Anditseemedshewaslikethesea,nothingbutdarkwavesrisingandheaving,heavingwithagreatswell,sothatslowlyherwholedarknesswasinmotion,andshewasOceanrollingitsdark,dumbmass。Oh,andfardowninsideherthedeepspartedandrolledasunder,inlong,fair-travellingbillows,andever,atthequickofher,thedepthspartedandrolledasunder,fromthecentreofsoftplunging,astheplungerwentdeeperanddeeper,touchinglower,andshewasdeeperanddeeperanddeeperdisclosed,theheavierthebillowsofherrolledawaytosomeshore,uncoveringher,andcloserandcloserplungedthepalpableunknown,andfurtherandfurtherrolledthewavesofherselfawayfromherselfleavingher,tillsuddenly,inasoft,shudderingconvulsion,thequickofallherplasmwastouched,sheknewherselftouched,theconsummationwasuponher,andshewasgone。
Shewasgone,shewasnot,andshewasborn:awoman。
Ah,toolovely,toolovely!Intheebbingsherealizedalltheloveliness。
Nowallherbodyclungwithtenderlovetotheunknownman,andblindlytothewiltingpenis,asitsotenderly,frailly,unknowinglywithdrew,afterthefiercethrustofitspotency。Asitdrewoutandleftherbody,thesecret,sensitivething,shegaveanunconsciouscryofpureloss,andshetriedtoputitback。Ithadbeensoperfect!Andsheloveditso!
Andonlynowshebecameawareofthesmall,bud-likereticenceandtendernessofthepenis,andalittlecryofwonderandpoignancyescapedheragain,herwoman’sheartcryingoutoverthetenderfrailtyofthatwhichhadbeenthepower。
`Itwassolovely!’shemoaned。`Itwassolovely!’Buthesaidnothing,onlysoftlykissedher,lyingstillaboveher。AndshemoanedwithasortOfbliss,asasacrifice,andanewbornthing。
Andnowinherheartthequeerwonderofhimwasawakened。
Aman!Thestrangepotencyofmanhooduponher!Herhandsstrayedoverhim,stillalittleafraid。Afraidofthatstrange,hostile,slightlyrepulsivethingthathehadbeentoher,aman。Andnowshetouchedhim,anditwasthesonsofgodwiththedaughtersofmen。Howbeautifulhefelt,howpureintissue!Howlovely,howlovely,strong,andyetpureanddelicate,suchstillnessofthesensitivebody!Suchutterstillnessofpotencyanddelicateflesh。Howbeautiful!Howbeautiful!Herhandscametimorouslydownhisback,tothesoft,smallishglobesofthebuttocks。Beauty!Whatbeauty!
asuddenlittleflameofnewawarenesswentthroughher。Howwasitpossible,thisbeautyhere,whereshehadpreviouslyonlybeenrepelled?Theunspeakablebeautytothetouchofthewarm,livingbuttocks!Thelifewithinlife,thesheerwarm,potentloveliness。Andthestrangeweightoftheballsbetweenhislegs!Whatamystery!Whatastrangeheavyweightofmystery,thatcouldliesoftandheavyinone’shand!Theroots,rootofallthatislovely,theprimevalrootofallfullbeauty。
Sheclungtohim,withahissofwonderthatwasalmostawe,terror。
Heheldherclose,buthesaidnothing。Hewouldneversayanything。Shecreptnearertohim,nearer,onlytobeneartothesensualwonderofhim。
Andoutofhisutter,incomprehensiblestillness,shefeltagaintheslowmomentous,surgingriseofthephallusagain,theotherpower。Andherheartmeltedoutwithakindofawe。
Andthistimehisbeingwithinherwasallsoftandiridescent,purelysoftandiridescent,suchasnoconsciousnesscouldseize。Herwholeselfquiveredunconsciousandalive,likeplasm。Shecouldnotknowwhatitwas。Shecouldnotrememberwhatithadbeen。Onlythatithadbeenmorelovelythananythingevercouldbe。Onlythat。Andafterwardsshewasutterlystill,utterlyunknowing,shewasnotawareforhowlong。Andhewasstillwithher,inanunfathomablesilencealongwithher。Andofthis,theywouldneverspeak。
Whenawarenessoftheoutsidebegantocomeback,sheclungtohisbreast,murmuring`Mylove!Mylove!’Andheheldhersilently。Andshecurledonhisbreast,perfect。
Buthissilencewasfathomless。Hishandsheldherlikeflowers,sostillaidstrange。`Whereareyou?’shewhisperedtohim。
`Whereareyou?Speaktome!Saysomethingtome!’
Hekissedhersoftly,murmuring:`Ay,mylass!’
Butshedidnotknowwhathemeant,shedidnotknowwherehewas。Inhissilenceheseemedlosttoher。
`Youloveme,don’tyou?’shemurmured。
`Ay,thaknows!’hesaid。`Buttellme!’shepleaded。
`Ay!Ay!’asn’tterfeltit?’hesaiddimly,butsoftlyandsurely。
Andsheclungclosetohim,closer。Hewassomuchmorepeacefulinlovethanshewas,andshewantedhimtoreassureher。
`Youdoloveme!’shewhispered,assertive。Andhishandsstrokedhersoftly,asifshewereaflower,withoutthequiverofdesire,butwithdelicatenearness。Andstilltherehauntedherarestlessnecessitytogetagriponlove。
`Sayyou’llalwaysloveme!’shepleaded。
`Ay!’hesaid,abstractedly。Andshefeltherquestionsdrivinghimawayfromher。
`Mustn’twegetup?’hesaidatlast。
`No!’shesaid。
Butshecouldfeelhisconsciousnessstraying,listeningtothenoisesoutside。
`It’llbenearlydark,’hesaid。Andsheheardthepressureofcircumstancesinhisvoice。Shekissedhim,withawoman’sgriefatyieldingupherhour。
Herose,andturnedupthelantern,thenbegantopullonhisclothes,quicklydisappearinginsidethem。Thenhestoodthere,aboveher,fasteninghisbreechesandlookingdownatherwithdark,wide-eyes,hisfacealittleflushedandhishairruffled,curiouslywarmandstillandbeautifulinthedimlightofthelantern,sobeautiful,shewouldnevertellhimhowbeautiful。Itmadeherwanttoclingfasttohim,toholdhim,fortherewasawarm,half-sleepyremotenessinhisbeautythatmadeherwanttocryoutandclutchhim,tohavehim。Shewouldneverhavehim。Soshelayontheblanketwithcurved,softnakedhaunches,andhehadnoideawhatshewasthinking,buttohimtooshewasbeautiful,thesoft,marvellousthinghecouldgointo,beyondeverything。
`IlovetheethatIcallgointothee,’hesaid。
`Doyoulikeme?’shesaid,herheartbeating。
`Ithealsitallup,thatIcangointothee。Ilovetheethatthaopenedtome。IlovetheethatIcameintotheelikethat。’
Hebentdownandkissedhersoftflank,rubbedhischeekagainstit,thencovereditup。
`Andwillyouneverleaveme?’shesaid。
`Dunnaaskthemthings,’hesaid。
`ButyoudobelieveIloveyou?’shesaid。
`Thalovedmejustnow,widerthaniverthathoutthawould。Butwhoknowswhat’ll’appen,oncethastartsthinkin’aboutit!’
`No,don’tsaythosethings!——Andyoudon’treallythinkthatIwantedtomakeuseofyou,doyou?’
`How?’
`Tohaveachild——?’
`Nowanybodycan’aveanychildti’th’world,’hesaid,ashesatdownfasteningonhisleggings。
`Ahno!’shecried。`Youdon’tmeanit?’
`Ehwell!’hesaid,lookingatherunderhisbrows。`Thiswort’best。’
Shelaystill。Hesoftlyopenedthedoor。Theskywasdarkblue,withcrystalline,turquoiserim。Hewentout,toshutupthehens,speakingsoftlytohisdog。Andshelayandwonderedatthewonderoflife,andofbeing。
Whenhecamebackshewasstilllyingthere,glowinglikeagipsy。Hesatonthestoolbyher。
`Thamuncomeonenaightterth’cottage,aforethagoos;shollter?’
heasked,liftinghiseyebrowsashelookedather,hishandsdanglingbetweenhisknees。
`Shollter?’sheechoed,teasing。
Hesmiled。`Ay,shollter?’herepeated。
`Ay!’shesaid,imitatingthedialectsound。
`Yi!’hesaid。
`Yi!’sherepeated。
`An’slaipwi’me,’hesaid。`Itneedsthat。Whensholtcome?’
`WhenshollI?’shesaid。
`Nay,’hesaid,`thacannado’t。Whensholtcomethen?’
`’AppenSunday,’shesaid。
`’Appena’Sunday!Ay!’
Helaughedatherquickly。
`Nay,thacanna,’heprotested。
`WhycannaI?’shesaid。
Chapter13
OnSundayCliffordwantedtogointothewood。Itwasalovelymorning,thepear-blossomandplumhadsuddenlyappearedintheworldinawonderofwhitehereandthere。
ItwascruelforClifford,whiletheworldbloomed,tohavetobehelpedfromchairtobath-chair。Buthehadforgotten,andevenseemedtohaveacertainconceitofhimselfinhislameness。Conniestillsuffered,havingtolifthisinertlegsintoplace。MrsBoltondiditnow,orField。
Shewaitedforhimatthetopofthedrive,attheedgeofthescreenofbeeches。Hischaircamepuffingalongwithasortofvaletudinarianslowimportance。Ashejoinedhiswifehesaid:
`SirCliffordonhisroamingsteed!’
`Snorting,atleast!’shelaughed。
Hestoppedandlookedroundatthefacadeofthelong,lowoldbrownhouse。
`Wragbydoesn’twinkaneyelid!’hesaid。`Butthenwhyshouldit!I
rideupontheachievementsofthemindofman,andthatbeatsahorse。’
`Isupposeitdoes。AndthesoulsinPlatoridinguptoheaveninatwo-horsechariotwouldgoinaFordcarnow,’shesaid。
`OraRolls-Royce:Platowasanaristocrat!’
`Quite!Nomoreblackhorsetothrashandmaltreat。Platoneverthoughtwe’dgoonebetterthanhisblacksteedandhiswhitesteed,andhavenosteedsatall,onlyanengine!’
`Onlyanengineandgas!’saidClifford。
`IhopeIcanhavesomerepairsdonetotheoldplacenextyear。IthinkIshallhaveaboutathousandtospareforthat:butworkcostssomuch!’
headded。
`Oh,good!’saidConnie。`Ifonlytherearen’tmorestrikes!’
`Whatwouldbetheuseoftheirstrikingagain!Merelyruintheindustry,what’sleftofit:andsurelytheowlsarebeginningtoseeit!’
`Perhapstheydon’tmindruiningtheindustry,’saidConnie。
`Ah,don’ttalklikeawoman!Theindustryfillstheirbellies,evenifitcan’tkeeptheirpocketsquitesoflush,’hesaid,usingturnsofspeechthatoddlyhadatwangofMrsBolton。
`Butdidn’tyousaytheotherdaythatyouwereaconservative-anarchist,’
sheaskedinnocently。
`AnddidyouunderstandwhatImeant?’heretorted。`AllImeantis,peoplecanbewhattheylikeandfeelwhattheylikeanddowhattheylike,strictlyprivately,solongastheykeeptheformoflifeintact,andtheapparatus。’
Conniewalkedoninsilenceafewpaces。Thenshesaid,obstinately:
`Itsoundslikesayinganeggmaygoasaddledasitlikes,solongasitkeepsitsshellonwhole。Butaddledeggsdobreakofthemselves。’
`Idon’tthinkpeopleareeggs,’hesaid。`Notevenangels’eggs,mydearlittleevangelist。’
Hewasinratherhighfeatherthisbrightmorning。Thelarksweretrillingawayoverthepark,thedistantpitinthehollowwasfumingsilentsteam。
Itwasalmostlikeolddays,beforethewar。Conniedidn’treallywanttoargue。ButthenshedidnotreallywanttogotothewoodwithCliffordeither。Soshewalkedbesidehischairinacertainobstinacyofspirit。
`No,’hesaid。`Therewillbenomorestrikes,it。Thethingisproperlymanaged。’
`Whynot?’
`Becausestrikeswillbemadeasgoodasimpossible。’
`Butwillthemenletyou?’sheasked。
`Weshan’taskthem。Weshalldoitwhiletheyaren’tlooking:fortheirowngood,tosavetheindustry。’
`Foryourowngoodtoo,’shesaid。
`Naturally!Forthegoodofeverybody。Butfortheirgoodevenmorethanmine。Icanlivewithoutthepits。Theycan’t。They’llstarveiftherearenopits。I’vegototherprovision。’
Theylookeduptheshallowvalleyatthemine,andbeyondit,attheblack-liddedhousesofTevershallcrawlinglikesomeserpentupthehill。
Fromtheoldbrownchurchthebellswereringing:Sunday,Sunday,Sunday!
`Butwillthemenletyoudictateterms?’shesaid。`Mydear,theywillhaveto:ifonedoesitgently。’
`Butmightn’ttherebeamutualunderstanding?’
`Absolutely:whentheyrealizethattheindustrycomesbeforetheindividual。’
`Butmustyouowntheindustry?’shesaid。
`Idon’t。ButtotheextentIdoownit,yes,mostdecidedly。Theownershipofpropertyhasnowbecomeareligiousquestion:asithasbeensinceJesusandStFrancis。Thepointisnot:takeallthouhastandgivetothepoor,butuseallthouhasttoencouragetheindustryandgiveworktothepoor。It’stheonlywaytofeedallthemouthsandclotheallthebodies。Givingawayallwehavetothepoorspellsstarvationforthepoorjustasmuchasforus。Anduniversalstarvationisnohighaim。Evengeneralpovertyisnolovelything。Povertyisugly。’
`Butthedisparity?’
`Thatisfate。WhyisthestarJupiterbiggerthanthestarNeptune?
Youcan’tstartalteringthemake-upofthings!’
`Butwhenthisenvyandjealousyanddiscontenthasoncestarted,’shebegan。
`Do,yourbesttostopit。Somebody’sgottobebossoftheshow。’
`Butwhoisbossoftheshow?’sheasked。
`Themenwhoownandruntheindustries。’
Therewasalongsilence。
`Itseemstomethey’reabadboss,’shesaid。
`Thenyousuggestwhattheyshoulddo。’
`Theydon’ttaketheirboss-shipseriouslyenough,’shesaid。
`Theytakeitfarmoreseriouslythanyoutakeyourladyship,’hesaid。
`That’sthrustuponme。Idon’treallywantit,’sheblurtedout。Hestoppedthechairandlookedather。
`Who’sshirkingtheirresponsibilitynow!’hesaid。`Whoistryingtogetawaynowfromtheresponsibilityoftheirownboss-ship,asyoucallit?’
`ButIdon’twantanyboss-ship,’sheprotested。