ButTorpenhowwasinthesouthofEngland,inspectingdockyardsinthecompanyoftheNilghaiHisletterswerebriefandfullofmystery。
DickhadneveraskedanybodytohelphiminhisjoysorhissorrowsHeargued,inthelonelinessofhisstudio,henceforwardtobedecoratedwithafilmofgraygauzeinonecorner,that,ifhisfatewereblindness,alltheTorpenhowsintheworldcouldnotsavehim’Ican’tcallhimoffhistriptositdownandsympathisewithmeImustpullthroughthisbusinessalone,’hesaidHewaslyingonthesofa,eatinghismoustacheandwonderingwhatthedarknessofthenightwouldbelikeThencametohismindthememoryofaquaintsceneintheSoudanAsoldierhadbeennearlyhackedintwobyabroad-bladedArabspearForoneinstantthemanfeltnopainLookingdown,hesawthathislife-bloodwasgoingfromhimThestupidbewildermentonhisfacewassointenselycomicthatbothDickandTorpenhow,stillpantingandunstrungfromafightforlife,hadroaredwithlaughter,inwhichthemanseemedasifhewouldjoin,but,ashislipspartedinasheepishgrin,theagonyofdeathcameuponhim,andhepitchedgruntingattheirfeetDicklaughedagain,rememberingthehorrorItseemedsoexactlylikehisowncase。
’ButIhavealittlemoretimeallowedme,’hesaidHepacedupanddowntheroom,quietlyatfirst,butafterwardswiththehurriedfeetoffearItwasasthoughablackshadowstoodathiselbowandurgedhimtogoforward;andtherewereonlyweavingcirclesandfloatingpin-dotsbeforehiseyes。
’Weneedtobecalm,Binkie;wemustbecalm。’Hetalkedaloudforthesakeofdistraction’Thisisn’tniceatallWhatshallwedo?WemustdosomethingOurtimeisshortIshouldn’thavebelievedthatthismorning;
butnowthingsaredifferentBinkie,wherewasMoseswhenthelightwentout?’
Binkiesmiledfromeartoear,asawell-bredterriershould,butmadenosuggestion。
’“Weretherebutworldenoughandtime,Thiscoyness,Binkie,werenotcrimeButatmybackIalwayshear——“’Hewipedhisforehead,whichwasunpleasantlydamp’WhatcanIdo?WhatcanIdo?I
haven’tanynotionsleft,andIcan’tthinkconnectedly,butImustdosomething,orIshallgooffmyhead。’
Thehurriedwalkrecommenced,Dickstoppingeverynowandagaintodragforthlong-neglectedcanvasesandoldnote-books;forheturnedtohisworkbyinstinct,asathingthatcouldnotfail’Youwon’tdo,andyouwon’tdo,’hesaid,ateachinspection’NomoresoldiersIcouldn’tpaint’emSuddendeathcomeshometoonearly,andthisisbattleandmurderforme。’
Thedaywasfailing,andDickthoughtforamomentthatthetwilightoftheblindhadcomeuponhimunaware’AllahAlmighty!’hecrieddespairingly,’helpmethroughthetimeofwaiting,andIwon’twhinewhenmypunishmentcomesWhatcanIdonow,beforethelightgoes?’
TherewasnoanswerDickwaitedtillhecouldregainsomesortofcontroloverhimselfHishandswereshaking,andhepridedhimselfontheirsteadiness;hecouldfeelthathislipswerequivering,andthesweatwasrunningdownhisfaceHewaslashedbyfear,drivenforwardbythedesiretogettoworkatonceandaccomplishsomething,andmaddenedbytherefusalofhisbraintodomorethanrepeatthenewsthathewasabouttogoblind’It’sahumiliatingexhibition,’hethought,’andI’mgladTorpisn’theretoseeThedoctorsaidIwastoavoidmentalworry。
Comehereandletmepetyou,Binkie。’
ThelittledogyelpedbecauseDicknearlysqueezedthebarkoutofhim。
Thenheheardthemanspeakinginthetwilight,and,doglike,understoodthathistroublestoodofffromhim——
’Allahisgood,BinkieNotquitesogentleaswecouldwish,butwe’lldiscussthatlaterIthinkIseemywaytoitnowAllthosestudiesofBessie’sheadwerenonsense,andtheynearlybroughtyourmasterintoascrapeIholdthenotionnowasclearascrystal,——“theMelancoliathattranscendsallwit。”ThereshallbeMaisieinthathead,becauseI
shallnevergetMaisie;andBess,ofcourse,becausesheknowsallaboutMelancolia,thoughshedoesn’tknowsheknows;andthereshallbesomedrawinginit,anditshallallendupwithalaughThat’sformyself。
Shallshegiggleorgrin?No,sheshalllaughrightoutofthecanvas,andeverymanandwomanthateverhadasorrowoftheirownshall——whatisitthepoemsays?——
’UnderstandthespeechandfeelastirOffellowshipinalldisastrousfight。
“Inalldisastrousfight“?That’sbetterthanpaintingthethingmerelytopiqueMaisieIcandoitnowbecauseIhaveitinsidemeBinkie,I’mgoingtoholdyouupbyyourtailYou’reanomenComehere。’
Binkieswungheaddownwardforamomentwithoutspeaking。
’Ratherlikeholdingaguinea-pig;butyou’reabravelittledog,andyoudon’tyelpwhenyou’rehungupItisanomen。’
Binkiewenttohisownchair,andasoftenashelookedsawDickwalkingupanddown,rubbinghishandsandchucklingThatnightDickwrotealettertoMaisiefullofthetenderestregardforherhealth,butsayingverylittleabouthisown,anddreamedoftheMelancoliatobebornNottillmorningdidherememberthatsomethingmighthappentohiminthefuture。
Hefelltowork,whistlingsoftly,andwasswallowedupintheclean,clearjoyofcreation,whichdoesnotcometomantoooften,lestheshouldconsiderhimselftheequalofhisGod,andsorefusetodieattheappointedtimeHeforgotMaisie,Torpenhow,andBinkieathisfeet,butrememberedtostirBessie,whoneededverylittlestirring,intoatremendousrage,thathemightwatchthesmoulderinglightsinhereyes。
Hethrewhimselfwithoutreservationintohiswork,anddidnotthinkofthedoomthatwastoovertakehim,forhewaspossessedwithhisnotion,andthethingsofthisworldhadnopoweruponhim。
’You’repleasedto-day,’saidBessie。
Dickwavedhismahl-stickinmysticcirclesandwenttothesideboardforadrinkIntheevening,whentheexaltationofthedayhaddieddown,hewenttothesideboardagain,andaftersomevisitsbecameconvincedthattheeye-doctorwasaliar,sincehecouldstillseeeverythingveryclearly。
HewasofopinionthathewouldevenmakeahomeforMaisie,andthatwhethershelikeditornotsheshouldbehiswifeThemoodpassednextmorning,butthesideboardandalluponitremainedforhiscomfort。
Againhesettowork,andhiseyestroubledhimwithspotsanddashesandblurstillhehadtakencounselwiththesideboard,andtheMelancoliabothonthecanvasandinhisownmindappearedlovelierthaneverTherewasadelightfulsenseofirresponsibilityuponhim,suchastheyfeelwhowalkingamongtheirfellow-menknowthatthedeath-sentenceofdiseaseisuponthem,and,seeingthatfearisbutwasteofthelittletimeleft,areriotouslyhappyThedayspassedwithoutevent。
Bessiearrivedpunctuallyalways,and,thoughhervoiceseemedtoDicktocomefromadistance,herfacewasalwaysverynearTheMelancoliabegantoflameonthecanvas,inthelikenessofawomanwhohadknownallthesorrowintheworldandwaslaughingatitItwastruethatthecornersofthestudiodrapedthemselvesingrayfilmandretiredintothedarkness,thatthespotsinhiseyesandthepainsacrosshisheadwereverytroublesome,andthatMaisie’sletterswerehardtoreadandharderstilltoanswerHecouldnottellherofhistrouble,andhecouldnotlaughatheraccountsofherownMelancoliawhichwasalwaysgoingtobefinishedButthefuriousdaysoftoilandthenightsofwilddreamsmadeamendsforall,andthesideboardwashisbestfriendonearth。
BessiewassingularlydullSheusedtoshriekwithragewhenDickstaredatherbetweenhalf-closedeyesNowshesulked,orwatchedhimwithdisgust,sayingverylittle。
TorpenhowhadbeenabsentforsixweeksAnincoherentnoteheraldedhisreturn’News!greatnews!’hewrote’TheNilghaiknows,andsodoestheKeneuWe’reallbackonThursdayGetlunchandcleanyouraccoutrements。’
DickshowedBessietheletter,andsheabusedhimforthathehadeversentTorpenhowawayandruinedherlife。
’Well,’saidDick,brutally,’you’rebetterasyouare,insteadofmakinglovetosomedrunkenbeastinthestreet。’HefeltthathehadrescuedTorpenhowfromgreattemptation。
’Idon’tknowifthat’sanyworsethansittingtoadrunkenbeastinastudioYouhaven’tbeensoberforthreeweeksYou’vebeensoakingthewholetime;andyetyoupretendyou’rebetterthanme!’
’Whatd’youmean?’saidDick。
’Mean!You’llseewhenMrTorpenhowcomesback。’
ItwasnotlongtowaitTorpenhowmetBessieonthestaircasewithoutasignoffeelingHehadnewsthatwasmoretohimthanmanyBessies,andtheKeneuandtheNilghaiweretramplingbehindhim,callingforDick。
’Drinkinglikeafish,’Bessiewhispered’He’sbeenatitfornearlyamonth。’Shefollowedthemenstealthilytohearjudgmentdone。
Theycameintothestudio,rejoicing,tobewelcomedovereffusivelybyadrawn,lined,shrunken,haggardwreck,——unshaven,blue-whiteaboutthenostrils,stoopingintheshoulders,andpeeringunderhiseyebrowsnervouslyThedrinkhadbeenatworkassteadilyasDick。
’Isthisyou?’saidTorpenhow。
’Allthat’sleftofmeSitdownBinkie’squitewell,andI’vebeendoingsomegoodwork。’Hereeledwherehestood。
’You’vedonesomeoftheworstworkyou’veeverdoneinyourlife。
Manalive,you’re——’
Torpenhowturnedtohiscompanionsappealingly,andtheylefttheroomtofindlunchelsewhereThenhespoke;but,sincethereproofofafriendismuchtoosacredandintimateathingtobeprinted,andsinceTorpenhowusedfiguresandmetaphorswhichwereunseemly,andcontemptuntranslatable,itwillneverbeknownwhatwasactuallysaidtoDick,whoblinkedandwinkedandpickedathishandsAfteratimetheculpritbegantofeeltheneedofalittleself-respectHewasquitesurethathehadnotinanywaydepartedfromvirtue,andtherewerereasons,too,ofwhichTorpenhowknewnothingHewouldexplain。
Herose,triedtostraightenhisshoulders,andspoketothefacehecouldhardlysee。
’Youareright,’hesaid’ButIamright,tooAfteryouwentawayI
hadsometroublewithmyeyesSoIwenttoanoculist,andheturnedagasogene——Imeanagas-engine——intomyeyeThatwasverylongagoHesaid,“Scaronthehead,——sword-cutandopticnerve。”MakeanoteofthatSoIamgoingblindIhavesomeworktodobeforeIgoblind,andI
supposethatImustdoitIcannotseemuchnow,butIcanseebestwhenIamdrunkIdidnotknowIwasdrunktillIwastold,butImustgoonwithmyworkIfyouwanttoseeit,thereitis。’HepointedtotheallbutfinishedMelancoliaandlookedforapplause。
Torpenhowsaidnothing,andDickbegantowhimperfeebly,forjoyatseeingTorpenhowagain,forgriefatmisdeeds——ifindeedtheyweremisdeeds——thatmadeTorpenhowremoteandunsympathetic,andforchildishvanityhurt,sinceTorpenhowhadnotgivenawordofpraisetohiswonderfulpicture。
Bessielookedthroughthekeyholeafteralongpause,andsawthetwowalkingupanddownasusual,Torpenhow’shandonDick’sshoulder。
HereatshesaidsomethingsoimproperthatitshockedevenBinkie,whowasdribblingpatientlyonthelandingwiththehopeofseeinghismasteragain。
CHAPTERXI
ThelarkwillmakeherhymntoGod,Thepartridgecallherbrood,WhileIforgettheheathItrod,ThefieldswhereinIstood。
’Tisduletoknownotnightfrommorn,ButdeeperduletoknowIcanbuthearthehunter’shornThatonceIusedtoblow——
TheOnlySon-
ITWASthethirddayafterTorpenhow’sreturn,andhisheartwasheavy。
’Doyoumeantotellmethatyoucan’tseetoworkwithoutwhiskey?It’sgenerallytheotherwayabout。’
’Canadrunkardswearonhishonour?’saidDick。
’Yes,ifhehasbeenasgodamanasyou。’
’ThenIgiveyoumywordofhonour,’saidDick,speakinghurriedlythroughparchedlips’Oldman,Icanhardlyseeyourfacenow。
You’vekeptmesoberfortwodays,——ifIeverwasdrunk,——andI’vedonenowork。
Don’tkeepmebackanymoreIdon’tknowwhenmyeyesmaygiveout。
ThespotsanddotsandthepainsandthingsarecrowdingworsethaneverIswearIcanseeallrightwhenI’m——whenI’mmoderatelyscrewed,asyousayGivemethreemoresittingsfromBessieandall——thestuffI
want,andthepicturewillbedoneIcan’tkillmyselfinthreedays。
ItonlymeansatouchofDTattheworst。’
’IfIgiveyouthreedaysmorewillyoupromisemetostopworkand——theotherthing,whetherthepicture’sfinishedornot?’
’Ican’tYoudon’tknowwhatthatpicturemeanstomeButsurelyyoucouldgettheNilghaitohelpyou,andknockmedownandtiemeupI
shouldn’tfightforthewhiskey,butIshouldforthework。’
’Goon,thenIgiveyouthreedays;butyou’renearlybreakingmyheart。’
Dickreturnedtohiswork,toilingasonepossessed;andtheyellowdevilofwhiskeystoodbyhimandchasedawaythespotsinhiseyes。
TheMelancoliawasnearlyfinished,andwasallornearlyallthathehadhopedshewouldbeDickjestedwithBessie,whoremindedhimthathewas’adrunkenbeast’;butthereproofdidnotmovehim。