首页 >出版文学> Initials Only>第38章

第38章

  ”Andtheyaccuseheroftakingherownlife?Theirverdictisalie。Theydidnotknowher。”Then,aftersomemomentsofwildandconfusedfeeling,hedeclared,withadesperateeffortatself-control:”Yousaidthatsomebelievethis。Thentheremustbeotherswhodonot。Whatdotheysay?””Nothing。Theysimplyfeelasyoudo。Theyseenoreasonfortheactandnoevidenceofherhavingmeditatedit。Herfatherandherfriendinsistbesides,thatshewasincapableofsuchahorror。Themysteryofitiskillingusall;meaboveothers,forI’vehadtoshowyouacheerfulface,withmybrainreelingandmyheartlikeleadinmybosom。”
  Sheheldoutherhands。Shetriedtodrawhisattentiontoherself;
  notfromanysentimentofegotism,buttobreak,ifshecould,thestrainoftheseinsupportablehorrorswheresoshortatimebeforeHopesangandLiferevelledinre-awakenedjoys。
  Perhapssomefaintrealisationofthisreachedhim,forpresentlyhecaughtherbythehandsandbowedhisheaduponhershoulderandfinallyletherseathimagain,beforehesaid:”Dotheyknowof-ofmyinterestinthis?””Yes;theyknowaboutthetwo0。B。s。””Thetwo-”Hewasonhisfeetagain,butonlyforamoment;hisweaknesswasgreaterthanhiswillpower。”OrlandoandOswaldBrotherson,”sheexplained,inanswertohisbrokenappeal。”Yourbrotherwroteletterstoheraswellasyou,andsignedthemjustasyoudid,withhisinitialsonly。Theseletterswerefoundinherdesk,andhewassupposed,foratime,tohavebeentheauthorofallthatweresosigned。Buttheyfoundoutthedifferenceafterawhile。YourswereeasilyrecognisedaftertheylearnedtherewasanotherO。B。wholovedher。”
  Thewordswereplainenough,butthestrickenlistenerdidnottakethemin。Theycarriednomeaningtohim。Howshouldthey?Theveryideashesoughttoimpressuponhimbythisseeminglycarelessallusionwasanincredibleone。Shefounditherdreadfultasktotellhimthehard,baretruth。”Yourbrother,”saidshe,”wasdevotedtoMissChalloner,too。Heevenwantedtomarryher。Icannotkeepbackthisfact。Itisknowneverywhere,andbyeverybodybutyou。”Orlando?”Hislipstookanironicalcurve,asheutteredtheword。
  Thiswasayounggirl’simaginativefancytohim。”WhyOrlandoneverknewher,neversawher,never-””HemetheratLenox。”
  Thenameproduceditseffect。Hestared,madeanefforttothink,repeatedLenoxovertohimself;thensuddenlylosthisholdupontheideawhichthatwordsuggested,struggledagainforit,seizeditinaninstantofmadnessandshoutedout:”Yes,yes,Iremember。Isenthimthere-”andpaused,hismindblankagain。
  PoorDoris,frightenedtoherverysoul,lookedblindlyaboutforhelp;butshedidnotquithisside;shedidnotdareto,forhislipshadreopened;thecontinuityofhisthoughtshadreturned;hewasgoingtospeak。”Isenthimthere。”Thewordscameinasortofshout。”IwassohungrytohearofherandIthoughthemightmentionherinhisletter。Insane!Insane!Hesawherand-What’sthatyousaidabouthislovingher?Hecouldn’thavelovedher;he’snotofthelovingsort。They’vedeceivedyouwithstrangetales。They’vedeceivedthewholeworldwithfanciesandmaddreams。Hemayhaveadmiredher,butlovedher,-no!orifhehad,hewouldhaverespectedmyclaims。””Hedidnotknowthem。”
  Alaugh;alaughwhichpaledDoris’cheek;themhistonesgrewevenagain,memorycamebackandhemutteredfaintly:”Thatistrue。Isaidnothingtohim。Hehadtherighttocourther-andhedid,yousay;wrote:toher;imposedhimselfuponher,drovehermadwithimportunitiesshewasforcedtorebuke;and-andwhatelse?Thereissomethingelse。Tellme;Iwillknowitall。”
  Hewasstandingnow,hisfeeblenessallgone,passionineverylineamentandhiseyealiveandfeverish,withemotion。”Tellme,”
  herepeated,withunrestrainedvehemence。”Tellmeall。Killmewithsorrowbutsavemefrombeingunjust。””Hewroteheraletter;itfrightenedher。Hefolloweditupbyavisit-”
  Dorispaused;thesentencehungsuspended。Shehadheardastep-ahandonthedoor。
  Orlandohadenteredtheroom。
  ALONE
  Oswaldhadheardnothing,seennothing。ButhetooknoteofDoris’
  silence,andturningtowardsherinfrenzysawwhathadhappened,andsowasinameasurepreparedforthestern,shortsentencewhichnowrangthroughtheroom:”Wait,MissScott!youtellthestorybadly。Lethimlistentome。
  >FrommymouthonlyshallhehearthesternandseeminglyunnaturalpartIplayedinthisfamilytragedy。”
  ThefaceofOswaldhardened。Thosepliantfeatures-belovedfortheirgraciouskindliness-setthemselvesinlineswhichalteredthemalmostbeyondrecognition;buthisvoicewasnotwithoutsomeofitsnaturalsweetness,as,afteralongandhollowlookattheother’scomposedcountenance,heabruptlyexclaimed:”Speak!Iamboundtolisten;youaremybrother。”
  OrlandoturnedtowardsDoris。Shewasslippingaway。”Don’tgo,”saidhe。
  Butshewasgone。
  Slowlyheturnedback。
  Oswaldraisedhishandandcheckedthewordswithwhichhewouldhavebegunhisstory。”Nevermindthebeginnings,”saidhe。”Dorishastoldallthat。
  YousawMissChallonerinLenox-admiredher-offeredyourselftoherandafterwardswroteherathreateningletterbecausesherejectedyou。””Itistrue。Othermenhavefollowedjustsuchunworthyimpulses-andbeenashamedandsorryafterwards。IwassorryandIwasashamed,andassoonasmyfirstangerwasoverwenttotellherso。
  Butshemistookmypurposeand-””Andwhat?”
  Orlandohesitated。Evenhisironnaturetrembledbeforethemiseryhesaw-amiseryhewasdestinedtoaugmentratherthansoothe。
  Withpainsaltogetheroutofkeepingwithhischaracter,hesoughtintherecessesofhisdarkenedmindforwordslessbitterandlessabruptthanthosewhichspranginvoluntarilytohislips。Buthedidnotfindthem。Thoughhepitiedhisbrotherandwishedtoshowthathedid,nothingbutthesternlanguagesuitabletothesternfacthewishedtoimpart,wouldleavehislips。”Andendedthepitifulstruggleofthemomentwithonequick,unpremeditatedblow,”waswhathesaid。”Thereisnootherexplanationpossibleforthisact,Oswald。Bitterasitisformetoacknowledgeit,Iamthusfarguiltyofthisbelovedwoman’sdeath。But,asGodhearsme,fromthemomentIfirstsawher,tothemomentIsawherlast,Ididnotknow,nordidIforamomentdreamthatshewasanythingtoyouortoanyothermanofmystampandstation。Ithoughtshedespisedmycountrybirth,mymechanicalattempts,mylackofaristocraticpretensionsandtraditions。””Edith?””NowthatIknowshehadotherreasonsforhercontempt-thatthewordsshewrotewereinrebuketothebrotherratherthantotheman,Ifeelmyguiltanddeploremyanger。Icannotsaymore。I
  shouldbutinsultyourgriefbyanylengthyexpressionsofregretandsorrow。”
  Agroanofintolerableanguishfromthesickman’slips,andthenthequickthrustofhisre-awakenedintelligencerisingsuperiortotheoverthrowofallhishopes。”ForawomanofEdith’sprincipletoseekdeathinamomentofdesperation,theprovocationmusthavebeenverygreat。TellmeifI’mtohateyouthroughlife-yeathroughalleternity-orifI
  mustseekinsomeunimaginablefailureofmyowncharacterorconductthecauseofherintolerabledespair。””Oswald!”Thetonewascontrolling,andyetthatofonestrongmantoanother。”Isitforustoreadtheheartofanywoman,leastofallofawomanofhersusceptibilitiesandkeeninnerlife?Thewishtoendallcomestosomenatureslikealightningflashfromaclearsky。Itcomes,itgoes,oftenwithoutleavingasign。Butifaweaponchancestobenear-hereitwasinhand-thendeathfollowstheimpulsewhich,givenaninstantofthought,wouldhavevanishedinabacksweepofotheremotions。Chancewastherealaccessorytothisdeathbysuicide。Oswald,letusrealiseitassuchandacceptoursorrowasamutualburdenandturntowhatremainstousoflifeandlabour。Workisgrief’sonlyconsolation。
  Thenletuswork。”
  ButofallthisOswaldhadcaughtbuttheoneword。”Chance?”herepeated。”Orlando,IbelieveinGod。””Thenseekyourcomfortthere。Ifinditinharnessingthewinds;
  inforcingthepowersofnaturetodomybidding。”
  Theotherdidnotspeak,andthesilencegrewheavy。Itwasbroken,whenitwasbroken,byacryfromOswald:”Nomore,”saidhe,”nomore。”Then,inayearningaccent,”SendDoristome,”
  Orlandostarted。Thisnamecomingsocloseuponthatwordcomfortproducedastrangeeffectuponhim。ButanotherlookatOswaldandhewasreadytodohisbidding。Thebitterordealwasover;lethimhavehissolaceifitwasinherpowertogiveittohim。
  Orlando,uponleavinghisbrother’sroom,didnotstoptodeliverthatbrother’smessagedirectlytoDoris;heleftthisforTrudatodo,andretiredimmediatelytohishangarinthewoods。Lockinghimselfin,heslightlyraisedtheroofandthensatdownbeforethecarwhichwasrapidlytakingonshapeandassumingthatindividualityandappearanceofsentientlifewhichhithertohehadonlyseenindreams。Buthiseye,whichhadneverfailedtokindleatthissightbefore,shonedullyinthesemi-gloom。Theair-carcouldwait;hewouldfirsthavehishourinthissolitudeofhisownmaking。Thegazehedreaded,thewordsfromwhichheshrankcouldnotpenetratehere。Hemightevenshouthernamealoud,andonlythesewindowlesswallswouldrespond。Hewasalonewithhispast,hispresentandhisfuture。