saidTarrionThenheleft,andtheStrongMandepartedtoseehowtheappointmentwastobeblocked……
Followedapauseofelevendays;withthundersandlightningsandmuchtelegraphingTheappointmentwasnotaveryimportantone,carryingonlybetweenRs500andRs700amonth;but,astheViceroysaid,itwastheprincipleofdiplomaticsecrecythathadtobemaintained,anditwasmorethanlikelythataboysowellsuppliedwithspecialinformationwouldbeworthtranslatingSotheytranslatedhimTheymusthavesuspectedhim,thoughheprotestedthathisinformationwasduetosingulartalentsofhisownNow,muchofthisstory,includingtheafter-historyofthemissingenvelope,youmustfillinforyourself,becausetherearereasonswhyitcannotbewrittenIfyoudonotknowaboutthingsUpAbove,youwon’tunderstandhowtofillitin,andyouwillsayitisimpossible。
WhattheViceroysaidwhenTarrionwasintroducedtohimwas:——“So,thisistheboywho’rusked’theGovernmentofIndia,isit?
Recollect,Sir,thatisnotdoneTWICE。”Sohemusthaveknownsomething。
WhatTarrionsaidwhenhesawhisappointmentgazettedwas:——“IfMrsHauksbeeweretwentyyearsyounger,andIherhusband,I
shouldbeViceroyofIndiaintwentyyears。”
WhatMrsHauksbeesaid,whenTarrionthankedher,almostwithtearsinhiseyes,wasfirst:——“Itoldyouso!”andnext,toherself:——“Whatfoolsmenare!”
THECONVERSIONOFAURELIANMcGOGGIN。
Ridewithanidlewhip,ridewithanunusedheel。
But,onceinaway,therewillcomeadayWhenthecoltmustbetaughttofeelThelashthatfalls,andthecurbthatgalls,andthestingoftherowelledsteel。
Life’sHandicap。
ThisisnotataleexactlyItisaTract;andIamimmenselyproudofitMakingaTractisaFeat。
Everymanisentitledtohisownreligiousopinions;butnoman——
leastofallajunior——hasarighttothrustthesedownothermen’sthroatsTheGovernmentsendsoutweirdCiviliansnowandagain;
butMcGogginwasthequeerestexportedforalongtimeHewasclever——brilliantlyclever——buthiscleverenessworkedthewrongwayInsteadofkeepingtothestudyofthevernaculars,hehadreadsomebookswrittenbyamancalledComte,Ithink,andamancalledSpencer,andaProfessorClifford[YouwillfindthesebooksintheLibrary。]Theydealwithpeople’sinsidesfromthepointofviewofmenwhohavenostomachsTherewasnoorderagainsthisreadingthem;buthisMammashouldhavesmackedhim。
Theyfermentedinhishead,andhecameouttoIndiawithararefiedreligionoverandabovehisworkItwasnotmuchofacreedItonlyprovedthatmenhadnosouls,andtherewasnoGodandnohereafter,andthatyoumustworryalongsomehowforthegoodofHumanity。
OneofitsminortenetsseemedtobethattheonethingmoresinfulthangivinganorderwasobeyingitAtleast,thatwaswhatMcGogginsaid;butIsuspecthehadmisreadhisprimers。
IdonotsayawordagainstthiscreedItwasmadeupinTown,wherethereisnothingbutmachineryandasphaltandbuilding——allshutinbythefogNaturally,amangrowstothinkthatthereisnoonehigherthanhimself,andthattheMetropolitanBoardofWorksmadeeverythingButinthiscountry,whereyoureallyseehumanity——raw,brown,nakedhumanity——withnothingbetweenitandtheblazingsky,andonlytheused-up,over-handledearthunderfoot,thenotionsomehowdiesaway,andmostfolkcomebacktosimplertheoriesLife,inIndia,isnotlongenoughtowasteinprovingthatthereisnooneinparticularattheheadofaffairs。
ForthisreasonTheDeputyisabovetheAssistant,theCommissionerabovetheDeputy,theLieutenant-GovernorabovetheCommissioner,andtheViceroyaboveallfour,undertheordersoftheSecretaryofState,whoisresponsibletotheEmpressIftheEmpressbenotresponsibletoherMaker——ifthereisnoMakerforhertoberesponsibleto——theentiresystemofOuradministrationmustbewrongWhichismanifestlyimpossibleAtHomemenaretobeexcusedTheyarestalledupagooddealandgetintellectually“beany。”Whenyoutakeagross,’beany“horsetoexercise,heslaversandslobbersoverthebittillyoucan’tseethehorns。
ButthebitistherejustthesameMendonotget“beany“inIndiaTheclimateandtheworkareagainstplayingbrickswithwords。
IfMcGogginhadkepthiscreed,withthecapitallettersandtheendingsin“isms。”tohimself,noonewouldhavecared;buthisgrandfathersonbothsideshadbeenWesleyanpreachers,andthepreachingstraincameoutinhismindHewantedeveryoneattheClubtoseethattheyhadnosoulstoo,andtohelphimtoeliminatehisCreatorAsagoodmanymentoldhim,HE
undoubtedlyhadnosoul,becausehewassoyoung,butitdidnotfollowthathisseniorswereequallyundeveloped;and,whethertherewasanotherworldornot,amanstillwantedtoreadhispapersinthis“Butthatisnotthepoint——thatisnotthepoint!”AurelianusedtosayThenmenthrewsofa-cushionsathimandtoldhimtogotoanyparticularplacehemightbelieveinTheychristenedhimthe“Blastoderm“——hesaidhecamefromafamilyofthatnamesomewhere,inthepre-historicages——and,byinsultandlaughter,strovetochokehimdumb,forhewasanunmitigatednuisanceattheClub;besidesbeinganoffencetotheoldermenHisDeputyCommissioner,whowasworkingontheFrontierwhenAurelianwasrollingonabed-quilt,toldhimthat,foracleverboy,AurelianwasaverybigidiotAnd,youknow,ifhehadgoneonwithhiswork,hewouldhavebeencaughtuptotheSecretariatinafewyearsHewasjustthetypethatgoesthere——allhead,nophysiqueandahundredtheoriesNotasoulwasinterestedinMcGoggin’ssoulHemighthavehadtwo,ornone,orsomebody’selse’sHisbusinesswastoobeyordersandkeepabreastofhisfilesinsteadofdevastatingtheClubwith“isms。”
Heworkedbrilliantly;buthecouldnotacceptanyorderwithouttryingtobetteritThatwasthefaultofhiscreedItmadementooresponsibleandlefttoomuchtotheirhonorYoucansometimesrideanoldhorseinahalter;butneveracolt。
McGoggintookmoretroubleoverhiscasesthananyofthemenofhisyearHemayhavefanciedthatthirty-pagejudgmentsonfifty-
rupeecases——bothsidesperjuredtothegullet——advancedthecauseofHumanityAtanyrate,heworkedtoomuch,andworriedandfrettedovertherebukeshereceived,andlecturedawayonhisridiculouscreedoutofoffice,tilltheDoctorhadtowarnhimthathewasoverdoingitNomancantoileighteenannasintherupeeinJunewithoutsufferingButMcGogginwasstillintellectually“beany“andproudofhimselfandhispowers,andhewouldtakenohintHeworkedninehoursadaysteadily。
“Verywell。”saidthedoctor,“you’llbreakdownbecauseyouareover-enginedforyourbeam。”McGogginwasalittlechap。
Oneday,thecollapsecame——asdramaticallyasifithadbeenmeanttoembellishaTract。
ItwasjustbeforetheRainsWeweresittingintheverandahinthedead,hot,closeair,gaspingandprayingthattheblack-bluecloudswouldletdownandbringthecoolVery,veryfaraway,therewasafaintwhisper,whichwastheroaroftheRainsbreakingovertheriverOneofthemenheardit,gotoutofhischair,listened,andsaid,naturallyenough:——“ThankGod!”
ThentheBlastodermturnedinhisplaceandsaid:——“Why?Iassureyouit’sonlytheresultofperfectlynaturalcauses——atmosphericphenomenaofthesimplestkindWhyyoushould,therefore,returnthankstoaBeingwhoneverdidexist——whoisonlyafigment——“
“Blastoderm。”gruntedthemaninthenextchair,“dryup,andthrowmeoverthePioneerWeknowallaboutyourfigments。”TheBlastodermreachedouttothetable,tookuponepaper,andjumpedasifsomethinghadstunghimThenhehandedthepaperover。
“AsIwassaying。”hewentonslowlyandwithaneffort——“duetoperfectlynaturalcauses——perfectlynaturalcausesImean——“
“Hi!Blastoderm,you’vegivenmetheCalcuttaMercantileAdvertiser。”
Thedustgotupinlittlewhorls,whilethetreetopsrockedandthekiteswhistledButnoonewaslookingatthecomingoftheRains。
WewereallstaringattheBlastoderm,whohadrisenfromhischairandwasfightingwithhisspeechThenhesaid,stillmoreslowly:——
“Perfectlyconceivable——dictionary——redoak——amenable——cause——
retaining——shuttlecock——alone。”
“Blastoderm’sdrunk。”saidonemanButtheBlastodermwasnotdrunkHelookedatusinadazedsortofway,andbeganmotioningwithhishandsinthehalflightasthecloudsclosedoverhead。
Then——withascream:——
“Whatisit?——Can’t——reserve——attainable——market——obscure——“
Buthisspeechseemedtofreezeinhim,and——justasthelightningshottwotonguesthatcutthewholeskyintothreepiecesandtherainfellinquiveringsheets——theBlastodermwasstruckdumbHestoodpawingandchampinglikeahard-heldhorse,andhiseyeswerefullofterror。
TheDoctorcameoverinthreeminutes,andheardthestory“It’saphasia。”hesaid“TakehimtohisroomIKNEWthesmashwouldcome。”WecarriedtheBlastodermacross,inthepouringrain,tohisquarters,andtheDoctorgavehimbromideofpotassiumtomakehimsleep。
ThentheDoctorcamebacktousandtoldusthataphasiawaslikeallthearrearsof“PunjabHead“fallinginalump;andthatonlyoncebefore——inthecaseofasepoy——hadhemetwithsocompleteacaseImyselfhaveseenmildaphasiainanoverworkedman,butthissuddendumbnesswasuncanny——though,astheBlastodermhimselfmighthavesaid,dueto“perfectlynaturalcauses。”
“He’llhavetotakeleaveafterthis。”saidtheDoctor“Hewon’tbefitforworkforanotherthreemonthsNo;itisn’tinsanityoranythinglikeitIt’sonlycompletelossofcontroloverthespeechandmemoryIfancyitwillkeeptheBlastodermquiet,though。”
Twodayslater,theBlastodermfoundhistongueagainThefirstquestionheaskedwas:“Whatwasit?”TheDoctorenlightenedhim。
“ButIcan’tunderstandit!”saidtheBlastoderm;“I’mquitesane;
butIcan’tbesureofmymind,itseems——myOWNmemory——canI?”
“GoupintotheHillsforthreemonths,anddon’tthinkaboutit。”
saidtheDoctor。
“ButIcan’tunderstandit。”repeatedtheBlastoderm“ItwasmyOWNmindandmemory。”
“Ican’thelpit。”saidtheDoctor;“thereareagoodmanythingsyoucan’tunderstand;and,bythetimeyouhaveputinmylengthofservice,you’llknowexactlyhowmuchamandarecallhisowninthisworld。”
ThestrokecowedtheBlastodermHecouldnotunderstanditHewentintotheHillsinfearandtrembling,wonderingwhetherhewouldbepermittedtoreachtheendofanysentencehebegan。
ThisgavehimawholesomefeelingofmistrustThelegitimateexplanation,thathehadbeenoverworkinghimself,failedtosatisfyhimSomethinghadwipedhislipsofspeech,asamotherwipesthemilkylipsofherchild,andhewasafraid——horriblyafraid。
SotheClubhadrestwhenhereturned;andifeveryoucomeacrossAurelianMcGogginlayingdownthelawonthingsHuman——hedoesn’tseemtoknowasmuchasheusedtoaboutthingsDivine——putyourforefingeronyourlipforamoment,andseewhathappens。
Don’tblamemeifhethrowsaglassatyourhead!
AGERMDESTROYER。
PleasantitisfortheLittleTinGods,WhengreatJovenods;
ButLittleTinGodsmaketheirlittlemistakesInmissingthehourwhengreatJovewakes。
Asageneralrule,itisinexpedienttomeddlewithquestionsofStateinalandwheremenarehighlypaidtoworkthemoutforyou。