首页 >出版文学> The Way of All Flesh>第29章
  Ineverbelievedintheproject,andhaveseennoreasontoaltermyoriginalopinion。Iamnotsorryforyourownsake,thatitistobeatanend,nor,Iamsure,willyouregretityourselfinafteryears。
  “Afewwordsmoreasregardsyourownprospects。Youhave,asI
  believeyouknow,asmallinheritance,whichisyourslegallyunderyourgrandfather’swill。Thisbequestwasmadeinadvertently,and,Ibelieve,entirelythroughamisunderstandingonthelawyer’spart。
  Thebequestwasprobablyintendednottotakeeffecttillafterthedeathofyourmotherandmyself;nevertheless,asthewillisactuallyworded,itwillnowbeatyourcommandifyoulivetobetwenty-oneyearsold。Fromthis,however,largedeductionsmustbemade。Therewillbelegacyduty,andIdonotknowwhetherIamnotentitledtodeducttheexpensesofyoureducationandmaintenancefrombirthtoyourcomingofage;Ishallnotinalllikelihoodinsistonthisrighttothefull,ifyouconductyourselfproperly,butaconsiderablesumshouldcertainlybededucted,therewillthereforeremainverylittle——say1000poundsor2000poundsattheoutside,aswhatwillbeactuallyyours——butthestrictestaccountshallberenderedyouinduetime。
  “This,letmewarnyoumostseriously,isallthatyoumustexpectfrommeevenErnestsawthatitwasnotfromTheobaldatallatanyratetillaftermydeath,whichforaughtanyofusknowmaybeyetmanyyearsdistant。Itisnotalargesum,butitissufficientifsupplementedbysteadinessandearnestnessofpurpose。YourmotherandIgaveyouthenameErnest,hopingthatitwouldremindyoucontinuallyof——“butIreallycannotcopymoreofthiseffusion。Itwasallthesameoldwill-shakinggameandcamepracticallytothis,thatErnestwasnogood,andthatifhewentonashewasgoingonnow,hewouldprobablyhavetogoaboutthestreetsbeggingwithoutanyshoesorstockingssoonafterhehadleftschool,oratanyrate,college;andthathe,Theobald,andChristinawerealmosttoogoodforthisworldaltogether。
  AfterhehadwrittenthisTheobaldfeltquitegood-natured,andsenttotheMrsThompsonofthemomentevenmoresoupandwinethanherusualnotilliberalallowance。
  Ernestwasdeeply,passionatelyupsetbyhisfather’sletter;tothinkthatevenhisdearaunt,theonepersonofhisrelationswhomhereallyloved,shouldhaveturnedagainsthimandthoughtbadlyofhimafterall。Thiswastheunkindestcutofall。InthehurryofherillnessMissPontifex,whilethinkingonlyofhiswelfare,hadomittedtomakesuchsmallpresentmentionofhimaswouldhavemadehisfather’sinnuendoesstingless;andherillnessbeinginfectious,shehadnotseenhimafteritsnaturewasknown。ImyselfdidnotknowofTheobald’sletter,northinkenoughaboutmygodsontoguesswhatmighteasilybehisstate。ItwasnottillmanyyearsafterwardsthatIfoundTheobald’sletterinthepocketofanoldportfoliowhichErnesthadusedatschool,andinwhichotheroldlettersandschooldocumentswerecollectedwhichIhaveusedinthisbook。Hehadforgottenthathehadit,buttoldmewhenhesawitthatheremembereditasthefirstthingthatmadehimbegintoriseagainsthisfatherinarebellionwhichherecognisedasrighteous,thoughhedarednotopenlyavowit。Nottheleastseriousthingwasthatitwould,hefeared,behisdutytogiveupthelegacyhisgrandfatherhadlefthim;forifitwashisonlythroughamistake,howcouldhekeepit?
  DuringtherestofthehalfyearErnestwaslistlessandunhappy。
  Hewasveryfondofsomeofhisschoolfellows,butafraidofthosewhomhebelievedtobebetterthanhimself,andpronetoidealiseeveryoneintobeinghissuperiorexceptthosewhowereobviouslyagooddealbeneathhim。Heheldhimselfmuchtoocheap,andbecausehewaswithoutthatphysicalstrengthandvigourwhichhesomuchcoveted,andalsobecauseheknewheshirkedhislessons,hebelievedthathewaswithoutanythingwhichcoulddeservethenameofagoodquality;hewasnaturallybad,andoneofthoseforwhomtherewasnoplaceforrepentance,thoughhesoughtitevenwithtears。Soheshrankoutofsightofthosewhominhisboyishwayheidolised,neverforamomentsuspectingthathemighthavecapacitiestothefullashighastheirsthoughofadifferentkind,andfellinmorewiththosewhowerereputedofthebasersort,withwhomhecouldatanyratebeuponequalterms。Beforetheendofthehalfyearhehaddroppedfromtheestatetowhichhehadbeenraisedduringhisaunt’sstayatRoughborough,andhisolddejection,varied,however,withburstsofconceitrivallingthoseofhismother,resumeditsswayoverhim。“Pontifex。”saidDrSkinner,whohadfallenuponhiminhallonedaylikeamorallandslip,beforehehadtimetoescape,“doyouneverlaugh?Doyoualwayslooksopreternaturallygrave?”Thedoctorhadnotmeanttobeunkind,buttheboyturnedcrimson,andescaped。
  Therewasoneplaceonlywherehewashappy,andthatwasintheoldchurchofStMichael,whenhisfriendtheorganistwaspractising。
  Aboutthistimecheapeditionsofthegreatoratoriosbegantoappear,andErnestgotthemallassoonastheywerepublished;hewouldsometimessellaschool-booktoasecond-handdealer,andbuyanumberortwoofthe“Messiah。”orthe“Creation。”or“Elijah。”
  withtheproceeds。Thiswassimplycheatinghispapaandmamma,butErnestwasfallinglowagain——orthoughthewas——andhewantedthemusicmuch,andtheSallust,orwhateveritwas,little。Sometimestheorganistwouldgohome,leavinghiskeyswithErnest,sothathecouldplaybyhimselfandlockuptheorganandthechurchintimetogetbackforcallingover。Atothertimes,whilehisfriendwasplaying,hewouldwanderroundthechurch,lookingatthemonumentsandtheoldstainedglasswindows,enchantedasregardsbothearsandeyes,atonce。Oncetheoldrectorgotholdofhimashewaswatchinganewwindowbeingputin,whichtherectorhadboughtinGermany——thework,itwassupposed,ofAlbertDurer。HequestionedErnest,andfindingthathewasfondofmusic,hesaidinhisoldtremblingvoiceforhewasovereighty,“ThenyoushouldhaveknownDrBurneywhowrotethehistoryofmusic。IknewhimexceedinglywellwhenIwasayoungman。”ThatmadeErnest’sheartbeat,forheknewthatDrBurney,whenaboyatschoolatChester,usedtobreakboundsthathemightwatchHandelsmokinghispipeintheExchangecoffeehouse——andnowhewasinthepresenceofonewho,ifhehadnotseenHandelhimself,hadatleastseenthosewhohadseenhim。
  Thesewereoasesinhisdesert,but,asageneralrule,theboylookedthinandpale,andasthoughhehadasecretwhichdepressedhim,whichnodoubthehad,butforwhichIcannotblamehim。Herose,inspiteofhimself,higherintheschool,butfelleverintodeeperanddeeperdisgracewiththemasters,anddidnotgainintheopinionofthoseboysaboutwhomhewaspersuadedthattheycouldassuredlyneverknowwhatitwastohaveasecretweighingupontheirminds。ThiswaswhatErnestfeltsokeenly;hedidnotmuchcareabouttheboyswholikedhim,andidolisedsomewhokepthimasfaraspossibleatadistance,butthisisprettymuchthecasewithallboyseverywhere。
  Atlastthingsreachedacrisis,belowwhichtheycouldnotverywellgo,forattheendofthehalfyearbutoneafterhisaunt’sdeath,Ernestbroughtbackadocumentinhisportmanteau,whichTheobaldstigmatisedas“infamousandoutrageous。”IneedhardlysayIamalludingtohisschoolbill。
  ThisdocumentwasalwaysasourceofanxietytoErnest,foritwasgoneintowithscrupulouscare,andhewasagooddealcross-
  examinedaboutit。Hewouldsometimes“writein“forarticlesnecessaryforhiseducation,suchasaportfolio,oradictionary,andsellthesame,asIhaveexplained,inordertoekeouthispocketmoney,probablytobuyeithermusicortobacco。Thesefraudsweresometimes,asErnestthought,inimminentdangerofbeingdiscovered,anditwasaloadoffhisbreastwhenthecross-
  examinationwassafelyover。ThistimeTheobaldhadmadeagreatfussabouttheextras,buthadgrudginglypassedthem;itwasanothermatter,however,withthecharacterandthemoralstatistics,withwhichthebillconcluded。
  Thepageonwhichthesedetailsweretobefoundwasasfollows:
  Classics——Idle,listlessandunimproving。
  Mathematics“““
  Divinity“““
  Conductinhouse——Orderly。
  GeneralConduct——Notsatisfactory,onaccountofhisgreatunpunctualityandinattentiontoduties。
  Monthlymeritmoney1s。6d。6d。0d。6d。Total2s。6d。
  Numberofmeritmarks20110Total4
  Numberofpenalmarks2620253025Total126
  Numberofextrapenals96101211Total48
  Irecommendthathispocketmoneybemadetodependuponhismeritmoney。
  S。SKINNER,Headmaster。
  Ernestwasthusindisgracefromthebeginningoftheholidays,butanincidentsoonoccurredwhichledhimintodelinquenciescomparedwithwhichallhisprevioussinswerevenial。
  AmongtheservantsattheRectorywasaremarkablyprettygirlnamedEllen。ShecamefromDevonshire,andwasthedaughterofafishermanwhohadbeendrownedwhenshewasachild。Hermothersetupasmallshopinthevillagewhereherhusbandhadlived,andjustmanagedtomakealiving。Ellenremainedwithhertillshewasfourteen,whenshefirstwentouttoservice。Fouryearslater,whenshewasabouteighteen,butsowellgrownthatshemighthavepassedfortwenty,shehadbeenstronglyrecommendedtoChristina,whowastheninwantofahousemaid,andhadnowbeenatBattersbyabouttwelvemonths。
  AsIhavesaidthegirlwasremarkablypretty;shelookedtheperfectionofhealthandgoodtemper,indeedtherewasasereneexpressionuponherfacewhichcaptivatedalmostallwhosawher;
  shelookedasifmattershadalwaysgonewellwithherandwerealwaysgoingtodoso,andasifnoconceivablecombinationofcircumstancescouldputherforlongtogetheroutoftempereitherwithherselforwithanyoneelse。Hercomplexionwasclear,buthigh;hereyesweregreyandbeautifullyshaped;herlipswerefullandrestful,withsomethingofanEgyptianSphinx-likecharacteraboutthem。WhenIlearnedthatshecamefromDevonshireIfanciedIsawastrainoffarawayEgyptianbloodinher,forIhadheard,thoughIknownotwhatfoundationtherewasforthestory,thattheEgyptiansmadesettlementsonthecoastofDevonshireandCornwalllongbeforetheRomansconqueredBritain。Herhairwasarichbrown,andherfigure——ofaboutthemiddleheight——perfect,buterringifatallonthesideofrobustness。Altogethershewasoneofthosegirlsaboutwhomoneisinclinedtowonderhowtheycanremainunmarriedaweekoradaylonger。