Whenthepartingcameheaffectedhighspirits，toconcealcertaininconvenientemotionswhichseemedinclinedtoassertthemselves。Thisgaietydidnotimposeuponanybody，buttheytriedtolookasifitdidforhissake，andhegotonverywelltillMrs。Marchkissedhim，whitawhisperfullofmotherlysolicitude。Thenfeelingthathewasgoingveryfast，hehastilyembracedthemallround，notforgettingtheafflictedHannah，andrandownstairsasifforhislife。Jofollowedaminuteaftertowaveherhandtohimifhelookedround。Hedidlookround，cameback，puthisarmsaboutherasshestoodonthestepabovehim，andlookedupatherwithafacethatmadehisshortappealeloquentandpathetic。
　　“Oh，Jo，can’tyou？“
　　“Teddy，dear，IwishIcould!“
　　Thatwasall，exceptalittlepause。ThenLauriestraightenedhimselfup，said，“It’sallright，nevermind，“andwentawaywithoutanotherword。Ah，butitwasn’tallright，andJodidmind，forwhilethecurlyheadlayonherarmaminuteafterherhardanswer，shefeltasifshehadstabbedherdearestfriend，andwhenheleftherwithoutalookbehindhim，sheknewthattheboyLaurieneverwouldcomeagain。
　　Chapter36CHAPTERTHIRTY-SIXWhenJocamehomethatspring，shehadbeenstruckwiththechangeinBeth。Noonespokeofitorseemedawareofit，forithadcometoograduallytostartlethosewhosawherdaily，buttoeyessharpenedbyabsence，itwasveryplainandaheavyweightfellonJo’sheartasshesawhersister’sface。
　　Itwasnopalerandbutlittlerthinnerthanintheautumn，yettherewasastrange，transparentlookaboutit，asifthemortalwasbeingslowlyrefinedaway，andtheimmortalshiningthroughthefrailfleshwithanindescribablypatheticbeauty。Josawandfeltit，butsaidnothingatthetime，andsoonthefirstimpressionlostmuchofitspower，forBethseemedhappy，nooneappearedtodoubtthatshewasbetter，andpresentlyinothercaresJoforatimeforgotherfear。
　　ButwhenLauriewasgone，andpeaceprevailedagain，thevagueanxietyreturnedandhauntedher。Shehadconfessedhersinsandbeenforgiven，butwhensheshowedhersavingsandproposedamountaintrip，Bethhadthankedherheartily，butbeggednottogosofarawayfromhome。Anotherlittlevisittotheseashorewouldsuitherbetter，andasGrandmacouldnotbeprevailedupontoleavethebabies，JotookBethdowntothequietplace，whereshecouldlivemuchintheopenair，andletthefreshseabreezesblowalittlecolorintoherpalecheeks。
　　Itwasnotafashionableplace，butevenamongthepleasantpeoplethere，thegirlsmadefewfriends，preferringtoliveforoneanother。Bethwastooshytoenjoysociety，andJotoowrappedupinhertocareforanyoneelse。Sotheywereallinalltoeachother，andcameandwent，quiteunconsciousoftheinteresttheyexitedinthoseaboutthem，whowatchedwithsympatheticeyesthestrongsisterandthefeebleone，alwaystogether，asiftheyfeltinstinctivelythatalongseparationwasnotfaraway。
　　Theydidfeelit，yetneitherspokeofit，foroftenbetweenourselvesandthosenearestanddearesttousthereexistsareservewhichitisveryhardtoovercome。JofeltasifaveilhadfallenbetweenherheartandBeth’s，butwhensheputoutherhandtoliftitup，thereseemedsomethingsacredinthesilence，andshewaitedforBethtospeak。Shewondered，andwasthankfulalso，thatherparentsdidnotseemtoseewhatshesaw，andduringthequietweekswhentheshadowsgrewsoplaintoher，shesaidnothingofittothoseathome，believingthatitwouldtellitselfwhenBethcamebacknobetter。
　　Shewonderedstillmoreifhersisterreallyguessedthehardtruth，andwhatthoughtswerepassingthroughhermindduringthelonghourswhenshelayonthewarmrockswithherheadinJo’slap，whilethewindsblewhealthfullyoverherandtheseamademusicatherfeet。
　　OnedayBethtoldher。Jothoughtshewasasleep，shelaysostill，andputtingdownherbook，satlookingatherwithwistfuleyes，tryingtoseesignsofhopeinthefaintcoloronBeth’scheeks。Butshecouldnotfindenoughtosatisfyher，forthecheekswereverythin，andthehandsseemedtoofeebletoholdeventherosylittleshellstheyhadbeencollecting。
　　ItcametoherthenmorebitterlythaneverthatBethwasslowlydriftingawayformher，andherarmsinstinctivelytightenedtheirholduponthedearesttreasureshepossessed。
　　Foraminutehereyesweretoodimforseeing，andwhentheycleared，Bethwaslookingupathersotenderlythattherewashardlyanyneedforhertosay，“Jo，dear，I’mgladyouknowit。I’vetriedtotellyou，butIcouldn’t。“
　　Therewasnoanswerexcepthersister’scheekagainstherown，noteventears，forwhenmostdeeplymoved，Jodidnotcry。Shewastheweakerthen，landBethtriedtocomfortandsustainher，withherarmsaboutherandthesoothingwordsshewhisperedinherear。
　　“I’veknownitforagoodwhile，dear，andnowI’musedtoit，itisn’thardtothinkofortobear。Trytoseeitsoanddon’tbetroubledaboutme，becauseit’sbest，indeeditis。“
　　“Isthiswhatmadeyousounhappyintheautumn，Beth？Youdidnotfeelitthen，landkeepittoyourselfsolong，didyou？“
　　askedJo，refusingtoseeorsaythatitwasbest，butgladtoknowthatLauriehadnopartinBeth’strouble。
　　“Yes，Igaveuphopingthen，butIdidn’tliketoownit。
　　Itriedtothinkitwasasickfancy，andwouldnotletittroubleanyone。ButwhenIsawyouallsowellandstrongandfullofhappyplans，itwashardtofeelthatIcouldneverbelikeyou，andthenIwasmiserable，Jo。“
　　“Oh，Beth，andyoudidn’ttellme，didn’tletmecomfortandhelpyou？Howcouldyoushutmeout，bearitallalone？“
　　Jo’svoicewasfulloftenderreproach，andherheartachedtothinkofthesolitarystrugglethatmusthavegoneonwhileBethlearnedtosaygoodbyetohealth，love，andlive，andtakeuphercrosssocheerfully。
　　“Perhapsitwaswrong，butItriedtodoright。Iwasn’tsure，noonesaidanything，andIhopedIwasmistaken。ItwouldhavebeenselfishtofrightenyouallwhenMarmeewassoanxiousaboutMeg，andAmyaway，andyousohappywithLaurie——atleastIthoughtsothen。“
　　“AndIthoughtyoulovedhim，Beth，andIwentawaybecauseIcouldn’t，“criedJo，gladtosayallthetruth。
　　BethlookedsoamazedattheideathatJosmiledinspiteofherpain，andaddedsoftly，“Thenyoudidn’t，dearie？Iwasafraiditwasso，andimaginedyourpoorlittleheartfulloflovelornityallthatwhile。“
　　“Why，Jo，howcouldI，whenhewassofondofyou？“askedBeth，asinnocentlyasachild。“Idolovehimdearly。Heissogoodtome，howcanIhelpIt？Buthecouldneverbeanythingtomebutmybrother。Ihopehetrulywillbe，sometime。“
　　“Notthroughme，“saidJodecidedly。“Amyisleftforhim，andtheywouldsuitexcellently，butIhavenoheartforsuchthings，now。Idon’tcarewhatbecomesofanybodybutyou，Beth。
　　Youmustgetwell。“
　　“Iwantto，oh，somuch!Itry，buteverydayIlosealittle，andfeelmoresurethatIshallnevergainitback。It’slikethetide，Jo，whenitturns，itgoesslowly，butitcan’tbestopped……“
　　“Itshallbestopped，yourtidemustnotturnsosoon，nineteenistooyoung，Beth。Ican’tletyougo。I’llworkandprayandfightagainstit。I’llkeepyouinspiteofeverything。
　　Theremustbeways，itcan’tbetoolate。Godwon’tbesocruelastotakeyoufromme，“criedpoorJorebelliously，forherspiritwasfarlesspiouslysubmissivethanBeth’s。
　　Simple，sincerepeopleseldomspeakmuchoftheirpiety。Itshowsitselfinactsratherthaninwords，andhasmoreinfluencethanhomiliesorprotestations。Bethcouldnotreasonuponorexplainthefaiththatgavehercourageandpatiencetogiveuplife，andcheerfullywaitfordeath。Likeaconfidingchild，sheaskednoquestions，butlefteverythingtoGodandnature，FatherandMotherofusall，feelingsurethatthey，andtheyonly，couldteachandstrengthenheartandspiritforthislifeandthelifetocome。ShedidnotrebukeJowithsaintlyspeeches，onlylovedherbetterforherpassionateaffection，andclungmorecloselytothedearhumanlove，fromwhichourFathernevermeansustobeweaned，butthroughwhichHedrawsusclosertoHimself。Shecouldnotsay，“I’mgladtogo，“forlifewasverysweetforher。Shecouldonlysobout，“Itrytobewilling，“
　　whilesheheldfasttoJo，asthefirstbitterwaveofthisgreatsorrowbrokeoverthemtogether。
　　ByandbyBethsaid，withrecoveredserenity，“You’lltellthemthiswhenwegohome？“
　　“Ithinktheywillseeitwithoutwords，“sighedJo，fornowitseemedtoherthatBethchangedeveryday。
　　“Perhapsnot。I’veheardthatthepeoplewholovebestareoftenblindesttosuchthings。Iftheydon’tseeit，youwilltellthemforme。Idon’twantanysecrets，andit’skindertopreparethem。MeghasJohnandthebabiestocomforther，butyoumuststandbyFatherandMother，won’tyouJo？“
　　“IfIcan。But，Beth，Idon’tgiveupyet。I’mgoingtobelievethatitisasickfancy，andnotletyouthinkit’strue。“
　　saidJo，tryingtospeakcheerfully。
　　Bethlayaminutethinking，andthensaidinherquietway，“Idon’tknowhowtoexpressmyself，andshouldn’ttrytoanyonebutyou，becauseIcan’tspeakoutexcepttomyJo。IonlymeantosaythatIhaveafeelingthatitneverwasintendedIshouldlivelong。I’mnotliketherestofyou。InevermadeanyplansaboutwhatI’ddowhenIgrewup。Ineverthoughtofbeingmarried，asyoualldid。Icouldn’tseemtoimaginemyselfanythingbutstupidlittleBeth，trottingaboutathome，ofnouseanywherebutthere。Ineverwantedtogoaway，andthehardpartnowistheleavingyouall。I’mnotafraid，butitseemsasifIshouldbehomesickforyoueveninheaven。“
　　Jocouldnotspeak，andforseveralminutestherewasnosoundbutthesighofthewindandthelappingofthetide。A
　　white-wingedgullflewby，withtheflashofsunshineonitssilverybreast。Bethwatchedittillitvanished，andhereyeswerefullofsadness。Alittlegray-coatedsandbirdcametrippingoverthebeach`peeping’softlytoitself，asifenjoyingthesunandsea。ItcamequiteclosetoBeth，andlookedatherwithafriendlyeyeandsatuponawarmstone，dressingitswetfeathers，quiteathome。Bethsmiledandfeltcomforted，forthetinythingseemedtoofferitssmallfriendshipandremindherthatapleasantworldwasstilltobeenjoyed。
　　“Dearlittlebird!See，Jo，howtameitis。Ilikepeepsbetterthanthegulls。Theyarenotsowildandhandsome，buttheyseemhappy，confidinglittlethings。Iusedtocallthemmybirdslastsummer，andMothersaidtheyremindedherofme——busy，quaker-coloredcreatures，alwaysneartheshore，andalwayschirpingthatcontentedlittlesongoftheirs。Youarethegull，Jo，strongandwild，fondofthestormandthewind，flyingfarouttosea，andhappyallalone。Megistheturtledove，andAmyislikethelarkshewriteabout，tryingtogetupamongtheclouds，butalwaysdroppingdownintoitsnestagain。Dearlittlegirl!She’ssoambitious，butherheartisgoodandtender，andnomatterhowhighsheflies，sheneverwillforgethome。IhopeIshallseeheragain，butsheseemssofaraway。“
　　“Sheiscominginthespring，andImeanthatyoushallbeallreadytoseeandenjoyher。I’mgoingtohaveyouwellandrosybythattime。“beganJo，feelingthatofallthechangesinBeth，thetalkingchangewasthegreatest，foritseemedtocostnoeffortnow，andshethoughtaloudinawayquiteunlikebashfulBeth。
　　“Jo，dear，don’thopeanymore。Itwon’tdoanygood。I’msureofthat。Wewon’tbemiserable，butenjoybeingtogetherwhilewewait。We’llhavehappytimes，forIdon’tsuffermuch，andIthinkthetidewillgoouteasily，ifyouhelpme。“
　　Joleaneddowntokissthetranquilface，andwiththatsilentkiss，shededicatedherselfsoulandbodytoBeth。
　　Shewasright。Therewasnoneedofanywordswhentheygothome，forFatherandMothersawplainlynowwhattheyhadprayedtobesavedfromseeing。Tiredwithhershortjourney，Bethwentatoncetobed，sayinghowgladshewastobehome，andwhenJowentdown，shefoundthatshewouldbesparedthehardtaskoftellingBeth’ssecret。Herfatherstoodleaninghisheadonthemantelpieceanddidnotturnasshecamein，buthermotherstretchedoutherarmsasifforhelp，andJowenttocomfortherwithoutaword。