Perhapshisgreatesttopicofall，though，isthepeople。Ifafighttakesplaceinapopuloustown，inwhichmanynosesarebroken，andafewwindows，theyounggentlemanthrowsdownthenewspaperwithatriumphantair，andexclaims，’Here’syourpreciouspeople！’Ifhalf—a—dozenboysrunacrossthecourseatracetime，whenitoughttobekeptclear，theyounggentlemanlooksindignantlyround，andbegsyoutoobservetheconductofthepeople;ifthegallerydemandahornpipebetweentheplayandtheafterpiece，thesameyounggentlemancries’No’and’Shame’tillheishoarse，andtheninquireswithasneerwhatyouthinkofpopularmoderationNOW;inshort，thepeopleformanever—failingthemeforhim;andwhentheattorney，onthesideofhiscandidate，dwellsuponitwithgreatpowerofeloquenceatelectiontime，asheneverfailstodo，theyounggentlemanandhisfriends，andthebodytheyhead，cheerwithgreatviolenceagainstTHEOTHERPEOPLE，withwhom，ofcourse，theyhavenopossibleconnexion。Inmuchthesamemannertheaudienceatatheatreneverfailtobehighlyamusedwithanyjokesattheexpenseofthepublic—alwayslaughingheartilyatsomeotherpublic，andneveratthemselves。
　　IfthepoliticalyounggentlemanbeaRadical，heisusuallyaveryprofoundpersonindeed，havinggreatstoreoftheoreticalquestionstoputtoyou，withaninfinitevarietyofpossiblecasesandlogicaldeductionstherefrom。Ifhebeoftheutilitarianschool，too，whichismorethanprobable，heisparticularlypleasantcompany，havingmanyingeniousremarkstoofferuponthevoluntaryprincipleandvariouscheerfuldisquisitionsconnectedwiththepopulationofthecountry，thepositionofGreatBritaininthescaleofnations，andthebalanceofpower。Thenheisexceedinglywellversedinalldoctrinesofpoliticaleconomyaslaiddowninthenewspapers，andknowsagreatmanyparliamentaryspeechesbyheart;nay，hehasasmallstockofaphorisms，noneofthemexceedingacoupleoflinesinlength，whichwillsettlethetoughestquestionandleaveyounothingtosay。Hegivesalltheyoungladiestounderstand，thatMissMartineauisthegreatestwomanthateverlived;andwhentheypraisethegoodlooksofMr。
　　Hawkinsthenewmember，sayshe’sverywellforarepresentative，allthingsconsidered，buthewantsalittlecallingtoaccount，andheismorethanhalfafraiditwillbenecessarytobringhimdownonhiskneesforthatvoteonthemiscellaneousestimates。Atthis，theyoungladiesexpressmuchwonderment，andsaysurelyaMemberofParliamentisnottobebroughtuponhiskneessoeasily;
　　inreplytowhichthepoliticalyounggentlemansmilessternly，andthrowsoutdarkhintsregardingthespeedyarrivalofthatday，whenMembersofParliamentwillbepaidsalaries，andrequiredtorenderweeklyaccountsoftheirproceedings，atwhichtheyoungladiesuttermanyexpressionsofastonishmentandincredulity，whiletheirlady—mothersregardtheprophecyaslittleelsethanblasphemous。
　　Itisextremelyimprovingandinterestingtoheartwopoliticalyounggentlemen，ofdiverseopinions，discusssomegreatquestionacrossadinner—table;suchas，whether，ifthepublicwereadmittedtoWestminsterAbbeyfornothing，theywouldorwouldnotconveysmallchiselsandhammersintheirpockets，andimmediatelysetaboutchippingallthenosesoffthestatues;orwhether，iftheyoncegotintotheTowerforashilling，theywouldnotinsistupontryingthecrownontheirownheads，andloadingandfiringoffallthesmallarmsinthearmoury，tothegreatdiscomposureofWhitechapelandtheMinories。Uponthese，andmanyothermomentousquestionswhichagitatethepublicmindinthesedesperatedays，theywilldiscoursewithgreatvehemenceandirritationforaconsiderabletimetogether，bothleavingoffpreciselywheretheybegan，andeachthoroughlypersuadedthathehasgotthebetteroftheother。
　　Insociety，atassemblies，balls，andplayhouses，thesepoliticalyounggentlemenareperpetuallyonthewatchforapoliticalallusion，oranythingwhichcanbetorturedorconstruedintobeingone;when，thrustingthemselvesintotheverysmallestopeningsfortheirfavouritediscourse，theyfallupontheunhappycompanytoothandnail。Theyhaverecentlyhadmanyfavourableopportunitiesofopeninginchurches，butastheretheclergymanhasitallhisownway，andmustnotbecontradicted，whateverpoliticshepreaches，theyarefaintoholdtheirtonguesuntiltheyreachtheouterdoor，thoughattheimminentriskofburstingintheeffort。
　　Assuchdiscussionscanpleasenobodybutthetalkativepartiesconcerned，wehopetheywillhenceforthtakethehintanddiscontinuethem，otherwisewenowgivethemwarning，thattheladieshaveouradvicetodiscountenancesuchtalkersaltogether。
　　THEDOMESTICYOUNGGENTLEMAN
　　Letusmakeaslightsketchofouramiablefriend，Mr。FelixNixon。
　　Wearestronglydisposedtothink，thatifweputhiminthisplace，hewillanswerourpurposewithoutanotherwordofcomment。
　　Felix，then，isayounggentlemanwholivesathomewithhismother，justwithinthetwopenny—postofficecircleofthreemilesfromSt。Martin—le—Grand。HewearsIndiarubbergolosheswhentheweatherisatalldamp，andalwayshasasilkhandkerchiefneatlyfoldedupintheright—handpocketofhisgreat—coat，totieoverhismouthwhenhegoeshomeatnight;moreover，beingrathernear—
　　sighted，hecarriesspectaclesforparticularoccasions，andhasaweakishtremulousvoice，ofwhichhemakesgreatuse，forhetalksasmuchasanyoldladybreathing。
　　ThetwochiefsubjectsofFelix’sdiscourse，arehimselfandhismother，bothofwhomwouldappeartobeverywonderfulandinterestingpersons。AsFelixandhismotherareseldomapartinbody，soFelixandhismotherarescarcelyeverseparateinspirit。
　　IfyouaskFelixhowhefindshimselfto—day，heprefaceshisreplywithalongandminutebulletinofhismother’sstateofhealth;
　　andthegoodladyinherturn，edifiesheracquaintancewithacircumstantialandalarmingaccount，howhesneezedfourtimesandcoughedonceafterbeingoutintheraintheothernight，buthavinghisfeetpromptlyputintohotwater，andhisheadintoaflannel—something，whichwewillnotdescribemoreparticularlythanbythisdelicateallusion，washappilybroughtroundbythenextmorning，andenabledtogotobusinessasusual。
　　Ourfriendisnotaveryadventurousorhot—headedperson，buthehaspassedthroughmanydangers，ashismothercantestify:thereisonegreatstoryinparticular，concerningahackneycoachmanwhowantedtooverchargehimonenightforbringingthemhomefromtheplay，uponwhichFelixgavetheaforesaidcoachmanalookwhichhismotherthoughtwouldhavecrushedhimtotheearth，butwhichdidnotcrushhimquite，forhecontinuedtodemandanothersixpence，notwithstandingthatFelixtookouthispocket—book，and，withtheaidofaflatcandle，pointedoutthefareinprint，whichthecoachmanobstinatelydisregarding，heshutthestreet—doorwithaslamwhichhismothershudderstothinkof;andthen，rousedtothemostappallingpitchofpassionbythecoachmanknockingadoubleknocktoshowthathewasbynomeansconvinced，hebrokewithuncontrollableforcefromhisparentandtheservantgirl，andrunningintothestreetwithouthishat，actuallyshookhisfistatthecoachman，andcamebackagainwithafaceaswhite，Mrs。Nixonsays，lookingaboutherforasimile，aswhiteasthatceiling。
　　Sheneverwillforgethisfurythatnight，Never！
　　TothisaccountFelixlistenswithasolemnface，occasionallylookingatyoutoseehowitaffectsyou，andwhenhismotherhasmadeanendofit，addsthathelookedateverycoachmanhemetforthreeweeksafterwards，inhopesthathemightseethescoundrel;
　　whereuponMrs。Nixon，withanexclamationofterror，requeststoknowwhathewouldhavedonetohimifheHADseenhim，atwhichFelixsmilingdarklyandclenchinghisrightfist，sheexclaims，’Goodnessgracious！’withadistractedair，andinsistsuponextortingapromisethatheneverwillonanyaccountdoanythingsorash，whichherdutifulson—itbeingsomethingmorethanthreeyearssincetheoffencewascommitted—reluctantlyconcedes，andhismother，shakingherheadprophetically，fearswithasighthathisspiritwillleadhimintosomethingviolentyet。Thediscoursethen，byaneasytransition，turnsuponthespiritwhichglowswithinthebosomofFelix，uponwhichpointFelixhimselfbecomeseloquent，andrelatesathrillinganecdoteofthetimewhenheusedtosituptilltwoo’clockinthemorningreadingFrench，andhowhismotherusedtosay，’Felix，youwillmakeyourselfill，Iknowyouwill;’andhowHEusedtosay，’Mother，Idon’tcare—Iwilldoit;’andhowatlasthismotherprivatelyprocuredadoctortocomeandseehim，whodeclared，themomenthefelthispulse，thatifhehadgoneonreadingonenightmore—onlyonenightmore—hemusthaveputablisteroneachtemple，andanotherbetweenhisshoulders;andwho，asitwas，satdownupontheinstant，andwritingaprescriptionforabluepill，saiditmustbetakenimmediately，orhewouldn’tanswerfortheconsequences。Therecitaloftheseandmanyothermovingperilsofthelikenature，constantlyharrowsupthefeelingsofMr。Nixon’sfriends。
　　Mrs。Nixonhasatolerablyextensivecircleoffemaleacquaintance，beingagood—humoured，talkative，bustlinglittlebody，andtotheunmarriedgirlsamongthemsheisconstantlyvauntingthevirtuesofherson，hintingthatshewillbeaveryhappypersonwhowinshim，butthattheymustmindtheirP’sandQ’s，forheisveryparticular，andterriblysevereuponyoungladies。Atthislastcautiontheyoungladiesresidentinthesamerow，whohappentobespendingtheeveningthere，puttheirpocket—handkerchiefsbeforetheirmouths，andaretroubledwithashortcough;justthenFelixknocksatthedoor，andhismotherdrawingthetea—tablenearerthefire，callsouttohimashetakesoffhisbootsinthebackparlourthatheneedn’tmindcomingininhisslippers，forthereareonlythetwoMissGreysandMissThompson，andsheisquitesuretheywillexcuseHIM，andnoddingtothetwoMissGreys，sheadds，inawhisper，thatJuliaThompsonisagreatfavouritewithFelix，atwhichintelligencetheshortcoughcomesagain，andMissThompsoninparticularisgreatlytroubledwithit，tillFelixcomingin，veryfaintforwantofhistea，changesthesubjectofdiscourse，andenableshertolaughoutboldlyandtellAmeliaGreynottobesofoolish。Heretheyallthreelaugh，andMrs。Nixonsaystheyaregiddygirls;inwhichstageoftheproceedings，Felix，whohasbythistimerefreshenedhimselfwiththegratefulherbthat’cheersbutnotinebriates，’removeshiscupfromhiscountenanceandsayswithaknowingsmile，thatallgirlsare;
　　whereathisadmiringmammapatshimonthebackandtellshimnottobesly，whichcallsforthagenerallaughfromtheyoungladies，andanothersmilefromFelix，who，thinkinghelooksveryslyindeed，isperfectlysatisfied。
　　Teabeingover，theyoungladiesresumetheirwork，andFelixinsistsuponholdingaskeinofsilkwhileMissThompsonwindsitonacard。Thisprocesshavingbeenperformedtothesatisfactionofallparties，hebringsdownhisfluteincompliancewitharequestfromtheyoungestMissGrey，andplaysdiverstunesoutofaverysmallmusic—booktillsupper—time，whenheisveryfacetiousandtalkativeindeed。Finally，afterhalfatumblerfulofwarmsherryandwater，hegallantlyputsonhisgoloshesoverhisslippers，andtellingMissThompson’sservanttorunonfirstandgetthedooropen，escortsthatyoungladytoherhouse，fivedoorsoff:theMissGreyswholiveinthenexthousebutonestoppingtopeepwithmerryfacesfromtheirowndoortillhecomesbackagain，whentheycallout’Verywell，Mr。Felix，’andtripintothepassagewithalaughmoremusicalthananyflutethatwaseverplayed。
　　Felixisratherpriminhisappearance，andperhapsalittlepriggishabouthisbooksandflute，andsoforth，whichhavealltheirpeculiarcornersofpeculiarshelvesinhisbedroom;indeedallhisfemaleacquaintance（andtheyaregoodjudges）havelongagosethimdownasathorougholdbachelor。Heisafavouritewiththemhowever，inacertainway，asanhonest，inoffensive，kind—heartedcreature;andashispeculiaritiesharmnobody，notevenhimself，weareinducedtohopethatmanywhoarenotpersonallyacquaintedwithhimwilltakeourgoodwordinhisbehalf，andbecontenttoleavehimtoalongcontinuanceofhisharmlessexistence。
　　THECENSORIOUSYOUNGGENTLEMAN
　　Thereisanamiablekindofyounggentlemangoingaboutinsociety，uponwhom，aftermuchexperienceofhim，andconsiderableturningoverofthesubjectinourmind，wefeelitourdutytoaffixtheaboveappellation。Youngladiesmildlycallhima’sarcastic’
　　younggentleman，ora’severe’younggentleman。We，whoknowbetter，begtoacquaintthemwiththefact，thatheismerelyacensoriousyounggentleman，andnothingelse。
　　Thecensoriousyounggentlemanhasthereputationamonghisfamiliarsofaremarkablycleverperson，whichhemaintainsbyreceivingallintelligenceandexpressingallopinionswithadubioussneer，accompaniedwithahalfsmile，expressiveofanythingyoupleasebutgood—humour。Thissetspeopleaboutthinkingwhatonearththecensoriousyounggentlemanmeans，andtheyspeedilyarriveattheconclusionthathemeanssomethingverydeepindeed;fortheyreasoninthisway—’Thisyounggentlemanlookssoveryknowingthathemustmeansomething，andasIambynomeansadullindividual，whataverydeepmeaninghemusthaveifIcan’tfinditout！’Itisextraordinaryhowsoonacensoriousyounggentlemanmaymakeareputationinhisownsmallcircleifhebearthisinhismind，andregulatehisproceedingsaccordingly。
　　Asyoungladiesaregenerally—notcurious，butlaudablydesiroustoacquireinformation，thecensoriousyounggentlemanismuchtalkedaboutamongthem，andmanysurmisesarehazardedregardinghim。’Iwonder，’exclaimstheeldestMissGreenwood，layingdownherworktoturnupthelamp，’IwonderwhetherMr。Fairfaxwilleverbemarried。’’Blessme，dear，’criesMissMarshall，’whatevermadeyouthinkofhim？’’ReallyIhardlyknow，’repliesMissGreenwood;’heissuchaverymysteriousperson，thatIoftenwonderabouthim。’’Well，totellyouthetruth，’repliesMissMarshall，’andsodoI。’Heretwootheryoungladiesprofessthattheyareconstantlydoingthelike，andallpresentappearinthesameconditionexceptoneyounglady，who，notscruplingtostatethatsheconsidersMr。Fairfax’ahorror，’drawsdownalltheoppositionoftheothers，whichhavingbeenexpressedinagreatmanyejaculatorypassages，suchas’Well，didIever！’—and’Lor，Emily，dear！’matakesupthesubject，andgravelystates，thatshemustsayshedoesnotthinkMr。Fairfaxbyanymeansahorror，butrathertakeshimtobeayoungmanofverygreatability;’andIamquitesure，’addstheworthylady，’healwaysmeansagreatdealmorethanhesays。’
　　Thedooropensatthispointofthedisclosure，andwhoofallpeoplealivewalksintotheroom，buttheveryMr。Fairfax，whohasbeenthesubjectofconversation！’Well，itreallyiscurious，’
　　criesma，’wewereatthatverymomenttalkingaboutyou。’’Youdidmegreathonour，’repliesMr。Fairfax;’mayIventuretoaskwhatyouweresaying？’’Why，ifyoumustknow，’returnstheeldestgirl，’wewereremarkingwhataverymysteriousmanyouare。’’Ay，ay！’observesMr。Fairfax，’Indeed！’NowMr。Fairfaxsaysthisay，ay，andindeed，whichareslightwordsenoughinthemselves，withsoveryunfathomableanair，andaccompaniesthemwithsuchaveryequivocalsmile，thatmaandtheyoungladiesaremorethaneverconvincedthathemeansanimmensity，andsotellhimheisaverydangerousman，andseemstobealwaysthinkingillofsomebody，whichispreciselythesortofcharacterthecensoriousyounggentlemanismostdesiroustoestablish;whereforehesays，’Oh，dear，no，’inatone，obviouslyintendedtomean，’Youhavemethere，’andwhichgivesthemtounderstandthattheyhavehittherightnailontheverycentreofitshead。
　　Whentheconversationrangesfromthemysteryoverhangingthecensoriousyounggentleman’sbehaviour，tothegeneraltopicsoftheday，hesustainshischaractertoadmiration。Heconsidersthenewtragedywellenoughforanewtragedy，butLordblessus—
　　well，nomatter;hecouldsayagreatdealonthatpoint，buthewouldrathernot，lestheshouldbethoughtill—natured，asheknowshewouldbe。’ButisnotMr。So—and—so’sperformancetrulycharming？’inquiresayounglady。’Charming！’repliesthecensoriousyounggentleman。’Oh，dear，yes，certainly;verycharming—oh，verycharmingindeed。’Afterthis，hestirsthefire，smilingcontemptuouslyallthewhile:andamodestyounggentleman，whohasbeenasilentlistener，thinkswhatagreatthingitmustbe，tohavesuchacriticaljudgment。Ofmusic，pictures，books，andpoetry，thecensoriousyounggentlemanhasanequallyfineconception。Astomenandwomen，hecantellallaboutthemataglance。’NowletushearyouropinionofyoungMrs。Barker，’sayssomegreatbelieverinthepowersofMr。
　　Fairfax，’butdon’tbetoosevere。’’Ineveramsevere，’repliesthecensoriousyounggentleman。’Well，nevermindthatnow。Sheisverylady—like，isshenot？’’Lady—like！’repeatsthecensoriousyounggentleman（forhealwaysrepeatswhenheisatalossforanythingtosay）。’Didyouobservehermanner？Blessmyheartandsoul，Mrs。Thompson，didyouobservehermanner？—that’sallIask。’’IthoughtIhaddoneso，’rejoinsthepoorlady，muchperplexed;’Ididnotobserveitverycloselyperhaps。’’Oh，notveryclosely，’rejoinsthecensoriousyounggentleman，triumphantly。’Verygood;thenIdid。Letustalknomoreabouther。’Thecensoriousyounggentlemanpursesuphislips，andnodshisheadsagely，ashesaysthis;anditisforthwithwhisperedabout，thatMr。Fairfax（who，thoughheisalittleprejudiced，mustbeadmittedtobeaveryexcellentjudge）hasobservedsomethingexceedinglyoddinMrs。Barker’smanner。
　　THEFUNNYYOUNGGENTLEMAN
　　AsonefunnyyounggentlemanwillserveasasampleofallfunnyyoungGentlemenwepurposemerelytonotedowntheconductandbehaviourofanindividualspecimenofthisclass，whomwehappenedtomeetatanannualfamilyChristmaspartyinthecourseofthisverylastChristmasthatevercame。
　　Wewereallseatedroundablazingfirewhichcrackledpleasantlyasthegueststalkedmerrilyandtheurnsteamedcheerily—for，beinganold—fashionedparty，thereWASanurn，andateapotbesides—whentherecameapostman’sknockatthedoor，soviolentandsudden，thatitstartledthewholecircle，andactuallycausedtwoorthreeveryinterestingandmostunaffectedyoungladiestoscreamaloudandtoexhibitmanyafflictingsymptomsofterroranddistress，untiltheyhadbeenseveraltimesassuredbytheirrespectiveadorers，thattheywereinnodanger。Wewereabouttoremarkthatitwassurelybeyondpost—time，andmusthavebeenarunawayknock，whenourhost，whohadhithertobeenparalysedwithwonder，sankintoachairinaperfectecstasyoflaughter，andofferedtolaytwentypoundsthatitwasthatdrolldogGriggins。
　　Hehadnosoonersaidthis，thanthemajorityofthecompanyandallthechildrenofthehouseburstintoaroaroflaughtertoo，asifsomeinimitablejokeflasheduponthemsimultaneously，andgaveventtovariousexclamationsof—TobesureitmustbeGriggins，andHowlikehimthatwas，andWhatspiritshewasalwaysin！withmanyothercommendatoryremarksofthelikenature。