首页 >出版文学> Mansfield Parkby>第54章

第54章

  andinthecourseofalongmorning,spentprincipallywithhertwoaunts,shewasoftenundertheinfluenceofmuchlesssanguineviews。William,determinedtomakethislastdayadayofthoroughenjoyment,wasoutsnipe-shooting;Edmund,shehadtoomuchreasontosuppose,wasattheParsonage;andleftalonetobeartheworryingofMrs。Norris,whowascrossbecausethehousekeeperwouldhaveherownwaywiththesupper,andwhom_she_couldnotavoidthoughthehousekeepermight,Fannywasworndownatlasttothinkeverythinganevilbelongingtotheball,andwhensentoffwithapartingworrytodress,movedaslanguidlytowardsherownroom,andfeltasincapableofhappinessasifshehadbeenallowednoshareinit。
  Asshewalkedslowlyupstairsshethoughtofyesterday;
  ithadbeenaboutthesamehourthatshehadreturnedfromtheParsonage,andfoundEdmundintheEastroom。
  “SupposeIweretofindhimthereagainto-day!“saidshetoherself,inafondindulgenceoffancy。
  “Fanny,“saidavoiceatthatmomentnearher。
  Startingandlookingup,shesaw,acrossthelobbyshehadjustreached,Edmundhimself,standingattheheadofadifferentstaircase。Hecametowardsher。“Youlooktiredandfagged,Fanny。Youhavebeenwalkingtoofar。“
  “No,Ihavenotbeenoutatall。“
  “Thenyouhavehadfatigueswithindoors,whichareworse。
  Youhadbetterhavegoneout。“
  Fanny,notlikingtocomplain,founditeasiesttomakenoanswer;andthoughhelookedatherwithhisusualkindness,shebelievedhehadsoonceasedtothinkofhercountenance。
  Hedidnotappearinspirits:somethingunconnectedwithherwasprobablyamiss。Theyproceededupstairstogether,theirroomsbeingonthesamefloorabove。
  “IcomefromDr。Grant’s,“saidEdmundpresently。
  “Youmayguessmyerrandthere,Fanny。“Andhelookedsoconscious,thatFannycouldthinkbutofoneerrand,whichturnedhertoosickforspeech。“IwishedtoengageMissCrawfordforthetwofirstdances,“wastheexplanationthatfollowed,andbroughtFannytolifeagain,enablingher,asshefoundshewasexpectedtospeak,touttersomethinglikeaninquiryastotheresult。
  “Yes,“heanswered,“sheisengagedtome;but“withasmilethatdidnotsiteasy“shesaysitistobethelasttimethatsheeverwilldancewithme。Sheisnotserious。
  Ithink,Ihope,Iamsuresheisnotserious;butIwouldrathernothearit。Sheneverhasdancedwithaclergyman,shesays,andshenever_will_。Formyownsake,Icouldwishtherehadbeennoballjustat——Imeannotthisveryweek,thisveryday;to-morrowIleavehome。“
  Fannystruggledforspeech,andsaid,“Iamverysorrythatanythinghasoccurredtodistressyou。Thisoughttobeadayofpleasure。Myunclemeantitso。“
  “Ohyes,yes!anditwillbeadayofpleasure。
  Itwillallendright。Iamonlyvexedforamoment。
  Infact,itisnotthatIconsidertheballasill-timed;
  whatdoesitsignify?But,Fanny,“stoppingher,bytakingherhand,andspeakinglowandseriously,“youknowwhatallthismeans。Youseehowitis;
  andcouldtellme,perhapsbetterthanIcouldtellyou,howandwhyIamvexed。Letmetalktoyoualittle。
  Youareakind,kindlistener。Ihavebeenpainedbyhermannerthismorning,andcannotgetthebetterofit。Iknowherdispositiontobeassweetandfaultlessasyourown,buttheinfluenceofherformercompanionsmakesherseem——givestoherconversation,toherprofessedopinions,sometimesatingeofwrong。
  Shedoesnot_think_evil,butshespeaksit,speaksitinplayfulness;andthoughIknowittobeplayfulness,itgrievesmetothesoul。“
  “Theeffectofeducation,“saidFannygently。
  Edmundcouldnotbutagreetoit。“Yes,thatuncleandaunt!
  Theyhaveinjuredthefinestmind;forsometimes,Fanny,Iowntoyou,itdoesappearmorethanmanner:
  itappearsasiftheminditselfwastainted。“
  Fannyimaginedthistobeanappealtoherjudgment,andtherefore,afteramoment’sconsideration,said,“Ifyouonlywantmeasalistener,cousin,IwillbeasusefulasIcan;butIamnotqualifiedforanadviser。
  Donotaskadviceof_me_。Iamnotcompetent。“
  “Youareright,Fanny,toprotestagainstsuchanoffice,butyouneednotbeafraid。ItisasubjectonwhichI
  shouldneveraskadvice;itisthesortofsubjectonwhichithadbetterneverbeasked;andfew,Iimagine,doaskit,butwhentheywanttobeinfluencedagainsttheirconscience。Ionlywanttotalktoyou。“
  “Onethingmore。Excusetheliberty;buttakecare_how_youtalktome。Donottellmeanythingnow,whichhereafteryoumaybesorryfor。Thetimemaycome——“
  Thecolourrushedintohercheeksasshespoke。
  “DearestFanny!“criedEdmund,pressingherhandtohislipswithalmostasmuchwarmthasifithadbeenMissCrawford’s,“youareallconsideratethought!
  Butitisunnecessaryhere。Thetimewillnevercome。
  Nosuchtimeasyoualludetowillevercome。Ibegintothinkitmostimprobable:thechancesgrowlessandless;
  andevenifitshould,therewillbenothingtoberememberedbyeitheryouormethatweneedbeafraidof,forIcanneverbeashamedofmyownscruples;andiftheyareremoved,itmustbebychangesthatwillonlyraisehercharacterthemorebytherecollectionofthefaultssheoncehad。YouaretheonlybeinguponearthtowhomIshouldsaywhatIhavesaid;butyouhavealwaysknownmyopinionofher;youcanbearmewitness,Fanny,thatI
  haveneverbeenblinded。Howmanyatimehavewetalkedoverherlittleerrors!Youneednotfearme;
  Ihavealmostgivenupeveryseriousideaofher;
  butImustbeablockheadindeed,if,whateverbefellme,Icouldthinkofyourkindnessandsympathywithoutthesincerestgratitude。“
  Hehadsaidenoughtoshaketheexperienceofeighteen。
  HehadsaidenoughtogiveFannysomehappierfeelingsthanshehadlatelyknown,andwithabrighterlook,sheanswered,“Yes,cousin,Iamconvincedthat_you_
  wouldbeincapableofanythingelse,thoughperhapssomemightnot。Icannotbeafraidofhearinganythingyouwishtosay。Donotcheckyourself。Tellmewhateveryoulike。“
  Theywerenowonthesecondfloor,andtheappearanceofahousemaidpreventedanyfartherconversation。
  ForFanny’spresentcomfortitwasconcluded,perhaps,atthehappiestmoment:hadhebeenabletotalkanotherfiveminutes,thereisnosayingthathemightnothavetalkedawayallMissCrawford’sfaultsandhisowndespondence。
  Butasitwas,theypartedwithlooksonhissideofgratefulaffection,andwithsomeveryprecioussensationsonhers。Shehadfeltnothinglikeitforhours。
  SincethefirstjoyfromMr。Crawford’snotetoWilliamhadwornaway,shehadbeeninastateabsolutelythereverse;
  therehadbeennocomfortaround,nohopewithinher。
  Noweverythingwassmiling。William’sgoodfortunereturnedagainuponhermind,andseemedofgreatervaluethanatfirst。Theball,too——suchaneveningofpleasurebeforeher!Itwasnowarealanimation;
  andshebegantodressforitwithmuchofthehappyflutterwhichbelongstoaball。Allwentwell:
  shedidnotdislikeherownlooks;andwhenshecametothenecklacesagain,hergoodfortuneseemedcomplete,forupontrialtheonegivenherbyMissCrawfordwouldbynomeansgothroughtheringofthecross。Shehad,toobligeEdmund,resolvedtowearit;butitwastoolargeforthepurpose。His,therefore,mustbeworn;
  andhaving,withdelightfulfeelings,joinedthechainandthecross——thosememorialsofthetwomostbelovedofherheart,thosedearesttokenssoformedforeachotherbyeverythingrealandimaginary——andputthemroundherneck,andseenandfelthowfullofWilliamandEdmundtheywere,shewasable,withoutaneffort,toresolveonwearingMissCrawford’snecklacetoo。
  Sheacknowledgedittoberight。MissCrawfordhadaclaim;
  andwhenitwasnolongertoencroachon,tointerferewiththestrongerclaims,thetruerkindnessofanother,shecoulddoherjusticeevenwithpleasuretoherself。
  Thenecklacereallylookedverywell;andFannyleftherroomatlast,comfortablysatisfiedwithherselfandallabouther。
  HerauntBertramhadrecollectedheronthisoccasionwithanunusualdegreeofwakefulness。Ithadreallyoccurredtoher,unprompted,thatFanny,preparingforaball,mightbegladofbetterhelpthantheupperhousemaid’s,andwhendressedherself,sheactuallysentherownmaidtoassisther;toolate,ofcourse,tobeofanyuse。