首页 >出版文学> Dolly Dialogues>第1章

第1章

  CONTENTS
  I。ALiberalEducationII。CordialRelationsIII。RetributionIV。ThePerversenessofItV。AMatterofDutyVI。MyLastChanceVII。TheLittleWretchVIII。AnExpensivePrivilegeIX。AVeryDullAffairX。StrangebutTrueXI。TheVeryLatestThingXII。AnUncountedHourXIII。AReminiscenceXIV。AFineDayXV。TheHouseOppositeXVI。AQuickChangeXVII。ASlightMistakeXVIII。TheOtherLadyXIX。WhatMightHaveBeenXX。OneWayInALIBERALEDUCATION
  "There’singratitudeforyou!"MissDollyFosterexclaimedsuddenly。
  "Where!"Iasked,rousingmyselffrommeditation。
  Shepointedtoayoungmanwhohadjustpassedwherewesat。Hewasdressedverysmartly,andwaswalkingwithaladyattiredintheheightofthefashion。
  "Imadethatman,"saidDolly,"andnowhecutsmedeadbeforethewholeoftheRow!It’satrocious。Why,butforme,doyousupposehe’dbeatthismomentengagedtothreethousandayearand——andtheplainestgirlinLondon?"
  "Notthat,"Ipleaded;"thinkof——"
  "Well,veryplainanyhow。Iwasquitereadytobowtohim。
  Ialmostdid。"
  "Infactyoudid?"
  "Ididn’t。IdeclareIdidn’t。"
  "Oh,well,youdidn’tthen。Itonlylookedlikeit。"
  "Imethim,"saidMissDolly,"threeyearsago。Atthattimehewas——oh,quiteunpresentable。Hewaseverythingheshouldn’tbe。
  Hewasateetotaler,youknow,andhedidn’tsmoke,andhewasalwaysgoingtoconcerts。Oh,andheworehishairlong,andhistrousersshort,andhishatonthebackofhishead。Andhisumbrella——"
  "Wheredidhewearthat?"
  "Hecarriedthat,Mr。Carter。Don’tbesilly!Carrieditunrolled,youknow,andgenerallyapaperparcelintheotherhand;andhehadspectaclestoo。"
  "Hehascertainlychanged,outwardlyatleast。
  "Yes,Iknow;well,Ididthat。Itookhiminhand,andIjusttaughthim,andnow——!"
  "Yes,Iknowthat。Buthowdidyouteachhim?GivehimSaturdayeveninglectures,orwhat?"
  "Oh,every—eveninglectures,andmost—morningwalks。AndI
  taughthimtodance,andbrokehiswretchedfiddlewithmyownhands!"
  "Whatveryarbitrarydistinctionsyoudraw!"
  "Idon’tknowthatyoumean。Idolikeamantobesmart,anyhow。Don’tyou,Mr。Carter?You’renotsosmartasyoumightbe。Now,shallItakeyouinhand?"Andshesmileduponme。
  "Let’shearyourmethod。Whatdidyoudotohim。?"
  "ToPhilMeadows?Oh,nothing。Ijustslippedinaremarkhereandthere,wheneverhetalkednonsense。Iusedtospeakjustattherighttime,youknow。"
  "Buthowhadyourwordssuchinfluence,MissFoster?"
  "Oh,well,youknow,Mr。Carter,ImadeitaconditionthatheshoulddojustwhatIwantedinlittlethingslikethat。DidhethinkIwasgoingtowalkaboutwithamancarryingabrownpaperparcel——asifwehadbeentotheshopforapoundoftea?"
  "Still,Idon’tseewhyheshouldalterallhis——"
  "Oh,youarestupid!Ofcourse,helikedme,youknow。"
  "Oh,didhe?Isee。"
  "Youseemtothinkthatveryfunny。"
  "Notthathedid——butthat,apparently,hedoesn’t。"
  "Wellyougotoutofthatratherneatly——foryou。No,hedoesn’tnow。Yousee,hemisunderstoodmymotive。Hethought——well,I
  dobelievehethoughtIcaredforhim,youknow。OfcourseI
  didn’t。"
  "Notabit?"
  "Justasafriend——andapupil,youknow。Andwhenhe’dhadhishaircutandboughtafrockcoat(fancyhe’dneverhadone!),helookedquitenice。Hehasniceeyes。Didyounoticethem。"
  "Lord,no!"
  "Well,you’resounobservant。"
  "Oh,notalways。I’veobservedthatyour——"
  "Pleasedon’t!It’snouse,isit?"
  Ilookedveryunhappy。ThereisanunderstandingthatIamveryunhappysinceMissFoster’sengagementtotheEarlofMicklehamwasannounced。
  "WhatwasIsayingbefore——beforeyou——youknow——oh,aboutPhilMeadows,ofcourse。Ididlikehimverymuch,youknow,orI
  shouldn’thavetakenallthattrouble。Why,hisownmotherthankedme!"
  "Ihavenomoretosay,"saidI。
  "Butshewrotemeahorridletterafterward。"
  "You’resoveryelliptical。"
  "Soverywhat,Mr。Carter?"
  "Youleavesomuchout,Imean。Afterwhat?"
  "Why,afterIsenthimaway。Didn’tItellyou?Oh,wehadthemostawfulscene。Heraved,Mr。Carter。Hecalledmethemosthorridnames,and——"
  "Torehishair?"
  "Itwasn’tlongenoughtogetholdof,"shetittered。"Butdon’tlaugh。Itwasreallydreadful。Andsounjust!Andthen,nextday,whenIthoughtitwascomfortablyover,youknow,hecameback,and——andapologized,andcalledhimselfthemostawfulnames,and——well,thatwasreallyworse。"
  "Whatdidthefellowcomplainof?"Iaskedinwonderingtones。
  "Oh,hesaidI’ddestroyedhisfaithinwomen,youknow,andthatI’dledhimon,andthatIwas——well,hewasveryrudeindeed。
  Andhewentonwritingmeletterslikethatforawholeyear?Itmademequiteuncomfortable。"
  "Buthedidn’tgobacktoshorttrousersandafiddle,didhe?"I
  askedanxiously。
  "Oh,no。Butheforgotallheowedme,andhetoldmethathisheartwasdead,andthatheshouldneverloveanyoneagain。"
  "Buthe’sgoingtomarrythatgirl。"
  "Oh,hedoesn’tcareabouther,"saidMissDollyreassuringly。
  "It’sthemoney,youknow。Hehadn’tafarthingofhisown。
  Nowhe’llbesetupforlife。"
  "Andit’sallduetoyou!"saidIadmiringly。
  "Well,itis,really。"
  "Idon’tcallhersuchabad—lookinggirl,though。"(Ihadn’tseenherface。)
  "Mr。Carter!She’shideous!"
  Idroppedthatsubject。
  "Andnow,"saidMissDollyagain,"hecutsmedead!"
  "Itistheheightofingratitude。Why,toloveyouwasaliberaleducation!"
  "Yes,wasn’tit?Hownicelyyouputthat。Aliberaleducation!’
  IshalltellArchie。"(ArchieisLordMickleham。)
  "What,aboutPhilMeadows?"
  "Goodnessme,no,Mr。Carter。Justwhatyousaid,youknow。"
  "ButwhynottellMicklehamaboutPhilMeadows?"Iurged。"It’salltoyourcredit,youknow。"
  "Iknow,butmenaresofoolish。Yousee,Archiethinks——"
  "Ofcoursehedoes。"
  "Youmightletmefinish。"
  "Archiethinksyouwereneverinlovebefore。"
  "Yes,hedoes。Well,ofcourse,Iwasn’tinlovewithPhil——"
  "Notalittlebit?"
  "Oh,well——"
  "Norwithanyoneelse?"
  MissDollylookedforaninstantinmydirection。
  "Norwithanyoneelse?saidI。
  MissDollylookedstraightinfrontofher。
  "Norwith——"Ibegan。
  "Hullo,oldchappie,wheredidyouspringfrom?"
  "Why,Archie!"criedMissDolly。
  "Oh,howareyou,Mickleham,oldman?Takethisseat;I’mjustoff——justoff。Yes,Iwas,uponmyhonor——gottomeetamanattheclub。Goodbye,MissFoster。Jove!I’mlate!"
  AndasIwentIheardMissDollysay,"Ithoughtyouwerenevercoming,Archie,dear!"Well,shedidn’tthinkhewascomingjustthen。NomoredidI。
  CORDIALRELATIONS
  TheotherdayIpaidacallonMissDollyFosterforthepurposeofpresentingtohermysmallofferingontheoccasionofhermarriagetoLordMickleham。Itwasaprettylittlebitofjewelry——apearlheart,broken(rubiesplayedthepartofblood)
  andheldtogetherbyagoldpin,setwithdiamonds,thewholesurmountedbyanearl’scoronet。Ihadtakensometroubleaboutit,andwasgratefulwhenMissDollyaskedmetoexplainthesymbolism。
  "Itismyheart,"Iobserved。"Thefractureisyourmaking;thepin——"
  HereMissDollyinterrupted;totellthetruthIwasnotsorry,forIwasfairlygraveledforthemeaningofthepin。
  "Whatnonsense,Mr。Carter!"shesaid;"butit’sawfullypretty。
  Thankssoveryverymuch。Aren’trelationsfunnypeople?"
  "Ifyouwishtochangethesubject,praydo,"saidI。"I’llchangeanythingexceptmyaffections。"
  "Lookhere,"shepursued,holdingoutabundleofletters。"Herearethecongratulatoryepistlesfromrelations。ShallIreadyouafew?"
  "Itwillbeamostagreeablemodeofpassingthetime,"saidI。
  "ThisisfromAuntGeorgiana——she’sawidow——livesatCheltenham。
  ’MydearestDorothea——’"
  "Who?"
  "Dorothea’smyname,Mr。Carter。Itmeansthegiftofheaven,youknow。"
  "’MydearestDorothea,IhaveheardthenewsofyourengagementtoLordMicklehamwithdeepthankfulness。Toobtaintheloveofanhonestmanisagreatprize。Ihopeyouwillproveworthyofit。Marriageisatrialandanopportunity——’"
  "Hear,hear!"saidI。"Atrialforthehusbandand——"
  "Bequiet,Mr。Carter。’Atrialandanopportunity。Itsearchestheheartandaffordsasphereofusefulnesswhich——’Soshegoeson,youknow。Idon’tseewhyIneedbelecturedjustbecauseI’mgoingtobemarried,doyou,Mr。Carter?"
  "Let’stryanother,"saidI。"Who’sthatonpinkpaper?"
  "Oh,that’sGeorgyVane。She’sawfulfun。’DearoldDolly,——Soyou’vebroughtitoff。Heartycongrats。Ithoughtyouweregoingtobesillyandthrowaway——’There’snothingelsethere,Mr。Carter。Lookhere。Listentothis。It’sfromUncleWilliam。He’saclergyman,youknow。’MydearNiece,——Ihaveheardwithgreatgratificationofyourengagement。YourauntandIuniteinallgoodwishes。IrecollectLordMickleham’sfatherwhenIhadacuracynearWorcester。Hewasaregularattendantatchurchandasupporterofallgoodworksinthediocese。Ifonlyhissontakesafterhim(fancyArchie!)Youhavesecuredaprize。Ihopeyouhaveapropersenseoftheresponsibilitiesyouareundertaking。Marriageaffordsnosmallopportunities,italsoentailscertaintrials——’"
  "Why,you’rereadingAuntGeorgianaagain。"
  "AmI?No,it’sUncleWilliam。"
  "Thenlet’stryafreshcast——unlessyou’llfinishGeorgyVane’s。"
  "Well,here’sCousinSusan’s。She’sanoldmaid,youknow。It’sverylong。Here’sabit:’Womanhasitinherpowertoexerciseasacredinfluence。IhavenotthepleasureofknowingLordMickleham,butIhope,mydear,thatyouwilluseyourpoweroverhimforgood。Itisuselessformetodenythatwhenyoustayedwithme,Ithoughtyouwereaddictedtofrivolity。Doubtlessmarriagewillsoberyou。TrytomakeagooduseofitslessonsIamsendingyouabiscuittin’——andsoon。"
  "Averyproperletter,"saidI。
  MissDollyindulgedinaslightgrimace,andtookupanotherletter。
  "This,"shesaid,"isfrommysister—in—law,Mrs。AlgernonFoster。"
  "AdaughterofLordDoldrums,wasn’tshe?"
  "Yes。’MydearDorothea,——Ihaveheardyournews。Idohopeitwillturnouthappily。Ibelievethatanywomanwhoconscientiouslydoesherdutycanfindhappinessinmarriedlife。
  Herhusbandandchildrenoccupyallhertimeandallherthoughts,andifshecanlookforfewofthelighterpleasuresoflife,shehasatleasttheknowledgethatsheisofuseintheworld。Pleaseaccepttheaccompanyingvolumes(it’sBrowning)asasmall——’Isay,Mr。Carter,doyouthinkit’sreallylikethat?"
  "Thereisstilltimetodrawback,"Iobserved。
  "Oh,don’tbesilly。Here,thisismybrotherTom’s。’DearDol,——IthoughtMicklehamratheranasswhenImethim,butI
  daresayyouknowbest。What’shisplacelike?Doeshetakeamoor?IthoughtIreadthathekeptayacht。Doeshe?Givehimmyloveandakiss。Goodluck,oldgirl。Tom。P。S。——I’mgladit’snotme,youknow。’"
  "Adisgustingletter,"Iobserved。
  "Notatall,"saidMissDolly,dimpling。"It’sjustlikedearoldTom。Listentograndpapa’s。’MydearGranddaughter,——Thealliance’(Iratherlikeit’sbeingcalledanalliance,Mr。
  Carter。ItsoundsliketheRoyalFamily,doesn’tit?)’youareabouttocontractisinallrespectsasuitableone。Isendyoumyblessingandasmallchecktohelptowardsyourtrousseau。——Yoursaffectionately,Jno。Wm。Foster。’"
  "That,"saidI,"isthebestuptonow。"
  "Yes,it’s500,"saidshe,smiling。"Here’soldLadyM。’s。"
  "Whose?"Iexclaimed。
  "Archie’smother’s,youknow。’MydearDorothea(asIsupposeI
  mustcallyounow)——Archibaldhasinformedusofhisengagement,andIandthegirls(therearefivegirls,Mr。Carter)hastentowelcomehisbride。IamsureArchiewillmakehiswifeveryhappy。Heisratherparticular(likehisdearfather),buthehasagoodheart,andisnotfidgetyabouthismeals。OfcourseweshallbedelightedtomoveoutofTheTowersatonce。Ihopeweshallseeagreatdealofyousoon。Archieisfullofyourpraises,andwethoroughlytrusthistaste。Archie——’It’sallaboutArchie,yousee。"
  "Naturally,"saidI。
  "Well,Idon’tknow。IsupposeIcountalittle,too。Oh,lookhere。Here’sCousinFred’s,buthe’salwayssosilly。Ishan’treadyouhis。"
  "O,justabitofit,"Ipleaded。
  "Well,here’sonebit。’IsupposeIcan’tmurderhim,soImustwishhimjoy。AllIcansayis,Dolly,thathe’stheluckiest(somethingIcan’tread——eitherfellowor——devil)Ieverheardof。Iwonderifyou’veforgottenthatevening——’"
  "Well,goon。"Forshestopped。
  "Oh,there’snothingelse。"
  "Infact,youhaveforgottentheevening?"
  "Entirely,"saidMissDolly,tossingherhead。
  "Buthesendsmealoveofabracelet。Hecan’tpossiblypayforit,poorboy。"
  "Youngknave!"saidIseverely。(Ihadpaidformypearlheart。)
  "Thencomesalotfromgirls。Oh,there’sonefromMaudTottenham——she’sasecondcousin,youknow——it’sratheramusing。
  ’IusedtoknowyourFIANCEslightly。Heseemedverynice,butit’salongwhileago,andIneversawmuchofhim。Ihopeheisreallyfondofyou,andthatitisnotamerefancy。Sinceyoulovehimsomuch,itwouldbeapityifhedidnotcaredeeplyforyou。’"
  "Interpret,MissDolly,"saidI。
  "Shetriedtocatchhimherself,"saidMissDolly。
  "Ah,Isee。Isthatall?"
  "Theothersaren’tveryinteresting。"
  "Thenlet’sfinishGeorgyVane’s。"
  "Really?"sheasked,smiling。
  "Yes。Really。"
  "Oh,ifyoudon;’tmind,Idon’t,"saidshe,laughing,andshehuntedoutthepinknoteandspreaditbeforeher。
  "Letmesee。WherewasI?Oh,here。’Ithoughtyouweregoingtobesillyandthrowawayyourchancesonsomeofthemenwhousedtoflirtwithyou。ArchieMicklehammaynotbeagenius,buthe’sagoodfellowandaswellandrich;andhe’snotapauper,likePhilMeadows,orasnoblikeCharlieDawson,or——’shallIgoon,Mr。Carter?No,Iwon’t。Ididn’tseewhatitwas。"
  "Yes,youshallgoon。"
  "O,no,Ican’t,"andshefoldeduptheletter。"ThenIwill,"
  andI’mashamedtosayIsnatchedtheletter。MissDollyjumpedtoherfeet。Ifledbehindthetable。Sheranround。Idodged。
  "’Or’"Ibegantoread。
  "Stop!"criedshe。
  "’Orayoungspendthriftlikethatman——Iforgethisname——whoyouusedtogoonwithatsuchapaceatMonteCarlolastwinter。’"
  "Stop!"shecried。"Youmuststop,Mr。Carter。"
  SothenIstopped。Ifoldedtheletterandhandeditbacktoher。Hercheeksflushedredasshetookit。
  "Ithoughtyouwereagentleman,"saidshe,bitingherlip。
  "IwasatMonteCarlolastwintermyself,"saidI。
  "LordMickleham,"saidthebutler,throwingopenthedoor。
  RETRIBUTION
  InfutureIamgoingtobecarefulwhatIdo。Iamalso——andthisisbynomeanslessimportant——goingtobeverycarefulwhatMissDollyFosterdoes。Everybodyknows(ifImayquoteherparticularfriendNelliePhaeton)thatdearDollymeansnoharm,butsheis"justalittleharumscarum。"IthankedMissPhaetonfortheexpression。
  Thefactisthat"oldladyM。"(HereIquoteMissDolly)sentformetheotherday。IhavenotthehonorofknowingtheCountess,andIwentinsometrepidation。WhenIwasusheredin,LadyMicklehamputupher"starers。"(Youknowthoseabominations!
  Pince—nezwithlongtorture——Imeantortoise——shellhandles。)
  "Mr。——er——Carter?"saidshe。
  Ibowed。IwouldhavedenieditifIcould。
  "Mydears!"saidLadyMickleham。
  Uponthisfiveyoungladieswhohadbeensittinginfivestraight—backedchairs,doingfivepiecesofembroidery,rose,bowed,andfiledoutoftheroom。Ifeltverynervous。
  Apausefollowed。ThentheCountessobserved——anditseemedatfirstratherirrelevant——
  "I’vebeenreadinganunpleasantstory。"
  "InthesedaysofFrenchinfluence,"Ibeganapologetically(notthatIwritesuchstories,oranystories,butLadyMicklehaminvitesanapologeticattitude),andmyeyewanderedtothetable。Isawnothingworse(orbetter)thanthemorningpaperthere。
  "Containedinafriend’sletter,"shecontinued,focusingthe"starers"fullonmyface。
  Ididnotknowwhattodo,soIbowedagain。
  "Itmusthavebeenaspainfulforhertowriteasformetoread,"LadyMicklehamwenton。"Andthatissayingmuch。Beseated,pray。"
  Ibowed,andsatdowninoneofthestraight—backchairs。Ialsobegan,inmyfright,toplaywithoneofthepiecesofembroidery。
  "IsLadyJane’sworkinyourway?"(LadyJaneisnamedafterJane,thefamousCountess,Lady—in—WaitingtoCarolineofAnspach。)
  Idroppedtheembroidery,andputmyfootonmyhat。
  "Ibelieve,Mr。Carter,thatyouareacquaintedwithMissDorotheaFoster?"
  "Ihavethatpleasure,"saidI。
  "Whoisabouttobemarriedtomyson,theEarlofMickleham?"
  "That,Ibelieve,isso,"saidI。Iwasbeginningtopullmyselftogether。
  "Myson,Mr。Carter,isofasimpleandtrustingdisposition。
  PerhapsIhadbettercometothepoint。Iaminformedbythisletterthat,inconversationwiththewritertheotherday,Archibaldmentioned,quiteincidentally,someverystartlingfacts。Thosefactsconcernyou,Mr。Carter。"
  "MayIaskthenameofthewriter?"
  "Idonotthinkthatisnecessary,"saidshe。"SheisaladyinwhomIhavetheutmostconfidence。"
  "Thatis,ofcourse,enough,"saidI。
  "Itappears,Mr。Carter——andyouwillexcusemeifIspeakplainly——(Isetmyteeth)thatyouhave,inthefirstplace,giventomyson’sbrideaweddingpresent,whichIcanonlydescribeas——"
  "Apearlornament,"Iinterposed;"witharubyortwo,and——"
  "Apearlheart,"shecorrected;"er——fractured,andthatyouexplainedthatthisabsurdarticlerepresentedyourheart。"
  "Merebadinage,"saidI。
  "Inexecrablybadtaste,"saidshe。
  Ibowed。
  "Infact,mostoffensive。Butthatisnottheworst。Frommyson’sfurtherstatementsitappearsthatononeoccasion,atleast,hefoundyouandMissFosterengagedinwhatIcanonlycall——"
  Iraisedmyhandinprotest。TheCountesstooknonotice。
  "WhatIcanonlycallromping。"
  "Romping!"Icried。
  "Athingnotonlyatrociouslyvulgaratalltimes,butunderthecircumstances——needIsaymore?Mr。Carter,youwereengagedinchasingmyson’sfuturebrideroundatable!"
  "Pardonme,LadyMickleham。Yourson’sfuturebridewasengagedinchasingmeroundatable。"
  "Itisthesamething,"saidLadyMickleham。
  "Ishouldhavethoughttherewasadistinction,"saidI。
  "Noneatall。"
  Ifellbackonasecondlineofdefense。
  "Ididn’tlethercatchme,LadyMickleham,"Ipleaded。
  LadyMicklehamgrewquitered。Thismademefeelmoreatmyease。
  "No,sir。Ifyouhad——"
  "Goodnessknows!"Imurmured,shakingmyhead。
  "Asithappened,however,mysonenteredinthemiddleofthisdisgraceful——"
  "Itwasatthebeginning,"saidI,witharegretfulsigh。
  Uponthis——andIhavereallyneverbeensopleasedatanythinginallmylife——theCountess,theviolenceofheremotionspenetratingtoherveryfingers,grippedthehandleofher"starers"withsuchforcethatshebrokeitintwo!Shewasawomanoftheworld,andinamomentshelookedasifnothinghadhappened。Withmeitwasdifferent;andthatIamnotnowonLadyMickleham’svisitinglistisdueto(interaliaetenormia)
  thefactthatIlaughed!ItwasoutbeforeIcouldhelpit。InasecondIwasasgraveasamute。Themischiefwasdone。TheCountessrose。Iimitatedherexample。
  "Youareamused?"saidshe,andhertonesbanishedthelastofmymirth。Istumbledonmyhatanditrolledtoherfeet。
  "Itisnotprobable,"sheobserved,"thatafterMissFoster’smarriageyouwillmeetheroften。Youwillmovein——er——somewhatdifferentcircles。"
  "Imaycatchaglimpseofherinhercarriagefromthetopofmy’bus,"saidI。
  LadyMicklehamrangthebell。Istoopedformyhat。Totellthetruth,Iwasratherafraidtoexposemyselfinsuchadefenselessattitude,buttheCountesspreservedherselfcontrol。Thebutleropenedthedoor。Ibowed,andlefttheCountessregardingmethroughthemaimed"starers。"ThenIfoundthebutlersmiling。Heprobablyknewthesignsoftheweather。Iwouldn’tbeLadyMickleham’sbutlerifyoumademeaduke。
  AsIwalkedhomethroughthePark,ImetMissDollyandMickleham。Theystopped。
  Iwalkedon。Micklehamseizedmebythecoattails。
  "Doyoumeantocutus?"hecried。
  "Yes,"saidI。
  "Why,whatthedeuce?——"hebegan。
  "I’veseenyourmother,"saidI。"Iwish,Mickleham,thatwhenyoudohappentointrudeasyoudidtheotherday,youwouldn’trepeatwhatyousee。"
  "Lord!"hecried。"She’snotheardofthat。IonlytoldAuntCynthia。"
  Isaidsomethingabout"AuntCynthia。"
  "Does——doessheknowitall?"askedMissDolly。
  "Morethanall——muchmore。"
  "Didn’tyousmoothitover?"saidMissDollyreproachfully。
  "Onreflection,"saidI,"Idon’tknowthatIdid——much。"(I
  hadn’t,youknow。)
  SuddenlyMicklehamburstoutlaughing。
  "Whatagame!"heexclaimed。
  "That’sallverywellforyou,"saidDolly。"Butdoyouhappentorememberthatwedinetheretonight?"Archiegrewgrave。
  "Ihopeyou’llenjoyyourselves,"saidI。"Ialwaysclingtothebeliefthatthewickedarepunished。"AndIlookedatMissDolly。
  "Neveryoumind,littlewoman,"saidArchie,drawingMissDolly’sarmthroughhis,"I’llseeyouthrough。Afterall,everybodyknowsthatoldCarter’sanass。"
  Thatpieceofuniversalknowledgemayhelpmatters,butIdonotquiteseehow。Iwalkedon,forMissDollyhadquiteforgottenme,andwaslookingupatArchieMicklehamlike——well,hangit,inthewaytheydo,youknow。SoIjustwalkedon。
  IbelieveMissDollyhasgotahusbandwhois(letussay)goodenoughforher。And,foronereasonandanother,Iamgladofit。AndIalsobelievethatsheknowsit。AndIam——I
  suppose——gladofthat,too。Oh,yes,ofcourse,Iam。Ofcourse。
  THEPERVERSENESSOFIT
  "Itellyouwhat,Mr。Carter,"saidMissNelliePhaeton,touchingupRhinowithherwhip,"loveinacottageis——"
  "Lordforgiveus,cinders,ashes,dust,"Iquoted。
  WewerespankingroundtheParkbehindReadyandRhino。MissPhaeton’shorsesareverylarge;hergroomisverysmall,andhercourageisindomitable。Iamnogreathandatdrivingmyself,andIamnotalwaysquitecomfortable。Moreover,thestricterpartofmyacquaintanceconsider,Ibelieve,thatMissPhaeton’sattentionstomearesomewhatpronounced,andthatIoughtnottodrivewithherinthePark。
  "You’reright,"shewenton。"Whatagirlwantsisagoodhouseandlotsofcash,andsomeridin’andalittlehuntin’and——"
  "Afewg’s!’"Icriedinshudderingentreaty。"Ifyouloveme,ag’ortwo。"
  "Well,Isupposeso,"saidshe。"Youcan’tgoridin’withoutgees,canyou?"
  Apparentlyonecouldgodrivingwithoutany,butIdidnotpursuethesubject。
  "It’sonlyinstoriesthatpeopleareinlovewhentheymarry,"
  observedMissPhaetonreflectively。
  "Yes,andthenit’sgenerallywithsomebodyelse,"saidI。
  "Oh,ifyoucountthat!"saidshe,hittingReadyratherviciously。Weboundedforward,andIheardthelittlegroombumpingonthebackseat。Iamalwaysgladnottobeagroom——it’sacup—and—ballsortoflife,whichmustbeverywearying。
  "Wereyoueverinlove?"sheasked,justavoidingabroughamwhichcontainedtheDuchessofDexminster。(If,bytheway,I
  havetorunintoanyone,IlikeittobeaDuchess;yougetamuchhandsomerparagraph。)
  "Yes,"saidI。
  "Often?"
  "Oh,nottoooften,andIalwaystakegreatcare,youknow。"
  "Whatof?"
  "Thatitshallbequiteoutofthequestion,youknow。It’snotatalldifficult。Ionlyhavetoavoidpersonsofmoderatemeans。"
  "Butaren’tyouapersonof——?"
  "Exactly。That’swhy。SoIchooseeitherapauper——whenit’simpossible——oranheiress——whenit’spreposterous。See?"
  "Butdon’tyoueverwanttoget——?"beganMissPhaeton。
  "Let’stalkaboutsomethingelse,"saidI。
  "Ibelieveyou’rehumbuggin’me,"saidMissPhaeton。
  "Iamofferingaveiledapology,"saidI。
  "Stuff!"saidshe。"YouknowyoutoldDollyFosterthatIshouldmakeanexcellentwifeforatrainer。"
  Oh,thesewomen!Amanhadbettertalktoaphonograph。
  "Oranybodyelse,"saidIpolitely。
  MissPhaetonwhippedupherhorses。
  "Lookout!There’sthemountedpoliceman,"Icried。
  "No,heisn’t。Areyouafraid?"sheretorted。
  "I’mnotfittodie,"Ipleaded。
  "Idon’tcareapinforyouropinion,youknow,"shecontinued(I
  hadneversupposedthatshedid);"butwhatdidyoumeanbyit?"
  "Ineversaidit。"
  "Oh!"
  "Allright——Ineverdid。"
  "ThenDollyinventedit?"
  "Ofcourse,"saidIsteadily。
  "Onyourhonor?"
  "Oh,come,MissPhaeton!"
  "Would——wouldotherpeoplethinkso?"sheasked,withahighlysurprisingtouchoftimidity。
  "Nobodywould,"Isaid。"Onlyasnarlingoldwretchwouldsayso,justbecausehethoughtitsmart。"
  Therewasalongpause。ThenMissPhaetonaskedmeabruptly:
  "Younevermethim,didyou?"
  "No。"
  Apauseensued。WepassedtheDuchessagain,andscratchedthenoseofherpoodle,whichwaslookingoutofthecarriagewindow。
  MissPhaetonflickedRhino,andthegroombehindwentplop—plopontheseat。
  "Helivesintown,youknow,"remarkedMissPhaeton。
  "Theymostlydo——andwriteaboutthecountry,"saidI。
  "Whyshouldn’tthey?"sheaskedfiercely。
  "MydearMissPhaeton,byallmeansletthem,"saidI。
  "He’sawfullyclever,youknow,"shecontinued;"buthewouldn’talwaystalk。Sometimeshejustsatandsaidnothin’,orreadabook。"
  AsuddenintuitiondiscoveredMr。Gay’sfeelingstome。
  "Youweretalkingabouttherun,orsomething,Isuppose?"
  "Yes,orthebag,youknow。"
  AsshespokeshepulledupReadyandRhino。Thelittlegroomjumpeddownandstoodunder(notat)theirheads。Ileantbackandsurveyedthecrowdsittingandwalking。MissPhaetonflickedaflyoffRhino’sear,putherwhipinthesocket,andleantbackalso。
  "ThenIsupposeyoudidn’tcaremuchabouthim?"Iasked。
  "Oh,Ilikedhimprettywell,"sheansweredverycarelessly。
  Atthismoment,lookingalongthewalk,Isawamancomingtowardus。Hewasahandsomefellow,withjustatouchof"softness"inhisface。Hewasdressedincorrectfashion,savethathishairwasatriflelonger,hiscoatatriflefuller,hishatatriflelarger,histieatriflelooserthantheywerewornbymost。Hecaughtmyattention,andIwentonlookingathimforalittlewhile,tillalightmovementofmycompanion’smademeturnmyhead。
  MissPhaetonwassittingboltupright;shefidgetedwiththereins;shetookherwhipoutofthesocketandputitbackagain;
  and,tomyamazement,hercheekswereveryred。
  Presentlythemancameoppositethecarriage。MissPhaetonbowed。Heliftedhishat,smiled,andmadeasiftopasson。
  MissPhaetonheldoutherhand。Icouldseeamomentarygleamofsurpriseinhiseyes,asthoughhethoughthercordialitymorethanhemighthavelookedfor——possiblyevenmorethanhecaredabout。Buthestoppedandshookhands。
  "Howareyou,Mr。Gay?"shesaid,notintroducingme。
  "Stillwithyourinseparables!"hesaidgayly,withawaveofhishandtowardsthehorses。"Ihope,MissPhaeton,thatinthenextworldyourfaithfulsteedswillbeallowedtobearyoucompany,orwhatwillyoudo?"
  "O,youthinkIcarefornothin’buthorses?"saidshepetulantly,butsheleanttowardshim,andgavemehershoulder。
  "O,no,"helaughed。"Dogs,also,and,I’mafraid,onedayitwasferrets,wasn’tit?"
  "Have——haveyouwrittenanypoetrylately?"sheasked。
  "Howconscientiousofyoutoinquire!"heexclaimed,hiseyestwinkling。"O,yes,ahundredthings。Haveyou——killed——anythinglately?"
  Icouldswearsheflushedagain。Hervoicetrembledassheanswered:
  "No,notlately。"
  IcaughtsightofhisfacebehindherbackandIthoughtIsawatraceofpuzzle——nothingmore。Heheldouthishand。
  "Well,sogladtohaveseenyou,MissPhaeton,"saidhe,"butI
  mustrunon。Goodbye。"
  "Goodbye,Mr。Gay,"saidshe。
  And,liftinghishatagain,smilingagaingayly,hewasgone。
  ForamomentortwoIsaidnothing。ThenIremarked:
  "Sothat’syourfriendGay,isit?He’snotabad—lookingfellow。"
  "Yes,that’shim,"saidshe,and,asshespoke,shesankbackinherseatforamoment。Ididnotlookatherface。Thenshesatupstraightagainandtookthewhip。
  "Wanttostayanylonger?"sheasked。
  "No,"saidI。
  Thelittlegroomsprangaway,RhinoandReadydashedahead。
  "ShallIdropyouattheclub?"sheasked。"I’mgoin’home。"
  "I’llgetouthere,"saidI。
  Wecametoastandagain,andIgotdown。
  "Goodbye,"Isaid。
  Shenoddedatme,butsaidnothing。Asecondlaterthecarriagewastearingdowntheroad,andthelittlegroomhangingonfordearlife。
  Ofcourse,it’sallnonsense。She’snottheleastsuitedtohim;
  she’dmakehimmiserable,andthenbemiserableherself。Butitseemsalittleperverse,doesn’tit?Infact,twiceatleastbetweenthecoursesatdinnerIcaughtmyselfbeingsorryforher。Itis,whenyouthinkofit,soremarkablyperverse。
  AMATTEROFDUTY
  LadyMicklehamisbackfromherhoneymoon。ImeanyoungLadyMickleham——DollyFoster(well,ofcourseIdo。FancytheDowageronahoneymoon!)Shesignifiedthefacttomebyorderingmetocallonheratteatime;shehad,shesaid,somethingwhichshewishedtoconsultmeaboutconfidentially。Iwent。
  "Ididn’tknowyouwereback,"Iobserved。
  "Oh,we’vebeenbackafortnight,butwewentdowntoTheTowers。
  Theywereallthere,Mr。Carter。"
  "Allwho?"
  "AllArchie’speople。Thedowagersaidwemustgetreallytoknowoneanotherassoonaspossible。I’mnotsureIlikereallyknowingpeople。Itmeansthattheysaywhatevertheyliketoyou,anddon’tgetupoutofyourfavoritechairwhenyoucomein。"
  "Iagree,"saidI,"thatasoupconofunfamiliarityisnotamiss。"
  "Ofcourseit’snicetobeoneofthefamily,"shecontinued。
  "Thecatisthat,"saidI。"Iwouldnotgiveafigforit。"
  "AndtheDowagertaughtmethewaysofthehouse。"
  "Ah,shetaughtmethewayoutofit。"
  "Andshowedmehowtobemostdisagreeabletotheservants。"
  "Itisthefirstlessonofahousekeeper。"
  "AndtoldmewhatArchieparticularlyliked,andhowbaditwasforhim,poorboy。"
  "Whatshouldwedowithoutourmothers?Idonot,however,seehowIcanhelpinallthis,LadyMickleham。"
  "Howfunnythatsounds!"
  "Aren’tyouaccustomedtoyourdignityyet?"
  "Imeantfromyou,Mr。Carter。"
  Ismiled。ThatisDolly’sway。AsMissPhaetonsays,shemeansnoharm,anditisadmirablyconducivetothepleasureofatete—a—tete。
  "Itwasn’tthatIwantedtoaskyouabout,"shecontinued,aftershehadindulgedinapensivesigh(withadutifullybrightsmileandaglanceatArchie’sphotographtofollow。Herbehavioralwaysremindsmeofavariedandwellassortedmenu)。"Itwasaboutsomethingmuchmoredifficult。Youwon’ttellArchie,willyou?"
  "Thisbecomesinteresting,"Iremarked,puttingmyhatdown。
  "Youknow,Mr。Carter,thatbeforeIwasmarried——oh,howlongagoitseems!"
  "Notatall。"
  "Don’tinterrupt。ThatbeforeIwasmarriedIhadseveral——thatistosay,several——well,several——"
  "Startquiteafresh,"Isuggestedencouragingly。
  "Well,then,severalmenweresillyenoughtothinkthemselves——youknow。"
  "Noonebetter,"Iassentedcheerfully。
  "Oh,ifyouwon’tbesensible!——Well,yousee,manyofthemareArchie’sfriendsaswellasmine;and,ofcourse,they’vebeentocall。"
  "Itisbutgoodmanners,"saidI。
  "Oneofthemwaitedtobesentfor,though。"
  "Leavethatfellowout,"saidI。
  "WhatIwanttoaskyouisthis——andIbelieveyou’renotsilly,really,youknow,exceptwhenyouchoosetobe。"
  "WalkintheRowanyafternoon,"saidI,"andyouwon’tfindtenwisermen。"
  "It’sthis。OughtItotellArchie?"
  "Goodgracious!Here’saproblem!"
  "Ofcourse,"pursuedLadyMickleham,openingherfan,"it’sinsomewaysmorecomfortablethatheshouldn’tknow。"
  "Forhim?"
  "Yes——andforme。Butthenitdoesn’tseemquitefair。"
  "Tohim?"
  "Yes——andtome。Becauseifhecametoknowfromanybodyelse,hemightexaggeratethethings,youknow。"
  "Impossible!"
  "Mr。Carter!"
  "I——er——meanheknowsyoutoowelltodosuchathing。"
  "Oh,Isee。Thankyou。Yes。Whatdoyouthink?"
  "WhatdoestheDowagersay?"
  "Ihaven’tmentionedittotheDowager。"
  "Butsurely,onsuchapoint,herexperience——"
  "Shecan’thaveany,"saidLadyMicklehamdecisively。"Ibelieveinherhusband,becauseImust。Butnobodyelse!You’renotgivingmeyouropinion。"
  Ireflectedforamoment。
  "Haven’tweleftoutonepointtoview?"Iventuredtosuggest。
  "I’vethoughtitalloververycarefully,"saidshe;"bothasitwouldaffectmeandasitwouldaffectArchie。"
  "Quiteso。Nowsupposeyouthinkhowitwouldaffectthem?"
  "Who?"
  "Why,themen。"
  LadyMicklehamputdownhercupoftea。"Whataverycuriousidea!"sheexclaimed。
  "Giveittimetosinkin,"saidI,helpingmyselftoanotherpieceoftoast。Shesatsilentforafewmoments——presumablytoallowofthepermeationIsuggested。Ifinishedmyteaandleantbackcomfortably。ThenIsaid:
  "Letmetakemyowncase。Shouldn’tIfeelratherawkward——?"
  "Oh,it’snogoodtakingyourcase,"sheinterrupted。
  "Whynotmineaswellasanother?"
  "BecauseItoldhimaboutyoulongago。"
  Iwasnotsurprised。ButIcouldnotpermitLadyMicklehamtolaughatmeintheunconscionablemannerinwhichsheproceededtolaugh。Ispreadoutmyhandsandobservedblandly:
  "Whynotbeguided——astotheothers,Imean——byyourhusband’sexample?"
  "Archie’sexample?What’sthat?"
  "Idon’tknow;butyoudo,Isuppose。"
  "Whatdoyoumean,Mr。Carter?"sheasked,sittingupright。
  "Well,hasheevertoldyouaboutMaggieAdeane?"
  "Ineverheardofher。"
  "OrLillyCourtenay?"
  "Thatgirl!"
  "OrAliceLayton?"
  "Thered—hairedLayton?"
  "OrFlorenceCunliffe?"
  "Whowasshe?"
  "OrMillieTrehearne?"
  "Shesquints,Mr。Carter。"
  "Or——"
  "Stop,stop!Whatdoyoumean?Whatshouldhetellme?"
  "Oh,Iseehehasn’t。Nor,Isuppose,aboutSylviaFenton,orthatlittleDelancygirl,orhandsomeMiss——whatwashername?"
  "Holdyourtongue——andtellmewhatyoumean。"
  "LadyMickleham,"saidIgravely,"ifyourhusbandhasnotthoughtfittomentiontheseladies——andotherswhomIcouldname——toyou,howcouldIpresume——?"
  "DoyoumeantotellmethatArchie——?"
  "He’donlyknownyouthreeyears,yousee。"
  "Thenitwasbefore——?"
  "Someofthemwerebefore,"saidI。
  LadyMicklehamdrewalongbreath。
  "Archiewillbeinsoon,"saidshe。
  Itookmyhat。
  "Itseemstome,"Iobserved,"thatwhatissauce——that,Ishouldsay,husbandandwifeoughttostandonanequalfootinginthesematters。Sincehehas——nodoubtforgoodreasons——notmentionedtoyou——"
  "AliceLaytonwasapositivefright。"
  "Shecamelast,"saidI。"Justbeforeyou,youknow。However,asIwassaying——"
  "AndthathorribleSylviaFenton——"
  "Oh,hecouldn’thaveknownyoulongthen。AsIwassaying,I
  should,ifIwereyou,treathimashehastreatedyou。Inmycaseitseemstobetoolate。"
  "I’msorryItoldhimthat。"
  "Oh,praydon’tmind,it’sofnoconsequence。Astotheothers——"
  "IshouldneverhavethoughtitofArchie!"
  "Oneneverknows,"saidI,withanapologeticsmile。"Idon’tsupposehethinksitofyou。"
  "Iwon’ttellhimasingleword。Hemayfindoutifhelikes。
  Whowasthelastgirlyoumentioned?"
  "Isitanyusetryingtorememberalltheirnames?"Iaskedinasoothingtone。"Nodoubthe’sforgottenthembynow——justasyou’veforgottentheothers。"
  "AndtheDowagertoldmethathehadneverhadanattachmentbefore。"
  "Oh,iftheDowagersaidthat!Ofcourse,theDowagerwouldknow!"
  "Don’tbesosilly,forgoodnesssake!Areyougoing?"
  "CertainlyIam。ItmightannoyArchietofindmeherewhenhewantstotalktoyou。"
  "Well,Iwanttotalktohim。"
  "Ofcourseyouwon’trepeatwhatI’ve——"
  "Ishallfindoutformyself,"shesaid。
  "Goodbye。IhopeI’veremovedallyourtroubles?"
  "O,yes,thankyou。Iknowwhattodonow,Mr。Carter。"
  "Alwayssendformeifyou’reinanytrouble。Ihavesomeexp——"
  "Goodbye,Mr。Carter。"
  "Goodbye,LadyMickleham。AndrememberthatArchie,likeyou——"
  "Yes,yes;Iknow。Mustyougo?"
  I’mafraidImust。I’veenjoyedourtalkso——"
  "There’sArchie’sstep。"
  Ilefttheroom。OnthestairsImetArchie。Ishookhandssympathetically。IwassorryforArchie。Butingreatcausestheindividualcannotbeconsidered。Ihaddonemydutytomysex。
  MYLASTCHANCE
  "Nowmind,"saidMrs。HilaryMusgrave,impressively,"thisisthelasttimeIshalltakeanytroubleaboutyou。She’saverynicegirl,quitepretty,andshe’llhavealotofmoney。Youcanbeverypleasantwhenyoulike——"
  "Thisunsolicitedtestimonial——"
  "Whichisn’toften——andifyoudon’tdoitthistimeIwashmyhandsofyou。Why,howoldareyou?"
  "Hush,Mrs。Hilary,"
  "Youmustbenearly——"
  "It’sfalse——false——false!"
  "Comealong,"saidMrs。Hilary,andsheaddedoverhershoulder,"shehasaslightnorth—countryaccent。"
  "ItmighthavebeenScotch,"saidI。
  "Sheplaysthepianoagooddeal。"
  "Itmighthavebeenthefiddle,"saidI。
  "She’sveryfondofBrowning。"
  "ItmighthavebeenIbsen,"saidI。
  Mrs。Hilary,seeingthatIwasdeterminedtolookonthebrightside,smiledgraciouslyonmeandintroducedmetotheyounglady。Shewasdecidedlygood—looking,freshandsincereofaspect,withlargeinquiringeyes——eyeswhichIfeltwoulddemandalittletoomuchofmeatbreakfast——butthenalargetea—urnputsthatallright。
  "MissSophiaMilton——Mr。Carter,"saidMrs。Hilary,andleftus。
  Well,wetriedthetheatersfirst;butasshehadonlybeentotheLyceumandIhadonlybeentotheGaioety,wesoongottotheendofthat。ThenwetriedArt:sheaskedmewhatIthoughtofDegas:Ievadedthequestionbycriticizingadrawingofahorseinlastweek’sPunch——whichshehadn’tseen。Uponthisshestartedliterature。Shesaid"SomeQualmsandaShiver"wasthebookoftheseason。Iputmymoneyon"TheQueenoftheQuorn。"
  Deadstopagain!AndIsawMrs。Hilary’seyeuponme;therewaswrathinherface。Somethingmustbedone。Abrilliantideaseizedme。Ihadreadthatfour—fifthsofthecultureofEnglandwereConservative。IalsowasaConservative。Itwasfourtooneon!Istartedpolitics。IcouldhavewhoopedforjoywhenI
  elicitedsomethingparticularlyincisiveabouttheignoranceofthemasses。
  "Idohopeyouagreewithme,"saidMissMilton。"Themoreonereadsandthinks,themoreoneseeshowfatallyfalseatheoryitisthattheignorantmasses——peoplesuchasIhavedescribed——caneverruleagreatEmpire。"
  "TheEmpirewantsgentlemen;that’swhatitwants,"saidI,noddingmyheadandglancingtriumphantlyatMrs。Hilary。
  "Menandwomen,"saidshe,"whoareacquaintedwiththebestthathasbeensaidandthoughtonallimportantsubjects。"
  AtthetimeIbelievedthisobservationtobeoriginal,butI
  havesincebeentoldthatitwasborrowed。Iwasdelightedwithit。
  "Yes,"saidI,"andhavegotastakeinthecountry,youknow,andknowhowtobehaveemselvesintheHouse,don’tyouknow?"
  "Whatwehavetodo,"pursuedMissMilton,"istoguidethevoters。Thesepoorrusticsneedtobeinformed——"
  "Justso,"Ibrokein。"Theyhavetobetold——"
  "Oftherealnatureofthequestions——"
  "Andwhichcandidatetosupport。"
  "Ortheymustinfallibly"——sheexclaimed。
  "Gettheirmarchingorders,"Icried,inrapture。ItwasexactlywhatIalwaysdidonmysmallproperty。
  "Oh,Ididn’tquitemeanthat,"shesaidreproachfully。
  "Oh,well,neitherdidI——quite,"Irespondedadroitly。Whatwaswrongwiththegirlnow?
  "ButwiththehelpoftheLeague——"shewenton。
  "Doyoubelong?"Icried,moredelightedthanever。
  "O,yes,"saidshe。"Ithinkit’saduty。Iworkedveryhardatthelastelection。Ispentdaysdistributingpackagesof——"
  ThenImade,I’msorrytosay,afalsestep。Iobserved,interrupting:
  "Butit’sticklishworknow,eh?Sixmonths’’hard’wouldn’tbepleasant,wouldit?"
  "Whatdoyoumean,Mr。——erCarter?"sheasked。
  Iwasstillblind。IbelieveIwinked,andI’msureIwhispered,"Tea。"
  MissMiltondrewherselfupverystraight。
  "Idonotbribe,"shesaid。"WhatIdistributeispamphlets。"
  NowIsupposethat"pamphlets"and"blanketsdon’treallysoundmuchalike,butIwasagitated。
  "Quiteright,"saidI。"Pooroldthings!Theycan’taffordproperfuel。"
  Sherosetoherfeet。
  "Iwasnotjoking,"shesaidwithhorribleseverity。
  "NeitherwasI,"Ideclaredinhumbleapology。"Didn’tyousayblankets?’"
  "Pamphlets。"
  "Oh!"
  Therewasalongpause。IglancedatMrs。Hilary。Thingshadnotfallenoutashappilyastheymight,butIdidnotmeantogiveupyet。
  "Iseeyou’reright,"Isaid,stillhumbly。"TodescendtosuchmeansasIhadinmymindis——"
  "Tothrowawayourtrueweapons,"saidsheearnestly。(Shesatdownagain——goodsign。)
  "Whatwereallyneed——"Ibegan。
  "Isareformoftheupperclasses,"saidshe。
  "Letthemgiveanexampleofduty,ofself—denial,offrugality。"
  Iwasnottobecaughtoutagain。
  "JustwhatIalwayssay,"Iobserved,impressively。
  "Letthemputawaytheirhorseracing,theirbetting,theirluxuriousliving,their——"
  "You’reright,MissMilton,"saidI。
  "Letthemsetanexampleofmorality。"
  "Theyshould,"Iassented。
  MissMiltonsmiled。
  "Ithoughtweagreedreally,"saidshe。
  "I’msurewedo,"criedI;andIwinkedwithmy"off"eyeatMrs。
  HilaryasIsatdownbesideMissMilton。
  "NowIheardofamantheotherday,"saidshe,"who’snearly40。
  He’sgotanestateinthecountry。Henevergoesthere,exceptforafewdays’shooting。Helivesintown。Hespendstoomuch。
  Hepassesanabsolutelyvacantexistenceinaroundofemptygaiety。Hehasbynomeansagoodreputation。Hedanglesabout,wastinghistimeandhismoney。Isthatthesortofexample——?"
  "He’satraitortohisclass,"saidIwarmly。
  "Ifyouwanthim,youmustlookonaracecourse,oratatailor’s,orinsomefashionablewoman’sboudoir。Andhisestatelooksafteritself。He’stooselfishtomarry,tooidletowork,toosillytothink。"
  Ibegantobesorryforthisman,inspiteofhispeccadilloes。
  "IwonderifI’vemethim,"saidI。"I’moccasionallyintown,whenIcangettimetorunup。What’shisname?"
  "Idon’tthinkIheard——orI’veforgotten。Buthe’sgottheplacenexttoafriendofmineinthecountry,andshetoldmeallabouthim。She’sexactlytheoppositesortofperson——orshewouldn’tbemyfriend。"
  "Ishouldthinknot,MissMilton,"saidIadmiringly。
  "Oh,Ishouldliketomeetthatman,andtellhimwhatIthinkofhim!"saidshe。"Suchmenashedomoreharmthanadozenagitators。Socontemptible,too!"
  "It’srevoltingtothinkof,"saidI。
  "I’msogladyou——"beganMissMilton,quiteconfidentially;I
  pulledmychairatriflecloser,andcastanapparentlycarelessglancetowardsMrs。Hilary。SuddenlyIheardavoicebehindme。
  "Eh,what?Uponmyhonoritis!Why,Carter,myboy,howareyou?Eh,what?MissMilton,too,Ideclare!Well,now,whatapityAnniedidn’tcome!"
  Idisagreed。IhateAnnie。ButIwasverygladtoseemyfriendandneighbor,RobertDinnerly。He’sasensibleman——hiswife’salittleprig。
  "Oh,Mr。Dinnerly,"criedMissMilton,"howfunnythatyoushouldcomejustnow?IwasjusttryingtorememberthenameofamanMrs。Dinnerlytoldmeabout。IwastellingMr。Carterabouthim。
  Youknowhim。"
  "Well,MissMilton,perhapsIdo。Describehim。"
  "Idon’tbelieveAnnieevertoldmehisname,butshewastalkingabouthimatourhouseyesterday。"
  "ButIwasn’tthere,MissMilton。"
  "No,"saidMissMilton,"buthe’sgotthenextplacetoyoursinthecountry。"
  Ipositivelyleapedfrommyseat。
  "Why,goodgracious,Carterhimself,youmean?"criedDinnerly,laughing。"Well,thatisagoodun——ha—ha—ha!"
  Sheturnedastonyglareonme。
  "DoyoulivenexttoMr。Dinnerlyinthecountry?"sheasked。
  IwouldhavedenieditifDinnerlyhadnotbeenthere。Asitwas,Iblewmynose。
  "Iwonder,"saidMissMilton,"whathasbecomeofAuntEmily。"
  "MissMilton,"saidI,"byahappychanceyouhaveenjoyedaluxury。Youhavetoldthemanwhatyouthinkofhim。"
  "Yes,"saidshe;"andIhaveonlytoaddthatheisalsoahypocrite。"
  Pleasant,wasn’tit?YetMrs。Hilarysaysitwasmyfault。
  That’sawomanallover!
  THELITTLEWRETCH
  SeeingthatlittleJohnnyTompkinswassafelyoutofthecountry,underinjunctionstomakeanewmanofhimself,andtokeepthatnewman,whenmade,attheAntipodes,IcouldnotseeanythingindiscreetintouchingonthematterinthecourseofconversationwithMrs。HilaryMusgrave。Inpointoffact,Iwascurioustofindoutwhatsheknew,andsupposingsheknew,whatshethought。SoImentionedlittleJohnnyTompkins。
  "Oh,thelittlewretch!"criedMrs。Hilary。"Youknowhecameheretwoorthreetimes?AnybodycanimposeonHilary。"
  "HappywomanI——Imeanunhappyman,Mrs。Hilary。"
  "Andhowmuchwasithestole?"
  "Hardonathousand,"saidI。"Foratime,youknow,hewasquiteamanoffashion。"
  "Oh,Iknow。Hecamehereinhisownhansom,perfectlydressed,and——"
  "Behavedallright,didn’the?"
  "Yes。Ofcoursetherewasasomething。"
  "Oryouwouldn’thavebeendeceived!"saidI,withasmile。
  "Iwasn’tdeceived,"saidMrs。Hilary,anadmirableflushappearingonhercheeks。
  "Thatistosay,Hilarywouldn’t。"
  "Oh,Hilary!Whydidn’thisemployersprosecutehim,Mr。
  Carter?"
  "Inthefirstplace,hehadthatinestimableadvantageinacareerofdishonesty——respectablerelations。"
  "Well,butstill——"
  "Hiswidowedmotherwasatrump,youknow。"
  "Doyoumeanagoodwoman。"
  "Doubtlessshewas;butImeanagoodcard。However,therewasanotherreason。"
  "Ican’tseeany,"declaredMrs。Hilary。
  "I’mgoingtosurpriseyou,"saidI。"Hilaryintercededforhim。"
  "Hilary?"
  "Youdidn’tknowit?Ithoughtnot。Well,hedid。"
  "Why,healwayspretendedtowanthimtobeconvicted。"
  "CunningHilary!"saidI。
  "Heusedtospeakmoststronglyagainsthim。"
  "Thatwashisguile,"saidI。
  "Oh,butwhyintheworld——?"shebegan;thenshepaused,andwentonagain:"ItwasnothingtodowithHilary。"
  "Hilarywentwithmetoseehim,youknow,whiletheyhadhimunderlockandkeyatthefirm’soffices。"
  "Didhe?Ineverheardthat。"
  "Andhewasmuchimpressedwithhisbearing。"
  "Well,Isuppose,Mr。Carter,thatifhewasreallypenitent——"
  "Neversawamanlesspenitent,"Iinterrupted。"Hegloriedinhiscrime;ifIrememberhisexactexpression,itwasthatthejamwasjollywellworththepowder,andiftheylikedtosendhimtochokeetheycouldandbe——andsufferaccordingly,youknow。"
  "Andafterthat,Hilary——!"
  "Oh,anybodycanimposeonHilary,youknow。Hilaryonlyaskedwhatthejamwas。"
  "It’sahorridexpression,butIsupposeitmeantactingthepartofagentleman,didn’tit?"
  "Notentirely。AccordingtowhathetoldHilary,Johnnywasinlove。"
  "Oh,andhestoleforsomewretched——?"
  "Nowdobecareful。Whatdoyouknowaboutthelady?"
  "Thelady!IcanimagineJohnnyTompkin’s’sideal?"
  "SocanI,ifyoucometothat。"
  "Andshemusthaveknownhismoneywasn’thisown。"
  "Whymustshe?"Iasked。"AccordingtowhathetoldHilary,shedidn’t。"
  "Idon’tbelieveit,"saidMrs。Hilary,withdecision。
  "Hilarybelievedit!"
  "Oh,Hilary!"
  "But,thenHilaryknewthegirl。"
  "Hilaryknew——!YoumeantosayHilaryknew——?
  "Noonebetter,"saidIcomposedly。