首页 >出版文学> LADY CHATTERLEY’S LOVER>第25章
  Helaughedatheragain,withmockinghumour。
  `Butwhyareyouinabadtemper?’sheasked。`Doyoumeanyouarealwaysinabadtemper?’
  `Prettywell,’hesaid,laughing。`Idon’tquitedigestmybile。’
  `Butwhatbile?’shesaid。
  `Bile!’hesaid。`Don’tyouknowwhatthatis?’Shewassilent,anddisappointed。Hewastakingnonoticeofher。
  `I’mgoingawayforawhilenextmonth,’shesaid。
  `Youare!Whereto?’
  `Venice!WithSirClifford?Forhowlong?’
  `Foramonthorso,’shereplied。`Cliffordwon’tgo。’
  `He’llstayhere?’heasked。
  `Yes!Hehatestotravelasheis。’
  `Ay,poordevil!’hesaid,withsympathy。Therewasapause。
  `Youwon’tforgetmewhenI’mgone,willyou?’sheasked。Againheliftedhiseyesandlookedfullather。
  `Forget?’hesaid。`Youknownobodyforgets。It’snotaquestionofmemory;’
  Shewantedtosay:`Whenthen?’butshedidn’t。Instead,shesaidinamutekindofvoice:`ItoldCliffordImighthaveachild。’
  Nowhereallylookedather,intenseandsearching。
  `Youdid?’hesaidatlast。`Andwhatdidhesay?’
  `Oh,hewouldn’tmind。He’dbeglad,really,solongasitseemedtobehis。’Shedarednotlookupathim。
  Hewassilentalongtime,thenhegazedagainonherface。
  `Nomentionofme,ofcourse?’hesaid。
  `No。Nomentionofyou,’shesaid。
  `No,he’dhardlyswallowmeasasubstitutebreeder。Thenwhereareyousupposedtobegettingthechild?’
  `Imighthavealove-affairinVenice,’shesaid。
  `Youmight,’herepliedslowly。`Sothat’swhyyou’regoing?’
  `Nottohavethelove-affair,’shesaid,lookingupathim,pleading。
  `Justtheappearanceofone,’hesaid。
  Therewassilence。Hesatstaringoutthewindow,withafaintgrin,halfmockery,halfbitterness,onhisface。Shehatedhisgrin。
  `You’venottakenanyprecautionsagainsthavingachildthen?’heaskedhersuddenly。`BecauseIhaven’t。’
  `No,’shesaidfaintly。`Ishouldhatethat。’
  Helookedather,thenagainwiththepeculiarsubtlegrinoutofthewindow。Therewasatensesilence。
  Atlastheturnedhisheadandsaidsatirically:
  `Thatwaswhyyouwantedme,then,togetachild?’
  Shehungherhead。
  `No。Notreally,’shesaid。`Whatthen,really?’heaskedratherbitingly。
  Shelookedupathimreproachfully,saying:`Idon’tknow。’
  Hebrokeintoalaugh。
  `ThenI’mdamnedifIdo,’hesaid。
  Therewasalongpauseofsilence,acoldsilence。
  `Well,’hesaidatlast。`It’sasyourLadyshiplikes。Ifyougetthebaby,SirClifford’swelcometoit。Ishan’thavelostanything。Onthecontrary,I’vehadaveryniceexperience,veryniceindeed!’——andhestretchedinahalf-suppressedsortofyawn。`Ifyou’vemadeuseofme,’
  hesaid,`it’snotthefirsttimeI’vebeenmadeuseof;andIdon’tsupposeit’severbeenaspleasantasthistime;thoughofcourseonecan’tfeeltremendouslydignifiedaboutit。’——Hestretchedagain,curiously,hismusclesquivering,andhisjawoddlyset。
  `ButIdidn’tmakeuseofyou,’shesaid,pleading。
  `AtyourLadyship’sservice,’hereplied。
  `No,’shesaid。`Ilikedyourbody。’
  `Didyou?’hereplied,andhelaughed。`Well,then,we’requits,becauseIlikedyours。’
  Helookedatherwithqueerdarkenedeyes。
  `Wouldyouliketogoupstairsnow?’heaskedher,inastrangledsortofvoice。
  `No,nothere。Notnow!’shesaidheavily,thoughifhehadusedanypoweroverher,shewouldhavegone,forshehadnostrengthagainsthim。
  Heturnedhisfaceawayagain,andseemedtoforgether。`Iwanttotouchyoulikeyoutouchme,’shesaid。`I’veneverreallytouchedyourbody。’
  Helookedather,andsmiledagain。`Now?’hesaid。`No!No!Nothere!
  Atthehut。Wouldyoumind?’
  `HowdoItouchyou?’heasked。
  `Whenyoufeelme。’
  Helookedather,andmetherheavy,anxiouseyes。
  `AnddoyoulikeitwhenIfeelyou?’heasked,laughingatherstill。
  `Yes,doyou?’shesaid。
  `Oh,me!’Thenhechangedhistone。`Yes,’hesaid。`Youknowwithoutasking。’Whichwastrue。
  Sheroseandpickedupherhat。`Imustgo,’shesaid。
  `Willyougo?’herepliedpolitely。
  Shewantedhimtotouchher,tosaysomethingtoher,buthesaidnothing,onlywaitedpolitely。
  `Thankyouforthetea,’shesaid。
  `Ihaven’tthankedyourLadyshipfordoingmethehonoursofmytea-pot,’
  hesaid。
  Shewentdownthepath,andhestoodinthedoorway,faintlygrinning。
  Flossiecamerunningwithhertaillifted。AndConniehadtoploddumblyacrossintothewood,knowinghewasstandingtherewatchingher,withthatincomprehensiblegrinonhisface。
  Shewalkedhomeverymuchdowncastandannoyed。Shedidn’tatalllikehissayinghehadbeenmadeuseofbecause,inasense,itwastrue。Butheoughtn’ttohavesaidit。Therefore,again,shewasdividedbetweentwofeelings:resentmentagainsthim,andadesiretomakeitupwithhim。
  Shepassedaveryuneasyandirritatedtea-time,andatoncewentuptoherroom。Butwhenshewasthereitwasnogood;shecouldneithersitnorstand。Shewouldhavetodosomethingaboutit。Shewouldhavetogobacktothehut;ifhewasnotthere,wellandgood。
  Sheslippedoutofthesidedoor,andtookherwaydirectandalittlesullen。Whenshecametotheclearingshewasterriblyuneasy。Buttherehewasagain,inhisshirt-sleeves,stooping,lettingthehensoutofthecoops,amongthechicksthatwerenowgrowingalittlegawky,butweremuchmoretrimthanhen-chickens。
  Shewentstraightacrosstohim。`YouseeI’vecome!’shesaid。
  `Ay,Iseeit!’hesaid,straighteninghisback,andlookingatherwithafaintamusement。
  `Doyouletthehensoutnow?’sheasked。
  `Yes,they’vesatthemselvestoskinandbone,’hesaid。`An’nowthey’renotallthatanxioustocomeoutan’feed。There’snoselfinasittinghen;she’sallintheeggsorthechicks。’
  Thepoormother-hens;suchblinddevotion!eventoeggsnottheirown!
  Connielookedatthemincompassion。Ahelplesssilencefellbetweenthemanandthewoman。
  `Shallusgoi’th’’ut?’heasked。
  `Doyouwantme?’sheasked,inasortofmistrust。
  `Ay,ifyouwanttocome。’
  Shewassilent。
  `Comethen!’hesaid。
  Andshewentwithhimtothehut。Itwasquitedarkwhenhehadshutthedoor,sohemadeasmalllightinthelantern,asbefore。
  `Haveyouleftyourunderthingsoff?’heaskedher。
  `Yes!’
  `Ay,well,thenI’lltakemythingsofftoo。’
  Hespreadtheblankets,puttingoneatthesideforacoverlet。Shetookoffherhat,andshookherhair。Hesatdown,takingoffhisshoesandgaiters,andundoinghiscordbreeches。
  `Liedownthen!’hesaid,whenhestoodinhisshirt。Sheobeyedinsilence,andhelaybesideher,andpulledtheblanketoverthemboth。
  `There!’hesaid。
  Andheliftedherdressrightback,tillhecameeventoherbreasts。
  Hekissedthemsoftly,takingthenipplesinhislipsintinycaresses。
  `Eh,buttha’rtnice,tha’rtnice!’hesaid,suddenlyrubbinghisfacewithasnugglingmovementagainstherwarmbelly。
  Andsheputherarmsroundhimunderhisshirt,butshewasafraid,afraidofhisthin,smooth,nakedbody,thatseemedsopowerful,afraidoftheviolentmuscles。Sheshrank,afraid。
  Andwhenhesaid,withasortoflittlesigh:`Eh,tha’rtnice!’somethinginherquivered,andsomethinginherspiritstiffenedinresistance:stiffenedfromtheterriblyphysicalintimacy,andfromthepeculiarhasteofhispossession。Andthistimethesharpecstasyofherownpassiondidnotovercomeher;shelaywithherendsinertonhisstrivingbody,anddowhatshemight,herspiritseemedtolookonfromthetopofherhead,andthebuttingofhishaunchesseemedridiculoustoher,andthesortofanxietyofhispenistocometoitslittleevacuatingcrisisseemedfarcical。Yes,thiswaslove,thisridiculousbouncingofthebuttocks,andthewiltingofthepoor,insignificant,moistlittlepenis。Thiswasthedivinelove!Afterall,themodernswererightwhentheyfeltcontemptfortheperformance;foritwasaperformance。Itwasquitetrue,assomepoetssaid,thattheGodwhocreatedmanmusthavehadasinistersenseofhumour,creatinghimareasonablebeing,yetforcinghimtotakethisridiculousposture,anddrivinghimwithblindcravingforthisridiculousperformance。EvenaMaupassantfounditahumiliatinganti-climax。Mendespisedtheintercourseact,andyetdidit。
  Coldandderisiveherqueerfemalemindstoodapart,andthoughshelayperfectlystill,herimpulsewastoheaveherloins,andthrowthemanout,escapehisuglygrip,andthebuttingover-ridingofhisabsurdhaunches。Hisbodywasafoolish,impudent,imperfectthing,alittledisgustinginitsunfinishedclumsiness。Forsurelyacompleteevolutionwouldeliminatethisperformance,this`function’。
  Andyetwhenhehadfinished,soonover,andlayveryverystill,recedingintosilence,andastrangemotionlessdistance,far,fartherthanthehorizonofherawareness,herheartbegantoweep。Shecouldfeelhimebbingaway,ebbingaway,leavinghertherelikeastoneonashore。Hewaswithdrawing,hisspiritwasleavingher。Heknew。
  Andinrealgrief,tormentedbyherowndoubleconsciousnessandreaction,shebegantoweep。Hetooknonotice,ordidnotevenknow。Thestormofweepingswelledandshookher,andshookhim。
  `Ay!’hesaid。`Itwasnogoodthattime。Youwasn’tthere。’——Soheknew!Hersobsbecameviolent。
  `Butwhat’samiss?’hesaid。`It’sonceinawhilethatway。’
  `I……Ican’tloveyou,’shesobbed,suddenlyfeelingherheartbreaking。
  `Cannater?Well,dunnafret!There’snolawsaysastha’sgotto。Ta’eitforwhatitis。’
  Hestilllaywithhishandonherbreast。Butshehaddrawnbothherhandsfromhim。
  Hiswordsweresmallcomfort。Shesobbedaloud。
  `Nay,nay!’hesaid。`Ta’ethethickwi’th’thin。Thisworabito’
  thinforonce。’
  Sheweptbitterly,sobbing。`ButIwanttoloveyou,andIcan’t。Itonlyseemshorrid。’
  Helaughedalittle,halfbitter,halfamused。
  `Itisnahorrid,’hesaid,`evenifthathinksitis。An’thacannama’eithorrid。Dunnafretthysenaboutlovin’me。Tha’ltniverforcethysento`t。There’ssuretobeabadnutinabasketful。Thamunta’eth’roughwi’th’smooth。’
  Hetookhishandawayfromherbreast,nottouchingher。Andnowshewasuntouchedshetookanalmostperversesatisfactioninit。Shehatedthedialect:thetheeandthethaandthethysen。
  Hecouldgetupifheliked,andstandthere,aboveher,buttoningdownthoseabsurdcorduroybreeches,straightinfrontofher。Afterall,Michaelishadhadthedecencytoturnaway。Thismanwassoassuredinhimselfhedidn’tknowwhataclownotherpeoplefoundhim,ahalf-bredfellow。
  Yet,ashewasdrawingaway,torisesilentlyandleaveher,sheclungtohiminterror。
  `Don’t!Don’tgo!Don’tleaveme!Don’tbecrosswithme!Holdme!Holdmefast!’shewhisperedinblindfrenzy,notevenknowingwhatshesaid,andclingingtohimwithuncannyforce。Itwasfromherselfshewantedtobesaved,fromherowninwardangerandresistance。Yethowpowerfulwasthatinwardresistancethatpossessedher!
  Hetookherinhisarmsagainanddrewhertohim,andsuddenlyshebecamesmallinhisarms,smallandnestling。Itwasgone,theresistancewasgone,andshebegantomeltinamarvellouspeace。Andasshemeltedsmallandwonderfulinhisarms,shebecameinfinitelydesirabletohim,allhisblood-vesselsseemedtoscaldwithintenseyettenderdesire,forher,forhersoftness,forthepenetratingbeautyofherinhisarms,passingintohisblood。Andsoftly,withthatmarvellousswoon-likecaressofhishandinpuresoftdesire,softlyhestrokedthesilkyslopeofherloins,down,downbetweenhersoftwarmbuttocks,comingnearerandnearertotheveryquickofher。Andshefelthimlikeaflameofdesire,yettender,andshefeltherselfmeltingintheflame。Sheletherselfgo。ShefelthispenisrisenagainstherwithsilentamazingforceandassertionandsheletherselfgotohimSheyieldedwithaquiverthatwaslikedeath,shewentallopentohim。Andoh,ifhewerenottendertohernow,howcruel,forshewasallopentohimandhelpless!
  Shequiveredagainatthepotentinexorableentryinsideher,sostrangeandterrible。Itmightcomewiththethrustofaswordinhersoftly-openedbody,andthatwouldbedeath。Sheclunginasuddenanguishofterror。
  Butitcamewithastrangeslowthrustofpeace,thedarkthrustofpeaceandaponderous,primordialtenderness,suchasmadetheworldinthebeginning。
  Andherterrorsubsidedinherbreast,herbreastdaredtobegoneinpeace,sheheldnothing。Shedaredtoletgoeverything,allherselfandbegoneintheflood。