首页 >出版文学> Love Eternal>第36章

第36章

  ReturningtoEngland/via/theWestIndiesinthecompanyofherunclewhowascominghomeonleavebeforetakingupanappointmentasMinistertooneoftheSouthAmericanrepublics,shewasgreetedontheplatformatWaterloobyherfather。SirJohnBlakehadbythistimeforgottentheirpreviousdisagreements,or,atanyrate,determinedtoignorethem,andIsobel,whowasnowinherwayafinishedwomanoftheworld,thoughshedidnotforget,hadcometoalikeconclusion。Sotheirmeetingwascordialenough,andforawhile,notaverylongwhile,theycontinuedtolivetogetherinoutwardamity,withatacitunderstandingthattheyshouldfollowtheirrespectivepaths,unmolestedbyeachother。
  OntheafternoonofthefirstdayafterhisarrivalattheAbbey,somespiritinhisfeetmovedGodfreytogointothechurch。Asthoughbyinstinct,hewenttothechancel,andstoodtherecontemplatingthebrassofthenamelessPlantagenetlady。Howlongitwassincehehadlookeduponhergravenfaceandformdrapedinthestatelyhabilimentsofabygoneage!Then,herememberedwithapang,Isobelwaswithhim,andtheyhadseemedtobeveryneartogether。NowtherewasnoIsobel,andtheywereveryfarapart,bothinthespiritandintheflesh。ForhehadnotheardofherreturntoEnglandandimaginedthatshewasstillinMexico,whencenotidingsofhercametohim。
  Therehestoodamongthedead,reflectingthatwedonotneedtopassoutofthebodytoknowthemeaningofdeath,since,asonceIsobelhadsaidherself,someseparationsareasbad,orworse。Thestoryofthedeadis,atanyrate,completed;thereisnothingmoretobelearnedaboutthem,andofthemweimagine,perhapsquiteerroneously,thatwehavenoneedtobejealous,sincewecannotconceivethattheymayformnewinterestsinanothersphere。Butwiththelivingitisotherwise。Somewheretheirlifeiscontinued;somewheretheyaregettingthemselvesfriendsorloversandcarryingonthedailyroundofbeing,andwehavenoshareinthemorinaughtthattheymaydo。
  Andprobablytheyhaveforgottenus。And,ifwestillhappentobeattachedtothem,oh!ithurts。
  ThusmusedGodfrey,tryingtopicturetohimselfwhatIsobellookedlikewhenshehadstoodbyhissideonthatlong-pastautumneve,andonlysucceededinrememberingexactlywhatshelookedlikewhenshewaskissingarosewithacertainknightinarmourinasquaregarden,sinceforsomeperversereasonitwasthispicturethatremainedsopainfullycleartohismind。Thenhedriftedoffintospeculationsuponthegeneralmysteryofthingsofasortthatwerecommonwithhim,andinthesebecameobliviousofallelse。
  Hedidnotevenhearorseeatallyoungwomanenterthechurch,cladinsummerwhite,no,notwhenshewaswithinfivepaceand,becomingsuddenlyawareofhispresence,hadstoppedtostudyhimwiththeacutestinterest。InaflashIsobelknewwhohewas。Ofcoursehewasmuchchanged,forGodfrey,whohadmaturedearly,asthoseofhisgenerationwereapttodo,especiallyiftheyhadledavariedlife,wasnowahandsomeandwell-builtyoungmanwithafine,thoughtfulfaceandaquiterespectablemoustache。
  “Howhehaschanged,oh!howhehaschanged,“shethoughttoherself。
  Therawboyhadbecomeaman,andassheknewatoncebyherwoman’sinstinct,amanwithagreatdealinhim。Isobelwasasensiblememberofhersex;one,too,whohadseensomethingoftheworldbynow,andshedidnotexpectorwishforaheroorasaintbuiltuponthemid-
  Victorianpattern,asportrayedinthebooksoftheladynovelistsofthatperiod。Shewantedamantobeaman,bypreferencewiththefaultspertainingtothemalenature,sinceshehadobservedthatthosewholackedthese,possessedothers,whichtoherrobustwomanhoodseemedfarworse,suchasmeannessandavariceandbackbiting,andalltheotherqualitiesofthePharisee。
  Well,inGodfrey,whethershewererightorwrong,withthatswiftglanceofhers,sheseemedtorecogniseamanasshewishedamantobe。Ifthatstandardofhersmeantthatverypossiblyhehadadmiredotherwomen,theladywhomhehadpulledupaprecipice,forinstance,shedidnotmindparticularly,solongasheadmiredher,Isobel,mostofall。Thatwasherone/sinequanon/,thatheshouldadmirehermostofall,orratherbefondestofherinhisinnermostself。
  Whatwasshethinkingabout?Whatwastheretoshowthathecaredonebrassfarthingabouther?Nothingatall。Andyet,whywasheherewhereshehadpartedfromhimsolongago?Surelynottostareatthegraveofadeadwomanwithwhomhecouldhavehadnothingtodo,sinceshelefttheworldsomefivecenturiesbefore。Andanotherquestion。
  Whathadbroughtherhere,shewhohatedchurchesandallthemummerythattheysignified?
  Wouldheneverwakeup?Wouldheneverrealiseherpresence?Oh!thenhecouldcarenothingabouther。ProbablyhewasthinkingofthegirlhehadpulledupacliffintheAlps。Butwhydidhecometothisplacetothinkof/her/?
  IsobelstoodquitestillthereandwaitedintheshadowofaGeorgiantomb,tillpresentlyGodfreydidseemtogrowawarethathewasnolongeralone。Somethingorsomebodyhadimpingeduponhisintelligence。Hebegantolookabouthim,thoughalwaysinthewrongdirection。Then,convincedthathewasthevictimoffancy,hespokealoudashehadabadhabitofdoingwhenbyhimself。
  “It’sverycurious,“hesaid,“butIcouldhaveswornthatIsobelwashere,asnearmeaswhenweparted。Isupposethatiswhatcomesofthinkingsomuchabouther。Ordopeopleleavesomethingofthemselvesbehindinplaceswheretheyhaveexperiencedemotion?Ifso,churchesoughttobeveryfullofghosts。Idaresaythattheyare,onlythennoonecouldknowitexceptthosewhohadsharedtheemotion,andthereforetheyremainintangible。Still,IcouldhaveswornthatIsobelwashere。Indeed,Iseemtofeelhernow,andIhopethatthedreamwillgoon。“
  Listeningthereintheshadow,sheheard,andflushedinherfleshandrejoicedinherinnermostbeing。Sohehad/not/forgottenher,whichisthetrueandrealinfidelitythatnevercanbeforgiven,atanyrate,byawoman。Soshewasstillsomethinginhislife,althoughhehadnotansweredherletteryearsago。
  Thenshegrewangrywithherself。Whatdiditmattertoherwhathewas,orthought,ordid?Itwasabsurdthatshecouldbedependentmorallyuponanyone,whomustrelyinlifeordeathuponherselfaloneandonthestrongsoulwithinher。ShewaswrothwithGodfreyforexcitingsuchdisturbancein——whatwasit——herspiritorherbody?
  Nonsense,shehadnospirit。Thatwasaphantasy。Thereforeitmustbeinherbodywhichwasherownparticularpropertythatshouldremainuninfluencedbyanyotherbody。
  Soitcameaboutthatthefirstwordsshespoketohimweresomewhatroughintheirtexture。ShesteppedforwardoutoftheshadowoftheGeorgiantombandconfrontedhimwithadefiantair,herheadthrownback,looking,totellthetruth,ratherstately。
  “Ihopedthatbythistimeyouhadgivenuptalkingtoyourself,Godfrey,which,asIalwaystoldyou,isabadhabit。Ididnothearmuchofwhatyouweremumbling,butIunderstoodyoutosaythatyouthoughtIwashere。Well,whyshouldn’tIbehere?“
  Hestaredatherblanklyandanswered:
  “Godknows,Idon’t!Butsinceyouaskthequestion,/why/areyouhere,Isobel?ItisIsobel,isn’tit,oramIstilldreaming?LetmetouchyouandIshallknow。“
  Shedrewbackalittleway,quitethreeinches。
  “OfcourseitisIsobel,don’tyoursensestellyouthatwithoutwantingtotouchme?Why,Iknewitwasyoufromtheendofthechurch。ButyouaskmewhyIamhere。Iwishyouwouldtellme。Iwaspassing,andsomethingdrewmeintothisplace。Isupposeitwasyou,andifso,IsayatoncethatIresentit;youhavenoright——“
  “No,no,certainlynot,butdoletmetouchyoutomakesurethatyouareIsobel。“
  “Verywell,“shesaid,andstretchedoutahandtowardshim。
  Hecaughtitwithhisleftwhichwasnearest,andthenwithhisrighthandreachedforwardandseizedherotherhand。Withamasterfulmovementhedrawhertowardshim,andthoughshewasastrongwomansheseemedtohavenopowertoresist。Shethoughtthathewasgoingtokissheranddidnotcaregreatlyifhedid。
  Buthecheckedhimselfintime,andinsteadofpressinghislipsuponhers,onlykissedherhands,firstoneandthentheother,forquitealongwhile:nordidsheattempttodenyhim,perhapsbecauseawildimpulsetookpossessionofhertokisshisinanswer。Yes,hishands,orhislips,orevenhiscoatoranythingabouthim。Oh!itmadeherveryangry,butthereitwas,forsomethingrushedupinherwhichshehadneverfeltbefore,somethingmadandwildandsweet。
  Shewrenchedherselfawayatlastandbegantoscoldhimagain。
  “Whathaveyoubeendoingalltheseyears?Whydidyouneverwritetome?“
  “BecauseIwastooproud,asyouneverwrotetome。“
  “Tooproud!Pridewillbeyourruin;itgoesbeforeeverysortoffall。Besides,Ididwritetoyou。Icanshowyouacopyoftheletter,ifIhaven’ttornitup。“
  “Inevergotit;didyoupostityourself?“
  “Yes,thatisItookittotheAbbeyHouseandleftittobeaddressedthere。“
  “Oh!thenperhapsitistherestill,“andhelookedather。
  “Nonsense,noonecouldhavebeensomean,noteven——“
  Heshruggedhisshoulders,atrickhehadlearnedabroad,thensaid:
  “Well,itdoesn’tmatternow,doesit,Isobel?“
  “Yes,itmattersalot。Yearsofmisunderstandinganddoubtandloss,whenlifeissoshort。Imighthavemarriedorallsortsofthings。“
  “Whathasmynotreceivingyourlettergottodowiththat?“heasked,astonished。