MrLinleywasthegeneralmanagerofthecollieries,anelderlymanfromthenorth,withnotquiteenoughpunchtosuitClifford;notuptopost-warconditions,norpost-warcollierseither,withtheir`ca’canny’
creed。ButConnielikedMrLinley,thoughshewasgladtobesparedthetoadyingofhiswife。
Linleystayedtodinner,andConniewasthehostessmenlikedsomuch,somodest,yetsoattentiveandaware,withbig,wideblueeyesaridasoftreposethatsufficientlyhidwhatshewasreallythinking。Conniehadplayedthiswomansomuch,itwasalmostsecondnaturetoher;butstill,decidedlysecond。Yetitwascurioushoweverythingdisappearedfromherconsciousnesswhilesheplayedit。
Shewaitedpatientlytillshecouldgoupstairsandthinkherownthoughts。
Shewasalwayswaiting,itseemedtobeherforte。
Onceinherroom,however,shefeltstillvagueandconfused。Shedidn’tknowwhattothink。Whatsortofamanwashe,really?Didhereallylikeher?Notmuch,shefelt。Yethewaskind。Therewassomething,asortofwarmnaivekindness,curiousandsudden,thatalmostopenedherwombtohim。Butshefelthemightbekindlikethattoanywoman。Thoughevenso,itwascuriouslysoothing,comforting。Andhewasapassionateman,wholesomeandpassionate。Butperhapshewasn’tquiteindividualenough;
hemightbethesamewithanywomanashehadbeenwithher。Itreallywasn’tpersonal。Shewasonlyreallyafemaletohim。
Butperhapsthatwasbetter。Andafterall,hewaskindtothefemaleinher,whichnomanhadeverbeen。Menwereverykindtothepersonshewas,butrathercrueltothefemale,despisingherorignoringheraltogether。MenwereawfullykindtoConstanceReidortoLadyChatterley;
butnottoherwombtheyweren’tkind。AndhetooknonoticeofConstanceorofLadyChatterley;hejustsoftlystrokedherloinsorherbreasts。
Shewenttothewoodnextday。Itwasagrey,stillafternoon,withthedark-greendogs-mercuryspreadingunderthehazelcopse,andallthetreesmakingasilentefforttoopentheirbuds。Todayshecouldalmostfeelitinherownbody,thehugeheaveofthesapinthemassivetrees,upwards,up,uptothebud-a,theretopushintolittleflameyoak-leaves,bronzeasblood。Itwaslikeariderunningturgidupward,andspreadingonthesky。
Shecametotheclearing,buthewasnotthere。Shehadonlyhalfexpectedhim。Thepheasantchickswererunninglightlyabroad,lightasinsects,fromthecoopswherethefellowhenscluckedanxiously。Conniesatandwatchedthem,andwaited。Sheonlywaited。Eventhechicksshehardlysaw。
Shewaited。
Thetimepassedwithdream-likeslowness,andhedidnotcome。Shehadonlyhalfexpectedhim。Henevercameintheafternoon。Shemustgohometotea。Butshehadtoforceherselftoleave。
Asshewenthome,afinedrizzleofrainfell。
`Isitrainingagain?’saidClifford,seeinghershakeherhat。
`Justdrizzle。’
Shepouredteainsilence,absorbedinasortofobstinacy。Shedidwanttoseethekeepertoday,toseeifitwerereallyreal。Ifitwerereallyreal。
`ShallIreadalittletoyouafterwards?’saidClifford。
Shelookedathim。Hadhesensedsomething?
`Thespringmakesmefeelqueer——IthoughtImightrestalittle,’
shesaid。
`Justasyoulike。Notfeelingreallyunwell,areyou?’
`No!Onlyrathertired——withthespring。WillyouhaveMrsBoltontoplaysomethingwithyou?’
`No!IthinkI’lllistenin。’
Sheheardthecurioussatisfactioninhisvoice。Shewentupstairstoherbedroom。Theresheheardtheloudspeakerbegintobellow,inanidioticallyvelveteen-genteelsortofvoice,somethingaboutaseriesofstreet-cries,theverycreamofgenteelaffectationimitatingoldcriers。Shepulledonheroldvioletcolouredmackintosh,andslippedoutofthehouseatthesidedoor。
Thedrizzleofrainwaslikeaveilovertheworld,mysterious,hushed,notcold。Shegotverywarmasshehurriedacrossthepark。Shehadtoopenherlightwaterproof。
Thewoodwassilent,stillandsecretintheeveningdrizzleofrain,fullofthemysteryofeggsandhalf-openbuds,halfunsheathedflowers。
Inthedimnessofitalltreesglistenednakedanddarkasiftheyhadunclothedthemselves,andthegreenthingsonearthseemedtohumwithgreenness。
Therewasstillnooneattheclearing。Thechickshadnearlyallgoneunderthemother-hens,onlyoneortwolastadventurousonesstilldibbedaboutinthedrynessunderthestrawroofshelter。Andtheyweredoubtfulofthemselves。
So!Hestillhadnotbeen。Hewasstayingawayonpurpose。Orperhapssomethingwaswrong。Perhapssheshouldgotothecottageandsee。
Butshewasborntowait。Sheopenedthehutwithherkey。Itwasalltidy,thecornputinthebin,theblanketsfoldedontheshelf,thestrawneatinacorner;anewbundleofstraw。Thehurricanelamphungonanail。
Thetableandchairhadbeenputbackwhereshehadlain。
Shesatdownonastoolinthedoorway。Howstilleverythingwas!Thefinerainblewverysoftly,filmily,butthewindmadenonoise。Nothingmadeanysound。Thetreesstoodlikepowerfulbeings,dim,twilit,silentandalive。Howaliveeverythingwas!
Nightwasdrawingnearagain;shewouldhavetogo。Hewasavoidingher。
Butsuddenlyhecamestridingintotheclearing,inhisblackoilskinjacketlikeachauffeur,shiningwithwet。Heglancedquicklyatthehut,half-saluted,thenveeredasideandwentontothecoops。Therehecrouchedinsilence,lookingcarefullyateverything,thencarefullyshuttingthehensandchicksupsafeagainstthenight。
Atlasthecameslowlytowardsher。Shestillsatonherstool。Hestoodbeforeherundertheporch。
`Youcomethen,’hesaid,usingtheintonationofthedialect。
`Yes,’shesaid,lookingupathim。`You’relate!’
`Ay!’hereplied,lookingawayintothewood。
Sheroseslowly,drawingasideherstool。
`Didyouwanttocomein?’sheasked。
Helookeddownathershrewdly。
`Won’tfolksbethinkin’somethink,youcomin’hereeverynight?’hesaid。
`Why?’Shelookedupathim,ataloss。`IsaidI’dcome。Nobodyknows。’
`Theysoonwill,though,’hereplied。`An’whatthen?’
Shewasatalossforananswer。
`Whyshouldtheyknow?’shesaid。
`Folksalwaysdoes,’hesaidfatally。
Herlipquiveredalittle。
`WellIcan’thelpit,’shefaltered。
`Nay,’hesaid。`Youcanhelpitbynotcomin’——ifyerwantto,’headded,inalowertone。
`ButIdon’twantto,’shemurmured。
Helookedawayintothewood,andwassilent。
`Butwhatwhenfolksfindsout?’heaskedatlast。`Thinkaboutit!
Thinkhowloweredyou’llfeel,oneofyourhusband’sservants。’
Shelookedupathisavertedface。
`Isit,’shestammered,`isitthatyoudon’twantme?’
`Think!’hesaid。`ThinkwhatiffolksfindoutSirCliffordan’a’——an’
everybodytalkin’——’
`Well,Icangoaway。’
`Whereto?’
`Anywhere!I’vegotmoneyofmyown。Mymotherleftmetwentythousandpoundsintrust,andIknowCliffordcan’ttouchit。Icangoaway。’
`But’appenyoudon’twanttogoaway。’
`Yes,yes!Idon’tcarewhathappenstome。’
`Ay,youthinkthat!Butyou’llcare!You’llhavetocare,everybodyhas。You’vegottorememberyourLadyshipiscarryingonwithagame-keeper。
It’snotasifIwasagentleman。Yes,you’dcare。You’dcare。’
`Ishouldn’t。WhatdoIcareaboutmyladyship!Ihateitreally。I
feelpeoplearejeeringeverytimetheysayit。Andtheyare,theyare!
Evenyoujeerwhenyousayit。’
`Me!’
Forthefirsttimehelookedstraightather,andintohereyes。`I
don’tjeeratyou,’hesaid。
Ashelookedintohereyesshesawhisowneyesgodark,quitedark,thepupilsdilating。
`Don’tyoucareabouta’therisk?’heaskedinahuskyvoice。`Youshouldcare。Don’tcarewhenit’stoolate!’
Therewasacuriouswarningpleadinginhisvoice。
`ButI’venothingtolose,’shesaidfretfully。`Ifyouknewwhatitis,you’dthinkI’dbegladtoloseit。Butareyouafraidforyourself?’
`Ay!’hesaidbriefly。`Iam。I’mafraid。I’mafraid。I’mafraidO’
things。’
`Whatthings?’sheasked。
Hegaveacuriousbackwardjerkofhishead,indicatingtheouterworld。
`Things!Everybody!Thelotof’em。’
Thenhebentdownandsuddenlykissedherunhappyface。
`Nay,Idon’tcare,’hesaid。`Let’shaveit,an’damntherest。Butifyouwastofeelsorryyou’deverdoneit——!’
`Don’tputmeoff,’shepleaded。
Heputhisfingerstohercheekandkissedheragainsuddenly。
`Letmecomeinthen,’hesaidsoftly。`An’takeoffyourmackintosh。’
Hehunguphisgun,slippedoutofhiswetleatherjacket,andreachedfortheblankets。
`Ibroughtanotherblanket,’hesaid,`sowecanputoneoverusifyoulike。’
`Ican’tstaylong,’shesaid。`Dinnerishalf-pastseven。’
Helookedatherswiftly,thenathiswatch。
`Allright,’hesaid。
Heshutthedoor,andlitatinylightinthehanginghurricanelamp。
`Onetimewe’llhavealongtime,’hesaid。
Heputtheblanketsdowncarefully,onefoldedforherhead。Thenhesatdownamomentonthestool,anddrewhertohim,holdingherclosewithonearm,feelingforherbodywithhisfreehand。Sheheardthecatchofhisintakenbreathashefoundher。Underherfrailpetticoatshewasnaked。
`Eh!whatitistotouchthee!’hesaid,ashisfingercaressedthedelicate,warm,secretskinofherwaistandhips。Heputhisfacedownandrubbedhischeekagainstherbellyandagainstherthighsagainandagain。Andagainshewonderedalittleoverthesortofraptureitwastohim。Shedidnotunderstandthebeautyhefoundinher,throughtouchuponherlivingsecretbody,almosttheecstasyofbeauty。Forpassionaloneisawaketoit。Andwhenpassionisdead,orabsent,thenthemagnificentthrobofbeautyisincomprehensibleandevenalittledespicable;warm,livebeautyofcontact,somuchdeeperthanthebeautyofvision。Shefelttheglideofhischeekonherthighsandbellyandbuttocks,andtheclosebrushingofhismoustacheandhissoftthickhair,andherkneesbegantoquiver。Fardowninhershefeltanewstirring,anewnakednessemerging。
Andshewashalfafraid。Halfshewishedhewouldnotcaressherso。Hewasencompassinghersomehow。Yetshewaswaiting,waiting。
Andwhenhecameintoher,withanintensificationofreliefandconsummationthatwaspurepeacetohim,stillshewaswaiting。Shefeltherselfalittleleftout。Andsheknew,partlyitwasherownfault。Shewilledherselfintothisseparateness。Nowperhapsshewascondemnedtoit。Shelaystill,feelinghismotionwithinher,hisdeep-sunkintentness,thesuddenquiverofhimatthespringingofhisseed,thentheslow-subsidingthrust。Thatthrustofthebuttocks,surelyitwasalittleridiculous。Ifyouwereawoman,andapartinallthebusiness,surelythatthrustingoftheman’sbuttockswassupremelyridiculous。Surelythemanwasintenselyridiculousinthispostureandthisact!
Butshelaystill,withoutrecoil。Evenwhenhehadfinished,shedidnotrouseherselftogetagriponherownsatisfaction,asshehaddonewithMichaelis;shelaystill,andthetearsslowlyfilledandranfromhereyes。
Helaystill,too。Butheheldhercloseandtriedtocoverherpoornakedlegswithhislegs,tokeepthemwarm。Helayonherwithaclose,undoubtingwarmth。
`Areyercold?’heasked,inasoft,smallvoice,asifshewereclose,soclose。Whereasshewasleftout,distant。
`No!ButImustgo,’shesaidgently。
Hesighed,heldhercloser,thenrelaxedtorestagain。
Hehadnotguessedhertears。Hethoughtshewastherewithhim。
`Imustgo,’sherepeated。
Heliftedhimselfkneeledbesideheramoment,kissedtheinnersideofherthighs,thendrewdownherskirts,buttoninghisownclothesunthinking,noteventurningaside,inthefaint,faintlightfromthelantern。
`Thamuncometerth’cottageonetime,’hesaid,lookingdownatherwithawarm,sure,easyface。
Butshelaythereinert,andwasgazingupathimthinking:Stranger!
Stranger!Sheevenresentedhimalittle。
Heputonhiscoatandlookedforhishat,whichhadfallen,thenheslungonhisgun。
`Comethen!’hesaid,lookingdownatherwiththosewarm,peacefulsortofeyes。
Sheroseslowly。Shedidn’twanttogo。Shealsoratherresentedstaying。
Hehelpedherwithherthinwaterproofandsawshewastidy。
Thenheopenedthedoor。Theoutsidewasquitedark。Thefaithfuldogundertheporchstoodupwithpleasureseeinghim。Thedrizzleofraindriftedgreylypastuponthedarkness。Itwasquitedark。
`Ahmunta’eth’lantern,’hesaid。`The’llbenob’dy。’
Hewalkedjustbeforeherinthenarrowpath,swingingthehurricanelamplow,revealingthewetgrass,theblackshinytree-rootslikesnakes,wanflowers。Fortherest,allwasgreyrain-mistandcompletedarkness。
`Thamuncometothecottageonetime,’hesaid,`shallta?Wemightaswellbehungforasheepasforalamb。’
Itpuzzledher,hisqueer,persistentwantingher,whentherewasnothingbetweenthem,whenheneverreallyspoketoher,andinspiteofherselfsheresentedthedialect。His`thamuncome’seemednotaddressedtoher,butsomecommonwoman。Sherecognizedthefoxgloveleavesoftheridingandknew,moreorless,wheretheywere。
`It’squarterpastseven,’hesaid,`you’lldoit。’Hehadchangedhisvoice,seemedtofeelherdistance。Astheyturnedthelastbendintheridingtowardsthehazelwallandthegate,heblewoutthelight。`We’llseefromhere,’besaid,takinghergentlybythearm。