`What,goingalready,Lowborough?’saidhe。`Well,goodmorning。’
Hesmilinglyofferedhishand。
Ithinktheotherwouldhaveknockedhimdown,hadhenotinstinctivelystartedbackbeforethatbonyfistquiveringwithrageandclenchedtilltheknucklesgleamedwhiteandglisteningthroughtheskin。Lookinguponhimwithacountenancelividwithfurioushate,LordLowboroughmutteredbetweenhisclosedteeth,adeadlyexecrationhewouldnothaveutteredhadhebeencalmenoughtochoosehiswords,anddeparted。
`Icallthatanunchristianspiritnow,’saidthevillain。`ButI’dnevergiveupanoldfriendforthesakeofawife。Youmayhavemineifyoulike,andIcallthathandsome——Icandonomorethanofferrestitution,canI?’
ButLowboroughhadgainedthebottomofthestairs,andwasnowcrossingthehall;andMr。Huntingdon,leaningoverthebanisters,calledout,——`GivemylovetoAnnabella!——andIwishyoubothahappyjourney,’
andwithdrewlaughingtohischamber。
Hesubsequentlyexpressedhimselfrathergladshewasgone:`Shewassodeucedimperiousandexacting,’saidhe:`nowIshallbemyownmanagain,andfeelrathermoreatmyease。’
IknownothingmoreofLordLowborough’ssubsequentproceedingsbutwhatIhaveheardfromMilicent,who,thoughsheisignorantofthecauseofhisseparationfromhercousin,hasinformedmethatsuchisthecase;thattheykeepentirelyseparateestablishments;thatsheleadsagay,dashinglifeintownandcountry,whilehelivesinstrictseclusionathisoldcastleinthenorth。Therearetwochildren,bothofwhomhekeepsunderhisownprotection。ThesonandheirisapromisingchildnearlytheageofmyArthur,andnodoubtasourceofsomehopeandcomforttohisfather;buttheother,alittlegirlbetweenoneandtwo,withblueeyesandlightauburnhair,heprobablykeepsfromconscientiousmotivesalone,thinkingitwrongtoabandonhertotheteachingandexampleofsuchawomanashermother。Thatmotherneverlovedchildren,andhassolittlenaturalaffectionforherownthatIquestionwhethershewillnotregarditasarelieftobethusentirelyseparatedfromthem,anddeliveredfromthetroubleandresponsibilityoftheircharge。
NotmanydaysafterthedepartureofLordandLadyLowborough,therestoftheladieswithdrewthelightoftheirpresencefromGrassdale。
Perhapstheymighthavestayedlonger,butneitherhostnorhostesspressedthemtoprolongtheirvisit——infact,theformershowedtooplainlythatheshouldbegladtogetridofthem;——andMrs。Hargraveretiredwithherdaughtersandhergrand-childrentherearethreeofthemnowtotheGrove。
Butthegentlemenremained:Mr。Huntingdon,asIintimatedbefore,wasdeterminedtokeepthemaslongashecould;and,beingthusdeliveredfromrestraint,theygavealoosetoalltheirinnatemadness,folly,andbrutality,andmadethehousenightafternightonesceneofriot,uproar,andconfusion。Whoamongthembehavedtheworst,orwhothebest,Icannotdistinctlysay;for,fromthemomentIdiscoveredhowthingswouldbe,IformedtheresolutionofretreatingupstairsorlockingmyselfintothelibrarytheinstantIwithdrewfromthedining-room,andnotcomingnearthemagaintillbreakfast;——butthisImustsayforMr。Hargrave,thatfromallIcouldseeofhim,hewasamodelofdecency,sobriety,andgentlemanlymannersincomparisonwiththerest。
Hedidnotjointhepartytillaweekortendaysafterthearrivaloftheotherguests;forhewasstillonthecontinentwhentheycame,andIcherishedthehopethathewouldnotaccepttheinvitation。Acceptithedid,however,buthisconducttowardsme,forthefirstfewweeks,wasexactlywhatIshouldhavewishedittobe——perfectlycivilandrespectfulwithoutanyaffectationofdespondencyordejection,andsufficientlydistantwithouthaughtiness,oranyofsuchremarkablestiffnessoricinessordemeanourasmightbecalculatedtodisturborpuzzlehissister,orcallforththeinvestigationofhismother。
TheTenantofWildfellHall:Chapter39CHAPTERXXXIXASCHEMEOFESCAPEMygreatestsourceofuneasiness,inthistimeoftrial,wasmyson,whomhisfatherandhisfather’sfriendsdelightedtoencourageinalltheembryovicesalittlechildcanshow,andtoinstructinalltheevilhabitshecouldacquireinaword,to`makeamanofhim’wasoneoftheirstapleamusements;andIneedsaynomoretojustifymyalarmonhisaccount,andmydeterminationtodeliverhimatanyhazardfromthehandsofsuchinstructors。Ifirstattemptedtokeephimalwayswithmeorinthenursery,andgaveRachelparticularinjunctionsnevertolethimcomedowntodessertaslongasthese`gentlemen’stayed;butitwasnouse;theseorderswereimmediatelycountermandedandover-ruledbyhisfather:hewasnotgoingtohavethelittlefellowmopedtodeathbetweenanoldnurseandacursedfoolofamother。Sothelittlefellowcamedowneveryevening,inspiteofhiscrossmamma,andlearnttotipplewinelikepapa,toswearlikeMr。Hattersley,andtohavehisownwaylikeaman,andsentmammatothedevilwhenshetriedtopreventhim。Toseesuchthingsdonewiththeroguishnaiveteofthatprettylittlechildandhearsuchthingsspokenbythatsmallinfantilevoice,wasaspeculiarlypiquantandirresistiblydrolltothemasitwasinexpressiblydistressingandpainfultome;andwhenhehadsetthetableinaroar,’hewouldlookrounddelightedlyuponthemall,andaddhisshrilllaughtotheirs。Butifthatbeamingblueeyerestedonme,itslightwouldvanishforamoment,andhewouldsay,insomeconcern,——`Mamma,whydon’tyoulaugh?Makeherlaugh,papa——sheneverwill。’
Hence,wasIobligedtostayamongthesehumanbrutes,watchinganopportunitytogetmychildawayfromthem,insteadofleavingthemimmediatelyaftertheremovalofthecloth,asIshouldalwaysotherwisehavedone。Hewasneverwillingtogo,andIfrequentlyhadtocarryhimawaybyforce;forwhichhethoughtmeverycruelandunjust;andsometimeshisfatherwouldinsistuponmylettinghimremain;——andthen,336Iwouldleavehimtohiskindfriends,andretiretoindulgemybitternessanddespairaloneortorackmybrainsforaremedytothisgreatevil。
Buthereagain,ImustdoMr。HargravethejusticetoacknowledgethatIneversawhimlaughatthechild’smisdemeanours,norheardhimutterawordofencouragementtohisaspirationsaftermanlyaccomplishments。
Butwhenanythingveryextraordinarywassaidordonebytheinfantprofligate,Inoticed,attimes,apeculiarexpressioninhisface,thatIcouldneitherinterpretnordefinedslighttwitchingaboutthemusclesofthemouthssuddenflashintheeye,ashedartedasuddenglanceatthechildandthenatme;andthen,Icouldfancytherearoseagleamofhard,keen,sombresatisfactioninhiscountenanceatthelookofimpotentwrathandanguishhewastoocertaintobeholdinmine。Butononeoccasion,whenArthurhadbeenbehavingparticularlyill,andMr。Huntingdonandhisguestshadbeenparticularlyprovokingandinsultingtomeintheirencouragementofhim,andIparticularlyanxioustogethimoutoftheroom,andontheverypointofdemeaningmyselfbyaburstofuncontrollablepassion——Mr。
Hargravesuddenlyrosefromhisseat,withanaspectofsterndetermination,liftedthechildfromhisfather’sknee,wherehewassittinghalftipsy,cockinghisheadandlaughingatme,andexecratingmewithwordshelittleknewthemeaningof,——handedhimoutoftheroom,andsettinghimdowninthehall,heldthedooropenforme,gravelybowedasIwithdrew,andcloseditafterme。Iheardhighwordsexchangedbetweenhimandhisalreadyhalf-inebriatedhostasIdeparted,leadingawaymybewilderedanddisconcertedboy,Butthisshouldnotcontinue;mychildmustnotbeabandonedtothiscorruption:betterfarthatheshouldliveinpovertyandobscuritywithafugitivemother,thaninluxuryandaffluencewithsuchafather。
Theseguestsmightnotbewithuslong,buttheywouldreturnagain;andhe,themostinjuriousofthewhole,hischild’sworstenemy,wouldstillremain。Icouldendureitformyself,butformysonitmustbebornenolonger:theworld’sopinionandthefeelingsofmyfriendsmustbealikeunheededhere,atleast,alikeunabletodetermefrommyduty。ButwhereshouldIfindanasylum,andhowobtain337subsistenceforusboth?Oh,Iwouldtakemypreciouschargeatearlydawn,takethecoachtoM——,fleetotheportofcrosstheAtlantic,andseekaquiet,humblehomeinNewEngland,whereIwouldsupportmyselfandhimbythelabourofmyhands。Thepaletteandtheeasel,mydarlingplaymatesonce,mustbemysobertoil-fellowsnow。ButwasIsufficientlyskilfulasanartisttoobtainmylivelihoodinastrangeland,withoutfriendsandwithoutrecommendation?No;Imustwaitalittle;Imustlabourhardtoimprovemytalentandtoproducesomethingworthwhileasaspecimenofmypowers,somethingtospeakfavourablyforme,whetherasanactualpainterorateacher。Brilliantsuccess,ofcourse,Ididnotlookfor,butsomedegreeofsecurityfrompositivefailurewasindispensable——Imustnottakemysontostarve。AndthenImusthavemoneyforthejourney,thepassage,andsomelittletosupportusinourretreatincaseIshouldbeunsuccessfulatfirst;andnottoolittleeither,forwhocouldtellhowlongImighthavetostrugglewiththeindifferenceorneglectofothers,ormyowninexperience,orinabilitytosuittheirtastes?
WhatshouldIdothen?Applytomybrother,andexplainmycircumstancesandmyresolvestohim?No,no;evenifItoldhimallmygrievances,whichIshouldbeveryreluctanttodo,hewouldbecertaintodisapproveofthestep:itwouldseemlikemadnesstohim,asitwouldtomyuncleandaunt,ortoMilicent。No;Imusthavepatienceandgatherahoardofmyown。Rachelshouldbemyonlyconfidant——IthoughtIcouldpersuadeherintothescheme;andsheshouldhelpme,firsttofindoutapicturedealerinsomedistanttown;then,throughhermeans,IwouldprivatelysellwhatpicturesIhadonhandthatwoulddoforsuchapurpose,andsomeofthoseIshouldthereafterpaint。Besidesthis,Iwouldcontrivetodisposeofmyjewels——notthefamilyjewels,butthefewIbroughtwithmefromhome,andthosemyunclegavemeonmymarriage。Afewmonths’
arduoustoilmightwellbebornebyme,withsuchanendinview;andintheinterim,mysoncouldnotbemuchmoreinjuredthanhewasalready。
Havingformedthisresolution,Iimmediatelysettoworktoaccomplishit。Imightpossiblyhavebeeninducedtowaxcool338uponitafterwards,orperhaps,tokeepweighingtheprosandconsinmymindtillthelatteroverbalancedtheformer,andIwasdriventorelinquishtheprojectaltogether,ordelaytheexecutionofittoanindefiniteperiod,——hadnotsomethingoccurredtoconfirmmeinthatdeterminationtowhichIstilladhere,whichIstillthinkIdidwelltoform,andshalldobettertoexecute。
SinceLordLowborough’sdeparture,Ihadregardedthelibraryasentirelymyown,asecureretreatatallhoursoftheday。Noneofourgentlemenhadthesmallestpretensionstoaliterarytaste,exceptMr。
Hargrave;andhe,atpresent,wasquitecontentedwiththenewspapersandperiodicalsoftheday。Andif,byanychance,heshouldlookinhere,Ifeltassuredhewouldsoondepartonseeingme,forinsteadofbecominglesscoolanddistanttowardsme,hehadbecomedecidedlymoresosincethedepartureofhismotherandsisters,whichwasjustwhatIwished。
Here,then,Isetupmyeasel,andhereIworkedatmycanvassfromdaylighttilldusk,withverylittleintermissionsavingwhenpurenecessity,ormydutiestolittleArthurcalledmeaway——forIstillthoughtpropertodevotesomeportionofeverydayexclusivelytohisinstructionandamusement。
Butcontrarytomyexpectation,onthethirdmorning,whileIwasthusemployed,Mr。Hargravedidlookin,anddidnotimmediatelywithdrawonseeingme。Heapologizedforhisinstrusion,andsaidhewasonlycomeforabook;butwhenhehadgotit,hecondescendedtocastaglanceovermypicture。Beingamanoftaste,hehadsomethingtosayonthissubjectaswellasanother,andhavingmodestlycommentedonit,withoutmuchencouragementfromme,heproceededtoexpatiateontheartingeneral。
Receivingnoencouragementinthateither,hedroppedit,butdidnotdepart。
`Youdon’tgiveusmuchofyourcompany,Mrs。Huntingdon,’observedhe,afterabriefpause,duringwhichIwentoncoollymixingandtemperingmycolours;`andIcannotwonderatit,foryoumustbeheartilysickofusall。Imyselfamsothoroughlyashamedofmycompanions,andsowearyoftheirirrationalconversationandpursuits——nowthatthereisnoonetohumanizethemandkeepthemincheck,sinceyouhavejustlyabandonedustoourowndevices——thatIthinkI339shallpresentlywithdrawfromamongstthem——probablywithinthisweekendIcannotsupposeyouwillregretmydeparture。
Hepaused。Ididnotanswer。
`Probably,’headded,withasmile,`youronlyregretonthesubjectwillbe,thatIdonottakeallmycompanionsalongwithme。Iflattermyself,attimes,thatthoughamongthem,Iamnotofthem;butitisnaturalthatyoushouldbegladtogetridofme。Imayregretthis,butIcannotblameyouforit。’
`Ishallnotrejoiceatyourdeparture,foryoucanconductyourselflikeagentleman,’saidI,thinkingitbutrighttomakesomeacknowledgmentforhisgoodbehaviour,`butImustconfessIshallrejoicetobidadieutotherest,inhospitableasitmayappear。