NothavingthehappinesstoknowGriggins，webecameextremelydesiroustoseesopleasantafellow，themoreespeciallyasastoutgentlemanwithapowderedhead，whowassittingwithhisbreechesbucklesalmosttouchingthehob，whisperedushewasawitofthefirstwater，whenthedooropened，andMr。Grigginsbeingannounced，presentedhimself，amidstanothershoutoflaughterandaloudclappingofhandsfromtheyoungerbranches。Thiswelcomeheacknowledgedbysundrycontortionsofcountenance，imitativeoftheclowninoneofthenewpantomimes，whichweresoextremelysuccessful，thatonestoutgentlemanrolleduponanottomaninaparoxysmofdelight，protesting，withmanygasps，thatifsomebodydidn’tmakethatfellowGrigginsleaveoff，hewouldbethedeathofhim，heknew。Atthisthecompanyonlylaughedmoreboisterouslythanbefore，andaswealwaysliketoaccommodateourtoneandspiritifpossibletothehumourofanysocietyinwhichwefindourself，welaughedwiththerest，andexclaimed，’Oh！
　　capital，capital！’asloudasanyofthem。
　　Whenhehadquiteexhaustedallbeholders，Mr。Grigginsreceivedthewelcomesandcongratulationsofthecircle，andwentthroughtheneedfulintroductionswithmucheaseandmanypuns。Thisceremonyover，heavowedhisintentionofsittinginsomebody’slapunlesstheyoungladiesmaderoomforhimonthesofa，whichbeingdone，afteragreatdealoftitteringandpleasantry，hesqueezedhimselfamongthem，andlikenedhisconditiontothatofloveamongtheroses。Atthisnoveljestweallroaredoncemore。’Youshouldconsideryourselfhighlyhonoured，sir，’saidwe。’Sir，’
　　repliedMr。Griggins，’youdomeproud。’Hereeverybodylaughedagain;andthestoutgentlemanbythefirewhisperedinourearthatGrigginswasmakingadeadsetatus。
　　Thetea—thingshavingbeenremoved，weallsatdowntoaroundgame，andhereMr。Grigginsshoneforthwithpeculiarbrilliancy，abstractingotherpeople’sfish，andlookingovertheirhandsinthemostcomicalmanner。Hemadeonemostexcellentjokeinsnuffingacandle，whichwasneithermorenorlessthansettingfiretothehairofapaleyounggentlemanwhosatnexthim，andafterwardsbegginghispardonwithconsiderablehumour。Astheyounggentlemancouldnotseethejokehowever，possiblyinconsequenceofitsbeingonthetopofhisownhead，itdidnotgooffquiteaswellasitmighthavedone;indeed，theyounggentlemanwasheardtomurmursomegeneralreferencesto’impertinence，’anda’rascal，’andtostatethenumberofhislodgingsinanangrytone—aturnoftheconversationwhichmighthavebeenproductiveofslaughterousconsequences，ifayounglady，betrothedtotheyounggentleman，hadnotusedherimmediateinfluencetobringaboutareconciliation:emphaticallydeclaringinanagitatedwhisper，intendedforhispeculiaredificationbutaudibletothewholetable，thatifhewentoninthatway，sheneverwouldthinkofhimotherwisethanasafriend，thoughasthatshemustalwaysregardhim。Atthisterriblethreattheyounggentlemanbecamecalm，andtheyounglady，overcomebytherevulsionoffeeling，instantaneouslyfainted。
　　Mr。Griggins’sspiritswereslightlydepressedforashortperiodbythisunlooked—forresultofsuchaharmlesspleasantry，butbeingpromptlyelevatedbytheattentionsofthehostandseveralglassesofwine，hesoonrecovered，andbecameevenmorevivaciousthanbefore，insomuchthatthestoutgentlemanpreviouslyreferredto，assuredusthatalthoughhehadknownhimsincehewasTHAT
　　high（somethingsmallerthananutmeg—grater），hehadneverbeheldhiminsuchexcellentcue。
　　Whentheroundgameandseveralgamesatblindman’sbuffwhichfolloweditwereallover，andweweregoingdowntosupper，theinexhaustibleMr。Grigginsproducedasmallsprigofmistletoefromhiswaistcoatpocket，andcommencedageneralkissingoftheassembledfemales，whichoccasionedgreatcommotionandmuchexcitement。Weobservedthatseveralyounggentlemen—includingtheyounggentlemanwiththepalecountenance—weregreatlyscandalisedatthisindecorousproceeding，andtalkedverybigamongthemselvesincorners;andweobservedtoo，thatseveralyoungladieswhenremonstratedwithbytheaforesaidyounggentlemen，calledeachothertowitnesshowtheyhadstruggled，andprotestedvehementlythatitwasveryrude，andthattheyweresurprisedatMrs。Brown’sallowingit，andthattheycouldn’tbearit，andhadnopatiencewithsuchimpertinence。Butsuchisthegentleandforgivingnatureofwoman，thatalthoughwelookedverynarrowlyforit，wecouldnotdetecttheslightestharshnessinthesubsequenttreatmentofMr。Griggins。Indeed，uponthewhole，itstruckusthatamongtheladiesheseemedrathermorepopularthanbefore！
　　TorecountallthedrolleryofMr。Grigginsatsupper，wouldfillsuchatinyvolumeasthis，totheverybottomoftheoutsidecover。Howhedrankoutofotherpeople’sglasses，andateofotherpeople’sbread，howhefrightenedintoscreamingconvulsionsalittleboywhowassittinguptosupperinahighchair，bysinkingbelowthetableandsuddenlyreappearingwithamaskon;
　　howthehostesswasreallysurprisedthatanybodycouldfindapleasureintormentingchildren，andhowthehostfrownedatthehostess，andfeltconvincedthatMr。Grigginshaddoneitwiththeverybestintentions;howMr。Grigginsexplained，andhoweverybody’sgood—humourwasrestoredbutthechild’s;—totelltheseandahundredotherthingseversobriefly，wouldoccupymoreofourroomandourreaders’patience，thaneithertheyorwecanconvenientlyspare。Thereforewechangethesubject，merelyobservingthatwehaveofferednodescriptionofthefunnyyounggentleman’spersonalappearance，believingthatalmosteverysocietyhasaGrigginsofitsown，andleavingallreaderstosupplythedeficiency，accordingtotheparticularcircumstancesoftheirparticularcase。
　　THETHEATRICALYOUNGGENTLEMAN
　　Allgentlemenwholovethedrama—andtherearefewgentlemenwhoarenotattachedtothemostintellectualandrationalofallouramusements—donotcomewithinthisdefinition。Aswehavenomeanrelishfortheatricalentertainmentsourself，wearedisinterestedlyanxiousthatthisshouldbeperfectlyunderstood。
　　Thetheatricalyounggentlemanhasearlyandimportantinformationonalltheatricaltopics。’Well，’sayshe，abruptly，whenyoumeethiminthestreet，’here’saprettyto—do。FlimkinshasthrownuphispartinthemelodramaattheSurrey。’—’Andwhat’stobedone？’youinquirewithasmuchgravityasyoucancounterfeit。
　　’Ah，that’sthepoint，’repliesthetheatricalyounggentleman，lookingveryserious;’Boozledeclinesit;positivelydeclinesit。
　　FromallIamtold，IshouldsayitwasdecidedlyinBoozle’sline，andthathewouldbeverylikelytomakeagreathitinit;butheobjectsonthegroundofFlimkinshavingbeenputupinthepartfirst，andsaysnoearthlypowershallinducehimtotakethecharacter。It’safinepart，too—excellentbusiness，I’mtold。
　　Hehastokillsixpeopleinthecourseofthepiece，andtofightoverabridgeinredfire，whichisassafeacard，youknow，ascanbe。Don’tmentionit;butIhearthatthelastscene，whenheisfirstpoisoned，andthenstabbed，byMrs。FlimkinsasVengedora，willbethegreatestthingthathasbeendonethesemanyyears。’
　　Withthispieceofnews，andlayinghisfingeronhislipsasacautionforyounottoexcitethetownwithit，thetheatricalyounggentlemanhurriesaway。
　　Thetheatricalyounggentleman，fromoftenfrequentingthedifferenttheatricalestablishments，haspetandfamiliarnamesforthemall。ThusCovent—Gardenisthegarden，Drury—Lanethelane，theVictoriathevic，andtheOlympicthepic。Actresses，too，arealwaysdesignatedbytheirsurnamesonly，asTaylor，Nisbett，Faucit，Honey;thattalentedandlady—likegirlSheriff，thatcleverlittlecreatureHorton，andsoon。InthesamemannerheprefixesChristiannameswhenhementionsactors，asCharleyYoung，JemmyBuckstone，Fred。Yates，PaulBedford。WhenheisatalossforaChristianname，theword’old’appliedindiscriminatelyanswersquiteaswell:asoldCharleyMatthewsatVestris’s，oldHarley，andoldBraham。Hehasagreatknowledgeoftheprivateproceedingsofactresses，especiallyoftheirgettingmarried，andcantellyouinabreathhalf—a—dozenwhohavechangedtheirnameswithoutavowingit。Wheneveranalterationofthiskindismadeintheplaybills，hewillremindyouthatheletyouintothesecretsixmonthsago。
　　Thetheatricalyounggentlemanhasagreatreverenceforallthatisconnectedwiththestagedepartmentofthedifferenttheatres。
　　Hewould，atanytime，prefergoingastreetortwooutofhisway，toomittingtopassastage—entrance，intowhichhealwayslookswithacuriousandsearchingeye。Ifhecanonlyidentifyapopularactorinthestreet，heisinaperfecttransportofdelight;andnosoonermeetshim，thanhehurriesback，andwalksafewpacesinfrontofhim，sothathecanturnroundfromtimetotime，andhaveagoodstareathisfeatures。Helooksuponatheatrical—funddinnerasoneofthemostenchantingfestivitieseverknown;andthinksthattobeamemberoftheGarrickClub，andseesomanyactorsintheirplainclothes，mustbeoneofthehighestgratificationstheworldcanbestow。
　　Thetheatricalyounggentlemanisaconstanthalf—pricevisitoratoneorotherofthetheatres，andhasaninfiniterelishforallpieceswhichdisplaythefullestresourcesoftheestablishment。
　　Helikestoplaceimplicitrelianceupontheplay—billswhenhegoestoseeashow—piece，andworkshimselfuptosuchapitchofenthusiasm，asnotonlytobelieve（ifthebillssayso）thattherearethreehundredandseventy—fivepeopleonthestageatonetimeinthelastscene，butishighlyindignantwithyou，unlessyoubelieveitalso。Heconsidersthatifthestagebeopenedfromthefoot—lightstothebackwall，inanynewplay，thepieceisatriumphofdramaticwriting，andapplaudsaccordingly。Hehasagreatnotionoftrap—doorstoo;andthinksanycharactergoingdownorcomingupatrap（nomatterwhetherhebeanangelorademon—
　　theybothdoitoccasionally）oneofthemostinterestingfeatsinthewholerangeofscenicillusion。
　　Besidestheseacquirements，hehasseveralveraciousaccountstocommunicateoftheprivatemannersandcustomsofdifferentactors，which，duringthepausesofaquadrille，heusuallycommunicatestohispartner，orimpartstohisneighbouratasuppertable。Thusheisadvised，thatMr。Listonalwayshadafootmaningorgeousliverywaitingattheside—scenewithabrandybottleandtumbler，toadministerhalfapintorsoofspirittohimeverytimehecameoff，withoutwhichassistancehemustinfalliblyhavefainted。Heknowsforafact，that，afteranarduouspart，Mr。GeorgeBennettisputbetweentwofeatherbeds，toabsorbtheperspiration;andiscrediblyinformed，thatMr。Bakerhas，formanyyears，submittedtoacourseoflukewarmtoast—and—water，toqualifyhimtosustainhisfavouritecharacters。HelooksuponMr。FitzBallastheprincipaldramaticgeniusandpoetoftheday;butholdsthattherearegreatwritersextantbesideshim，—inproofwhereofherefersyoutovariousdramasandmelodramasrecentlyproduced，ofwhichhetakesinallthesixpennyandthree—pennyeditionsasfastastheyappear。
　　Thetheatricalyounggentlemanisagreatadvocateforviolenceofemotionandredundancyofaction。Ifafatherhastocurseachilduponthestage，helikestoseeitdoneinthethorough—goingstyle，withnomistakeaboutit:towhichenditisessentialthatthechildshouldfollowthefatheronherknees，andbeknockedviolentlyoveronherfacebytheoldgentlemanashegoesintoasmallcottage，andshutsthedoorbehindhim。Helikestoseeablessinginvokedupontheyounglady，whentheoldgentlemanrepents，withequalearnestness，andaccompaniedbytheusualconventionalforms，whichconsistoftheoldgentlemanlookinganxiouslyupintotheclouds，asiftoseewhetheritrains，andthenspreadinganimaginarytableclothintheairovertheyounglady’shead—softmusicplayingallthewhile。Uponthese，andotherpointsofasimilarkind，thetheatricalyounggentlemanisagreatcriticindeed。Heislikewiseveryacuteinjudgingofnaturalexpressionsofthepassions，andknowspreciselythefrown，wink，nod，orleer，whichstandsforanyoneofthem，orthemeansbywhichitmaybeconvertedintoanyother:asjealousy，withagoodstampoftherightfoot，becomesanger;orwildness，withthehandsclaspedbeforethethroat，insteadoftearingthewig，ispassionatelove。Ifyouventuretoexpressadoubtoftheaccuracyofanyoftheseportraitures，thetheatricalyounggentlemanassuresyou，withahaughtysmile，thatitalwayshasbeendoneinthatway，andhesupposestheyarenotgoingtochangeitatthistimeofdaytopleaseyou;towhich，ofcourse，youmeeklyreplythatyousupposenot。
　　Thereareinnumerabledisquisitionsofthisnature，inwhichthetheatricalyounggentlemanisveryprofound，especiallytoladieswhomheismostinthehabitofentertainingwiththem;butaswehavenospacetorecapitulatethematgreaterlength，wemustrestcontentwithcallingtheattentionoftheyoungladiesingeneraltothetheatricalyounggentlemenoftheirownacquaintance。
　　THEPOETICALYOUNGGENTLEMAN
　　Timewas，andnotverylongagoeither，whenasingularepidemicragedamongtheyounggentlemen，vastnumbersofwhom，undertheinfluenceofthemalady，toreofftheirneckerchiefs，turneddowntheirshirtcollars，andexhibitedthemselvesintheopenstreetswithbarethroatsanddejectedcountenances，beforetheeyesofanastonishedpublic。Thesewerepoeticalyounggentlemen。Thecustomwasgraduallyfoundtobeinconvenient，asinvolvingthenecessityoftoomuchcleanlinenandtoolargewashingbills，andtheseoutwardsymptomshaveconsequentlypassedaway;butwearedisposedtothink，notwithstanding，thatthenumberofpoeticalyounggentlemenisconsiderablyontheincrease。
　　Weknowapoeticalyounggentleman—averypoeticalyounggentleman。Wedonotmeantosaythatheistroubledwiththegiftofpoesyinanyremarkabledegree，buthiscountenanceisofaplaintiveandmelancholycast，hismannerisabstractedandbespeaksafflictionofsoul:heseldomhashishaircut，andoftentalksaboutbeinganoutcastandwantingakindredspirit;fromwhich，aswellasfrommanygeneralobservationsinwhichheiswonttoindulge，concerningmysteriousimpulses，andyearningsoftheheart，andthesupremacyofintellectgildingallearthlythingswiththeglowingmagicofimmortalverse，itiscleartoallhisfriendsthathehasbeenstrickenpoetical。
　　Thefavouriteattitudeofthepoeticalyounggentlemanisloungingonasofawithhiseyesfixedupontheceiling，orsittingboltuprightinahigh—backedchair，staringwithveryroundeyesattheoppositewall。Whenheisinoneofthesepositions，hismother，whoisaworthy，affectionateoldsoul，willgiveyouanudgetobespeakyourattentionwithoutdisturbingtheabstractedone，andwhisperwithashakeofthehead，thatJohn’simaginationisatsomeextraordinaryworkorother，youmaytakeherwordforit。
　　HereuponJohnlooksmorefiercelyintentuponvacancythanbefore，andsuddenlysnatchingapencilfromhispocket，putsdownthreewords，andacrossonthebackofacard，sighsdeeply，pacesonceortwiceacrosstheroom，inflictsamostunmercifulslapuponhishead，andwalksmoodilyuptohisdormitory。
　　Thepoeticalyounggentlemanisapttoacquirepeculiarnotionsofthingstoo，whichplainordinarypeople，unblessedwithapoeticalobliquityofvision，wouldsupposetoberatherdistorted。Forinstance，whenthesickeningmurderandmanglingofawretchedwomanwasaffordingdeliciousfoodwherewithaltogorgetheinsatiablecuriosityofthepublic，ourfriendthepoeticalyounggentlemanwasinecstasies—notofdisgust，butadmiration。
　　’Heavens！’criedthepoeticalyounggentleman，’howgrand;howgreat！’Weventureddeferentiallytoinquireuponwhomtheseepithetswerebestowed:ourhumblethoughtsoscillatingbetweenthepoliceofficerwhofoundthecriminal，andthelock—keeperwhofoundthehead。’Uponwhom！’exclaimedthepoeticalyounggentlemaninafrenzyofpoetry，’Uponwhomshouldtheybebestowedbutuponthemurderer！’—andthereuponitcameout，inafinetorrentofeloquence，thatthemurdererwasagreatspirit，aboldcreaturefullofdaringandnerve，amanofdauntlessheartanddeterminedcourage，andwithalagreatcasuistandablereasoner，aswasfullydemonstratedinhisphilosophicalcolloquieswiththegreatandnobleoftheland。Weheldourpeace，andmeeklysignifiedourindispositiontocontroverttheseopinions—firstly，becausewewerenomatchatquotationforthepoeticalyounggentleman;andsecondly，becausewefeltitwouldbeoflittleuseourenteringintoanydisputation，ifwewere:beingperfectlyconvincedthattherespectableandimmoralheroinquestionisnotthefirstandwillnotbethelasthangedgentlemanuponwhomfalsesympathyordiseasedcuriositywillbeplentifullyexpended。
　　Thiswasasternmysticflightofthepoeticalyounggentleman。Inhismilderandsoftermomentsheoccasionallylaysdownhisneckcloth，andpensstanzas，whichsometimesfindtheirwayintoaLady’sMagazine，orthe’Poets’Corner’ofsomecountrynewspaper;
　　orwhich，indefaultofeitherventforhisgenius，adorntherainbowleavesofalady’salbum。ThesearegenerallywrittenuponsomesuchoccasionsascontemplatingtheBankofEnglandbymidnight，orbeholdingSaintPaul’sinasnow—storm;andwhenthesegloomyobjectsfailtoaffordhiminspiration，hepoursforthhissoulinatouchingaddresstoaviolet，oraplaintivelamentthatheisnolongerachild，buthasgraduallygrownup。
　　Thepoeticalyounggentlemanisfondofquotingpassagesfromhisfavouriteauthors，whoareallofthegloomyanddespondingschool。
　　Hehasagreatdealtosaytooabouttheworld，andismuchgiventoopining，especiallyifhehastakenanythingstrongtodrink，thatthereisnothinginitworthlivingfor。Hegivesyoutounderstand，however，thatforthesakeofsociety，hemeanstobearhispartinthetiresomeplay，manfullyresistingthegratificationofhisownstrongdesiretomakeaprematureexit;andconsoleshimselfwiththereflection，thatimmortalityhassomechosennookforhimselfandtheothergreatspiritswhomearthhaschafedandwearied。
　　Whenthepoeticalyounggentlemanmakesuseofadjectives，theyareallsuperlatives。Everythingisofthegrandest，greatest，noblest，mightiest，loftiest;orthelowest，meanest，obscurest，vilest，andmostpitiful。Heknowsnomedium:forenthusiasmisthesoulofpoetry;andwhosoenthusiasticasapoeticalyounggentleman？’Mr。Milkwash，’saysayoungladyassheunlocksheralbumtoreceivetheyounggentleman’soriginalimpromptucontribution，’howverysilentyouare！Ithinkyoumustbeinlove。’’Love！’criesthepoeticalyounggentleman，startingfromhisseatbythefireandterrifyingthecatwhoscampersoffatfullspeed，’Love！thatburning，consumingpassion;thatardourofthesoul，thatfierceglowingoftheheart。Love！Thewithering，blightinginfluenceofhopemisplacedandaffectionslighted。Lovedidyousay！Ha！ha！ha！’
　　Withthis，thepoeticalyounggentlemanlaughsalaughbelongingonlytopoetsandMr。O。SmithoftheAdelphiTheatre，andsitsdown，peninhand，tothrowoffapageortwoofverseinthebiting，semi—atheisticaldemoniacstyle，which，likethepoeticalyounggentlemanhimself，isfullofsoundandfury，signifyingnothing。