首页 >出版文学> Mansfield Parkby>第53章

第53章

  No,Icansafelysay,Ihavenopleasuresocomplete,sounalloyed。Itiswithoutadrawback。“
  UponsuchexpressionsofaffectionFannycouldhavelivedanhourwithoutsayinganotherword;butEdmund,afterwaitingamoment,obligedhertobringdownhermindfromitsheavenlyflightbysaying,“Butwhatisitthatyouwanttoconsultmeabout?“
  Itwasaboutthenecklace,whichshewasnowmostearnestlylongingtoreturn,andhopedtoobtainhisapprobationofherdoing。Shegavethehistoryofherrecentvisit,andnowherrapturesmightwellbeover;forEdmundwassostruckwiththecircumstance,sodelightedwithwhatMissCrawfordhaddone,sogratifiedbysuchacoincidenceofconductbetweenthem,thatFannycouldnotbutadmitthesuperiorpowerofonepleasureoverhisownmind,thoughitmighthaveitsdrawback。Itwassometimebeforeshecouldgethisattentiontoherplan,oranyanswertoherdemandofhisopinion:hewasinareverieoffondreflection,utteringonlynowandthenafewhalf-sentencesofpraise;butwhenhedidawakeandunderstand,hewasverydecidedinopposingwhatshewished。
  “Returnthenecklace!No,mydearFanny,uponnoaccount。
  Itwouldbemortifyingherseverely。Therecanhardlybeamoreunpleasantsensationthanthehavinganythingreturnedonourhandswhichwehavegivenwithareasonablehopeofitscontributingtothecomfortofafriend。
  Whyshouldsheloseapleasurewhichshehasshewnherselfsodeservingof?“
  “Ifithadbeengiventomeinthefirstinstance,“
  saidFanny,“Ishouldnothavethoughtofreturningit;
  butbeingherbrother’spresent,isnotitfairtosupposethatshewouldrathernotpartwithit,whenitisnotwanted?“
  “Shemustnotsupposeitnotwanted,notacceptable,atleast:anditshavingbeenoriginallyherbrother’sgiftmakesnodifference;forasshewasnotpreventedfromoffering,noryoufromtakingitonthataccount,itoughtnottopreventyoufromkeepingit。Nodoubtitishandsomerthanmine,andfitterforaballroom。“
  “No,itisnothandsomer,notatallhandsomerinitsway,and,formypurpose,nothalfsofit。
  ThechainwillagreewithWilliam’scrossbeyondallcomparisonbetterthanthenecklace。“
  “Foronenight,Fanny,foronlyonenight,ifit_be_
  asacrifice;Iamsureyouwill,uponconsideration,makethatsacrificeratherthangivepaintoonewhohasbeensostudiousofyourcomfort。MissCrawford’sattentionstoyouhavebeen——notmorethanyouwerejustlyentitledto——
  Iamthelastpersontothinkthat_could__be_,buttheyhavebeeninvariable;andtobereturningthemwithwhatmusthavesomethingthe_air_ofingratitude,thoughIknowitcouldneverhavethe_meaning_,isnotinyournature,Iamsure。Wearthenecklace,asyouareengagedtodo,to-morrowevening,andletthechain,whichwasnotorderedwithanyreferencetotheball,bekeptforcommoneroccasions。Thisismyadvice。
  IwouldnothavetheshadowofacoolnessbetweenthetwowhoseintimacyIhavebeenobservingwiththegreatestpleasure,andinwhosecharactersthereissomuchgeneralresemblanceintruegenerosityandnaturaldelicacyastomakethefewslightdifferences,resultingprincipallyfromsituation,noreasonablehindrancetoaperfectfriendship。Iwouldnothavetheshadowofacoolnessarise,“herepeated,hisvoicesinkingalittle,“betweenthetwodearestobjectsIhaveonearth。“
  Hewasgoneashespoke;andFannyremainedtotranquilliseherselfasshecould。Shewasoneofhistwodearest——
  thatmustsupporther。Buttheother:thefirst!
  Shehadneverheardhimspeaksoopenlybefore,andthoughittoldhernomorethanwhatshehadlongperceived,itwasastab,forittoldofhisownconvictionsandviews。
  Theyweredecided。HewouldmarryMissCrawford。
  Itwasastab,inspiteofeverylong-standingexpectation;
  andshewasobligedtorepeatagainandagain,thatshewasoneofhistwodearest,beforethewordsgaveheranysensation。CouldshebelieveMissCrawfordtodeservehim,itwouldbe——oh,howdifferentwoulditbe——
  howfarmoretolerable!Buthewasdeceivedinher:
  hegavehermeritswhichshehadnot;herfaultswerewhattheyhadeverbeen,buthesawthemnolonger。
  Tillshehadshedmanytearsoverthisdeception,Fannycouldnotsubdueheragitation;andthedejectionwhichfollowedcouldonlyberelievedbytheinfluenceofferventprayersforhishappiness。
  Itwasherintention,asshefeltittobeherduty,totrytoovercomeallthatwasexcessive,allthatborderedonselfishness,inheraffectionforEdmund。
  Tocallortofancyitaloss,adisappointment,wouldbeapresumptionforwhichshehadnotwordsstrongenoughtosatisfyherownhumility。TothinkofhimasMissCrawfordmightbejustifiedinthinking,wouldinherbeinsanity。
  Toherhecouldbenothingunderanycircumstances;
  nothingdearerthanafriend。Whydidsuchanideaoccurtoherevenenoughtobereprobatedandforbidden?Itoughtnottohavetouchedontheconfinesofherimagination。
  Shewouldendeavourtoberational,andtodeservetherightofjudgingofMissCrawford’scharacter,andtheprivilegeoftruesolicitudeforhimbyasoundintellectandanhonestheart。
  Shehadalltheheroismofprinciple,andwasdeterminedtodoherduty;buthavingalsomanyofthefeelingsofyouthandnature,lethernotbemuchwonderedat,if,aftermakingallthesegoodresolutionsonthesideofself-government,sheseizedthescrapofpaperonwhichEdmundhadbegunwritingtoher,asatreasurebeyondallherhopes,andreadingwiththetenderestemotionthesewords,“MyverydearFanny,youmustdomethefavourtoaccept“
  lockeditupwiththechain,asthedearestpartofthegift。
  Itwastheonlythingapproachingtoaletterwhichshehadeverreceivedfromhim;shemightneverreceiveanother;
  itwasimpossiblethatsheevershouldreceiveanothersoperfectlygratifyingintheoccasionandthestyle。
  Twolinesmoreprizedhadneverfallenfromthepenofthemostdistinguishedauthor——nevermorecompletelyblessedtheresearchesofthefondestbiographer。
  Theenthusiasmofawoman’sloveisevenbeyondthebiographer’s。Toher,thehandwritingitself,independentofanythingitmayconvey,isablessedness。
  NeverweresuchcharacterscutbyanyotherhumanbeingasEdmund’scommonesthandwritinggave!Thisspecimen,writteninhasteasitwas,hadnotafault;andtherewasafelicityintheflowofthefirstfourwords,inthearrangementof“MyverydearFanny,“whichshecouldhavelookedatforever。
  Havingregulatedherthoughtsandcomfortedherfeelingsbythishappymixtureofreasonandweakness,shewasableinduetimetogodownandresumeherusualemploymentsnearherauntBertram,andpayhertheusualobservanceswithoutanyapparentwantofspirits。
  Thursday,predestinedtohopeandenjoyment,came;andopenedwithmorekindnesstoFannythansuchself-willed,unmanageabledaysoftenvolunteer,forsoonafterbreakfastaveryfriendlynotewasbroughtfromMr。CrawfordtoWilliam,statingthatashefoundhimselfobligedtogotoLondononthemorrowforafewdays,hecouldnothelptryingtoprocureacompanion;andthereforehopedthatifWilliamcouldmakeuphismindtoleaveMansfieldhalfadayearlierthanhadbeenproposed,hewouldacceptaplaceinhiscarriage。Mr。Crawfordmeanttobeintownbyhisuncle’saccustomarylatedinner-hour,andWilliamwasinvitedtodinewithhimattheAdmiral’s。
  TheproposalwasaverypleasantonetoWilliamhimself,whoenjoyedtheideaoftravellingpostwithfourhorses,andsuchagood-humoured,agreeablefriend;and,inlikeningittogoingupwithdespatches,wassayingatonceeverythinginfavourofitshappinessanddignitywhichhisimaginationcouldsuggest;andFanny,fromadifferentmotive,wasexceedinglypleased;fortheoriginalplanwasthatWilliamshouldgoupbythemailfromNorthamptonthefollowingnight,whichwouldnothaveallowedhimanhour’srestbeforehemusthavegotintoaPortsmouthcoach;
  andthoughthisofferofMr。Crawford’swouldrobherofmanyhoursofhiscompany,shewastoohappyinhavingWilliamsparedfromthefatigueofsuchajourney,tothinkofanythingelse。SirThomasapprovedofitforanotherreason。Hisnephew’sintroductiontoAdmiralCrawfordmightbeofservice。TheAdmiral,hebelieved,hadinterest。Uponthewhole,itwasaveryjoyousnote。
  Fanny’sspiritslivedonithalfthemorning,derivingsomeaccessionofpleasurefromitswriterbeinghimselftogoaway。
  Asfortheball,sonearathand,shehadtoomanyagitationsandfearstohavehalftheenjoymentinanticipationwhichsheoughttohavehad,ormusthavebeensupposedtohavebythemanyyoungladieslookingforwardtothesameeventinsituationsmoreatease,butundercircumstancesoflessnovelty,lessinterest,lesspeculiargratification,thanwouldbeattributedtoher。MissPrice,knownonlybynametohalfthepeopleinvited,wasnowtomakeherfirstappearance,andmustberegardedasthequeenoftheevening。
  WhocouldbehappierthanMissPrice?ButMissPricehadnotbeenbroughtuptothetradeof_coming__out_;
  andhadsheknowninwhatlightthisballwas,ingeneral,consideredrespectingher,itwouldverymuchhavelessenedhercomfortbyincreasingthefearsshealreadyhadofdoingwrongandbeinglookedat。Todancewithoutmuchobservationoranyextraordinaryfatigue,tohavestrengthandpartnersforabouthalftheevening,todancealittlewithEdmund,andnotagreatdealwithMr。Crawford,toseeWilliamenjoyhimself,andbeabletokeepawayfromherauntNorris,wastheheightofherambition,andseemedtocomprehendhergreatestpossibilityofhappiness。Asthesewerethebestofherhopes,theycouldnotalwaysprevail;