`Thenyouhaven’tgivenuptheidea?-Ithoughtthatperhapsyouhadbythistime。’
`Ofcoursenot。IfondlythoughtatfirstthatyoufeltasIdoaboutthat,asyouweresomixedupinChristminsterAnglicanism。AndMr。
Phillotson——’
`IhavenorespectforChristminsterwhatever,except,inaqualifieddegree,onitsintellectualside,’saidSueBrideheadearnestly。`MyfriendIspokeoftookthatoutofme。HewasthemostirreligiousmanIeverknew,andthemostmoral。AndintellectatChristminsterisnewwineinoldbottles。ThemediaevalismofChristminstermustgo,besloughedoff,orChristminsteritselfwillhavetogo。Tobesure,attimesonecouldn’thelphavingasneakinglikingforthetraditionsoftheoldfaith,aspreservedbyasectionofthethinkersthereintouchingandsimplesincerity;butwhenIwasinmysaddest,rightestmindIalwaysfelt,`Oghastlygloriesofsaints,deadlimbsofgibbetedGods!’’……`Sue,youarenotagoodfriendofminetotalklikethat!’
`ThenIwon’t,dearJude!’Theemotionalthroat-notehadcomeback,andsheturnedherfaceaway。
`IstillthinkChristminsterhasmuchthatisglorious;thoughIwasresentfulbecauseIcouldn’tgetthere。’Hespokegently,andresistedhisimpulsetopiqueherontotears。
`Itisanignorantplace,exceptastothetownspeople,artizans,drunkards,andpaupers,’shesaid,perversestillathisdifferingfromher。`theyseelifeasitis,ofcourse;butfewofthepeopleinthecollegesdo。Youproveitinyourownperson。YouareoneoftheverymenChristminsterwasintendedforwhenthecollegeswerefounded;amanwithapassionforlearning,butnomoney,oropportunities,orfriends。
Butyouwereelbowedoffthepavementbythemillionaires’sons。’
`Well,Icandowithoutwhatitconfers。Icareforsomethinghigher。’
`AndIforsomethingbroader,truer,’sheinsisted。`AtpresentintellectinChristminsterispushingoneway,andreligiontheother;
andsotheystandstock-still,liketworamsbuttingeachother。’
`WhatwouldMr。Phillotson——’
`Itisaplacefulloffetishistsandghost-seers!’
Henoticedthatwheneverhetriedtospeakoftheschoolmastersheturnedtheconversationtosomegeneralizationsabouttheoffendinguniversity。Judewasextremely,morbidly,curiousaboutherlifeasPhillotson’sproté;gé;eandbetrothed;yetshewouldnotenlightenhim。
`Well,that’sjustwhatIam,too,’hesaid。`Iamfearfuloflife,spectre-seeingalways。’
`Butyouaregoodanddear!’shemurmured。
Hisheartbumped,andhemadenoreply。
`YouareintheTractarianstagejustnow,areyounot?’sheadded,puttingonflippancytohiderealfeeling,acommontrickwithher。`Letmesee-whenwasIthere?Intheyeareighteenhundredand——’
`There’sasarcasminthatwhichisratherunpleasanttome,Sue。
NowwillyoudowhatIwantyouto?AtthistimeIreadachapter,andthensayprayers,asItoldyou。Nowwillyouconcentrateyourattentiononanybookoftheseyoulike,andsitwithyourbacktome,andleavemetomycustom?Youaresureyouwon’tjoinme?’
`I’lllookatyou。’
`No。Don’ttease,Sue!’
`Verywell-I’lldojustasyoubidme,andIwon’tvexyou,Jude,’shereplied,inthetoneofachildwhowasgoingtobegoodforeverafter,turningherbackuponhimaccordingly。AsmallBibleotherthantheonehewasusinglaynearher,andduringhisretreatshetookitup,andturnedovertheleaves。
`Jude,’shesaidbrightly,whenhehadfinishedandcomebacktoher;`willyouletmemakeyouanewNewTestament,liketheoneImadeformyselfatChristminster?’
`Ohyes。Howwasthatmade?’
`IalteredmyoldonebycuttingupalltheEpistlesandGospelsintoseparatebrochures,andrearrangingtheminchronologicalorderaswritten,beginningthebookwithThessalonians,followingonwiththeEpistles,andputtingtheGospelsmuchfurtheron。ThenIhadthevolumerebound。MyuniversityfriendMr——butnevermindhisname,poorboy-saiditwasanexcellentidea。Iknowthatreadingitafterwardsmadeittwiceasinterestingasbefore,andtwiceasunderstandable。’
`H’m!’saidJude,withasenseofsacrilege。
`Andwhataliteraryenormitythisis,’shesaid,assheglancedintothepagesofSolomon’sSong。`Imeanthesynopsisattheheadofeachchapter,explainingawaytherealnatureofthatrhapsody。Youneedn’tbealarmed:nobodyclaimsinspirationforthechapterheadings。Indeed,manydivinestreatthemwithcontempt。Itseemsthedrollestthingtothinkofthefour-and-twentyelders,orbishops,orwhatevernumbertheywere,sittingwithlongfacesandwritingdownsuchstuff。’
Judelookedpained。`YouarequiteVoltairean!’hemurmured。
`Indeed?ThenIwon’tsayanymore,exceptthatpeoplehavenorighttofalsifytheBible!Ihatesuchhum-bugascouldattempttoplasteroverwithecclesiasticalabstractionssuchecstatic,natural,humanloveasliesinthatgreatandpassionatesong!’Herspeechhadgrownspirited,andalmostpetulantathisrebuke,andhereyesmoist。`IwishIhadafriendheretosupportme;butnobodyiseveronmyside!’
`ButmydearSue,myverydearSue,Iamnotagainstyou!’hesaid,takingherhand,andsurprisedatherintroducingpersonalfeelingintomereargument。
`Yesyouare,yesyouare!’shecried,turningawayherfacethathemightnotseeherbrimmingeyes。`Youareonthesideofthepeopleinthetraining-school-atleastyouseemalmosttobe!WhatIinsistonis,thattoexplainsuchversesasthis:`Whitheristhybelovedgone,Othoufairestamongwomen?’bythenote:`Thechurchprofessethherfaith,’issupremelyridiculous!’
`Wellthen,letitbe!Youmakesuchapersonalmatterofeverything!
Iam-onlytooinclinedjustnowtoapplythewordsprofanely。Youknowyouarefairestamongwomentome,cometothat!’
`Butyouarenottosayitnow!’Suereplied,hervoicechangingtoitssoftestnoteofseverity。Thentheireyesmet,andtheyshookhandslikecroniesinatavern,andJudesawtheabsurdityofquarrellingonsuchahypotheticalsubject,andshethesillinessofcryingaboutwhatwaswritteninanoldbookliketheBible。
`Iwon’tdisturbyourconvictions-Ireallywon’t!’shewentonsoothingly,fornowhewasrathermoreruffledthanshe。`ButIdidwantandlongtoennoblesomemantohighaims;andwhenIsawyou,andknewyouwantedtobemycomrade,I-shallIconfessit?-thoughtthatmanmightbeyou。ButyoutakesomuchtraditionontrustthatIdon’tknowwhattosay。’
`Well,dear;Isupposeonemusttakesomethingsontrust。Lifeisn’tlongenoughtoworkouteverythinginEuclidproblemsbeforeyoubelieveit。ItakeChristianity。’
`Well,perhapsyoumighttakesomethingworse。’
`IndeedImight。PerhapsIhavedoneso!’HethoughtofArabella。
`Iwon’taskwhat,becausewearegoingtobeverynicewitheachother,aren’twe,andnever,never,vexeachotheranymore?’
Shelookeduptrustfully,andhervoiceseemedtryingtonestleinhisbreast。
`Ishallalwayscareforyou!’saidJude。
`AndIforyou。Becauseyouaresingle-hearted,andforgivingtoyourfaultyandtiresomelittleSue!’
Helookedaway,forthatepicenetendernessofherswastooharrowing。
Wasitthatwhichhadbrokentheheartofthepoorleader-writer;andwashetobethenextone?……ButSuewassodear!……Ifhecouldonlygetoverthesenseofhersex,assheseemedtobeabletodosoeasilyofhis,whatacomradeshewouldmake;fortheirdifferenceofopiniononconjecturalsubjectsonlydrewthemclosertogetheronmattersofdailyhumanexperience。Shewasnearertohimthananyotherwomanhehadevermet,andhecouldscarcelybelievethattime,creed,orabsence,wouldeverdividehimfromher。
Buthisgriefatherincredulitiesreturned。Theysatontillshefellasleepagain,andhenoddedinhischairlikewise。Wheneverhearousedhimselfheturnedherthings,andmadeupthefireanew。Aboutsixo’clockheawokecompletely,andlightingacandle,foundthatherclothesweredry。Herchairbeingafarmorecomfortableonethanhisshestillsleptoninsidehisgreat-coat,lookingwarmasanewbunandboyishasaGanymede。Placingthegarmentsbyherandtouchingherontheshoulderhewentdownstairs,andwashedhimselfbystarlightintheyard。
JudetheObscureChapter23III-vWhenhereturnedshewasdressedasusual。
`NowcouldIgetoutwithoutanybodyseeingme?’sheasked。`Thetownisnotyetastir。’
`Butyouhavehadnobreakfast。’
`Oh,Idon’twantany!IfearIoughtnottohaverunawayfromthatschool!Thingsseemsodifferentinthecoldlightofmorning,don’tthey?WhatMr。PhillotsonwillsayIdon’tknow!ItwasquitebyhiswishthatIwentthere。HeistheonlymanintheworldforwhomIhaveanyrespectorfear。Ihopehe’llforgiveme;buthe’llscoldmedreadfully,Iexpect!’
`I’llgotohimandexplain-`beganJude。
`Ohno,youshan’t。Idon’tcareforhim!Hemaythinkwhathelikes-IshalldojustasIchoose!’
`Butyoujustthismomentsaid——’
`Well,ifIdid,IshalldoasIlikeforallhim!IhavethoughtofwhatIshalldo-gotothesisterofoneofmyfellow-studentsinthetraining-school,whohasaskedmetovisither。ShehasaschoolnearShaston,abouteighteenmilesfromhere-andIshallstaytheretillthishasblownover,andIgetbacktothetraining-schoolagain。’
Atthelastmomenthepersuadedhertolethimmakeheracupofcoffee,inaportableapparatushekeptinhisroomforuseonrisingtogotohisworkeverydaybeforethehouseholdwasastir。
`Nowadew-bittoeatwithit,’hesaid;`andoffwego。Youcanhavearegularbreakfastwhenyougetthere。’
Theywentquietlyoutofthehouse,Judeaccompanyinghertothestation。Astheydepartedalongthestreetaheadwasthrustoutofanupperwindowofhislodgingandquicklywithdrawn。Suestillseemedsorryforherrashness,andtowishshehadnotrebelled;tellinghimatpartingthatshewouldlethimknowassoonasshegotre-admittedtothetraining-school。
Theystoodrathermiserablytogetherontheplatform;anditwasapparentthathewantedtosaymore。
`Iwanttotellyousomething-twothings,’hesaidhurriedlyasthetraincameup。`Oneisawarmone,theotheracoldone!’
`Jude,’shesaid。`Iknowoneofthem。Andyoumustn’t!’
`What?’
`Youmustn’tloveme。Youaretolikeme-that’sall!’
Jude’sfacebecamesofullofcomplicatedgloomsthatherswasagitatedinsympathyasshebadehimadieuthroughthecarriagewindow。
Andthenthetrainmovedon,andwavingherprettyhandtohimshevanishedaway。
MelchesterwasadismalplaceenoughforJudethatSundayofherdeparture,andtheClosesohatefulthathedidnotgooncetothecathedralservices。Thenextmorningtherecamealetterfromher,which,withherusualpromptitude,shehadwrittendirectlyshehadreachedherfriend’shouse。Shetoldhimofhersafearrivalandcomfortablequarters,andthenadded:-WhatIreallywriteabout,dearJude,issomethingIsaidtoyouatparting。YouhadbeensoverygoodandkindtomethatwhenyouwereoutofsightIfeltwhatacruelandungratefulwomanIwastosayit,andithasreproachedmeeversince。Ifyouwanttoloveme,Jude,youmay:Idon’tmindatall;andI’llneversayagainthatyoumustn’t!
NowIwon’twriteanymoreaboutthat。Youdoforgiveyourthoughtlessfriendforhercruelty?andwon’tmakehermiserablebysayingyoudon’t?-
Ever,Sue。Itwouldbesuperfluoustosaywhathisanswerwas;andhowhethoughtwhathewouldhavedonehadhebeenfree,whichshouldhaverenderedalongresidencewithafemalefriendquiteunnecessaryforSue。HefelthemighthavebeenprettysureofhisownvictoryifithadcometoaconflictbetweenPhillotsonandhimselfforthepossessionofher。
YetJudewasindangerofattachingmoremeaningtoSue’simpulsivenotethanitreallywasintendedtobear。
第22章