Letamanbutobservewhoareofgreatestauthorityincities，andwhobestdotheirownbusiness;weshallfindthattheyarecommonlymenoftheleastparts:women，children，andmadmenhavehadthefortunetogoverngreatkingdomsequallywellwiththewisestprinces，andThucydidessays，thatthestupidmoreordinarilydoitthanthoseofbetterunderstandings;weattributetheeffectsoftheirgoodfortunetotheirprudence:
　　"UtquisqueFortunautitur，Itapraecellet;atqueexindesapereillumomnesdicimus;"
　　["HemakeshiswaywhoknowshowtouseFortune，andthereuponweallcallhimwise。"——Plautus，Pseudol。，ii。3，13。]
　　whereforeIsayunreservedly，eventsareaverypoortestimonyofourworthandparts。
　　Now，Iwasuponthispoint，thatthereneedsnomorebuttoseeamanpromotedtodignity;thoughweknewhimbutthreedaysbeforeamanoflittleregard，yetanimageofgrandeurofsufficiencyinsensiblystealsintoouropinion，andwepersuadeourselvesthat，beingaugmentedinreputationandtrain，heisalsoincreasedinmerit;wejudgeofhim，notaccordingtohisworth，butaswedobycounters，accordingtotheprerogativeofhisplace。Ifithappensothathefallagain，andbemixedwiththecommoncrowd，everyoneinquireswithamazementintothecauseofhishavingbeenraisedsohigh。"Isthishe，"saythey，"washenowiserwhenhewasthere？Doprincessatisfythemselveswithsolittle？Truly，wewereingoodhands。"ThisisathingthatIhaveoftenseeninmytime。Nay，eventheverydisguiseofgrandeurrepresentedinourcomediesinsomesortmovesandgullsus。ThatwhichImyselfadoreinkingsisthecrowdoftheiradorers;allreverenceandsubmissionareduetothem，exceptthatoftheunderstanding:myreasonisnotobligedtobowandbend;mykneesare。MelanthiusbeingaskedwhathethoughtofthetragedyofDionysius，"Icouldnotseeit，"saidhe，"itwassocloudedwithlanguage";somostofthosewhojudgeofthediscoursesofgreatmenoughttosay，"Ididnotunderstandhiswords，theyweresocloudedwithgravity，grandeur，andmajesty。"AntisthenesonedaytriedtopersuadetheAthenianstogiveorderthattheirassesmightbeemployedintillingthegroundaswellasthehorseswere;towhichitwasansweredthatthatanimalwasnotdestinedforsuchaservice:"That’sallone，"repliedhe，"youhaveonlytoorderit:forthemostignorantandincapablemenyouemployinthecommandsofyourwarsincontinentlybecomeworthyenough，becauseyouemploythem";towhichthecustomofsomanypeople，whocanonisethekingtheyhavechosenoutoftheirownbody，andarenotcontentonlytohonour，butmustadorethem，comesverynear。ThoseofMexico，aftertheceremoniesoftheirking’scoronationareover，darenomorelookhimintheface;
　　but，asiftheyhaddeifiedhimbyhisroyalty。Amongsttheoathstheymakehimtaketomaintaintheirreligion，theirlaws，andliberties，tobevaliant，just，andmild，hemoreoverswearstomakethesunrunhiscourseinhiswontedlight，todrainthecloudsatfitseasons，tomakeriversruntheircourse，andtocausetheearthtobearallthingsnecessaryforhispeople。
　　Idifferfromthiscommonfashion，andammoreapttosuspectthecapacitywhenIseeitaccompaniedwiththatgrandeuroffortuneandpublicapplause;wearetoconsiderofwhatadvantageitistospeakwhenamanpleases，tochoosehissubject，tointerruptorchangeit，withamagisterialauthority;toprotecthimselffromtheoppositionsofothersbyanod，asmile，orsilence，inthepresenceofanassemblythattrembleswithreverenceandrespect。Amanofaprodigiousfortunecomingtogivehisjudgmentuponsomeslightdisputethatwasfoolishlysetonfootathistable，beganinthesewords:"Itcanbenootherbutaliarorafoolthatwillsayotherwisethansoandso。"Pursuethisphilosophicalpointwithadaggerinyourhand。
　　ThereisanotherobservationIhavemade，fromwhichIdrawgreatadvantage;whichis，thatinconferencesanddisputes，everywordthatseemstobegood，isnotimmediatelytobeaccepted。Mostmenarerichinborrowedsufficiency:amanmaysayagoodthing，giveagoodanswer，citeagoodsentence，withoutatallseeingtheforceofeithertheoneortheother。Thatamanmaynotunderstandallheborrows，mayperhapsbeverifiedinmyself。Amanmustnotalwayspresentlyyield，whattruthorbeautysoevermayseemtobeintheoppositeargument;eitherhemuststoutlymeetit，orretire，undercolourofnotunderstandingit，totry，onallparts，howitislodgedintheauthor。Itmayhappenthatweentangleourselves，andhelptostrengthenthepointitself。Ihavesometimes，inthenecessityandheatofthecombat，madeanswersthathavegonethroughandthrough，beyondmyexpectationorhope;Ionlygavetheminnumber，theywerereceivedinweight。As，whenIcontendwithavigorousman，Ipleasemyselfwithanticipatinghisconclusions，Ieasehimofthetroubleofexplaininghimself，Istrivetoforestallhisimaginationwhilstitisyetspringingandimperfect;theorderandpertinencyofhisunderstandingwarnandthreatenmeafaroff:Idealquitecontrarywiththeothers;Imustunderstand，andpresupposenothingbutbythem。Iftheydetermineingeneralwords，"thisisgood，thatisnaught，"andthattheyhappentobeintheright，seeifitbenotfortunethathitsitoffforthem:letthemalittlecircumscribeandlimittheirjudgment;why，orhow，itisso。TheseuniversaljudgmentsthatIseesocommon，signifynothing;thesearemenwhosaluteawholepeopleinacrowdtogether;they，whohavearealacquaintance，takenoticeofandsalutethemindividuallyandbyname。But’tisahazardousattempt;andfromwhichIhave，morethaneveryday，seenitfallout，thatweakunderstandings，havingamindtoappearingenious，intakingnotice，astheyreadabook，ofwhatisbestandmosttobeadmired，fixtheiradmirationuponsomethingsoveryillchosen，thatinsteadofmakingusdiscerntheexcellenceoftheauthor;theymakeusverywellseetheirownignorance。Thisexclamationissafe，"Thatisfine，"afterhavingheardawholepageofVirgil;bythatthecunningsortsavethemselves;buttoundertaketofollowhimlinebyline，and，withanexpertandtriedjudgment，toobservewhereagoodauthorexcelshimself，weighingthewords，phrases，inventions，andhisvariousexcellences，oneafteranother;keepalooffromthat:
　　"Videndumest，nonmodoquidquisqueloquatur，sedetiamquidquisquesentiat，atqueetiamquadecausaquisquesentiat。"
　　[Amanisnotonlytoexaminewhateveryonesays，butalsowhateveryonethinks，andfromwhatreasoneveryonethinks。
　　——"Cicero，DeOffic:，i。41。]
　　Ieverydayhearfoolssaythingsthatarenotfoolish:theysayagoodthing;letusexaminehowfartheyunderstandit，whencetheyhaveit，andwhattheymeanbyit。Wehelpthemtomakeuseofthisfineexpression，ofthisfinesentence，whichisnoneoftheirs;theyonlyhaveitinkeeping;theyhavebolteditoutataventure;weplaceitforthemincreditandesteem。Youlendthemyourhand。Towhatpurpose？
　　theydonotthinkthemselvesobligedtoyouforit，andbecomemoreineptstill。Don’thelpthem;letthemalone;theywillhandlethematterlikepeoplewhoareafraidofburningtheirfingers;theydarechangeneitheritsseatnorlight，norbreakintoit;shakeitneversolittle，itslipsthroughtheirfingers;theygiveitup，beitneversostrongorfairtheyarefineweapons，butillhafted:HowmanytimeshaveIseentheexperienceofthis？Now，ifyoucometoexplainanythingtothem，andtoconfirmthem，theycatchatit，andpresentlyrobyouoftheadvantageofyourinterpretation;"ItwaswhatIwasabouttosay;itwasjustmyidea;ifIdidnotexpressitso，itwasforwantoflanguage。"Merewind！Maliceitselfmustbeemployedtocorrectthisarrogantignorance。
　　ThedogmaofHegesias，"thatweareneithertohatenoraccuse，butinstruct，"iscorrectelsewhere;buthere’tisinjusticeandinhumanitytorelieveandsethimrightwhostandsinnoneedon’t，andistheworsefor’t。Ilovetoletthemstepdeeperintothemire;andsodeep，that，ifitbepossible，theymayatlastdiscerntheirerror。
　　Follyandabsurdityarenottobecuredbybareadmonition;andwhatCyrusansweredtohim，whoimportunedhimtoharanguehisarmy，uponthepointofbattle，"thatmendonotbecomevaliantandwarlikeuponasudden，byafineoration，nomorethanamanbecomesagoodmusicianbyhearingafinesong，"mayproperlybesaidofsuchanadmonitionasthis。
　　Theseareapprenticeshipsthataretobeservedbeforehand，byalongandcontinuededucation。Weowethiscareandthisassiduityofcorrectionandinstructiontoourownpeople;buttogopreachtothefirstpasser—
　　by，andtobecometutortotheignoranceandfollyofthefirstwemeet，isathingthatIabhor。Irarelydoit，eveninprivateconversation，andrathergiveupthewholethingthanproceedtotheseinitiatoryandschoolinstructions;myhumourisunfiteithertospeakorwriteforbeginners;butforthingsthataresaidincommondiscourse，oramongstotherthings，Ineveropposethemeitherbywordorsign，howfalseorabsurdsoever。
　　Astotherest，nothingvexesmesomuchinfollyasthatitismoresatisfiedwithitselfthananyreasoncanreasonablybe。’Tisunfortunatethatprudenceforbidsustosatisfyandtrustourselves，andalwaysdismissesustimorousanddiscontented;whereasobstinacyandtemerityfillthosewhoarepossessedwiththemwithjoyandassurance。
　　’Tisforthemostignoranttolookatothermenovertheshoulder，alwaysreturningfromthecombatfullofjoyandtriumph。Andmoreover，forthemostpart，thisarroganceofspeechandgaietyofcountenancegivesthemthebetterofitintheopinionoftheaudience，whichiscommonlyweakandincapableofwelljudginganddiscerningtherealadvantage。
　　Obstinacyofopinionandheatinargumentarethesurestproofsoffolly;
　　isthereanythingsoassured，resolute，disdainful，contemplative，seriousandgraveastheass？
　　Maywenotincludeunderthetitleofconferenceandcommunicationthequickandsharpreparteeswhichmirthandfamiliarityintroduceamongstfriends，pleasantlyandwittilyjestingandrallyingwithoneanother？
　　’Tisanexerciseforwhichmynaturalgaietyrendersmefitenough，andwhich，ifitbenotsotenseandseriousastheotherIspokeofbutnow，is，asLycurgusthought，nolesssmartandingenious，noroflessutility。Formypart，Icontributetoitmorelibertythanwit，andhavethereinmoreofluckthaninvention;butIamperfectinsuffering，forI
　　endurearetaliationthatisnotonlytart，butindiscreettoboot，withoutbeingmovedatall;andwhoeverattacksme，ifIhavenotabriskanswerimmediatelyready，Idonotstudytopursuethepointwithatediousandimpertinentcontest，borderinguponobstinacy，butletitpass，andhangingdowncheerfullymyears，defermyrevengetoanotherandbettertime:thereisnomerchantthatalwaysgains:Mostmenchangetheircountenanceandtheirvoicewheretheirwitsfail，andbyanunseasonableanger，insteadofrevengingthemselves，accuseatoncetheirownfollyandimpatience。Inthisjollity，wesometimespinchthesecretstringsofourimperfectionswhich，atanotherandgravertime，wecannottouchwithoutoffence，andsoprofitablygiveoneanotherahintofourdefects。Thereareotherjeuxdemain，——[practicaljokes]——rudeandindiscreet，aftertheFrenchmanner，thatImortallyhate;myskinisverytenderandsensible:Ihaveinmytimeseentwoprincesofthebloodburieduponthatveryaccount。’Tisunhandsometofightinplay。Astotherest，whenIhaveamindtojudgeofanyone，Iaskhimhowfarheiscontentedwithhimself;towhatdegreehisspeakingorhisworkpleaseshim。Iwillnoneofthesefineexcuses，"Ididitonlyinsport:
　　’Ablatummediisopusestincudibusistud。’
　　["Thatworkwastakenfromtheanvilhalffinished。"
　　——Ovid，Trist。，i。6，29。]
　　Iwasnotanhouraboutit:Ihaveneverlookedatitsince。"Well，then，sayI，laytheseaside，andgivemeaperfectone，suchasyouwouldbemeasuredby。Andthen，whatdoyouthinkisthebestthinginyourwork？isitthispartorthat？isitgraceorthematter，theinvention，thejudgment，orthelearning？ForIfindthatmenare，commonly，aswideofthemarkinjudgingoftheirownworks，asofthoseofothers;notonlybyreasonofthekindnesstheyhaveforthem，butforwantofcapacitytoknowanddistinguishthem:thework，byitsownforceandfortune，maysecondtheworkman，andsometimesoutstriphim，beyondhisinventionandknowledge。Formypart，Ijudgeofthevalueofothermen’sworksmoreobscurelythanofmyown;andplacetheEssays，nowhigh，orlow，withgreatdoubtandinconstancy。Thereareseveralbooksthatareusefulupontheaccountoftheirsubjects，fromwhichtheauthorderivesnopraise;andgoodbooks，aswellasgoodworks，thatshametheworkman。Imaywritethemannerofourfeasts，andthefashionofourclothes，andmaywritethemill;Imaypublishtheedictsofmytime，andthelettersofprincesthatpassfromhandtohand;Imaymakeanabridgmentofagoodbook（andeveryabridgmentofagoodbookisafoolishabridgment），whichbookshallcometobelost;andsoon:
　　posteritywillderiveasingularutilityfromsuchcompositions:butwhathonourshallIhaveunlessbygreatgoodfortune？Mostpartofthefamousbooksareofthiscondition。
　　WhenIreadPhilipdeCommines，doubtlessaverygoodauthor，severalyearsago，Itheretooknoticeofthisfornovulgarsaying，"Thatamanmusthaveacarenottodohismastersogreatservice，thatatlasthewillnotknowhowtogivehimhisjustreward";butIoughttocommendtheinvention，nothim，becauseImetwithitinTacitus，notlongsince:
　　"Beneficiaeausquelxtasunt，dumvidenturexsolviposse;
　　ubimultumantevenere，progratisodiumredditur;"
　　["Benefitsaresofaracceptableastheyappeartobecapableofrecompense;wheretheymuchexceedthatpoint，hatredisreturnedinsteadofthanks。"——Tacitus，Annal。，iv。18。]
　　andSenecavigorouslysays:
　　"Namquiputatesseturpenonreddere，nonvultessecuireddat:"
　　["Forhewhothinksitashamenottorequite，doesnotwishtohavethemanlivetowhomheowesreturn。"——Seneca，Ep。，81。]
　　Q。Cicerosayswithlessdirectness。:
　　"Quisenonputatsatisfacere，amicusessenullomodopotest。"
　　["Whothinkshimselfbehindinobligation，canbynomeansbeafriend。"——Q。Cicero，DePetitioneConsul，c。9。]
　　Thesubject，accordingtowhatitis，maymakeamanlookeduponaslearnedandofgoodmemory;buttojudgeinhimthepartsthataremosthisownandthemostworthy，thevigourandbeautyofhissoul，onemustfirstknowwhatishisownandwhatisnot;andinthatwhichisnothisown，howmuchweareobligedtohimforthechoice，disposition，ornament，andlanguagehehastherepresenteduswith。Whatifhehasborrowedthematterandspoiledtheform，asitoftenfallsout？We，whoarelittlereadinbooks，areinthisstrait，thatwhenwemeetwithahighfancyinsomenewpoet，orsomestrongargumentinapreacher，wedarenot，nevertheless，commendittillwehavefirstinformedourselves，throughsomelearnedman，ifitbethewriter’switorborrowedfromsomeother;untilthatIalwaysstanduponmyguard。
　　IhavelatelybeenreadingthehistoryofTacitusquitethrough，withoutinterruptingitwithanythingelse（whichbutseldomhappenswithme，itbeingtwentyyearssinceIhavekepttoanyonebookanhourtogether），andIdiditattheinstanceofagentlemanforwhomFrancehasagreatesteem，aswellforhisownparticularworth，asupontheaccountofaconstantformofcapacityandvirtuewhichrunsthroughagreatmanybrothersofthem。Idonotknowanyauthorinapublicnarrativewhomixessomuchconsiderationofmannersandparticularinclinations:andI
　　amofaquitecontraryopiniontohim，holdingthat，havingespeciallytofollowthelivesoftheemperorsofhistime，sovariousandextremeinallsortsofforms，somanynotableactionsastheircrueltyespeciallyproducedintheirsubjects，hehadastrongerandmoreattractivemattertotreatofthanifhehadhadtodescribebattlesanduniversalcommotions;sothatIoftenfindhimsterile，runningoverthosebravedeathsasifhefearedtotroubleuswiththeirmultitudeandlength。
　　Thisformofhistoryisbymuchthemostuseful;publicmovementsdependmostupontheconductoffortune，privateonesuponourown。’Tisratherajudgmentthananarrationofhistory;thereareinitmorepreceptsthanstories:itisnotabooktoread，’tisabooktostudyandlearn;
　　’tisfullofsententiousopinions，rightorwrong;’tisanurseryofethicandpoliticdiscourses，fortheuseandornamentofthosewhohaveanyplaceinthegovernmentoftheworld。Healwaysarguesbystrongandsolidreasons，afterapointedandsubtlemanner，accordingtotheaffectedstyleofthatage，whichwassoinlovewithaninflatedmanner，thatwherepointandsubtletywerewantinginthingsitsuppliedthesewithloftyandswellingwords。’TisnotmuchunlikethestyleofSeneca:
　　IlookuponTacitusasmoresinewy，andSenecaasmoresharp。Hispenseemsmostproperforatroubledandsickstate，asoursatpresentis;
　　youwouldoftensaythathepaintsandpinchesus。
　　Theywhodoubthisgoodfaithsufficientlyaccusethemselvesofbeinghisenemyuponsomeotheraccount。Hisopinionsaresound，andleantotherightsideintheRomanaffairs。AndyetIamangryathimforjudgingmoreseverelyofPompeythanconsistswiththeopinionofthoseworthymenwholivedinthesametime，andhaddealingswithhim;andtohavereputedhimonaparwithMariusandSylla，exceptingthathewasmoreclose。Otherwritershavenotacquittedhisintentioninthegovernmentofaffairsfromambitionandrevenge;andevenhisfriendswereafraidthatvictorywouldhavetransportedhimbeyondtheboundsofreason，butnottosoimmeasurableadegreeastheirs;nothinginhislifethreatenedsuchexpresscrueltyandtyranny。Neitheroughtwetosetsuspicionagainstevidence;andthereforeIdonotbelievePlutarchinthismatter。
　　Thathisnarrationsweregenuineandstraightforwardmay，perhaps，bearguedfromthisverything，thattheydonotalwaysapplytotheconclusionsofhisjudgments，whichhefollowsaccordingtothebiashehastaken，veryoftenbeyondthematterhepresentsuswithal，whichhehasnotdeignedtoalterintheleastdegree。Heneedsnoexcuseforhavingapprovedthereligionofhistime，accordingasthelawsenjoined，andtohavebeenignorantofthetrue;thiswashismisfortune，nothisfault。
　　Ihaveprincipallyconsideredhisjudgment，andamnotverywellsatisfiedtherewiththroughout;asthesewordsintheletterthatTiberius，oldandsick，senttothesenate。"WhatshallIwritetoyou，sirs，orhowshouldIwritetoyou，orwhatshouldInotwritetoyouatthistime？MaythegodsandgoddesseslayaworsepunishmentuponmethanIameverydaytormentedwith，ifIknow！"IdonotseewhyheshouldsopositivelyapplythemtoasharpremorsethattormentedtheconscienceofTiberius;atleast，whenIwasinthesamecondition，I
　　perceivednosuchthing。
　　Andthisalsoseemedtomealittlemeaninhimthat，havingtosaythathehadborneanhonourableofficeinRome，heexcuseshimselfthathedoesnotsayitoutofostentation;thisseems，Isay，meanforsuchasoulashis;fornottospeakroundlyofaman’sselfimpliessomewantofcourage;amanofsolidandloftyjudgment，whojudgessoundlyandsurely，makesuseofhisownexampleuponalloccasions，aswellasthoseofothers;andgivesevidenceasfreelyofhimselfasofathirdperson。
　　Wearetopassbythesecommonrulesofcivility，infavouroftruthandliberty。Idarenotonlyspeakofmyself，buttospeakonlyofmyself:
　　whenIwriteofanythingelse，Imissmywayandwanderfrommysubject。
　　Iamnotsoindiscreetlyenamouredofmyself，sowhollymixedupwith，andboundtomyself，thatIcannotdistinguishandconsidermyselfapart，asIdoaneighbouroratree:’tisequallyafaultnottodiscernhowfaraman’sworthextends，andtosaymorethanamandiscoversinhimself。WeowemorelovetoGodthantoourselves，andknowHimless;
　　andyetspeakofHimasmuchaswewill。
　　IfthewritingsofTacitusindicateanythingtrueofhisqualities，hewasagreatpersonage，uprightandbold，notofasuperstitiousbutofaphilosophicalandgenerousvirtue。Onemaythinkhimboldinhisrelations;aswherehetellsus，thatasoldiercarryingaburdenofwood，hishandsweresofrozenandsostucktotheloadthattheythereremainedclosedanddead，beingseveredfromhisarms。Ialwaysinsuchthingsbowtotheauthorityofsogreatwitnesses。
　　Whatalsohesays，thatVespasian，bythefavourofthegodSerapis，curedablindwomanatAlexandriabyanointinghereyeswithhisspittle，andIknownotwhatothermiracle，"hesaysbytheexampleanddutyofallhisgoodhistorians。Theyrecordalleventsofimportance;andamongstpublicincidentsarethepopularrumoursandopinions。’Tistheirparttorelatecommonbeliefs，nottoregulatethem:thatpartconcernsdivinesandphilosophers，directorsofconsciences;andthereforeitwasthatthiscompanionofhis，andagreatmanlikehimself，verywiselysaid:
　　"Equidempluratranscribo，quamcredo:namnecaffirmaresustineo，dequibusdubito，necsubducerequaeaccepi;"
　　["Truly，IsetdownmorethingsthanIbelieve，forIcanneitheraffirmthingswhereofIdoubt，norsuppresswhatIhaveheard。"
　　——"QuintusCurtius，ix。]
　　andthisother:
　　"Haecnequeaffirmarenequerefellereoperaepretiumest;famaererumstandumest。"
　　[’Tisneitherworththewhiletoaffirmortorefutethesethings;
　　wemuststandtoreport"——Livy，i。，Praef。，andviii。6。]
　　Andwritinginanagewhereinthebeliefofprodigiesbegantodecline，hesayshewouldnot，nevertheless，forbeartoinsertinhisAnnals，andtogivearelationofthingsreceivedbysomanyworthymen，andwithsogreatreverenceofantiquity;’tisverywellsaid。Letthemdelivertoushistory，moreastheyreceiveitthanastheybelieveit。I，whoammonarchofthematterwhereofItreat，andwhoamaccountabletonone，donot，nevertheless，alwaysbelievemyself;Ioftenhazardsalliesofmyownwit，whereinIverymuchsuspectmyself，andcertainverbalquibbles，atwhichIshakemyears;butIletthemgoataventure。Iseethatothersgetreputationbysuchthings:’tisnotformealonetojudge。I
　　presentmyselfstandingandlying，beforeandbehind，myrightsideandmyleft，and，inallmynaturalpostures。Wits，thoughequalinforce，arenotalwaysequalintasteandapplication。
　　Thisiswhatmymemorypresentstomeingross，andwithuncertaintyenough;alljudgmentsingrossareweakandimperfect。
　　EndTheEssaysofMontaigne，V17
　　byMicheldeMontaigneTranslatedbyCharlesCottonEditedbyWilliamCarewHazilitt1877
　　CONTENTSOFVOLUME17。
　　IX。OfVanityCHAPTERIX
　　OFVANITY
　　Thereis，peradventure，nomoremanifestvanitythantowriteofitsovainly。Thatwhichdivinityhassodivinelyexpressedtous——["Vanityofvanities:allisvanity。"——Eccles。，i。2。]——oughttobecarefullyandcontinuallymeditatedbymenofunderstanding。WhodoesnotseethatI
　　havetakenaroad，inwhich，incessantlyandwithoutlabour，Ishallproceedsolongasthereshallbeinkandpaperintheworld？Icangivenoaccountofmylifebymyactions;fortunehasplacedthemtoolow:I
　　mustdoitbymyfancies。AndyetIhaveseenagentlemanwhoonlycommunicatedhislifebytheworkingsofhisbelly:youmightseeonhispremisesashowofarowofbasinsofsevenoreightdays’standing;itwashisstudy，hisdiscourse;allothertalkstankinhisnostrils。
　　Here，butnotsonauseous，aretheexcrementsofanoldmind，sometimesthick，sometimesthin，andalwaysindigested。AndwhenshallIhavedonerepresentingthecontinualagitationandmutationofmythoughts，astheycomeintomyhead，seeingthatDiomedeswrotesixthousandbooksuponthesolesubjectofgrammar？
　　[ItwasnotDiomedes，butDidymusthegrammarian，who，asSeneca（Ep。，88）tellsus，wrotefournotsixthousandbooksonquestionsofvainliterature，whichwastheprincipalstudyoftheancientgrammarian。——Coste。Butthenumberisprobablyexaggerated，andforbooksweshoulddoubtlessreadpamphletsoressays。]
　　What，then，oughtpratingtoproduce，sinceprattlingandthefirstbeginningtospeak，stuffedtheworldwithsuchahorribleloadofvolumes？Somanywordsforwordsonly。OPythagoras，whydidstnotthouallaythistempest？TheyaccusedoneGalbaofoldforlivingidly;hemadeanswer，"Thateveryoneoughttogiveaccountofhisactions，butnotofhishome。"Hewasmistaken，forjusticealsotakescognisanceofthosewhogleanafterthereaper。
　　Butthereshouldbesomerestraintoflawagainstfoolishandimpertinentscribblers，aswellasagainstvagabondsandidlepersons;whichiftherewere，bothIandahundredotherswouldbebanishedfromthereachofourpeople。Idonotspeakthisinjest:scribblingseemstobeasymptomofadisorderedandlicentiousage。Whendidwewritesomuchassinceourtroubles？whentheRomanssomuch，asuponthepointofruin？Besidesthat，therefiningofwitsdoesnotmakepeoplewiserinagovernment:
　　thisidleemploymentspringsfromthis，thateveryoneapplieshimselfnegligentlytothedutyofhisvocation，andiseasilydebauchedfromit。
　　Thecorruptionoftheageismadeupbytheparticularcontributionofeveryindividualman;somecontributetreachery，othersinjustice，irreligion，tyranny，avarice，cruelty，accordingtotheirpower;theweakersortcontributefolly，vanity，andidleness;oftheseIamone。
　　Itseemsasifitweretheseasonforvainthings，whenthehurtfuloppressus;inatimewhendoingilliscommon，todobutwhatsignifiesnothingisakindofcommendation。’Tismycomfort，thatIshallbeoneofthelastwhoshallbecalledinquestion;andwhilstthegreateroffendersarebeingbroughttoaccount，Ishallhaveleisuretoamend:
　　foritwould，methinks，beagainstreasontopunishlittleinconveniences，whilstweareinfestedwiththegreater。AsthephysicianPhilotimussaidtoonewhopresentedhimhisfingertodress，andwhoheperceived，bothbyhiscomplexionandhisbreath，hadanulcerinhislungs:"Friend，itisnotnowtimetoplaywithyournails。"——
　　[Plutarch，HowwemaydistinguishaFlattererfromaFriend。]
　　AndyetIsaw，someyearsago，aperson，whosenameandmemoryIhaveinverygreatesteem，intheveryheightofourgreatdisorders，whentherewasneitherlawnorjustice，normagistratewhoperformedhisoffice，nomorethanthereisnow，publishIknownotwhatpitifulreformationsaboutcloths，cookery，andlawchicanery。Thoseareamusementswherewithtofeedapeoplethatareill—used，toshowthattheyarenottotallyforgotten。Thoseothersdothesame，whoinsistuponprohibitingparticularwaysofspeaking，dances，andgames，toapeopletotallyabandonedtoallsortsofexecrablevices。’Tisnotimetobatheandcleanseone’sself，whenoneisseizedbyaviolentfever;itwasfortheSpartansalonetofalltocombingandcurlingthemselves，whentheywerejustuponthepointofrunningheadlongintosomeextremedangeroftheirlife。
　　Formypart，Ihavethatworsecustom，thatifmyslippergoawry，Iletmyshirtandmycloakdosotoo;Iscorntomendmyselfbyhalves。
　　WhenIaminabadplight，Ifastenuponthemischief;Iabandonmyselfthroughdespair;Iletmyselfgotowardstheprecipice，and，astheysay，"throwthehelveafterthehatchet";Iamobstinateingrowingworse，andthinkmyselfnolongerworthmyowncare;Iameitherwellorillthroughout。’Tisafavourtome，thatthedesolationofthiskingdomfallsoutinthedesolationofmyage:Ibettersufferthatmyillbemultiplied，thanifmywellhadbeendisturbed。——[That，beingill，I
　　shouldgrowworse，thanthat，beingwell，Ishouldgrowill。]——ThewordsIutterinmishaparewordsofanger:mycouragesetsupitsbristles，insteadoflettingthemdown;and，contrarytoothers，Iammoredevoutingoodthaninevilfortune，accordingtothepreceptofXenophon，ifnotaccordingtohisreason;andammorereadytoturnupmyeyestoheaventoreturnthanks，thantocrave。Iammoresolicitoustoimprovemyhealth，whenIamwell，thantorestoreitwhenIamsick;
　　prosperitiesarethesamedisciplineandinstructiontomethatadversitiesandrodsaretoothers。Asifgoodfortunewereathinginconsistentwithgoodconscience，mennevergrowgoodbutinevilfortune。Goodfortuneistomeasingularspurtomodestyandmoderation:anentreatywins，athreatchecksme;favourmakesmebend，fearstiffensme。
　　Amongsthumanconditionsthisiscommonenough:tobebetterpleasedwithforeignthingsthanwithourown，andtoloveinnovationandchange:
　　"Ipsadiesideonosgratoperluithaustu，Quodpermutatishorarecurritequis:"
　　["Thelightofdayitselfshinesmorepleasantlyuponusbecauseitchangesitshorseseveryhour。"Spokeofawaterhour—glass，addsCotton。]
　　Ihavemyshare。Thosewhofollowtheotherextreme，ofbeingquitesatisfiedandpleasedwithandinthemselves，ofvaluingwhattheyhaveabovealltherest，andofconcludingnobeautycanbegreaterthanwhattheysee，iftheyarenotwiserthanwe，arereallymorehappy;Idonotenvytheirwisdom，buttheirgoodfortune。
　　Thisgreedyhumourofnewandunknownthingshelpstonourishinmethedesireoftravel;butagreatmanymorecircumstancescontributetoit;
　　Iamverywillingtoquitthegovernmentofmyhouse。Thereis，I
　　confess，akindofconvenienceincommanding，thoughitwerebutinabarn，andinbeingobeyedbyone’speople;but’tistoouniformandlanguidapleasure，andis，moreover，ofnecessitymixedwithathousandvexatiousthoughts:onewhilethepovertyandtheoppressionofyourtenants:another，quarrelsamongstneighbours:another，thetrespassestheymakeuponyouafflictyou;
　　"Autverberataegrandinevineae，Fundusquemendax，arborenuncaquasCulpante，nunctorrentiaagrosSidera，nunchyemesiniquas。"
　　["Orhail—smittenvinesandthedeceptivefarm;nowtreesdamagedbytherains，oryearsofdearth，nowsummer’sheatburningupthepetals，nowdestructivewinters。"——Horatius，Od。，iii。I，29。]
　　andthatGodscarceinsixmonthssendsaseasonwhereinyourbailiffcandohisbusinessasheshould;butthatifitservesthevines，itspoilsthemeadows:
　　"Autnimiistorretfervoribusaetheriussol，Autsubitiperimuntimbres，gelidoequepruinae，Flabraqueventorumviolentoturbinevexant;"
　　["Eitherthescorchingsunburnsupyourfields，orsuddenrainsorfrostsdestroyyourharvests，oraviolentwindcarriesawayallbeforeit。"——Lucretius，V。216。]
　　towhichmaybeaddedthenewandneat—madeshoeofthemanofold，thathurtsyourfoot，[LeclercmaliciouslysuggeststhatthisisaslyhitatMontaigne’swife，themanofoldbeingthepersonmentionedinPlutarch’sLifeofPaulusEmilius，c。3，who，whenhisfriendsreproachedhimforrepudiatinghiswife，whosevariousmeritstheyextolled，pointedtohisshoe，andsaid，"Thatlooksanicewell—madeshoetoyou;butI
　　aloneknowwhereitpinches。"]
　　andthatastrangerdoesnotunderstandhowmuchitcostsyou，andwhatyoucontributetomaintainthatshowoforderthatisseeninyourfamily，andthatperadventureyoubuytoodear。
　　Icamelatetothegovernmentofahouse:theywhomnaturesentintotheworldbeforemelongeasedmeofthattrouble;sothatIhadalreadytakenanotherbentmoresuitabletomyhumour。Yet，forsomuchasI
　　haveseen，’tisanemploymentmoretroublesomethanhard;whoeveriscapableofanythingelse，willeasilydothis。HadIamindtoberich，thatwaywouldseemtoolong;Ihadservedmykings，amoreprofitabletrafficthananyother。SinceIpretendtonothingbutthereputationofhavinggotnothingordissipatednothing，conformablytotherestofmylife，impropereithertodogoodorillofanymoment，andthatIonlydesiretopasson，Icandoit，thanksbetoGod，withoutanygreatendeavour。Attheworst，evermorepreventpovertybylesseningyourexpense;’tisthatwhichImakemygreatconcern，anddoubtnotbuttodoitbeforeIshallbecompelled。Astotherest，IhavesufficientlysettledmythoughtstoliveuponlessthanIhave，andlivecontentedly:
　　"Nonaestimationecensus，verumvictuatquecultu，terminanturpecunixmodus。"
　　["’Tisnotbythevalueofpossessions，butbyourdailysubsistenceandtillage，thatourrichesaretrulyestimated。"
　　——Cicero，Paradox，vi。3。]
　　MyrealneeddoesnotsowhollytakeupallIhave，thatFortunehasnotwhereontofastenherteethwithoutbitingtothequick。Mypresence，heedlessandignorantasitis，doesmegreatserviceinmydomesticaffairs;Iemploymyselfinthem，butitgoesagainstthehair，findingthatIhavethisinmyhouse，thatthoughIburnmycandleatoneendbymyself，theotherisnotspared。
　　Journeysdomenoharmbutonlybytheirexpense，whichisgreat，andmorethanIamwellabletobear，beingalwayswonttotravelwithnotonlyanecessary，butahandsomeequipage;Imustmakethemsomuchshorterandfewer;Ispendthereinbutthefroth，andwhatIhavereservedforsuchuses，delayinganddeferringmymotiontillthatbeready。Iwillnotthatthepleasureofgoingabroadspoilthepleasureofbeingretiredathome;onthecontrary，Iintendtheyshallnourishandfavouroneanother。Fortunehasassistedmeinthis，thatsincemyprincipalprofessioninthislifewastoliveatease，andratheridlythanbusily，shehasdeprivedmeofthenecessityofgrowingrichtoprovideforthemultitudeofmyheirs。Iftherebenotenoughforone，ofthatwhereofIhadsoplentifullyenough，athisperilbeit:hisimprudencewillnotdeservethatIshouldwishhimanymore。Andeveryone，accordingtotheexampleofPhocion，providessufficientlyforhischildrenwhosoprovidesforthemastoleavethemasmuchaswaslefthim。IshouldbynomeanslikeCrates’way。Helefthismoneyinthehandsofabankerwiththiscondition——thatifhischildrenwerefools，heshouldthengiveittothem;ifwise，heshouldthendistributeittothemostfoolishofthepeople;asiffools，forbeinglesscapableoflivingwithoutriches，weremorecapableofusingthem。
　　Atallevents，thedamageoccasionedbymyabsenceseemsnottodeserve，solongasIamabletosupportit，thatIshouldwaivetheoccasionsofdivertingmyselfbythattroublesomeassistance。
　　Thereisalwayssomethingthatgoesamiss。Theaffairs，onewhileofonehouse，andthenofanother，tearyoutopieces;youpryintoeverythingtoonear;yourperspicacityhurtsyouhere，aswellasinotherthings。
　　Istealawayfromoccasionsofvexingmyself，andturnfromtheknowledgeofthingsthatgoamiss;andyetIcannotsoorderit，butthateveryhourIjostleagainstsomethingorotherthatdispleasesme;andthetricksthattheymostconcealfromme，arethosethatIthesoonestcometoknow;sometherearethat，nottomakemattersworse，amanmusthimselfhelptoconceal。Vainvexations;vainsometimes，butalwaysvexations。Thesmallestandslightestimpedimentsarethemostpiercing:
　　andaslittlelettersmosttiretheeyes，sodolittleaffairsmostdisturbus。Theroutoflittleillsmoreoffendthanone，howgreatsoever。Byhowmuchdomesticthornsarenumerousandslight，bysomuchtheyprickdeeperandwithoutwarning，easilysurprisinguswhenleastwesuspectthem。
　　[NowHomershewsusclearlyenoughhowsurprisegivestheadvantage;
　　whorepresentsUlyssesweepingatthedeathofhisdog;andnotweepingatthetearsofhismother;thefirstaccident，trivialasitwas，gotthebetterofhim，cominguponhimquiteunexpectedly;
　　hesustainedthesecond，thoughmorepotent，becausehewaspreparedforit。’Tislightoccasionsthathumbleourlives。]
　　Iamnophilosopher;evilsoppressmeaccordingtotheirweight，andtheyweighasmuchaccordingtotheformasthematter，andveryoftenmore。
　　IfIhavethereinmoreperspicacitythanthevulgar，Ihavealsomorepatience;inshort，theyweighwithme，iftheydonothurtme。Lifeisatenderthing，andeasilymolested。Sincemyagehasmademegrowmorepensiveandmorose，"Nemoenimresistitsibi，cumcaeperitimpelli，"
　　["Fornomanresistshimselfwhenhehasbeguntobedrivenforward。"——Seneca，Ep。，13。]
　　forthemosttrivialcauseimaginable，Iirritatethathumour，whichafterwardsnourishesandexasperatesitselfofitsownmotion;attractingandheapingupmatteruponmatterwhereontofeed:
　　"Stillicidicasuslapidemcavat:"
　　["Theeverfallingdrophollowsoutastone。"——Lucretius，i。314。]
　　thesecontinualtricklingsconsumeandulcerateme。Ordinaryinconveniencesareneverlight;theyarecontinualandinseparable，especiallywhentheyspringfromthemembersofafamily，continualandinseparable。WhenIconsidermyaffairsatdistanceandingross，I
　　find，becauseperhapsmymemoryisnoneofthebest，thattheyhavegoneonhithertoimprovingbeyondmyreasonorexpectation;myrevenueseemsgreaterthanitis;itsprosperitybetraysme:butwhenIprymorenarrowlyintothebusiness，andseehowallthingsgo:
　　"Tumveroincurasanimumdiducimusomnes;"
　　["Indeedweleadthemindintoallsortsofcares。"
　　——AEneid，v。720。]
　　Ihaveathousandthingstodesireandtofear。Togivethemquiteover，isveryeasyformetodo:buttolookafterthemwithouttrouble，isveryhard。’Tisamiserablethingtobeinaplacewhereeverythingyouseeemploysandconcernsyou;andIfancythatImorecheerfullyenjoythepleasuresofanotherman’shouse，andwithgreaterandapurerrelish，thanthoseofmyown。Diogenesansweredaccordingtomyhumourhimwhoaskedhimwhatsortofwinehelikedthebest:"Thatofanother，"
　　saidhe。——[DiogenesLaertius，vi。54。]
　　MyfathertookadelightinbuildingatMontaigne，wherehewasborn;andinallthegovernmentofdomesticaffairsIlovetofollowhisexampleandrules，andIshallengagethosewhoaretosucceedme，asmuchasinmelies，todothesame。CouldIdobetterforhim，Iwould;andamproudthathiswillisstillperformingandactingbyme。GodforbidthatinmyhandsIshouldeversufferanyimageoflife，thatIamabletorendertosogoodafather，tofail。AndwhereverIhavetakeninhandtostrengthensomeoldfoundationsofwalls，andtorepairsomeruinousbuildings，inearnestIhavedoneitmoreoutofrespecttohisdesign，thanmyownsatisfaction;andamangryatmyselfthatIhavenotproceededfurthertofinishthebeginningsheleftinhishouse，andsomuchthemorebecauseIamverylikelytobethelastpossessorofmyrace，andtogivethelasthandtoit。For，astomyownparticularapplication，neitherthepleasureofbuilding，whichtheysayissobewitching，norhunting，norgardens，northeotherpleasuresofaretiredlife，canmuchamuseme。And’tiswhatIamangryatmyselffor，asIamforallotheropinionsthatareincommodioustome;whichIwouldnotsomuchcaretohavevigorousandlearned，asIwouldhavethemeasyandconvenientforlife，theyaretrueandsoundenough，iftheyareusefulandpleasing。Suchashearmedeclaremyignoranceinhusbandry，whisperinmyearthatitisdisdain，andthatIneglecttoknowitsinstruments，itsseasons，itsorder，howtheydressmyvines，howtheygraft，andtoknowthenamesandformsofherbsandfruits，andthepreparingthemeatonwhichIlive，thenamesandpricesofthestuffsI
　　wear，because，saythey;Ihavesetmyheartuponsomehigherknowledge;
　　theykillmeinsayingso。Itisnotdisdain;itisfolly，andratherstupiditythanglory;Ihadratherbeagoodhorsemanthanagoodlogician:
　　"Quintoaliquidsaltempotius，quorumindigetusus，Viminibusmolliqueparasdetexerejunco。"
　　["’Dostthounotratherdosomethingwhichisrequired，andmakeosierandreedbasket。"——Virgil，Eclog。，ii。71。]
　　Weoccupyourthoughtsaboutthegeneral，andaboutuniversalcausesandconducts，whichwillverywellcarryonthemselveswithoutourcare;andleaveourownbusinessatrandom，andMichaelmuchmoreourconcernthanman。NowIam，indeed，forthemostpartathome;butIwouldbetherebetterpleasedthananywhereelse:
　　"Sitmeaesedesutinamsenectae，Sitmoduslassomaris，etviarum，Militiaeque。"
　　["Letmyoldagehaveafixedseat;lettherebealimittofatiguesfromthesea，journeys，warfare。"——Horace，Od。，ii。6，6。]