首页 >出版文学> LITTLE DORRIT>第47章

第47章

  There,thetablewaslaidforhissupper,andhisoldgreygownwasreadyforhimonhischair-backatthefire。Hisdaughterputherlittleprayer-bookinherpocket——hadshebeenprayingforpityonallprisonersandcaptives!——androsetowelcomehim。
  Unclehadgonehome,then?sheasked@asshechangedhiscoatandgavehimhisblackvelvetcap。Yes,unclehadgonehome。Hadherfatherenjoyedhiswalk?Why,notmuch,Amy;notmuch。No!Didhenotfeelquitewell?
  Asshestoodbehindhim,leaningoverhischairsolovingly,helookedwithdowncasteyesatthefire。Anuneasinessstoleoverhimthatwaslikeatouchofshame;andwhenhespoke,ashepresentlydid,itwasinanunconnectedandembarrassedmanner。
  ’Something,I——hem!——Idon’tknowwhat,hasgonewrongwithChivery。Heisnot——ha!——notnearlysoobligingandattentiveasusualto-night。It——hem!——it’salittlething,butitputsmeout,mylove。It’simpossibletoforget,’turninghishandsoverandoverandlookingcloselyatthem,’that——hem!——thatinsuchalifeasmine,Iamunfortunatelydependentonthesemenforsomethingeveryhourintheday。’
  Herarmwasonhisshoulder,butshedidnotlookinhisfacewhilehespoke。Bendingherheadshelookedanotherway。
  ’I——hem!——Ican’tthink,Amy,whathasgivenChiveryoffence。Heisgenerallyso——soveryattentiveandrespectful。Andto-nighthewasquite——quiteshortwithme。Otherpeopletheretoo!Why,goodHeaven!ifIwastolosethesupportandrecognitionofChiveryandhisbrotherofficers,Imightstarvetodeathhere。’Whilehespoke,hewasopeningandshuttinghishandslikevalves;soconsciousallthetimeofthattouchofshame,thatheshrunkbeforehisownknowledgeofhismeaning。
  ’I——ha!——Ican’tthinkwhatit’sowingto。IamsureIcannotimaginewhatthecauseofitis。TherewasacertainJacksonhereonce,aturnkeyofthenameofJacksonIdon’tthinkyoucanrememberhim,mydear,youwereveryyoung,and——hem!——andhehada——brother,andthis——youngbrotherpaidhisaddressesto——atleast,didnotgosofarastopayhisaddressesto——butadmired——
  respectfullyadmired——the——notdaughter,thesister——ofoneofus;
  aratherdistinguishedCollegian;Imaysay,verymuchso。HisnamewasCaptainMartin;andheconsultedmeonthequestionwhetherItwasnecessarythathisdaughter——sister——shouldhazardoffendingtheturnkeybrotherbybeingtoo——ha!——tooplainwiththeotherbrother。CaptainMartinwasagentlemanandamanofhonour,andIputittohimfirsttogivemehis——hisownopinion。CaptainMartinhighlyrespectedinthearmythenunhesitatinglysaidthatitappearedtohimthathis——hem!——sisterwasnotcalledupontounderstandtheyoungmantoodistinctly,andthatshemightleadhimon——Iamdoubtfulwhether“leadhimon“wasCaptainMartin’sexactexpression:indeedIthinkhesaidtoleratehim——onherfather’s——Ishouldsay,brother’s——account。IhardlyknowhowI
  havestrayedintothisstory。IsupposeithasbeenthroughbeingunabletoaccountforChivery;butastotheconnectionbetweenthetwo,Idon’tsee——’
  Hisvoicediedaway,asifshecouldnotbearthepainofhearinghim,andherhandhadgraduallycrepttohislips。Foralittlewhiletherewasadeadsilenceandstillness;andheremainedshrunkinhischair,andsheremainedwithherarmroundhisneckandherheadboweddownuponhisshoulder。
  Hissupperwascookinginasaucepanonthefire,and,whenshemoved,itwastomakeitreadyforhimonthetable。Hetookhisusualseat,shetookhers,andhebeganhismeal。Theydidnot,asyet,lookatoneanother。Bylittleandlittlehebegan;layingdownhisknifeandforkwithanoise,takingthingsupsharply,bitingathisbreadasifhewereoffendedwithit,andinothersimilarwaysshowingthathewasoutofsorts。Atlengthhepushedhisplatefromhim,andspokealoud;withthestrangestinconsistency。
  ’WhatdoesitmatterwhetherIeatorstarve?Whatdoesitmatterwhethersuchablightedlifeasminecomestoanend,now,nextweek,ornextyear?WhatamIworthtoanyone?Apoorprisoner,fedonalmsandbrokenvictuals;asqualid,disgracedwretch!’
  ’Father,father!’Asheroseshewentonherkneestohim,andheldupherhandstohim。
  ’Amy,’hewentoninasuppressedvoice,tremblingviolently,andlookingatheraswildlyasifhehadgonemad。’Itellyou,ifyoucouldseemeasyourmothersawme,youwouldn’tbelieveittobethecreatureyouhaveonlylookedatthroughthebarsofthiscage。Iwasyoung,Iwasaccomplished,Iwasgood-looking,Iwasindependent——byGodIwas,child!——andpeoplesoughtmeout,andenviedme。Enviedme!’
  ’Dearfather!’Shetriedtotakedowntheshakingarmthatheflourishedintheair,butheresisted,andputherhandaway。
  ’IfIhadbutapictureofmyselfinthosedays,thoughitwaseversoilldone,youwouldbeproudofit,youwouldbeproudofit。
  ButIhavenosuchthing。Now,letmebeawarning!Letnoman,’
  hecried,lookinghaggardlyabout,’failtopreserveatleastthatlittleofthetimesofhisprosperityandrespect。Lethischildrenhavethatcluetowhathewas。Unlessmyface,whenIamdead,subsidesintothelongdepartedlook——theysaysuchthingshappen,Idon’tknow——mychildrenwillhaveneverseenme。’
  ’Father,father!’
  ’Odespiseme,despiseme!Lookawayfromme,don’tlistentome,stopme,blushforme,cryforme——evenyou,Amy!Doit,doit!
  Idoittomyself!Iamhardenednow,Ihavesunktoolowtocarelongevenforthat。’
  ’Dearfather,lovedfather,darlingofmyheart!’Shewasclingingtohimwithherarms,andshegothimtodropintohischairagain,andcaughtattheraisedarm,andtriedtoputitroundherneck。
  ’Letitliethere,father。Lookatme,father,kissme,father!
  Onlythinkofme,father,foronelittlemoment!’
  Stillhewentoninthesamewildway,thoughitwasgraduallybreakingdownintoamiserablewhining。
  ’AndyetIhavesomerespecthere。Ihavemadesomestandagainstit。Iamnotquitetroddendown。Gooutandaskwhoisthechiefpersonintheplace。They’lltellyouit’syourfather。Gooutandaskwhoisnevertrifledwith,andwhoisalwaystreatedwithsomedelicacy。They’llsay,yourfather。Gooutandaskwhatfuneralhereitmustbehere,Iknowitcanbenowhereelsewillmakemoretalk,andperhapsmoregrief,thananythathasevergoneoutatthegate。They’llsayyourfather’s。Wellthen。Amy!
  Amy!Isyourfathersouniversallydespised?Istherenothingtoredeemhim?Willyouhavenothingtorememberhimbybuthisruinanddecay?Willyoubeabletohavenoaffectionforhimwhenheisgone,poorcastaway,gone?’
  Heburstintotearsofmaudlinpityforhimself,andatlengthsufferinghertoembracehimandtakechargeofhim,lethisgreyheadrestagainsthercheek,andbewailedhiswretchedness。
  Presentlyhechangedthesubjectofhislamentations,andclaspinghishandsaboutherassheembracedhim,cried,OAmy,hismotherless,forlornchild!Othedaysthathehadseenhercarefulandlaboriousforhim!Thenherevertedtohimself,andweaklytoldherhowmuchbettershewouldhavelovedhimifshehadknownhiminhisvanishedcharacter,andhowhewouldhavemarriedhertoagentlemanwhoshouldhavebeenproudofherashisdaughter,andhowatwhichhecriedagainsheshouldfirsthaveriddenathisfatherlysideonherownhorse,andhowthecrowdbywhichhemeantineffectthepeoplewhohadgivenhimthetwelveshillingshethenhadinhispocketshouldhavetrudgedthedustyroadsrespectfully。
  Thus,nowboasting,nowdespairing,ineitherfitacaptivewiththejail-rotuponhim,andtheimpurityofhisprisonwornintothegrainofhissoul,herevealedhisdegeneratestatetohisaffectionatechild。Nooneelseeverbeheldhiminthedetailsofhishumiliation。LittlereckedtheCollegianswhowerelaughingintheirroomsoverhislateaddressintheLodge,whataseriouspicturetheyhadintheirobscuregalleryoftheMarshalseathatSundaynight。
  Therewasaclassicaldaughteronce——perhaps——whoministeredtoherfatherinhisprisonashermotherhadministeredtoher。LittleDorrit,thoughoftheunheroicmodernstockandmereEnglish,didmuchmore,incomfortingherfather’swastedheartuponherinnocentbreast,andturningtoitafountainofloveandfidelitythatneverrandryorwanedthroughallhisyearsoffamine。
  Shesoothedhim;askedhimforhisforgivenessifshehadbeen,orseemedtohavebeen,undutiful;toldhim,Heavenknowstruly,thatshecouldnothonourhimmoreifhewerethefavouriteofFortuneandthewholeworldacknowledgedhim。Whenhistearsweredried,andhesobbedinhisweaknessnolonger,andwasfreefromthattouchofshame,andhadrecoveredhisusualbearing,shepreparedtheremainsofhissupperafresh,and,sittingbyhisside,rejoicedtoseehimeatanddrink。Fornowhesatinhisblackvelvetcapandoldgreygown,magnanimousagain;andwouldhavecomportedhimselftowardsanyCollegianwhomighthavelookedintoaskhisadvice,likeagreatmoralLordChesterfield,orMasteroftheethicalceremoniesoftheMarshalsea。
  Tokeephisattentionengaged,shetalkedwithhimabouthiswardrobe;whenhewaspleasedtosay,thatYes,indeed,thoseshirtssheproposedwouldbeexceedinglyacceptable,forthosehehadwerewornout,and,beingready-made,hadneverfittedhim。
  Beingconversational,andinareasonableflowofspirits,hetheninvitedherattentiontohiscoatasithungbehindthedoor:
  remarkingthattheFatheroftheplacewouldsetanindifferentexampletohischildren,alreadydisposedtobeslovenly,ifhewentamongthemoutatelbows。Hewasjocular,too,astotheheelingofhisshoes;butbecamegraveonthesubjectofhiscravat,andpromisedherthat,whenshecouldaffordit,sheshouldbuyhimanewone。
  Whilehesmokedouthiscigarinpeace,shemadehisbed,andputthesmallroominorderforhisrepose。Beingwearythen,owingtotheadvancedhourandhisemotions,hecameoutofhischairtoblessherandwishherGoodnight。AllthistimehehadneveroncethoughtofHERdress,hershoes,herneedofanything。Nootherpersonuponearth,saveherself,couldhavebeensounmindfulofherwants。
  Hekissedhermanytimeswith’Blessyou,mylove。Goodnight,MY
  dear!’
  Buthergentlebreasthadbeensodeeplywoundedbywhatshehadseenofhimthatshewasunwillingtoleavehimalone,lestheshouldlamentanddespairagain。’Father,dear,Iamnottired;
  letmecomebackpresently,whenyouareinbed,andsitbyyou。’
  Heaskedher,withanairofprotection,ifshefeltsolitary?
  ’Yes,father。’
  ’Thencomebackbyallmeans,mylove。’
  ’Ishallbeveryquiet,father。’
  ’Don’tthinkofme,mydear,’hesaid,givingherhiskindpermissionfully。’Comebackbyallmeans。’
  Heseemedtobedozingwhenshereturned,andsheputthelowfiretogetherverysoftlylestsheshouldawakehim。Butheoverheardher,andcalledoutwhowasthat?
  ’OnlyAmy,father。’
  ’Amy,mychild,comehere。Iwanttosayawordtoyou。’Heraisedhimselfalittleinhislowbed,asshekneeledbesideittobringherfacenearhim;andputhishandbetweenhers。O!BoththeprivatefatherandtheFatheroftheMarshalseawerestrongwithinhimthen。
  ’Mylove,youhavehadalifeofhardshiphere。Nocompanions,norecreations,manycaresIamafraid?’
  ’Don’tthinkofthat,dear。Ineverdo。’
  ’Youknowmyposition,Amy。Ihavenotbeenabletodomuchforyou;butallIhavebeenabletodo,Ihavedone。’
  ’Yes,mydearfather,’sherejoined,kissinghim。’Iknow,I
  know。’