconceivableone,butIwassurprisedthatawomanofMrs。Hilary’slargesympathiesshouldadoptit。Besides,Mrs。Hilaryisquitegood—lookingherself。
  Thehistoryoftheaffairismuchasfollows:IcalledonMrs。
  HilarytoseewhetherIcoulddoanything,andshetoldmeallaboutit。ItappearsthatMrs。Hilaryhadabadcoldandacousinupfromthecountryaboutthesametime(shewasjustlyaggrievedatthedoubleevent),andbeingunabletogototheDuchessofDexminster’s"squash,"sheaskedDollyMicklehamtochaperonlittleMissPhyllis。LittleMissPhyllis,ofcourse,knewnoonethere——theDuchessleastofall——(butthenveryfewofus——yes,Iwasthere——knewtheDuchess,andtheDuchessdidn’tknowanyofus;Isawhershakehandswithawaitermyself,justtobeonthesafeside),andanhourafterthepartybeganshewasdiscoveredwanderingaboutinamostdesolatecondition。
  Dollyhadtoldherthatshewouldbeinacertainplace;andwhenMissPhylliscame,Dollywasnotthere。Thepoorlittleladywanderedaboutforanotherhour,lookingsolostthatonewasinclinedtosendforapoliceman;andthenshesatdownonaseatbythewall,and,indesperation,askedhernext—doorneighborifheknewLadyMicklehambysight,andhadheseenherlately?Thenext—doorneighbor,bywayofreply,calledouttoaquietelderlygentlemanwhowassidlingunobtrusivelyabout,"Duke,arethereanyparticularlysnugcornersinyourhouse?"TheDukestopped,searchedhismemory,andsaidthatattheendoftheRedCorridortherewasapassage,andthatafewyardsdownthepassage,ifyouturnedverysuddenlytotheright,youwouldcomeonalittlenookunderthestairs。Thelittlenookjustheldasettee,andthesettee(theDukethought)mightjustholdtwopeople。Thenext—doorneighborthankedtheDuke,andobservedtoMissPhyllis——
  "ItwillgivemegreatpleasuretotakeyoutoLadyMickleham。"
  Sotheywent,itbeingthen,accordingtoMissPhyllis’swornstatementpreciselytwohoursandfiveminutessinceDollyhaddisappeared;and,pursuingtherouteindicatedbytheDuke,theyfoundLadyMickleham。AndLadyMicklehamexclaimed,"Goodgracious,mydear,I’dquiteforgottenyou!Haveyouhadanice?
  Dotakehertohaveanice,SirJohn。"(SirJohnBerrywasthenext—doorneighbor。)AndwiththatLadyMicklehamissaidtohaveresumedherconversation。
  "Didyoueverhearanythingmoreatrocious?"concludedMrs。
  Hilary。"IreallycannotthinkwhatLordMicklehamisdoing。"
  "Yousurelymean,whatLadyMickleham——?"
  "No,Idon’t,"saidMrs。Hilary,withextraordinarydecision。
  "Anythingmighthavehappenedtothatpoorchild!"
  "Oh,therewerenotmanyofthearistocracypresent,"saidI
  soothingly。
  "Butit’snotthatsomuchasthethingitself。She’sthemostdisgracefulflirtinLondon。"
  "Howdoyouknowshewasflirting?"Iinquiredwithasmile。
  "HowdoIknow?"echoedMrs。Hilary。
  "Itisaveryhastyconclusion,"Ipersisted。"SometimesIstaytalkingwithyouforanhourormore。Areyou,therefore,flirtingwithme?"
  "Withyou!"exclaimedMrs。Hilary,withalittlelaugh。
  "Absurdasthesuppositionis,"Iremarked,"ityetservestopointtheargument。LadyMicklehammighthavebeentalkingwithafriend,justinthequietrationalwayinwhichwearetalkingnow。"
  "Idon’tthinkthat’slikely,"saidMrs。Hilary;and——well,Idonotliketosaythatshesniffed——itwouldconveytoostronganidea,butshedidmakeanoddlittlesoundsomethinglikeamuchetherealizedsniff。
  Ismiledagain,andmorebroadly。IwasenjoyingbeforehandthelittlevictorywhichIwastoenjoyoverMrs。Hilary。"Yetithappenstobetrue,"saidI。
  Mrs。Hilarywasmagnificentlycontemptuous。
  "LordMicklehamtoldyouso,Isuppose?"sheasked。"AndI
  supposeLadyMicklehamtoldhim——poorman!"
  "Whydoyoucallhim’poorman’?"
  "Oh,nevermind。Didhetellyou?"
  "Certainlynot。Thefactis,Mrs。Hilary——andreally,youmustexcusemeforhavingkeptyouinthedarkalittle——itamusedmesomuchtohearyoursuspicions。"
  Mrs。Hilaryrosetoherfeet。
  "Well,whatareyougoingtosay?"sheasked。
  Ilaughed,asIanswered:"Why,IwasthemanwithLadyMicklehamwhenyourfriendandBerryinter——whentheyarrived,youknow。"
  Well,Ishouldhavethought——Ishouldstillthink——thatshewouldhavebeenpleased——relieved,youknow,tofindheruncharitableopinionerroneous,andpleasedtohaveitalteredonthebestauthority。I’msurethatishowIshouldhavefelt。Itwasnot,however,howMrs。Hilaryfelt。
  "Iamdeeplypained,"sheobservedafteralongpause;andthensheheldoutherhand。
  "Iwassureyou’dforgivemylittledeception,"saidI,graspingit。Ithoughtstillthatshemeanttoburyallunkindness。
  "Ishouldneverhavethoughtitofyou,"shewenton。
  "Ididn’tknowyourfriendwasthereatall,"Ipleaded;forbynowIwasalarmed。
  "Oh,pleasedon’tshufflelikethat,"saidMrs。Hilary。
  Shecontinuedtostand,andIrosetomyfeet。Mrs。Hilaryheldoutherhandagain。
  "DoyoumeanthatI’mtogo?"saidI。
  "Ihopeweshallseeyouagainsomeday,"saidMrs。Hilary;thetonesuggestedthatshewaslookingforwardtosomefutureexistence,whenmyearthlysinsshouldhavebeensufficientlypurged。ItremindedmeforthemomentofKingArthurandQueenGuinevere。
  "ButIprotest,"Ibegan,"thatmyonlyobjectintellingyouwastoshowyouhowabsurd——"
  "Isitanygoodtalkingaboutitnow?"askedMrs。Hilary。A
  discussionmightpossiblybefruitfulinthedimfuturitybeforementioned——butnotnow——thatwaswhatsheseemedtosay。
  "LadyMicklehamandI,ontheoccasioninquestion——"Ibeganwithdignity。
  "Pray,spareme,"quoteMrs。Hilary,withmuchgreaterdignity。
  Itookmyhat。
  "ShallyoubeathomeasusualonThursday?"Iasked。
  "Ihaveagreatmanypeoplecomingalready,"sheremarked。
  "Icantakeahint,"saidI。
  "Iwishyou’dtakewarning,"saidMrs。Hilary。
  "Iwilltakemyleave,"saidI——andIdid,leavingMrs。Hilaryinatragicattitudeinthemiddleoftheroom。NeveragainshallIgooutofmywaytolullMrs。Hilary’ssuspicions。
  Adayortwoafterthisverytryinginterview,LadyMickleham’svictoriahappenedtostopoppositewhereIwasseatedinthepark。Iwenttopaymyrespects。
  "Doyoumeantoleavemenothingintheworld,"Iasked,justbywayofintroducingthesubjectofMrs。Hilary。"Oneofmybestfriendshasturnedmeoutofherhouseonyouraccount。"
  "Oh,dotellme,"saidDolly,dimplingalloverherface。
  SoItoldher;ImadethestoryaslongasIcouldforreasonsconnectedwiththedimples。
  "Whatfun!"exclaimedDolly。"Itoldyouatthetimethatayoungunmarriedpersonlikeyououghttobemorecareful。"
  "Iamjustdebating,"Iobserved,"whethertosacrificeyou。"
  "Tosacrificeme,Mr。Carter?"
  "Ofcourse,"Iexplained;"ifIdroppedyou,Mrs。Hilarywouldletmecomeagain。"
  "Howcharmingthatwouldbe!"criedDolly。"Youwouldenjoyherniceseriousconversation——allaboutHilary!"
  "Sheisapt,Iconceded,"totouchonHilary。Butsheisverypicturesque。"
  "Oh,yes,she’shandsome,"saidDolly。
  Therewasapause。ThenDollysaid,"Well?"
  "Well?"saidIinreturn。
  "Itisgoodbye?"askedDolly,drawingdownthecornersofhermouth。
  "Itcomestothis,"Iremarked。"SupposingIforgiveyou——"
  "Asifitwasmyfault?"
  "AndriskMrs。Hilary’swrath——didyouspeak?"
  "No;Ilaughed,Mr。Carter。"
  "WhatshallIgetoutofit?"
  Thesunwasshiningbrightly;itshoneonDolly;shehadraisedherparasol,butsheblinkedalittlebeneathit。Shewassmilingslightlystill,andthedimplestucktoitspost——likeasentinel,readytorousetherestfromtheirbriefrepose。Dollylaybackinthevictoria,nestlingluxuriouslyagainstthesoftcushions。Sheturnedhereyesforamomentonme。
  "Whyareyoulookingatme?"sheasked。
  "Because,"saidI,"thereisnothingbettertolookat。"
  "Doyoulikedoingit?"askedDolly。
  "Itisaprivilege,"saidIpolitely。
  "Well,then!"saidDolly。
  "But,"Iventuredtoobserve,"it’sratheranexpensiveone。"
  "Thenyoumustn’thaveitveryoften。"
  "Anditissharedbysomanypeople。"
  "Then,"saidDolly,smilingindulgently,"youmusthaveit——alittleoftener。Home,Roberts,please。"
  IamnotyetallowedatMrs。HilaryMusgrave’s。
  AVERYDULLAFFAIR
  "Tohearyoutalk,"remarkedMrs。HilaryMusgrave——and,ifanyoneissurprisedtofindmeatherhouse,IcanonlysaythatHilary,whenheaskedmetotakeapot—luck,wasquiteignorantofanygroundofdifferencebetweenhiswifeandmyself,andthatMrs。Hilarycouldnotverywellejectmeonmyarrivalineveningdressattenminutestoeight——"tohearyoutalkonewouldthinkthattherewasnosuchthingasreallove。"
  Shepaused。Ismiled。
  "Now,"shecontinued,turningafine,butscornfuleyeuponme,"Ihavenevercaredforanymanintheworldexceptmyhusband。"
  Ismiledagain。PoorHilarylookedveryuncomfortable。WithanapologeticairhebegantostammersomethingaboutParishCouncils。Iwasnottobedivertedbyanysuchmaneuver。Itwasimpossiblethathecouldreallywishtotalkonthatsubject。
  "Wouldapersonwhohadnevereatenanythingbutbeefmakeaboastofit?"Iasked。
  Hilarygrinnedcovertly。Mrs。Hilarypulledthelampnearer,andtookupherembroidery。
  "Doyoualwaysworkthesamepattern?"saidI。
  Hilarykickedmegently。Mrs。Hilarymadenodirectreply,butpresentlyshebegantotalk。
  "IwasjustaboutPhyllis’sage——(bytheway,littleMissPhylliswasthere)——whenIfirstsawHilary。Youremember,Hilary?AtBournemouth?"
  "Oh——er——wasitBournemouth?"saidHilary,withmuchcarelessness。
  "Iwasonthepier,"pursuedMrs。Hilary。"Ihadaredfrockon,Iremember,andoneofthosebighatstheyworethatyear。
  Hilarywore——"
  "Blueserge,"Iinterpolated,encouragingly。
  "Yes,blueserge,"saidshefondly。"Hehadbeenyachting,andhewasbeautifullyburnt。Iwashorriblyburnt——wasn’tI,Hilary?"
  Hilarybegantopatthedog。
  "Thenwegottoknowoneanother。"
  "Stopaminute,"saidI。"Howdidthathappen?"Mrs。Hilaryblushed。
  "Well,wewerebothalwaysonthepier,"sheexplained。
  "And——andsomehowHilarygottoknowfather,and——andfatherintroducedhimtome。"
  "I’mgladitwasnoworse,"saidI。IwasconsideringMissPhyllis,whosatlistening,open—eyed。
  "Andthenyouknow,fatherwasn’talwaysthere;andonceortwicewemetonthecliff。Doyourememberthatmorning,Hilary?"
  "Whatmorning?"askedHilary,pattingthedogwithimmenseassiduity。
  "Why,themorningIhadmywhitesergeon。I’dbeenbathing,andmyhairwasdowntodry,andyousaidIlookedlikeamermaid。"
  "Domermaidswearwhiteserge?"Iasked;butnobodytooktheleastnoticeofme——quiteproperly。
  "Andyoutoldmesuchalotaboutyourself;andthenwefoundwewerelateforlunch。"
  "Yes,"saidHilary,suddenlyforgettingthedog,"andyourmothergavemeanawfulglance。"
  "Yes,andthenyoutoldmethatyouwereverypoor,butthatyoucouldn’thelpit;andyousaidyousupposedIcouldn’tpossibly——"
  "Well,Ididn’tthink——!"
  "AndIsaidyouwereasillyoldthing;andthen——"Mrs。Hilarystoppedabruptly。
  "Howlovely,"remarkedlittleMissPhyllisinawistfulvoice。
  "Anddoyouremember,"pursuedMrs。Hilary,layingdownherembroideryandclaspingherhandsonherknees,"themorningyouwenttoseefather?"
  "Whatarowtherewas!"saidHilary。
  "Andwhatanawfulweekitwasafterthat!Iwasneversomiserableinallmylife。Icriedtillmyeyeswerequitered,andthenIbathedthemforanhour,andthenIwenttothepier,andyouwerethere——andImightn’tspeaktoyou!"
  "Iremember,"saidHilary,noddinggently。
  "Andthen,Hilary,fathersentformeandtoldmeitwasnouse;
  andIsaidI’dnevermarryanyoneelse。Andfathersaid,’There,there,don’tcry。We’llseewhatmothersays。’"
  "Yourmotherwasabrick,"saidHilary,pokingthefire。
  "Andthatnighttheynevertoldmeanythingaboutit,andI
  didn’tevenchangemyfrock,butcamedown,lookinghorrible,justasIwas,inanoldblackrag——no,Hilary,don’tsayitwaspretty!"
  Hilary,unconvinced,shookhishead。
  "AndwhenIwalkedintothedrawingroomtherewasnobodytherebutjustyou;andweneitherofussaidanythingforeversolong。Andthenfatherandmothercameinand——doyourememberafterdinner,Hilary?"
  "Iremember,"saidHilary。
  Therewasalongpause。Mrs。Hilarywaslookingintothefire;
  littleMissPhyllis’seyeswerefixed,inraptgaze,ontheceiling;Hilarywaslookingathiswife——I,thinkingitsafest,wasregardingmyownboots。
  AtlastMissPhyllisbrokethesilence。
  "Howperfectlylovely!"shesaid。
  "Yes,"saidMrs。Hilary,reflectively。"Andweweremarriedthreemonthsafterwards。"
  "TenthofJune,"saidHilaryreflectively。
  "Andwehadthemostcharminglittleroomsintheworld!Doyourememberthosefirstrooms,dear?Sotiny!"
  "Notbadlittlerooms,"saidHilary。
  "Howawfullylovely,"criedlittleMissPhyllis。
  Ifeltthatitwastimetointerfere。
  "Andisthatall?"Iasked。
  "All?Howdoyoumean?"saidMrs。Hilary,withaslightstart。
  "Well,Imean,didnothingelsehappen?Weren’tthereanycomplications?Weren’tthereanymoretroubles,oranymoreopposition,oranymisunderstandings,oranything?"
  "No,"saidMrs。Hilary。
  "Youneverquarreled,orbrokeitoff?"
  "No。"
  "Nobodycamebetweenyou?"
  "No。Itallwentjustperfectly。Why,ofcourseitdid。"
  "Hilary’speoplemadethemselvesnasty,perhaps?"Isuggested,witharayofhope。
  "Theyfellinlovewithheronthespot,"saidHilary。
  ThenIroseandstoodwithmybacktothefire。
  "Idonotknow,"Iobserved,"whatMissPhyllisthinksaboutit——"
  "Ithinkitwasjustperfect,Mr。Carter。"
  "Butformypart,IcanonlysaythatIneverheardofsuchadullaffairinallmylife。"
  "Dull!"gaspedMissPhyllis。
  "Dull!"murmuredMrs。Hilary。
  "Dull!"chuckledHilary。
  "Itwas,"saidIseverely,"withoutasparkofinterestfrombeginningtoend。Suchthingshappenbythousands。It’scommonplacenessitself。Ihadsomehopeswhenyoufatherassumedafirmattitude,but——"
  "Motherwassuchadear,"interruptedMrs。Hilary。
  "Justso。Shegaveawaythewholesituation。ThenIdidtrustthatHilarywouldlosehisplace,ordevelopanoldflame,ordosomethingjustalittleinteresting。"
  "Itwasaperfecttime,"saidMrs。Hilary。
  "Iwonderwhyintheworldyoutoldmeaboutit,"Ipursued。
  "Idon’tknowwhyIdid,"saidMrs。Hilarydreamily。
  "Theonlypossibleexcuseforanengagementlikethat,"I
  observed,"istobefoundinintensepost—nuptialunhappiness。"
  Hilaryrose,andadvancedtowardshiswife。
  "Yourembroidery’sfallingonthefloor,"saidhe。
  "Notabitofit,"saidI。
  "Yes,itis,"hepersisted;andhepickeditupandgaveittoher。MissPhyllissmileddelightedly。Hilaryhadsqueezedhiswife’shand。
  "Thenwedon’texcuseit,"saidhe。
  Itookoutmywatch。Iwasnotfindingmuchentertainment。
  "Surelyit’squiteearly,oldman?"saidHilary。
  "It’snearlyeleven。We’vespenthalf—an—houronthething,"
  saidIpeevishly,holdingoutmyhandtomyhostess。
  "Oh,areyougoing?Goodnight,Mr。Carter。"
  IturnedtoMissPhyllis。
  "Ihopeyouwon’tthinkallloveaffairsarelikethat,"Isaid;
  butIsawherlipsbegintoshapeinto"lovely,"andIhastilylefttheroom。
  Hilarycametohelpmeonwithmycoat。Helookedextremelyapologetic,andverymuchashamedofhimself。
  "Awfullysorry,oldchap,"saidhe,"thatweboredyouwithourreminiscences。Iknow,ofcourse,thattheycan’tbeveryinterestingtootherpeople。Womenaresoconfoundedlyromantic。"
  "Don’ttrythatonme,"saidI,muchdisgusted。"Youwerejustasbadyourself。"
  Helaughed,asheleantagainstthedoor。
  "Shedidlookrippinginthatwhitefrock,"hesaid,"withherhair——"
  "Stop,"saidIfirmly。"Shelookedjustlikealotofothergirls。"
  "I’mhangedifshedid!"saidHilary。
  Thenheglancedatmewithapuzzledsortofexpression。
  "Isay,oldman,weren’tyoueverthatwayyourself?"heasked。
  Ihailedahansomcab。
  "Because,ifyouwere,youknow,you’dunderstandhowafellowremembersevery——"
  "Goodnight,"saidI。"AtleastIsupposeyou’renotcomingtotheclub?"
  "Well,Ithinknot,"saidHilary。"Ta—ta,oldfellow。Sorryweboredyou。Ofcourse,ifamanhasnever——"
  "Never!"Igroaned。"Ascoreoftimes!"
  "Well,then,doesn’tit——?
  "No,"saidI。"It’sjustthatthatmakesstorieslikeyourssoinfernally——"
  "What?"askedHilary;forIhadpausedtolightacigarette。
  "Uninteresting,"saidI,gettingintomycab。
  STRANGE,BUTTRUE
  TheotherdaymyyoungcousinGeorgelunchedwithme。Heisacheeryyouth,andamemberoftheUniversityofOxford。Herefreshesmeverymuch,andIbelievethatIhavethepleasureofaffordinghimsomematterforthought。Onthisoccasion,however,hewasextremelysilentanddepressed。Isaidlittle,butmadeanextremelygoodluncheon。AfterwardsweproceededtotakeastrollinthePark。
  "Sam,oldboy,"saidGeorgesuddenly,"I’mthemostmiserabledevilalive。"
  "Idon’tknowwhatelseyouexpectatyourage,"Iobserved,lightingacigar。Hewalkedoninsilenceforafewmoments。
  "Isay,Sam,oldboy,whenyouwereyoung,wereyouever——?"hepaused,arrangedhisneckcloth(itwasmorelikeabed—quilt——oh,thefashion,ofcourse,Iknowthat),andblushedafinecrimson。
  "WasIeverwhat,George?"Ihadthecuriositytoask。
  "Oh,well,hardhit,youknow——agirl,youknow。"
  "Inlove,youmean,George?No,Ineverwas。"
  "Never?"
  "No。Areyou?"
  "Yes。Hangit!"Thenhelookedatmewithapuzzledairandcontinued:
  "Isay,though,Sam,it’sawfullyfunnyyoushouldn’thave——don’tyouknowwhatit’slike,then?"
  "HowshouldI?"Iinquiredapologetically。"Whatisitlike,George?"
  Georgetookmyarm。
  "It’sjustHades,"heinformedmeconfidentially。
  "Then,"Iremarked,"Ihavenoreasontoregret——?"
  "Still,youknow,"interruptedGeorge,"it’snothalfbad。"
  "Thatappearstometobeaparadox,"Iobserved。
  "It’sprecioushardtoexplainittoyouifyou’veneverfeltit,"saidGeorge,inratheraninjuredtone。"ButwhatIsayisquitetrue。"
  "Ishouldn’tthinkofcontradictingyou,mydearfellow,"I
  hastenedtosay。
  "Let’ssitdown,"saidhe,"andwatchthepeopledriving。Wemayseesomebody——somebodyweknow,youknow,Sam。"
  "Sowemay,"saidI,andwesatdown。
  "Afellow,"pursuedGeorge,withknittedbrows,"isallturnedupsidedown,don’tyouknow?"
  "Howverypeculiar?"Iexclaimed。
  "Onemomenthe’sthehappiestdogintheworld,andthenext——well,thenext,it’sthedeuce。"
  "But,"Iobjected,"notsurelywithoutgoodreasonforsuchachange?"
  "Reason?Bosh!Theleastthingdoesit。"
  Iflickedtheashfrommycigar。
  "Itmay,"Iremarked,"affectyouinthisextraordinaryway,butsurelyitisnotsowithmostpeople?"
  "Perhapsnot,"Georgeconceded。"Mostpeoplearecold—bloodedasses。"
  "Verylikelytheexplanationliesinthatfact,"saidI。
  "Ididn’tmeanyou,oldchap,"saidGeorge,withapenitencewhichshowedthathehadmeantme。
  "Oh,allright,allright,"saidI。
  "Butwhenaman’sreallyfargonethere’snothingelseintheworldbutit。"
  "Thatseemstomenottobeahealthycondition,"saidI。
  "Healthy?Oh,youoldidiot,Sam!Who’stalkingofhealth?
  Now,onlylastnightImetheratadance。Ihadfivedanceswithher——talkedtoherhalftheevening,infact。Well,you’dthinkthatwouldlastsometime,wouldn’tyou?"
  "Ishouldcertainlyhavesupposedso,"Iassented。
  "Soitwouldwithmostchaps,Idaresay,butwithme——confoundit,IfeelasifIhadn’tseenherforsixmonths!"
  "But,mydearGeorge,that’ssurelyratherabsurd?Asyoutellme,youspentalongwhilewiththeyoungperson——"
  "The——youngperson!"
  "You’venottoldmehername,yousee。"
  "No,andIshan’t。Iwonderifshe’llbeattheMusgraves’
  tonight!"
  "You’resure,"saidIsoothingly,"tomeethersomewhereinthecourseofthenextfewweeks。"
  Georgelookedatme。Thenheobservedwithabitterlaugh:
  "It’sprettyevidentyou’veneverhadit。You’reasbadasthosechapswhowritebooks。"
  "Well,butsurelytheyoftendescribewithsufficientwarmthand——er——color——"
  "Oh,Idaresay;butit’sallwrong。Atleast,it’snotwhatI
  feel。Thenlookatthegirlsinbooks!Allbeasts!"
  Georgespokewithmuchvehemence;sothatIwasledtosay:
  "Theladyyouarepreoccupiedwithis,Isuppose,handsome?"
  Georgeturnedswiftlyroundonme。
  "Lookhere,canyouholdyourtongue,Sam?"
  Inodded。
  "ThenI’mhangedifIwon’tpointherouttoyou?"
  "That’suncommongoodofyou,George,"saidI。
  "Thenyou’llsee,"continuedGeorge。"Butit’snotonlyherlooks,youknow,she’sthemost——"
  Hestopped。Lookingroundtoseewhy,Iobservedthathisfacewasred;heclutchedhiswalkingsticktightlyinhislefthand;
  hisrighthandwastrembling,asifitwantedtojumpuptohishat。"Hereshecomes!Look,look!"hewhispered。
  Directingmyeyestowardsthelinesofcarriageswhichrolledpastus,Iobservedagirlinavictoria;byhersidesataportlyladyofmiddleage。Thegirlwasdecidedlylikethelady;
  adescriptionoftheladywouldnot,Iimagine,beinteresting。
  Thegirlblushedslightlyandbowed。GeorgeandIliftedourhats。Thevictoriaanditsoccupantsweregone。Georgeleantbackwithasigh。Afteramoment,hesaid:
  "Well,thatwasher。"
  Therewasexpectancyinhistone。
  "Shehasanextremelyprepossessingappearance,"Iobserved。
  "Thereisn’t,"saidGeorge,"agirlinLondontotouchher。Sam,oldboy,Ibelieve——Ibelieveshelikesmeabit。"
  "I’msureshemust,George,"saidI;andindeed,Ithoughtso。
  "TheGovernor’sinfernallyunreasonable,"saidGeorge,fretfully。
  "Oh,you’vementionedittohim?"
  "Isoundedhim。Oh,youmaybesurehedidn’tseewhatIwasupto。Iputitquitegenerally。Hetalkedrotaboutgettingonintheworld。Whowantstogeton?"
  "Who,indeed?"saidI。"Itisonlychangingwhatyouareforsomethingnobetter。"
  "AndaboutwaitingtillIknowmyownmind。Isn’titenoughtolookather?"
  "Ample,inmyopinion,"saidI。
  Georgerosetohisfeet。
  "They’vegonetoaparty,theywon’tcomeroundagain,"saidhe。
  "Wemayaswellgo,mayn’twe?"
  Iwasverycomfortable,soIsaidtimidly:
  "Wemightseesomebodyelseweknow。"
  "Oh,somebodyelsebehanged!Whowantstoseeem?"
  "I’msureIdon’t。"saidIhastily,asIrosefrommyarmchair,whichwasatoncesnappedup。
  Wewereabouttoreturntotheclub,whenIobservedLadyMickleham’sbarouchestandingunderthetrees。IinvitedGeorgetocomeandbeintroduced。
  Hedisplayedgreatindifference。
  "Shegivesagoodmanyparties,"saidI;"andperhaps——"
  "ByJove!Yes,Imayaswell,"saidGeorge。"Gladyouhadthesensetothinkofthat,oldman。"
  SoItookhimuptoDollyandpresentedhim。Dollywasverygracious;Georgeisanevidentlypresentableboy。Wefellintoconversation。
  "Mycousin,LadyMickleham,"saidI,"hasbeentellingme——"
  "Oh,shutup,Sam!"saidGeorge,not,however,appearingveryangry。
  "AboutasubjectonwhichyoucanassisthimmorethanIcan,inasmuchasyouaremarried。Heisinlove。"
  DollyglancedatGeorge。
  "Oh,whatfun!"saidshe。
  "Fun!"criedGeorge。
  "Imean,howawfullyinteresting,"saidDolly,suddenlytransformingherexpression。
  "Andhewantedtobeintroducedtoyoubecauseyoumightaskherandhimto——"
  Georgebecamered,andbegantostammeranapology。
  "Oh,Idon’tbelievehim,"saidDollykindly;"healwaysmakespeopleuncomfortableifhecan。Whatwereyoutellinghim,Mr。
  George?"
  "It’snousetellinghimanything。Hecan’tunderstand,"saidGeorge。
  "Isshevery——?"askedDolly,fixingdoubtfullygraveeyesonmyyoungcousin。
  "Sam’sseenher,"saidhe,inanexcessofshyness。
  Dollyturnedtomeforanopinion,andIgaveone:
  "Sheisjust,"saidI,"ascharmingashethinksher。"
  Dollyleantovertomycousin,andwhispered,"Tellmehername。"
  AndhewhisperedsomethingbacktoDolly。
  "It’sawfullykindofyou,LadyMickleham,"hesaid。
  "Iamakindoldthing,"saidDolly,alloverdimples。"Icaneasilygettoknowthem。"
  "Oh,youreallyareawfullykind,LadyMickleham。"
  Dollysmileduponhim,wavedherhandtome,anddroveoff,crying——
  "DotrytomakeMr。Carterunderstand!"
  Wewereleftalong。Georgeworeameditativesmile。Presentlyherousedhimselftosay:
  "She’sreallyaverykindwoman。She’ssosympathetic。She’snotlikeyou。Iexpectshefeltitonceherself,youknow。"
  "Onecannevertell,"saidIcarelessly。"Perhapsshedid——once。"
  Georgefelltobroodingagain。IthoughtIwouldtryanexperiment。
  "Notaltogetherbad—looking,either,isshe?"Iasked,lightingacigarette。
  Georgestarted。
  "What?Oh,well,Idon’tknow。Isupposesomepeoplemightthinkso。"
  Hepaused,andadded,withabashful,knowingsmile——
  "Youcanhardlyexpectmetogointorapturesabouther,canyou,oldman?"
  Iturnedmyheadaway,buthecaughtme。
  "Oh,youneedn’tsmileinthatinfernallypatronizingway,"hecriedangrily。
  "Uponmyword,George,"saidI,"Idon’tknowthatIneed。"
  THEVERYLATESTTHING
  "It’stheverylatestthing,"saidLadyMickleham,standingbythetableinthesmokingroom,andholdinganalbuminherhand。
  "Iwishithadbeenalittlelaterstill,"saidI,forIfeltembarrassed。
  "Youpromise,onyourhonor,tobeabsolutelysincere,youknow,andthenyouwritewhatyouthinkofme。SeewhatalotofopinionsI’vegotalready,"andsheheldupthethickalbum。
  "Itwouldbeextremelyinterestingtoreadthem,"Iobserved。
  "Oh!"butthey’requiteconfidential,"saidDolly。"That’spartofthefun。"
  "Idon’tappreciatethatpart,"saidI。
  "Perhapsyouwillwhenyou’vewrittenyours,"suggestedLadyMickleham。
  "Meanwhile,mayn’tIseetheDowager’s?"
  "Well,I’llshowyoualittlebitoftheDowager’s。Lookhere:
  OurdearDorotheaisstillperhapsjustathoughtwantinginseriousness,butthesenseofherpositionishavingasoberingeffect。’"
  "Ihopenot,"Iexclaimedapprehensively。"Whoseisthis?"
  "Archie’s。"
  "MayIseeabit——?"
  "Notabit,"saidDolly。"Archie’sis——isratherfoolish,Mr。
  Carter。"
  "SoIsuppose,"saidI。
  "Dearboy!"saidDollyreflectively。
  "Ihatesentiment,"saidI。"Here’salongone。Whowrote——?"
  "Oh,youmustn’tlookatthat——notatthat,aboveall!"
  "Whyaboveall?"Iaskedwithsomeseverity。
  Dollysmiled;thensheobservedinasoothingtone。
  "Perhapsitwon’tbe’aboveall’whenyou’vewrittenyours,Mr。
  Carter。"
  "Bytheway,"Isaidcarelessly,"IsupposeArchieseesallofthem?"
  "Hehasneveraskedtoseethem,"answeredLadyMickleham。
  Thereplyseemedsatisfactory;ofcourse,Archiehadonlytoask。
  Itookacleanquillandpreparedtowrite。
  "Youpromisetobesincere,youknow,"Dollyremindedme。
  Ilaiddownmypen。
  "Impossible!"saidIfirmly。
  "O,butwhy,Mr。Carter?"
  "Therewouldbeanendofourfriendship。"
  "Doyouthinkasbadlyofmeasallthat?"askedDollywitharuefulair。
  Ileantbackinmychair,andlookedatDolly。Shelookedatme。
  Shesmiled。Imayhavesmiled。
  "Yes,"saidI。
  "Thenyouneedn’twriteitquitealldown,"saidDolly。
  "Iamobliged,"saidI,takingupmypen。
  "Youmustn’tsaywhatisn’ttrue,butyouneedn’tsayeverythingthatis——thatmightbe——true,"explainedDolly。
  This,again,seemedsatisfactory。Ibegantowrite,Dollysittingoppositemewithherelbowsonthetable,andwatchingme。
  Aftertenminutes’steadywork,whichincludedseveralpausesforreflection,Ithrewdownthepen,leantbackinmychair,andlitacigarette。
  "Nowreadit,"saidDolly,herchininherhandsandhereyesfixedonme。
  "Itis,onthewhole,"Iobserved,"complimentary。"
  "No,really,"saidDolly。"Yetyoupromisedtobesincere。"
  "Youwouldnothavehadmedisagreeable?"Iasked。
  "That’sadifferentthing,"saidDolly。"Readit,please。"
  "LadyMickleham,"Iread,"isusuallyaccountedapersonofconsiderableattractions。Sheiswidelypopular,andmorethanonewomanhasbeenknowntolikeher。"
  "Idon’tquiteunderstandthat,"interruptedDolly。
  "Itissurelysimple,"saidI;andIreadonwithoutdelay。"Sheiskindeventoherhusband,andtakestheutmostpainstoconcealfromhermother—in—lawanythingcalculatedtodistressthatlady。"
  "Isupposeyoumeanthattobenice?"saidDolly。
  "Ofcourse,"Ianswered;andIproceeded:"Shenevergivespaintoanyone,exceptwiththeobjectofgivingpleasuretosomebodyelse,andherkindnessisnolesswidelydiffusedthanitisheartyandsincere。"
  "Thatreallyisnice,"saidDolly,smiling。
  "Thankyou,"saidI,smilingalso。"Sheisverycharitable;shetakesapleasureinencouragingtheshyandbashful——"
  "Howdoyouknowthat?"askedDolly。
  "While,"Ipursued,"sufferingwithoutimpatienceaconsiderableamountofself—assurance。"
  "Youcan’tknowwhetherI’mpatientornot,"remarkedDolly。
  "I’mpolite。"
  "Shethinks,"Ireadon,"noevilofthemostattractiveofwomen,andhasasmileforthemostunattractiveofmen。"
  "Youputthatverynicely,"saidDolly,nodding。
  "Theformermayconstantlybeseeninherhouse——andthelatteratleastasoftenasmanypeoplewouldthinkdesirable。"(HereforsomereasonDollylaughed。)"Herintellectualpowersarenotdespicable。"
  "Thankyou,Mr。Carter。"
  "Shecansaywhatshemeansontheoccasionsonwhichshewishestodoso,andsheis,atothertimes,equallycapableofmeaningmuchmorethanshewouldbelikelytosay。"
  "Howdoyoumeanthat,Mr。Carter,please?"
  "Itexplainsitself,"saidI,andIproceeded:"Thefactofherreceivingaremarkwithdisapprobationdoesnotnecessarilymeanthatitcausesherdispleasure,normustitbeassumedthatshedidnotexpectavisitormerelyonthegroundthatshegreetshimwithsurprise。"
  HereIobservedLadyMicklehamlookingatmerathersuspiciously。
  "Idon’tthinkthat’squiteniceofyou,Mr。Carter,"shesaidpathetically。
  "LadyMicklehamis,inshort,"Iwenton,comingtomyperoration,"equallydeservingofesteemandaffection——"
  "Esteemandaffection!Thatsoundsjustright,"saidDollyapprovingly。
  "Andthosewhohavebeenadmittedtotheenjoymentofherfriendshipareunanimousindiscouragingallothersfromseekingasimilarprivilege。"
  "Ibegyourpardon?"criedLadyMickleham。
  "Areunanimous,"Irepeated,slowlyanddistinctly,"indiscouragingallothersfromseekingasimilarprivilege。"
  Dollylookedatme,withherbrowslightlypuckered。Ileantback,puffingatmycigarette。Presently——fortherewasquitealongpause——Dolly’slipscurved。
  "Mymentalpowersarenotdespicable,"sheobserved。
  "Ihavesaidso,"saidI。
  "IthinkIsee,"sheremarked。
  "Isthereanythingwrong?"Iaskedanxiously。
  "N—no,"saidDolly,"notexactlywrong。Infact,IratherthinkIlikethatlastbitbest。Still,don’tyouthink——?
  Sherose,cameroundthetable,tookupthepen,andputitbackinmyhand。"What’sthisfor?"Iasked。
  "Tocorrectthemistake,"saidDolly。
  "Doyoureallythinkso?"saidI。
  "I’mafraidso,"saidDolly。
  Itookthepenandmadeacertainalteration。Dollytookupthealbum。
  "’Areunanimous,’"sheread,"inencouragingallotherstoseekasimilarprivilege。’Yes,youmeantthat,youknow,Mr。
  Carter。"
  "IsupposeImusthave,"saidIrathersulkily。
  "Theotherwasnonsense,"urgedDolly。
  "Oh,utternonsense,"saidI。
  "Andyouhadtowritethetruth!"
  "Yes,Ihadtowritesomeofit。"
  "Andnonsensecan’tbethetruth,canit,Mr。Carter?"
  "Ofcourseitcan’t,LadyMickleham。"
  "Whereareyougoing,Mr。Carter?"sheasked;forIrosefrommychair。
  "Tohaveaquietsmoke,"saidI。
  "Alone?"askedDolly。
  "Yes,alone,"saidI。
  Iwalkedtowardsthedoor。Dollystoodbythetablefingeringthealbum。Ihadalmostreachedthedoor;thenIhappenedtolookround。
  "Mr。Carter!"saidDolly,asthoughanewideahadstruckher。
  "Whatisit,LadyMickleham?"
  "Well,youknow,Mr。Carter,I——Ishalltrytoforgetthatmistakeofyours。"
  "You’reverykind,LadyMickleham。"
  "But,"saidDollywithatroubledsmile,"I——I’mquiteafraidI
  shan’tsucceed,Mr。Carter。"
  Afterall,thesmokingroomismeantforsmoking。
  ANUNCOUNTEDHOUR
  Wewerestanding,LadyMicklehamandI,atadoorwhichledfromthemorningroomtotheterraceatTheTowers。Iwasonavisittothehistoricpile(byVanbrugh——outofthemoneyaccumulatedbythethirdEarl——PaymastertotheForces——temp。QueenAnne)。
  Themorningroomisalargeroom。Archiewassomewhereinit。
  LadyMicklehamheldajarcontainingpatedefoiegras;fromtimetotimeshedugapieceoutwithaforkandflungthemorseltoabigretrieverwhichwassittingontheterrace。Themorningwasfine,butcloudy。LadyMicklehamworeblue。Thedogswallowedthepatewithgreediness。
  "It’ssobadforhim,"sighedshe;"butthedearlikesitsomuch。"
  "Howhumanthecreaturesare,"saidI。
  "Doyouknow,"pursuedLadyMickleham,"thattheDowagersaysI’mextravagant。Shethinksdogsoughtnottobefedonpatedefoiegras。"
  "Yourextravagance,"Iobserved,"isprobablyduetoyourhavingbeenbroughtuponamoderateincome。Ihavefelttheeffectmyself。"
  "Ofcourse,"saidDolly,"wearehitbytheagriculturaldepression。"
  "TheCartersalso,"Imurmured,"arelandedgentry。"
  "Afterall,Idon’tseemuchpointineconomy,doyou,Mr。Carter?"
  "Economy,"Iremarked,puttingmyhandsinmypockets,"isgoingwithoutsomethingyoudowantincaseyoushould,someday,wantsomethingwhichyouprobablywon’twant。"
  "Isn’tthatclever?"askedDollyinanapprehensivetone。
  "Oh,dear,no,"Iansweredreassuringly。"Anybodycandothat——iftheycaretotry,youknow。"
  Dollytossedapieceofpatetotheretriever。
  "Ihavemadeadiscoverylately,"Iobserved。
  "Whatareyoutwotalkingabout?"calledArchie。
  "You’renotmeanttohear,"saidDolly,withoutturninground。
  "Yet,ifit’sadiscovery,heoughttohearit。"
  "He’smadeagoodmanylately,"saidDolly。
  Shedugoutthelastbitofpate,flungittothedog,andhandedtheemptypottome。
  "Don’tbesoallegorical,"Iimplored。"Besides,it’sreallynotjusttoArchie。Nodoubtthedogisaniceone,but——"
  "Howfoolishyouarethismorning!What’sthediscovery?"
  "Anentirelysurprisingone。"
  "Oh,butletmehear!It’snothingaboutArchie,isit?"
  "No,I’vetoldyouallArchie’ssins。"
  "NorMrs。Hilary?IwishitwasMrs。Hilary!"
  "Shallwewalkontheterrace?"Isuggested。
  "Oh,yes,let’s,"saidDolly,steppingout,andputtingonabroad—brimmed,low—crownedhat,whichshecaughtupfromachairhardby。"Itisn’tMrs。Hilary?"sheadded,sittingdownonagardenseat。
  "No,"saidI,leaningonasundialwhichstoodbytheseat。
  "Well,whatisit?"
  "Itissimple,"saidI,"andserious。Itisnot,therefore,likeyou,LadyMickleham。"
  "It’slikeMrs。Hilary,"saidDolly。
  "No;becauseitisn’tpleasant。Bytheway,youarejealousofMrs。Hilary?"
  Dollysaidnothingatall。Shetookoffherhat,roughenedherhairalittle,andassumedaneffectivepose。Still,itisafact(forwhatitisworth)thatshedoesn’tcaremuchaboutMrs。Hilary。
  "Thediscovery,"Icontinued,"isthatI’mgrowingmiddle—aged。"
  "Youaremiddle—aged,"saidDolly,spearingherhatwithitslongpin。
  Iwas,verynaturally,nettledatthis。
  "Sowillyoubesoon,"Iretorted。
  "Notsoon,"saidDolly。
  "Someday,"Iinsisted。
  Afterapauseofabouthalfaminute,Dollysaid,"Isupposeso。"
  "Youwillbecome,"Ipursued,idlydrawingpatternswithmyfingeronthesundial,"wrinkled,rough,fat——and,perhaps,good。"
  "You’reverydisagreeabletoday,"saidDolly。
  Sheroseandstoodbyme。
  "Whatdothemottoesmean?"sheasked。
  Thereweretwo;Iwillnotsaytheycontradictedoneanother,buttheylookedatlifefromdifferentpointsofview。
  "Pereuntetimputantur,"Iread。
  "Well,what’sthat,Mr。Carter?"
  "Atrite,butoffensive,assertion,"saidI,lightingacigarette。
  "Butwhatdoesitmean?"sheasked,apuckeronherforehead。
  "Whatdoesitmatter?"saidI。"Let’strytheother。"
  "Theotherislonger。"
  "Andbetter。Horasnonnumeronisiserenas。"
  "Andwhat’sthat?"
  Itranslatedliterally。Dollyclappedherhands,andherfacegleamedwithsmiles。
  "Ilikethatone,"shecried。
  "Stop!"saidIimperatively。"You’llsetitmoving!"
  "It’sverysensible,"saidshe。
  "Morefreelyrendered,itmeans,Iliveonlywhenyou——"
  "ByJove!"remarkedArchie,comingupbehindus,pipeinmouth,"therewasalotofrainlastnight。I’vejustmeasureditinthegauge。"
  "Somepeoplemeasureeverything,"saidI,withadispleasedair。
  "Itisadetestablehabit。"
  "Archie,whatdoesPereuntetimputanturmean?"
  "Eh?Oh,Isee。Well,Isay,Carter!——Oh,well,youknow,I
  supposeitmeansyou’vegottopayforyourfun,doesn’tit?"
  "Oh,isthatall?Iwasafraiditwassomethinghorrid。Whydidyoufrightenme,Mr。Carter?"
  "Ithinkitisratherhorrid,"saidI。
  "Why,itisn’teventrue,"saidDollyscornfully。
  NowwhenIheardthisancientandrespectablelegendthuscavalierlychallenged,Ifelltostudyingitagain,andpresentlyIexclaimed:
  "Yes,you’reright!Ifitsaidthat,itwouldn’tbetrue;butArchietranslateditwrong。"
  "Well,youhaveashot,"suggestedArchie。
  "Theoystersareeatenandputdowninthebill,"saidI。"Andyouwillobserve,Archie,thatitdoesnotsayinwhosebill。"
  "Ah!"saidDolly。
  "Well,somebody’sgottopay,"persistedArchie。
  "Oh,yes,somebody,"laughedDolly。
  "Well,Idon’tknow,"saidArchie。"Isupposethechapthathasthefun——"
  "It’snotalwaysachap,"observedDolly。
  "Well,thentheindividual,"amendedArchie。"Isupposehe’dhavetopay。"
  "Itdoesn’tsayso,"Iremarkedmildly。"Andaccordingtomysmallexperience——"
  "I’mquitesureyourmeaningisright,Mr。Carter,"saidDollyinanauthoritativetone。
  "Asfortheothermotto,Archie,"saidI,"itmerelymeansthatawomanconsidersallhourswastedwhichshedoesnotspendinthesocietyofherhusband。"
  "Oh,come,youdon’tgammonme,"saidArchie。"Itmeansthatthesundon’tshineunlessit’sfine,youknow。"
  Archiedeliveredthisremarkablediscoveryinatoneofgreatselfsatisfaction。
  "Oh,youdearoldthing!"saidDolly。
  "Well,itdoesyouknow,"saidhe。
  Therewasapause。Archiekissedhiswife(Iamnotcomplaining;
  hehas,ofcourse,aperfectrighttokisshiswife)andstrolledawaytowardthehothouses。
  Ilitanothercigarette。ThenDolly,pointingtothestemofthedial,cried:
  "Why,here’sanotherinscription——oh,andinEnglish?"
  Shewasright。Therewasanother——carelesslyscratchedontheoldbatteredcolumn——nearlyeffaced,forthecharactershadbeenbutlightlymarked——andyetnot,asIconceivedfromthetenorofthewords,veryold。
  "Whatisit?"askedDolly,peeringovermyshoulder,asIbentdowntoreadtheletters,andshadinghereyeswithherhand。
  (Whydidn’tsheputonherhat?WetouchtheIncomprehensible。)
  "Itis,"saidI,"asingularlypoor,shallow,feeble,andundesirablelittleverse。"
  "Readitout,"saidDolly。
  SoIreadit。Thesillyfellowhadwritten:
  LifeisLove,thepoetstellus,Inthelittlebookstheysellus;Butpray,ma’am——what’sofLifetheUse,IfLifebeLove?
  ForLove’stheDeuce。
  Dollybegantolaughgently,diggingthepinagainintoherhat。
  "Iwonder,"shesaid,"whethertheyusedtocomeandsitbythisolddialjustaswedidthismorning!"
  "Ishouldn’tbeatallsurprised,"saidI。"Andanotherpointoccurstome,LadyMickleham。"
  "Oh,doesit?What’sthat,Mr。Carter?"
  "Doyouthinkthatanybodymeasuredtheraingauge!"
  Dollylookedatmeverygravely。
  "I’msosorrywhenyoudothat,"saidshepathetically。
  Ismiled。
  "Ireallyam,"saiddolly。"Butyoudon’tmeanit,doyou?"
  "Certainlynot,"saidI。
  Dollysmiled。
  "Nomorethanhedid!"saidI,pointingtothesundial。
  Andthenwebothsmiled。
  "Willthishourcount,Mr。Carter?"askedDolly,assheturnedaway。
  "Thatwouldberatherstrict,"saidI。
  AREMINISCENCE
  "Iknowexactlywhatyourmotherwants,Phyllis,"observedMrs。
  Hilary。
  "It’sjusttoteachthemtheordinarythings,"saidlittleMissPhyllis。
  "Whataretheordinarythings?"Iventuredtoask。
  "Whatallgirlsaretaught,ofcourse,Mr。Carter,"saidMrs。
  Hilary。"I’llwriteaboutitatonce。"AndshelookedatmeasifshethoughtthatImightbeabouttogo。
  "Itisacomprehensivecurriculum,"Iremarked,crossingmylegs,"ifonemayjudgefromtheresults。Howoldareyouryoungersisters,MissPhyllis?"
  "Fourteenandsixteen,"sheanswered。
  "Itisapity,"saidI,"thatthisdidn’thappenalittlewhileback。Iknewagovernesswhowouldhavesuitedtheplacetoat。’"
  Mrs。Hilarysmiledscornfully。
  "Weusedtomeet——"Icontinued。
  "Whousedtomeet?"askedMissPhyllis。
  "Thegovernessandmyself,tobesure,"saidI,"undertheoldappletreeinthegardenatthebackofthehouse。"
  "Whathouse,Mr。Carter?"
  "Myfather’shouse,ofcourse,MissPhyllis。And——"
  "Oh,butthatmustbeagesago!"criedshe。
  Mrs。Hilaryrose,castoneglanceatme,andturnedtothewritingtable。Herpenbegantoscratchalmostimmediately。
  "Andundertheappletree,"Ipursued,"wehadmanypleasantconversations。"
  "Whatabout?"askedMissPhyllis。
  "Onethingandanother,"Ireturned。"Theschoolroomwindowslookedoutthatway——acircumstancewhichmademattersmorecomfortableforeverybody。"
  "Ishouldhavethought——"beganMissPhyllis,smilingslightly,butkeepinganapprehensiveeyeonMrs。Hilary’sback。
  "Notatall,"Iinterrupted。"Mysisterssawus,yousee。Well,ofcoursetheyentertainedanincreasedrespectforme,whichwasallright,andadecreasedrespectforthegoverness,whichwasalsoallright。WemetinthehourallottedtoFrenchlessons——byanundesignedbutappropriatecoincidence。"
  "Ishallsayaboutthirty—five,Phyllis,"calledMrs。Hilaryfromthewritingtable。
  "Yes,CousinMary,"calledMissPhyllis。"Didyoumeetoften,Mr。Carter?"
  "EveryeveningintheFrenchhour,"saidI。
  "She’llhavegotoveranynonsensebythen,"calledMrs。Hilary。
  "Theyareoftenfullofit。"
  "Shehadremarkablyprettyhair,"Icontinued;"verysoftitwas。
  Dearme!Iwasjusttwenty。"
  "Howoldwasshe?"askedMissPhyllis。
  "One’sfirstlove,"saidI,"isneveranyage。Everythingwentverywell。Happinesswasimpossible。Iwasheartbroken,andthegovernesswasfarfromhappy。Ah,happy,happytimes!"
  "Butyoudon’tseemtohavebeenhappy,"objectedMissPhyllis。
  "Thencameaterribleevening——"
  "Sheoughttobeapersonofactivehabits,"calledMrs。Hilary。
  "Ithinkso,yes,CousinMary;oh,whathappened,Mr。Carter?"
  "Andanearlyriser,"addedMrs。Hilary。
  "Yes,CousinMary。Whatdidhappen,Mr。Carter?"
  "MymothercameinduringtheFrenchhour。Idon’tknowwhetheryouhaveobserved,MissPhyllis,howeasyitistoslipintothehabitofenteringroomswhenyouhadbetterremainoutside。Now,evenmyfriendArch——However,that’sneitherherenorthere。Mymother,asIsay,camein。"
  "ChurchofEngland,ofcourse,Phyllis?"calledMrs。Hilary。
  "Oh,ofcourse,cousinMary,"criedlittleMissPhyllis。
  "Thesectmakesnodifference,"Iobserved。"Well,mysisters,likegoodgirls,begantorepeattheirregularverbs。Butitwasnouse。Wewerediscovered。Thatnight,MissPhyllis,Inearlydrownedmyself。"
  "Youmusthavebeen——Oh,howawful,Mr。Carter!"
  "Thatistosay,IthoughthoweffectiveitwouldbeifIdrownedmyself。Ah,well,itcouldn’tlast!"
  "Andthegoverness?"
  "Sheleftnextmorning。"
  Therewasapause。MissPhyllislookedsadandthoughtful;I
  smiledpensivelyandbeatmycaneagainstmyleg。
  "Haveyoueverseenhersince?"askedMissPhyllis。
  "No。"
  "Shouldn’t——shouldn’tyouliketo,Mr。Carter?"
  "Heavenforbid!"saidI。
  SuddenlyMrs。Hilarypushedbackherchair,andturnedroundtous。
  "Well,Ideclare,"saidshe,"Imustbegrowingstupid。HerehaveIbeenwritingtotheAgency,whenIknowoftheverythingmyself!ThePolwheedles’governessisjustleavingthem;she’sbeenthereoverfifteenyears。LadyPolwheedletoldmeshewasatreasure。Iwonderifshe’dgo!"
  "Isshewhatmammawants?"
  "Mydear,you’llbemostluckytogether。I’llwriteatonceandaskhertocometolunchtomorrow。Imetherthere。She’sanadmirableperson。"
  Mrs。Hilarywheeledroundagain。IshookmyheadatMissPhyllis。
  "Poorchildren!"saidI。"Manageabitoffunforthemsometimes。"
  MissPhyllisassumedastaidandvirtuousair。
  "Theymustbeproperlybroughtup,Mr。Carter,"saidshe。
  "IsthereaHouseOpposite?"Iasked;andMissPhyllisblushed。
  Mrs。Hilaryadvanced,holdingoutaletter。
  "Youmayaswellpostthisforme,"saidshe。"Oh,andwouldyouliketocometolunchtomorrow?"
  "TomeettheParagon?"
  "No。She’llbethere,ofcourse;butyouseeit’sSaturday,andHilarywillbehere;andIthoughtyoumighttakehimoffsomewhereandleavePhyllisandmetohaveaquiettalkwithher。"
  "Thatwon’tamusehermuch,"Iventuredtoremark。
  "She’snotcomingtobeamused,"saidMrs。Hilaryseverely。
  "Allright;I’llcome,"saidI,takingmyhat。
  "Here’sthenoteforMissBannerman,"saidMrs。Hilary。
  Thatsortofthingneversurprisesme。Ilookedattheletterandread"MissM。E。Bannerman。""M。E。"stoodfor"MaudElizabeth。"Iputmyhatbackonthetable。
  "WhatsortofalookingpersonisthisMissBannerman?"Iasked。
  "Oh,aspare,uprightwoman——hairalittlegray,and——Idon’tknowhowtodescribeit——herfacelooksalittleweather—beaten。
  Shewearsglasses。"
  "Thankyou,"saidI。"AndwhatsortofalookingpersonamI?"
  Mrs。Hilarylookedscornful。MissPhyllisopenedhereyes。
  "HowolddoIlook,MissPhyllis?"Iasked。
  "Idon’tknow,"shesaiduncomfortably。
  "Guess,"saidIsternly。
  "F—forty—three——oh,orforty—two?"sheasked,withatimidupwardglance。
  "Whenyou’vedoneyournonsense——"beganMrs。Hilary;butIlaidahandonherarm。
  "Shouldyoucallmefat?"Iasked。
  "Oh,no;notfat,"saidMrs。Hilary,withasmile,whichshestrovetorenderreassuring。
  "Iamundoubtedlybald,"Iobserved。
  "You’recertainlybald,"saidMrs。Hilary,withregretfulcandor。
  Itookmyhatandremarked:"Amanhasarighttothinkofhimself,butIamnotthinkingmainlyofmyself。Ishallnotcometolunch。"
  "Yousaidyouwould,"criedMrs。Hilaryindignantly。
  Ipoisedtheletterinmyhand,readingagain"MissM(aud)
  E(lizabeth)Bannerman。"MissPhyllislookedatmecuriously,Mrs。Hilaryimpatiently。
  "Whoknows,"saidI,"thatImaynotbeaRomance——aVanishedDream——aGreenMemory——anOasis?ApersonwhohasthefortunetobeanOasis,MissPhyllis,shouldbeverycareful。Iwillnotcometolunch。"
  "DoyoumeanthatyouusedtoknowMissBannerman?"askedMrs。
  Hilaryinherpleasantprosaicway。
  Itwasasinseventeenyearsold;itwouldhardlycountagainsttheblamelessMissBannermannow。"YoumaytellherwhenI’mgone,"saidItoMissPhyllis。
  MissPhylliswhisperedinMrs。Hilary’sear。
  "Another?"criedMrs。Hilary,aghast。
  "Itwastheveryfirst,"saidI,defendingmyself。
  Mrs。Hilarybegantolaugh。Ismoothedmyhat。
  "Tellher,"saidI,"thatIrememberedherverywell。"
  "Ishalldonosuchthing,"saidMrs。Hilary。
  "Andtellher,"Icontinued,"thatIamstillhandsome。"
  "Ishan’tsayawordaboutyou,"saidMrs。Hilary。
  "Ah,well,thatwillbebetterstill,"saidI。
  "She’llhaveforgottenyourveryname,"remarkedMrs。Hilary。
  Iopenedthedoor,butathoughtstruckme。Iturnedroundandobserved:
  "Idaresayherhair’sjustassoftasever。Still——I’lllunchsomeotherday。"
  AVERYFINEDAY
  "Iseenothingwhatevertolaughat,"saidMrs。Hilarycoldly,whenIhadfinished。
  "Ididnotaskyoutolaugh,"Iobservedmildly。"Imentioneditmerelyasatypicalcase。"
  "It’snottypical,"shesaid,andtookupherembroidery。Butamomentlatersheadded:
  "Poorboy!I’mnotsurprised。"
  "I’mnotsurprisedeither,"Iremarked。"Itis,however,extremelydeplorable。"
  "It’syourownfault。Whydidyouintroducehim?"
  "Abook,"Iobserved,"mightbewrittenontheInjusticeoftheJust。HowcouldIsupposethathewould——?"
  Bytheway,Imightaswellstatewhathe——thatis,myyoungcousinGeorge——haddone。Unlessoneisagenius,itisbesttoaimatbeingintelligible。
  Well,hewasinlove;andwithaviewofprovidinghimwithanotherhouseatwhichhemightbelikelytomeettheadoredobject,IpresentedhimtomyfriendLadyMickleham。ThatwasonaTuesday。Afortnightlater,asIwassittinginHydePark(asIsometimesdo),Georgecameupandtookthechairnexttome。I
  gavehimacigarette,butmadenoremark。Georgebeathiscanerestlesslyagainstthelegofhistrousers。
  "I’vegottogouptomorrow,"heremarked。
  "Ah,well,Oxfordisadelightfultown,"saidI。
  "D————dhole,"observedGeorge。
  Iwasabouttocontestthisopinionwhenavictoriadroveby。
  Agirlsatinit,sidebysidewithaportlylady。
  "George,George!"Icried。"Theresheis——Look!"
  Georgelooked,raisedhishatwithsufficientpoliteness,andremarkedtome:
  "Hangit,oneseesthosepeopleeverywhere。"
  Iamnoteasilysurprised,butIconfessIturnedtoGeorgewithanexpressionofwonder。
  "Afortnightago——"Ibegan。
  "Don’tbeanass,Sam,"saidGeorge,rathersharply。"She’snotabadgirl,but——"Hebrokeoffandbegantowhistle。Therewasalongpause。Ilitacigar,andlookedatthepeople。
  "IlunchedattheMicklehams’today,"saidGeorge,drawingafigureonthegravelwithhiscane。"Mickleham’snotabadfellow。"
  "Oneofthebestfellowsalive,"Iagreed。
  "Iwonderwhyshemarriedhim,though,"musedGeorge;andheadded,withapparentirrelevance,"It’sadashedbore,goingup。"
  Andthenasmilespreadoverhisface;ablushaccompaniedit,andproclaimedGeorge’ssenseofdeliciouswickedness。Iturnedonhim。
  "Outwithit!"Isaid。
  "It’snothing。Don’tbeafool,"saidGeorge。
  "Wheredidyougetthatrose?"Iasked。
  "Thisrose?"herepeated,fondlingtheblossom。"Itwasgiventome。"
  UponthisIgroaned——andIstillconsiderthatIhadgoodreasonformyaction。Itwasthegroanofamoralist。
  "They’veaskedmetostayatTheTowersnextvac。,"saidGeorge,glancingatmeoutofthecornerofanimmoraleye。Perhapshethoughtittooimmoral,forheadded,"It’sallright,Sam。"I
  believethatIhaveasmuchselfcontrolasmostpeople,butatthispointIchuckled。
  "Whatthedeuceareyoulaughingat?"askedGeorge。
  Imadenoanswer,andhewenton——
  "Younevertoldmewhata——whatshewaslike,Sam。Wantedtokeepittoyourself,youolddog。"
  "George——George——George!"saidI。"Yougouptomorrow?"
  "Yes,confoundit!"
  "Andtermlaststwomonths?"
  "Yes,hangit!"
  "Alliswell,"saidI,crossingmylegs。"ThereismorevirtueintwomonthsthaninTenCommandments。"
  Georgeregardedmewithadispassionateair。
  "You’reanawfulasssometimes,"heobservedcritically,andherosefromhisseat。
  "Mustyougo?"saidI。
  "Yes——gotalotofthingstodo。Lookhere,Sam,don’tgoandtalkabout——"
  "Talkaboutwhat?"
  "Anything,youoldidiot,"saidGeorge,withapleasedsmile,andhedugmeintheribswithhiscane,anddeparted。
  Isaton,admiringthesimpleelementswhichconstitutethehappinessoftheyoung。Alas!Withadvancingyears,Wrongloseshalfitsflavor!Tobeimproperceases,byitself,tosatisfy。
  Immersedinthesereflections,Ifailedtonoticethatabarouchehadstoppedoppositetome;andsuddenlyIfoundafootmanaddressingme。
  "Begyourpardon,sir,"hesaid。"Herladyshipwishestospeaktoyou。"
  "Itisablessedthingtobeyoung,Martin,"Iobserved。
  "Yes,sir,"saidMartin。"It’safineday,sir。"
  "Butveryshort,"saidI。Martinisrespectful,andsaidnothing——tome,atleast。Whathesaidtothecoachman,Idon’tknow。
  AndthenIwentuptoDolly。
  "Getinanddriveround,"suggestedDolly。
  "Ican’t,"saidI。"Ihaveabadnose。"
  "What’sthematterwithyournose?"askedDolly,smiling。
  "Thejointisinjured,"saidI,gettingintothebarouche。AndI
  addedseverely,"IsupposeI’dbettersitwithmybacktothehorses?"
  "Oh,no,you’renotmyhusband,"saidDolly。"Sithere;"andshemaderoombyher,asshecontinued,"IratherlikeMr。George。"
  "I’mashamedofyou,"Iobserved。"Consideringyourage——"
  "Mr。Carter!"
  "Considering,Isay,hisage,yourconductisscandalous。I
  shallneverintroduceanyniceboystoyouagain。"
  "Oh,pleasedo,"saidDolly,claspingherhands。
  "Yougivethemroses,"saidI,accusingly。"Youmakethemfalsetotheirearliestloves——"
  "Shewasapudding—facedthing,"observedDolly。
  Ifrowned。Dolly,byanaccident,allowedthetipofherfingertotouchmyarmforaninstant。
  "He’saniceboy,"saidshe。"Howlikeheistoyou,Mr。Carter!"
  "Iamalongwaypastthat,"saidI。"Iamthirty—six。"
  "Ifyoumeantobedisagreeable!"saidsheturningaway。"Ibegyourpardonfortouchingyou,Mr。Carter。"
  "Ididnotnoticeit,LadyMickleham。"
  "Wouldyouliketogetout?"
  "It’smilesfrommyclub,"saidIdiscontentedly。