“MydearFelipe,“Isaid,“Youhaveacquittedyourselfwellto-night;
youbehavedexactlyasIshouldhavedonehadIbeentoldthatyouwereonthepointofmarrying。“
“Ithought,“hereplied,“thatyouwouldhardlyhavetoldothersbeforeme。“
“Andwhatrighthaveyoutothisprivilege?“
“Therightofonewhoisyourdevotedslave。“
“Inverytruth?“
“Iam,andshalleverremainso。“
“Butsupposethismarriagewasinevitable;supposethatIhadagreed……“
Twoflashingglanceslitupthemoonlight——onedirectedtome,theothertotheprecipicewhichthewallmadeforus。Heseemedtocalculatewhetherafalltogetherwouldmeandeath;butthethoughtmerelypassedlikelightningoverhisfaceandsparkledinhiseyes。A
power,strongerthanpassion,checkedtheimpulse。
“AnArabcannottakebackhisword,“hesaidinahuskyvoice。“Iamyourslavetodowithasyouwill;mylifeisnotminetodestroy。“
Thehandonthebalconyseemedasthoughitsholdwererelaxing。I
placedmineonitasIsaid:
“Felipe,mybeloved,fromthismomentIamyourwifeinthoughtandwill。Gointhemorningtoaskmyfatherformyhand。Hewishestoretainmyfortune;butifyoupromisetoacknowledgereceiptofitinthecontract,hisconsentwillnodoubtbegiven。IamnolongerArmandedeChaulieu。Leavemeatonce;nobreathofscandalmusttouchLouisedeMacumer。“
Helistenedwithblanchedfaceandtremblinglimbs,then,likeaflash,hadclearedthetenfeettothegroundinsafety。Itwasamomentofagony,buthewavedhishandtomeanddisappeared。
“Iamlovedthen,“Isaidtomyself,“asneverwomanwasbefore。“AndIfellasleepinthecalmcontentofachild,mydestinyforeverfixed。
Abouttwoo’clocknextdaymyfathersummonedmetohisprivateroom,whereIfoundtheDuchessandMacumer。Therewasaninterchangeofcivilities。IrepliedquitesimplythatifmyfatherandM。Henarezwereofonemind,Ihadnoreasontoopposetheirwishes。ThereuponmymotherinvitedtheBarontodinner;andafterdinner,weallfourwentforadriveintheBoisdeBoulogne,whereIhadthepleasureofsmilingironicallytoM。deMarsayashepassedonhorsebackandcaughtsightofMacumersittingoppositetousbesidemyfather。
MybewitchingFelipehashadhiscardsreprintedasfollows:
HENAREZ
BarondeMacumer,formerlyDucdeSoria。
Everymorninghebringsmewithhisownhandsasplendidbouquet,hiddeninwhichIneverfailtofindaletter,containingaSpanishsonnetinmyhonor,whichhehascomposedduringthenight。
Nottomakethisletterinordinatelylarge,Isendyouasspecimensonlythefirstandlastofthesesonnets,whichIhavetranslatedforyourbenefit,wordforword,andlineforline:——
FIRSTSONNET
ManyatimeI’vestood,cladinthinsilkenvest,Drawnswordinhand,withsteadypulse,Waitingthechargeofaragingbull,Andthethrustofhishorn,sharper-pointedthanPhoebe’screscent。
I’vescaled,onmylipstheliltofanAndalusiandance,Thesteepredoubtunderarainoffire;
I’vestakedmylifeuponahazardofthediceCareless,asthoughitwereagolddoubloon。
Myhandwouldseektheballoutofthecannon’smouth,ButnowmeseemsIgrowmoretimidthanacrouchinghair,Orachildspyingsomeghostinthecurtain’sfolds。
Forwhenyoursweeteyerestsonme,Anyicysweatcoversmybrow,mykneesgiveway,Itremble,shrink,mycouragegone。
SECONDSONNET
LastnightIfainwouldsleeptodreamofthee,Butjealoussleepfledmyeyelids,Isoughtthebalconyandlookedtowardsheaven,AlwaysmyglancefliesupwardwhenIthinkofthee。
Strangesight!whosemeaninglovealonecantell,Theskyhadlostitssapphirehue,Thestars,dulleddiamondsintheirgoldenmount,Twinklednomorenorshedtheirwarmth。
Themoon,washedofhersilverradiancelily-white,Hungmourningoverthegloomyplain,forthouhastrobbedTheheavensofallthatmadethembright。
Thesnowysparkleofthemoonisonthylovelybrow,Heaven’sazurecentresinthineeyes,Thylashesfalllikestarryrays。
Whatmoregraciouswayofsayingtoayounggirlthatshefillsyourlife?Tellmewhatyouthinkofthislove,whichexpendsitselfinlavishingthetreasuresalikeoftheearthandofthesoul。OnlywithinthelasttendayshaveIgraspedthemeaningofthatSpanishgallantry,sofamousinolddays。
Ahme!dear,whatisgoingonnowatLaCrampade?HowoftendoItakeastrollthere,inspectingthegrowthofourcrops!Haveyounonewstogiveofourmulberrytrees,ourlastwinter’splantations?Doeseverythingprosperasyouwish?Andwhilethebudsareopeningonourshrubs——Iwillnotventuretospeakofthebedding-outplants——havetheyalsoblossomedinthebosomofthewife?DoesLouiscontinuehispolicyofmadrigals?Doyouenterintoeachother’sthoughts?Iwonderwhetheryourlittlerunletofweddingpeaceisbetterthantheragingtorrentofmylove!Hasmysweetladyprofessortakenoffence?I
cannotbelieveit;andifitwereso,IshouldsendFelipeoffatonce,post-haste,toflinghimselfatherkneesandbringbacktomemypardonorherhead。Sweetlove,mylifehereisasplendidsuccess,andIwanttoknowhowitfareswithlifeinProvence。WehavejustincreasedourfamilybytheadditionofaSpaniardwiththecomplexionofaHavanacigar,andyourcongratulationsstilltarry。
Seriously,mysweetRenee,Iamanxious。Iamafraidlestyoushouldbeeatingyourheartoutinsilence,forfearofcastingagloomovermysunshine。Writetomeatonce,naughtychild!andtellmeyourlifeinitseveryminutestdetail;tellmewhetheryoustillholdback,whetheryour“independence“stillstandserect,orhasfallenonitsknees,orissittingdowncomfortably,whichwouldindeedbeserious。
Canyousupposethattheincidentsofyourmarriedlifearewithoutinterestforme?Imuseattimesoverallthatyouhavesaidtome。
Oftenwhen,attheOpera,Iseemabsorbedinwatchingthepirouettingdancers,Iamsayingtomyself,“Itishalf-pastnine,perhapssheisinbed。Whatissheabout?Isshehappy?Isshealonewithherindependence?orhasherindependencegonethewayofotherdeadandcastoffindependences?“
Athousandloves。
XXV
RENEEDEL’ESTORADETOLOUISEDECHAULIEU
Saucygirl!WhyshouldIwrite?WhatcouldIsay?Whilstyourlifeisvariedbysocialfestivities,aswellasbytheanguish,thetempers,andtheflowersoflove——allofwhichyoudescribesographically,thatImightbewatchingsomefirst-rateactingatthetheatre——mineisasmonotonousandregularasthoughitwerepassedinaconvent。
Wealwaysgotobedatnineandgetupwithdaybreak。Ourmealsareservedwithamaddeningpunctuality。Nothingeverhappens。Ihaveaccustomedmyselfwithoutmuchdifficultytothismappingoutoftheday,whichperhapsis,afterall,inthenatureofthings。Wherewouldthelifeoftheuniversebebutforthatsubjectiontofixedlawswhich,accordingtotheastronomers,soLouistellsme,rulethespheres!Itisnotorderofwhichweweary。
ThenIhavelaiduponmyselfcertainrulesofdress,andtheseoccupymytimeinthemornings。Iholditpartofmydutyasawifetolookascharmingaspossible。Ifeelacertainsatisfactioninit,anditcauseslivelypleasuretothegoodoldmanandtoLouis。Afterlunch,wewalk。Whenthenewspapersarrive,Idisappeartolookaftermyhouseholdaffairsortoread——forIreadagreatdeal——ortowritetoyou。Icomebacktotheothersanhourbeforedinner;andafterdinnerweplaycards,orreceivevisits,orpaythem。Thusmydayspassbetweenacontentedoldman,whohasdonewithpassions,andthemanwhooweshishappinesstome。Louis’happinessissoradiantthatithasatlastwarmedmyheart。
Forwomen,happinessnodoubtcannotconsistinthemeresatisfactionofdesire。Sometimes,intheevening,whenIamnotrequiredtotakeahandinthegame,andcansinkbackinmyarmchair,imaginationbearsmeonitsstrongwingsintotheveryheartofyourlife。Then,itsriches,itschangefultints,itssurgingpassionsbecomemyown,andI
askmyselftowhatendsuchastormyprefacecanlead。MayInotswallowupthebookitself?Foryou,mydarling,theillusionsoflovearepossible;forme,onlythefactsofhomelyliferemain。Yes,yourloveseemstomeadream!
ThereforeIfindithardtounderstandwhyyouaredeterminedtothrowsomuchromanceoverit。Youridealmanmusthavemoresoulthanfire,morenobilityandself-commandthanpassion。Youpersistintryingtoclotheinlivingformthedreamidealofagirlonthethresholdoflife;youdemandsacrificesforthepleasureofrewardingthem;yousubmityourFelipetotestsinordertoascertainwhetherdesire,hope,andcuriosityareenduringintheirnature。But,child,behindallyourfantasticstagesceneryrisesthealtar,whereeverlastingbondsareforged。Theverymorrowofyourmarriagethegracefulstructureraisedbyyoursubtlestrategymayfallbeforethatterriblerealitywhichmakesofagirlawoman,ofagallantahusband。
Rememberthatthereisnotexemptionforlovers。Forthem,asforordinaryfolklikeLouisandme,therelurksbeneaththeweddingrejoicingsthegreat“Perhaps“ofRabelais。
Idonotblameyou,though,ofcourse,itwasrash,fortalkingwithFelipeinthegarden,orforspendinganightwithhim,youonyourbalcony,heonhiswall;butyoumakeaplaythingoflife,andIamafraidthatlifemaysomedayturnthetables。Idarenotgiveyouthecounselwhichmyownexperiencewouldsuggest;butletmerepeatoncemorefromtheseclusionofmyvalleythattheviaticumofmarriedlifeliesinthesewords——resignationandself-sacrifice。For,spiteofallyourtests,yourcoyness,andyourvigilance,Icanseethatmarriagewillmeantoyouwhatithasbeentome。Thegreaterthepassion,thesteepertheprecipicewehavehewnforourfall——thatistheonlydifference。
Oh!whatIwouldgivetoseetheBarondeMacumerandtalkwithhimforanhourortwo!Yourhappinessliessonearmyheart。
AsFelipehascarriedout,withatrulySaracenicgenerosity,thewishesofmyfatherandmotherinacknowledgingthefortunehehasnotreceivedfromme,theDuchesshasbecomeevenmorefriendlytomethanbefore。Shecallsmelittlesly-boots,littlewomanoftheworld,andsaysIknowhowtousemytongue。
“But,dearmamma,“Isaidtohertheeveningbeforethecontractwassigned,“youattributetocunningandsmartnessonmypartwhatisreallytheoutcomeofthetruest,simplest,mostunselfish,mostdevotedlovethateverwas!IassureyouthatIamnotatallthe’womanoftheworld’youdomethehonorofbelievingmetobe。“
“Come,come,Armande,“shesaid,puttingherarmonmyneckanddrawingmetoher,inordertokissmyforehead,“youdidnotwanttogobacktotheconvent,youdidnotwanttodieanoldmaid,and,likeafine,noble-heartedChaulieu,asyouare,yourecognizedthenecessityofbuildingupyourfather’sfamily。TheDukewaslistening。Ifyouknew,Renee,whatflatteryliesforhiminthesewords。Ihavewatchedyouduringthewholewinter,pokingyourlittlenoseintoallthatgoeson,formingverysensibleopinionsaboutmenandthepresentstateofsocietyinFrance。AndyouhavepickedouttheoneSpaniardcapableofgivingyouthesplendidpositionofawomanwhoreignssupremeinherownhouse。Mylittlegirl,youtreatedhimexactlyasTulliatreatsyourbrother。“
“Whatlessonstheygiveinmysister’sconvent!“exclaimedmyfather。
Aglanceatmyfathercuthimshortatonce;then,turningtotheDuchess,Isaid:
“Madame,Ilovemyfuturehusband,FelipedeSoria,withallthestrengthofmysoul。Althoughthislovesprangupwithoutmyknowledge,andthoughIfoughtitstoutlywhenitfirstmadeitselffelt,IsweartoyouthatInevergavewaytoittillIhadrecognizedintheBarondeMacumeracharacterworthyofmine,aheartofwhichthedelicacy,thegenerosity,thedevotion,andthetemperaresuitedtomyown。“
“But,mydear,“shebegan,interruptingme,“heisasuglyas……“
“Asanythingyoulike,“Iretortedquickly,“butIlovehisugliness。“
“Ifyoulovehim,Armande,“saidmyfather,“andhavethestrengthtomasteryourlove,youmustnotriskyourhappiness。Now,happinessinmarriagedependslargelyonthefirstdays——“