首页 >出版文学> Mansfield Parkby>第70章

第70章

  butbywhatothernamecanIcallyou?Doyousupposeyouareeverpresenttomyimaginationunderanyother?
  No,itis’Fanny’thatIthinkofallday,anddreamofallnight。Youhavegiventhenamesuchrealityofsweetness,thatnothingelsecannowbedescriptiveofyou。“
  Fannycouldhardlyhavekeptherseatanylonger,orhaverefrainedfromatleasttryingtogetawayinspiteofallthetoopublicoppositionsheforesawtoit,haditnotbeenforthesoundofapproachingrelief,theverysoundwhichshehadbeenlongwatchingfor,andlongthinkingstrangelydelayed。
  Thesolemnprocession,headedbyBaddeley,oftea-board,urn,andcake-bearers,madeitsappearance,anddeliveredherfromagrievousimprisonmentofbodyandmind。
  Mr。Crawfordwasobligedtomove。Shewasatliberty,shewasbusy,shewasprotected。
  Edmundwasnotsorrytobeadmittedagainamongthenumberofthosewhomightspeakandhear。Butthoughtheconferencehadseemedfulllongtohim,andthoughonlookingatFannyhesawratheraflushofvexation,heinclinedtohopethatsomuchcouldnothavebeensaidandlistenedtowithoutsomeprofittothespeaker。
  EdmundhaddeterminedthatitbelongedentirelytoFannytochusewhetherhersituationwithregardtoCrawfordshouldbementionedbetweenthemornot;andthatifshedidnotleadtheway,itshouldneverbetouchedonbyhim;
  butafteradayortwoofmutualreserve,hewasinducedbyhisfathertochangehismind,andtrywhathisinfluencemightdoforhisfriend。
  Aday,andaveryearlyday,wasactuallyfixedfortheCrawfords’departure;andSirThomasthoughtitmightbeaswelltomakeonemoreeffortfortheyoungmanbeforeheleftMansfield,thatallhisprofessionsandvowsofunshakenattachmentmighthaveasmuchhopetosustainthemaspossible。
  SirThomaswasmostcordiallyanxiousfortheperfectionofMr。Crawford’scharacterinthatpoint。Hewishedhimtobeamodelofconstancy;andfanciedthebestmeansofeffectingitwouldbebynottryinghimtoolong。
  Edmundwasnotunwillingtobepersuadedtoengageinthebusiness;hewantedtoknowFanny’sfeelings。
  Shehadbeenusedtoconsulthimineverydifficulty,andhelovedhertoowelltobeartobedeniedherconfidencenow;hehopedtobeofservicetoher,hethoughthemustbeofservicetoher;whomelsehadshetoopenherheartto?Ifshedidnotneedcounsel,shemustneedthecomfortofcommunication。Fannyestrangedfromhim,silentandreserved,wasanunnaturalstateofthings;
  astatewhichhemustbreakthrough,andwhichhecouldeasilylearntothinkshewaswantinghimtobreakthrough。
  “Iwillspeaktoher,sir:Iwilltakethefirstopportunityofspeakingtoheralone,“wastheresultofsuchthoughtsasthese;anduponSirThomas’sinformationofherbeingatthatverytimewalkingaloneintheshrubbery,heinstantlyjoinedher。
  “Iamcometowalkwithyou,Fanny,“saidhe。“ShallI?“
  Drawingherarmwithinhis。“Itisalongwhilesincewehavehadacomfortablewalktogether。“
  Sheassentedtoitallratherbylookthanword。
  Herspiritswerelow。
  “But,Fanny,“hepresentlyadded,“inordertohaveacomfortablewalk,somethingmoreisnecessarythanmerelypacingthisgraveltogether。Youmusttalktome。
  Iknowyouhavesomethingonyourmind。Iknowwhatyouarethinkingof。Youcannotsupposemeuninformed。
  AmItohearofitfromeverybodybutFannyherself?“
  Fanny,atonceagitatedanddejected,replied,“Ifyouhearofitfromeverybody,cousin,therecanbenothingformetotell。“
  “Notoffacts,perhaps;butoffeelings,Fanny。
  Noonebutyoucantellmethem。Idonotmeantopressyou,however。Ifitisnotwhatyouwishyourself,Ihavedone。Ihadthoughtitmightbearelief。“
  “IamafraidwethinktoodifferentlyformetofindanyreliefintalkingofwhatIfeel。“
  “Doyousupposethatwethinkdifferently?Ihavenoideaofit。Idaresaythat,onacomparisonofouropinions,theywouldbefoundasmuchalikeastheyhavebeenusedtobe:
  tothepoint——IconsiderCrawford’sproposalsasmostadvantageousanddesirable,ifyoucouldreturnhisaffection。
  Iconsideritasmostnaturalthatallyourfamilyshouldwishyoucouldreturnit;butthat,asyoucannot,youhavedoneexactlyasyououghtinrefusinghim。
  Cantherebeanydisagreementbetweenushere?“
  “Ohno!ButIthoughtyoublamedme。Ithoughtyouwereagainstme。Thisissuchacomfort!“
  “Thiscomfortyoumighthavehadsooner,Fanny,hadyousoughtit。Buthowcouldyoupossiblysupposemeagainstyou?
  Howcouldyouimaginemeanadvocateformarriagewithoutlove?
  WereIevencarelessingeneralonsuchmatters,howcouldyouimaginemesowhereyourhappinesswasatstake?“
  “Myunclethoughtmewrong,andIknewhehadbeentalkingtoyou。“
  “Asfarasyouhavegone,Fanny,Ithinkyouperfectlyright。
  Imaybesorry,Imaybesurprised——thoughhardly_that_,foryouhadnothadtimetoattachyourself——butIthinkyouperfectlyright。Canitadmitofaquestion?
  Itisdisgracefultousifitdoes。Youdidnotlovehim;
  nothingcouldhavejustifiedyouracceptinghim。“
  Fannyhadnotfeltsocomfortablefordaysanddays。
  “Sofaryourconducthasbeenfaultless,andtheywerequitemistakenwhowishedyoutodootherwise。Butthematterdoesnotendhere。Crawford’sisnocommonattachment;
  heperseveres,withthehopeofcreatingthatregardwhichhadnotbeencreatedbefore。This,weknow,mustbeaworkoftime。But“withanaffectionatesmile
  “lethimsucceedatlast,Fanny,lethimsucceedatlast。
  Youhaveprovedyourselfuprightanddisinterested,proveyourselfgratefulandtender-hearted;andthenyouwillbetheperfectmodelofawomanwhichIhavealwaysbelievedyoubornfor。“
  “Oh!never,never,never!heneverwillsucceedwithme。“
  AndshespokewithawarmthwhichquiteastonishedEdmund,andwhichsheblushedattherecollectionofherself,whenshesawhislook,andheardhimreply,“Never!Fanny!——
  soverydeterminedandpositive!Thisisnotlikeyourself,yourrationalself。“
  “Imean,“shecried,sorrowfullycorrectingherself,“thatI_think_Inevershall,asfarasthefuturecanbeansweredfor;IthinkInevershallreturnhisregard。“
  “Imusthopebetterthings。Iamaware,moreawarethanCrawfordcanbe,thatthemanwhomeanstomakeyoulovehimyouhavingduenoticeofhisintentions
  musthaveveryuphillwork,forthereareallyourearlyattachmentsandhabitsinbattlearray;andbeforehecangetyourheartforhisownusehehastounfastenitfromalltheholdsuponthingsanimateandinanimate,whichsomanyyears’growthhaveconfirmed,andwhichareconsiderablytightenedforthemomentbytheveryideaofseparation。IknowthattheapprehensionofbeingforcedtoquitMansfieldwillforatimebearmingyouagainsthim。Iwishhehadnotbeenobligedtotellyouwhathewastryingfor。IwishhehadknownyouaswellasIdo,Fanny。Betweenus,Ithinkweshouldhavewonyou。
  Mytheoreticalandhispracticalknowledgetogethercouldnothavefailed。Heshouldhaveworkeduponmyplans。
  Imusthope,however,thattime,provinghimasIfirmlybelieveitwilltodeserveyoubyhissteadyaffection,willgivehimhisreward。Icannotsupposethatyouhavenotthe_wish_tolovehim——thenaturalwishofgratitude。
  Youmusthavesomefeelingofthatsort。Youmustbesorryforyourownindifference。“
  “Wearesototallyunlike,“saidFanny,avoidingadirectanswer,“wearesovery,verydifferentinallourinclinationsandways,thatIconsideritasquiteimpossibleweshouldeverbetolerablyhappytogether,evenifI_could_likehim。Thereneverweretwopeoplemoredissimilar。Wehavenotonetasteincommon。
  Weshouldbemiserable。
  “Youaremistaken,Fanny。Thedissimilarityisnotsostrong。
  Youarequiteenoughalike。You_have_tastesincommon。
  Youhavemoralandliterarytastesincommon。Youhavebothwarmheartsandbenevolentfeelings;and,Fanny,whothatheardhimread,andsawyoulistentoShakespearetheothernight,willthinkyouunfittedascompanions?