首页 >出版文学> LITTLE DORRIT>第48章

第48章

  ’Iaminthetwenty-thirdyearofmylifehere,’hesaid,withacatchinhisbreaththatwasnotsomuchasobasanirrepressiblesoundofself-approval,themomentaryoutburstofanobleconsciousness。’ItisallIcoulddoformychildren——Ihavedoneit。Amy,mylove,youarebyfarthebestlovedofthethree;I
  havehadyouprincipallyinmymind——whateverIhavedoneforyoursake,mydearchild,Ihavedonefreelyandwithoutmurmuring。’
  Onlythewisdomthatholdsthecluetoallheartsandallmysteries,cansurelyknowtowhatextentaman,especiallyamanbroughtdownasthismanhadbeen,canimposeuponhimself。
  Enough,forthepresentplace,thathelaydownwithweteyelashes,serene,inamannermajestic,afterbestowinghislifeofdegradationasasortofportiononthedevotedchilduponwhomitsmiserieshadfallensoheavily,andwhoselovealonehadsavedhimtobeevenwhathewas。
  Thatchildhadnodoubts,askedherselfnoquestion,forshewasbuttoocontenttoseehimwithalustreroundhishead。Poordear,gooddear,truest,kindest,dearest,weretheonlywordsshehadforhim,asshehushedhimtorest。
  Sheneverlefthimallthatnight。Asifshehaddonehimawrongwhichhertendernesscouldhardlyrepair,shesatbyhiminhissleep,attimessoftlykissinghimwithsuspendedbreath,andcallinghiminawhisperbysomeendearingname。Attimesshestoodasidesoasnottointerceptthelowfire-light,and,watchinghimwhenitfelluponhissleepingface,wondereddidhelooknowatallashehadlookedwhenhewasprosperousandhappy;
  ashehadsotouchedherbyimaginingthathemightlookoncemoreinthatawfultime。Atthethoughtofthattime,shekneeledbesidehisbedagain,andprayed,’Osparehislife!Osavehimtome!Olookdownuponmydear,long-suffering,unfortunate,much-
  changed,deardearfather!’
  Notuntilthemorningcametoprotecthimandencouragehim,didshegivehimalastkissandleavethesmallroom。Whenshehadstolendown-stairs,andalongtheemptyyard,andhadcreptuptoherownhighgarret,thesmokelesshousetopsandthedistantcountryhillswerediscernibleoverthewallintheclearmorning。
  Asshegentlyopenedthewindow,andlookedeastwarddowntheprisonyard,thespikesuponthewallweretippedwithred,thenmadeasullenpurplepatternonthesunasitcameflamingupintotheheavens。Thespikeshadneverlookedsosharpandcruel,northebarssoheavy,northeprisonspacesogloomyandcontracted。
  Shethoughtofthesunriseonrollingrivers,ofthesunriseonwideseas,ofthesunriseonrichlandscapes,ofthesunriseongreatforestswherethebirdswerewakingandthetreeswererustling;andshelookeddownintothelivinggraveonwhichthesunhadrisen,withherfatherinitthree-and-twentyyears,andsaid,inaburstofsorrowandcompassion,’No,no,Ihaveneverseenhiminmylife!’
  MovinginSocietyIfYoungJohnChiveryhadhadtheinclinationandthepowertowriteasatireonfamilypride,hewouldhavehadnoneedtogoforanavengingillustrationoutofthefamilyofhisbeloved。Hewouldhavefounditamplyinthatgallantbrotherandthatdaintysister,sosteepedinmeanexperiences,andsoloftilyconsciousofthefamilyname;soreadytobegorborrowfromthepoorest,toeatofanybody’sbread,spendanybody’smoney,drinkfromanybody’scupandbreakitafterwards。Tohavepaintedthesordidfactsoftheirlives,andtheythroughoutinvokingthedeath’sheadapparitionofthefamilygentilitytocomeandscaretheirbenefactors,wouldhavemadeYoungJohnasatiristofthefirstwater。
  Tiphadturnedhislibertytohopefulaccountbybecomingabilliard-marker。Hehadtroubledhimselfsolittleastothemeansofhisrelease,thatClennamscarcelyneededtohavebeenatthepainsofimpressingthemindofMrPlornishonthatsubject。
  Whoeverhadpaidhimthecompliment,heveryreadilyacceptedthecomplimentwithHIScompliments,andtherewasanendofit。
  Issuingforthfromthegateontheseeasyterms,hebecameabilliard-marker;andnowoccasionallylookedinatthelittleskittle-groundinagreenNewmarketcoatsecond-hand,withashiningcollarandbrightbuttonsnew,anddrankthebeeroftheCollegians。
  Onesolidstationarypointintheloosenessofthisgentleman’scharacterwas,thatherespectedandadmiredhissisterAmy。Thefeelinghadneverinducedhimtospareheramoment’suneasiness,ortoputhimselftoanyrestraintorinconvenienceonheraccount;
  butwiththatMarshalseataintuponhislove,helovedher。ThesamerankMarshalseaflavourwastoberecognisedinhisdistinctlyperceivingthatshesacrificedherlifetoherfather,andinhishavingnoideathatshehaddoneanythingforhimself。
  WhenthisspiritedyoungmanandhissisterhadbegunsystematicallytoproducethefamilyskeletonfortheoverawingoftheCollege,thisnarrativecannotpreciselystate。ProbablyatabouttheperiodwhentheybegantodineontheCollegecharity。
  Itiscertainthatthemorereducedandnecessitoustheywere,themorepompouslytheskeletonemergedfromitstomb;andthatwhentherewasanythingparticularlyshabbyinthewind,theskeletonalwayscameoutwiththeghastliestflourish。
  LittleDorritwaslateontheMondaymorning,forherfathersleptlate,andafterwardstherewashisbreakfasttoprepareandhisroomtoarrange。Shehadnoengagementtogoouttowork,however,andthereforestayedwithhimuntil,withMaggy’shelp,shehadputeverythingrightabouthim,andhadseenhimoffuponhismorningwalkoftwentyyardsorsotothecoffee-housetoreadthepaper。
  Shethengotonherbonnetandwentout,havingbeenanxioustogetoutmuchsooner。Therewas,asusual,acessationofthesmall-
  talkintheLodgeasshepassedthroughit;andaCollegianwhohadcomeinonSaturdaynight,receivedtheintimationfromtheelbowofamoreseasonedCollegian,’Lookout。Heresheis!’
  Shewantedtoseehersister,butwhenshegotroundtoMrCripples’s,shefoundthatbothhersisterandherunclehadgonetothetheatrewheretheywereengaged。Havingtakenthoughtofthisprobabilitybytheway,andhavingsettledthatinsuchcaseshewouldfollowthem,shesetoffafreshforthetheatre,whichwasonthatsideoftheriver,andnotveryfaraway。
  LittleDorritwasalmostasignorantofthewaysoftheatresasofthewaysofgoldmines,andwhenshewasdirectedtoafurtivesortofdoor,withacuriousup-all-nightairaboutit,thatappearedtobeashamedofitselfandtobehidinginanalley,shehesitatedtoapproachit;beingfurtherdeterredbythesightofsomehalf-dozenclose-shavedgentlemenwiththeirhatsverystrangelyon,whowereloungingaboutthedoor,lookingnotatallunlikeCollegians。Onherapplyingtothem,reassuredbythisresemblance,foradirectiontoMissDorrit,theymadewayforhertoenteradarkhall——itwasmorelikeagreatgrimlampgoneoutthananythingelse——whereshecouldhearthedistantplayingofmusicandthesoundofdancingfeet。Amansomuchinwantofairingthathehadabluemoulduponhim,satwatchingthisdarkplacefromaholeinacorner,likeaspider;andhetoldherthathewouldsendamessageuptoMissDorritbythefirstladyorgentlemanwhowentthrough。Thefirstladywhowentthroughhadarollofmusic,halfinhermuffandhalfoutofit,andwasinsuchatumbledconditionaltogether,thatitseemedasifitwouldbeanactofkindnesstoironher。Butasshewasverygood-natured,andsaid,’Comewithme;I’llsoonfindMissDorritforyou,’MissDorrit’ssisterwentwithher,drawingnearerandnearerateverystepshetookinthedarknesstothesoundofmusicandthesoundofdancingfeet。
  Atlasttheycameintoamazeofdust,whereaquantityofpeopleweretumblingoveroneanother,andwheretherewassuchaconfusionofunaccountableshapesofbeams,bulkheads,brickwalls,ropes,androllers,andsuchamixingofgaslightanddaylight,thattheyseemedtohavegotonthewrongsideofthepatternoftheuniverse。LittleDorrit,lefttoherself,andknockedagainstbysomebodyeverymoment,wasquitebewildered,whensheheardhersister’svoice。
  ’Why,goodgracious,Amy,whateverbroughtyouhere?’
  ’Iwantedtoseeyou,Fannydear;andasIamgoingoutalldayto-
  morrow,andknewyoumightbeengagedalldayto-day,Ithought——’
  ’Buttheidea,Amy,ofYOUcomingbehind!Ineverdid!’Ashersistersaidthisinnoverycordialtoneofwelcome,sheconductedhertoamoreopenpartofthemaze,wherevariousgoldenchairsandtableswereheapedtogether,andwhereanumberofyoungladiesweresittingonanythingtheycouldfind,chattering。Alltheseyoungladieswantedironing,andallhadacuriouswayoflookingeverywherewhiletheychattered。
  justasthesistersarrivedhere,amonotonousboyinaScotchcapputhisheadroundabeamontheleft,andsaid,’Lessnoisethere,ladies!’anddisappeared。Immediatelyafterwhich,asprightlygentlemanwithaquantityoflongblackhairlookedroundabeamontheright,andsaid,’Lessnoisethere,darlings!’andalsodisappeared。
  ’Thenotionofyouamongprofessionals,Amy,isreallythelastthingIcouldhaveconceived!’saidhersister。’Why,howdidyouevergethere?’
  ’Idon’tknow。TheladywhotoldyouIwashere,wassogoodastobringmein。’
  ’Likeyouquietlittlethings!Youcanmakeyourwayanywhere,I
  believe。Icouldn’thavemanagedit,Amy,thoughIknowsomuchmoreoftheworld。’
  Itwasthefamilycustomtolayitdownasfamilylaw,thatshewasaplaindomesticlittlecreature,withoutthegreatandsageexperienceoftherest。Thisfamilyfictionwasthefamilyassertionofitselfagainstherservices。Nottomaketoomuchofthem。
  ’Well!Andwhathaveyougotonyourmind,Amy?Ofcourseyouhavegotsomethingonyourmindaboutme?’saidFanny。Shespokeasifhersister,betweentwoandthreeyearsherjunior,wereherprejudicedgrandmother。
  ’Itisnotmuch;butsinceyoutoldmeoftheladywhogaveyouthebracelet,Fanny——’
  Themonotonousboyputhisheadroundthebeamontheleft,andsaid,’Lookoutthere,ladies!’anddisappeared。Thesprightlygentlemanwiththeblackhairassuddenlyputhisheadroundthebeamontheright,andsaid,’Lookoutthere,darlings!’andalsodisappeared。Thereuponalltheyoungladiesroseandbeganshakingtheirskirtsoutbehind。
  ’Well,Amy?’saidFanny,doingastherestdid;’whatwereyougoingtosay?’
  ’Sinceyoutoldmealadyhadgivenyouthebraceletyoushowedme,Fanny,Ihavenotbeenquiteeasyonyouraccount,andindeedwanttoknowalittlemoreifyouwillconfidemoretome。’
  ’Now,ladies!’saidtheboyintheScotchcap。’Now,darlings!’
  saidthegentlemanwiththeblackhair。Theywereeveryonegoneinamoment,andthemusicandthedancingfeetwereheardagain。
  LittleDorritsatdowninagoldenchair,madequitegiddybytheserapidinterruptions。Hersisterandtherestwerealongtimegone;andduringtheirabsenceavoiceitappearedtobethatofthegentlemanwiththeblackhairwascontinuallycallingoutthroughthemusic,’One,two,three,four,five,six——go!One,two,three,four,five,six——go!Steady,darlings!One,two,three,four,five,six——go!’Ultimatelythevoicestopped,andtheyallcamebackagain,moreorlessoutofbreath,foldingthemselvesintheirshawls,andmakingreadyforthestreets。