首页 >出版文学> Little Women>第66章

第66章

  Sacredmoments,whenhearttalkedtoheartinthesilenceofthenight,turningafflictiontoablessing,whichchastenedgriefandstrengthnedlove。Feelingthis,Jo’sburdenseemedeasiertobear,dutygrewsweeter,andlifelookedmoreendurable,seenfromthesafeshelterofhermother’sarms。
  Whenachingheartwasalittlecomforted,troubledmindlikewisefoundhelp,foronedayshewenttothestudy,andleaningoverthegoodgrayheadliftedtowelcomeherwithatranquilsmile,shesaidveryhumbly,“Father,talktomeasyoudidtoBeth。
  I
  needitmorethanshedid,forI’mallwrong。“
  “Mydear,nothingcancomfortmelikethis,“heanswered,withafalterinhisvoice,andbotharmsroundher,asifhetoo,neededhelp,anddidnotfeartoaskforit。
  Then,sittinginBeth’slittlechairclosebesidehim,Jotoldhertroubles,theresentfulsorrowforherloss,thefruitlesseffortsthatdiscouragedher,thewantoffaiththatmadelifelooksodark,andallthesadbewildermentwhichwecalldespair。Shegavehimentireconfidence,hegaveherthehelpsheneeded,andbothfoundconsolationintheact。Forthetimehadcomewhentheycouldtalktogethernotonlyasfatheranddaughter,butasmanandwoman,ableandgladtoserveeachotherwithmutualsympathyaswellasmutuallove。Happy,thoughtfultimesthereintheoldstudywhichJocalled`thechurchofonemember’,andfromwhichshecamewithfreshcourage,recoveredcheerfulness,andamoresubmissivespirit。
  Fortheparentswhohadtaughtonechildtomeetdeathwithoutfear,weretryingnowtoteachanothertoacceptlifewithoutdespondencyordistrust,andtouseitsbeautifulopportunitieswithgratitudeandpower。
  OtherhelpshadJo——humble,wholesomedutiesanddelightsthatwouldnotbedeniedtheirpartinservingher,andwhichsheslowlylearnedtoseeandvalue。Broomsanddishclothsnevercouldbeasdistastefulastheyoncehadbeen,forBethhadpresidedoverboth,andsomethingofherhousewifelyspiritseemedtolingeraroundthelittlemopandtheoldbrush,neverthrownaway。Assheusedthem,JofoundherselfhummingthesongsBethusedtohum,imitatingBeth’sorderlyways,andgivingthelittletoucheshereandtherethatkepteverythingfreshandcozy,whichwasthefirststeptowardmakinghomehappy,thoughshedidn’tknowittillHannahsaidwithanapprovingsqueezeofthehand……
  “Youthoughtfulcreeter,you’redeterminedweshan’tmissthatdearlambefyoucanhelpit。Wedon’tsaymuch,butweseeit,andtheLordwillblessyoufor’t,seeefHedon’t。“
  Astheysatsewingtogether,JodiscoveredhowmuchimprovedhersisterMegwas,howwellshecouldtalk,howmuchsheknewaboutgood,womanlyimpulses,thoughts,andfeelings,howhappyshewasinhusbandandchildren,andhowmuchtheywerealldoingforeachother。
  “Marriageisanexcellentthing,afterall。IwonderifI
  shouldblossomouthalfaswellasyouhave,ifItriedit?“saidJo,assheconstructedakiteforDemiinthetopsy-turvynursery。
  “It’sjustwhatyouneedtobringoutthetenderwomanlyhalfofyournature,Jo。Youarelikeachestnutburr,pricklyoutside,butsilky-softwithin,andasweetkernal,ifonecanonlygetatit。Lovewillmakeyoushowyourheartoneday,andthentheroughburrwillfalloff。“
  “Frostopenschestnutburrs,ma`am,andittakesagoodshaketobringthemdown。Boysgonutting,andIdon’tcaretobebaggedbythem,“returnedJo,pastingawayatthekitewhichnowindthatblowswouldevercarryup,forDaisyhadtiedherselfonasabob。
  Meglaughed,forshewasgladtoseeaglimmerofJo’soldspirit,butshefeltitherdutytoenforceheropinionbyeveryargumentinherpower,andthesisterlychatswerenotwasted,especiallyastwoofMeg’smosteffectiveargumentswerethebabies,whomJolovedtenderly。Griefisthebestopenerofsomehearts,andJo’swasnearlyreadyforthebag。Alittlemoresunshinetoripenthenut,then,notaboy’simpatientshake,butaman’shandreacheduptopickitgentlyfromtheburr,andfindthekernalsoundandsweet。Ifshesuspectedthis,shewouldhaveshutuptight,andbeenmorepricklythanever,fortunatelyshewasn’tthinkingaboutherself,sowhenthetimecame,downshedropped。
  Now,ifshehadbeentheheroineofamoralstorybook,sheoughtatthisperiodofherlifetohavebecomequitesaintly,renouncedtheworld,andgoneaboutdoinggoodinamortifiedbonnet,withtractsinherpocket。But,yousee,Jowasn’taheroine,shewasonlyastrugglinghumangirllikehundredsofothers,andshejustactedouthernature,beingsad,cross,listless,orenergetic,asthemoodsuggested。It’shighlyvirtuoustosaywe’llbegood,butwecan’tdoitallatonce,andittakesalongpull,astrongpull,andapullalltogetherbeforesomeofusevengetourfeetsetintherightway。Johadgotsofar,shewaslearningtodoherduty,andtofeelunhappyifshedidnot,buttodoitcheerfully,ah,thatwasanotherthing!Shehadoftensaidshewantedtodosomethingsplendid,nomatterhowhard,andnowshehadherwish,forwhatcouldbemorebeautifulthantodevoteherlifetoFatherandMother,tryingtomakehomeashappytothemastheyhadtoher?Andifdifficultieswerenecessarytoincreasethesplendoroftheeffort,whatcouldbeharderforarestless,ambitiousgirlthantogiveupherownhopes,plans,anddesires,andcheerfullyliveforothers?
  Providencehadtakenheratherword。Herewasthetask,notwhatshehadexpected,butbetterbecauseselfhadnopartinit。
  Now,couldshedoit?Shedecidedthatshewouldtry,andinherfirstattemptshefoundthehelpsIhavesuggested。Stillanotherwasgivenher,andshetookit,notasareward,butasacomfort,asChristiantooktherefreshmentaffordedbythelittlearborwhereherested,asheclimbedthehillcalledDifficulty。
  “Whydon’tyouwrite?Thatalwaysusedtomakeyouhappy,“
  saidhermotheronce,whenthedespondingfitover-shadowedJo。
  “I’venohearttowrite,andifIhad,nobodycaresformythings。“
  “Wedo。Writesomethingforus,andnevermindtherestoftheworld。Tryit,dear。I’msureitwoulddoyougood,andpleaseusverymuch。“
  “Don’tbelieveIcan。“ButJogotoutherdeskandbegantooverhaulherhalf-finishedmanuscripts。
  Anhourafterwardhermotherpeepedinandthereshewas,scratchingaway,withherblackpinaforeon,andanabsorbedexpression,whichcausedMrs。Marchtosmileandslipaway,wellpleasedwiththesuccessofhersuggestion。Joneverknewhowithappened,butsomethinggotintothatstorythatwentstraighttotheheartsofthosewhoreadit,forwhenherfamilyhadlaughedandcriedoverit,herfathersentit,muchagainstherwill,tooneofthepopularmagazines,andtoheruttersurprise,itwasnotonlypaidfor,butothersrequested。Lettersfromseveralpersons,whosepraisewashonor,followedtheappearanceofthelittlestory,newspaperscopiedit,andstrangersaswellasfriends,admiredit。Forasmallthingitwasagreatsuccess,andJowasmoreastonishedthanwhenhernovelwascommendedandcondemnedallatonce。
  “Idon’tunderstandit。Whatcantherebeinasimplelittlestorylikethattomakepeoplepraiseitso?“shesaid,quitebewildered。
  “Thereistruthinit,Jo,that’sthesecret。Humorandpathosmakeitalive,andyouhavefoundyourstyleatlast。Youwrotewithnotthoughtsoffameandmoney,andputyourheartintoit,mydaughter。Youhavehadthebitter,nowcomesthesweet。
  Doyourbest,andgrowashappyasweareinyoursuccess。“
  “IfthereisanythinggoodortrueinwhatIwrite,itisn’tmine。IoweitalltoyouandMotherandBeth,“saidJo,moretouchedbyherfather’swordsthanbyanyamountofpraisefromtheworld。
  Sotaughtbyloveandsorrow,Jowroteherlittlestories,andsentthemawaytomakefriendsforthemselvesandher,findingitaverycharitableworldtosuchhumblewanderers,fortheywerekindlywelcomed,andsenthomecomfortabletokenstotheirmother,likedutifulchildrenwhomgoodfortuneovertakes。
  WhenAmyandLauriewroteoftheirengagement,Mrs。MarchfearedthatJowouldfinditdifficulttorejoiceoverit,butherfearsweresoonsetatrest,forthoughtJolookedgraveatfirst,shetookitveryquietly,andwasfullofhopesandplansfor`thechildren’beforeshereadthelettertwice。Itwasasortofwrittenduet,whereineachglorifiedtheotherinloverlikefashion,verypleasanttoreadandsatisfactorytothinkof,fornoonehadanyobjectiontomake。
  “Youlikeit,Mother?“saidJo,astheylaiddownthecloselywrittensheetsandlookedatoneanother。
  “Yes,Ihopeditwouldbeso,eversinceAmywrotethatshehadrefusedFred。Ifeltsurethenthatsomethingbetterthanwhatyoucallthe`mercenaryspirit’hadcomeoverher,andahinthereandthereinherlettersmademesuspectthatloveandLauriewouldwintheday。“
  “Howsharpyouare,Marmee,andhowsilent!Youneversaidaworkedtome。“
  “Mothershaveneedofsharpeyesanddiscreettongueswhentheyhavegirlstomanage。Iwashalfafraidtoputtheideaintoyourhead,lestyoushouldwriteandcongratulatethembeforethethingwassettled。“
  “I’mnotthescatterbrainIwas。Youmaytrustme。I’msoberandsensibleenoughforanyone’sconfidantenow。“
  “Soyouare,mydear,andIshouldhavemadeyoumine,onlyIfancieditmightpainyoutolearnthatyourTeddylovedsomeoneelse。“
  “Now,Mother,didyoureallythinkIcouldbesosillyandselfish,afterI’drefusedhislove,whenitwasfreshest,ifnotbest?“
  “Iknewyouweresincerethen,Jo,butlatelyIhavethoughtthatifhecameback,andaskedagain,youmightperhaps,feellikegivinganotheranswer。Forgiveme,dear,Ican’thelpseeingthatyouareverylonely,andsometimesthereisahungrylookinyoureyesthatgoestomyheart。SoIfanciedthatyourboymightfilltheemptyplaceifhetriednow。“
  “No,Mother,itisbetterasitia,andI’mgladAmyhaslearnedtolovehim。Butyouarerightinonething。Iamlonely,andperhapsifTeddyhadtriedagain,Imighthavesaid`Yes’,notbecauseIlovehimanymore,butbecauseIcaremoretobelovedthanwhenhewentaway。“
  “I’mgladofthat,Jo,foritshowsthatyouaregettingon。
  Thereareplentytoloveyou,sotrytobesatisfiedwithFatherandMother,sistersandbrothers,friendsandbabies,tillthebestloverofallcomestogiveyouyourreward。“
  “Mothersarethebestloversintheworld,butIdon’tmindwhisperingtoMarmeethatI’dliketotryallkinds。It’sverycurious,butthemoreItrytosatisfymyselfwithallsortsofnaturalaffections,themoreIseemtowant。I’dnoideaheartscouldtakeinsomany。Mineissoelastic,itneverseemsfullnow,andIusedtobequitecontentedwithmyfamily。Idon’tunderstandit。“
  “Ido。“AndMrs。Marchsmiledherwisesmile,asJoturnedbacktheleavestoreadwhatAmysaidofLaurie。
  “ItissobeautifultobelovedasLaurielovesme。Heisn’tsentimental,doesn’tsaymuchaboutit,butIseeandfeelitinallhesaysanddoes,anditmakesmesohappyandsohumblethatIdon’tseemtobethesamegirlIwas。Ineverknewhowgoodandgenerousandtenderhewastillnow,forheletsmereadhisheart,andIfinditfullofnobleimpulsesandhopesandpurposes,andamsoproudtoknowit’smine。Hesayshefeelsasifhe`couldmakeaprosperousvoyagenowwithmeaboardasmate,andlotsofloveforballast’。Iprayhemay,andtrytobeallhebelievesme,forIlovemygallantcaptainwithallmyheartandsoulandmight,andneverwilldeserthim,whileGodletsusbetogether。
  Oh,Mother,Ineverknewhowmuchlikeheaventhisworldcouldbe,whentwopeopleloveandliveforoneanother!“
  “Andthat’sourcool,reserved,andworldlyAmy!Truly,lovedoesworkmiracles。Howvery,veryhappytheymustbe!“
  AndJolaidtherustlingsheetstogetherwithacarefulhand,asonemightshutthecoversofalovelyromance,whichholdsthereaderfasttilltheendcomes,andhefindshimselfaloneintheworkadayworldagain。
  By-and-byJoroamedawayupstairs,foritwasrainy,andshecouldnotwalk。Arestlessspiritpossessedher,andtheoldfeelingcameagain,notbitterasitoncewas,butasorrowfullypatientwonderwhyonesistershouldhaveallsheasked,theothernothing。Itwasnottrue,sheknewthatandtriedtoputitaway,butthenaturalcravingforaffectionwasstrong,andAmy’shappinesswokethehungrylongingforsomeoneto`lovewithheartandsoul,andclingtowhileGodletthembetogether’。
  Upinthegarret,whereJo’sunquietwanderingsendedstoodfourlittlewoodenchestsinarow,eachmarkedwithitsownersname,andeachfilledwithrelicsofthechildhoodandgirlhoodendednowforall。Joglancedintothem,andwhenshecametoherown,leanedherchinontheedge,andstaredabsentlyatthechaoticcollection,tillabundleofoldexercisebookscaughthereye。Shedrewthemout,turnedthemover,andrelivedthatpleasantwinteratkindMrs。Kirke’s。Shehadsmiledatfirst,thenshelookedthoughtful,nextsad,andwhenshecametoalittlemessagewrittenintheProfessor’shand,herlipsbegantotremble,thebooksslidoutofherlap,andshesatlookingatthefriendlywords,astheytookanewmeaning,andtouchedatenderspotinherheart。
  “Waitforme,myfriend。Imaybealittlelate,butIshallsurelycome。“
  “Oh,ifheonlywould!Sokine,sogood,sopatientwithmealways,mydearoldFritz。Ididn’tvaluehimhalfenoughwhenI
  hadhim,butnowhowIshouldlovetoseehim,foreveryoneseemsgoingawayfromme,andI’mallalone。“
  Andholdingthelittlepaperfast,asifitwereapromiseyettobefulfilled,Jolaidherheaddownonacomfortableragbag,andcried,asifinoppositiontotherainpatteringontheroof。
  Wasitallself-pity,loneliness,orlowspirits?Orwasitthewakingupofasentimentwhichhadbideditstimeaspatientlyasitsinspirer?Whoshallsay?