首页 >出版文学> Little Women>第15章

第15章

  “I’lltry,“saidAmy,fortheadvicesuitedher,andafteraflurrytogetready,sheranafterthefriends,whowerejustdisappearingoverthehill。
  Itwasnotfartotheriver,butbothwerereadybeforeAmyreachedthem。Josawhercoming,andturnedherback。Lauriedidnotsee,forhewascarefullyskatingalongtheshore,soundingtheice,forawarmspellhadprecededthecoldsnap。
  “I’llgoontothefirstbend,andseeifit’sallrightbeforewebegintorace,“Amyheardhimsay,asheshotaway,lookinglikeayoungRussianinhisfur-trimmedcoatandcap。
  JoheardAmypantingafterherrun,stampingherfeetandblowingonherfingersasshetriedtoputherskateson,butJoneverturnedandwentslowlyzigzaggingdowntheriver,takingabitter,unhappysortofsatisfactioninhersister’stroubles。
  Shehadcherishedherangertillitgrewstrongandtookpossessionofher,asevilthoughtsandfeelingsalwaysdounlesscastoutatonce。AsLaurieturnedthebend,heshoutedback……
  “Keepneartheshore。Itisn’tsafeinthemiddle。“
  Joheard,butAmywasstrugglingtoherfeetanddidnotcatchaword。Joglancedoverhershoulder,andthelittledemonshewasharboringsaidinherear……
  “Nomatterwhethersheheardornot,lethertakecareofherself。“
  Lauriehadvanishedroundthebend,Jowasjustattheturn,andAmy,farbehind,strikingouttowardthethesmoothericeinthemiddleoftheriver。ForaminuteJostoodstillwithastrangefeelinginherheart,thensheresolvedtogoon,butsomethingheldandturnedherround,justintimetoseeAmythrowupherhandsandgodown,withasuddencrashofrottenice,thesplashofwater,andacrythatmadeJo’sheartstandstillwithfear。ShetriedtocallLaurie,buthervoicewasgone。
  Shetriedtorushforward,butherfeetseemedtohavenostrengthinthem,andforasecond,shecouldonlystandmotionless,staringwithaterror-strickenfaceatthelittlebluehoodabovetheblackwater。
  Somethingrushedswiftlybyher,andLaurie’svoicecriedout……
  “Bringarail。Quick,quick!“
  Howshedidit,sheneverknew,butforthenextfewminutessheworkedasifpossessed,blindlyobeyingLaurie,whowasquiteself-possessed,andlyingflat,heldAmyupbyhisarmandhockeysticktillJodraggedarailfromthefence,andtogethertheygotthechildout,morefrightenedthanhurt。
  “Nowthen,wemustwalkherhomeasfastaswecan。Pileourthingsonher,whileIgetofftheseconfoundedskates,“criedLaurie,wrappinghiscoatroundAmy,andtuggingawayatthestrapswhichneverseemedsointricatebefore。
  Shivering,dripping,andcrying,theygotAmyhome,andafteranexcitingtimeofit,shefellasleep,rolledinblanketsbeforeahotfire。DuringthebustleJohadscarcelyspokenbutflownabout,lookingpaleandwild,withherthingshalfoff,herdresstorn,andherhandscutandbruisedbyiceandrailsandrefractorybuckles。
  WhenAmywascomfortablyasleep,thehousequiet,andMrs。Marchsittingbythebed,shecalledJotoherandbegantobindupthehurthands。
  “Areyousuresheissafe?“whisperedJo,lookingremorsefullyatthegoldenhead,whichmighthavebeensweptawayfromhersightforeverunderthetreacherousice。
  “Quitesafe,dear。sheisnothurt,andwon’teventakecold,Ithink,youweresosensibleincoveringandgettingherhomequickly,“repliedhermothercheerfully。
  “Lauriediditall。Ionlylethergo。Mother,ifsheshoulddie,itwouldbemyfault。“AndJodroppeddownbesidethebedinapassionofpenitenttears,tellingallthathadhappened,bitterlycondemningherhardnessofheart,andsobbingouthergratitudeforbeingsparedtheheavypunishmentwhichmighthavecomeuponher。
  “It’smydreadfultemper!Itrytocureit,IthinkIhave,andthenitbreaksoutworsethanever。OH,Mother,whatshallI
  do?WhatshallIdo?“criedpoorJo,indespair。
  “Watchandpray,dear,nevergettiredoftrying,andneverthinkitisimpossibletoconqueryourfault,“saidMrs。March,drawingtheblowzyheadtohershoulderandkissingthewetcheeksotenderlythatJocriedevenharder。
  “Youdon’tknow,youcan’tguesshowbaditis!ItseemsasifIcoulddoanythingwhenI’minapassion。Igetsosavage,I
  couldhurtanyoneandenjoyit。I’mafraidIshalldosomethingdreadfulsomeday,andspoilmylife,andmakeeverybodyhateme。
  Oh,Mother,helpme,dohelpme!“
  “Iwill,mychild,Iwill。Don’tcrysobitterly,butrememberthisday,andresolvewithallyoursoulthatyouwillneverknowanotherlikeit。Jo,dear,weallhaveourtemptations,somefargreaterthanyours,anditoftentakesusallourlivestoconquerthem。Youthinkyourtemperistheworstintheworld,butmineusedtobejustlikeit。“
  “Yours,Mother?Why,youareneverangry!“AndforthemomentJoforgotremorseinsurprise。
  “I’vebeentryingtocureitforfortyyears,andhaveonlysucceededincontrollingit。Iamangrynearlyeverydayofmylife,Jo,butIhavelearnednottoshowit,andIstillhopetolearnnottofeelit,thoughitmaytakemeanotherfortyyearstodoso。“
  ThepatienceandthehumilityofthefaceshelovedsowellwasabetterlessontoJothanthewisestlecture,thesharpestreproof。Shefeltcomfortedatoncebythesympathyandconfidencegivenher。Theknowledgethathermotherhadafaultlikehers,andtriedtomendit,madeherowneasiertobearandstrengthenedherresolutiontocureit,thoughfortyyearsseemedratheralongtimetowatchandpraytoagirloffifteen。
  “Mother,areyouangrywhenyoufoldyourlipstighttogetherandgooutoftheroomsometimes,whenAuntMarchscoldsorpeopleworryyou?“askedJo,feelingneareranddearertohermotherthaneverbefore。
  “Yes,I’velearnedtocheckthehastywordsthatrisetomylips,andwhenIfeelthattheymeantobreakoutagainstmywill,Ijustgoawayforaminute,andgivemyselfalittleshakeforbeingsoweakandwicked,“answeredMrs。Marchwithasighandasmile,asshesmoothedandfastenedupJo’sdisheveledhair。
  “Howdidyoulearntokeepstill?Thatiswhattroublesme,forthesharpwordsflyoutbeforeIknowwhatI’mabout,andthemoreIsaytheworseIget,tillit’sapleasuretohurtpeople’sfeelingsandsaydreadfulthings。Tellmehowyoudoit,Marmeedear。“
  “Mygoodmotherusedtohelpme……“
  “Asyoudous……“interruptedJo,withagratefulkiss。
  “ButIlostherwhenIwasalittleolderthanyouare,andforyearshadtostruggleonalone,forIwastooproudtoconfessmyweaknesstoanyoneelse。Ihadahardtime,Jo,andshedagoodmanybittertearsovermyfailures,forinspiteofmyeffortsI
  neverseemedtogeton。Thenyourfathercame,andIwassohappythatifounditeasytobegood。Butby-and-by,whenIhadfourlittledaughtersroundmeandwewerepoor,thentheoldtroublebeganagain,forIamnotpatientbynature,andittriedmeverymuchtoseemychildrenwantinganything。“
  “PoorMother!Whathelpedyouthen?“
  “Yourfather,Jo。Heneverlosespatience,neverdoubtsorcomplains,butalwayshopes,andworksandwaitssocheerfullythatoneisashamedtodootherwisebeforehim。Hehelpedandcomfortedme,andshowedmethatImusttrytopracticeallthevirtuesIwouldhavemylittlegirlspossess,forIwastheirexample。Itwaseasiertotryforyoursakesthanformyown。
  AstartledorsurprisedlookfromoneofyouwhenIspokesharplyrebukedmemorethananywordscouldhavedone,andthelove,respect,andconfidenceofmychildrenwasthesweetestrewardI
  couldreceiveformyeffortstobethewomanIwouldhavethemcopy。“
  “Oh,Mother,ifI’meverhalfasgoodasyou,Ishallbesatisfied,“criedJo,muchtouched。
  “Ihopeyouwillbeagreatdealbetter,dear,butyoumustkeepwatchoveryour`bosomenemy’,asfathercallsit,oritmaysadden,ifnotspoilyourlife。Youhavehadawarning。
  Rememberit,andtrywithheartandsoultomasterthisquicktemper,beforeitbringsyougreatersorrowandregretthanyouhaveknowntoday。“
  “Iwilltry,Mother,Itrulywill。Butyoumusthelpme,remindme,andkeepmefromflyingout。IusedtoseeFathersometimesputhisfingeronhislips,andlookatyouwithaverykindbutsoberface,andyoualwaysfoldedyourlipstightandwentaway。Washeremindingyouthen?“askedJosoftly。
  “Yes。Iaskedhimtohelpmeso,andheneverforgotit,butsavedmefrommanyasharpwordbythatlittlegestureandkindlook。“
  Josawthathermother’seyesfilledandherlipstrembledasshespoke,andfearingthatshehadsaidtoomuch,shewhisperedanxiously,“Wasitwrongtowatchyouandtospeakofit?Ididn’tmeantoberude,butit’ssocomfortabletosayallIthinktoyou,andfeelsosafeandhappyhere。“
  “MuJo,youmaysayanythingtoyourmother,foritismygreatesthappinessandpridetofeelthatmygirlsconfideinmeandknowhowmuchIlovethem。“
  “IthoughtI’dgrievedyou。“
  “No,dear,butspeakingofFatherremindedmehowmuchI
  misshim,howmuchIowehim,andhowfaithfullyIshouldwatchandworktokeephislittledaughterssafeandgoodforhim。“
  “Yetyoutoldhimtogo,Mother,anddidn’tcrywhenhewent,andnevercomplainnow,orseemasifyouneededanyhelp,“
  saidJo,wondering。
  “IgavemybesttothecountryIlove,andkeptmytearstillhewasgone。WhyshouldIcomplain,whenwebothhavemerelydoneourdutyandwillsurelybethehappierforitintheend?IfIdon’tseemtoneedhelp,itisbecauseIhaveabetterfriend,eventhanFather,tocomfortandsustainme。Mychild,thetroublesandtemptationsofyourlifearebeginningandmaybemany,butyoucanovercomeandoutlivethemallifyoulearntofeelthestrengthandtendernessofyourHeavenlyFatherasyoudothatofyourearthlyone。ThemoreyouloveandtrustHim,andthelessyouwilldependonhumanpowerandwisdom。Hisloveandcarenevertireorchange,canneverbetakenfromyou,butmybecomethesourceoflifelongpeace,happiness,andstrength。Believethisheartily,andgotoGodwithallyourlittlecares,andhopes,andsins,andsorrows,asfreelyandconfidinglyasyoucometoyourmother。“
  Jo’sonlyanswerwastoholdhermotherclose,andinthesilencewhichfollowedthesincerestprayershehadeverprayedleftherheartwithoutwords。Forinthatsadyethappyhour,shehadlearnednotonlythebitternessofremorseanddespair,butthesweetnessofself-denialandself-control,andledbyhermother’shand,shehaddrawnnearertotheFriendwhoalwayswelcomeseverychildwithalovestrongerthanthatofanyfather,tendererthanthatofanymother。
  Amystirredandsighedinhersleep,andasifeagertobeginatoncetomendherfault,lJolookedupwithanexpressiononherfacewhichithadneverwornbefore。
  “Iletthesungodownonmyanger。Iwouldn’tforgiveher,andtoday,ifithadn’tbeenforLaurie,itmighthavebeentoolate!HowcouldIbesowicked?“saidJo,halfaloud,assheleanedoverhersistersoftlystrokingthewethairscatteredonthepillow。
  Asifsheheard,Amyopenedhereyes,andheldoutherarms,withasmilethatwentstraighttoJo’sheart。Neithersaidaword,buttheyhuggedoneanotherclose,inspiteoftheblankets,andeverythingwasforgivenandforgotteninoneheartykiss。