ReturningtoEngland/via/theWestIndiesinthecompanyofherunclewhowascominghomeonleavebeforetakingupanappointmentasMinistertooneoftheSouthAmericanrepublics,shewasgreetedontheplatformatWaterloobyherfather。SirJohnBlakehadbythistimeforgottentheirpreviousdisagreements,or,atanyrate,determinedtoignorethem,andIsobel,whowasnowinherwayafinishedwomanoftheworld,thoughshedidnotforget,hadcometoalikeconclusion。Sotheirmeetingwascordialenough,andforawhile,notaverylongwhile,theycontinuedtolivetogetherinoutwardamity,withatacitunderstandingthattheyshouldfollowtheirrespectivepaths,unmolestedbyeachother。
OntheafternoonofthefirstdayafterhisarrivalattheAbbey,somespiritinhisfeetmovedGodfreytogointothechurch。Asthoughbyinstinct,hewenttothechancel,andstoodtherecontemplatingthebrassofthenamelessPlantagenetlady。Howlongitwassincehehadlookeduponhergravenfaceandformdrapedinthestatelyhabilimentsofabygoneage!Then,herememberedwithapang,Isobelwaswithhim,andtheyhadseemedtobeveryneartogether。NowtherewasnoIsobel,andtheywereveryfarapart,bothinthespiritandintheflesh。ForhehadnotheardofherreturntoEnglandandimaginedthatshewasstillinMexico,whencenotidingsofhercametohim。
Therehestoodamongthedead,reflectingthatwedonotneedtopassoutofthebodytoknowthemeaningofdeath,since,asonceIsobelhadsaidherself,someseparationsareasbad,orworse。Thestoryofthedeadis,atanyrate,completed;thereisnothingmoretobelearnedaboutthem,andofthemweimagine,perhapsquiteerroneously,thatwehavenoneedtobejealous,sincewecannotconceivethattheymayformnewinterestsinanothersphere。Butwiththelivingitisotherwise。Somewheretheirlifeiscontinued;somewheretheyaregettingthemselvesfriendsorloversandcarryingonthedailyroundofbeing,andwehavenoshareinthemorinaughtthattheymaydo。
Andprobablytheyhaveforgottenus。And,ifwestillhappentobeattachedtothem,oh!ithurts。
ThusmusedGodfrey,tryingtopicturetohimselfwhatIsobellookedlikewhenshehadstoodbyhissideonthatlong-pastautumneve,andonlysucceededinrememberingexactlywhatshelookedlikewhenshewaskissingarosewithacertainknightinarmourinasquaregarden,sinceforsomeperversereasonitwasthispicturethatremainedsopainfullycleartohismind。Thenhedriftedoffintospeculationsuponthegeneralmysteryofthingsofasortthatwerecommonwithhim,andinthesebecameobliviousofallelse。
Hedidnotevenhearorseeatallyoungwomanenterthechurch,cladinsummerwhite,no,notwhenshewaswithinfivepaceand,becomingsuddenlyawareofhispresence,hadstoppedtostudyhimwiththeacutestinterest。InaflashIsobelknewwhohewas。Ofcoursehewasmuchchanged,forGodfrey,whohadmaturedearly,asthoseofhisgenerationwereapttodo,especiallyiftheyhadledavariedlife,wasnowahandsomeandwell-builtyoungmanwithafine,thoughtfulfaceandaquiterespectablemoustache。
“Howhehaschanged,oh!howhehaschanged,“shethoughttoherself。
Therawboyhadbecomeaman,andassheknewatoncebyherwoman’sinstinct,amanwithagreatdealinhim。Isobelwasasensiblememberofhersex;one,too,whohadseensomethingoftheworldbynow,andshedidnotexpectorwishforaheroorasaintbuiltuponthemid-
Victorianpattern,asportrayedinthebooksoftheladynovelistsofthatperiod。Shewantedamantobeaman,bypreferencewiththefaultspertainingtothemalenature,sinceshehadobservedthatthosewholackedthese,possessedothers,whichtoherrobustwomanhoodseemedfarworse,suchasmeannessandavariceandbackbiting,andalltheotherqualitiesofthePharisee。
Well,inGodfrey,whethershewererightorwrong,withthatswiftglanceofhers,sheseemedtorecogniseamanasshewishedamantobe。Ifthatstandardofhersmeantthatverypossiblyhehadadmiredotherwomen,theladywhomhehadpulledupaprecipice,forinstance,shedidnotmindparticularly,solongasheadmiredher,Isobel,mostofall。Thatwasherone/sinequanon/,thatheshouldadmirehermostofall,orratherbefondestofherinhisinnermostself。
Whatwasshethinkingabout?Whatwastheretoshowthathecaredonebrassfarthingabouther?Nothingatall。Andyet,whywasheherewhereshehadpartedfromhimsolongago?Surelynottostareatthegraveofadeadwomanwithwhomhecouldhavehadnothingtodo,sinceshelefttheworldsomefivecenturiesbefore。Andanotherquestion。
Whathadbroughtherhere,shewhohatedchurchesandallthemummerythattheysignified?
Wouldheneverwakeup?Wouldheneverrealiseherpresence?Oh!thenhecouldcarenothingabouther。ProbablyhewasthinkingofthegirlhehadpulledupacliffintheAlps。Butwhydidhecometothisplacetothinkof/her/?
IsobelstoodquitestillthereandwaitedintheshadowofaGeorgiantomb,tillpresentlyGodfreydidseemtogrowawarethathewasnolongeralone。Somethingorsomebodyhadimpingeduponhisintelligence。Hebegantolookabouthim,thoughalwaysinthewrongdirection。Then,convincedthathewasthevictimoffancy,hespokealoudashehadabadhabitofdoingwhenbyhimself。
“It’sverycurious,“hesaid,“butIcouldhaveswornthatIsobelwashere,asnearmeaswhenweparted。Isupposethatiswhatcomesofthinkingsomuchabouther。Ordopeopleleavesomethingofthemselvesbehindinplaceswheretheyhaveexperiencedemotion?Ifso,churchesoughttobeveryfullofghosts。Idaresaythattheyare,onlythennoonecouldknowitexceptthosewhohadsharedtheemotion,andthereforetheyremainintangible。Still,IcouldhaveswornthatIsobelwashere。Indeed,Iseemtofeelhernow,andIhopethatthedreamwillgoon。“
Listeningthereintheshadow,sheheard,andflushedinherfleshandrejoicedinherinnermostbeing。Sohehad/not/forgottenher,whichisthetrueandrealinfidelitythatnevercanbeforgiven,atanyrate,byawoman。Soshewasstillsomethinginhislife,althoughhehadnotansweredherletteryearsago。
Thenshegrewangrywithherself。Whatdiditmattertoherwhathewas,orthought,ordid?Itwasabsurdthatshecouldbedependentmorallyuponanyone,whomustrelyinlifeordeathuponherselfaloneandonthestrongsoulwithinher。ShewaswrothwithGodfreyforexcitingsuchdisturbancein——whatwasit——herspiritorherbody?
Nonsense,shehadnospirit。Thatwasaphantasy。Thereforeitmustbeinherbodywhichwasherownparticularpropertythatshouldremainuninfluencedbyanyotherbody。
Soitcameaboutthatthefirstwordsshespoketohimweresomewhatroughintheirtexture。ShesteppedforwardoutoftheshadowoftheGeorgiantombandconfrontedhimwithadefiantair,herheadthrownback,looking,totellthetruth,ratherstately。
“Ihopedthatbythistimeyouhadgivenuptalkingtoyourself,Godfrey,which,asIalwaystoldyou,isabadhabit。Ididnothearmuchofwhatyouweremumbling,butIunderstoodyoutosaythatyouthoughtIwashere。Well,whyshouldn’tIbehere?“
Hestaredatherblanklyandanswered:
“Godknows,Idon’t!Butsinceyouaskthequestion,/why/areyouhere,Isobel?ItisIsobel,isn’tit,oramIstilldreaming?LetmetouchyouandIshallknow。“
Shedrewbackalittleway,quitethreeinches。
“OfcourseitisIsobel,don’tyoursensestellyouthatwithoutwantingtotouchme?Why,Iknewitwasyoufromtheendofthechurch。ButyouaskmewhyIamhere。Iwishyouwouldtellme。Iwaspassing,andsomethingdrewmeintothisplace。Isupposeitwasyou,andifso,IsayatoncethatIresentit;youhavenoright——“
“No,no,certainlynot,butdoletmetouchyoutomakesurethatyouareIsobel。“
“Verywell,“shesaid,andstretchedoutahandtowardshim。
Hecaughtitwithhisleftwhichwasnearest,andthenwithhisrighthandreachedforwardandseizedherotherhand。Withamasterfulmovementhedrawhertowardshim,andthoughshewasastrongwomansheseemedtohavenopowertoresist。Shethoughtthathewasgoingtokissheranddidnotcaregreatlyifhedid。
Buthecheckedhimselfintime,andinsteadofpressinghislipsuponhers,onlykissedherhands,firstoneandthentheother,forquitealongwhile:nordidsheattempttodenyhim,perhapsbecauseawildimpulsetookpossessionofhertokisshisinanswer。Yes,hishands,orhislips,orevenhiscoatoranythingabouthim。Oh!itmadeherveryangry,butthereitwas,forsomethingrushedupinherwhichshehadneverfeltbefore,somethingmadandwildandsweet。
Shewrenchedherselfawayatlastandbegantoscoldhimagain。
“Whathaveyoubeendoingalltheseyears?Whydidyouneverwritetome?“
“BecauseIwastooproud,asyouneverwrotetome。“
“Tooproud!Pridewillbeyourruin;itgoesbeforeeverysortoffall。Besides,Ididwritetoyou。Icanshowyouacopyoftheletter,ifIhaven’ttornitup。“
“Inevergotit;didyoupostityourself?“
“Yes,thatisItookittotheAbbeyHouseandleftittobeaddressedthere。“
“Oh!thenperhapsitistherestill,“andhelookedather。
“Nonsense,noonecouldhavebeensomean,noteven——“
Heshruggedhisshoulders,atrickhehadlearnedabroad,thensaid:
“Well,itdoesn’tmatternow,doesit,Isobel?“
“Yes,itmattersalot。Yearsofmisunderstandinganddoubtandloss,whenlifeissoshort。Imighthavemarriedorallsortsofthings。“
“Whathasmynotreceivingyourlettergottodowiththat?“heasked,astonished。
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