首页 >出版文学> LITTLE DORRIT>第155章

第155章

  ’Youknow,now,whatIhavedone。’
  ’Ithinkso。Iamafraidso;thoughmymindissohurried,andsosorry,andhassomuchtopitythatithasnotbeenabletofollowallIhaveread,’saidLittleDorrittremulously。
  ’IwillrestoretoyouwhatIhavewithheldfromyou。Forgiveme。
  Canyouforgiveme?’
  ’Ican,andHeavenknowsIdo!Donotkissmydressandkneeltome;youaretoooldtokneeltome;Iforgiveyoufreelywithoutthat。’
  ’Ihavemoreyettoask。’
  ’Notinthatposture,’saidLittleDorrit。’Itisunnaturaltoseeyourgreyhairlowerthanmine。Prayrise;letmehelpyou。’Withthatsheraisedherup,andstoodrathershrinkingfromher,butlookingatherearnestly。
  ’ThegreatpetitionthatImaketoyouthereisanotherwhichgrowsoutofit,thegreatsupplicationthatIaddresstoyourmercifulandgentleheart,is,thatyouwillnotdisclosethistoArthuruntilIamdead。Ifyouthink,whenyouhavehadtimeforconsideration,thatitcandohimanygoodtoknowitwhileIamyetalive,thentellhim。Butyouwillnotthinkthat;andinsuchcase,willyoupromisemetosparemeuntilIamdead?’
  ’Iamsosorry,andwhatIhavereadhassoconfusedmythoughts,’
  returnedLittleDorrit,’thatIcanscarcelygiveyouasteadyanswer。IfIshouldbequitesurethattobeacquaintedwithitwilldoMrClennamnogood——’
  ’Iknowyouareattachedtohim,andwillmakehimthefirstconsideration。Itisrightthatheshouldbethefirstconsideration。Iaskthat。But,havingregardedhim,andstillfindingthatyoumaysparemeforthelittletimeIshallremainonearth,willyoudoit?’
  ’Iwill。’
  ’GODblessyou!’
  ShestoodintheshadowsothatshewasonlyaveiledformtoLittleDorritinthelight;butthesoundofhervoice,insayingthosethreegratefulwords,wasatonceferventandbroken——brokenbyemotionasunfamiliartoherfrozeneyesasactiontoherfrozenlimbs。
  ’Youwillwonder,perhaps,’shesaidinastrongertone,’thatI
  canbetterbeartobeknowntoyouwhomIhavewronged,thantothesonofmyenemywhowrongedme——Forshedidwrongme!ShenotonlysinnedgrievouslyagainsttheLord,butshewrongedme。WhatArthur’sfatherwastome,shemadehim。FromourmarriagedayI
  washisdread,andthatshemademe。Iwasthescourgeofboth,andthatisreferabletoher。YouloveArthurIcanseetheblushuponyourface;mayitbethedawnofhappierdaystobothofyou!,andyouwillhavethoughtalreadythatheisasmercifulandkindasyou,andwhydoInottrustmyselftohimassoonastoyou。Haveyounotthoughtso?’
  ’Nothought,’saidLittleDorrit,’canbequiteastrangertomyheart,thatspringsoutoftheknowledgethatMrClennamisalwaystoberelieduponforbeingkindandgenerousandgood。’
  ’Idonotdoubtit。YetArthuris,ofthewholeworld,theonepersonfromwhomIwouldconcealthis,whileIaminit。Ikeptoverhimasachild,inthedaysofhisfirstremembrance,myrestrainingandcorrectinghand。Iwassternwithhim,knowingthatthetransgressionsoftheparentsarevisitedontheiroffspring,andthattherewasanangrymarkuponhimathisbirth。
  Ihavesatwithhimandhisfather,seeingtheweaknessofhisfatheryearningtounbendtohim;andforcingitback,thatthechildmightworkouthisreleaseinbondageandhardship。Ihaveseenhim,withhismother’sface,lookingupatmeinawefromhislittlebooks,andtryingtosoftenmewithhismother’swaysthathardenedme。’
  Theshrinkingofherauditressstoppedherforamomentinherflowofwords,deliveredinaretrospectivegloomyvoice。
  ’Forhisgood。Notforthesatisfactionofmyinjury。WhatwasI,andwhatwastheworthofthat,beforethecurseofHeaven!Ihaveseenthatchildgrowup;nottobepiousinachosenwayhismother’sinfluencelaytooheavyonhimforthat,butstilltobejustandupright,andtobesubmissivetome。Heneverlovedme,asIoncehalf-hopedhemight——sofrailweare,andsodothecorruptaffectionsofthefleshwarwithourtrustsandtasks;buthealwaysrespectedmeandorderedhimselfdutifullytome。Hedoestothishour。Withanemptyplaceinhisheartthathehasneverknownthemeaningof,hehasturnedawayfrommeandgonehisseparateroad;buteventhathehasdoneconsideratelyandwithdeference。Thesehavebeenhisrelationstowardsme。Yourshavebeenofamuchslighterkind,spreadoveramuchshortertime。
  Whenyouhavesatatyourneedleinmyroom,youhavebeeninfearofme,butyouhavesupposedmetohavebeendoingyouakindness;
  youarebetterinformednow,andknowmetohavedoneyouaninjury。Yourmisconstructionandmisunderstandingofthecauseinwhich,andthemotiveswithwhich,Ihaveworkedoutthiswork,islightertoendurethanhiswouldbe。Iwouldnot,foranyworldlyrecompenseIcanimagine,havehiminamoment,howeverblindly,throwmedownfromthestationIhaveheldbeforehimallhislife,andchangemealtogetherintosomethinghewouldcastoutofhisrespect,andthinkdetectedandexposed。Lethimdoit,ifitmustbedone,whenIamnotheretoseeit。Letmeneverfeel,whileI
  amstillalive,thatIdiebeforehisface,andutterlyperishawayfromhim,likeoneconsumedbylightningandswallowedbyanearthquake。’
  Herpridewasverystronginher,thepainofitandofheroldpassionswasverysharpwithher,whenshethusexpressedherself。
  Notlessso,whensheadded:
  ’Evennow,IseeYOUshrinkfromme,asifIhadbeencruel。’
  LittleDorritcouldnotgainsayit。Shetriednottoshowit,butsherecoiledwithdreadfromthestateofmindthathadburntsofiercelyandlastedsolong。Itpresenteditselftoher,withnosophistryuponit,initsownplainnature。
  ’Ihavedone,’saidMrsClennam,’whatitwasgiventometodo。I
  havesetmyselfagainstevil;notagainstgood。Ihavebeenaninstrumentofseverityagainstsin。Havenotmeresinnerslikemyselfbeencommissionedtolayitlowinalltime?’
  ’Inalltime?’repeatedLittleDorrit。
  ’Evenifmyownwronghadprevailedwithme,andmyownvengeancehadmovedme,couldIhavefoundnojustification?Noneintheolddayswhentheinnocentperishedwiththeguilty2athousandtoone?Whenthewrathofthehateroftheunrighteouswasnotslakedeveninblood,andyetfoundfavour?’
  ’O,MrsClennam,MrsClennam,’saidLittleDorrit,’angryfeelingsandunforgivingdeedsarenocomfortandnoguidetoyouandme。
  Mylifehasbeenpassedinthispoorprison,andmyteachinghasbeenverydefective;butletmeimploreyoutorememberlaterandbetterdays。Beguidedonlybythehealerofthesick,theraiserofthedead,thefriendofallwhowereafflictedandforlorn,thepatientMasterwhoshedtearsofcompassionforourinfirmities。
  Wecannotbutberightifweputalltherestaway,anddoeverythinginremembranceofHim。ThereisnovengeanceandnoinflictionofsufferinginHislife,Iamsure。TherecanbenoconfusioninfollowingHim,andseekingfornootherfootsteps,I
  amcertain。’
  Inthesoftenedlightofthewindow,lookingfromthesceneofherearlytrialstotheshiningsky,shewasnotinstrongeroppositiontotheblackfigureintheshadethanthelifeanddoctrineonwhichsherestedweretothatfigure’shistory。Itbentitsheadlowagain,andsaidnotaword。Itremainedthus,untilthefirstwarningbellbegantoring。
  ’Hark!’criedMrsClennamstarting,’IsaidIhadanotherpetition。
  Itisonethatdoesnotadmitofdelay。Themanwhobroughtyouthispacketandpossessestheseproofs,isnowwaitingatmyhousetobeboughtoff。IcankeepthisfromArthur,onlybybuyinghimoff。Heasksalargesum;morethanIcangettogethertopayhimwithouthavingtime。Herefusestomakeanyabatement,becausehisthreatis,thatifhefailswithme,hewillcometoyou。Willyoureturnwithmeandshowhimthatyoualreadyknowit?Willyoureturnwithmeandtrytoprevailwithhim?Willyoucomeandhelpmewithhim?DonotrefusewhatIaskinArthur’sname,thoughI
  darenotaskitforArthur’ssake!’
  LittleDorrityieldedwillingly。Sheglidedawayintotheprisonforafewmoments,returned,andsaidshewasreadytogo。Theywentoutbyanotherstaircase,avoidingthelodge;andcomingintothefrontcourt-yard,nowallquietanddeserted,gainedthestreet。
  Itwasoneofthosesummereveningswhenthereisnogreaterdarknessthanalongtwilight。Thevistaofstreetandbridgewasplaintosee,andtheskywassereneandbeautiful。Peoplestoodandsatattheirdoors,playingwithchildrenandenjoyingtheevening;numberswerewalkingforair;theworryofthedayhadalmostworrieditselfout,andfewbutthemselveswerehurried。Astheycrossedthebridge,theclearsteeplesofthemanychurcheslookedasiftheyhadadvancedoutofthemurkthatusuallyenshroudedthem,andcomemuchnearer。Thesmokethatroseintotheskyhadlostitsdingyhueandtakenabrightnessuponit。Thebeautiesofthesunsethadnotfadedfromthelonglightfilmsofcloudthatlayatpeaceinthehorizon。Fromaradiantcentre,overthewholelengthandbreadthofthetranquilfirmament,greatshootsoflightstreamedamongtheearlystars,likesignsoftheblessedlatercovenantofpeaceandhopethatchangedthecrownofthornsintoaglory。
  Lessremarkable,nowthatshewasnotaloneanditwasdarker,MrsClennamhurriedonatLittleDorrit’sside,unmolested。Theyleftthegreatthoroughfareattheturningbywhichshehadenteredit,andwoundtheirwaydownamongthesilent,empty,cross-streets。
  Theirfeetwereatthegateway,whentherewasasuddennoiselikethunder。
  ’Whatwasthat!Letusmakehastein,’criedMrsClennam。
  Theywereinthegateway。LittleDorrit,withapiercingcry,heldherback。
  Inoneswiftinstanttheoldhousewasbeforethem,withthemanlyingsmokinginthewindow;anotherthunderingsound,anditheaved,surgedoutward,openedasunderinfiftyplaces,collapsed,andfell。Deafenedbythenoise,stifled,choked,andblindedbythedust,theyhidtheirfacesandstoodrootedtothespot。Theduststorm,drivingbetweenthemandtheplacidsky,partedforamomentandshowedthemthestars。Astheylookedup,wildlycryingforhelp,thegreatpileofchimneys,whichwasthenaloneleftstandinglikeatowerinawhirlwind,rocked,broke,andhaileditselfdownupontheheapofruin,asifeverytumblingfragmentwereintentonburyingthecrushedwretchdeeper。
  Soblackenedbytheflyingparticlesofrubbishastobeunrecognisable,theyranbackfromthegatewayintothestreet,cryingandshrieking。There,MrsClennamdroppeduponthestones;
  andsheneverfromthathourmovedsomuchasafingeragain,orhadthepowertospeakoneword。Forupwardsofthreeyearsshereclinedinawheeledchair,lookingattentivelyatthoseaboutherandappearingtounderstandwhattheysaid;buttherigidsilenceshehadsolongheldwasevermoreenforceduponher,andexceptthatshecouldmovehereyesandfaintlyexpressanegativeandaffirmativewithherhead,shelivedanddiedastatue。
  Afferyhadbeenlookingforthemattheprison,andhadcaughtsightofthematadistanceonthebridge。Shecameuptoreceiveheroldmistressinherarms,tohelptocarryherintoaneighbouringhouse,andtobefaithfultoher。Themysteryofthenoiseswasoutnow;Affery,likegreaterpeople,hadalwaysbeenrightinherfacts,andalwayswronginthetheoriesshededucedfromthem。
  Whenthestormofdusthadclearedawayandthesummernightwascalmagain,numbersofpeoplechokedupeveryavenueofaccess,andpartiesofdiggerswereformedtorelieveoneanotherindiggingamongtheruins。Therehadbeenahundredpeopleinthehouseatthetimeofitsfall,therehadbeenfifty,therehadbeenfifteen,therehadbeentwo。Rumourfinallysettledthenumberattwo;theforeignerandMrFlintwinch。
  Thediggersdugallthroughtheshortnightbyflaringpipesofgas,andonalevelwiththeearlysun,anddeeperanddeeperbelowitasitroseintoitszenith,andaslantofitasitdeclined,andonalevelwithitagainasitdeparted。Sturdydigging,andshovelling,andcarryingaway,incarts,barrows,andbaskets,wentonwithoutintermission,bynightandbyday;butitwasnightforthesecondtimewhentheyfoundthedirtyheapofrubbishthathadbeentheforeignerbeforehisheadhadbeenshiveredtoatoms,likesomuchglass,bythegreatbeamthatlayuponhim,crushinghim。
  Still,theyhadnotcomeuponFlintwinchyet;sothesturdydiggingandshovellingandcarryingawaywentonwithoutintermissionbynightandbyday。Itgotaboutthattheoldhousehadhadfamouscellaragewhichindeedwastrue,andthatFlintwinchhadbeeninacellaratthemoment,orhadhadtimetoescapeintoone,andthathewassafeunderitsstrongarch,andeventhathehadbeenheardtocry,inhollow,subterranean,suffocatednotes,’HereI
  am!’Attheoppositeextremityofthetownitwasevenknownthattheexcavatorshadbeenabletoopenacommunicationwithhimthroughapipe,andthathehadreceivedbothsoupandbrandybythatchannel,