accursedlife;andTHERE——somewherelosttome——thingswerehappening——momentous,terriblethings……Ilivedatnights——mydays,mywakingdays,thislifeIamlivingnow,becameafaded,far-awaydream,adrabsetting,thecoverofthebook。“
Hethought。
“Icouldtellyouall,tellyoueverylittlethinginthedream,butastowhatIdidinthedaytime——no。Icouldnottell——Idonotremember。Mymemory——mymemoryhasgone。Thebusinessoflifeslipsfromme——“
Heleantforward,andpressedhishandsuponhiseyes。Foralongtimehesaidnothing。
“Andthen?“saidI。
“Thewarburstlikeahurricane。“
Hestaredbeforehimatunspeakablethings。
“Andthen?“Iurgedagain。
“Onetouchofunreality,“hesaid,inthelowtoneofamanwhospeakstohimself,“andtheywouldhavebeennightmares。Buttheywerenotnightmares——theywerenotnightmares。NO!“
Hewassilentforsolongthatitdawneduponmethattherewasadangeroflosingtherestofthestory。Buthewentontalkingagaininthesametoneofquestioningself-communion。
“Whatwastheretodobutflight?IhadnotthoughtthewarwouldtouchCapri——IhadseemedtoseeCapriasbeingoutofitall,asthecontrasttoitall;buttwonightsafterthewholeplacewasshoutingandbawling,everywomanalmostandeveryothermanworeabadge——Evesham’sbadge——andtherewasnomusicbutajanglingwar-songoverandoveragain,andeverywheremenenlisting,andinthedancinghallstheyweredrilling。Thewholeislandwasawhirlwithrumours;itwassaid,againandagain,thatfightinghadbegun。
Ihadnotexpectedthis。IhadseensolittleofthelifeofpleasurethatIhadfailedtoreckonwiththisviolenceoftheamateurs。
Andasforme,Iwasoutofit。Iwaslikeamanwhomighthavepreventedthefiringofamagazine。Thetimehadgone。Iwasnoone;
thevaineststriplingwithabadgecountedformorethanI。Thecrowdjostledusandbawledinourears;thataccursedsongdeafenedus;
awomanshriekedatmyladybecausenobadgewasonher,andwetwowentbacktoourownplaceagain,ruffledandinsulted——
myladywhiteandsilent,andIaquiverwithrage。SofuriouswasI,IcouldhavequarrelledwithherifIcouldhavefoundoneshadeofaccusationinhereyes。
“Allmymagnificencehadgonefromme。Iwalkedupanddownourrockcell,andoutsidewasthedarklingseaandalighttothesouthwardthatflaredandpassedandcameagain。
“’Wemustgetoutofthisplace,’Isaidoverandover。’Ihavemademychoice,andIwillhavenohandinthesetroubles。Iwillhavenothingofthiswar。Wehavetakenourlivesoutofallthesethings。Thisisnorefugeforus。Letusgo。’
“Andthenextdaywewerealreadyinflightfromthewarthatcoveredtheworld。
“AndalltherestwasFlight——alltherestwasFlight。“
Hemuseddarkly。
“Howmuchwasthereofit?“
Hemadenoanswer。
“Howmanydays?“
Hisfacewaswhiteanddrawnandhishandswereclenched。Hetooknoheedofmycuriosity。
Itriedtodrawhimbacktohisstorywithquestions。
“Wheredidyougo?“Isaid。
“When?“
“WhenyouleftCapri。“
“Southwest,“hesaid,andglancedatmeforasecond。“Wewentinaboat。“
“ButIshouldhavethoughtanaeroplane?“
“Theyhadbeenseized。“
Iquestionedhimnomore。PresentlyIthoughthewasbeginningagain。Hebrokeoutinanargumentativemonotone:
“Butwhyshoulditbe?If,indeed,thisbattle,thisslaughterandstressISlife,whyhavewethiscravingforpleasureandbeauty?
IfthereISnorefuge,ifthereisnoplaceofpeace,andifallourdreamsofquietplacesareafollyandasnare,whyhavewesuchdreams?Surelyitwasnoignoblecravings,nobaseintentions,hadbroughtustothis;itwasLovehadisolatedus。Lovehadcometomewithhereyesandrobedinherbeauty,moregloriousthanallelseinlife,intheveryshapeandcolouroflife,andsummonedmeaway。Ihadsilencedallthevoices,Ihadansweredallthequestions——
Ihadcometoher。AndsuddenlytherewasnothingbutWarandDeath!“
Ihadaninspiration。“Afterall,“Isaid,“itcouldhavebeenonlyadream。“
“Adream!“hecried,flaminguponme,“adream——whenevennow——“
Forthefirsttimehebecameanimated。Afaintflushcreptintohischeek。Heraisedhisopenhandandclenchedit,anddroppedittohisknee。Hespoke,lookingawayfromme,andforalltherestofthetimehelookedaway。“Wearebutphantoms,“hesaid,“andthephantomsofphantoms,desireslikecloudshadowsandwillsofstrawthateddyinthewind;thedayspass,useandwontcarryusthroughasatraincarriestheshadowofitslights,sobeit!
Butonethingisrealandcertain,onethingisnodreamstuff,buteternalandenduring。Itisthecentreofmylife,andallotherthingsaboutitaresubordinateoraltogethervain。Ilovedher,thatwomanofadream。AndsheandIaredeadtogether!
“Adream!Howcanitbeadream,whenitdrenchedalivinglifewithunappeasablesorrow,whenitmakesallthatIhavelivedforandcaredfor,worthlessandunmeaning?
“UntilthatverymomentwhenshewaskilledIbelievedwehadstillachanceofgettingaway,“hesaid。“AllthroughthenightandmorningthatwesailedacrosstheseafromCapritoSalerno,wetalkedofescape。Wewerefullofhope,anditclungaboutustotheend,hopeforthelifetogetherweshouldlead,outofitall,outofthebattleandstruggle,thewildandemptypassions,theemptyarbitrary’thoushalt’and’thoushaltnot’oftheworld。
Wewereuplifted,asthoughourquestwasaholything,asthoughloveforoneanotherwasamission……
“EvenwhenfromourboatwesawthefairfaceofthatgreatrockCapri——alreadyscarredandgashedbythegunemplacementsandhiding-placesthatweretomakeitafastness——wereckonednothingoftheimminentslaughter,thoughthefuryofpreparationhungaboutinpuffsandcloudsofdustatahundredpointsamidstthegrey;
but,indeed,Imadeatextofthatandtalked。There,youknow,wastherock,stillbeautiful,forallitsscars,withitscountlesswindowsandarchesandways,tierupontier,forathousandfeet,avastcarvingofgrey,brokenbyvine-cladterraces,andlemonandorangegroves,andmassesofagaveandpricklypear,andpuffsofalmondblossom。AndoutunderthearchwaythatisbuiltoverthePiccolaMarinaotherboatswerecoming;andaswecameroundthecapeandwithinsightofthemainland,anotherlittlestringofboatscameintoview,drivingbeforethewindtowardsthesouthwest。
Inalittlewhileamultitudehadcomeout,theremoterjustlittlespecksofultramarineintheshadowoftheeastwardcliff。
“’Itisloveandreason,’Isaid,’fleeingfromallthismadness,ofwar。’
“Andthoughwepresentlysawasquadronofaeroplanesflyingacrossthesouthernskywedidnotheedit。Thereitwas——alineoflittledotsinthesky——andthenmore,dottingthesoutheasternhorizon,andthenstillmore,untilallthatquarteroftheskywasstippledwithbluespecks。Nowtheywereallthinlittlestrokesofblue,andnowoneandnowamultitudewouldheelandcatchthesunandbecomeshortflashesoflight。Theycamerisingandfallingandgrowinglarger,likesomehugeflightofgullsorrooks,orsuch-likebirdsmovingwithamarvellousuniformity,andeverastheydrewnearertheyspreadoveragreaterwidthofsky。
Thesouthwardwingflungitselfinanarrow-headedcloudathwartthesun。Andthensuddenlytheysweptroundtotheeastwardandstreamedeastward,growingsmallerandsmallerandclearerandcleareragainuntiltheyvanishedfromthesky。AndafterthatwenotedtothenorthwardandveryhighEvesham’sfightingmachineshanginghighoverNapleslikeaneveningswarmofgnats。
“Itseemedtohavenomoretodowithusthanaflightofbirds。
“Eventhemutterofgunsfarawayinthesoutheastseemedtoustosignifynothing……
“Eachday,eachdreamafterthat,wewerestillexalted,stillseekingthatrefugewherewemightliveandlove。Fatiguehadcomeuponus,painandmanydistresses。Forthoughweweredustyandstainedbyourtoilsometramping,andhalfstarvedandwiththehorrorofthedeadmenwehadseenandtheflightofthepeasants——
forverysoonagustoffightingsweptupthepeninsula——withthesethingshauntingourmindsitstillresultedonlyinadeepeningresolutiontoescape。O,butshewasbraveandpatient!Shewhohadneverfacedhardshipandexposurehadcourageforherself——andme。
Wewenttoandfroseekinganoutlet,overacountryallcommandeeredandransackedbythegatheringhostsofwar。Alwayswewentonfoot。