"WhatareyougoingtodowithRusty?"askedPhil,asthatprivilegedpussypaddedintotheroom。
"IamgoingtotakehimhomewithmeandJosephandtheSarah-cat,"
announcedAuntJamesina,followingRusty。"Itwouldbeashametoseparatethosecatsnowthattheyhavelearnedtolivetogether。
It’sahardlessonforcatsandhumanstolearn。"
"I’msorrytopartwithRusty,"saidAnneregretfully,"butitwouldbenousetotakehimtoGreenGables。Marilladetestscats,andDavywouldteasehislifeout。Besides,Idon’tsupposeI’llbehomeverylong。I’vebeenofferedtheprincipalshipoftheSummersideHighSchool。"
"Areyougoingtoacceptit?"askedPhil。
"I——Ihaven’tdecidedyet,"answeredAnne,withaconfusedflush。
Philnoddedunderstandingly。NaturallyAnne’splanscouldnotbesettleduntilRoyhadspoken。Hewouldsoon——therewasnodoubtofthat。AndtherewasnodoubtthatAnnewouldsay"yes"whenhesaid"Willyouplease?"Anneherselfregardedthestateofaffairswithaseldom-ruffledcomplacency。ShewasdeeplyinlovewithRoy。
True,itwasnotjustwhatshehadimaginedlovetobe。Butwasanythinginlife,Anneaskedherselfwearily,likeone’simaginationofit?Itwastheolddiamonddisillusionofchildhoodrepeated——
thesamedisappointmentshehadfeltwhenshehadfirstseenthechillsparkleinsteadofthepurplesplendorshehadanticipated。
"That’snotmyideaofadiamond,"shehadsaid。ButRoywasadearfellowandtheywouldbeveryhappytogether,evenifsomeindefinablezestwasmissingoutoflife。WhenRoycamedownthateveningandaskedAnnetowalkintheparkeveryoneatPatty’sPlaceknewwhathehadcometosay;andeveryoneknew,orthoughttheyknew,whatAnne’sanswerwouldbe。
"Anneisaveryfortunategirl,"saidAuntJamesina。
"Isupposeso,"saidStella,shrugginghershoulders。"Royisanicefellowandallthat。Butthere’sreallynothinginhim。"
"Thatsoundsverylikeajealousremark,StellaMaynard,"saidAuntJamesinarebukingly。
"Itdoes——butIamnotjealous,"saidStellacalmly。"IloveAnneandIlikeRoy。Everybodysayssheismakingabrilliantmatch,andevenMrs。Gardnerthinkshercharmingnow。Itallsoundsasifitweremadeinheaven,butIhavemydoubts。
Makethemostofthat,AuntJamesina。"
RoyaskedAnnetomarryhiminthelittlepavilionontheharborshorewheretheyhadtalkedontherainydayoftheirfirstmeeting。
Annethoughtitveryromanticthatheshouldhavechosenthatspot。
Andhisproposalwasasbeautifullywordedasifhehadcopiedit,asoneofRubyGillis’lovershaddone,outofaDeportmentofCourtshipandMarriage。Thewholeeffectwasquiteflawless。
Anditwasalsosincere。TherewasnodoubtthatRoymeantwhathesaid。Therewasnofalsenotetojarthesymphony。
Annefeltthatsheoughttobethrillingfromheadtofoot。
Butshewasn’t;shewashorriblycool。WhenRoypausedforhisanswersheopenedherlipstosayherfatefulyes。
Andthen——shefoundherselftremblingasifshewerereelingbackfromaprecipice。Tohercameoneofthosemomentswhenwerealize,asbyablindingflashofillumination,morethanallourpreviousyearshavetaughtus。ShepulledherhandfromRoy’s。
"Oh,Ican’tmarryyou——Ican’t——Ican’t,"shecried,wildly。
Royturnedpale——andalsolookedratherfoolish。Hehad——
smallblametohim——feltverysure。
"Whatdoyoumean?"hestammered。
"ImeanthatIcan’tmarryyou,"repeatedAnnedesperately。
"IthoughtIcould——butIcan’t。"
"Whycan’tyou?"Royaskedmorecalmly。
"Because——Idon’tcareenoughforyou。"
AcrimsonstreakcameintoRoy’sface。
"Soyou’vejustbeenamusingyourselfthesetwoyears?"hesaidslowly。
"No,no,Ihaven’t,"gaspedpoorAnne。Oh,howcouldsheexplain?
SheCOULDN’Texplain。Therearesomethingsthatcannotbeexplained。
"IdidthinkIcared——trulyIdid——butIknownowIdon’t。"
"Youhaveruinedmylife,"saidRoybitterly。
"Forgiveme,"pleadedAnnemiserably,withhotcheeksandstingingeyes。
Royturnedawayandstoodforafewminuteslookingoutseaward。
WhenhecamebacktoAnne,hewasverypaleagain。
"Youcangivemenohope?"hesaid。
Anneshookherheadmutely。
"Then——good-bye,"saidRoy。"Ican’tunderstandit——I
can’tbelieveyouarenotthewomanI’vebelievedyoutobe。
Butreproachesareidlebetweenus。YouaretheonlywomanIcaneverlove。Ithankyouforyourfriendship,atleast。
Good-bye,Anne。"
"Good-bye,"falteredAnne。WhenRoyhadgoneshesatforalongtimeinthepavilion,watchingawhitemistcreepingsubtlyandremorselesslylandwarduptheharbor。Itwasherhourofhumiliationandself-contemptandshame。Theirwaveswentoverher。Andyet,underneathitall,wasaqueersenseofrecoveredfreedom。
SheslippedintoPatty’sPlaceintheduskandescapedtoherroom。
ButPhilwasthereonthewindowseat。
"Wait,"saidAnne,flushingtoanticipatethescene。"WaittilyouhearwhatIhavetosay。Phil,Royaskedmetomarryhim-andIrefused。"
"You——youREFUSEDhim?"saidPhilblankly。
"Yes。"
"AnneShirley,areyouinyoursenses?"
"Ithinkso,"saidAnnewearily。"Oh,Phil,don’tscoldme。
Youdon’tunderstand。"
"Icertainlydon’tunderstand。You’veencouragedRoyGardnerineverywayfortwoyears——andnowyoutellmeyou’verefusedhim。
Thenyou’vejustbeenflirtingscandalouslywithhim。Anne,I
couldn’thavebelieveditofYOU。"
"IWASN’Tflirtingwithhim——IhonestlythoughtIcareduptothelastminute——andthen——well,IjustknewINEVERcouldmarryhim。"
"Isuppose,"saidPhilcruelly,"thatyouintendedtomarryhimforhismoney,andthenyourbetterselfroseupandpreventedyou。"
"IDIDN’T。Ineverthoughtabouthismoney。Oh,Ican’texplainittoyouanymorethanIcouldtohim。"
"Well,IcertainlythinkyouhavetreatedRoyshamefully,"saidPhilinexasperation。"He’shandsomeandcleverandrichandgood。
Whatmoredoyouwant?"
"IwantsomeonewhoBELONGSinmylife。Hedoesn’t。Iwassweptoffmyfeetatfirstbyhisgoodlooksandknackofpayingromanticcompliments;andlateronIthoughtIMUSTbeinlovebecausehewasmydark-eyedideal。"
"Iambadenoughfornotknowingmyownmind,butyouareworse,"
saidPhil。
"_I_DOknowmyownmind,"protestedAnne。"Thetroubleis,mymindchangesandthenIhavetogetacquaintedwithitalloveragain。"
"Well,Isupposethereisnouseinsayinganythingtoyou。"
"Thereisnoneed,Phil。I’minthedust。Thishasspoiledeverythingbackwards。IcanneverthinkofRedmonddayswithoutrecallingthehumiliationofthisevening。Roydespisesme——
andyoudespiseme——andIdespisemyself。"
"Youpoordarling,"saidPhil,melting。"Justcomehereandletmecomfortyou。I’venorighttoscoldyou。I’dhavemarriedAlecorAlonzoifIhadn’tmetJo。Oh,Anne,thingsaresomixed-upinreallife。Theyaren’tclear-cutandtrimmedoff,astheyareinnovels。"
"IhopethatNOonewilleveragainaskmetomarryhimaslongasIlive,"sobbedpoorAnne,devoutlybelievingthatshemeantit。
ChapterXXXIX
DealswithWeddingsAnnefeltthatlifepartookofthenatureofananticlimaxduringthefirstfewweeksafterherreturntoGreenGables。ShemissedthemerrycomradeshipofPatty’sPlace。Shehaddreamedsomebrilliantdreamsduringthepastwinterandnowtheylayinthedustaroundher。Inherpresentmoodofself-disgust,shecouldnotimmediatelybegindreamingagain。Andshediscoveredthat,whilesolitudewithdreamsisglorious,solitudewithoutthemhasfewcharms。
ShehadnotseenRoyagainaftertheirpainfulpartingintheparkpavilion;butDorothycametoseeherbeforesheleftKingsport。
"I’mawfullysorryyouwon’tmarryRoy,"shesaid。"Ididwantyouforasister。Butyouarequiteright。Hewouldboreyoutodeath。
Ilovehim,andheisadearsweetboy,butreallyheisn’tabitinteresting。Helooksasifheoughttobe,butheisn’t。"
"Thiswon’tspoilOURfriendship,willit,Dorothy?"Annehadaskedwistfully。
"No,indeed。You’retoogoodtolose。IfIcan’thaveyouforasisterImeantokeepyouasachumanyway。Anddon’tfretoverRoy。Heisfeelingterriblyjustnow——Ihavetolistentohisoutpouringseveryday——buthe’llgetoverit。Healwaysdoes。"
"Oh——ALWAYS?"saidAnnewithaslightchangeofvoice。
"Sohehas`gotoverit’before?"
"Dearme,yes,"saidDorothyfrankly。"Twicebefore。Andheravedtomejustthesamebothtimes。Notthattheothersactuallyrefusedhim——theysimplyannouncedtheirengagementstosomeoneelse。Ofcourse,whenhemetyouhevowedtomethathehadneverreallylovedbefore——thatthepreviousaffairshadbeenmerelyboyishfancies。ButIdon’tthinkyouneedworry。"
Annedecidednottoworry。Herfeelingswereamixtureofreliefandresentment。Royhadcertainlytoldhershewastheonlyonehehadeverloved。Nodoubthebelievedit。Butitwasacomforttofeelthatshehadnot,inalllikelihood,ruinedhislife。
Therewereothergoddesses,andRoy,accordingtoDorothy,mustneedsbeworshippingatsomeshrine。Nevertheless,lifewasstrippedofseveralmoreillusions,andAnnebegantothinkdrearilythatitseemedratherbare。
Shecamedownfromtheporchgableontheeveningofherreturnwithasorrowfulface。
"WhathashappenedtotheoldSnowQueen,Marilla?"
"Oh,Iknewyou’dfeelbadoverthat,"saidMarilla。"Ifeltbadmyself。
ThattreewasthereeversinceIwasayounggirl。ItblewdowninthebiggalewehadinMarch。Itwasrottenatthecore。"
"I’llmissitso,"grievedAnne。"Theporchgabledoesn’tseemthesameroomwithoutit。I’llneverlookfromitswindowagainwithoutasenseofloss。Andoh,InevercamehometoGreenGablesbeforethatDianawasn’theretowelcomeme。"
"Dianahassomethingelsetothinkofjustnow,"saidMrs。Lyndesignificantly。
"Well,tellmealltheAvonleanews,"saidAnne,sittingdownontheporchsteps,wheretheeveningsunshinefelloverherhairinafinegoldenrain。
"Thereisn’tmuchnewsexceptwhatwe’vewroteyou,"saidMrs。Lynde。
"Isupposeyouhaven’theardthatSimonFletcherbrokehisleglastweek。
It’sagreatthingforhisfamily。They’regettingahundredthingsdonethatthey’vealwayswantedtodobutcouldn’taslongashewasabout,theoldcrank。"
"Hecameofanaggravatingfamily,"remarkedMarilla。
"Aggravating?Well,rather!Hismotherusedtogetupinprayer-meetingandtellallherchildren’sshortcomingsandaskprayersforthem。`Courseitmadethemmad,andworsethanever。"
"Youhaven’ttoldAnnethenewsaboutJane,"suggestedMarilla。
"Oh,Jane,"sniffedMrs。Lynde。"Well,"sheconcededgrudgingly,"JaneAndrewsishomefromtheWest——camelastweek——andshe’sgoingtobemarriedtoaWinnipegmillionaire。YoumaybesureMrs。Harmonlostnotimeintellingitfarandwide。"
"DearoldJane——I’msoglad,"saidAnneheartily。"Shedeservesthegoodthingsoflife。"
"Oh,Iain’tsayinganythingagainstJane。She’saniceenoughgirl。
Butsheisn’tinthemillionaireclass,andyou’llfindthere’snotmuchtorecommendthatmanbuthismoney,that’swhat。Mrs。Harmonsayshe’sanEnglishmanwhohasmademoneyinminesbut_I_believehe’llturnouttobeaYankee。Hecertainlymusthavemoney,forhehasjustshoweredJanewithjewelry。HerengagementringisadiamondclustersobigthatitlookslikeaplasteronJane’sfatpaw。"
Mrs。Lyndecouldnotkeepsomebitternessoutofhertone。
HerewasJaneAndrews,thatplainlittleplodder,engagedtoamillionaire,whileAnne,itseemed,wasnotyetbespokenbyanyone,richorpoor。AndMrs。HarmonAndrewsdidbraginsufferably。
"WhathasGilbertBlythebeendoingtoatcollege?"askedMarilla。
"Isawhimwhenhecamehomelastweek,andheissopaleandthinIhardlyknewhim。"
"Hestudiedveryhardlastwinter,"saidAnne。"YouknowhetookHighHonorsinClassicsandtheCooperPrize。Ithasn’tbeentakenforfiveyears!SoIthinkhe’sratherrundown。
We’reallalittletired。"
"Anyhow,you’reaB。A。andJaneAndrewsisn’tandneverwillbe,"
saidMrs。Lynde,withgloomysatisfaction。
AfeweveningslaterAnnewentdowntoseeJane,butthelatterwasawayinCharlottetown——"gettingsewingdone,"Mrs。HarmoninformedAnneproudly。"OfcourseanAvonleadressmakerwouldn’tdoforJaneunderthecircumstances。"
"I’veheardsomethingveryniceaboutJane,"saidAnne。
"Yes,Janehasdoneprettywell,evenifsheisn’taB。A。,"saidMrs。Harmon,withaslighttossofherhead。"Mr。Inglisisworthmillions,andthey’regoingtoEuropeontheirweddingtour。
Whentheycomebackthey’llliveinaperfectmansionofmarbleinWinnipeg。Janehasonlyonetrouble——shecancooksowellandherhusbandwon’tlethercook。Heissorichhehireshiscookingdone。They’regoingtokeepacookandtwoothermaidsandacoachmanandaman-of-all-work。ButwhataboutYOU,Anne?Idon’thearanythingofyourbeingmarried,afterallyourcollege-going。"
"Oh,"laughedAnne,"Iamgoingtobeanoldmaid。Ireallycan’tfindanyonetosuitme。"Itwasratherwickedofher。
ShedeliberatelymeanttoremindMrs。Andrewsthatifshebecameanoldmaiditwasnotbecauseshehadnothadatleastonechanceofmarriage。ButMrs。Harmontookswiftrevenge。
"Well,theover-particulargirlsgenerallygetleft,Inotice。
Andwhat’sthisIhearaboutGilbertBlythebeingengagedtoaMissStuart?CharlieSloanetellsmesheisperfectlybeautiful。
Isittrue?"
"Idon’tknowifitistruethatheisengagedtoMissStuart,"
repliedAnne,withSpartancomposure,"butitiscertainlytruethatsheisverylovely。"
"IoncethoughtyouandGilbertwouldhavemadeamatchofit,"
saidMrs。Harmon。"Ifyoudon’ttakecare,Anne,allofyourbeauxwillslipthroughyourfingers。"
AnnedecidednottocontinueherduelwithMrs。Harmon。
Youcouldnotfencewithanantagonistwhometrapierthrustwithblowofbattleaxe。
"SinceJaneisaway,"shesaid,risinghaughtily,"Idon’tthinkIcanstaylongerthismorning。I’llcomedownwhenshecomeshome。"
"Do,"saidMrs。Harmoneffusively。"Janeisn’tabitproud。
Shejustmeanstoassociatewithheroldfriendsthesameasever。
She’llberealgladtoseeyou。"
Jane’smillionairearrivedthelastofMayandcarriedheroffinablazeofsplendor。Mrs。LyndewasspitefullygratifiedtofindthatMr。Ingliswaseverydayofforty,andshortandthinandgrayish。Mrs。Lyndedidnotsparehiminherenumerationofhisshortcomings,youmaybesure。
"Itwilltakeallhisgoldtogildapilllikehim,that’swhat,"
saidMrs。Rachelsolemnly。
"Helookskindandgood-hearted,"saidAnneloyally,"andI’msurehethinkstheworldofJane。"
"Humph!"saidMrs。Rachel。
PhilGordonwasmarriedthenextweekandAnnewentovertoBolingbroketobeherbridesmaid。Philmadeadaintyfairyofabride,andtheRev。Jowassoradiantinhishappinessthatnobodythoughthimplain。
"We’regoingforalovers’saunterthroughthelandofEvangeline,"
saidPhil,"andthenwe’llsettledownonPattersonStreet。
Motherthinksitisterrible——shethinksJomightatleasttakeachurchinadecentplace。ButthewildernessofthePattersonslumswillblossomliketheroseformeifJoisthere。
Oh,Anne,I’msohappymyheartacheswithit。"
Annewasalwaysgladinthehappinessofherfriends;butitissometimesalittlelonelytobesurroundedeverywherebyahappinessthatisnotyourown。AnditwasjustthesamewhenshewentbacktoAvonlea。ThistimeitwasDianawhowasbathedinthewonderfulglorythatcomestoawomanwhenherfirst-bornislaidbesideher。AnnelookedatthewhiteyoungmotherwithacertainawethathadneverenteredintoherfeelingsforDianabefore。Couldthispalewomanwiththeraptureinhereyesbethelittleblack-curled,rosy-cheekedDianashehadplayedwithinvanishedschooldays?Itgaveheraqueerdesolatefeelingthatsheherselfsomehowbelongedonlyinthosepastyearsandhadnobusinessinthepresentatall。
"Isn’theperfectlybeautiful?"saidDianaproudly。
ThelittlefatfellowwasabsurdlylikeFred——justasround,justasred。Annereallycouldnotsayconscientiouslythatshethoughthimbeautiful,butshevowedsincerelythathewassweetandkissableandaltogetherdelightful。
"BeforehecameIwantedagirl,sothatIcouldcallherANNE,"
saidDiana。"ButnowthatlittleFredishereIwouldn’texchangehimforamilliongirls。HejustCOULDN’Thavebeenanythingbuthisownpreciousself。"
"`Everylittlebabyisthesweetestandthebest,’"quotedMrs。Allangaily。"IflittleAnneHADcomeyou’dhavefeltjustthesameabouther。"
Mrs。AllanwasvisitinginAvonlea,forthefirsttimesinceleavingit。Shewasasgayandsweetandsympatheticasever。
Heroldgirlfriendshadwelcomedherbackrapturously。
Thereigningminister’swifewasanestimablelady,butshewasnotexactlyakindredspirit。
"Icanhardlywaittillhegetsoldenoughtotalk,"sighedDiana。
"Ijustlongtohearhimsay`mother。’Andoh,I’mdeterminedthathisfirstmemoryofmeshallbeaniceone。ThefirstmemoryI
haveofmymotherisofherslappingmeforsomethingIhaddone。
IamsureIdeservedit,andmotherwasalwaysagoodmotherandI
loveherdearly。ButIdowishmyfirstmemoryofherwasnicer。"
"Ihavejustonememoryofmymotheranditisthesweetestofallmymemories,"saidMrs。Allan。"Iwasfiveyearsold,andI
hadbeenallowedtogotoschoolonedaywithmytwooldersisters。
Whenschoolcameoutmysisterswenthomeindifferentgroups,eachsupposingIwaswiththeother。InsteadIhadrunoffwithalittlegirlIhadplayedwithatrecess。Wewenttoherhome,whichwasneartheschool,andbeganmakingmudpies。Wewerehavingaglorioustimewhenmyoldersisterarrived,breathlessandangry。
"`Younaughtygirl"shecried,snatchingmyreluctanthandanddraggingmealongwithher。`Comehomethisminute。Oh,you’regoingtocatchit!Motherisawfulcross。Sheisgoingtogiveyouagoodwhipping。’
"Ihadneverbeenwhipped。Dreadandterrorfilledmypoorlittleheart。IhaveneverbeensomiserableinmylifeasIwasonthatwalkhome。Ihadnotmeanttobenaughty。PhemyCameronhadaskedmetogohomewithherandIhadnotknownitwaswrongtogo。AndnowIwastobewhippedforit。Whenwegothomemysisterdraggedmeintothekitchenwheremotherwassittingbythefireinthetwilight。MypoorweelegsweretremblingsothatIcouldhardlystand。Andmother——motherjusttookmeupinherarms,withoutonewordofrebukeorharshness,kissedmeandheldmeclosetoherheart。`Iwassofrightenedyouwerelost,darling,’shesaidtenderly。Icouldseetheloveshininginhereyesasshelookeddownonme。SheneverscoldedorreproachedmeforwhatIhaddone——onlytoldmeImustnevergoawayagainwithoutaskingpermission。Shediedverysoonafterwards。ThatistheonlymemoryIhaveofher。Isn’titabeautifulone?"
Annefeltlonelierthaneverasshewalkedhome,goingbywayoftheBirchPathandWillowmere。Shehadnotwalkedthatwayformanymoons。Itwasadarkly-purplebloomynight。Theairwasheavywithblossomfragrance——almosttooheavy。Thecloyedsensesrecoiledfromitasfromanoverfullcup。Thebirchesofthepathhadgrownfromthefairysaplingsofoldtobigtrees。
Everythinghadchanged。Annefeltthatshewouldbegladwhenthesummerwasoverandshewasawayatworkagain。Perhapslifewouldnotseemsoemptythen。
"`I’vetriedtheworld——itwearsnomoreThecoloringofromanceitwore,’"
sighedAnne——andwasstraightwaymuchcomfortedbytheromanceintheideaoftheworldbeingdenudedofromance!
ChapterXL
ABookofRevelationTheIrvingscamebacktoEchoLodgeforthesummer,andAnnespentahappythreeweeksthereinJuly。MissLavendarhadnotchanged;
CharlottatheFourthwasaverygrown-upyoungladynow,butstilladoredAnnesincerely。
"Whenall’ssaidanddone,MissShirley,ma’am,Ihaven’tseenanyoneinBostonthat’sequaltoyou,"shesaidfrankly。
Paulwasalmostgrownup,too。Hewassixteen,hischestnutcurlshadgivenplacetoclose-croppedbrownlocks,andhewasmoreinterestedinfootballthanfairies。Butthebondbetweenhimandhisoldteacherstillheld。Kindredspiritsalonedonotchangewithchangingyears。
Itwasawet,bleak,crueleveninginJulywhenAnnecamebacktoGreenGables。Oneofthefiercesummerstormswhichsometimessweepoverthegulfwasravagingthesea。AsAnnecameinthefirstraindropsdashedagainstthepanes。
"WasthatPaulwhobroughtyouhome?"askedMarilla。"Whydidn’tyoumakehimstayallnight。It’sgoingtobeawildevening。"
"He’llreachEchoLodgebeforetheraingetsveryheavy,Ithink。
Anyway,hewantedtogobacktonight。Well,I’vehadasplendidvisit,butI’mgladtoseeyoudearfolksagain。`East,west,hame’sbest。’Davy,haveyoubeengrowingagainlately?"
"I’vegrowedawholeinchsinceyouleft,"saidDavyproudly。
"I’mastallasMiltyBoulternow。Ain’tIglad。He’llhavetostopcrowingaboutbeingbigger。Say,Anne,didyouknowthatGilbertBlytheisdying?"Annestoodquitesilentandmotionless,lookingatDavy。HerfacehadgonesowhitethatMarillathoughtshewasgoingtofaint。
"Davy,holdyourtongue,"saidMrs。Rachelangrily。"Anne,don’tlooklikethat——DON’TLOOKLIKETHAT!Wedidn’tmeantotellyousosuddenly。"
"Is——it——true?"askedAnneinavoicethatwasnothers。
"Gilbertisveryill,"saidMrs。Lyndegravely。"HetookdownwithtyphoidfeverjustafteryouleftforEchoLodge。Didyouneverhearofit?"
"No,"saidthatunknownvoice。
"Itwasaverybadcasefromthestart。Thedoctorsaidhe’dbeenterriblyrundown。They’veatrainednurseandeverything’sbeendone。DON’Tlooklikethat,Anne。Whilethere’slifethere’shope。"
"Mr。Harrisonwasherethiseveningandhesaidtheyhadnohopeofhim,"
reiteratedDavy。
Marilla,lookingoldandwornandtired,gotupandmarchedDavygrimlyoutofthekitchen。
"Oh,DON’Tlookso,dear,"saidMrs。Rachel,puttingherkindoldarmsaboutthepallidgirl。"Ihaven’tgivenuphope,indeedIhaven’t。
He’sgottheBlytheconstitutioninhisfavor,that’swhat。"
AnnegentlyputMrs。Lynde’sarmsawayfromher,walkedblindlyacrossthekitchen,throughthehall,upthestairstoheroldroom。
Atitswindowshekneltdown,staringoutunseeingly。Itwasverydark。
Therainwasbeatingdownovertheshiveringfields。TheHauntedWoodswasfullofthegroansofmightytreeswrunginthetempest,andtheairthrobbedwiththethunderouscrashofbillowsonthedistantshore。
AndGilbertwasdying!
ThereisabookofRevelationineveryone’slife,asthereisintheBible。
Annereadhersthatbitternight,asshekeptheragonizedvigilthroughthehoursofstormanddarkness。ShelovedGilbert——hadalwayslovedhim!
Sheknewthatnow。Sheknewthatshecouldnomorecasthimoutofherlifewithoutagonythanshecouldhavecutoffherrighthandandcastitfromher。
Andtheknowledgehadcometoolate——toolateevenforthebittersolaceofbeingwithhimatthelast。Ifshehadnotbeensoblind——sofoolish——shewouldhavehadtherighttogotohimnow。Buthewouldneverknowthatshelovedhim——hewouldgoawayfromthislifethinkingthatshedidnotcare。Oh,theblackyearsofemptinessstretchingbeforeher!
Shecouldnotlivethroughthem——shecouldnot!Shecowereddownbyherwindowandwished,forthefirsttimeinhergayyounglife,thatshecoulddie,too。IfGilbertwentawayfromher,withoutonewordorsignormessage,shecouldnotlive。Nothingwasofanyvaluewithouthim。
Shebelongedtohimandhetoher。Inherhourofsupremeagonyshehadnodoubtofthat。HedidnotloveChristineStuart——neverhadlovedChristineStuart。Oh,whatafoolshehadbeennottorealizewhatthebondwasthathadheldhertoGilbert——tothinkthattheflatteredfancyshehadfeltforRoyGardnerhadbeenlove。Andnowshemustpayforherfollyasforacrime。
Mrs。LyndeandMarillacrepttoherdoorbeforetheywenttobed,shooktheirheadsdoubtfullyateachotheroverthesilence,andwentaway。Thestormragedallnight,butwhenthedawncameitwasspent。Annesawafairyfringeoflightontheskirtsofdarkness。Soontheeasternhilltopshadafire-shotrubyrim。
Thecloudsrolledthemselvesawayintogreat,soft,whitemassesonthehorizon;theskygleamedblueandsilvery。Ahushfellovertheworld。
Annerosefromherkneesandcreptdownstairs。Thefreshnessoftherain-windblewagainstherwhitefaceasshewentoutintotheyard,andcooledherdry,burningeyes。Amerryrollickingwhistlewasliltingupthelane。AmomentlaterPacifiqueBuotecameinsight。
Anne’sphysicalstrengthsuddenlyfailedher。Ifshehadnotclutchedatalowwillowboughshewouldhavefallen。PacifiquewasGeorgeFletcher’shiredman,andGeorgeFletcherlivednextdoortotheBlythes。Mrs。FletcherwasGilbert’saunt。
Pacifiquewouldknowif——if——Pacifiquewouldknowwhattherewastobeknown。
Pacifiquestrodesturdilyonalongtheredlane,whistling。HedidnotseeAnne。Shemadethreefutileattemptstocallhim。
Hewasalmostpastbeforeshesucceededinmakingherquiveringlipscall,"Pacifique!"
Pacifiqueturnedwithagrinandacheerfulgoodmorning。
"Pacifique,"saidAnnefaintly,"didyoucomefromGeorgeFletcher’sthismorning?"
"Sure,"saidPacifiqueamiably。"Igotdewordlas’nightdatmyfader,hewasseeck。ItwassostormydatIcouldn’tgoden,soI
startvairearlydismornin’。I’mgoin’troodewoodsforshortcut。"
"DidyouhearhowGilbertBlythewasthismorning?"Anne’sdesperationdrovehertothequestion。Eventheworstwouldbemoreendurablethanthishideoussuspense。
"He’sbetter,"saidPacifique。"Hegotdeturnlas’night。
Dedoctorsayhe’llbeallrightnowdissoonwhile。Hadcloseshave,dough!Datboy,hejus’keelhimselfatcollege。
Well,Imus’hurry。Deoldman,he’llbeinhurrytoseeme。"
Pacifiqueresumedhiswalkandhiswhistle。Annegazedafterhimwitheyeswherejoywasdrivingoutthestrainedanguishofthenight。
Hewasaverylank,veryragged,veryhomelyyouth。Butinhersighthewasasbeautifulasthosewhobringgoodtidingsonthemountains。
Never,aslongasshelived,wouldAnneseePacifique’sbrown,round,black-eyedfacewithoutawarmremembranceofthemomentwhenhehadgiventohertheoilofjoyformourning。
LongafterPacifique’sgaywhistlehadfadedintothephantomofmusicandthenintosilencefarupunderthemaplesofLover’sLaneAnnestoodunderthewillows,tastingthepoignantsweetnessoflifewhensomegreatdreadhasbeenremovedfromit。Themorningwasacupfilledwithmistandglamor。Inthecornernearherwasarichsurpriseofnew-blown,crystal-dewedroses。
Thetrillsandtricklesofsongfromthebirdsinthebigtreeaboveherseemedinperfectaccordwithhermood。Asentencefromaveryold,verytrue,verywonderfulBookcametoherlips,"Weepingmayendureforanightbutjoycomethinthemorning。"
XLI
LoveTakesUptheGlassofTime"I’vecomeuptoaskyoutogoforoneofourold-timeramblesthroughSeptemberwoodsand`overhillswherespicesgrow,’thisafternoon,"saidGilbert,comingsuddenlyaroundtheporchcorner。
"SupposewevisitHesterGray’sgarden。"
Anne,sittingonthestonestepwithherlapfullofapale,filmy,greenstuff,lookedupratherblankly。
"Oh,IwishIcould,"shesaidslowly,"butIreallycan’t,Gilbert。I’mgoingtoAlicePenhallow’sweddingthisevening,youknow。I’vegottodosomethingtothisdress,andbythetimeit’sfinishedI’llhavetogetready。I’msosorry。
I’dlovetogo。"
"Well,canyougotomorrowafternoon,then?"askedGilbert,apparentlynotmuchdisappointed。
"Yes,Ithinkso。"
"InthatcaseIshallhiemehomeatoncetodosomethingI
shouldotherwisehavetodotomorrow。SoAlicePenhallowistobemarriedtonight。Threeweddingsforyouinonesummer,Anne——Phil’s,Alice’s,andJane’s。I’llneverforgiveJanefornotinvitingmetoherwedding。"
"Youreallycan’tblameherwhenyouthinkofthetremendousAndrewsconnectionwhohadtobeinvited。Thehousecouldhardlyholdthemall。IwasonlybiddenbygraceofbeingJane’soldchum——atleastonJane’spart。IthinkMrs。Harmon’smotiveforinvitingmewastoletmeseeJane’ssurpassinggorgeousness。"
"Isittruethatsheworesomanydiamondsthatyoucouldn’ttellwherethediamondsleftoffandJanebegan?"
Annelaughed。
"Shecertainlyworeagoodmany。Whatwithallthediamondsandwhitesatinandtulleandlaceandrosesandorangeblossoms,primlittleJanewasalmostlosttosight。ButshewasVERY
happy,andsowasMr。Inglis——andsowasMrs。Harmon。"
"Isthatthedressyou’regoingtoweartonight?"askedGilbert,lookingdownatthefluffsandfrills。
"Yes。Isn’titpretty?AndIshallwearstarflowersinmyhair。
TheHauntedWoodisfullofthemthissummer。"
GilberthadasuddenvisionofAnne,arrayedinafrillygreengown,withthevirginalcurvesofarmsandthroatslippingoutofit,andwhitestarsshiningagainstthecoilsofherruddyhair。
Thevisionmadehimcatchhisbreath。Butheturnedlightlyaway。
"Well,I’llbeuptomorrow。Hopeyou’llhaveanicetimetonight。"
Annelookedafterhimashestrodeaway,andsighed。Gilbertwasfriendly——veryfriendly——fartoofriendly。HehadcomequiteoftentoGreenGablesafterhisrecovery,andsomethingoftheiroldcomradeshiphadreturned。ButAnnenolongerfounditsatisfying。
Theroseoflovemadetheblossomoffriendshippaleandscentlessbycontrast。AndAnnehadagainbeguntodoubtifGilbertnowfeltanythingforherbutfriendship。Inthecommonlightofcommondayherradiantcertaintyofthatraptmorninghadfaded。Shewashauntedbyamiserablefearthathermistakecouldneverberectified。
ItwasquitelikelythatitwasChristinewhomGilbertlovedafterall。
Perhapshewasevenengagedtoher。Annetriedtoputallunsettlinghopesoutofherheart,andreconcileherselftoafuturewhereworkandambitionmusttaketheplaceoflove。Shecoulddogood,ifnotnoble,workasateacher;andthesuccessherlittlesketcheswerebeginningtomeetwithincertaineditorialsanctumsauguredwellforherbuddingliterarydreams。But——but——Annepickeduphergreendressandsighedagain。
WhenGilbertcamethenextafternoonhefoundAnnewaitingforhim,freshasthedawnandfairasastar,afterallthegaietyoftheprecedingnight。Sheworeagreendress——nottheoneshehadworntothewedding,butanoldonewhichGilberthadtoldherataRedmondreceptionhelikedespecially。Itwasjusttheshadeofgreenthatbroughtouttherichtintsofherhair,andthestarrygrayofhereyesandtheiris-likedelicacyofherskin。Gilbert,glancingathersidewaysastheywalkedalongashadowywoodpath,thoughtshehadneverlookedsolovely。Anne,glancingsidewaysatGilbert,nowandthen,thoughthowmucholderhelookedsincehisillness。Itwasasifhehadputboyhoodbehindhimforever。
Thedaywasbeautifulandthewaywasbeautiful。AnnewasalmostsorrywhentheyreachedHesterGray’sgarden,andsatdownontheoldbench。Butitwasbeautifulthere,too——asbeautifulasithadbeenonthefarawaydayoftheGoldenPicnic,whenDianaandJaneandPriscillaandshehadfoundit。Thenithadbeenlovelywithnarcissusandviolets;nowgoldenrodhadkindleditsfairytorchesinthecornersandastersdotteditbluely。Thecallofthebrookcameupthroughthewoodsfromthevalleyofbircheswithallitsoldallurement;themellowairwasfullofthepurrofthesea;beyondwerefieldsrimmedbyfencesbleachedsilverygrayinthesunsofmanysummers,andlonghillsscarfedwiththeshadowsofautumnalclouds;withtheblowingofthewestwindolddreamsreturned。
"Ithink,"saidAnnesoftly,"that`thelandwheredreamscometrue’
isinthebluehazeyonder,overthatlittlevalley。"
"Haveyouanyunfulfilleddreams,Anne?"askedGilbert。
Somethinginhistone——somethingshehadnotheardsincethatmiserableeveningintheorchardatPatty’sPlace——madeAnne’sheartbeatwildly。Butshemadeanswerlightly。
"Ofcourse。Everybodyhas。Itwouldn’tdoforustohaveallourdreamsfulfilled。Wewouldbeasgoodasdeadifwehadnothinglefttodreamabout。Whatadeliciousaromathatlow-descendingsunisextractingfromtheastersandferns。
Iwishwecouldseeperfumesaswellassmellthem。I’msuretheywouldbeverybeautiful。"
Gilbertwasnottobethussidetracked。
"Ihaveadream,"hesaidslowly。"Ipersistindreamingit,althoughithasoftenseemedtomethatitcouldnevercometrue。
Idreamofahomewithahearth-fireinit,acatanddog,thefootstepsoffriends——andYOU!"
Annewantedtospeakbutshecouldfindnowords。Happinesswasbreakingoverherlikeawave。Italmostfrightenedher。
"Iaskedyouaquestionovertwoyearsago,Anne。IfIaskitagaintodaywillyougivemeadifferentanswer?"
StillAnnecouldnotspeak。Butsheliftedhereyes,shiningwithallthelove-raptureofcountlessgenerations,andlookedintohisforamoment。Hewantednootheranswer。
Theylingeredintheoldgardenuntiltwilight,sweetasduskinEdenmusthavebeen,creptoverit。Therewassomuchtotalkoverandrecall——thingssaidanddoneandheardandthoughtandfeltandmisunderstood。
"IthoughtyoulovedChristineStuart,"Annetoldhim,asreproachfullyasifshehadnotgivenhimeveryreasontosupposethatshelovedRoyGardner。
Gilbertlaughedboyishly。
"Christinewasengagedtosomebodyinherhometown。IknewitandsheknewIknewit。WhenherbrothergraduatedhetoldmehissisterwascomingtoKingsportthenextwintertotakemusic,andaskedmeifIwouldlookafterherabit,assheknewnooneandwouldbeverylonely。SoIdid。AndthenIlikedChristineforherownsake。SheisoneofthenicestgirlsI’veeverknown。Iknewcollegegossipcrediteduswithbeinginlovewitheachother。Ididn’tcare。Nothingmatteredmuchtomeforatimethere,afteryoutoldmeyoucouldneverloveme,Anne。
Therewasnobodyelse——therenevercouldbeanybodyelseformebutyou。I’velovedyoueversincethatdayyoubrokeyourslateovermyheadinschool。"
"Idon’tseehowyoucouldkeeponlovingmewhenIwassuchalittlefool,"saidAnne。
"Well,Itriedtostop,"saidGilbertfrankly,"notbecauseI
thoughtyouwhatyoucallyourself,butbecauseIfeltsuretherewasnochanceformeafterGardnercameonthescene。ButI
couldn’t——andIcan’ttellyou,either,whatit’smeanttomethesetwoyearstobelieveyouweregoingtomarryhim,andbetoldeveryweekbysomebusybodythatyourengagementwasonthepointofbeingannounced。IbelievedituntiloneblesseddaywhenIwassittingupafterthefever。IgotaletterfromPhilGordon——PhilBlake,rather——inwhichshetoldmetherewasreallynothingbetweenyouandRoy,andadvisedmeto`tryagain。’
Well,thedoctorwasamazedatmyrapidrecoveryafterthat。"
Annelaughed——thenshivered。
"IcanneverforgetthenightIthoughtyouweredying,Gilbert。
Oh,Iknew——IKNEWthen——andIthoughtitwastoolate。"
"Butitwasn’t,sweetheart。Oh,Anne,thismakesupforeverything,doesn’tit?Let’sresolvetokeepthisdaysacredtoperfectbeautyallourlivesforthegiftithasgivenus。"
"It’sthebirthdayofourhappiness,"saidAnnesoftly。
"I’vealwayslovedthisoldgardenofHesterGray’s,andnowitwillbedearerthanever。"
"ButI’llhavetoaskyoutowaitalongtime,Anne,"
saidGilbertsadly。"ItwillbethreeyearsbeforeI’llfinishmymedicalcourse。Andeventhentherewillbenodiamondsunburstsandmarblehalls。"
Annelaughed。
"Idon’twantsunburstsandmarblehalls。IjustwantYOU。
YouseeI’mquiteasshamelessasPhilaboutit。Sunburstsandmarblehallsmaybeallverywell,butthereismore`scopeforimagination’withoutthem。Andasforthewaiting,thatdoesn’tmatter。We’lljustbehappy,waitingandworkingforeachother——anddreaming。Oh,dreamswillbeverysweetnow。"
Gilbertdrewherclosetohimandkissedher。Thentheywalkedhometogetherinthedusk,crownedkingandqueeninthebridalrealmoflove,alongwindingpathsfringedwiththesweetestflowersthateverbloomed,andoverhauntedmeadowswherewindsofhopeandmemoryblew。
End