Suddenly，atthebottomofthebowlappearedalittlebrownspot，nobiggerthanatinyseed.However，itwasmoving.Itwasaflea！Firsttherewerecriesofastonishmentandthenshoutsoflaughter.Aflea！
Well，thatwasagoodjoke，amightygoodone！Caniveauwasslappinghisthigh，CesaireHorlavillesnappedhiswhip，thepriestlaughedlikeabrayingdonkey，theteachercackledasthoughheweresneezing，andthetwowomenweregivinglittlescreamsofjoy，likethecluckingofhens.
Belhommehadseatedhimselfonthetableandhadtakenthebowlbetweenhisknees;hewasobserving，withseriousattentionandavengefulangerinhiseye，theconqueredinsectwhichwastwistingroundinthewater.
Hegrunted，"Yourottenlittlebeast！"andhespatonit.
Thedriver，wildwithjoy，keptrepeating："Aflea，aflea，ah！thereyouare，damnedlittleflea，damnedlittleflea，damnedlittleflea！"Thenhavingcalmeddownalittle，hecried："Well，backtothecoach！We’velostenoughtime."
DISCOVERY
Thesteamerwascrowdedwithpeopleandthecrossingpromisedtobegood.
IwasgoingfromHavretoTrouville.
Theropeswerethrownoff，thewhistleblewforthelasttime，thewholeboatstartedtotremble，andthegreatwheelsbegantorevolve，slowlyatfirst，andthenwithever—increasingrapidity.
Wewereglidingalongthepier，blackwithpeople.Thoseonboardwerewavingtheirhandkerchiefs，asthoughtheywereleavingforAmerica，andtheirfriendsonshorewereansweringinthesamemanner.
ThebigJulysunwasshiningdownontheredparasols，thelightdresses，thejoyousfacesandontheocean，barelystirredbyaripple.Whenwewereoutoftheharbor，thelittlevesselswungroundthebigcurveandpointedhernosetowardthedistantshorewhichwasbarelyvisiblethroughtheearlymorningmist.OnourleftwasthebroadestuaryoftheSeine，hermuddywater，whichnevermingleswiththatoftheocean，makinglargeyellowstreaksclearlyoutlinedagainsttheimmensesheetofthepuregreensea.
AssoonasIamonaboatIfeeltheneedofwalkingtoandfro，likeasailoronwatch.Why？Idonotknow.ThereforeIbegantothreadmywayalongthedeckthroughthecrowdoftravellers.SuddenlyIheardmynamecalled.Iturnedaround.Ibeheldoneofmyoldfriends，HenriSidoine，whomIhadnotseenfortenyears.
Weshookhandsandcontinuedourwalktogether，talkingofonethingoranother.SuddenlySidoine，whohadbeenobservingthecrowdofpassengers，criedoutangrily：
"It’sdisgusting，theboatisfullofEnglishpeople！"
Itwasindeedfullofthem.Themenwerestandingabout，lookingovertheoceanwithanall—importantair，asthoughtosay："WearetheEnglish，thelordsofthesea！Hereweare！"
Theyounggirls，formless，withshoeswhichremindedoneofthenavalconstructionsoftheirfatherland，wrappedinmulti—coloredshawls，weresmilingvacantlyatthemagnificentscenery.Theirsmallheads，plantedatthetopoftheirlongbodies，woreEnglishhatsofthestrangestbuild.
Andtheoldmaids，thinneryet，openingtheircharacteristicjawstothewind，seemedtothreatenonewiththeirlong，yellowteeth.Onpassingthem，onecouldnoticethesmellofrubberandoftoothwash.
Sidoinerepeated，withgrowinganger：
"Disgusting！CanweneverstoptheircomingtoFrance？"
Iasked，smiling：
"Whathaveyougotagainstthem？AsfarasIamconcerned，theydon’tworryme."
Hesnappedout：
"Ofcoursetheydon’tworryyou！ButImarriedoneofthem."
Istoppedandlaughedathim.
"Goaheadandtellmeaboutit.Doesshemakeyouveryunhappy？"
Heshruggedhisshoulders.
"No，notexactly."
"Thenshe——isnottruetoyou？"
"Unfortunately，sheis.Thatwouldbecauseforadivorce，andIcouldgetridofher."
"ThenI’mafraidIdon’tunderstand！"
"Youdon’tunderstand？I’mnotsurprised.Well，shesimplylearnedhowtospeakFrench——that’sall！Listen.
"Ididn’thavetheleastdesireofgettingmarriedwhenIwenttospendthesummeratEtretattwoyearsago.Thereisnothingmoredangerousthanwatering—places.Youhavenoideahowitsuitsyounggirls.Parisistheplaceforwomenandthecountryforyounggirls.
"Donkeyrides，surf—bathing，breakfastonthegrass，allthesethingsaretrapssetforthemarriageableman.And，really，thereisnothingprettierthanachildabouteighteen，runningthroughafieldorpickingflowersalongtheroad.
"ImadetheacquaintanceofanEnglishfamilywhowerestoppingatthesamehotelwhereIwas.Thefatherlookedlikethosemenyouseeoverthere，andthemotherwaslikeallotherEnglishwomen.
"Theyhadtwosons，thekindofboyswhoplayroughgameswithballs，batsorracketsfrommorningtillnight;thencametwodaughters，theelderadry，shrivelled—upEnglishwoman，theyoungeradreamofbeauty，aheavenlyblonde.Whenthosechitsmakeuptheirmindstobepretty，theyaredivine.Thisonehadblueeyes，thekindofbluewhichseemstocontainallthepoetry，allthedreams，allthehopesandhappinessoftheworld！
"Whataninfinityofdreamsiscausedbytwosucheyes！Howwelltheyanswerthedim，eternalquestionofourheart！
"ItmustnotbeforgotteneitherthatweFrenchmenadoreforeignwomen.
AssoonaswemeetaRussian，anItalian，aSwede，aSpaniard，oranEnglishwomanwithaprettyface，weimmediatelyfallinlovewithher.
Weenthuseovereverythingwhichcomesfromoutside——clothes，hats，gloves，gunsand——women.Butwhatablunder！
"Ibelievethatthatwhichpleasesusinforeignwomenistheiraccent.
Assoonasawomanspeaksourlanguagebadlywethinksheischarming，ifsheusesthewrongwordsheisexquisiteandifshejabbersinanentirelyunintelligiblejargon，shebecomesirresistible.
"MylittleEnglishgirl，Kate，spokealanguagetobemarvelledat.
AtthebeginningIcouldunderstandnothing，sheinventedsomanynewwords;thenIfellabsolutelyinlovewiththisqueer，amusingdialect.
Allmaimed，strange，ridiculoustermsbecamedelightfulinhermouth.
Everyevening，ontheterraceoftheCasino，wehadlongconversationswhichresembledspokenenigmas.
"Imarriedher！Ilovedherwildly，asonecanonlyloveinadream.
Fortrueloversonlyloveadreamwhichhastakentheformofawoman.
"Well，mydearfellow，themostfoolishthingIeverdidwastogivemywifeaFrenchteacher.AslongassheslaughteredthedictionaryandtorturedthegrammarIadoredher.Ourconversationsweresimple.Theyrevealedtomehersurprisinggracefulnessandmatchlesselegance;theyshowedhertomeasawonderfulspeakingjewel，alivingdollmadetobekissed，knowing，afterafashion，howtoexpresswhatsheloved.Sheremindedmeoftheprettylittletoyswhichsay’papa’and’mamma’whenyoupullastring.
"Nowshetalks——badly——verybadly.Shemakesasmanymistakesasever——
butIcanunderstandher.
"Ihaveopenedmydolltolookinside——andIhaveseen.AndnowIhavetotalktoher！
"Ah！youdon’tknow，asIdo，theopinions，theideas，thetheoriesofawell—educatedyoungEnglishgirl，whomIcanblameinnothing，andwhorepeatstomefrommorningtillnightsentencesfromaFrenchreaderpreparedinEnglandfortheuseofyoungladies’schools.
"Youhaveseenthosecotillonfavors，thoseprettygiltpapers，whichenclosecandieswithanabominabletaste.Ihaveoneofthem.Itoreitopen.IwishedtoeatwhatwasinsideanditdisgustedmesothatIfeelnauseatedatseeinghercompatriots.
"IhavemarriedaparrottowhomsomeoldEnglishgovernessmighthavetaughtFrench.Doyouunderstand？"
TheharborofTrouvillewasnowshowingitswoodenpierscoveredwithpeople.
Isaid：
"Whereisyourwife？"
Heanswered：
"ItookherbacktoEtretat."
"Andyou，whereareyougoing？"
"I？Oh，IamgoingtorestuphereatTrouville."
Then，afterapause，headded：
"Youhavenoideawhatafoolawomancanbeattimes！"
THEACCURSEDBREAD
DaddyTaillehadthreedaughters：Anna，theeldest，whowasscarcelyevermentionedinthefamily;Rose，thesecondgirl，whowaseighteen，andClara，theyoungest，whowasagirloffifteen.
OldTaillewasawidowerandaforemaninM.Lebrument’sbuttonmanufactory.Hewasaveryuprightman，verywellthoughtof，abstemious;infact，asortofmodelworkman.HelivedatHavre，intheRued’Angouleme.
WhenAnnaranawayfromhometheoldmanflewintoafearfulrage.
Hethreatenedtokilltheheadclerkinalargedraper’sestablishmentinthattown，whomhesuspected.Afteratime，whenhewastoldbyvariouspeoplethatshewasverysteadyandinvestingmoneyingovernmentsecurities，thatshewasnogadabout，butwasagreatfriendofMonsieurDubois，whowasajudgeoftheTribunalofCommerce，thefatherwasappeased.
Heevenshowedsomeanxietyastohowshewasgettingon，andaskedsomeofheroldfriendswhohadbeentoseeher，andwhentoldthatshehadherownfurniture，andthathermantelpiecewascoveredwithvasesandthewallswithpictures，thattherewereclocksandcarpetseverywhere，hegaveabroadcontentedsmile.Hehadbeenworkingforthirtyyearstogettogetherawretchedfiveorsixthousandfrancs.Thisgirlwasevidentlynofool.
OnefinemorningthesonofTouchard，thecooper，attheotherendofthestreet，cameandaskedhimforthehandofRose，thesecondgirl.Theoldman’sheartbegantobeat，fortheTouchardswererichandinagoodposition.Hewasdecidedlyluckywithhisgirls.
Themarriagewasagreedupon，anditwassettledthatitshouldbeagrandaffair，andtheweddingdinnerwastobeheldatSainte—Adresse，atMotherJusa’srestaurant.Itwouldcostalotcertainly，butnevermind，itdidnotmatterjustforonceinaway.
Butonemorning，justastheoldmanwasgoinghometoluncheonwithhistwodaughters，thedooropenedsuddenly，andAnnaappeared.Shewaswelldressedandlookedundeniablyprettyandnice.Shethrewherarmsroundherfather’sneckbeforehecouldsayaword，thenfellintohersisters’
armswithmanytearsandthenaskedforaplate，sothatshemightsharethefamilysoup.Taillewasmovedtotearsinhisturnandsaidseveraltimes：
"Thatisright，dear，thatisright."
Thenshetoldthemaboutherself.ShedidnotwishRose’sweddingtotakeplaceatSainte—Adresse——certainlynot.Itshouldtakeplaceatherhouseandwouldcostherfathernothing.Shehadsettledeverythingandarrangedeverything，soitwas"nogoodtosayanymoreaboutit——there！"
"Verywell，mydear！verywell！"theoldmansaid;"wewillleaveitso."Butthenhefeltsomedoubt.WouldtheTouchardsconsent？ButRose，thebride—elect，wassurprisedandasked："Whyshouldtheyobject，Ishouldliketoknow？Justleavethattome;IwilltalktoPhilipaboutit."
Shementionedittoherlovertheverysameday，andhedeclareditwouldsuithimexactly.FatherandMotherTouchardwerenaturallydelightedattheideaofagooddinnerwhichwouldcostthemnothingandsaid：
"Youmaybequitesurethateverythingwillbeinfirst—ratestyle."
Theyaskedtobeallowedtobringafriend，MadameFlorence，thecookonthefirstfloor，andAnnaagreedtoeverything.
TheweddingwasfixedforthelastTuesdayofthemonth.
AfterthecivilformalitiesandthereligiousceremonytheweddingpartywenttoAnna’shouse.AmongthosewhomtheTailleshadbroughtwasacousinofacertainage，aMonsieurSauvetanin，amangiventophilosophicalreflections，serious，andalwaysveryself—possessed，andMadameLamondois，anoldaunt.
MonsieurSautevaninhadbeentoldofftogiveAnnahisarm，astheywerelookeduponasthetwomostimportantpersonsinthecompany.
AssoonastheyhadarrivedatthedoorofAnna’shousesheletgohercompanion’sarm，andranonahead，saying："Iwillshowyoutheway，"andranupstairswhiletheinvitedguestsfollowedmoreslowly;and，whentheygotupstairs，shestoodononesidetoletthempass，andtheyrolledtheireyesandturnedtheirheadsinalldirectionstoadmirethismysteriousandluxuriousdwelling.
Thetablewaslaidinthedrawing—room，asthedining—roomhadbeenthoughttoosmall.Extraknives，forksandspoonshadbeenhiredfromaneighboringrestaurant，anddecantersstoodfullofwineundertheraysofthesunwhichshoneinthroughthewindow.
Theladieswentintothebedroomtotakeofftheirshawlsandbonnets，andFatherTouchard，whowasstandingatthedoor，madefunnyandsuggestivesignstothemen，withmanyawinkandnod.DaddyTaille，whothoughtagreatdealofhimself，lookedwithfatherlyprideathischild’swell—furnishedroomsandwentfromonetotheother，holdinghishatinhishand，makingamentalinventoryofeverything，andwalkinglikeavergerinachurch.
Annawentbackwardandforward，ranaboutgivingordersandhurryingontheweddingfeast.Soonsheappearedatthedoorofthedining—roomandcried："Comehere，allofyou，foramoment，"andasthetwelveguestsenteredtheroomtheysawtwelveglassesofMadeiraonasmalltable.
Roseandherhusbandhadtheirarmsroundeachother’swaistsandwerekissingeachotherineverycorner.MonsieurSauvetaninnevertookhiseyesoffAnna.
Theysatdown，andtheweddingbreakfastbegan，therelationssittingatoneendofthetableandtheyoungpeopleattheother.MadameTouchard，themother，presidedontherightandthebrideontheleft.Annalookedaftereverybody，sawthattheglasseswerekeptfilledandtheplateswellsupplied.Theguestsevidentlyfeltacertainrespectfulembarrassmentatthesightofallthesumptuousnessoftheroomsandatthelavishmannerinwhichtheyweretreated.Theyallateheartilyofthegoodthingsprovided，buttherewerenojokessuchasareprevalent.
atweddingsofthatsort;itwasalltoogrand，anditmadethemfeeluncomfortable.OldMadameTouchard，whowasfondofabitoffun，triedtoenlivenmattersalittle，andatthebeginningofthedessertsheexclaimed："Isay，Philip，dosingussomething."TheneighborsintheirstreetconsideredthathehadthefinestvoiceinallHavre.
Thebridegroomgotup，smiled，and，turningtohissister—in—law，frompolitenessandgallantry，triedtothinkofsomethingsuitablefortheoccasion，somethingseriousandcorrect，toharmonizewiththeseriousnessoftherepast.
Annahadasatisfiedlookonherface，andleanedbackinherchairtolisten，andallassumedlooksofattention，thoughpreparedtosmileshouldsmileshecalledfor.
Thesingerannounced"TheAccursedBread，"and，extendinghisrightarm，whichmadehiscoatruckupintohisneck，hebegan.
Itwasdecidedlylong，threeversesofeightlineseach，withthelastlineandthelastbutonerepeatedtwice.
Allwentwellforthefirsttwoverses;theyweretheusualcommonplacesaboutbreadgainedbyhonestlaborandbydishonesty.Theauntandthebrideweptoutright.Thecook，whowaspresent，attheendofthefirstverselookedatarollwhichsheheldinherhand，withstreamingeyes，asifitappliedtoher，whileallapplaudedvigorously.Attheendofthesecondversethetwoservants，whowerestandingwiththeirbackstothewall，joinedloudlyinthechorus，andtheauntandthebrideweptoutright.
DaddyTailleblewhisnosewiththenoiseofatrombone，andoldTouchardbrandishedawholeloafhalfoverthetable，andthecookshedsilenttearsonthecrustwhichshewasstillholding.
AmidthegeneralemotionMonsieurSauvetaninsaid：
"Thatistherightsortofsong;verydifferentfromthenasty，riskythingsonegenerallyhearsatweddings."
Anna，whowasvisiblyaffected，kissedherhandtohersisterandpointedtoherhusbandwithanaffectionatenod，asiftocongratulateher.
Intoxicatedbyhissuccess，theyoungmancontinued，andunfortunatelythelastversecontainedwordsaboutthe"breadofdishonor"gainedbyyounggirlswhohadbeenledastray.Noonetookuptherefrainaboutthisbread，supposedtobeeatenwithtears，exceptoldTouchardandthetwoservants.Annahadgrowndeadlypaleandcastdownhereyes，whilethebridegroomlookedfromonetotheotherwithoutunderstandingthereasonforthissuddencoldness，andthecookhastilydroppedthecrustasifitwerepoisoned.
MonsieurSauvetaninsaidsolemnly，inordertosavethesituation："Thatlastcoupletisnotatallnecessary";andDaddyTaille，whohadgotreduptohisears，lookedroundthetablefiercely.
ThenAnna，hereyesswimmingintears，toldtheservantsinthefalteringvoiceofawomantryingtostiflehersobs，tobringthechampagne.
Alltheguestsweresuddenlyseizedwithexuberantjoy，andalltheirfacesbecameradiantagain.AndwhenoldTouchard，whohadseen，feltandunderstoodnothingofwhatwasgoingon，andpointingtotheguestssoastoemphasizehiswords，sangthelastwordsoftherefrain：
"Children，Iwarnyoualltoeatnotofthatbread，"thewholecompany，whentheysawthechampagnebottles，withtheirneckscoveredwithgoldfoil，appear，burstoutsinging，asifelectrifiedbythesight：
"Children，Iwarnyoualltoeatnotofthatbread."
THEDOWRY
ThemarriageofMaitreSimonLebrumentwithMademoiselleJeanneCordierwasasurprisetonoone.MaitreLebrumenthadboughtoutthepracticeofMaitrePapillon;naturally，hehadtohavemoneytopayforit;andMademoiselleJeanneCordierhadthreehundredthousandfrancsclearincurrency，andinbondspayabletobearer.
MaitreLebrumentwasahandsomeman.Hewasstylish，althoughinaprovincialway;but，nevertheless，hewasstylish——ararethingatBoutigny—le—Rebours.
MademoiselleCordierwasgracefulandfresh—looking，althoughatrifleawkward;nevertheless，shewasahandsomegirl，andonetobedesired.
ThemarriageceremonyturnedallBoutignytopsy—turvy.Everybodyadmiredtheyoungcouple，whoquicklyreturnedhometodomesticfelicity，havingdecidedsimplytotakeashorttriptoParis，afterafewdaysofretirement.
Thistete—a—tetewasdelightful，MaitreLebrumenthavingshownjusttheproperamountofdelicacy.Hehadtakenashismotto："Everythingcomestohimwhowaits."Heknewhowtobeatthesametimepatientandenergetic.Hissuccesswasrapidandcomplete.
Afterfourdays，MadameLebrumentadoredherhusband.Shecouldnotgetalongwithouthim.Shewouldsitonhisknees，andtakinghimbytheearsshewouldsay："Openyourmouthandshutyoureyes."Hewouldopenhismouthwideandpartlyclosehiseyes，andhewouldtrytonipherfingersassheslippedsomedaintybetweenhisteeth.Thenshewouldgivehimakiss，sweetandlong，whichwouldmakechillsrunupanddownhisspine.Andthen，inhisturn，hewouldnothaveenoughcaressestopleasehiswifefrommorningtonightandfromnighttomorning.
Whenthefirstweekwasover，hesaidtohisyoungcompanion：
"Ifyouwish，wewillleaveforParisnextTuesday.Wewillbeliketwolovers，wewillgototherestaurants，thetheatres，theconcerthalls，everywhere，everywhere！"
Shewasreadytodanceforjoy.
"Oh！yes，yes.Letusgoassoonaspossible."
Hecontinued：
"Andthen，aswemustforgetnothing，askyourfathertohaveyourdowryready;IshallpayMaitrePapillononthistrip."
Sheanswered：
"Allright：Iwilltellhimto—morrowmorning."
Andhetookherinhisarmsoncemore，torenewthosesweetgamesoflovewhichshehadsoenjoyedforthepastweek.
ThefollowingTuesday，father—in—lawandmother—in—lawwenttothestationwiththeirdaughterandtheirson—in—lawwhowereleavingforthecapital.
Thefather—in—lawsaid：
"Itellyouitisveryimprudenttocarrysomuchmoneyaboutinapocketbook."Andtheyounglawyersmiled.
"Don’tworry;Iamaccustomedtosuchthings.Youunderstandthat，inmyprofession，Isometimeshaveasmuchasamillionaboutme.Inthismanner，atleastweavoidagreatamountofredtapeanddelay.Youneedn’tworry."
Theconductorwascrying：
"AllaboardforParis！"
Theyscrambledintoacar，wheretwooldladieswerealreadyseated.
Lebrumentwhisperedintohiswife’sear：
"Whatabother！Iwon’tbeabletosmoke."
Sheansweredinalowvoice"Itannoysmetoo，butnotanaccountofyourcigar."
Thewhistleblewandthetrainstarted.Thetriplastedaboutanhour，duringwhichtimetheydidnotsayverymuchtoeachother，asthetwooldladiesdidnotgotosleep.
AssoonastheywereinfrontoftheSaint—LazareStation，MaitreLebrumentsaidtohiswife：
"Dearie，letusfirstgoovertotheBoulevardandgetsomethingtoeat;
thenwecanquietlyreturnandgetourtrunkandbringittothehotel."
Sheimmediatelyassented.
"Oh！yes.Let’seatattherestaurant.Isitfar？"
Heanswered：
"Yes，it’squiteadistance，butwewilltaketheomnibus."
Shewassurprised：
"Whydon’twetakeacab？"
Hebegantoscoldhersmilingly：
"Isthatthewayyousavemoney？Acabforafiveminutes’rideatsixcentsaminute！Youwoulddepriveyourselfofnothing."
"That’sso，"shesaid，alittleembarrassed.
Abigomnibuswaspassingby，drawnbythreebighorses，whichweretrottingalong.Lebrumentcalledout：
"Conductor！Conductor！"
Theheavycarriagestopped.Andtheyounglawyer，pushinghiswife，saidtoherquickly：
"Goinside;I’mgoingupontop，sothatImaysmokeatleastonecigarettebeforelunch."
Shehadnotimetoanswer.Theconductor，whohadseizedherbythearmtohelpherupthestep，pushedherinside，andshefellintoaseat，bewildered，lookingthroughthebackwindowatthefeetofherhusbandasheclimbeduptothetopofthevehicle.
Andshesattheremotionless，betweenafatmanwhosmelledofcheaptobaccoandanoldwomanwhosmelledofgarlic.
Alltheotherpassengerswerelinedupinsilence——agrocer’sboy，ayounggirl，asoldier，agentlemanwithgold—rimmedspectaclesandabigsilkhat，twoladieswithaself—satisfiedandcrabbedlook，whichseemedtosay："Weareridinginthisthing，butwedon’thaveto，"twosistersofcharityandanundertaker.Theylookedlikeacollectionofcaricatures.
Thejoltingofthewagonmadethemwagtheirheadsandtheshakingofthewheelsseemedtostupefythem——theyalllookedasthoughtheywereasleep.
Theyoungwomanremainedmotionless.
"Whydidn’thecomeinsidewithme？"shewassayingtoherself.Anunaccountablesadnessseemedtobehangingoverher.Hereallyneednothaveactedso.
Thesistersmotionedtotheconductortostop，andtheygotoffoneaftertheother，leavingintheirwakethepungentsmellofcamphor.Thebusstartedtipandsoonstoppedagain.Andingotacook，red—facedandoutofbreath.Shesatdownandplacedherbasketofprovisionsonherknees.Astrongodorofdish—waterfilledthevehicle.
"It’sfurtherthanIimagined，"thoughtJeanne.
Theundertakerwentout，andwasreplacedbyacoachmanwhoseemedtobringtheatmosphereofthestablewithhim.Theyounggirlhadasasuccessoramessenger，theodorofwhosefeetshowedthathewascontinuallywalking.
Thelawyer’swifebegantofeelillatease，nauseated，readytocrywithoutknowingwhy.
Otherpersonsleftandothersentered.Thestagewentonthroughinterminablestreets，stoppingatstationsandstartingagain.
"Howfaritis！"thoughtJeanne."Ihopehehasn’tgonetosleep！Hehasbeensotiredthelastfewdays."
Littlebylittleallthepassengersleft.Shewasleftalone，allalone.
Theconductorcried：
"Vaugirard！"
Seeingthatshedidnotmove，herepeated：
"Vaugirard！"
Shelookedathim，understandingthathewasspeakingtoher，astherewasnooneelsethere.Forthethirdtimethemansaid：
"Vaugirard！"
Thensheasked：
"Wherearewe？"
Heansweredgruffly：
"We’reatVaugirard，ofcourse！Ihavebeenyellingitforthelasthalfhour！"
"IsitfarfromtheBoulevard？"shesaid.
"Whichboulevard？"
"TheBoulevarddesItaliens."
"Wepassedthatalongtimeago！"
"Wouldyoumindtellingmyhusband？"
"Yourhusband！Whereishe？"
"Onthetopofthebus."
"Onthetop！Therehasn’tbeenanybodythereforalongtime."
Shestarted，terrified.
"What？That’simpossible！Hegotonwithme.Lookwell！Hemustbethere."
Theconductorwasbecominguncivil：
"Comeon，littleone，you’vetalkedenough！Youcanfindtenmenforeveryonethatyoulose.Nowrunalong.You’llfindanotheronesomewhere."
Tearswerecomingtohereyes.Sheinsisted：
"But，monsieur，youaremistaken;Iassureyouthatyoumustbemistaken.
Hehadabigportfoliounderhisarm."
Themanbegantolaugh：
"Abigportfolio！Oh，yes！HegotoffattheMadeleine.Hegotridofyou，allright！Ha！ha！ha！"
Thestagehadstopped.Shegotoutand，inspiteofherself，shelookedupinstinctivelytotheroofofthebus.Itwasabsolutelydeserted.
Thenshebegantocry，and，withoutthinkingthatanybodywaslisteningorwatchingher，shesaidoutloud：
"Whatisgoingtobecomeofme？"
Aninspectorapproached：
"What’sthematter？"
Theconductoranswered，inabanteringtoneofvoice：
"It’saladywhogotleftbyherhusbandduringthetrip."
Theothercontinued：
"Oh！that’snothing.Yougoaboutyourbusiness."
Thenheturnedonhisheelsandwalkedaway.
Shebegantowalkstraightahead，toobewildered，toocrazedeventounderstandwhathadhappenedtoher.Wherewasshetogo？Whatcouldshedo？Whatcouldhavehappenedtohim？Howcouldhehavemadesuchamistake？Howcouldhehavebeensoforgetful？
Shehadtwofrancsinherpocket.Towhomcouldshego？SuddenlysherememberedhercousinBarral，oneoftheassistantsintheofficesoftheMinistryoftheNavy.
Shehadjustenoughtopayforacab.Shedrovetohishouse.Hemetherjustashewasleavingforhisoffice.Hewascarryingalargeportfoliounderhisarm，justlikeLebrument.
Shejumpedoutofthecarriage.
"Henry！"shecried.
Hestopped，astonished：
"Jeanne！Here——allalone！Whatareyoudoing？Wherehaveyoucomefrom？"
Hereyesfulloftears，shestammered：
"Myhusbandhasjustgotlost！"
"Lost！Where？"
"Onanomnibus."
"Onanomnibus？"
Weeping，shetoldhimherwholeadventure.
Helistened，thought，andthenasked：
"Washismindclearthismorning？"
"Yes."
"Good.Didhehavemuchmoneywithhim？"
"Yes，hewascarryingmydowry."
"Yourdowry！Thewholeofit？"
"Thewholeofit——inordertopayforthepracticewhichhebought."
"Well，mydearcousin，bythistimeyourhusbandmustbewellonhiswaytoBelgium."
Shecouldnotunderstand.Shekeptrepeating：
"Myhusband——yousay——"
"Isaythathehasdisappearedwithyour——yourcapital——that’sall！"
Shestoodthere，apreytoconflictingemotions，sobbing.
"Thenheis——heis——heisavillain！"
And，faintfromexcitement，sheleanedherheadonhercousin’sshoulderandwept.
Aspeoplewerestoppingtolookatthem，hepushedhergentlyintothevestibuleofhishouse，and，supportingherwithhisarmaroundherwaist，heledherupthestairs，andashisastonishedservantopenedthedoor，heordered：
"Sophie，runtotherestaurantandgetaluncheonfortwo.Iamnotgoingtotheofficeto—day."
THEDIARYOFAMADMAN
Hewasdead——theheadofahightribunal，theuprightmagistratewhoseirreproachablelifewasaproverbinallthecourtsofFrance.
Advocates，youngcounsellors，judgeshadgreetedhimatsightofhislarge，thin，palefacelightedupbytwosparklingdeep—seteyes，bowinglowintokenofrespect.
Hehadpassedhislifeinpursuingcrimeandinprotectingtheweak.
Swindlersandmurderershadnomoreredoubtableenemy，forheseemedtoreadthemostsecretthoughtsoftheirminds.
Hewasdead，now，attheageofeighty—two，honoredbythehomageandfollowedbytheregretsofawholepeople.Soldiersinredtrousershadescortedhimtothetombandmeninwhitecravatshadspokenwordsandshedtearsthatseemedtobesincerebesidehisgrave.
Buthereisthestrangepaperfoundbythedismayednotaryinthedeskwherehehadkepttherecordsofgreatcriminals！Itwasentitled：
WHY？
20thJune，1851.Ihavejustleftcourt.IhavecondemnedBlondeltodeath！Now，whydidthismankillhisfivechildren？Frequentlyonemeetswithpeopletowhomthedestructionoflifeisapleasure.Yes，yes，itshouldbeapleasure，thegreatestofall，perhaps，forisnotkillingthenextthingtocreating？Tomakeandtodestroy！Thesetwowordscontainthehistoryoftheuniverse，allthehistoryofworlds，allthatis，all！Whyisitnotintoxicatingtokill？
25thJune.Tothinkthatabeingistherewholives，whowalks，whoruns.Abeing？Whatisabeing？Thatanimatedthing，thatbearsinittheprincipleofmotionandawillrulingthatmotion.Itisattachedtonothing，thisthing.Itsfeetdonotbelongtotheground.Itisagrainoflifethatmovesontheearth，andthisgrainoflife，comingI
knownotwhence，onecandestroyatone’swill.Thennothing——nothingmore.Itperishes，itisfinished.
26thJune.Whythenisitacrimetokill？Yes，why？Onthecontrary，itisthelawofnature.Themissionofeverybeingistokill;hekillstolive，andhekillstokill.Thebeastkillswithoutceasing，allday，everyinstantofhisexistence.Mankillswithoutceasing，tonourishhimself;butsinceheneeds，besides，tokillforpleasure，hehasinventedhunting！Thechildkillstheinsectshefinds，thelittlebirds，allthelittleanimalsthatcomeinhisway.Butthisdoesnotsufficefortheirresistibleneedtomassacrethatisinus.Itisnotenoughtokillbeasts;wemustkillmantoo.Longagothisneedwassatisfiedbyhumansacrifices.Nowtherequirementsofsociallifehavemademurderacrime.Wecondemnandpunishtheassassin！Butaswecannotlivewithoutyieldingtothisnaturalandimperiousinstinctofdeath，werelieveourselves，fromtimetotime，bywars.Thenawholenationslaughtersanothernation.Itisafeastofblood，afeastthatmaddensarmiesandthatintoxicatescivilians，womenandchildren，whoread，bylamplightatnight，thefeverishstoryofmassacre.
Onemightsupposethatthosedestinedtoaccomplishthesebutcheriesofmenwouldbedespised！No，theyareloadedwithhonors.Theyarecladingoldandinresplendentgarments;theywearplumesontheirheadsandornamentsontheirbreasts，andtheyaregivencrosses，rewards，titlesofeverykind.Theyareproud，respected，lovedbywomen，cheeredbythecrowd，solelybecausetheirmissionistoshedhumanblood;Theydragthroughthestreetstheirinstrumentsofdeath，thatthepasser—by，cladinblack，looksonwithenvy.Fortokillisthegreatlawsetbynatureintheheartofexistence！Thereisnothingmorebeautifulandhonorablethankilling！
30thJune.Tokillisthelaw，becausenatureloveseternalyouth.Sheseemstocryinallherunconsciousacts："Quick！quick！quick！"Themoreshedestroys，themoresherenewsherself.
2dJuly.Ahumanbeing——whatisahumanbeing？Throughthoughtitisareflectionofallthatis;throughmemoryandscienceitisanabridgededitionoftheuniversewhosehistoryitrepresents，amirrorofthingsandofnations，eachhumanbeingbecomesamicrocosminthemacrocosm.
3dJuly.Itmustbeapleasure，uniqueandfullofzest，tokill;tohavetherebeforeonetheliving，thinkingbeing;tomakethereinalittlehole，nothingbutalittlehole，toseethatredthingflowwhichistheblood，whichmakeslife;andtohavebeforeoneonlyaheapoflimpflesh，cold，inert，voidofthought！
5thAugust.I，whohavepassedmylifeinjudging，condemning，killingbythespokenword，killingbytheguillotinethosewhohadkilledbytheknife，I，I，ifIshoulddoasalltheassassinshavedonewhomIhavesmitten，I——I——whowouldknowit？
l0thAugust.Whowouldeverknow？Whowouldeversuspectme，me，me，especiallyifIshouldchooseabeingIhadnointerestindoingawaywith？
15thAugust.Thetemptationhascometome.Itpervadesmywholebeing;
myhandstremblewiththedesiretokill.
22dAugust.Icouldresistnolonger.Ikilledalittlecreatureasanexperiment，forabeginning.Jean，myservant，hadagoldfinchinacagehungintheofficewindow.Isenthimonanerrand，andItookthelittlebirdinmyhand，inmyhandwhereIfeltitsheartbeat.Itwaswarm.Iwentuptomyroom.FromtimetotimeIsqueezedittighter;
itsheartbeatfaster;thiswasatrociousanddelicious.Iwasnearchokingit.ButIcouldnotseetheblood.
ThenItookscissors，short—nailscissors，andIcutitsthroatwiththreeslits，quitegently.Itopeneditsbill，itstruggledtoescapeme，butIheldit，oh！Iheldit——Icouldhaveheldamaddog——andIsawthebloodtrickle.
AndthenIdidasassassinsdo——realones.Iwashedthescissors，I
washedmyhands.Isprinkledwaterandtookthebody，thecorpse，tothegardentohideit.Iburieditunderastrawberry—plant.Itwillneverbefound.EverydayIshalleatastrawberryfromthatplant.Howonecanenjoylifewhenoneknowshow！
Myservantcried;hethoughthisbirdflown.Howcouldhesuspectme？
Ah！ah！
25thAugust.Imustkillaman！Imust————
30thAugust.Itisdone.Butwhatalittlething！IhadgoneforawalkintheforestofVernes.Iwasthinkingofnothing，literallynothing.Achildwasintheroad，alittlechildeatingasliceofbreadandbutter.
Hestopstoseemepassandsays，"Good—day，Mr.President."
Andthethoughtentersmyhead，"ShallIkillhim？"
Ianswer："Youarealone，myboy？"
"Yes，sir."
"Allaloneinthewood？"
"Yes，sir."
Thewishtokillhimintoxicatedmelikewine.Iapproachedhimquitesoftly，persuadedthathewasgoingtorunaway.And，suddenly，Iseizedhimbythethroat.Helookedatmewithterrorinhiseyes——sucheyes！
Heheldmywristsinhislittlehandsandhisbodywrithedlikeafeatheroverthefire.Thenhemovednomore.Ithrewthebodyintheditch，andsomeweedsontopofit.Ireturnedhome，anddinedwell.Whatalittlethingitwas！IntheeveningIwasverygay，light，rejuvenated;
IpassedtheeveningatthePrefect’s.Theyfoundmewitty.ButIhavenotseenblood！Iamtranquil.
31stAugust.Thebodyhasbeendiscovered.Theyarehuntingfortheassassin.Ah！ah！
1stSeptember.Twotrampshavebeenarrested.Proofsarelacking.
2dSeptember.Theparentshavebeentoseeme.Theywept！Ah！ah！
6thOctober.Nothinghasbeendiscovered.Somestrollingvagabondmusthavedonethedeed.Ah！ah！IfIhadseenthebloodflow，itseemstomeIshouldbetranquilnow！Thedesiretokillisinmyblood;itislikethepassionofyouthattwenty.
20thOctober.Yetanother.Iwaswalkingbytheriver，afterbreakfast.
AndIsaw，underawillow，afishermanasleep.Itwasnoon.Aspadewasstandinginapotato—fieldnearby，asifexpressly，forme.
Itookit.Ireturned;Iraiseditlikeaclub，andwithoneblowoftheedgeIcleftthefisherman’shead.Oh！hebled，thisone！Rose—coloredblood.Itflowedintothewater，quitegently.AndIwentawaywithagravestep.IfIhadbeenseen！Ah！ah！Ishouldhavemadeanexcellentassassin.
25thOctober.Theaffairofthefishermanmakesagreatstir.Hisnephew，whofishedwithhim，ischargedwiththemurder.
26thOctober.Theexaminingmagistrateaffirmsthatthenephewisguilty.Everybodyintownbelievesit.Ah！ah！
27thOctober.Thenephewmakesaverypoorwitness.Hehadgonetothevillagetobuybreadandcheese，hedeclared.Hesworethathisunclehadbeenkilledinhisabsence！Whowouldbelievehim？
28thOctober.Thenephewhasallbutconfessed，theyhavebadgeredhimso.Ah！ah！justice！
15thNovember.Thereareoverwhelmingproofsagainstthenephew，whowashisuncle’sheir.Ishallpresideatthesessions.
25thJanuary.Todeath！todeath！todeath！Ihavehadhimcondemnedtodeath！Ah！ah！Theadvocate—generalspokelikeanangel！Ah！ah！Yetanother！Ishallgotoseehimexecuted！
10thMarch.Itisdone.Theyguillotinedhimthismorning.Hediedverywell！verywell！Thatgavemepleasure！Howfineitistoseeaman’sheadcutoffNow，Ishallwait，Icanwait.Itwouldtakesuchalittlethingtoletmyselfbecaught.
Themanuscriptcontainedyetotherpages，butwithoutrelatinganynewcrime.
Alienistphysicianstowhomtheawfulstoryhasbeensubmitteddeclarethatthereareintheworldmanyundiscoveredmadmenasadroitandasmuchtobefearedasthismonstrouslunatic.
THEMASK
TherewasamasqueradeballattheElysee—Montmartrethatevening.Itwasthe’Mi—Careme’，andthecrowdswerepouringintothebrightlylightedpassagewhichleadstothedanceball，likewaterflowingthroughtheopenlockofacanal.Theloudcalloftheorchestra，burstinglikeastormofsound，shooktherafters，swelledthroughthewholeneighborhoodandawoke，inthestreetsandinthedepthsofthehouses，anirresistibledesiretojump，togetwarm，tohavefun，whichslumberswithineachhumananimal.
ThepatronscamefromeveryquarterofParis;therewerepeopleofallclasseswholovenoisypleasures，alittlelowandtingedwithdebauch.
Therewereclerksandgirls——girlsofeverydescription，somewearingcommoncotton，somethefinestbatiste;richgirls，oldandcoveredwithdiamonds，andpoorgirlsofsixteen，fullofthedesiretorevel，tobelongtomen，tospendmoney.Elegantblackeveningsuits，insearchoffreshorfadedbutappetizingnovelty，wanderingthroughtheexcitedcrowds，looking，searching，whilethemasqueradersseemedmovedaboveallbythedesireforamusement.Alreadythefar—famedquadrilleshadattractedaroundthemacuriouscrowd.Themovinghedgewhichencircledthefourdancersswayedinandoutlikeasnake，sometimesnearerandsometimesfartheraway，accordingtothemotionsoftheperformers.Thetwowomen，whoselowerlimbsseemedtobeattachedtotheirbodiesbyrubbersprings，weremakingwonderfulandsurprisingmotionswiththeirlegs.Theirpartnershoppedandskippedabout，wavingtheirarmsabout.
Onecouldimaginetheirpantingbreathbeneaththeirmasks.
Oneofthem，whohadtakenhisplaceinthemostfamousquadrille，assubstituteforanabsentcelebrity，thehandsome"Songe—au—Gosse，"wastryingtokeepupwiththetireless"Arete—de—Veau"andwasmakingstrangefancystepswhicharousedthejoyandsarcasmoftheaudience.
Hewasthin，dressedlikeadandy，withaprettyvarnishedmaskonhisface.Ithadacurlyblondmustacheandawavywig.HelookedlikeawaxfigurefromtheMuseeGrevin，likeastrangeandfantasticcaricatureofthecharmingyoungmanoffashionplates，andhedancedwithvisibleeffort，clumsily，withacomicalimpetuosity.Heappearedrustybesidetheotherswhenhetriedtoimitatetheirgambols：heseemedovercomebyrheumatism，asheavyasagreatDaneplayingwithgreyhounds.Mockingbravosencouragedhim.Andhe，carriedawaywithenthusiasm，jiggedaboutwithsuchfrenzythatsuddenly，carriedawaybyawildspurt，hepitchedheadforemostintothelivingwallformedbytheaudience，whichopenedupbeforehimtoallowhimtopass，thenclosedaroundtheinanimatebodyofthedancer，stretchedoutonhisface.
Somemenpickedhimupandcarriedhimaway，callingforadoctor.A
gentlemansteppedforward，youngandelegant，inwell—fittingeveningclothes，withlargepearlstuds."IamaprofessoroftheFacultyofMedicine，"hesaidinamodestvoice.Hewasallowedtopass，andheenteredasmallroomfulloflittlecardboardboxes，wherethestilllifelessdancerhadbeenstretchedcutonsomechairs.Thedoctoratfirstwishedtotakeoffthemask，andhenoticedthatitwasattachedinacomplicatedmanner，withaperfectnetworkofsmallmetalwireswhichcleverlyboundittohiswigandcoveredthewholehead.Eventheneckwasimprisonedinafalseskinwhichcontinuedthechinandwaspaintedthecolorofflesh，beingattachedtothecollaroftheshirt.
Allthishadtobecutwithstrongscissors.Whenthephysicianhadslitopenthissurprisingarrangement，fromtheshouldertothetemple，heopenedthisarmorandfoundthefaceofanoldman，wornout，thinandwrinkled.Thesurpriseamongthosewhohadbroughtinthisseeminglyyoungdancerwassogreatthatnoonelaughed，noonesaidaword.
Allwerewatchingthissadfaceashelayonthestrawchairs，hiseyesclosed，hisfacecoveredwithwhitehair，somelong，fallingfromtheforeheadovertheface，othersshort，growingaroundthefaceandthechin，andbesidethispoorhead，thatprettylittle，neatvarnished，smilingmask.
Themanregainedconsciousnessafterbeinginanimateforalongtime，buthestillseemedtobesoweakandsickthatthephysicianfearedsomedangerouscomplication.Heasked："Wheredoyoulive？"
Theolddancerseemedtobemakinganefforttoremember，andthenhementionedthenameofthestreet，whichnooneknew.Hewasaskedformoredefiniteinformationabouttheneighborhood.Heansweredwithagreatslowness，indecisionanddifficulty，whichrevealedhisupsetstateofmind.Thephysiciancontinued：
"Iwilltakeyouhomemyself."
Curiosityhadovercomehimtofindoutwhothisstrangedancer，thisphenomenaljumpermightbe.SoonthetworolledawayinacabtotheothersideofMontmartre.
Theystoppedbeforeahighbuildingofpoorappearance.Theywentupawindingstaircase.Thedoctorheldtothebanister，whichwassogrimythatthehandstucktoit，andhesupportedthedizzyoldman，whoseforceswerebeginningtoreturn.Theystoppedatthefourthfloor.
Thedooratwhichtheyhadknockedwasopenedbyanoldwoman，neatlooking，withawhitenightcapenclosingathinfacewithsharpfeatures，oneofthosegood，roughfacesofahard—workingandfaithfulwoman.Shecriedout：
"Forgoodnesssake！What’sthematter？"
Hetoldherthewholeaffairinafewwords.Shebecamereassuredandevencalmedthephysicianhimselfbytellinghimthatthesamethinghadhappenedmanytimes.Shesaid："Hemustbeputtobed，monsieur，thatisall.Lethimsleepandtomorrowhewillbeallright."
Thedoctorcontinued："Buthecanhardlyspeak."
"Oh！that’sjustalittledrink，nothingmore;hehaseatennodinner，inordertobenimble，andthenhetookafewabsinthesinordertoworkhimselfuptotheproperpitch.Yousee，drinkgivesstrengthtohislegs，butitstopshisthoughtsandwords.Heistoooldtodanceashedoes.Really，hislackofcommonsenseisenoughtodriveonemad！"
Thedoctor，surprised，insisted：
"Butwhydoeshedancelikethatathisage？"
Sheshruggedhershouldersandturnedredfromtheangerwhichwasslowlyrisingwithinherandshecriedout：
"Ah！yes，why？Sothatthepeoplewillthinkhimyoungunderhismask;
sothatthewomenwillstilltakehimforayoungdandyandwhispernastythingsintohisears;sothathecanrubupagainstalltheirdirtyskins，withtheirperfumesandpowdersandcosmetics.Ah！it’safinebusiness！WhatalifeIhavehadforthelastfortyyears！Butwemustfirstgethimtobed，sothathemayhavenoilleffects.Wouldyoumindhelpingme？WhenheislikethatIcan’tdoanythingwithhimalone."
Theoldmanwassittingonhisbed，withatipsylook，hislongwhitehairfallingoverhisface.Hiscompanionlookedathimwithtenderyetindignanteyes.Shecontinued：
"Justseethefineheadhehasforhisage，andyethehastogoanddisguisehimselfinordertomakepeoplethinkthatheisyoung.It’saperfectshame！Really，hehasafinehead，monsieur！Wait，I’llshowittoyoubeforeputtinghimtobed."
Shewenttoatableonwhichstoodthewashbasinapitcherofwater，soapandacombandbrush.Shetookthebrush，returnedtothebedandpushedbackthedrunkard’stangledhair.Inafewsecondsshemadehimlooklikeamodelfitforagreatpainter，withhislongwhitelocksflowingonhisneck.Thenshesteppedbackinordertoobservehim，saying：
"There！Isn’thefineforhisage？"
"Very，"agreedthedoctor，whowasbeginningtobehighlyamused.
Sheadded："Andifyouhadknownhimwhenhewastwenty—five！Butwemustgethimtobed，otherwisethedrinkwillmakehimsick.Doyouminddrawingoffthatsleeve？Higher—likethat—that’sright.Nowthetrousers.Wait，Iwilltakehisshoesoff——that’sright.Now，holdhimuprightwhileIopenthebed.There——letusputhimin.Ifyouthinkthatheisgoingtodisturbhimselfwhenitistimeformetogetinyouaremistaken.IhavetofindalittlecorneranyplaceIcan.Thatdoesn’tbotherhim！Bah！Youoldpleasureseeker！"
Assoonashefelthimselfstretchedoutinhissheetstheoldmanclosedhiseyes，openedthemclosedthemagain，andoverhiswholefaceappearedanenergeticresolvetosleep.Thedoctorexaminedhimwithanever—
increasinginterestandasked："Doeshegotoallthefancyballsandtrytobeayoungman？""Toallofthem，monsieur，andhecomesbacktomeinthemorninginadeplorablecondition.Yousee，it’sregretthatleadshimonandthatmakeshimputapasteboardfaceoverhisown.Yes，theregretofnolongerbeingwhathewasandofnolongermakinganyconquests！"
Hewassleepingnowandbeginningtosnore.Shelookedathimwithapityingexpressionandcontinued："Oh！howmanyconqueststhatmanhasmade！Morethanonecouldbelieve，monsieur，morethanthefinestgentlemenoftheworld，thanallthetenorsandallthegenerals."
"Really？Whatdidhedo？"
"Oh！itwillsurpriseyouatfirst，asyoudidnotknowhiminhispalmydays.WhenImethimitwasalsoataball，forhehasalwaysfrequentedthem.AssoonasIsawhimIwascaught——caughtlikeafishonahook.
Ah！howprettyhewas，monsieur，withhiscurlyravenlocksandblackeyesaslargeassaucers！Indeed，hewasgoodlooking！HetookmeawaythateveningandIneverhavelefthimsince，never，notevenforaday，nomatterwhathedidtome！Oh！hehasoftenmadeithardforme！"
Thedoctorasked："Areyoumarried？"
Sheansweredsimply："Yes，monsieur，otherwisehewouldhavedroppedmeashedidtheothers.Ihavebeenhiswifeandhisservant，everything，everythingthathewished.Howhehasmademecry——tearswhichIdidnotshowhim;forhewouldtellallhisadventurestome——tome，monsieur——
withoutunderstandinghowithurtmetolisten."
"Butwhatwashisbusiness？"
"That’sso.Iforgottotellyou.HewastheforemanatMartel’s——aforemansuchastheyneverhadhad——anartistwhoaveragedtenfrancsanhour."
"Martel？——whoisMartel？"
"Thehairdresser，monsieur，thegreathairdresseroftheOpera，whohadalltheactressesforcustomers.Yes，sir，allthesmartestactresseshadtheirhairdressedbyAmbroseandtheywouldgivehimtipsthatmadeafortuneforhim.Ah！monsieur，allthewomenarealike，yes，allofthem.Whenamanpleasestheirfancytheyofferthemselvestohim.Itissoeasy——andithurtmesotohearaboutit.Forhewouldtellmeeverything——hesimplycouldnotholdhistongue——itwasimpossible.
Thosethingspleasethemensomuch！Theyseemtogetevenmoreenjoymentoutoftellingthandoing.
"WhenIwouldseehimcomingintheevening，alittlepale，withapleasedlookandabrighteye，wouldsaytomyself：’Onemore.Iamsurethathehascaughtonemore.’ThenIfeltawilddesiretoquestionhimandthen，again，nottoknow，tostophistalkingifheshouldbegin.
Andwewouldlookateachother.
"Iknewthathewouldnotkeepstill，thathewouldcometothepoint.
Icouldfeelthatfromhismanner，whichseemedtolaughandsay：’Ihadafineadventureto—day，Madeleine.’Iwouldpretendtonoticenothing，toguessnothing;Iwouldsetthetable，bringonthesoupandsitdownoppositehim.
"Atthosetimes，monsieur，itwasasifmyfriendshipforhimhadbeencrushedinmybodyaswithastone.Ithurt.Buthedidnotunderstand;
hedidnotknow;hefeltaneedtotellallthosethingstosomeone，toboast，toshowhowmuchhewasloved，andIwastheonlyonehehadtowhomhecouldtalk—theonlyone.AndIwouldhavetolistenanddrinkitin，likepoison.
"Hewouldbegintotakehissoupandthenhewouldsay：’Onemore，Madeleine.’
"AndIwouldthink：’Hereitcomes！Goodness！whataman！WhydidI
evermeethim？’
"Thenhewouldbegin：’Onemore！Andabeauty，too.’AnditwouldbesomelittleonefromtheVaudevilleorelsefromtheVarietes，andsomeofthebigones，too，someofthemostfamous.Hewouldtellmetheirnames，howtheirapartmentswerefurnished，everything，everything，monsieur.Heartbreakingdetails.Andhewouldgooverthemandtellhisstoryoveragainfrombeginningtoend，sopleasedwithhimselfthatI
wouldpretendtolaughsothathewouldnotgetangrywithme.
"Everythingmaynothavebeentrue！Helikedtoglorifyhimselfandwasquitecapableofinventingsuchthings！Theymayperhapsalsohavebeentrue！Onthoseeveningshewouldpretendtobetiredandwishtogotobedaftersupper.Wewouldtakesupperateleven，monsieur，forhecouldnevergetbackfromworkearlier.
"Whenhehadfinishedtellingabouthisadventurehewouldwalkroundtheroomandsmokecigarettes，andhewassohandsome，withhismustacheandcurlyhair，thatIwouldthink：’It’strue，justthesame，whatheistelling.SinceImyselfamcrazyaboutthatman，whyshouldnotothersbethesame？’ThenIwouldfeellikecrying，shrieking，runningawayandjumpingoutofthewindowwhileIwasclearingthetableandhewassmoking.Hewouldyawninordertoshowhowtiredhewas，andhewouldsaytwoorthreetimesbeforegoingtobed：’Ah！howwellIshallsleepthisevening！’
"Ibearhimnoillwill，becausehedidnotknowhowhewashurtingme.
No，hecouldnotknow！Helovedtoboastaboutthewomenjustasapeacocklovestoshowhisfeathers.Hegottothepointwherehethoughtthatallofthemlookedathimanddesiredhim.
"Itwashardwhenhegrewold.Oh，monsieur，whenIsawhisfirstwhitehairIfeltaterribleshockandthenagreatjoy——awickedjoy——butsogreat，sogreat！Isaidtomyself：’It’stheend—it’stheend.’
ItseemedasifIwereabouttobereleasedfromprison.AtlastIcouldhavehimtomyself，alltomyself，whentheotherswouldnolongerwanthim.
"Itwasonemorninginbed.HewasstillsleepingandIleanedoverhimtowakehimupwithakiss，whenInoticedinhiscurls，overhistemple，alittlethreadwhichshonelikesilver.Whatasurprise！Ishouldnothavethoughtitpossible！AtfirstIthoughtoftearingitoutsothathewouldnotseeit，butasIlookedcarefullyInoticedanotherfartherup.Whitehair！Hewasgoingtohavewhitehair！Myheartbegantothumpandperspirationstoodoutalloverme，butawaydownatthebottomIwashappy.
"Itwasmeantofeelthus，butIdidmyhouseworkwithalightheartthatmorning，withoutwakinghimup，and，assoonasheopenedhiseyesofhisownaccord，Isaidtohim：’DoyouknowwhatIdiscoveredwhileyouwereasleep？’
"’No.’
"’Ifoundwhitehairs.’
"HestartedupasifIhadtickledhimandsaidangrily：’It’snottrue！’
"’Yes，itis.Therearefourofthemoveryourlefttemple.’
"Hejumpedoutofbedandranovertothemirror.Hecouldnotfindthem.ThenIshowedhimthefirstone，thelowest，thelittlecurlyone，andIsaid：’It’snowonder，afterthelifethatyouhavebeenleading.
Intwoyearsallwillbeoverforyou.’
"Well，monsieur，Ihadspokentrue;twoyearslateronecouldnotrecognizehim.Howquicklyamanchanges！Hewasstillhandsome，buthehadlosthisfreshness，andthewomennolongerranafterhim.Ah！whatalifeIledatthattime！Howhetreatedme！Nothingsuitedhim.Helefthistradetogointothehatbusiness，inwhichheateupallhismoney.Thenheunsuccessfullytriedtobeanactor，andfinallyhebegantofrequentpublicballs.Fortunately，hehadhadcommonsenseenoughtosavealittlesomethingonwhichwenowlive.Itissufficient，butitisnotenormous.Andtothinkthatatonetimehehadalmostafortune.
"Nowyouseewhathedoes.Thishabitholdshimlikeafrenzy.Hehastobeyoung;hehastodancewithwomenwhosmellofperfumeandcosmetics.Youpoorolddarling！"
Shewaslookingatheroldsnoringhusbandfondty，readytocry.Then，gentlytiptoeinguptohim，shekissedhishair.Thephysicianhadrisenandwasgettingreadytoleave，findingnothingtosaytothisstrangecouple.Justashewasleavingsheasked：
"Wouldyoumindgivingmeyouraddress？Ifheshouldgrowworse，Icouldgoandgetyou."
THEPENGUINS’ROCK
Thisistheseasonforpenguins.
FromApriltotheendofMay，beforetheParisianvisitorsarrive，onesees，allatonce，onthelittlebeachatEtretatseveraloldgentlemen，bootedandbeltedinshootingcostume.TheyspendfourorfivedaysattheHotelHauville，disappear，andreturnagainthreeweekslater.Then，afterafreshsojourn，theygoawayaltogether.
Oneseesthemagainthefollowingspring.
Thesearethelastpenguinhunters，whatremainoftheoldset.Therewereabouttwentyenthusiaststhirtyorfortyyearsago;nowthereareonlyafewoftheenthusiasticsportsmen.
Thepenguinisaveryrarebirdofpassage，withpeculiarhabits.ItlivesthegreaterpartoftheyearinthelatitudeofNewfoundlandandtheislandsofSt.PierreandMiquelon.Butinthebreedingseasonaflightofemigrantscrossestheoceanandcomeseveryyeartothesamespottolaytheireggs，tothePenguins’RocknearEtretat.Theyarefoundnowhereelse，onlythere.Theyhavealwayscomethere，havealwaysbeenchasedaway，butreturnagain，andwillalwaysreturn.Assoonastheyoungbirdsaregrowntheyallflyaway，anddisappearforayear.
Whydotheynotgoelsewhere？Whynotchoosesomeotherspotonthelongwhite，unendingcliffthatextendsfromthePas—de—CalaistoHavre？Whatforce，whatinvincibleinstinct，whatcustomofcenturiesimpelsthesebirdstocomebacktothisplace？Whatfirstmigration，whattempest，possibly，oncecasttheirancestorsonthisrock？Andwhydothechildren，thegrandchildren，allthedescendantsofthefirstparentsalwaysreturnhere？
Therearenotmanyofthem，ahundredatmost，asifonesinglefamily，maintainingthetradition，madethisannualpilgrimage.
Andeachspring，assoonasthelittlewanderingtribehastakenupitsabodeantherock，thesamesportsmenalsoreappearinthevillage.Oneknewthemformerlywhentheywereyoung;nowtheyareold，butconstanttotheregularappointmentwhichtheyhavekeptforthirtyorfortyyears.Theywouldnotmissitforanythingintheworld.
ItwasanAprileveninginoneofthelateryears.Threeoftheoldsportsmenhadarrived;onewasmissing——M.d’Arnelles.
Hehadwrittentonoone，givennoaccountofhimself.Buthewasnotdead，likesomanyoftherest;theywouldhaveheardofit.Atlength，tiredofwaitingforhim，theotherthreesatdowntotable.Dinnerwasalmostoverwhenacarriagedroveintotheyardofthehotel，andthelatecornerpresentlyenteredthediningroom.
Hesatdown，inagoodhumor，rubbinghishands，andatewithzest.Whenoneofhiscomradesremarkedwithsurpriseathisbeinginafrock—coat，herepliedquietly：
"Yes，Ihadnotimetochangemyclothes."
Theyretiredonleavingthetable，fortheyhadtosetoutbeforedaybreakinordertotakethebirdsunawares.
Thereisnothingsoprettyasthissport，thisearlymorningexpedition.
Atthreeo’clockinthemorningthesailorsawokethesportsmenbythrowingsandagainstthewindows.Theywerereadyinafewminutesandwentdowntothebeach.Althoughitwasstilldark，thestarshadpaledalittle.Theseagroundtheshingleonthebeach.Therewassuchafreshbreezethatitmadeoneshiverslightlyinspiteofone’sheavyclothing.
Presentlytwoboatswerepusheddownthebeach，bythesailors，withasoundasoftearingcloth，andwerefloatedonthenearestwaves.Thebrownsailwashoisted，swelledalittle，fluttered，hesitatedandswellingoutagainasroundasapaunch，carriedtheboatstowardsthelargearchedentrancethatcouldbefaintlydistinguishedinthedarkness.
Theskybecameclearer，theshadowsseemedtomeltaway.Thecoaststillseemedveiled，thegreatwhitecoast，perpendicularasawall.
TheypassedthroughtheManne—Porte，anenormousarchbeneathwhichashipcouldsail;theydoubledthepromontoryofLaCourtine，passedthelittlevalleyofAntiferandthecapeofthesamename;andsuddenlycaughtsightofabeachonwhichsomehundredsofseagullswereperched.
ThatwasthePenguins’Rock.Itwasjustalittleprotuberanceofthecliff，andonthenarrowledgesofrockthebirds’headsmightbeseenwatchingtheboats.
Theyremainedthere，motionless，notventuringtoflyoffasyet.Someofthemperchedontheedges，seatedupright，lookedalmostlikebottles，fortheirlittlelegsaresoshortthatwhentheywalktheyglidealongasiftheywereonrollers.Whentheystarttoflytheycannotmakeaspringandletthemselvesfalllikestonesalmostdowntotheverymenwhoarewatchingthem.
Theyknowtheirlimitationandthedangertowhichitsubjectsthem，andcannotmakeuptheirmindstoflyaway.
Buttheboatmenbegintoshout，beatingthesidesoftheboatwiththewoodenboatpins，andthebirds，inaffright，flyonebyoneintospaceuntiltheyreachthelevelofthewaves.Then，movingtheirwingsrapidly，theyscud，scudalonguntiltheyreachtheopensea;ifashowerofleaddoesnotknockthemintothewater.
Foranhourthefiringiskeptup，obligingthemtogiveup，oneafteranother.Sometimesthemotherbirdswillnotleavetheirnests，andareriddledwithshot，causingdropsofbloodtospurtoutonthewhitecliff，andtheanimaldieswithouthavingdesertedhereggs.
ThefirstdayM.d’Arnellesfiredatthebirdswithhishabitualzeal;
butwhenthepartyreturnedtowardteno’clock，beneathabrilliantsun，whichcastgreattrianglesoflightonthewhitecliffsalongthecoastheappearedalittleworried，andabsentminded，contrarytohisaccustomedmanner.
Assoonastheygotonshoreakindofservantdressedinblackcameuptohimandsaidsomethinginalowtone.Heseemedtoreflect，hesitate，andthenreplied：
"No，to—morrow."
Thefollowingdaytheysetoutagain.ThistimeM，d’ArneUesfrequentlymissedhisaim，althoughthebirdswerecloseby.Hisfriendsteasedhim，askedhimifhewereinlove，ifsomesecretsorrowwastroublinghismindandheart.Atlengthheconfessed.
"Yes，indeed，Ihavetoleavesoon，andthatannoysme."
"What，youmustleave？Andwhy？"
"Oh，Ihavesomebusinessthatcallsmeback.Icannotstayanylonger."
Theythentalkedofothermatters.
Assoonasbreakfastwasoverthevaletinblackappeared.M.d’Arnellesorderedhiscarriage，aridthemanwasleavingtheroomwhenthethreesportsmeninterfered，insisting，begging，andprayingtheirfriendtostay.Oneofthematlastsaid：
"Comenow，thiscannotbeamattero？suchimportance，foryouhavealreadywaitedtwodays."
M.d’Arnelles，altogetherperplexed，begantothink，evidentlybaffled，dividedbetweenpleasureandduty，unhappyanddisturbed.
Afterreflectingforsometimehestammered：
"Thefactis——thefactis——Iamnotalonehere.Ihavemyson—in—law."
Therewereexclamationsandshoutsof"Yourson—in—law！Whereishe？"
Hesuddenlyappearedconfusedandhisfacegrewred.
"What！doyounotknow？Why——why——heisinthecoachhouse.Heisdead."
Theywereallsilentinamazement.
M.d’Arnellescontinued，moreandmoredisturbed：
"Ihadthemisfortunetolosehim;andasIwastakingthebodytomyhouse，inBriseville，Icameroundthiswaysoasnottomissourappointment.ButyoucanseethatIcannotwaitanylonger."
Thenoneofthesportsmen，bolderthantherestsaid：
"Well，but——sinceheisdead——itseemstomethathecanwaitadaylonger."
Theotherschimedin：
"Thatcannotbedenied."
M.d’Arnellesappearedtoberelievedofagreatweight，butalittleuneasy，nevertheless，heasked：
"But，frankly——doyouthink——"
Thethreeothers，asoneman，replied：
"Parbleu！mydearboy，twodaysmoreorlesscanmakenodifferenceinhispresentcondition."
And，perfectlycalmly，thefather—in—lawturnedtotheundertaker’sassistant，andsaid：
"Well，then，myfriend，itwillbethedayaftertomorrow."
AFAMILY
Iwastoseemyoldfriend，SimonRadevin，ofwhomIhadlostsightforfifteenyears.Atonetimehewasmymostintimatefriend，thefriendwhoknowsone’sthoughts，withwhomonepasseslong，quiet，happyevenings，towhomonetellsone’ssecretloveaffairs，andwhoseemstodrawoutthoserare，ingenious，delicatethoughtsbornofthatsympathythatgivesasenseofrepose.
Foryearswehadscarcelybeenseparated;wehadlived，travelled，thoughtanddreamedtogether;hadlikedthesamethings，hadadmiredthesamebooks，understoodthesameauthors，trembledwiththesamesensations，andveryoftenlaughedatthesameindividuals，whomweunderstoodcompletelybymerelyexchangingaglance.
Thenhemarried.Hemarried，quitesuddenly，alittlegirlfromtheprovinces，whohadcometoParisinsearchofahusband.Howintheworldcouldthatlittlethin，insipidlyfairgirl，withherweakhands，herlight，vacanteyes，andherclear，sillyvoice，whowasexactlylikeahundredthousandmarriageabledolls，havepickedupthatintelligent，cleveryoungfellow？Cananyoneunderstandthesethings？Nodoubthehadhopedforhappiness，simple，quietandlong—enduringhappiness，inthearmsofagood，tenderandfaithfulwoman;hehadseenallthatinthetransparentlooksofthatschoolgirlwithlighthair.
Hehadnotdreamedofthefactthatanactive，livingandvibratingmangrowswearyofeverythingassoonasheunderstandsthestupidreality，unless，indeed，hebecomessobrutalizedthatheunderstandsnothingwhatever.
WhatwouldhebelikewhenImethimagain？Stilllively，witty，light—
heartedandenthusiastic，orinastateofmentaltorporinducedbyprovinciallife？Amanmaychangegreatlyinthecourseoffifteenyears！
Thetrainstoppedatasmallstation，andasIgotoutofthecarriage，astout，averystoutmanwithredcheeksandabigstomachrusheduptomewithopenarms，exclaiming："George！"Iembracedhim，butIhadnotrecognizedhim，andthenIsaid，inastonishment："ByJove！Youhavenotgrownthin！"Andherepliedwithalaugh：
"Whatdidyouexpect？Goodliving，agoodtableandgoodnights！Eatingandsleeping，thatismyexistence！"
Ilookedathimclosely，tryingtodiscoverinthatbroadfacethefeaturesIheldsodear.Hiseyesalonehadnotchanged，butInolongersawthesameexpressioninthem，andIsaidtomyself："Iftheexpressionbethereflectionofthemind，thethoughtsinthatheadarenotwhattheyusedtobeformerly;thosethoughtswhichIknewsowell."
Yethiseyeswerebright，fullofhappinessandfriendship，buttheyhadnotthatclear，intelligentexpressionwhichshowsasmuchaswordsthebrightnessoftheintellect.Suddenlyhesaid：
"Herearemytwoeldestchildren."Agirloffourteen，whowasalmostawoman，andaboyofthirteen，inthedressofaboyfromaLycee，cameforwardinahesitatingandawkwardmanner，andIsaidinalowvoice：
"Aretheyyours？""Ofcoursetheyare，"hereplied，laughing."Howmanyhaveyou？""Five！Therearethreemoreathome."
Hesaidthisinaproud，self—satisfied，almosttriumphantmanner，andI
feltprofoundpity，mingledwithafeelingofvaguecontempt，forthisvaingloriousandsimplereproducerofhisspecies.
Igotintoacarriagewhichhedrovehimself，andwesetoffthroughthetown，adull，sleepy，gloomytownwherenothingwasmovinginthestreetsexceptafewdogsandtwoorthreemaidservants.Hereandthereashopkeeper，standingathisdoor，tookoffhishat，andSimonreturnedhissaluteandtoldmetheman’sname;nodoubttoshowmethatheknewalltheinhabitantspersonally，andthethoughtstruckmethathewasthinkingofbecomingacandidatefortheChamberofDeputies，thatdreamofallthosewhoburythemselvesintheprovinces.
Weweresoonoutofthetown，andthecarriageturnedintoagardenthatwasanimitationofapark，andstoppedinfrontofaturretedhouse，whichtriedtolooklikeachateau.
"Thatismyden，"saidSimon，sothatImightcomplimenthimonit."Itischarming，"Ireplied.
Aladyappearedonthesteps，dressedforcompany，andwithcompanyphrasesallreadyprepared.Shewasnolongerthelight—haired，insipidgirlIhadseeninchurchfifteenyearspreviously，butastoutladyincurlsandflounces，oneofthoseladiesofuncertainage，withoutintellect，withoutanyofthosethingsthatgotomakeawoman.Inshort，shewasamother，astout，commonplacemother，ahumanbreedingmachinewhichprocreateswithoutanyotherpreoccupationbutherchildrenandhercook—book.
Shewelcomedme，andIwentintothehall，wherethreechildren，rangedaccordingtotheirheight，seemedsetoutforreview，likefiremenbeforeamayor，andIsaid："Ah！ah！sotherearetheothers？"Simon，radiantwithpleasure，introducedthem："Jean，SophieandGontran."
Thedoorofthedrawing—roomwasopen.Iwentin，andinthedepthsofaneasy—chair，Isawsomethingtrembling，aman，anold，paralyzedman.
MadameRadevincameforwardandsaid："Thisismygrandfather，monsieur;
heiseighty—seven."Andthensheshoutedintotheshakingoldman’sears："ThisisafriendofSimon’s，papa."Theoldgentlemantriedtosay"good—day"tome，andhemuttered："Oua，oua，oua，"andwavedhishand，andItookaseatsaying："Youareverykind，monsieur."
Simonhadjustcomein，andhesaidwithalaugh："So！Youhavemadegrandpapa’sacquaintance.Heisatreasure，thatoldman;heisthedelightofthechildren.Butheissogreedythathealmostkillshimselfateverymeal;youhavenoideawhathewouldeatifhewereallowedtodoashepleased.Butyouwillsee，youwillsee.Helooksatallthesweetsasiftheyweresomanygirls.Youneversawanythingsofunny;youwillseepresently."
Iwasthenshowntomyroom，tochangemydressfordinner，andhearingagreatclatterbehindmeonthestairs，Iturnedroundandsawthatallthechildrenwerefollowingmebehindtheirfather;todomehonor，nodoubt.
Mywindowslookedoutacrossadreary，interminableplain，anoceanofgrass，ofwheatandofoats，withoutaclumpoftreesoranyrisingground，astrikingandmelancholypictureofthelifewhichtheymustbeleadinginthathouse.