JohnDouglasSpeaksatLastAnnewasnotwithoutafeeblehopethatsomethingmightcomeofitafterall。Butnothingdid。JohnDouglascameandtookJanetdriving,andwalkedhomefromprayer-meetingwithher,ashehadbeendoingfortwentyyears,andasheseemedlikelytodofortwentyyearsmore。Thesummerwaned。Annetaughtherschoolandwrotelettersandstudiedalittle。Herwalkstoandfromschoolwerepleasant。Shealwayswentbywayoftheswamp;itwasalovelyplace——aboggysoil,greenwiththegreenestofmossyhillocks;asilverybrookmeanderedthroughitandsprucesstooderectly,theirboughsa-trailwithgray-greenmosses,theirrootsovergrownwithallsortsofwoodlandlovelinesses。
Nevertheless,AnnefoundlifeinValleyRoadalittlemonotonous。
Tobesure,therewasonedivertingincident。
Shehadnotseenthelank,tow-headedSamuelofthepeppermintssincetheeveningofhiscall,saveforchancemeetingsontheroad。
ButonewarmAugustnightheappeared,andsolemnlyseatedhimselfontherusticbenchbytheporch。Heworehisusualworkinghabiliments,consistingofvaripatchedtrousers,abluejeanshirt,outattheelbows,andaraggedstrawhat。HewaschewingastrawandhekeptonchewingitwhilehelookedsolemnlyatAnne。Annelaidherbookasidewithasighandtookupherdoily。ConversationwithSamwasreallyoutofthequestion。
AfteralongsilenceSamsuddenlyspoke。
"I’mleavingoverthere,"hesaidabruptly,wavinghisstrawinthedirectionoftheneighboringhouse。
"Oh,areyou?"saidAnnepolitely。
"Yep。"
"Andwhereareyougoingnow?"
"Wall,I’vebeenthinkingsomeofgittingaplaceofmyown。
There’sonethat’dsuitmeoveratMillersville。ButefIrentsitI’llwantawoman。"
"Isupposeso,"saidAnnevaguely。
"Yep。"
Therewasanotherlongsilence。FinallySamremovedhisstrawagainandsaid,"Willyehhevme?"
"Wh——a——t!"gaspedAnne。
"Willyehhevme?"
"Doyoumean——MARRYyou?"queriedpoorAnnefeebly。
"Yep。"
"Why,I’mhardlyacquaintedwithyou,"criedAnneindignantly。
"Butyeh’dgitacquaintedwithmeafterwewasmarried,"saidSam。
Annegatheredupherpoordignity。
"CertainlyIwon’tmarryyou,"shesaidhaughtily。
"Wall,yehmightdoworse,"expostulatedSam。"I’magoodworkerandI’vegotsomemoneyinthebank。"
"Don’tspeakofthistomeagain。Whateverputsuchanideaintoyourhead?"saidAnne,hersenseofhumorgettingthebetterofherwrath。Itwassuchanabsurdsituation。
"Yeh’realikely-lookinggirlandhevaright-smartwayo’stepping,"
saidSam。"Idon’twantnolazywoman。Thinkitover。Iwon’tchangemymindyitawhile。Wall,Imustbegitting。Gottermilkthecows。"
Anne’sillusionsconcerningproposalshadsufferedsomuchoflateyearsthattherewerefewofthemleft。Soshecouldlaughwholeheartedlyoverthisone,notfeelinganysecretsting。ShemimickedpoorSamtoJanetthatnight,andbothofthemlaughedimmoderatelyoverhisplungeintosentiment。
Oneafternoon,whenAnne’ssojourninValleyRoadwasdrawingtoaclose,AlecWardcamedrivingdownto"Wayside"inhothasteforJanet。
"TheywantyouattheDouglasplacequick,"hesaid。"IreallybelieveoldMrs。Douglasisgoingtodieatlast,afterpretendingtodoitfortwentyyears。"
Janetrantogetherhat。AnneaskedifMrs。Douglaswasworsethanusual。
"She’snothalfasbad,"saidAlecsolemnly,"andthat’swhatmakesmethinkit’sserious。Othertimesshe’dbescreamingandthrowingherselfallovertheplace。Thistimeshe’slyingstillandmum。WhenMrs。Douglasismumsheisprettysick,youbet。"
"Youdon’tlikeoldMrs。Douglas?"saidAnnecuriously。
"IlikecatsasIScats。Idon’tlikecatsasiswomen,"wasAlec’scrypticreply。
Janetcamehomeinthetwilight。
"Mrs。Douglasisdead,"shesaidwearily。"ShediedsoonafterIgotthere。Shejustspoketomeonce——`Isupposeyou’llmarryJohnnow?’shesaid。Itcutmetotheheart,Anne。
TothinkJohn’sownmotherthoughtIwouldn’tmarryhimbecauseofher!Icouldn’tsayawordeither——therewereotherwomenthere。IwasthankfulJohnhadgoneout。"
Janetbegantocrydrearily。ButAnnebrewedherahotdrinkofgingerteatohercomforting。Tobesure,Annediscoveredlateronthatshehadusedwhitepepperinsteadofginger;butJanetneverknewthedifference。
TheeveningafterthefuneralJanetandAnneweresittingonthefrontporchstepsatsunset。Thewindhadfallenasleepinthepinelandsandluridsheetsofheat-lightningflickeredacrossthenorthernskies。Janetworeheruglyblackdressandlookedherveryworst,hereyesandnoseredfromcrying。Theytalkedlittle,forJanetseemedfaintlytoresentAnne’seffortstocheerherup。Sheplainlypreferredtobemiserable。
Suddenlythegate-latchclickedandJohnDouglasstrodeintothegarden。Hewalkedtowardsthemstraightoverthegeraniumbed。
Janetstoodup。SodidAnne。Annewasatallgirlandworeawhitedress;butJohnDouglasdidnotseeher。
"Janet,"hesaid,"willyoumarryme?"
ThewordsburstoutasiftheyhadbeenwantingtobesaidfortwentyyearsandMUSTbeutterednow,beforeanythingelse。
Janet’sfacewassoredfromcryingthatitcouldn’tturnanyredder,soitturnedamostunbecomingpurple。
"Whydidn’tyouaskmebefore?"shesaidslowly。
"Icouldn’t。Shemademepromisenotto——mothermademepromisenotto。Nineteenyearsagoshetookaterriblespell。
Wethoughtshecouldn’tlivethroughit。Sheimploredmetopromisenottoaskyoutomarrymewhileshewasalive。Ididn’twanttopromisesuchathing,eventhoughweallthoughtshecouldn’tliveverylong——thedoctoronlygavehersixmonths。
Butshebeggeditonherknees,sickandsuffering。Ihadtopromise。"
"Whathadyourmotheragainstme?"criedJanet。
"Nothing——nothing。Shejustdidn’twantanotherwoman——ANYwoman——therewhileshewasliving。ShesaidifI
didn’tpromiseshe’ddierightthereandI’dhavekilledher。
SoIpromised。Andshe’sheldmetothatpromiseeversince,thoughI’vegoneonmykneestoherinmyturntobeghertoletmeff。"
"Whydidn’tyoutellmethis?"askedJanetchokingly。
"IfI’donlyKNOWN!Whydidn’tyoujusttellme?"
"ShemademepromiseIwouldn’ttellasoul,"saidJohnhoarsely。
"ShesworemetoitontheBible;Janet,I’dneverhavedoneitifI’ddreameditwastobeforsolong。Janet,you’llneverknowwhatI’vesufferedthesenineteenyears。IknowI’vemadeyousuffer,too,butyou’llmarrymeforall,won’tyou,Janet?
Oh,Janet,won’tyou?I’vecomeassoonasIcouldtoaskyou。"
AtthismomentthestupefiedAnnecametohersensesandrealizedthatshehadnobusinesstobethere。SheslippedawayanddidnotseeJanetuntilthenextmorning,whenthelattertoldhertherestofthestory。
"Thatcruel,relentless,deceitfuloldwoman!"criedAnne。
"Hush——she’sdead,"saidJanetsolemnly。"Ifshewasn’t——butsheIS。
Sowemustn’tspeakevilofher。ButI’mhappyatlast,Anne。AndI
wouldn’thavemindedwaitingsolongabitifI’donlyknownwhy。"
"Whenareyoutobemarried?"
"Nextmonth。Ofcourseitwillbeveryquiet。Isupposepeoplewilltalkterrible。They’llsayImadeenoughhastetosnapJohnupassoonashispoormotherwasoutoftheway。JohnwantedtoletthemknowthetruthbutIsaid,`No,John;afterallshewasyourmother,andwe’llkeepthesecretbetweenus,andnotcastanyshadowonhermemory。Idon’tmindwhatpeoplesay,nowthatIknowthetruthmyself。Itdon’tmatteramite。Letitallbeburiedwiththedead’saysItohim。SoIcoaxedhimroundtoagreewithme。"
"You’remuchmoreforgivingthanIcouldeverbe,"Annesaid,rathercrossly。
"You’llfeeldifferentlyaboutagoodmanythingswhenyougettobemyage,"saidJanettolerantly。"That’soneofthethingswelearnaswegrowolder——howtoforgive。Itcomeseasieratfortythanitdidattwenty。"
ChapterXXXV
TheLastRedmondYearOpens"Hereweare,allbackagain,nicelysunburnedandrejoicingasastrongmantorunarace,"saidPhil,sittingdownonasuitcasewithasighofpleasure。"Isn’titjollytoseethisdearoldPatty’sPlaceagain——andAunty——andthecats?Rustyhaslostanotherpieceofear,hasn’the?"
"Rustywouldbethenicestcatintheworldifhehadnoearsatall,"
declaredAnneloyallyfromhertrunk,whileRustywrithedaboutherlapinafrenzyofwelcome。
"Aren’tyougladtoseeusback,Aunty?"demandedPhil。
"Yes。ButIwishyou’dtidythingsup,"saidAuntJamesinaplaintively,lookingatthewildernessoftrunksandsuitcasesbywhichthefourlaughing,chatteringgirlsweresurrounded。"Youcantalkjustaswelllateron。WorkfirstandthenplayusedtobemymottowhenIwasagirl。"
"Oh,we’vejustreversedthatinthisgeneration,Aunty。
OURmottoisplayyourplayandthendigin。Youcandoyourworksomuchbetterifyou’vehadagoodboutofplayfirst。"
"Ifyouaregoingtomarryaminister,"saidAuntJamesina,pickingupJosephandherknittingandresigningherselftotheinevitablewiththecharminggracethatmadeherthequeenofhousemothers,"youwillhavetogiveupsuchexpressionsas`digin。’"
"Why?"moanedPhil。"Oh,whymustaminister’swifebesupposedtoutteronlyprunesandprisms?Ishan’t。EverybodyonPattersonStreetusesslang——thatistosay,metaphoricallanguage——andifIdidn’ttheywouldthinkmeinsufferablyproudandstuckup。"
"Haveyoubrokenthenewstoyourfamily?"askedPriscilla,feedingtheSarah-catbitsfromherlunchbasket。
Philnodded。
"Howdidtheytakeit?"
"Oh,motherrampaged。ButIstoodrockfirm——evenI,PhilippaGordon,whoneverbeforecouldholdfasttoanything。Fatherwascalmer。
Father’sowndaddywasaminister,soyouseehehasasoftspotinhisheartforthecloth。IhadJouptoMountHolly,aftermothergrewcalm,andtheybothlovedhim。Butmothergavehimsomefrightfulhintsineveryconversationregardingwhatshehadhopedforme。Oh,myvacationpathwayhasn’tbeenexactlystrewnwithroses,girlsdear。
But——I’vewonoutandI’vegotJo。Nothingelsematters。"
"Toyou,"saidAuntJamesinadarkly。
"NortoJo,either,"retortedPhil。"Youkeeponpityinghim。
Why,pray?Ithinkhe’stobeenvied。He’sgettingbrains,beauty,andaheartofgoldinME。"
"It’swellweknowhowtotakeyourspeeches,"saidAuntJamesinapatiently。"Ihopeyoudon’ttalklikethatbeforestrangers。
Whatwouldtheythink?"
"Oh,Idon’twanttoknowwhattheythink。Idon’twanttoseemyselfasothersseeme。I’msureitwouldbehorriblyuncomfortablemostofthetime。Idon’tbelieveBurnswasreallysincereinthatprayer,either。"
"Oh,Idaresayweallprayforsomethingsthatwereallydon’twant,ifwewereonlyhonestenoughtolookintoourhearts,"
ownedAuntJamesinacandidly。"I’veanotionthatsuchprayersdon’triseveryfar。_I_usedtopraythatImightbeenabledtoforgiveacertainperson,butIknownowIreallydidn’twanttoforgiveher。WhenIfinallygotthatIDIDwanttoIforgaveherwithouthavingtoprayaboutit。"
"Ican’tpictureyouasbeingunforgivingforlong,"saidStella。
"Oh,Iusedtobe。Butholdingspitedoesn’tseemworthwhilewhenyougetalonginyears。"
"Thatremindsme,"saidAnne,andtoldthetaleofJohnandJanet。
"Andnowtellusaboutthatromanticsceneyouhintedsodarklyatinoneofyourletters,"demandedPhil。
AnneactedoutSamuel’sproposalwithgreatspirit。ThegirlsshriekedwithlaughterandAuntJamesinasmiled。
"Itisn’tingoodtastetomakefunofyourbeaux,"shesaidseverely;"but,"sheaddedcalmly,"Ialwaysdiditmyself。"
"Tellusaboutyourbeaux,Aunty,"entreatedPhil。"Youmusthavehadanynumberofthem。"
"They’renotinthepasttense,"retortedAuntJamesina。
"I’vegotthemyet。Therearethreeoldwidowersathomewhohavebeencastingsheep’seyesatmeforsometime。
Youchildrenneedn’tthinkyouownalltheromanceintheworld。"
"Widowersandsheep’seyesdon’tsoundveryromantic,Aunty。"
"Well,no;butyoungfolksaren’talwaysromanticeither。
Someofmybeauxcertainlyweren’t。Iusedtolaughatthemscandalous,poorboys。TherewasJimElwood——hewasalwaysinasortofday-dream——neverseemedtosensewhatwasgoingon。
Hedidn’twakeuptothefactthatI’dsaid`no’tillayearafterI’dsaidit。Whenhedidgetmarriedhiswifefelloutofthesleighonenightwhentheyweredrivinghomefromchurchandhenevermissedher。ThentherewasDanWinston。Heknewtoomuch。
Hekneweverythinginthisworldandmostofwhatisinthenext。
Hecouldgiveyouananswertoanyquestion,evenifyouaskedhimwhentheJudgmentDaywastobe。MiltonEdwardswasrealniceandIlikedhimbutIdidn’tmarryhim。Foronething,hetookaweektogetajokethroughhishead,andforanotherheneveraskedme。
HoratioReevewasthemostinterestingbeauIeverhad。Butwhenhetoldastoryhedresseditupsothatyoucouldn’tseeitforfrills。
Inevercoulddecidewhetherhewaslyingorjustlettinghisimaginationrunloose。"
"Andwhatabouttheothers,Aunty?"
"Goawayandunpack,"saidAuntJamesina,wavingJosephatthembymistakeforaneedle。"Theothersweretoonicetomakefunof。
Ishallrespecttheirmemory。There’saboxofflowersinyourroom,Anne。Theycameaboutanhourago。"
AfterthefirstweekthegirlsofPatty’sPlacesettleddowntoasteadygrindofstudy;forthiswastheirlastyearatRedmondandgraduationhonorsmustbefoughtforpersistently。AnnedevotedherselftoEnglish,Priscillaporedoverclassics,andPhilippapoundedawayatMathematics。Sometimestheygrewtired,sometimestheyfeltdiscouraged,sometimesnothingseemedworththestruggleforit。InonesuchmoodStellawandereduptotheblueroomonerainyNovemberevening。Annesatonthefloorinalittlecircleoflightcastbythelampbesideher,amidasurroundingsnowofcrumpledmanuscript。
"Whatintheworldareyoudoing?"
"JustlookingoversomeoldStoryClubyarns。IwantedsomethingtocheerANDinebriate。I’dstudieduntiltheworldseemedazure。
SoIcameuphereanddugtheseoutofmytrunk。Theyaresodrenchedintearsandtragedythattheyareexcruciatinglyfunny。"
"I’mblueanddiscouragedmyself,"saidStella,throwingherselfonthecouch。"Nothingseemsworthwhile。Myverythoughtsareold。I’vethoughtthemallbefore。Whatistheuseoflivingafterall,Anne?"
"Honey,it’sjustbrainfagthatmakesusfeelthatway,andtheweather。
Apouringrainynightlikethis,comingafterahardday’sgrind,wouldsquelchanyonebutaMarkTapley。YouknowitISworthwhiletolive。"
"Oh,Isupposeso。ButIcan’tproveittomyselfjustnow。"
"Justthinkofallthegreatandnoblesoulswhohavelivedandworkedintheworld,"saidAnnedreamily。"Isn’titworthwhiletocomeafterthemandinheritwhattheywonandtaught?Isn’titworthwhiletothinkwecansharetheirinspiration?Andthen,allthegreatsoulsthatwillcomeinthefuture?Isn’titworthwhiletoworkalittleandpreparethewayforthem——
makejustonestepintheirpatheasier?"
"Oh,mymindagreeswithyou,Anne。Butmysoulremainsdolefulanduninspired。I’malwaysgrubbyanddingyonrainynights。"
"SomenightsIliketherain——Iliketolieinbedandhearitpatteringontheroofanddriftingthroughthepines。"
"Ilikeitwhenitstaysontheroof,"saidStella。"Itdoesn’talways。Ispentagruesomenightinanoldcountryfarmhouselastsummer。Theroofleakedandtheraincamepatteringdownonmybed。TherewasnopoetryinTHAT。Ihadtogetupinthe`mirkmidnight’andchivyroundtopullthebedsteadoutofthedrip——anditwasoneofthosesolid,old-fashionedbedsthatweighaton——moreorless。Andthenthatdrip-drop,drip-dropkeptupallnightuntilmynervesjustwenttopieces。You’venoideawhataneerienoiseagreatdropofrainfallingwithamushythudonabarefloormakesinthenight。Itsoundslikeghostlyfootstepsandallthatsortofthing。Whatareyoulaughingover,Anne?"
"Thesestories。AsPhilwouldsaytheyarekilling——inmoresensesthanone,foreverybodydiedinthem。Whatdazzlinglylovelyheroineswehad——andhowwedressedthem!Silks——satins——velvets——jewels——laces——theyneverworeanythingelse。HereisoneofJaneAndrews’
storiesdepictingherheroineassleepinginabeautifulwhitesatinnightdresstrimmedwithseedpearls。"
"Goon,"saidStella。"Ibegintofeelthatlifeisworthlivingaslongasthere’salaughinit。"
"Here’soneIwrote。Myheroineisdisportingherselfataball`glitteringfromheadtofootwithlargediamondsofthefirstwater。’Butwhatbootedbeautyorrichattire?`Thepathsofgloryleadbuttothegrave。’Theymusteitherbemurderedordieofabrokenheart。Therewasnoescapeforthem。"
"Letmereadsomeofyourstories。"
"Well,here’smymasterpiece。Noteitscheerfultitle——`MyGraves。’
Ishedquartsoftearswhilewritingit,andtheothergirlsshedgallonswhileIreadit。JaneAndrews’motherscoldedherfrightfullybecauseshehadsomanyhandkerchiefsinthewashthatweek。It’saharrowingtaleofthewanderingsofaMethodistminister’swife。ImadeheraMethodistbecauseitwasnecessarythatsheshouldwander。Sheburiedachildeveryplaceshelivedin。Therewerenineofthemandtheirgraveswereseveredfarapart,rangingfromNewfoundlandtoVancouver。
Idescribedthechildren,picturedtheirseveraldeathbeds,anddetailedtheirtombstonesandepitaphs。IhadintendedtoburythewholeninebutwhenIhaddisposedofeightmyinventionofhorrorsgaveoutandIpermittedtheninthtoliveasahopelesscripple。"
WhileStellareadMyGraves,punctuatingitstragicparagraphswithchuckles,andRustysleptthesleepofajustcatwhohasbeenoutallnightcurleduponaJaneAndrewstaleofabeautifulmaidenoffifteenwhowenttonurseinalepercolony——ofcoursedyingoftheloathsomediseasefinally——AnneglancedovertheothermanuscriptsandrecalledtheolddaysatAvonleaschoolwhenthemembersoftheStoryClub,sittingunderthesprucetreesordownamongthefernsbythebrook,hadwrittenthem。Whatfuntheyhadhad!
Howthesunshineandmirthofthoseoldensummersreturnedassheread。
NotalltheglorythatwasGreeceorthegrandeurthatwasRomecouldweavesuchwizardryasthosefunny,tearfultalesoftheStoryClub。
AmongthemanuscriptsAnnefoundonewrittenonsheetsofwrappingpaper。
Awaveoflaughterfilledhergrayeyesassherecalledthetimeandplaceofitsgenesis。ItwasthesketchshehadwrittenthedayshefellthroughtheroofoftheCobbduckhouseontheToryRoad。
Anneglancedoverit,thenfelltoreadingitintently。Itwasalittledialoguebetweenastersandsweet-peas,wildcanariesinthelilacbush,andtheguardianspiritofthegarden。Aftershehadreadit,shesat,staringintospace;andwhenStellahadgoneshesmoothedoutthecrumpledmanuscript。
"IbelieveIwill,"shesaidresolutely。
ChapterXXXVI
TheGardners’Call"HereisaletterwithanIndianstampforyou,AuntJimsie,"
saidPhil。"HerearethreeforStella,andtwoforPris,andagloriousfatoneformefromJo。There’snothingforyou,Anne,exceptacircular。"
NobodynoticedAnne’sflushasshetookthethinletterPhiltossedhercarelessly。ButafewminuteslaterPhillookeduptoseeatransfiguredAnne。
"Honey,whatgoodthinghashappened?"
"TheYouth’sFriendhasacceptedalittlesketchIsentthemafortnightago,"saidAnne,tryinghardtospeakasifshewereaccustomedtohavingsketchesacceptedeverymail,butnotquitesucceeding。
"AnneShirley!Howglorious!Whatwasit?Whenisittobepublished?Didtheypayyouforit?"
"Yes;they’vesentacheckfortendollars,andtheeditorwritesthathewouldliketoseemoreofmywork。Dearman,heshall。
ItwasanoldsketchIfoundinmybox。Ire-wroteitandsentitin——butIneverreallythoughtitcouldbeacceptedbecauseithadnoplot,"saidAnne,recallingthebitterexperienceofAveril’sAtonement。
"Whatareyougoingtodowiththattendollars,Anne?Let’sallgouptownandgetdrunk,"suggestedPhil。
"IAMgoingtosquanderitinawildsoullessrevelofsomesort,"
declaredAnnegaily。"Atalleventsitisn’ttaintedmoney——
likethecheckIgotforthathorribleReliableBakingPowderstory。
IspentITusefullyforclothesandhatedthemeverytimeIputthemon。"
"ThinkofhavingarealliveauthoratPatty’sPlace,"saidPriscilla。
"It’sagreatresponsibility,"saidAuntJamesinasolemnly。
"Indeeditis,"agreedPriswithequalsolemnity。"Authorsarekittlecattle。Youneverknowwhenorhowtheywillbreakout。
Annemaymakecopyofus。"
"ImeantthattheabilitytowriteforthePresswasagreatresponsibility,"saidAuntJamesinaseverely。"andIhopeAnnerealizes,it。Mydaughterusedtowritestoriesbeforeshewenttotheforeignfield,butnowshehasturnedherattentiontohigherthings。Sheusedtosayhermottowas`Neverwritealineyouwouldbeashamedtoreadatyourownfuneral。’You’dbettertakethatforyours,Anne,ifyouaregoingtoembarkinliterature。
Though,tobesure,"addedAuntJamesinaperplexedly,"Elizabethalwaysusedtolaughwhenshesaidit。ShealwayslaughedsomuchthatIdon’tknowhowsheevercametodecideonbeingamissionary。
I’mthankfulshedid——Iprayedthatshemight——but——Iwishshehadn’t。"
ThenAuntJamesinawonderedwhythosegiddygirlsalllaughed。
Anne’seyesshoneallthatday;literaryambitionssproutedandbuddedinherbrain;theirexhilarationaccompaniedhertoJennieCooper’swalkingparty,andnoteventhesightofGilbertandChristine,walkingjustaheadofherandRoy,couldquitesubduethesparkleofherstarryhopes。Nevertheless,shewasnotsoraptfromthingsofearthastobeunabletonoticethatChristine’swalkwasdecidedlyungraceful。
"ButIsupposeGilbertlooksonlyatherface。Solikeaman,"
thoughtAnnescornfully。
"ShallyoubehomeSaturdayafternoon?"askedRoy。
"Yes。"
"Mymotherandsistersarecomingtocallonyou,"saidRoyquietly。
SomethingwentoverAnnewhichmightbedescribedasathrill,butitwashardlyapleasantone。ShehadnevermetanyofRoy’sfamily;
sherealizedthesignificanceofhisstatement;andithad,somehow,anirrevocablenessaboutitthatchilledher。
"Ishallbegladtoseethem,"shesaidflatly;andthenwonderedifshereallywouldbeglad。Sheoughttobe,ofcourse。Butwoulditnotbesomethingofanordeal?GossiphadfilteredtoAnneregardingthelightinwhichtheGardnersviewedthe"infatuation"ofsonandbrother。Roymusthavebroughtpressuretobearinthematterofthiscall。Anneknewshewouldbeweighedinthebalance。Fromthefactthattheyhadconsentedtocallsheunderstoodthat,willinglyorunwillingly,theyregardedherasapossiblememberoftheirclan。
"Ishalljustbemyself。IshallnotTRYtomakeagoodimpression,"
thoughtAnneloftily。ButshewaswonderingwhatdressshewouldbetterwearSaturdayafternoon,andifthenewstyleofhighhair-dressingwouldsuitherbetterthantheold;andthewalkingpartywasratherspoiledforher。BynightshehaddecidedthatshewouldwearherbrownchiffononSaturday,butwoulddoherhairlow。
FridayafternoonnoneofthegirlshadclassesatRedmond。
StellatooktheopportunitytowriteapaperforthePhilomathicSociety,andwassittingatthetableinthecorneroftheliving-roomwithanuntidylitterofnotesandmanuscriptontheflooraroundher。Stellaalwaysvowedshenevercouldwriteanythingunlessshethreweachsheetdownasshecompletedit。
Anne,inherflannelblouseandsergeskirt,withherhairratherblownfromherwindywalkhome,wassittingsquarelyinthemiddleofthefloor,teasingtheSarah-catwithawishbone。
JosephandRustywerebothcurledupinherlap。Awarmplummyodorfilledthewholehouse,forPriscillawascookinginthekitchen。Presentlyshecamein,enshroudedinahugework-apron,withasmudgeofflouronhernose,toshowAuntJamesinathechocolatecakeshehadjusticed。
Atthisauspiciousmomenttheknockersounded。NobodypaidanyattentiontoitsavePhil,whosprangupandopenedit,expectingaboywiththehatshehadboughtthatmorning。OnthedoorstepstoodMrs。Gardnerandherdaughters。
Annescrambledtoherfeetsomehow,emptyingtwoindignantcatsoutofherlapasshedidso,andmechanicallyshiftingherwishbonefromherrighthandtoherleft。Priscilla,whowouldhavehadtocrosstheroomtoreachthekitchendoor,lostherhead,wildlyplungedthechocolatecakeunderacushionontheinglenooksofa,anddashedupstairs。Stellabeganfeverishlygatheringuphermanuscript。OnlyAuntJamesinaandPhilremainednormal。Thankstothem,everybodywassoonsittingatease,evenAnne。Priscillacamedown,apronlessandsmudgeless,Stellareducedhercornertodecency,andPhilsavedthesituationbyastreamofreadysmalltalk。
Mrs。Gardnerwastallandthinandhandsome,exquisitelygowned,cordialwithacordialitythatseemedatrifleforced。
AlineGardnerwasayoungereditionofhermother,lackingthecordiality。Sheendeavoredtobenice,butsucceededonlyinbeinghaughtyandpatronizing。DorothyGardnerwasslimandjollyandrathertomboyish。AnneknewshewasRoy’sfavoritesisterandwarmedtoher。ShewouldhavelookedverymuchlikeRoyifshehadhaddreamydarkeyesinsteadofroguishhazelones。ThankstoherandPhil,thecallreallywentoffverywell,exceptforaslightsenseofstrainintheatmosphereandtworatheruntowardincidents。RustyandJoseph,lefttothemselves,beganagameofchase,andsprangmadlyintoMrs。Gardner’ssilkenlapandoutofitintheirwildcareer。
Mrs。Gardnerliftedherlorgnetteandgazedaftertheirflyingformsasifshehadneverseencatsbefore,andAnne,chokingbackslightlynervouslaughter,apologizedasbestshecould。
"Youarefondofcats?"saidMrs。Gardner,withaslightintonationoftolerantwonder。
Anne,despiteheraffectionforRusty,wasnotespeciallyfondofcats,butMrs。Gardner’stoneannoyedher。InconsequentlysherememberedthatMrs。JohnBlythewassofondofcatsthatshekeptasmanyasherhusbandwouldallow。
"TheyAREadorableanimals,aren’tthey?"shesaidwickedly。
"Ihaveneverlikedcats,"saidMrs。Gardnerremotely。
"Ilovethem,"saidDorothy。"Theyaresoniceandselfish。
DogsareTOOgoodandunselfish。Theymakemefeeluncomfortable。
Butcatsaregloriouslyhuman。"
"Youhavetwodelightfuloldchinadogsthere。MayIlookatthemclosely?"saidAline,crossingtheroomtowardsthefireplaceandtherebybecomingtheunconsciouscauseoftheotheraccident。
PickingupMagog,shesatdownonthecushionunderwhichwassecretedPriscilla’schocolatecake。PriscillaandAnneexchangedagonizedglancesbutcoulddonothing。ThestatelyAlinecontinuedtositonthecushionanddiscusschinadogsuntilthetimeofdeparture。
DorothylingeredbehindamomenttosqueezeAnne’shandandwhisperimpulsively。
"IKNOWyouandIaregoingtobechums。Oh,Royhastoldmeallaboutyou。I’mtheonlyoneofthefamilyhetellsthingsto,poorboy——nobodyCOULDconfideinmammaandAline,youknow。
Whatglorioustimesyougirlsmusthavehere!Won’tyouletmecomeoftenandhaveashareinthem?"
"Comeasoftenasyoulike,"Annerespondedheartily,thankfulthatoneofRoy’ssisterswaslikable。ShewouldneverlikeAline,somuchwascertain;andAlinewouldneverlikeher,thoughMrs。Gardnermightbewon。Altogether,Annesighedwithreliefwhentheordealwasover。
"`OfallsadwordsoftongueorpenThesaddestareitmighthavebeen,’"
quotedPriscillatragically,liftingthecushion。"Thiscakeisnowwhatyoumightcallaflatfailure。Andthecushionislikewiseruined。NevertellmethatFridayisn’tunlucky。"
"PeoplewhosendwordtheyarecomingonSaturdayshouldn’tcomeonFriday,"saidAuntJamesina。
"IfancyitwasRoy’smistake,"saidPhil。"Thatboyisn’treallyresponsibleforwhathesayswhenhetalkstoAnne。WhereISAnne?"
Annehadgoneupstairs。Shefeltoddlylikecrying。Butshemadeherselflaughinstead。RustyandJosephhadbeenTOOawful!
AndDorothyWASadear。
ChapterXXXVII
Full-fledgedB。A。’s"IwishIweredead,orthatitweretomorrownight,"groanedPhil。
"Ifyoulivelongenoughbothwisheswillcometrue,"saidAnnecalmly。
"It’seasyforyoutobeserene。You’reathomeinPhilosophy。
I’mnot——andwhenIthinkofthathorriblepapertomorrowIquail。
IfIshouldfailinitwhatwouldJosay?"
"Youwon’tfail。HowdidyougetoninGreektoday?"
"Idon’tknow。PerhapsitwasagoodpaperandperhapsitwasbadenoughtomakeHomerturnoverinhisgrave。I’vestudiedandmulledovernotebooksuntilI’mincapableofforminganopinionofanything。HowthankfullittlePhilwillbewhenallthisexaminatingisover。"
"Examinating?Ineverheardsuchaword。"
"Well,haven’tIasgoodarighttomakeawordasanyoneelse?"
demandedPhil。
"Wordsaren’tmade——theygrow,"saidAnne。
"Nevermind——Ibeginfaintlytodiscernclearwateraheadwherenoexaminationbreakersloom。Girls,doyou——canyourealizethatourRedmondLifeisalmostover?"
"Ican’t,"saidAnne,sorrowfully。"ItseemsjustyesterdaythatPrisandIwerealoneinthatcrowdofFreshmenatRedmond。
AndnowweareSeniorsinourfinalexaminations。"
"`Potent,wise,andreverendSeniors,’"quotedPhil。"DoyousupposewereallyareanywiserthanwhenwecametoRedmond?"
"Youdon’tactasifyouwerebytimes,"saidAuntJamesinaseverely。
"Oh,AuntJimsie,haven’twebeenprettygoodgirls,takeusbyandlarge,thesethreewintersyou’vemotheredus?"pleadedPhil。
"You’vebeenfourofthedearest,sweetest,goodestgirlsthateverwenttogetherthroughcollege,"averredAuntJamesina,whoneverspoiledacomplimentbymisplacedeconomy。
"ButImistrustyouhaven’tanytoomuchsenseyet。It’snottobeexpected,ofcourse。Experienceteachessense。Youcan’tlearnitinacollegecourse。You’vebeentocollegefouryearsandIneverwas,butIknowheapsmorethanyoudo,youngladies。"
"`Therearelotsofthingsthatnevergobyrule,There’sapowerfulpileo’knowledgeThatyounevergetatcollege,Thereareheapsofthingsyouneverlearnatschool,’"
quotedStella。
"HaveyoulearnedanythingatRedmondexceptdeadlanguagesandgeometryandsuchtrash?"queriedAuntJamesina。
"Oh,yes。Ithinkwehave,Aunty,"protestedAnne。
"We’velearnedthetruthofwhatProfessorWoodleightolduslastPhilomathic,"saidPhil。"Hesaid,`Humoristhespiciestcondimentinthefeastofexistence。Laughatyourmistakesbutlearnfromthem,jokeoveryourtroublesbutgatherstrengthfromthem,makeajestofyourdifficultiesbutovercomethem。’
Isn’tthatworthlearning,AuntJimsie?"
"Yes,itis,dearie。Whenyou’velearnedtolaughatthethingsthatshouldbelaughedat,andnottolaughatthosethatshouldn’t,you’vegotwisdomandunderstanding。"
"WhathaveyougotoutofyourRedmondcourse,Anne?"murmuredPriscillaaside。
"Ithink,"saidAnneslowly,"thatIreallyhavelearnedtolookuponeachlittlehindranceasajestandeachgreatoneastheforeshadowingofvictory。Summingup,IthinkthatiswhatRedmondhasgivenme。"
"IshallhavetofallbackonanotherProfessorWoodleighquotationtoexpresswhatithasdoneforme,"saidPriscilla。
"Yourememberthathesaidinhisaddress,`Thereissomuchintheworldforusallifweonlyhavetheeyestoseeit,andthehearttoloveit,andthehandtogatherittoourselves——
somuchinmenandwomen,somuchinartandliterature,somucheverywhereinwhichtodelight,andforwhichtobethankful。’
IthinkRedmondhastaughtmethatinsomemeasure,Anne。"
"Judgingfromwhatyouall,say"remarkedAuntJamesina,"thesumandsubstanceisthatyoucanlearn——ifyou’vegotnaturalgumptionenough——infouryearsatcollegewhatitwouldtakeabouttwentyyearsoflivingtoteachyou。Well,thatjustifieshighereducationinmyopinion。It’samatterIwasalwaysdubiousaboutbefore。"
"Butwhataboutpeoplewhohaven’tnaturalgumption,AuntJimsie?"
"Peoplewhohaven’tnaturalgumptionneverlearn,"retortedAuntJamesina,"neitherincollegenorlife。Iftheylivetobeahundredtheyreallydon’tknowanythingmorethanwhentheywereborn。It’stheirmisfortunenottheirfault,poorsouls。
ButthoseofuswhohavesomegumptionshoulddulythanktheLordforit。"
"Willyoupleasedefinewhatgumptionis,AuntJimsie?"askedPhil。
"No,Iwon’t,youngwoman。Anyonewhohasgumptionknowswhatitis,andanyonewhohasn’tcanneverknowwhatitis。Sothereisnoneedofdefiningit。"
Thebusydaysflewbyandexaminationswereover。AnnetookHighHonorsinEnglish。PriscillatookHonorsinClassics,andPhilinMathematics。Stellaobtainedagoodall-roundshowing。
ThencameConvocation。
"ThisiswhatIwouldoncehavecalledanepochinmylife,"
saidAnne,asshetookRoy’svioletsoutoftheirboxandgazedatthemthoughtfully。Shemeanttocarrythem,ofcourse,buthereyeswanderedtoanotherboxonhertable。Itwasfilledwithlilies-of-the-valley,asfreshandfragrantasthosewhichbloomedintheGreenGablesyardwhenJunecametoAvonlea。
GilbertBlythe’scardlaybesideit。
AnnewonderedwhyGilbertshouldhavesentherflowersforConvocation。
Shehadseenverylittleofhimduringthepastwinter。HehadcometoPatty’sPlaceonlyoneFridayeveningsincetheChristmasholidays,andtheyrarelymetelsewhere。Sheknewhewasstudyingveryhard,aimingatHighHonorsandtheCooperPrize,andhetooklittlepartinthesocialdoingsofRedmond。Anne’sownwinterhadbeenquitegaysocially。ShehadseenagooddealoftheGardners;sheandDorothywereveryintimate;collegecirclesexpectedtheannouncementofherengagementtoRoyanyday。Anneexpecteditherself。YetjustbeforesheleftPatty’sPlaceforConvocationsheflungRoy’svioletsasideandputGilbert’slilies-of-the-valleyintheirplace。
Shecouldnothavetoldwhyshedidit。Somehow,oldAvonleadaysanddreamsandfriendshipsseemedveryclosetoherinthisattainmentofherlong-cherishedambitions。SheandGilberthadoncepicturedoutmerrilythedayonwhichtheyshouldbecappedandgownedgraduatesinArts。ThewonderfuldayhadcomeandRoy’svioletshadnoplaceinit。
Onlyheroldfriend’sflowersseemedtobelongtothisfruitionofold-blossominghopeswhichhehadonceshared。
Foryearsthisdayhadbeckonedandalluredtoher;butwhenitcametheonesingle,keen,abidingmemoryitleftwithherwasnotthatofthebreathlessmomentwhenthestatelypresidentofRedmondgavehercapanddiplomaandhailedherB。A。;itwasnotoftheflashinGilbert’seyeswhenhesawherlilies,northepuzzledpainedglanceRoygaveherashepassedherontheplatform。
ItwasnotofAlineGardner’scondescendingcongratulations,orDorothy’sardent,impulsivegoodwishes。Itwasofonestrange,unaccountablepangthatspoiledthislong-expecteddayforherandleftinitacertainfaintbutenduringflavorofbitterness。
TheArtsgraduatesgaveagraduationdancethatnight。WhenAnnedressedforitshetossedasidethepearlbeadssheusuallyworeandtookfromhertrunkthesmallboxthathadcometoGreenGablesonChristmasday。Initwasathread-likegoldchainwithatinypinkenamelheartasapendant。Ontheaccompanyingcardwaswritten,"Withallgoodwishesfromyouroldchum,Gilbert。"Anne,laughingoverthememorytheenamelheartconjuredupthefataldaywhenGilberthadcalledher"Carrots"andvainlytriedtomakehispeacewithapinkcandyheart,hadwrittenhimanicelittlenoteofthanks。
Butshehadneverwornthetrinket。Tonightshefasteneditaboutherwhitethroatwithadreamysmile。
SheandPhilwalkedtoRedmondtogether。Annewalkedinsilence;
Philchatteredofmanythings。Suddenlyshesaid,"IheardtodaythatGilbertBlythe’sengagementtoChristineStuartwastobeannouncedassoonasConvocationwasover。
Didyouhearanythingofit?"
"No,"saidAnne。
"Ithinkit’strue,"saidPhillightly。
Annedidnotspeak。Inthedarknessshefeltherfaceburning。
Sheslippedherhandinsidehercollarandcaughtatthegoldchain。Oneenergetictwistanditgaveway。Annethrustthebrokentrinketintoherpocket。Herhandsweretremblingandhereyesweresmarting。
Butshewasthegayestofallthegayrevellersthatnight,andtoldGilbertunregretfullythathercardwasfullwhenhecametoaskherforadance。Afterwards,whenshesatwiththegirlsbeforethedyingembersatPatty’sPlace,removingthespringchillinessfromtheirsatinskins,nonechattedmoreblithelythansheoftheday’sevents。
"MoodySpurgeonMacPhersoncalledheretonightafteryouleft,"
saidAuntJamesina,whohadsatuptokeepthefireon。"Hedidn’tknowaboutthegraduationdance。Thatboyoughttosleepwitharubberbandaroundhisheadtotrainhisearsnottostickout。
Ihadabeauoncewhodidthatanditimprovedhimimmensely。
ItwasIwhosuggestedittohimandhetookmyadvice,butheneverforgavemeforit。"
"MoodySpurgeonisaveryseriousyoungman,"yawnedPriscilla。
"Heisconcernedwithgravermattersthanhisears。Heisgoingtobeaminister,youknow。"
"Well,IsupposetheLorddoesn’tregardtheearsofaman,"
saidAuntJamesinagravely,droppingallfurthercriticismofMoodySpurgeon。AuntJamesinahadaproperrespectfortheclotheveninthecaseofanunfledgedparson。
ChapterXXXVIII
FalseDawn"Justimagine——thisnightweekI’llbeinAvonlea——delightfulthought!"
saidAnne,bendingovertheboxinwhichshewaspackingMrs。RachelLynde’squilts。"Butjustimagine——thisnightweekI’llbegoneforeverfromPatty’sPlace——horriblethought!"
"IwonderiftheghostofallourlaughterwillechothroughthemaidendreamsofMissPattyandMissMaria,"speculatedPhil。
MissPattyandMissMariawerecominghome,afterhavingtrottedovermostofthehabitableglobe。
"We’llbebackthesecondweekinMay"wroteMissPatty。"IexpectPatty’sPlacewillseemrathersmallaftertheHalloftheKingsatKarnak,butIneverdidlikebigplacestolivein。AndI’llbegladenoughtobehomeagain。Whenyoustarttravelinglateinlifeyou’reapttodotoomuchofitbecauseyouknowyouhaven’tmuchtimeleft,andit’sathingthatgrowsonyou。I’mafraidMariawillneverbecontentedagain。"
"Ishallleaveheremyfanciesanddreamstoblessthenextcomer,"
saidAnne,lookingaroundtheblueroomwistfully——herprettyblueroomwhereshehadspentthreesuchhappyyears。Shehadkneltatitswindowtoprayandhadbentfromittowatchthesunsetbehindthepines。Shehadheardtheautumnraindropsbeatingagainstitandhadwelcomedthespringrobinsatitssill。Shewonderedifolddreamscouldhauntrooms——if,whenoneleftforevertheroomwhereshehadjoyedandsufferedandlaughedandwept,somethingofher,intangibleandinvisible,yetnonethelessreal,didnotremainbehindlikeavoicefulmemory。
"Ithink,"saidPhil,"thataroomwhereonedreamsandgrievesandrejoicesandlivesbecomesinseparablyconnectedwiththoseprocessesandacquiresapersonalityofitsown。IamsureifI
cameintothisroomfiftyyearsfromnowitwouldsay’Anne,Anne’
tome。Whatnicetimeswe’vehadhere,honey!Whatchatsandjokesandgoodchummyjamborees!Oh,dearme!I’mtomarryJoinJuneandIknowIwillberapturouslyhappy。ButjustnowIfeelasifIwantedthislovelyRedmondlifetogoonforever。"
"I’munreasonableenoughjustnowtowishthat,too,"admittedAnne。
"Nomatterwhatdeeperjoysmaycometouslateronwe’llneveragainhavejustthesamedelightful,irresponsibleexistencewe’vehadhere。
It’soverforever,Phil。"