“Daysonly?“interruptedmymother。Then,withaglanceatmyfather,shecontinued,“Youhadbetterleaveus,mydear,tohaveourtalktogether。“
“Youaretobemarried,dearchild,“theDuchessthenbeganinalowvoice,“inthreedays。Itbecomesmyduty,therefore,withoutsillywhimpering,whichwouldbeunfittingourrankinlife,togiveyoutheseriousadvicewhicheverymotherowestoherdaughter。Youaremarryingamanwhomyoulove,andthereisnoreasonwhyIshouldpityyouormyself。Ihaveonlyknownyouforayear;andifthisperiodhasbeenlongenoughformetolearntoloveyou,itishardlysufficienttojustifyfloodsoftearsattheideaoflosingyou。Yourmentalgiftsareevenmoreremarkablethanthoseofyourperson;youhavegratifiedmaternalpride,andhaveshownyourselfasweetandlovingdaughter。I,inmyturn,canpromiseyouthatyouwillalwaysfindastaunchfriendinyourmother。Yousmile?Alas!ittoooftenhappensthatamotherwhohaslivedonexcellenttermswithherdaughter,aslongasthedaughterisameregirl,comestocrosspurposeswithherwhentheyarebothwomentogether。
“ItisyourhappinesswhichIwant,solistentomywords。Thelovewhichyounowfeelisthatofayounggirl,andisnaturaltousall,foritiswoman’sdestinytoclingtoaman。Unhappily,prettyone,thereisbutonemanintheworldforawoman!Andsometimesthisman,whomfatehasmarkedoutforus,isnottheonewhomwe,mistakingapassingfancyforlove,chooseashusband。StrangeaswhatIsaymayappeartoyou,itisworthnoting。Ifwecannotlovethemanwehavechosen,thefaultisnotexclusivelyours,itlieswithboth,orsometimeswithcircumstancesoverwhichwehavenocontrol。Yetthereisnoreasonwhythemanchosenforusbyourfamily,themantowhomourfancyhasgoneout,shouldnotbethemanwhomwecanlove。Thebarrierswhichariselaterbetweenhusbandandwifeareoftenduetolackofperseveranceonbothsides。Thetaskoftransformingahusbandintoaloverisnotlessdelicatethanthatothertaskofmakingahusbandofthelover,inwhichyouhavejustprovedyourselfmarvelouslysuccessful。
“Irepeatit,yourhappinessismyobject。Neverallowyourself,then,toforgetthatthefirstthreemonthsofyourmarriedlifemayworkyourmiseryifyoudonotsubmittotheyokewiththesameforbearance,tenderness,andintelligencethatyouhaveshownduringthedaysofcourtship。For,mylittlerogue,youknowverywellthatyouhaveindulgedinalltheinnocentpleasuresofaclandestineloveaffair。Iftheculminationofyourlovebeginswithdisappointment,dislike,nay,evenwithpain,well,comeandtellmeaboutit。Don’thopefortoomuchfrommarriageatfirst;itwillperhapsgiveyoumorediscomfortthanjoy。Thehappinessofyourliferequiresatleastaspatientcherishingastheearlyshootsoflove。
“Toconclude,ifbychanceyoushouldlosethelover,youwillfindinhisplacethefatherofyourchildren。Inthis,mydearchild,liesthewholesecretofsociallife。Sacrificeeverythingtothemanwhosenameyoubear,themanwhosehonorandreputationcannotsufferintheleastdegreewithoutinvolvingyouinfrightfulconsequences。Suchsacrificeisthusnotonlyanabsolutedutyforwomenofourrank,itisalsotheirwisestpolicy。This,indeed,isthedistinctivemarkofgreatmoralprinciples,thattheyholdgoodandareexpedientfromwhateveraspecttheyareviewed。ButIneedsaynomoretoyouonthispoint。
“Ifancyyouareofajealousdisposition,and,mydear,ifyouknewhowjealousIam!Butyoumustnotbestupidoverit。Topublishyourjealousytotheworldislikeplayingatpoliticswithyourcardsuponthetable,andthosewholettheirowngamebeseenlearnnothingoftheiropponents’。Whateverhappens,wemustknowhowtosufferinsilence。“
SheaddedthatsheintendedhavingsomeplaintalkaboutmewithMacumertheeveningbeforethewedding。
Raisingmymother’sbeautifularm,Ikissedherhandanddroppedonitatear,whichthetoneofrealfeelinginhervoicehadbroughttomyeyes。Intheadviceshehadgivenme,Ireadhighprincipleworthyofherselfandofme,truewisdom,andatendernessofheartunspoiltbythenarrowcodeofsociety。Aboveall,Isawthatsheunderstoodmycharacter。Thesefewsimplewordssummedupthelessonswhichlifeandexperiencehadbroughther,perhapsataheavyprice。Shewasmoved,andsaid,asshelookedatme:
“Dearlittlegirl,you’vegotanastycrossingbeforeyou。Andmostwomen,intheirignoranceortheirdisenchantment,areaswiseastheEarlofWestmoreland!“
Webothlaughed;butImustexplainthejoke。Theeveningbefore,aRussianprincesshadtoldusananecdoteofthisgentleman。Hehadsufferedfrightfullyfromsea-sicknessincrossingtheChannel,andturnedtailwhenhegotnearItaly,becausehehadheardsomeonespeakof“crossing“theAlps。“Thankyou;I’vehadquiteenoughcrossingsalready,“hesaid。
Youwillunderstand,Renee,thatyourgloomyphilosophyandmymother’slecturewerecalculatedtorevivethefearswhichusedtodisturbusatBlois。Thenearermarriageapproached,themoredidI
needtosummonallmystrength,myresolution,andmyaffectiontofacethisterriblepassagefrommaidenhoodtowomanhood。Allourconversationscamebacktomymind,Ire-readyourlettersanddiscernedinthemavagueundertoneofsadness。
Thisanxietyhadoneadvantageatleast;ithelpedmetotheregulationexpressionforabrideascommonlydepicted。TheconsequencewasthatonthedayofsigningthecontracteverybodysaidIlookedcharmingandquitetherightthing。Thismorning,attheMairie,itwasaninformalbusiness,andonlythewitnesseswerepresent。
Iamwritingthistailtomyletterwhiletheyareputtingoutmydressfordinner。WeshallbemarriedatmidnightattheChurchofSainte-Valere,afteraverygayevening。Iconfessthatmyfearsgivemeamartyr-likeandmodestairtowhichIhavenoright,butwhichwillbeadmired——why,Icannotconceive。IamdelightedtoseethatpoorFelipeiseverywhitastimorousasIam;societygratesonhim,heislikeabatinaglassshop。
“ThankHeaven,thedaywon’tlastforever!“hewhisperedtomeinallinnocence。
Inhisbashfulnessandtimidityhewouldhavelikedtohavenoonethere。
TheSardinianambassador,whenhecametosignthecontract,tookmeasideinordertopresentmewithapearlnecklace,linkedtogetherbysixsplendiddiamonds——agiftfrommysister-in-law,theDuchessdeSoria。Alongwiththenecklacewasasapphirebracelet,ontheundersideofwhichwereengravedthewords,“/Thoughunknown,beloved/。“
Twocharmingletterscamewiththesepresents,which,however,IcouldnotacceptwithoutconsultingFelipe。
“For,“Isaid,“Ishouldnotliketoseeyouwearingornamentsthatcamefromanyonebutme。“
Hekissedmyhand,quitemoved,andreplied:
“Wearthemforthesakeoftheinscription,andalsoforthekindfeeling,whichissincere。“
Saturdayevening。
Here,then,mypoorRenee,arethelastwordsofyourgirlfriend。
AfterthemidnightMass,wesetoffforanestatewhichFelipe,withkindthoughtforme,hasboughtinNivernais,onthewaytoProvence。
AlreadymynameisLouisedeMacumer,butIleaveParisinafewhoursasLouisedeChaulieu。HoweverIamcalled,therewillneverbeforyoubutoneLouise。
XXVII
THESAMETOTHESAME
October。
Ihavenotwrittentoyou,dear,sinceourmarriage,nearlyeightmonthsago。Andnotalinefromyou!Madame,youareinexcusable。
Tobeginwith,wesetoffinapost-chaisefortheCastleofChantepleurs,thepropertywhichMacumerhasboughtinNivernais。ItstandsonthebanksoftheLoire,sixtyleaguesfromParis。Ourservants,withtheexceptionofmymaid,weretherebeforeus,andwearrived,afteraveryrapidjourney,thenextevening。IsleptallthewayfromParistobeyondMontargis。Mylordandmasterputhisarmroundmeandpillowedmyheadonhisshoulder,uponanarrangementofhandkerchiefs。Thiswastheonelibertyhetook;andthealmostmotherlytendernesswhichgotthebetterofhisdrowsiness,touchedmestrangely。Ifellasleepthenunderthefireofhiseyes,andawoketofindthemstillblazing;thepassionategazeremainedunchanged,butwhatthoughtshadcomeandgonemeanwhile!Twicehehadkissedmeontheforehead。
AtBriarewehadbreakfastinthecarriage。ThenfollowedatalklikeouroldtalksatBlois,whilethesameLoireweusedtoadmirecalledforthourpraises,andathalf-pastsevenweenteredthenoblelongavenueoflime-trees,acacias,sycamores,andlarcheswhichleadstoChantepleurs。Ateightwedined;attenwewereinourbedroom,acharmingGothicroom,madecomfortablewitheverymodernluxury。
Felipe,whoisthoughtsougly,seemedtomequitebeautifulinhisgracefulkindnessandtheexquisitedelicacyofhisaffection。Ofpassion,notatrace。Allthroughthejourneyhemighthavebeenanoldfriendoffifteenyears’standing。Later,hehasdescribedtome,withallthevividtouchesofhisfirstletter,thefuriousstormsthatragedwithinandwerenotallowedtoruffletheoutersurface。
“Sofar,Ihavefoundnothingveryterribleinmarriage,“Isaid,asI
walkedtothewindowandlookedoutonthegloriousmoonwhichlitupacharmingpark,breathingofheavyscents。
Hedrewnear,puthisarmagainroundme,andsaid:
“Whyfearit?HaveIeveryetprovedfalsetomypromiseingestureorlook?WhyshouldIbefalseinthefuture?“
Yetneverwerewordsorglancesmorefullofmastery;hisvoicethrilledeveryfibreofmyheartandrousedasleepingforce;hiseyeswerelikethesuninpower。
“Oh!“Iexclaimed,“whataworldofMoorishperfidyinthisattitudeofperpetualprostration!“
Heunderstood,mydear。
So,myfairsweetheart,ifIhaveletmonthsslipbywithoutwriting,youcannowdivinethecause。Ihavetorecallthegirl’sstrangepastinordertoexplainthewomantomyself。Renee,Iunderstandyounow。
Nottoherdearestfriend,nottohermother,not,perhaps,eventoherself,canahappybridespeakofherhappiness。Thismemoryoughttoremainabsolutelyherown,anaddedrapture——athingbeyondwords,toosacredfordisclosure!
Isitpossiblethatthenameofdutyhasbeengiventothedeliciousfrenzyoftheheart,totheoverwhelmingrushofpassion?Andforwhatpurpose?Whatmalevolentpowerconceivedtheideaofcrushingawoman’ssensitivedelicacyandallthethousandwilesofhermodestyunderthefettersofconstraint?Whatsenseofdutycanforcefromhertheseflowersoftheheart,therosesoflife,thepassionatepoetryofhernature,apartfromlove?Toclaimfeelingasaright!Why,itbloomsofitselfunderthesunoflove,andshrivelstodeathunderthecoldblastofdistasteandaversion!Letloveguardhisownrights!
Oh!mynobleRenee!Iunderstandyounow。Ibowtoyourgreatness,amazedatthedepthandclearnessofyourinsight。Yes,thewomanwhohasnotusedthemarriageceremony,asIhavedone,merelytolegalizeandpublishthesecretelectionofherheart,hasnothingleftbuttoflytomotherhood。Whenearthfails,thesoulmakesforheaven!
Onehardtruthemergesfromallthatyouhavesaid。Onlymenwhoarereallygreatknowhowtolove,andnowIunderstandthereasonofthis。Manobeystwoforces——onesensual,onespiritual。Weakorinferiormenmistakethefirstforthelast,whilstgreatsoulsknowhowtoclothethemerelynaturalinstinctinallthegracesofthespirit。Theverystrengthofthisspiritualpassionimposessevereself-restraintandinspiresthemwithreverenceforwomen。Clearly,feelingissensitiveinproportiontothecalibreofthementalpowersgenerally,andthisiswhythemanofgeniusalonehassomethingofawoman’sdelicacy。Heunderstandsanddivineswoman,andthewingsofpassiononwhichheraisesherarerestrainedbythetimidityofthesensitivespirit。Butwhenthemind,theheart,andthesensesallhavetheirshareintherapturewhichtransportsus——ah!thenthereisnofallingtoearth,ratheritistoheavenwesoar,alas!foronlytoobriefavisit。
Such,dearsoul,isthephilosophyofthefirstthreemonthsofmymarriedlife。Felipeisangelic。Withoutfigureofspeech,heisanotherself,andIcanthinkaloudwithhim。Hisgreatnessofsoulpassesmycomprehension。Possessiononlyattacheshimmorecloselytome,andhediscoversinhishappinessnewmotivesforlovingme。Forhim,Iamthenoblerpartofhimself。Icanforeseethatyearsofweddedlife,farfromimpairinghisaffection,willonlymakeitmoreassured,developfreshpossibilitiesofenjoyment,andbindusinmoreperfectsympathy。Whatadeliriumofjoy!