首页 >出版文学> Little Women>第56章

第56章

  “Whatoldman?“demandedJo,thinkinghemustmeanhisgrandfather。
  “ThatdevilishProfessoryouwerealwayswritingabout。
  Ifyousayyoulovehim,IknowIshalldosomethingdesperate。“
  Andhelookedasifhewouldkeephisword,asheclenchedhishandswithawrathfulsparkinhiseyes。
  Jowantedtolaugh,butrestrainedherselfandsaidwarmly,forshetoo,wasgettingexcitedwithallthis,“Don’tswear,Teddy!Heisn’told,noranythingbad,butgoodandkind,andthebestfriendI’vegot,nexttoyou。Pray,don’tflyintoapassion。Iwanttobekind,butIknowIshallgetangryifyouabusemyProfessor。Ihaven’ttheleastideaoflovinghimoranybodyelse。“
  “Butyouwillafterawhile,andthenwhatwillbecomeofme?“
  “You’lllovesomeoneelsetoo,likeasensibleboy,andforgetallthistrouble。“
  “Ican’tloveanyoneelse,andI’llneverforgetyou,Jo,Never!Never!“withastamptoemphasizehispassionatewords。
  “WhatshallIdowithhim?“sighedJo,findingthatemotionsweremoreunmanagablethansheexpected。“Youhaven’theardwhatIwantedtotellyou。Sitdownandlisten,forindeedI
  wanttodorightandmakeyouhappy,“shesaid,hopingtosoothehimwithalittlereason,whichprovedthatsheknewnothingaboutlove。
  Seeingarayofhopeinthatlastspeech,Lauriethrewhimselfdownonthegrassatherfeet,leanedhisarmonthelowerstepofthestile,andlookedupatherwithanexpectantface。
  NowthatarrangementwasnotconducivetocalmspeechorclearthoughtonJo’spart,forhowcouldshesayhardthingstoherboywhilehewatchedherwitheyesfullofloveandlonging,andlashesstillwetwiththebitterdroportwoherhardnessofhearthadwrungfromhim?Shegentlyturnedhisheadaway,saying,asshestrokedthewavyhairwhichhadbeenallowedtogrowforhersake——howtouchingthatwas,tobesure!
  “IagreewithMotherthatyouandIarenotsuitedtoeachother,becauseourquicktempersandstrongwillswouldprobablymakeusverymiserable,ifweweresofoolishasto……“
  Jopausedalittleoverthelastword,butLaurieuttereditwitharapturousexpression。
  “Marry——noweshouldn’t!Ifyoulovedme,Jo,Ishouldbeaperfectsaint,foryoucouldmakemeanythingyoulike。“
  “No,Ican’t。I’vetriedandfailed,andIwon’triskourhappinessbysuchaseriousexperiment。Wedon’tagreeandwenevershall,sowe’llbegoodfriendsallourlives,butwewon’tgoanddoanythingrash。“
  “Yes,wewillifwegetthechance,“mutteredLaurierebelliously。
  “Nowdobereasonable,andtakeasensibleviewofthecase,“
  imploredJo,almostatherwit’send。
  “Iwon’tbereasonable。Idon’twanttotakewhatyoucall`asensibleview’。Itwon’thelpme,anditonlymakesitharder。Idon’tbelieveyou’vegotanyheart。“
  “IwishIhadn’t。“
  TherewasalittlequiverinJo’svoice,andthinkingitagoodomen,Laurieturnedround,bringingallhispersuasivepowerstobearashesaid,inthewheedlesometonethathadneverbeensodangerouslywheedlesomebefore,“Don’tdisappointus,dear!Everyoneexpectsit。Grandpahassethisheartuponit,yourpeoplelikeit,andIcan’tgetonwithoutyou。Sayyouwill,andlet’sbehappy。Do,do!“
  NotuntilmonthsafterwarddidJounderstandhowshehadthestrengthofmindtoholdfasttotheresolutionshehadmadewhenshedecidedthatshedidnotloveherboy,andnevercould。Itwasveryhardtodo,butshedidit,knowingthatdelaywasbothuselessandcruel。
  “Ican’tsay`yes’truly,soIwon’tsayitatall。You’llseethatI’mright,by-and-by,andthankmeforit……“shebegansolemnly。
  “I’llbehangedifIdo!“AndLauriebouncedupoffthegrass,burningwithindignationattheveryidea。
  “Yes,youwill!“persistedJo。“You’llgetoverthisafterawhile,andfindsomelovelyaccomplishedgirl,whowilladoreyou,andmakeafinemistressforyourfinehouse。Ishouldn’t。
  I’mhomelyandawkwardandoddandold,andyou’dbeashamedofme,andweshouldquarrel——wecan’thelpitevennow,yousee-andIshouldn’tlikeelegantsocietyandyouwould,andyou’dhatemyscribbling,andIcouldn’tgetonwithoutit,andweshouldbeunhappy,andwishwehadn’tdoneit,andeverythingwouldbehorrid!“
  “Anythingmore?“askedaskedLaurie,findingithardtolistenpatientlytothispropheticburst。
  “Nothingmore,exceptthatIdon’tbelieveIshallevermarry。I’mhappyasIam,andlovemylibertytoowelltobeinahurrytogiveitupforanymortalman。“
  “Iknowbetter!“brokeinLaurie。“Youthinksonow,butthere’llcomeatimewhenyouwillcareforsomebody,andyou’lllovehimtremendously,andliveanddieforhim。I
  knowyouwill,it’syourway,andIshallhavetostandbyandseeit。“Andthedespairinglovercasthishatuponthegroundwithagesturethatwouldhaveseemedcomical,ifhisfacehadnotbeensotragic。
  “Yes,Iwillliveanddieforhim,ifherevercomesandmakesmelovehiminspiteofmyself,andyoumustdothebestyoucan!“criedJo,losingpatiencewithpoorTeddy。“I’vedonemybest,butyouwon’tbereasonable,andit’sselfishofyoutokeepteasingforwhatIcan’tgive。Ishallalwaysbefondofyou,veryfondindeed,asafriend,butI’llnevermarryyou,andthesooneryoubelieveitthebetterforbothofus——sonow!“
  Thatspeechwaslikegunpowder。Laurielookedatheraminuteasifhedidnotquiteknowwhattodowithhimself,thenturnedsharplyaway,sayinginadesperatesortoftone,“You’llbesorrysomeday,Jo。“
  “Oh,whereareyougoing?“shecried,forhisfacefrightenedher。
  “Tothedevil!“wastheconsolinganswer。
  ForaminuteJo’sheartstoodstill,asheswunghimselfdownthebanktowardtheriver,butittakesmuchfolly,sinormiserytosendayoungmantoaviolentdeath,andLauriewasnotoneoftheweaksortwhoareconqueredbyasinglefailure。Hehadnothoughtofamelodramaticplunge,butsomeblindinstinctledhimtoflinghatandcoatintohisboat,androwawaywithallhismight,makingbettertimeuptheriverthanhehaddoneinanyrace。Jodrewalongbreathandunclaspedherhandsasshewatchedthepoorfellowtryingtooutstripthetroublewhichhecarriedinhisheart。
  “Thatwilldohimgood,andhe’llcomehomeinsuchatender,penitentstateofmind,thatIshan’tdaretoseehim。“
  shesaid,adding,asshewentslowlyhome,feelingasifshehadmurderedsomeinnocentthing,andburieditundertheleaves。“NowImustgoandprepareMr。Laurencetobeverykindtomypoorboy。Iwishhe’dloveBeth,perhapshemayintime,butIbegintothinkIwasmistakenabouther。Ohdear!Howcangirlsliketohaveloversandrefusethem?
  I
  thinkit’sdreadful。“
  Beingsurethatnoonecoulddoitsowellasherself,shewentstraighttoMr。Laurence,toldthehardstorybravelythrough,andthenbrokedown,cryingsodismallyoverherowninsensibilitythatthekindoldgentleman,thoughsorelydisappointed,didnotutterareproach。HefounditdifficulttounderstandhowanygirlcouldhelplovingLaurie,andhopedshewouldchangehermind,butheknewevenbetterthanJothatlovecannotbeforced,soheshookhisheadsadlyandresolvedtocarryhisboyoutofharm’sway,forYoungImpetuosity’spartingwordstoJodisturbedhimmorethanhewouldconfess。
  WhenLauriecamehome,deadtiredbutquitecomposed,hisgrandfathermethimasifheknewnothing,andkeptupthedelusionverysuccessfullyforanhourortwo。Butwhentheysattogetherinthetwilight,thetimetheyusedtoenjoysomuch,itwashardworkfortheoldmantorambleonasusual,andharderstillfortheyoungonetolistentopraisesofthelastyear’ssuccess,whichtohimnowseemedlikelove’slaborlost。Heboreitaslongashecould,thenwenttohispianoandbegantoplay。Thewindow’swereopen,andJo,walkinginthegardenwithBeth,foronceunderstoodmusicbetterthanhersister,forheplayedthe`SONATAPATHETIQUE’,andplayeditasheneverdidbefore。
  “That’sveryfine,Idaresay,butit’ssadenoughtomakeonecry。Giveussomethinggayer,lad,“saidMr。Laurence,whosekindoldheartwasfullofsympathy,whichhelongedtoshowbutknewnothow。
  Lauriedashedintoalivelierstrain,playedstormilyforseveralminutes,andwouldhavegotthroughbravely,ifinamomentarylullMrs。March’svoicehadnotbeenheardcalling,“Jo,dear,comein。Iwantyou。“
  JustwhatLaurielongedtosay,withadifferentmeaning!
  Ashelistened,helosthisplace,themusicendedwithabrokenchord,andthemusiciansatsilentinthedark。
  “Ican’tstandthis,“mutteredtheoldgentleman。Uphegot,gropedhiswaytothepiano,laidakindhandoneitherofthebroadshoulders,andsaid,asgentlyasawoman,“I
  know,myboy,Iknow。“
  Noanswerforaninstant,thenLaurieaskedsharply,“Whotoldyou?“
  “Joherself。“
  “Thenthere’sanendofit!“Andheshookoffhisgrandfather’shandswithanimpatientmotion,forthoughgratefulforthesympathy,hisman’spridecouldnotbearaman’spity。
  “Notquite。Iwanttosayonething,andthenthereshallbeanendofit,“returnedMr。Laurencewithunusualmildness。
  “Youwon’tcaretostayathomenow,perhaps?“
  “Idon’tintendtorunawayfromagirl。Jocan’tpreventmyseeingher,andIshallstayanddoitaslongasIlike,“
  interruptedLaurieinadefianttone。
  “NotifyouarethegentlemanIthinkyou。I’mdisappointed,butthegirlcan’thelpit,andtheonlythingleftforyoutodoistogoawayforatime。Wherewillyougo?“
  “Anywhere。Idon’tcarewhatbecomesofme。“AndLauriegotupwitharecklesslaughthatgratedonhisgrandfather’sear。
  “Takeitlikeaman,anddon’tdoanythingrash,forGod’ssake。Whynotgoabroad,asyouplanned,andforgetit?“
  “Ican’t。“
  “Butyou’vebeenwildtogo,andIpromisedyoushouldwhenyougotthroughcollege。“
  “Ah,butIdidn’tmeantogoalone!“AndLauriewalkedfastthroughtheroomwithanexpressionwhichitwaswellhisgrandfatherdidnotsee。
  “Idon’taskyoutogoalone。There’ssomeonereadyandgladtogowithyou,anywhereintheworld。“
  “Who,Sir?’stoppingtolisten。
  “Myself。“
  Lauriecamebackasquicklyashewent,andputouthishand,sayinghuskily,“I’maselfishbrute,but——youknow-Grandfather——“
  “Lordhelpme,yes,Idoknow,forI’vebeenthroughitallbefore,onceinmyownyoungdays,andthenwithyourfather。
  Now,mydearboy,justsitquietlydownandhearmyplan。It’sallsettled,andcanbecarriedoutatonce,“saidMr。Laurence,keepingholdoftheyoungman,asiffearfulthathewouldbreakawayashisfatherhaddonebeforehim。
  “Well,sir,whatisit?“AndLauriesatdown,withoutasignofinterestinfaceorvoice。
  “ThereisbusinessinLondonthatneedslookingafter。I
  meantyoushouldattendtoit,butIcandoitbettermyself,andthingsherewillgetonverywellwithBrooketomanagethem。Mypartnersdoalmosteverything,I’mmerelyholdingonuntilyoutakemyplace,andcanbeoffatanytime。“
  “Butyouhatetraveling,Sir。Ican’taskitofyouatyourage,“beganLaurie,whowasgratefulforthesacrifice,butmuchpreferredtogoalone,ifhewentatall。
  Theoldgentlemanknewthatperfectlywell,andparticularlydesiredtopreventit,forthemoodinwhichhefoundhisgrandsonassuredhimthatitwouldnotbewisetoleavehimtohisowndevices。So,stiflinganaturalregretatthethoughtofthehomecomfortshewouldleavebehindhim,hesaidstoutly,Blessyoursoul,I’mnotsuperannuatedyet。Iquiteenjoytheidea。Itwilldomegood,andmyoldboneswon’tsuffer,fortravelingnowadaysisalmostaseasyassittinginachair。“
  ArestlessmovementfromLauriesuggestedthathischairwasnoteasy,orthathedidnotliketheplan,andmadetheoldmanaddhastily,“Idon’tmeantobeamarplotoraburden。
  IgobecauseIthinkyou’dfeelhappierthanifIwasleftbehind。Idon’tintendtogadaboutwithyou,butleaveyoufreetogowhereyoulike,whileIamusemyselfinmyownway。I’vefriendsinLondonandParis,andshouldliketovisitthem。MeantimeyoucangotoItaly,Germany,Switzerland,whereyouwill,andenjoypictures,music,scenery,andadventurestoyourheart’scontent。“
  Now,Lauriefeltjustthenthathisheartwasentirelybrokenandtheworldahowlingwilderness,butatthesoundofcertainwordswhichtheoldgentlemanartfullyintroducedintohisclosingsentence,thebrokenheartgaveanunexpectedleap,andagreenoasisortwosuddenlyappearedinthehowlingwilderness。Hesighed,andthensaid,inaspiritlesstone,“Justasyoulike,Sir。Itdoesn’tmatterwhereIgoorwhatI
  do。“
  “Itdoestome,rememberthat,mylad。Igiveyouentireliberty,butItrustyoutomakeanhonestuseofit。Promisemethat,Laurie。“
  “Anythingyoulike,Sir。“
  “Good,“thoughttheoldgentleman。“Youdon’tcarenow,butthere’llcomeatimewhenthatpromisewillkeepyououtofmischief,orI’mmuchmistaken。“
  Beinganenergeticindividual,Mr。Laurencestruckwhiletheironwashot,andbeforetheblightedbeingrecoveredspiritenoughtorebel,theywereoff。Duringthetimenecessaryforpreparation,Laurieborehimselfasyounggentlemanusuallydoinsuchcases。Hewasmoody,irritable,andpensivebyturns,losthisappetite,neglectedhisdressanddevotedmuchtimetoplayingtempestuouslyonhispiano,avoidedJo,butconsoledhimselfbystaringatherfromhiswindow,withatragicfacethathauntedherdreamsbynightandoppressedherwithaheavysenseofguiltbyday。Unlikesomesufferers,heneverspokeofhisunrequitedpassion,andwouldallownoone,notevenMrs。March,toattemptconsolationoroffersympathy。Onsomeaccounts,thiswasarelieftohisfriends,buttheweeksbeforehisdeparturewereveryuncomfortable,andeveryonerejoicedthatthe`poor,dearfellowwasgoingawaytoforgethistrouble,andcomehomehappy’。Ofcourse,hesmileddarklyattheirdelusion,butpasseditbywiththesadsuperiorityofonewhoknewthathisfidelitylikehislovewasunalterable。