Aloud。
Ias-sureyouyoucan’tdoanythingforme,Minnie,andImustreallysettledowntothisWhere’smypouch?
MRSGCrossingtowriting-table。Hereyouare,BearWhatamessyoukeepyourtablein!
CAPTGDon’ttouchitThere’samethodinmymadness,thoughyoumightn’tthinkofit。
MRSGAttable。Iwanttolook-Doyoukeepaccounts,Pip?
CAPTGBendingoversaddlery。OfasortAreyourummagingamongtheTrooppapers?Becareful。
MRsGWhy?Isha’n’tdisturbanythingGoodgracious!Ihadnoideathatyouhadanythingtodowithsomanysickhorses。
CAPTG’WishIhadn’t,buttheyinsistonfallingsickMinnie,if1
wereyouIreallyshouldnotinvestigatethosepapersYoumaycomeacrosssomethingthatyouwon’tlike。
MRSGWhywillyoualwaystreatmelikeachild?IknowI’mnotdisplacingthehorridthings。
CAPTGResignedly。Verywell,thenDon’tblamemeifanythinghappensPlaywiththetableandletmegoonwiththesaddlerySlippinghandintotrousers-pocket。Oh,thedeuce!
MRSGHerbacktoG。What’sthatfor?
CAPTGNothingAside。There’snotmuchinit,butIwishI’dtornitup。
MRSGTurningovercontentsoftable。Iknowyou’llhatemeforthis;butIdowanttoseewhatyourworkislikeApause。
Pip,whatare“farcybuds“?
CAPTGHab!Wouldyoureallyliketoknow?Theyaren’tprettythings。
MRSGThisJournalofVeterinarySciencesaystheyareof“absorbinginterest。”Tellme。
CAPTGAside。Itmayturnherattention。
Givesalonganddesignedlyloathsomeaccountofglandersandfarcy。
MRSGOh,that’senoughDon’tgoon!
CAPTGButyouwantedtoknow-Thenthesethingssuppurateandmatterateandspread-
MRSGPin,you’remakingmesick!You’reahorrid,disgustingschoolboy。
CAPTGOnhiskneesamongthebridles。Youaskedtobetold。
It’snotmyfaultifyouworrymeintotalkingabouthorrors。
MasGWhydidn’tyousay-No?
CAPTGGoodHeavens,child!Haveyoucomeinheresimplytobullyme?
MasGIbullyyou?HowcouldI!You’resostrongHysterically。
StrongenoughtopickmeupandputmeoutsidethedoorandleavemetheretocryAren’tyou?
CAPTGItseemstomethatyou’reanirrationallittlebabyAreyouquitewell?
MRSGDoIlookill?ReturningtotableWhoisyourladyfriendwiththebiggreyenvelopeandthefatmonogramoutside?
CAPTGAside。Thenitwasn’tlockedup,confoundit。
Aloud。
“Godmadeher,thereforeletherpassforawoman。”Yourememberwhatfarcybudsarelike?
MasGShowingenvelope。Thishasnothingtodowiththem。
I’mgoingtoopenitMayI?
CAPTGCertainly,ifyouwanttoI’dsooneryoudidn’tthoughI
don’tasktolookatyourletterstotheDeer-courtgirl。
MasGYou’dbetternot,Sir!Takesletterfromenvelope。Now,mayIlook?Ifyousayno,Ishallcry。
CAPTGYou’venevercriedinmyknowledgeofyou,andIdon’tbelieveyoucould。
MasGIfeelverylikeitto-day,PipDon’tbehardonmeReadsletter。Itbeginsinthemiddle,with-outany“DearCaptainGadsby。”oranythingHowfunny!
CAPTGAside。No,it’snotDearCaptainGadsby,oranything,nowHowfunny!
MasGWhatastrangeletter!Reads。“Andsothemothhascometoonearthecandleatlast,andhasbeensingedinto-shallI
sayRespectability?Icongratulatehim,andhopehewillbeashappyashedeservestobe。”Whatdoesthatmean?Isshecongratulatingyouaboutourmarriage?
CAPTGYes,Isupposeso。
MasGStillr’adingletter。Sheseemstobeaparticularfriendofyours。
CAPTGYesShewasanexcellentmatronofsorts-aMrs。
Herriott-wifeofaColonelHerriottIusedtoknowsomeofherpeopleatHomelongago-beforeIcameout。
MasGSomeColonel’swivesareyoung-asyoungasmeIknewonewhowasyounger。
CAPTGThenitcouldn’thavebeenMrsHerriottShewasoldenoughtohavebeenycurmother,dear。
MasGIremembernowMrsScargillwastalkingaboutherattheDutfins’tennis,beforeyoucameforme,onTuesdayCaptainMafflinsaidshewasa“dearoldwoman。”Doyouknow,IthinkMafilinisaveryclumsymanwithhisfeet。
CAPTGAside。GoodoldJack!Aloud。Why,dear?
MasGHehadputhiscupdownonthegroundthen,andheliterallysteppedintoitSomeoftheteaspirtedovermydress-thegreyoneImeanttotellyouaboutitbefore。
CAPTGAside。TherearethemakingsofastrategistaboutJackthoughhismethodsarecoarseAloud。You’dbettergetanewdress,thenAside。Letuspraythatthatwillturnher。
MasGOh,itisn’tstainedintheleastIonlythoughtthatI’dtellyouReturningtoletter。Whatanextraordinaryperson!Reads。
“ButneedIremindyouthatyouhavetakenuponyourselfachargeofwardship“-whatintheworldisachargeofwardship?-“whichasyouyourselfknow,mayendinConsequences“-
CAPTGAside。It’ssafesttoletemseeeverythingastheycomeacrossit;but’seemstomethatthereareexceptionstotherule。
Aloud。Itoldyouthattherewasnothingtobegainedfromrearrangingmytable。
MasGAbsently。Whatdoesthewomanmean?ShegoesontalkingaboutConsequences-’’almostinevitableConsequences“
withacapitalC-forhalfapageFlushingscarlet。Oh,goodgracious!Howabominable!
CAPTGPromptly。Doyouthinkso?Doesn’titshowasortofmotherlyinterestinus?Aside。ThankHeavenHarryalwayswrappedhermeaningupsafely!Aloud。Isitabsolutelynecessarytogoonwiththeletter,darling?
MasGIt’simpertinent-it’ssimplyhorridWhatrighthasthiswomantowriteinthiswaytoyou?Sheoughtn’tto。
CAPTGWhenyouwritetotheDeercourtgirl,InoticethatyougenerallyfillthreeorfoursheetsCan’tyouletanoldwomanbabbleonpaperonceinaway?Shemeanswell。
MRSGIdon’tcareSheshouldn’twrite,andifshedid,yououghttohaveshownmeherletter。
CAPTGCan’tyouunderstandwhyIkeptittomyself,ormustI
explainatlength-asIexplainedthefarcybuds?
MasGFuriously。PipIhateyou!Thisisasbadasthoseidioticsaddle-bagsonthefloorNevermindwhetheritwouldpleasemeornot,yououghttohavegivenittometoread。
CAPTGItcomestothesamethingYoutookityourself。
MRSGYes,butifIhadn’ttakenit,youwouldn’thavesaidawordIthinkthisHarrietHerriott-it’slikeanameinabook-isaninterferingoldThing。
CAPTGAside。Solongasyouthoroughlyunderstandthatsheisold,Idon’tmuchcarewhatyouthinkAloud。Verygood,dear。
Wouldyouliketowriteandtellherso?She’sseventhousandmilesaway。
MRSGIdon’twanttohaveany-thingtodowithher,butyououghttohavetoldmeTurningtolastpageofletter。Andshepatronizesme,tooI’veneverseenher!Reads。“Idonotknowhowtheworldstandswithyou;inallhumanprobabilityIshallneverknow;butwhateverImayhavesaidbefore,IprayforhersakemorethanforyoursthatallmaybewellIhavelearnedwhatmiserymeans,andIdarenotwishthatanyonedeartoyoushouldsharemyknowledge。”
CAPTGGoodGod!Can’tyouleavethatletteralone,or,atleast,can’tyourefrainfromreadingitaloud?I’vebeenthroughitonce。
Putitbackon’hedeskDoyouhearme?
MasGIrresolutely。Ish-sha’n’t!LooksatG。’seyes。Oh,Pip,please!Ididn’tmeantomakeyouangry-’Deed,Ididn’tPip,I’msosorryIknowI’vewastedyourtime-CAPTGGrimly。YouhaveNow,willyoubegoodenoughtogo-ifthereisnothingmoreinmyroomthatyouareanxioustopryinto?
MasGPuttingoutherhands。Oh,Pip,don’tlookatmelikethat!I’veneverseenyoulooklikethatbeforeandithu-urtsme!
I’msorryIoughtn’ttohavebeenhereatall,and-and-and-
sobbing。Oh,begoodtome!Begoodtome!There’sonlyyou-anywhere!Breaksdowninlongchair,hidingfaceincushions。
CAPTGAside。Shedoesn’tknowhowsheflickedmeontheraw。
Aloud,bendingoverchair。Ididn’tmeantobeharsh,dear-Ididn’treallyYoucanstayhereaslongasyouplease,anddowhatyoupleaseDon’tcrylikethatYou’llmakeyourselfsickAside。
Whatonearthhascomeoverher?Aloud。Darling,what’sthematterwithyou?
MrsGHerfacestillhidden。Letmego-letmegotomyownroomOnly-onlysayyouaren’tangrywithme。
CAPTGAngrywithyou,love!OfcoursenotIwasangrywithmyselfI’dlostmytemperoverthesaddlery-Don’thideyourface,PussyIwanttokissit。
Bendslower,MasGslidesrightarmroundhisneckSeveralinterludesandmuchsobbing。
MasGInawhisper。Ididn’tmeanaboutthejamwhenIcameintotellyou-
CAPT’GBotherthejamandtheequipment!Interlude。
MasGStillmorefaintly。Myfingerwasn’tscaldedatall。
I-[wantedtospeaktoyouabout-about-somethingelse,and-I
didn’tknowhow。
CAPTGSpeakaway,thenLookingintohereyes。Eb!
Wha-at?
Minnie!Here,don’tgoaway!Youdon’tmean?
MasGHysterically,backingtoportiereandhidingherfaceinitsfold’s。The-theAlmostInevitableConsequences!FlitsthroughportiereasGattemptstocatchher,andboltsherselfinherownroom。
CAPTGHisarmsfullofportiere。Oh!Sittingdownheavilyinchair。I’mabruteapig-abully,andablackguardMypoor,poorlittledarling!“Madetobeamusedonly?”-
THEVALLEYOFTHESHADOW
KnowingGoodandEvil。
SCENE-TheGADSBYS’bungalowinthePlains,inJune。
Punkah-cooliesasleepinverandawhereCaptainGADBYiswalkingupanddownDOCTOR’StrapinporchJUNIOR
CHAPLAINdriftinggenerallyanduneasilythroughthehouse。
Time,3:4OAMHeat94degreesinveranda。
DOCTORComingintoverandaandtouchingGontheshoulder。Youhadbettergoinandseehernow。
CAPTGThecolorofgoodcigar-ash。Eb,wha-at?Oh,yes,ofcourseWhatdidyousay?
DOCTORSyllablebysyllable。Go-in-to-the-room-and-see-
herShewantstospeaktoyouAside,testily。Ishallhavehimonmyhandsnext。
JUNIORCHAPLAINInhalf-lighteddiningroom。Isn’tthereany?-
DOCTORSavagely。Hsb,youlittlefool!
JUNIORCHAPLAINLetmedomyworkGadsby,stopaminuteIEdgesafterG。
DOCTORWaittillshesendsforyouatleast-atleastManalive,he’llkillyouifyougointhere!Whatareyoubotheringhimfor?
JUNIORCHAPLAINComingintoveranda。I’vegivenhimastiffbrandy-pegHewantsitYou’veforgottenhimforthelasttenhoursand-forgottenyourselftoo。
Gentersbedroom,whichislitbyonenight-lampAyakonthefloorpretendingtobeasleep。
VOICEFromthebed。Alldownthestreet-suchbonfires!Ayah,goandputthemout!Appealingly。HowcanIsleepwithaninstallationoftheC。I。Einmyroom?No-notC。I。ESomethingelseWhatwasit?
CAPTGTryingtocontrolhisvoice。Minnie,I’mhere。
Bendingoverbed。Don’tyouknowme,Mmnie?It’sme-it’sPhil-it’syourhusband。