首页 >出版文学> LADY CHATTERLEY’S LOVER>第18章
  MrLinleywasthegeneralmanagerofthecollieries,anelderlymanfromthenorth,withnotquiteenoughpunchtosuitClifford;notuptopost-warconditions,norpost-warcollierseither,withtheir`ca’canny’
  creed。ButConnielikedMrLinley,thoughshewasgladtobesparedthetoadyingofhiswife。
  Linleystayedtodinner,andConniewasthehostessmenlikedsomuch,somodest,yetsoattentiveandaware,withbig,wideblueeyesaridasoftreposethatsufficientlyhidwhatshewasreallythinking。Conniehadplayedthiswomansomuch,itwasalmostsecondnaturetoher;butstill,decidedlysecond。Yetitwascurioushoweverythingdisappearedfromherconsciousnesswhilesheplayedit。
  Shewaitedpatientlytillshecouldgoupstairsandthinkherownthoughts。
  Shewasalwayswaiting,itseemedtobeherforte。
  Onceinherroom,however,shefeltstillvagueandconfused。Shedidn’tknowwhattothink。Whatsortofamanwashe,really?Didhereallylikeher?Notmuch,shefelt。Yethewaskind。Therewassomething,asortofwarmnaivekindness,curiousandsudden,thatalmostopenedherwombtohim。Butshefelthemightbekindlikethattoanywoman。Thoughevenso,itwascuriouslysoothing,comforting。Andhewasapassionateman,wholesomeandpassionate。Butperhapshewasn’tquiteindividualenough;
  hemightbethesamewithanywomanashehadbeenwithher。Itreallywasn’tpersonal。Shewasonlyreallyafemaletohim。
  Butperhapsthatwasbetter。Andafterall,hewaskindtothefemaleinher,whichnomanhadeverbeen。Menwereverykindtothepersonshewas,butrathercrueltothefemale,despisingherorignoringheraltogether。MenwereawfullykindtoConstanceReidortoLadyChatterley;
  butnottoherwombtheyweren’tkind。AndhetooknonoticeofConstanceorofLadyChatterley;hejustsoftlystrokedherloinsorherbreasts。
  Shewenttothewoodnextday。Itwasagrey,stillafternoon,withthedark-greendogs-mercuryspreadingunderthehazelcopse,andallthetreesmakingasilentefforttoopentheirbuds。Todayshecouldalmostfeelitinherownbody,thehugeheaveofthesapinthemassivetrees,upwards,up,uptothebud-a,theretopushintolittleflameyoak-leaves,bronzeasblood。Itwaslikeariderunningturgidupward,andspreadingonthesky。
  Shecametotheclearing,buthewasnotthere。Shehadonlyhalfexpectedhim。Thepheasantchickswererunninglightlyabroad,lightasinsects,fromthecoopswherethefellowhenscluckedanxiously。Conniesatandwatchedthem,andwaited。Sheonlywaited。Eventhechicksshehardlysaw。
  Shewaited。
  Thetimepassedwithdream-likeslowness,andhedidnotcome。Shehadonlyhalfexpectedhim。Henevercameintheafternoon。Shemustgohometotea。Butshehadtoforceherselftoleave。
  Asshewenthome,afinedrizzleofrainfell。
  `Isitrainingagain?’saidClifford,seeinghershakeherhat。
  `Justdrizzle。’
  Shepouredteainsilence,absorbedinasortofobstinacy。Shedidwanttoseethekeepertoday,toseeifitwerereallyreal。Ifitwerereallyreal。
  `ShallIreadalittletoyouafterwards?’saidClifford。
  Shelookedathim。Hadhesensedsomething?
  `Thespringmakesmefeelqueer——IthoughtImightrestalittle,’
  shesaid。
  `Justasyoulike。Notfeelingreallyunwell,areyou?’
  `No!Onlyrathertired——withthespring。WillyouhaveMrsBoltontoplaysomethingwithyou?’
  `No!IthinkI’lllistenin。’
  Sheheardthecurioussatisfactioninhisvoice。Shewentupstairstoherbedroom。Theresheheardtheloudspeakerbegintobellow,inanidioticallyvelveteen-genteelsortofvoice,somethingaboutaseriesofstreet-cries,theverycreamofgenteelaffectationimitatingoldcriers。Shepulledonheroldvioletcolouredmackintosh,andslippedoutofthehouseatthesidedoor。
  Thedrizzleofrainwaslikeaveilovertheworld,mysterious,hushed,notcold。Shegotverywarmasshehurriedacrossthepark。Shehadtoopenherlightwaterproof。
  Thewoodwassilent,stillandsecretintheeveningdrizzleofrain,fullofthemysteryofeggsandhalf-openbuds,halfunsheathedflowers。
  Inthedimnessofitalltreesglistenednakedanddarkasiftheyhadunclothedthemselves,andthegreenthingsonearthseemedtohumwithgreenness。
  Therewasstillnooneattheclearing。Thechickshadnearlyallgoneunderthemother-hens,onlyoneortwolastadventurousonesstilldibbedaboutinthedrynessunderthestrawroofshelter。Andtheyweredoubtfulofthemselves。
  So!Hestillhadnotbeen。Hewasstayingawayonpurpose。Orperhapssomethingwaswrong。Perhapssheshouldgotothecottageandsee。
  Butshewasborntowait。Sheopenedthehutwithherkey。Itwasalltidy,thecornputinthebin,theblanketsfoldedontheshelf,thestrawneatinacorner;anewbundleofstraw。Thehurricanelamphungonanail。
  Thetableandchairhadbeenputbackwhereshehadlain。
  Shesatdownonastoolinthedoorway。Howstilleverythingwas!Thefinerainblewverysoftly,filmily,butthewindmadenonoise。Nothingmadeanysound。Thetreesstoodlikepowerfulbeings,dim,twilit,silentandalive。Howaliveeverythingwas!
  Nightwasdrawingnearagain;shewouldhavetogo。Hewasavoidingher。
  Butsuddenlyhecamestridingintotheclearing,inhisblackoilskinjacketlikeachauffeur,shiningwithwet。Heglancedquicklyatthehut,half-saluted,thenveeredasideandwentontothecoops。Therehecrouchedinsilence,lookingcarefullyateverything,thencarefullyshuttingthehensandchicksupsafeagainstthenight。
  Atlasthecameslowlytowardsher。Shestillsatonherstool。Hestoodbeforeherundertheporch。
  `Youcomethen,’hesaid,usingtheintonationofthedialect。
  `Yes,’shesaid,lookingupathim。`You’relate!’
  `Ay!’hereplied,lookingawayintothewood。
  Sheroseslowly,drawingasideherstool。
  `Didyouwanttocomein?’sheasked。
  Helookeddownathershrewdly。
  `Won’tfolksbethinkin’somethink,youcomin’hereeverynight?’hesaid。
  `Why?’Shelookedupathim,ataloss。`IsaidI’dcome。Nobodyknows。’
  `Theysoonwill,though,’hereplied。`An’whatthen?’
  Shewasatalossforananswer。
  `Whyshouldtheyknow?’shesaid。
  `Folksalwaysdoes,’hesaidfatally。
  Herlipquiveredalittle。
  `WellIcan’thelpit,’shefaltered。
  `Nay,’hesaid。`Youcanhelpitbynotcomin’——ifyerwantto,’headded,inalowertone。
  `ButIdon’twantto,’shemurmured。
  Helookedawayintothewood,andwassilent。
  `Butwhatwhenfolksfindsout?’heaskedatlast。`Thinkaboutit!
  Thinkhowloweredyou’llfeel,oneofyourhusband’sservants。’
  Shelookedupathisavertedface。
  `Isit,’shestammered,`isitthatyoudon’twantme?’
  `Think!’hesaid。`ThinkwhatiffolksfindoutSirCliffordan’a’——an’
  everybodytalkin’——’
  `Well,Icangoaway。’
  `Whereto?’
  `Anywhere!I’vegotmoneyofmyown。Mymotherleftmetwentythousandpoundsintrust,andIknowCliffordcan’ttouchit。Icangoaway。’
  `But’appenyoudon’twanttogoaway。’
  `Yes,yes!Idon’tcarewhathappenstome。’
  `Ay,youthinkthat!Butyou’llcare!You’llhavetocare,everybodyhas。You’vegottorememberyourLadyshipiscarryingonwithagame-keeper。
  It’snotasifIwasagentleman。Yes,you’dcare。You’dcare。’
  `Ishouldn’t。WhatdoIcareaboutmyladyship!Ihateitreally。I
  feelpeoplearejeeringeverytimetheysayit。Andtheyare,theyare!
  Evenyoujeerwhenyousayit。’
  `Me!’
  Forthefirsttimehelookedstraightather,andintohereyes。`I
  don’tjeeratyou,’hesaid。
  Ashelookedintohereyesshesawhisowneyesgodark,quitedark,thepupilsdilating。
  `Don’tyoucareabouta’therisk?’heaskedinahuskyvoice。`Youshouldcare。Don’tcarewhenit’stoolate!’
  Therewasacuriouswarningpleadinginhisvoice。
  `ButI’venothingtolose,’shesaidfretfully。`Ifyouknewwhatitis,you’dthinkI’dbegladtoloseit。Butareyouafraidforyourself?’
  `Ay!’hesaidbriefly。`Iam。I’mafraid。I’mafraid。I’mafraidO’
  things。’
  `Whatthings?’sheasked。
  Hegaveacuriousbackwardjerkofhishead,indicatingtheouterworld。
  `Things!Everybody!Thelotof’em。’
  Thenhebentdownandsuddenlykissedherunhappyface。
  `Nay,Idon’tcare,’hesaid。`Let’shaveit,an’damntherest。Butifyouwastofeelsorryyou’deverdoneit——!’
  `Don’tputmeoff,’shepleaded。
  Heputhisfingerstohercheekandkissedheragainsuddenly。
  `Letmecomeinthen,’hesaidsoftly。`An’takeoffyourmackintosh。’
  Hehunguphisgun,slippedoutofhiswetleatherjacket,andreachedfortheblankets。
  `Ibroughtanotherblanket,’hesaid,`sowecanputoneoverusifyoulike。’
  `Ican’tstaylong,’shesaid。`Dinnerishalf-pastseven。’
  Helookedatherswiftly,thenathiswatch。
  `Allright,’hesaid。
  Heshutthedoor,andlitatinylightinthehanginghurricanelamp。
  `Onetimewe’llhavealongtime,’hesaid。
  Heputtheblanketsdowncarefully,onefoldedforherhead。Thenhesatdownamomentonthestool,anddrewhertohim,holdingherclosewithonearm,feelingforherbodywithhisfreehand。Sheheardthecatchofhisintakenbreathashefoundher。Underherfrailpetticoatshewasnaked。
  `Eh!whatitistotouchthee!’hesaid,ashisfingercaressedthedelicate,warm,secretskinofherwaistandhips。Heputhisfacedownandrubbedhischeekagainstherbellyandagainstherthighsagainandagain。Andagainshewonderedalittleoverthesortofraptureitwastohim。Shedidnotunderstandthebeautyhefoundinher,throughtouchuponherlivingsecretbody,almosttheecstasyofbeauty。Forpassionaloneisawaketoit。Andwhenpassionisdead,orabsent,thenthemagnificentthrobofbeautyisincomprehensibleandevenalittledespicable;warm,livebeautyofcontact,somuchdeeperthanthebeautyofvision。Shefelttheglideofhischeekonherthighsandbellyandbuttocks,andtheclosebrushingofhismoustacheandhissoftthickhair,andherkneesbegantoquiver。Fardowninhershefeltanewstirring,anewnakednessemerging。
  Andshewashalfafraid。Halfshewishedhewouldnotcaressherso。Hewasencompassinghersomehow。Yetshewaswaiting,waiting。
  Andwhenhecameintoher,withanintensificationofreliefandconsummationthatwaspurepeacetohim,stillshewaswaiting。Shefeltherselfalittleleftout。Andsheknew,partlyitwasherownfault。Shewilledherselfintothisseparateness。Nowperhapsshewascondemnedtoit。Shelaystill,feelinghismotionwithinher,hisdeep-sunkintentness,thesuddenquiverofhimatthespringingofhisseed,thentheslow-subsidingthrust。Thatthrustofthebuttocks,surelyitwasalittleridiculous。Ifyouwereawoman,andapartinallthebusiness,surelythatthrustingoftheman’sbuttockswassupremelyridiculous。Surelythemanwasintenselyridiculousinthispostureandthisact!
  Butshelaystill,withoutrecoil。Evenwhenhehadfinished,shedidnotrouseherselftogetagriponherownsatisfaction,asshehaddonewithMichaelis;shelaystill,andthetearsslowlyfilledandranfromhereyes。
  Helaystill,too。Butheheldhercloseandtriedtocoverherpoornakedlegswithhislegs,tokeepthemwarm。Helayonherwithaclose,undoubtingwarmth。
  `Areyercold?’heasked,inasoft,smallvoice,asifshewereclose,soclose。Whereasshewasleftout,distant。
  `No!ButImustgo,’shesaidgently。
  Hesighed,heldhercloser,thenrelaxedtorestagain。
  Hehadnotguessedhertears。Hethoughtshewastherewithhim。
  `Imustgo,’sherepeated。
  Heliftedhimselfkneeledbesideheramoment,kissedtheinnersideofherthighs,thendrewdownherskirts,buttoninghisownclothesunthinking,noteventurningaside,inthefaint,faintlightfromthelantern。
  `Thamuncometerth’cottageonetime,’hesaid,lookingdownatherwithawarm,sure,easyface。
  Butshelaythereinert,andwasgazingupathimthinking:Stranger!
  Stranger!Sheevenresentedhimalittle。
  Heputonhiscoatandlookedforhishat,whichhadfallen,thenheslungonhisgun。
  `Comethen!’hesaid,lookingdownatherwiththosewarm,peacefulsortofeyes。
  Sheroseslowly。Shedidn’twanttogo。Shealsoratherresentedstaying。
  Hehelpedherwithherthinwaterproofandsawshewastidy。
  Thenheopenedthedoor。Theoutsidewasquitedark。Thefaithfuldogundertheporchstoodupwithpleasureseeinghim。Thedrizzleofraindriftedgreylypastuponthedarkness。Itwasquitedark。
  `Ahmunta’eth’lantern,’hesaid。`The’llbenob’dy。’
  Hewalkedjustbeforeherinthenarrowpath,swingingthehurricanelamplow,revealingthewetgrass,theblackshinytree-rootslikesnakes,wanflowers。Fortherest,allwasgreyrain-mistandcompletedarkness。
  `Thamuncometothecottageonetime,’hesaid,`shallta?Wemightaswellbehungforasheepasforalamb。’
  Itpuzzledher,hisqueer,persistentwantingher,whentherewasnothingbetweenthem,whenheneverreallyspoketoher,andinspiteofherselfsheresentedthedialect。His`thamuncome’seemednotaddressedtoher,butsomecommonwoman。Sherecognizedthefoxgloveleavesoftheridingandknew,moreorless,wheretheywere。
  `It’squarterpastseven,’hesaid,`you’lldoit。’Hehadchangedhisvoice,seemedtofeelherdistance。Astheyturnedthelastbendintheridingtowardsthehazelwallandthegate,heblewoutthelight。`We’llseefromhere,’besaid,takinghergentlybythearm。