“`AsfarasIknow,Ihaven’topenedmylipsinyourhearing,“Iaffirmedwithperfecttruth。Iwasgettingalittleangry,too,attheabsurdityofthisencounter。ItstrikesmenowIhaveneverinmylifebeensonearabeating——Imeanitliterally;abeatingwithfists。IsupposeIhadsomehazyprescienceofthateventualitybeingintheair。Notthathewasactivelythreateningme。Onthecontrary,hewasstrangelypassive——don’tyouknow?
buthewaslowering,and,thoughnotexceptionallybig,helookedgenerallyfittodemolishawall。ThemostreassuringsymptomInoticedwasakindofslowandponderoushesitation,whichItookasatributetotheevidentsincerityofmymannerandofmytone。Wefacedeachother。Inthecourttheassaultcasewasproceeding。Icaughtthewords:“Well——buffalo——stick——inthegreatnessofmyfear……’
“`Whatdidyoumeanbystaringatmeallthemorning?“saidJimatlast。
Helookedupandlookeddownagain。“Didyouexpectusalltositwithdowncasteyesoutofregardforyoursusceptibilities?“Iretortedsharply。
Iwasnotgoingtosubmitmeeklytoanyofhisnonsense。Heraisedhiseyesagain,andthistimecontinuedtolookmestraightintheface。“No。
That’sallright,“hepronouncedwithanairofdeliberatingwithhimselfuponthetruthofthisstatement——“that’sallright。Iamgoingthroughwiththat。Only“——andtherehespokealittlefaster——“Iwon’tletanymancallmenamesoutsidethiscourt。Therewasafellowwithyou。Youspoketohim——oh,yes——Iknow;’tisallveryfine。Youspoketohim,butyoumeantmetohear……’
`Iassuredhimhewasundersomeextraordinarydelusion。Ihadnoconceptionhowitcameabout。“YouthoughtIwouldbeafraidtoresentthis,“hesaid,withjustafainttingeofbitterness。Iwasinterestedenoughtodiscerntheslightestshadesofexpression,butIwasnotintheleastenlightened;
yetIdon’tknowwhatinthesewords,orperhapsjusttheintonationofthatphrase,inducedmesuddenlytomakeallpossibleallowancesforhim。
Iceasedtobeannoyedatmyunexpectedpredicament。Itwassomemistakeonhispart;hewasblunderingandIhadanintuitionthattheblunderwasofanodious,ofanunfortunatenature。Iwasanxioustoendthissceneongroundsofdecency,justasoneisanxioustocutshortsomeunprovokedandabominableconfidence。Thefunniestpartwas,thatinthemidstofalltheseconsiderationsofthehigherorderIwasconsciousofacertaintrepidationastothepossibility——nay,likelihood——ofthisencounterendinginsomedisreputablebrawlwhichcouldnotpossiblybeexplained,andwouldmakemeridiculous。Ididnothankerafterathreedays’celebrityasthemanwhogotablackeyeorsomethingofthesortfromthemateofthePatna。
He,inallprobability,didnotcarewhathedid,oratanyratewouldbefullyjustifiedinhisowneyes。Ittooknomagiciantoseehewasamazinglyangryaboutsomething,forallhisquietandeventorpiddemeanour。Idon’tdenyIwasextremelydesiroustopacifyhimatallcosts,hadIonlyknownwhattodo。ButIdidn’tknow,asyoumaywellimagine。Itwasblacknesswithoutasinglegleam。Weconfrontedeachotherinsilence。Hehungfireforaboutfifteenseconds,thenmadeastepnearer,andImadereadytowardoffablow,thoughIdon’tthinkImovedamuscle。“Ifyouwereasbigastwomenandasstrongassix,“hesaidverysoftly,“IwouldtellyouwhatIthinkofyou。You……““Stop!“Iexclaimed。Thischeckedhimforasecond。“Beforeyoutellmewhatyouthinkofme,“Iwenton,quickly,“willyoukindlytellmewhatitisI’vesaidordone?“Duringthepausethatensuedhesurveyedmewithindignation,whileImadesupernaturaleffortsofmemory,inwhichIwashinderedbytheorientalvoicewithinthecourt-roomexpostulatingwithimpassionedvolubilityagainstthechargeoffalsehood。Thenwespokealmosttogether。“IwillsoonshowyouIamnot,“hesaid,inatonesuggestiveofacrisis。“IdeclareIdon’tknow,’
Iprotestedearnestlyatthesametime。Hetriedtocrushmebythescornofhisglance。“NowthatyouseeIamnotafraidyoutrytocrawloutofit,“hesaid。“Who’sacurnow——hey?“Then,atlast,Iunderstood。
`Hehadbeenscanningmyfeaturesasthoughlookingforaplacewherehewouldplanthisfist。“Iwillallownoman……“hemumbled,threateningly。
Itwas,indeed,ahideousmistake;hehadgivenhimselfawayutterly。I
can’tgiveyouanideahowshockedIwas。Isupposehesawsomereflectionofmyfeelingsinmyface,becausehisexpressionchangedjustalittle。
“GoodGod!“Istammered,“youdon’tthinkI……““ButIamsureI’veheard,“hepersisted,raisinghisvoiceforthefirsttimesincethebeginningofthisdeplorablescene。Thenwithashadeofdisdainheadded,“Itwasn’tyou,then?Verywell;I’llfindtheother。““Don’tbeafool,“Icriedinexasperation;“itwasn’tthatatall。““I’veheard,“hesaidagainwithanunshakenandsombreperseverance。
`Theremaybethosewhocouldhavelaughedathispertinacity。Ididn’t。
Oh,Ididn’t!Therehadneverbeenamansomercilesslyshownupbyhisownnaturalimpulse。Asinglewordhadstrippedhimofhisdiscretion——ofthatdiscretionwhichismorenecessarytothedecenciesofourinnerbeingthanclothingistothedecorumofourbody。“Don’tbeafool,“Irepeated。
“Buttheothermansaidit,youdon’tdenythat?“hepronounceddistinctly,andlookinginmyfacewithoutflinching。“No,Idon’tdeny,“saidI,returninghisgaze。Atlasthiseyesfolloweddownwardsthedirectionofmypointingfinger。Heappearedatfirstuncomprehending,thenconfounded,andatlastamazedandscaredasthoughadoghadbeenamonsterandhehadneverseenadogbefore。“Nobodydreamtofinsultingyou,“Isaid。
`Hecontemplatedthewretchedanimal,thatmovednomorethananeffigy:
itsatwithearsprickedanditssharpmuzzlepointedintothedoorway,andsuddenlysnappedataflylikeapieceofmechanism。
`Ilookedathim。Theredofhisfair,sunburntcomplexiondeepenedsuddenlyunderthedownofhischeeks,invadedhisforehead,spreadtotherootsofhiscurlyhair。Hisearsbecameintenselycrimson,andeventheclearblueofhiseyeswasdarkenedmanyshadesbytherushofbloodtohishead。Hislipspoutedalittle,tremblingasthoughhehadbeenonthepointofburstingintotears。Iperceivedhewasincapableofpronouncingawordfromtheexcessofhishumiliation。Fromdisappointmenttoo——whoknows?Perhapshelookedforwardtothathammeringhewasgoingtogivemeforrehabilitation,forappeasement?Whocantellwhatreliefheexpectfromthischanceofarow?Hewasnaiveenoughtoexpectanything;buthehadgivenhimselfawayfornothinginthiscase。Hehadbeenfrankwithhimself——letalonewithme——inthewildhopeofarrivinginthatwayatsomeeffectiverefutation,andthestarshadbeenironicallyunpropitious。
Hemadeaninarticulatenoiseinhisthroatlikeamanimperfectlystunnedbyablowonthehead。Itwaspitiful。
`Ididn’tcatchupagainwithhimtillwelloutsidethegate。Ihadeventotrotabitatthelast,butwhen,outofbreathathiselbow,I
taxedhimwithrunningaway,hesaid,“Never!“andatonceturnedatbay。
IexplainedInevermeanttosayhewasrunningawayfromme。“Fromnoman——fromnotasinglemanonearth,“heaffirmedwithastubbornmien。
Iforboretopointouttheoneobviousexceptionwhichwouldholdgoodforthebravestofus;Ithoughthewouldfindoutbyhimselfverysoon。
HelookedatmepatientlywhileIwasthinkingofsomethingtosay,butIcouldfindnothingonthespurofthemoment,andhebegantowalkon。
Ikeptup,andanxiousnottolosehim,IsaidhurriedlythatIcouldn’tthinkofleavinghimunderafalseimpressionofmy——ofmy——Istammered。
ThestupidityofthephraseappalledmewhileIwastryingtofinishit,butthepowerofsentenceshasnothingtodowiththeirsenseorthelogicoftheirconstruction。Myidioticmumbleseemedtopleasehim。Hecutitshortbysaying,withcourteousplaciditythatarguedanimmensepowerofself-controlorelseawonderfulelasticityofspirits——“Altogethermymistake。“Imarvelledgreatlyatthisexpression:hemighthavebeenalludingtosometriflingoccurrence。Hadn’theunderstooditsdeplorablemeaning?“Youmaywellforgiveme,“hecontinued,andwentonalittlemoodily,“Allthesestaringpeopleincourtseemedsuchfoolsthat——thatitmighthavebeenasIsupposed。“
`Thisopenedsuddenlyanewviewofhimtomywonder。Ilookedathimcuriouslyandmethisunabashedandimpenetrableeyes。“Ican’tputupwiththiskindofthing,“hesaid,verysimply,“andIdon’tmeanto。Incourtit’sdifferent;I’vegottostandthat——andIcandoittoo。“
`Idon’tpretendIunderstoodhim。Theviewsheletmehaveofhimselfwerelikethoseglimpsesthroughtheshiftingrentsinathickfog——bitsofvividandvanishingdetail,givingnoconnectedideaofthegeneralaspectofacountry。Theyfedone’scuriositywithoutsatisfyingit;theywerenogoodforpurposesoforientation。Uponthewholehewasmisleading。
That’showIsummedhimuptomyselfafterheleftintheevening。IhadbeenstayingattheMalabarHouseforafewdays,andonmypressinginvitationhedinedwithmethere。’
LordJim:Chapter7CHAPTERVII`Anoutward-boundmail-boathadcomeinthatafternoon,andthebigdining-roomofthehotelwasmorethanhalffullofpeoplewithahundredpoundsround-the-worldticketsintheirpockets。Thereweremarriedcoupleslookingdomesticatedandboredwitheachotherinthemidstoftheirtravels;thereweresmallpartiesandlargeparties,andloneindividualsdiningsolemnlyorfeastingboisterously,butallthinking,conversing,joking,orscowlingawastheirwontathome;andjustasintelligentlyreceptiveofnewimpressionsastheirtrunksupstairs。Henceforththeywouldbelabelledashavingpassedthisandthatplaceandsowouldbetheirluggage。Theywouldcherishthisdistinctionoftheirpersons,andpreservethegummedticketsontheirportmanteauxasdocumentaryevidence,astheonlypermanenttraceoftheirimprovingenterprise。Thedark-facedservantstrippedwithoutnoiseoverthevastandpolishedfloor;nowandthenagirl’slaughwouldbeheard,asinnocentandemptyashermind,or,inasuddenhushofcrockery,afewwordsinanaffecteddrawlfromsomewitembroideringforthebenefitofagrinningtablefulthelastfunnystoryofshipboardscandal。Twonomadicoldmaids,dresseduptokill,workedacrimoniouslythroughthebilloffare,whisperingtoeachotherwithfadedlips,wooden-facedandbizarre,liketwosumptuousscarecrows。AlittlewineopenedJim’sheartandloosenedhistongue。Hisappetitewasgood,too,Inoticed。Heseemedtohaveburiedsomewheretheopeningepisodeofouracquaintance。Itwaslikeathingofwhichtherewouldbenomorequestioninthisworld。AndallthetimeIhadbeforemetheseblue,boyisheyeslookingstraightintomine,thisyoungface,thesecapableshoulders,theopenbronzedforeheadwithawhitelineundertherootsofclusteringfairhair,thisappearanceappealingatsighttoallmysympathies:thisfrankaspect,theartlesssmile,theyouthfulseriousness。Hewasoftherightsort;hewasoneofus。Hetalkedsoberly,withasortofcomposedunreserve,andwithaquietbearingthatmighthavebeentheoutcomeofmanlyself-control,ofimpudence,ofcallousness,ofacolossalunconsciousness,ofagiganticdeception。Whocantell!Fromourtonewemighthavebeendiscussingathirdperson,afootballmatch,lastyear’sweather。Mymindfloatedinaseaofconjecturestilltheturnoftheconversationenabledme,withoutbeingoffensive,toremarkthat,uponthewhole,thisinquirymusthavebeenprettytryingtohim。Hedartedhisarmacrossthetablecloth,andclutchingmyhandbythesideofmyplate,glaredfixedly。Iwasstarted。“Itmustbeawfullyhard,“
Istammered,confusedbythedisplayofspeechlessfeeling。“Itis——hell,“
heburstoutinamuffledvoice。
`Thismovementandthesewordscausedtwowell-groomedmaleglobe-trottersataneighbouringtabletolookupinalarmfromtheirice-pudding。Irose,andwepassedintothefrontgalleryforcoffeeandcigars。
`Onlittleoctagontablescandlesburnedinglassglobes;clumpsofstiff-leavedplantsseperatedsetsofcosywickerchairs;andbetweenthepairsofcolumns,whosereddishshaftscaughtinalongrowthesheenfromthetallwindows,thenight,glitteringandsombre,seemedtohanglikeasplendiddrapery。Theridinglightsofshipswinkedafterlikesettingstars,andthehillsacrosstheroadsteadresembledroundedblackmassesofarrestedthunder-clouds。
第9章