Afterthelapseofafewdayshefoundhimselfhopingthatshewouldwriteagain。Buthereceivednofurthercommunication;andintheintensityofhissolicitudehesentanothernote,suggestingthatheshouldpayheravisitsomeSunday,thedistancebeingundereighteenmiles。
Heexpectedareplyonthesecondmorningafterdespatchinghismissive;butnonecame。Thethirdmorningarrived;thepostmandidnotstop。ThiswasSaturday,andinafeverishstateofanxietyaboutherhesentoffthreebrieflinesstatingthathewascomingthefollowingday,forhefeltsuresomethinghadhappened。
Hisfirstandnaturalthoughthadbeenthatshewasillfromherimmersion;butitsoonoccurredtohimthatsomebodywouldhavewrittenforherinsuchacase。Conjectureswereputanendtobyhisarrivalatthevillageschool-housenearShastononthebrightmorningofSunday,betweenelevenandtwelveo’clock,whentheparishwasasvacantasadesert,mostoftheinhabitantshavinggatheredinsidethechurch,whencetheirvoicescouldoccasionallybeheardinunison。
Alittlegirlopenedthedoor。`MissBrideheadisup-stairs,’
shesaid。`Andwillyoupleasewalkuptoher?’
`Issheill?’askedJudehastily。
`Onlyalittle-notvery。’
Judeenteredandascended。Onreachingthelandingavoicetoldhimwhichwaytoturn-thevoiceofSuecallinghisname。Hepassedthedoorway,andfoundherlyinginalittlebedinaroomadozenfeetsquare。
`Oh,Sue!’hecried,sittingdownbesideherandtakingherhand。
`Howisthis!Youcouldn’twrite?’
`No-itwasn’tthat!’sheanswered。`Ididcatchabadcold-
butIcouldhavewritten。OnlyIwouldn’t!’
`Whynot?-frighteningmelikethis!’
`Yes-thatwaswhatIwasafraidof!ButIhaddecidednottowritetoyouanymore。Theywon’thavemebackattheschool-that’swhyIcouldn’twrite。Notthefact,butthereason!’
`Well?’
`Theynotonlywon’thaveme,buttheygavemeapartingpieceofadvice——’
`What?’
Shedidnotanswerdirectly。`IvowedIneverwouldtellyou,Jude-itissovulgaranddistressing!’
`Isitaboutus?’
`Yes。’
`Butdotellme!’
`Well-somebodyhassentthembaselessreportsaboutus,andtheysayyouandIoughttomarryassoonaspossible,forthesakeofmyreputation!……There-nowIhavetoldyou,andIwishIhadn’t!’
`Oh,poorSue!’
`Idon’tthinkofyoulikethatmeans!ItdidjustoccurtometoregardyouinthewaytheythinkIdo,butIhadn’tbegunto。
Ihaverecognizedthatthecousinshipwasmerelynominal,sincewemetastotalstrangers。Butmymarryingyou,dearJude-why,ofcourse,ifIhadreckoneduponmarryingyoulshouldn’thavecometoyousooften!
AndIneversupposedyouthoughtofsuchathingasmarryingmetilltheotherevening;whenIbegantofancyyoudidlovemealittle。PerhapsIoughtnottohavebeensointimatewithyou。Itisallmyfault。Everythingismyfaultalways!’
Thespeechseemedalittleforcedandunreal,andtheyregardedeachotherwithamutualdistress。
`Iwassoblindatfirst!’shewenton。`Ididn’tseewhatyoufeltatall。Oh,youhavebeenunkindtome-youhave-tolookuponmeasasweetheartwithoutsayingaword,andleavingmetodiscoveritmyself!
Yourattitudetomehasbecomeknown;andnaturallytheythinkwe’vebeendoingwrong!I’llnevertrustyouagain!’
`Yes,Sue,’hesaidsimply;`Iamtoblame-morethanyouthink。
IwasquiteawarethatyoudidnotsuspecttillwithinthelastmeetingortwowhatIwasfeelingaboutyou。Iadmitthatourmeetingasstrangerspreventedasenseofrelationship,andthatitwasasortofsubterfugetoavailmyselfofit。Butdon’tyouthinkldeservealittleconsiderationforconcealingmywrong,verywrong,sentiments,sinceIcouldn’thelphavingthem?’
Sheturnedhereyesdoubtfullytowardshim,andthenlookedawayasifafraidshemightforgivehim。
Byeverylawofnatureandsexakisswastheonlyrejoinderthatfittedthemoodandthemoment,underthesuasionofwhichSue’sundemonstrativeregardofhimmightnotinconceivablyhavechangeditstemperature。Somemenwouldhavecastscruplestothewinds,andventuredit,obliviousbothofSue’sdeclarationofherneutralfeelings,andofthepairofautographsinthevestrychestofArabella’sparishchurch。Judedidnot。Hehad,infact,comeinparttotellhisownfatalstory。Itwasuponhislips;
yetatthehourofthisdistresshecouldnotdiscloseit。Hepreferredtodwellupontherecognizedbarriersbetweenthem。
`Ofcourse-Iknowyoudon’t-careaboutmeinanyparticularway,’hesorrowed。`Yououghtnot,andyouareright。Youbelongto-Mr。
Phillotson。Isupposehehasbeentoseeyou?’
`Yes,’shesaidshortly,herfacechangingalittle。`ThoughI
didn’taskhimtocome。Youareglad,ofcourse,thathehasbeen!ButIshouldn’tcareifhedidn’tcomeanymore!’
Itwasveryperplexingtoherloverthatsheshouldbepiquedathishonestacquiescenceinhisrival,ifJude’sfeelingsofloveweredeprecatedbyher。Hewentontosomethingelse。
`Thiswillblowover,dearSue,’hesaid。`Thetraining-schoolauthoritiesarenotalltheworld。Youcangettobeastudentinsomeother,nodoubt。’
`I’llaskMr。Phillotson,’shesaiddecisively。
Sue’skindhostessnowreturnedfromchurch,andtherewasnomoreintimateconversation。Judeleftintheafternoon,hopelesslyunhappy。
Buthehadseenher,andsatwithher。Suchintercourseasthatwouldhavetocontenthimfortheremainderofhislife。Thelessonofrenunciationitwasnecessaryandproperthathe,asaparishpriest,shouldlearn。
Butthenextmorningwhenheawokehefeltrathervexedwithher,anddecidedthatshewasratherunreasonable,nottosaycapricious。Then,inillustrationofwhathehadbeguntodiscernasoneofherredeemingcharacteristicstherecamepromptlyanote,whichshemusthavewrittenalmostimmediatelyhehadgonefromher:
Forgivemeformypetulanceyesterday!Iwashorridtoyou;
Iknowit,andIfeelperfectlymiserableatmyhorridness。Itwassodearofyounottobeangry!Judepleasestillkeepmeasyourfriendandassociate,withallmyfaults。I’lltrynottohelikeitagain。
IamcomingtoMelchesteronSaturday,togetmythingsawayfromtheT。S。,&;c。Icouldwalkwithyouforhalfanhour,ifyouwouldlike?-YourrepentantSue。Judeforgaveherstraightway,andaskedhertocallforhimatthecathedralworkswhenshecame。
JudetheObscureChapter24III-viMeanwhileamiddle-agedmanwasdreamingadreamofgreatbeautyconcerningthewriteroftheaboveletter。HewasRichardPhillotson,whohadrecentlyremovedfromthemixedvillageschoolatLumsdonnearChristminster,toundertakealargeboys’schoolinhisnativetownofShaston,whichstoodonahillsixtymilestothesouth-westasthecrowflies。
Aglanceattheplaceanditsaccessorieswasalmostenoughtorevealthattheschoolmaster’splansanddreamssolongindulgedinhadbeenabandonedforsomenewdreamwithwhichneithertheChurchnorliteraturehadmuchincommon。Essentiallyanunpracticalman,hewasnowbentonmakingandsavingmoneyforapracticalpurpose-thatofkeepingawife,who,ifshechose,mightconductoneofthegirls’schoolsadjoininghisown;forwhichpurposehehadadvisedhertogointotraining,sinceshewouldnotmarryhimoffhand。
AboutthetimethatJudewasremovingfromMarygreentoMelchester,andenteringonadventuresatthelatterplacewithSue,theschoolmasterwassettlingdowninthenewschool-houseatShaston。Allthefurniturebeingfixed,thebooksshelved,andthenailsdriven,hehadbeguntositinhisparlourduringthedarkwinternightsandre-attemptsomeofhisoldstudies-onebranchofwhichhadincludedRoman-Britannicantiquities-anunremunerativelabourforanationalschool-masterbutasubject,that,afterhisabandonmentoftheuniversityscheme,hadinterestedhimasbeingacomparativelyunworkedmine;practicabletothosewho,likehimself,hadlivedinlonelyspotswheretheseremainswereabundant,andwereseentocompelinferencesinstartlingcontrasttoacceptedviewsonthecivilizationofthattime。
AresumptionofthisinvestigationwastheoutwardandapparenthobbyofPhillotsonatpresent-hisostensiblereasonforgoingaloneintofieldswherecauseways,dykes,andtumuliabounded,orshuttinghimselfupinhishousewithafewurns,tiles,andmosaicshehadcollected,insteadofcallingrounduponhisnewneighbours,whofortheirparthadshowedthemselveswillingenoughtobefriendlywithhim。Butitwasnotthereal,orthewhole,reason,afterall。Thusonaparticulareveninginthemonth,whenithadgrownquitelate-tonearmidnight,indeed-andthelightofhislamp,shiningfromhiswindowatasalientangleofthehill-toptownoverinfinitemilesofvalleywestward,announcedasbywordsaplaceandpersongivenovertostudy,hewasnotexactlystudying。
Theinterioroftheroom-thebooks,thefurniture,theschoolmaster’sloosecoat,hisattitudeatthetable,eventheflickeringofthefire,bespokethesamedignifiedtaleofundistractedresearch-morethancreditabletoamanwhohadhadnoadvantagesbeyondthoseofhisownmaking。Andyetthetale,trueenoughtilllatterly,wasnottruenow。Whathewasregardingwasnothistory。Theywerehistoricnotes,writteninaboldwomanlyhandathisdictationsomemonthsbefore,anditwastheclericalrenderingofwordafterwordthatabsorbedhim。
Hepresentlytookfromadraweracarefullytiedbundleofletters,few,veryfew,ascorrespondencecountsnowadays。Eachwasinitsenvelopejustasithadarrived,andthehandwritingwasofthesamewomanlycharacterasthehistoricnotes。Heunfoldedthemonebyoneandreadthemmusingly。
Atfirstsightthereseemedinthesesmalldocumentstobeabsolutelynothingtomuseover。Theywerestraightforward,frankletters,signed`SueB-
`;justsuchonesaswouldbewrittenduringshortabsences,withnootherthoughtthantheirspeedydestruction,andchieflyconcerningbooksinreadingandotherexperiencesofatrainingschool,forgottendoubtlessbythewriterwiththepassingofthedayoftheirinditing。Inoneofthem-quitearecentnote-theyoungwomansaidthatshehadreceivedhisconsiderateletter,andthatitwashonourableandgenerousofhimtosayhewouldnotcometoseeheroftenerthanshedesiredtheschoolbeingsuchanawkwardplaceforcallers,andbecauseofherstrongwishthatherengagementtohimshouldnotbeknown,whichitwouldinfalliblybeifhevisitedheroften。Overthesephrasestheschool-masterpored。
Whatpreciseshadeofsatisfactionwastobegatheredfromawoman’sgratitudethatthemanwholovedherhadnotbeenoftentoseeher?Theproblemoccupiedhim,distractedhim。
Heopenedanotherdrawer,andfoundthereinanenvelope,fromwhichhedrewaphotographofSueasachild,longbeforehehadknownher,standingundertrellis-workwithalittlebasketinherhand。Therewasanotherofherasayoungwoman,herdarkeyesandhairmakingaverydistinctandattractivepictureofher,whichjustdisclosed,too,thethoughtfulnessthatlaybehindherlightermoods。ItwasaduplicateoftheoneshehadgivenJude,andwouldhavegiventoanyman。Phillotsonbroughtithalf-waytohislips,butwithdrewitindoubtatherperplexingphrases:ultimatelykissingthedeadpasteboardwithallthepassionateness,andmorethanallthedevotion,ofayoungmanofeighteen。
Theschoolmaster’swasanunhealthy-looking,old-fashionedface,renderedmoreold-fashionedbyhisstyleofshaving。Acertaingentlemanlinesshadbeenimpartedtoitbynature,suggestinganinherentwishtodorightlybyall。Hisspeechwasalittleslow,buthistonesweresincereenoughtomakehishesitationnodefect。Hisgreyinghairwascurly,andradiatedfromapointinthemiddleofhiscrown。Therewerefourlinesacrosshisforehead,andheonlyworespectacleswhenreadingatnight。Itwasalmostcertainlyarenunciationforceduponhimbyhisacademicpurpose,ratherthanadistasteforwomen,whichhadhithertokepthimfromclosingwithoneofthesexinmatrimony。
Suchsilentproceedingsasthoseofthiseveningwererepeatedmanyandofttimeswhenhewasnotundertheeyeoftheboys,whosequickandpenetratingregardwouldfrequentlybecomealmostintolerabletotheself-consciousmasterinhispresentanxiouscareforSue,makinghim,inthegreyhoursofmorning,dreadtomeetanewthegimletglances,lesttheyshouldreadwhatthedreamwithinhimwas。
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