“I’lltry,“saidAmy,fortheadvicesuitedher,andafteraflurrytogetready,sheranafterthefriends,whowerejustdisappearingoverthehill。
Itwasnotfartotheriver,butbothwerereadybeforeAmyreachedthem。Josawhercoming,andturnedherback。Lauriedidnotsee,forhewascarefullyskatingalongtheshore,soundingtheice,forawarmspellhadprecededthecoldsnap。
“I’llgoontothefirstbend,andseeifit’sallrightbeforewebegintorace,“Amyheardhimsay,asheshotaway,lookinglikeayoungRussianinhisfur-trimmedcoatandcap。
JoheardAmypantingafterherrun,stampingherfeetandblowingonherfingersasshetriedtoputherskateson,butJoneverturnedandwentslowlyzigzaggingdowntheriver,takingabitter,unhappysortofsatisfactioninhersister’stroubles。
Shehadcherishedherangertillitgrewstrongandtookpossessionofher,asevilthoughtsandfeelingsalwaysdounlesscastoutatonce。AsLaurieturnedthebend,heshoutedback……
“Keepneartheshore。Itisn’tsafeinthemiddle。“
Joheard,butAmywasstrugglingtoherfeetanddidnotcatchaword。Joglancedoverhershoulder,andthelittledemonshewasharboringsaidinherear……
“Nomatterwhethersheheardornot,lethertakecareofherself。“
Lauriehadvanishedroundthebend,Jowasjustattheturn,andAmy,farbehind,strikingouttowardthethesmoothericeinthemiddleoftheriver。ForaminuteJostoodstillwithastrangefeelinginherheart,thensheresolvedtogoon,butsomethingheldandturnedherround,justintimetoseeAmythrowupherhandsandgodown,withasuddencrashofrottenice,thesplashofwater,andacrythatmadeJo’sheartstandstillwithfear。ShetriedtocallLaurie,buthervoicewasgone。
Shetriedtorushforward,butherfeetseemedtohavenostrengthinthem,andforasecond,shecouldonlystandmotionless,staringwithaterror-strickenfaceatthelittlebluehoodabovetheblackwater。
Somethingrushedswiftlybyher,andLaurie’svoicecriedout……
“Bringarail。Quick,quick!“
Howshedidit,sheneverknew,butforthenextfewminutessheworkedasifpossessed,blindlyobeyingLaurie,whowasquiteself-possessed,andlyingflat,heldAmyupbyhisarmandhockeysticktillJodraggedarailfromthefence,andtogethertheygotthechildout,morefrightenedthanhurt。
“Nowthen,wemustwalkherhomeasfastaswecan。Pileourthingsonher,whileIgetofftheseconfoundedskates,“criedLaurie,wrappinghiscoatroundAmy,andtuggingawayatthestrapswhichneverseemedsointricatebefore。
Shivering,dripping,andcrying,theygotAmyhome,andafteranexcitingtimeofit,shefellasleep,rolledinblanketsbeforeahotfire。DuringthebustleJohadscarcelyspokenbutflownabout,lookingpaleandwild,withherthingshalfoff,herdresstorn,andherhandscutandbruisedbyiceandrailsandrefractorybuckles。
WhenAmywascomfortablyasleep,thehousequiet,andMrs。Marchsittingbythebed,shecalledJotoherandbegantobindupthehurthands。
“Areyousuresheissafe?“whisperedJo,lookingremorsefullyatthegoldenhead,whichmighthavebeensweptawayfromhersightforeverunderthetreacherousice。
“Quitesafe,dear。sheisnothurt,andwon’teventakecold,Ithink,youweresosensibleincoveringandgettingherhomequickly,“repliedhermothercheerfully。
“Lauriediditall。Ionlylethergo。Mother,ifsheshoulddie,itwouldbemyfault。“AndJodroppeddownbesidethebedinapassionofpenitenttears,tellingallthathadhappened,bitterlycondemningherhardnessofheart,andsobbingouthergratitudeforbeingsparedtheheavypunishmentwhichmighthavecomeuponher。
“It’smydreadfultemper!Itrytocureit,IthinkIhave,andthenitbreaksoutworsethanever。OH,Mother,whatshallI
do?WhatshallIdo?“criedpoorJo,indespair。
“Watchandpray,dear,nevergettiredoftrying,andneverthinkitisimpossibletoconqueryourfault,“saidMrs。March,drawingtheblowzyheadtohershoulderandkissingthewetcheeksotenderlythatJocriedevenharder。
“Youdon’tknow,youcan’tguesshowbaditis!ItseemsasifIcoulddoanythingwhenI’minapassion。Igetsosavage,I
couldhurtanyoneandenjoyit。I’mafraidIshalldosomethingdreadfulsomeday,andspoilmylife,andmakeeverybodyhateme。
Oh,Mother,helpme,dohelpme!“
“Iwill,mychild,Iwill。Don’tcrysobitterly,butrememberthisday,andresolvewithallyoursoulthatyouwillneverknowanotherlikeit。Jo,dear,weallhaveourtemptations,somefargreaterthanyours,anditoftentakesusallourlivestoconquerthem。Youthinkyourtemperistheworstintheworld,butmineusedtobejustlikeit。“
“Yours,Mother?Why,youareneverangry!“AndforthemomentJoforgotremorseinsurprise。
“I’vebeentryingtocureitforfortyyears,andhaveonlysucceededincontrollingit。Iamangrynearlyeverydayofmylife,Jo,butIhavelearnednottoshowit,andIstillhopetolearnnottofeelit,thoughitmaytakemeanotherfortyyearstodoso。“
ThepatienceandthehumilityofthefaceshelovedsowellwasabetterlessontoJothanthewisestlecture,thesharpestreproof。Shefeltcomfortedatoncebythesympathyandconfidencegivenher。Theknowledgethathermotherhadafaultlikehers,andtriedtomendit,madeherowneasiertobearandstrengthenedherresolutiontocureit,thoughfortyyearsseemedratheralongtimetowatchandpraytoagirloffifteen。
“Mother,areyouangrywhenyoufoldyourlipstighttogetherandgooutoftheroomsometimes,whenAuntMarchscoldsorpeopleworryyou?“askedJo,feelingneareranddearertohermotherthaneverbefore。
“Yes,I’velearnedtocheckthehastywordsthatrisetomylips,andwhenIfeelthattheymeantobreakoutagainstmywill,Ijustgoawayforaminute,andgivemyselfalittleshakeforbeingsoweakandwicked,“answeredMrs。Marchwithasighandasmile,asshesmoothedandfastenedupJo’sdisheveledhair。
“Howdidyoulearntokeepstill?Thatiswhattroublesme,forthesharpwordsflyoutbeforeIknowwhatI’mabout,andthemoreIsaytheworseIget,tillit’sapleasuretohurtpeople’sfeelingsandsaydreadfulthings。Tellmehowyoudoit,Marmeedear。“
“Mygoodmotherusedtohelpme……“
“Asyoudous……“interruptedJo,withagratefulkiss。
“ButIlostherwhenIwasalittleolderthanyouare,andforyearshadtostruggleonalone,forIwastooproudtoconfessmyweaknesstoanyoneelse。Ihadahardtime,Jo,andshedagoodmanybittertearsovermyfailures,forinspiteofmyeffortsI
neverseemedtogeton。Thenyourfathercame,andIwassohappythatifounditeasytobegood。Butby-and-by,whenIhadfourlittledaughtersroundmeandwewerepoor,thentheoldtroublebeganagain,forIamnotpatientbynature,andittriedmeverymuchtoseemychildrenwantinganything。“
“PoorMother!Whathelpedyouthen?“
“Yourfather,Jo。Heneverlosespatience,neverdoubtsorcomplains,butalwayshopes,andworksandwaitssocheerfullythatoneisashamedtodootherwisebeforehim。Hehelpedandcomfortedme,andshowedmethatImusttrytopracticeallthevirtuesIwouldhavemylittlegirlspossess,forIwastheirexample。Itwaseasiertotryforyoursakesthanformyown。
AstartledorsurprisedlookfromoneofyouwhenIspokesharplyrebukedmemorethananywordscouldhavedone,andthelove,respect,andconfidenceofmychildrenwasthesweetestrewardI
couldreceiveformyeffortstobethewomanIwouldhavethemcopy。“
“Oh,Mother,ifI’meverhalfasgoodasyou,Ishallbesatisfied,“criedJo,muchtouched。
“Ihopeyouwillbeagreatdealbetter,dear,butyoumustkeepwatchoveryour`bosomenemy’,asfathercallsit,oritmaysadden,ifnotspoilyourlife。Youhavehadawarning。
Rememberit,andtrywithheartandsoultomasterthisquicktemper,beforeitbringsyougreatersorrowandregretthanyouhaveknowntoday。“
“Iwilltry,Mother,Itrulywill。Butyoumusthelpme,remindme,andkeepmefromflyingout。IusedtoseeFathersometimesputhisfingeronhislips,andlookatyouwithaverykindbutsoberface,andyoualwaysfoldedyourlipstightandwentaway。Washeremindingyouthen?“askedJosoftly。
“Yes。Iaskedhimtohelpmeso,andheneverforgotit,butsavedmefrommanyasharpwordbythatlittlegestureandkindlook。“
Josawthathermother’seyesfilledandherlipstrembledasshespoke,andfearingthatshehadsaidtoomuch,shewhisperedanxiously,“Wasitwrongtowatchyouandtospeakofit?Ididn’tmeantoberude,butit’ssocomfortabletosayallIthinktoyou,andfeelsosafeandhappyhere。“
“MuJo,youmaysayanythingtoyourmother,foritismygreatesthappinessandpridetofeelthatmygirlsconfideinmeandknowhowmuchIlovethem。“
“IthoughtI’dgrievedyou。“
“No,dear,butspeakingofFatherremindedmehowmuchI
misshim,howmuchIowehim,andhowfaithfullyIshouldwatchandworktokeephislittledaughterssafeandgoodforhim。“
“Yetyoutoldhimtogo,Mother,anddidn’tcrywhenhewent,andnevercomplainnow,orseemasifyouneededanyhelp,“
saidJo,wondering。
“IgavemybesttothecountryIlove,andkeptmytearstillhewasgone。WhyshouldIcomplain,whenwebothhavemerelydoneourdutyandwillsurelybethehappierforitintheend?IfIdon’tseemtoneedhelp,itisbecauseIhaveabetterfriend,eventhanFather,tocomfortandsustainme。Mychild,thetroublesandtemptationsofyourlifearebeginningandmaybemany,butyoucanovercomeandoutlivethemallifyoulearntofeelthestrengthandtendernessofyourHeavenlyFatherasyoudothatofyourearthlyone。ThemoreyouloveandtrustHim,andthelessyouwilldependonhumanpowerandwisdom。Hisloveandcarenevertireorchange,canneverbetakenfromyou,butmybecomethesourceoflifelongpeace,happiness,andstrength。Believethisheartily,andgotoGodwithallyourlittlecares,andhopes,andsins,andsorrows,asfreelyandconfidinglyasyoucometoyourmother。“
Jo’sonlyanswerwastoholdhermotherclose,andinthesilencewhichfollowedthesincerestprayershehadeverprayedleftherheartwithoutwords。Forinthatsadyethappyhour,shehadlearnednotonlythebitternessofremorseanddespair,butthesweetnessofself-denialandself-control,andledbyhermother’shand,shehaddrawnnearertotheFriendwhoalwayswelcomeseverychildwithalovestrongerthanthatofanyfather,tendererthanthatofanymother。
Amystirredandsighedinhersleep,andasifeagertobeginatoncetomendherfault,lJolookedupwithanexpressiononherfacewhichithadneverwornbefore。
“Iletthesungodownonmyanger。Iwouldn’tforgiveher,andtoday,ifithadn’tbeenforLaurie,itmighthavebeentoolate!HowcouldIbesowicked?“saidJo,halfaloud,assheleanedoverhersistersoftlystrokingthewethairscatteredonthepillow。
Asifsheheard,Amyopenedhereyes,andheldoutherarms,withasmilethatwentstraighttoJo’sheart。Neithersaidaword,buttheyhuggedoneanotherclose,inspiteoftheblankets,andeverythingwasforgivenandforgotteninoneheartykiss。
第15章