InamomentSylviahadsprungupfromherseat,andwasrunningintosootheandcomforthermother'stroubledfancies。Philipsateonbythewell—side,hisfaceburiedinhistwohands。Presentlyheliftedhimselfup,dranksomewatereagerlyoutofhishollowedpalm,sighed,andshookhimself,andfollowedhiscousinintothehouse。Sometimeshecameunexpectedlytothelimitsofhisinfluenceoverher。Ingeneralsheobeyedhisexpressedwisheswithgentleindifference,asifshehadnopreferencesofherown;onceortwicehefoundthatshewasdoingwhathedesiredoutofthespiritofobedience,which,ashermother'sdaughter,shebelievedtobeherdutytowardsheraffiancedhusband。Andthislastmotiveforactiondepressedherlovermorethananything。HewantedtheoldSylviabackagain;captious,capricious,wilful,haughty,merry,charming。
Alas!thatSylviawasgoneforever。Butonceespeciallyhispower,arisingfromwhatevercause,wasstoppedentirelyshort——wasutterlyofnoavail。ItwasontheoccasionofDickSimpson'smortalillness。Sylviaandhermotherkeptalooffromeveryone。TheyhadneverbeenintimatewithanyfamilybuttheCorneys,andeventhisfriendshiphadconsiderablycooledsinceMolly'smarriage,andmostespeciallysinceKinraid'ssupposeddeath,whenBessyCorneyandSylviahadbeen,asitwere,rivalmourners。Butmanypeople,bothinMonkshavenandthecountryroundabout,heldtheRobsonfamilyingreatrespect,althoughMrsRobsonherselfwasaccounted'high'
and'distant;'andpoorlittleSylvia,inherheydayofbeautifulyouthandhighspirits,hadbeenspokenofas'abitflighty,'and'aset—uplassie。'Still,whentheirgreatsorrowfelluponthem,therewereplentyoffriendstosympathizedeeplywiththem;and,asDanielhadsufferedinapopularcause,therewereevenmorewho,scarcelyknowingthempersonally,werereadytogivethemallthemarksofrespectandfriendlyfeelingintheirpower。ButneitherBellnorSylviawereawareofthis。Theformerhadlostallperceptionofwhatwasnotimmediatelybeforeher;thelattershrankfromallencountersofanykindwithasoreheart,andsensitiveavoidanceofeverythingthatcouldmakeherasubjectofremark。SothepoorafflictedpeopleatHaytersbankknewlittleofMonkshavennews。WhatlittledidcometotheirearscamethroughDollyReid,whenshereturnedfromsellingthefarmproduceoftheweek;andoften,indeed,eventhenshefoundSylviatoomuchabsorbedinothercaresorthoughtstolistentohergossip。SonoonehadevernamedthatSimpsonwassupposedtobedyingtillPhilipbeganonthesubjectoneevening。Sylvia'sfacesuddenlyflashedintoglowandlife。'He'sdying,ishe?t'earthiswellridonsuchafellow!''Eh,Sylvie,that'sahardspeecho'thine!'saidPhilip;'itgivesmebutpoorhearttoaskafavourofthee!''Ifit'saughtaboutSimpson,'repliedshe,andthensheinterruptedherself。
'Butsayon;itwereill—manneredinmefort'interruptyo'。''Thouwouldbesorrytoseehim,Ithink,Sylvie。Hecannotgetovertheway,t'folkmethim,andpeltedhimwhenhecamebackfra'York,——andhe'sweakandfaint,andbesidehimselfattimes;andhe'lllieadreaming,anda—fancyingthey'reallathimagain,hooting,andyelling,andpeltinghim。''I'mgladon't,'saidSylvia;'it'st'bestnewsI'veheeredformanyaday,——he,toturnagain'feyther,whogavehimmoneyfot'getalodgingthatnight,whenhe'dnoplacetogoto。Itwerehisevidenceashungfeyther;
andhe'srightlypunishedforitnow。''Fora'that,——andhe'sdoneavasto'wrongbeside,he'sdyingnow,Sylvie!''Well!lethimdie——it'st'bestthinghecoulddo!''Buthe'slyingi'suchdreepoverty,——andniverafriendtogonearhim,——niverapersontospeakakindwordt'him。''Itseemsasyo'vebeenspeakingwi'him,atanyrate,'saidSylvia,turningroundonPhilip。'Ay。HesentformebyNellManning,th'oldbeggar—woman,whosometimesgoesinandmakeshisbedforhim,poorwretch,——he'slyingint'ruinsofth'cow—houseofth'Mariners'Arms,Sylvie。''Well!'saidshe,inthesamehard,drytone。'AndIwentandfetchedth'parishdoctor,forIthoughthe'dha'diedbeforemyface,——hewassowan,andashen—grey,sothin,too,hiseyesseempushedoutofhisbonyface。''Thatlasttime——feyther'seyeswerestarting,wild—like,andasifhecouldn'tmeetours,orbearthesightonourweeping。'Itwasabadlook—outforPhilip'spurpose;butafterapausehewentbravelyon。'He'sapoordyingcreature,anyhow。T'doctorsaidso,andtoldhimhehadn'tmanyhours,letalonedays,tolive。''Andhe'dshrinkfra'dyingwi'a'hissinsonhishead?'saidSylvia,almostexultingly。Philipshookhishead。'Hesaidthisworldhadbeentoostrongforhim,andmentooharduponhim;hecouldniverdoanygoodhere,andhethoughtheshould,maybe,findfolksi't'nextplacemoremerciful。''He'llmeetfeythertheere,'saidSylvia,stillhardandbitter。'He'sapoorignorantcreature,anddoesn'tseemtoknowrightlywhohe'sliketomeet;onlyheseemsgladtogetawayfra'Monkshavenfolks;hewerereallyhurt,Iamafeared,thatnight,Sylvie,——andhespeaksasifhe'dhadhardtimesofiteversincehewereachild,——andhetalksasifhewerereallygrievedfort'partt'lawyersmadehimtakeatth'trial,——theymadehimspeak,againsthiswill,hesays。''Couldn'theha'bittenhistongueout?'askedSylvia。'It'sfinetalkingo'sorrowwhenthethingisdone!''Well,anyhowhe'ssorrynow;andhe'snotlongfortolive。And,Sylvie,hebidmeaskthee,if,forthesakeofallthatisdeartotheebothhere,andi'th'worldtocome,thou'dgowi'me,andjustsaytohimthatthouforgiveshimhispartthatday。''Hesenttheeonthaterrand,didhe?Andthoucouldcomeandaskme?I'veamindtobreakitoffforiverwi'thee,Philip。'Shekeptgasping,asifshecouldnotsayanymore。Philipwatchedandwaitedtillherbreathcame,hisownhalfchoked。'Theeandmewasnivermeanttogotogether。It'snotinmetoforgive,——I
sometimesthinkit'snotinmetoforget。Iwonder,Philip,ifthyfeytherhaddoneakinddeed——andarightdeed——andamercifuldeed——andsomeoneashe'dbeengoodto,eveni't'midstofhisjustanger,hadgoneandletonabouthimtoth'judge,aswastryingtohanghim,——andhadgettenhimhanged,——hangeddead,sothathiswifewereawidow,andhischildfatherlessforivermore,——Iwonderifthyveinswouldrunmilkandwater,sothatthoucouldgoandmakefriends,andspeaksoftwi'himashadcausedthyfeyther'sdeath?''It'ssaidint'Bible,Sylvie,thatwe'retoforgive。''Ay,there'ssomethingsasIknowIniverforgive;andthere'sothersasIcan't——andIwon't,either。''But,Sylvie,yo'praytobeforgivenyourtrespasses,asyouforgivethemastrespassagainstyou。''Well,ifI'mtobetakenatmyword,I'llnoaneprayatall,that'sall。
It'swellenoughforthemashasbutlittletoforgivetousethemwords;
andIdon'treckonit'skind,orprettybehavedinyo',Philip,tobringupScriptureagain'me。Thoumaygoaboutthybusiness。''Thou'rtvexedwithme,Sylvie;andI'mnotmeaningbutthatitwouldgohardwiththeetoforgivehim;butIthinkitwouldberightandChristian—likei'thee,andthatthou'dfindthycomfortinthinkingonitafter。Ifthou'donlygo,andseehiswistfuleyes——Ithinkthey'dpleadwi'theemorethanhiswords,ormineeither。''Itelltheemyfleshandbloodwasn'tmadeforforgivingandforgetting。
Onceforall,thoumusttakemyword。WhenIloveIlove,andwhenIhateIhate;andhimashasdonehardtome,ortomine,Imaykeepfra'strikingormurdering,butI'llniverforgive。Ishouldbejustamonster,fittobeshownatafair,ifIcouldforgivehimasgotfeytherhanged。'Philipwassilent,thinkingwhatmorehecouldurge。'Yo'dbetterbeoff,'saidSylvia,inaminuteortwo。'Yo'andmehasgotwrong,andit'lltakeanight'ssleeptosetusright。Yo'vesaidallyo'canforhim;andperhapsit'snotyo'asistoblame,butyo'rnature。
ButI'mputoutwi'thee,andwanttheeouto'mysightforawhile。'Oneortwomorespeechesofthiskindconvincedhimthatitwouldbewiseinhimtotakeheratherword。HewentbacktoSimpson,andfoundhim,thoughstillalive,pasttheunderstandingofanywordsofhumanforgiveness。
PhiliphadalmostwishedhehadnottroubledorirritatedSylviabyurgingthedyingman'srequest:theperformanceofthisdutyseemednowtohavebeensuchauselessoffice。Afterall,theperformanceofadutyisneverauselessoffice,thoughwemaynotseetheconsequences,ortheymaybequitedifferenttowhatweexpectedorcalculatedon。Inthepauseofactivework,whendaylightwasdone,andtheeveningshadescameon,Sylviahadtimetothink;andherheartgrewsadandsoft,incomparisontowhatithadbeenwhenPhilip'surgencyhadcalledoutallherangryopposition。Shethoughtofherfather——hissharppassionshisfrequentforgiveness,orratherhisforgetfulnessthathehadevenbeeninjured。AllSylvia'spersistentorenduringqualitieswerederivedfromhermother,herimpulsesfromherfather。Itwasherdeadfatherwhoseexamplefilledhermindthiseveninginthesoftandtendertwilight。ShedidnotsaytoherselfthatshewouldgoandtellSimpsonthatsheforgavehim;butshethoughtthatifPhilipaskedheragainthatsheshoulddoso。ButwhenshesawPhilipagainhetoldherthatSimpsonwasdead;andpassedonfromwhathehadreasontothinkwouldbeanunpleasantsubjecttoher。
Thusheneverlearnthowherconductmighthavebeenmoregentleandrelentingthanherwords——wordswhichcameupintohismemoryatafuturetime,withfullmeasureofmiserablesignificance。Ingeneral,Sylviawasgentleandgoodenough;butPhilipwantedhertobeshy。andtenderwithhim,andthisshewasnot。Shespoketohim,herprettyeyeslookingstraightandcomposedlyathim。Sheconsultedhimlikethefamilyfriendthathewasshemethimquietlyinallthearrangementsforthedineoftheirmarriage,whichshelookeduponmoreasachangeofhome,astheleavingofHaytersbank,asitwouldaffecthermother,thaninanymoredirectlypersonalway。Philipwasbeginningtofeel,thoughnotasyettoacknowledge,thatthefruithehadsoinordinatelylongedforwasbutofthenatureofanappleofSodom。Longago,lodginginwidowRose'sgarret,hehadbeeninthehabitofwatchingsomepigeonsthatwerekeptbyaneighbour;theflockdisportedthemselvesonthesteeptiledroofsjustoppositetotheatticwindow,andinsensiblyPhilipgrewtoknowtheirways,andonepretty,softlittledovewassomehowperpetuallyassociatedinhismindwithhisideaofhiscousinSylvia。
Thepigeonwouldsitinoneparticularplace,sunningherself,andpuffingoutherfeatheredbreast,withalltheblueandrose—colouredlightsgleaminginthemorningrays,cooingsoftlytoherselfasshedressedherplumage。
Philipfanciedthathesawthesamecoloursinacertainpieceofshotsilk——nowintheshop;andnoneotherseemedtohimsosuitableforhisdarling'swedding—dress。Hecarriedenoughtomakeagown,andgaveittoheroneevening,asshesateonthegrassjustoutsidethehouse,halfattendingtohermother,halfengagedinknittingstockingsforherscantymarriageoutfit。Hewasgladthatthesunwasnotgonedown,thusallowinghimtodisplaythechangingcoloursinfullerlight。Sylviaadmireditduly;evenMrs。Robsonwaspleasedandattractedbythesoftyetbrillianthues。PhilipwhisperedtoSylvia——(hetookdelightinwhispers,——she,onthecontrary,alwaysspoketohiminherusualtoneofvoice)——'Thou'ltlooksoprettyinit,sweetheart,——o'Thursdayfortnight!''Thursdayfortnight。Onthefourthyo'rethinkingon。ButIcannotwearitthen,——Ishallbei'black。''Notonthatday,sure!'saidPhilip。'Whynot?There'snoughtt'happenonthatdayfort'makemeforgetfeyther。
Icouldn'tputoffmyblack,Philip,——no,not。tosavemylife!Yonsilkisjustlovely,fartoogoodforthelikesofme,——andI'msureI'mmuchbeholdentoyo';andI'llhaveitmadeupfirstofanygownafterlastAprilcometwoyears,——but,oh,Philip,Icannotputoffmymourning!''Notforourwedding—day!'saidPhilip,sadly。'No,lad,Ireallycannot。I'mjustsorryaboutit,forIseethou'rtsetuponit;andthou'rtsokindandgood,IsometimesthinkIcanniverbethankfulenoughtothee。WhenIthinkonwhatwouldha'becomeofmotherandmeifwehadn'thadtheeforafriendi'need,I'mnoaneungrateful,Philip;tho'Isometimesfancythou'rtthinkingIam。''Idon'twantyo'tobegrateful,Sylvie,'saidpoorPhilip,dissatisfied,yetunabletoexplainwhathedidwant;onlyknowingthattherewassomethinghelacked,yetfainwouldhavehad。Asthemarriage—daydrewnear,allSylvia'scareseemedtobeforhermother;
allheranxietywasregardingtheappurtenancesofthehomeshewasleaving。
InvainPhiliptriedtointerestherindetailsofhisimprovementsorcontrivancesinthenewhometowhichhewasgoingtotakeher。Shedidnottellhim;buttheideaofthehousebehindtheshopwasassociatedinhermindwithtwotimesofdiscomfortandmisery。ThefirsttimeshehadgoneintotheparlouraboutwhichPhilipspokesomuchwasatthetimeofthepress—gangriot,whenshehadfaintedfromterrorandexcitement;
thesecondwasonthatnightofmiserywhensheandhermotherhadgoneintoMonkshaven,tobidherfatherfarewellbeforehewastakentoYork;
inthatroom,onthatnight,shehadfirstlearntsomethingofthefatalperilinwhichhestood。Shecouldnotshowthebrightshycuriosityaboutherfuturedwellingthatiscommonenoughwithgirlswhoaregoingtobemarried。Allshecoulddowastorestrainherselffromsighing,andlistenpatiently,whenhetalkedonthesubject。Intimehesawthatsheshrankfromit;soheheldhispeace,andplannedandworkedforherinsilence,——smilingtohim—selfashelookedoneachcompletedarrangementforherpleasureorcomfort;andknowingwellthatherhappinesswasinvolvedinwhatfragmentsofpeace。andmaterialcomfortmightremaintohermother。Thewedding—daydrewnearapace。ItwasPhilip'splanthataftertheyhadbeenmarriedinKirkMoorsidechurch,heandhisSylvia,hiscousin,hislove,hiswife,shouldgoforthedaytoRobinHood'sBay,returningintheeveningtothehousebehindtheshopinthemarket—place。TheretheyweretofindBellRobsoninstalledinherfuturehome;forHaytersbankFarmwastobegivenuptothenewtenantontheverydayofthewedding。
Sylviawouldnotbemarriedanysooner;shesaidthatshemuststaytheretilltheverylast;andhadsaiditwithsuchdeterminationthatPhiliphaddesistedfromallurgencyatonce。Hehadtoldherthatallshouldbesettledforhermother'scomfortduringtheirfewhours'absence;otherwiseSylviawouldnothavegoneatall。
HetoldherheshouldaskHester,whowasalwayssogoodandkind——whoneveryethadsaidhimnay,togotochurchwiththemasbridesmaid——forSylviawouldgivenothoughtorcaretoanythingbuthermother——andthattheywouldleaveheratHaytersbankastheyreturnedfromchurch;shewouldmanageMrsRobson'sremoval——shewoulddothis——dothat——doeverything。
SuchfriendlyconfidencehadPhilipinHester'swillingnessandtenderskill。Sylviaacquiescedatlength,andPhiliptookuponhimselftospeaktoHesteronthesubject。'Hester,'saidhe,onedaywhenhewaspreparingtogohomeaftertheshopwasclosed;'wouldyo'mindstoppingabit?Ishouldliketoshowyo'theplacenowit'sdoneup;andI'veafavourtoaskonyo'besides。'Hewassohappyhedidnotseehershiverallover。Shehesitatedjustamomentbeforesheanswered,——'I'llstay,ifthouwishesit,Philip。ButI'mnojudgeo'fashionsandsuchlike。''Thou'rtajudgeo'comfort,andthat'swhatI'vebeenaimingat。Iwereniversocomfortableina'mylifeaswhenIwerealodgeratthyhouse,'
saidhe,withbrotherlytendernessinhistone。'IfmymindhadbeenateaseIcouldha'saidIniverwerehappierinallmydaysthanunderthyroof;andIknowitwerethydoingforthemostpart。Socomealong,Hester,andtellmeifthere'saughtmoreIcanputinforSylvie。'Itmightnothavebeenaveryappropriatetext,butsuchasitwasthewords,'Fromhimthatwouldaskoftheeturnnotthouaway,'seemedtheonlysourceofstrengththatcouldhaveenabledhertogopatientlythroughthenexthalf—hour。Asitwas,sheunselfishlybroughtallhermindtobearuponthesubject;admiredthis,thoughtanddecideduponthat,asonebyonePhilipshowedherallhisalterationsandimprovements。Neverwassuchaquietlittlebitofunconsciousandunrecognizedheroism。Shereallyendedbysuchaconquestofselfthatshecouldabsolutelysympathizewiththeproudexpectantlover,andhadquenchedallenvyofthebeloved,insympathywiththedelightsheimaginedSylviamustexperiencewhenshediscoveredalltheseproofsofPhilip'sfondconsiderationandcare。Butitwasagreatstrainontheheart,thatsourceoflife;andwhenHesterreturnedintotheparlour,afterherdeliberatesurveyofthehouse,shefeltaswearyanddepressedinbodilystrengthasifshehadgonethroughanillnessofmanydays。Shesatedownonthenearestchair,andfeltasthoughshenevercouldriseagain。Philip,joyousandcontent,stoodnearhertalking。'And,Hester,'saidhe,'Sylviehasgivenmeamessageforthee——shesaysthoumustbeherbridesmaid——she'llhavenoneother。''Icannot,'saidHester,withsuddensharpness。'Oh,yes,butyo'must。Itwouldn'tbelikemyweddingifthouwasn'ttherewhyI'velookedupontheeasasisteriversinceIcametolodgewiththymother。'Hestershookherhead。Didherdutyrequirehernottoturnawayfromthisasking,too?Philipsawherreluctance,and,byintuitionratherthanreason,heknewthatwhatshewouldnotdoforgaietyorpleasureshewouldconsenttoifbysodoingshecouldrenderanyservicetoanother。Sohewenton。'Besides,Sylvieandmehasplannedtogoforourweddingjauntt9RobinHood'sBay。Iha'beentoengageashandrythisverymorn,beforet'shopwasopened;andthere'snoonetoleavewi'myaunt。Th'pooroldbodyissorecrushedwithsorrow;andis,asonemaysay,childishattimes;
she'stocomedownhere,thatwemayfindherwhenwecomebackatnight;
andthere'sniveraoneshe'llcomewithsowillingandsohappyaswiththee,Hester。Sylvieandmehasbothsaidso。'Hesterlookedupinhisfacewithhergravehonesteyes。'Icannotgotochurchwi'thee,Philip;andthoumustnotaskmeanyfurther。
ButI'llgobetimestoHaytersbankFarm,andI'lldomybesttomaketheoldladyhappy,andtofollowoutthydirectionsinbringingherherebeforenightfall。'Philipwasonthepointofurgingherafreshtogowiththemtochurch;
butsomethinginhereyesbroughtathoughtacrosshismind,astransitoryasabreathpassesoveralooking—glass,andhedesistedfromhisentreaty,andputawayhisthoughtasapieceofvaincoxcombry,insultingtoHester。
Hepassedrapidlyontoallthecarefuldirectionsrenderednecessarybyhercompliancewiththelatterpartofhisrequest,couplingSylvia'snamewithhisperpetually;sothatHesterlookeduponherasahappygirl,aseagerinplanningallthedetailsofhermarriageasthoughnoheavyshamefulsorrowhadpassedoverherheadnotmanymonthsago。HesterdidnotseeSylvia'swhite,dreamy,resoluteface,thatansweredthesolemnquestionsofthemarriageserviceinavoicethatdidnotseemherown。Hesterwasnotwiththemtonoticetheheavyabstractionthatmadethebrideasifunconsciousofherhusband'slovingwords,andthenstartandsmile,andreplywithasadgentlenessoftone。No!Hester'sdutylayinconveyingthepoorwidowandmotherdownfromHaytersbanktothenewhomeinMonkshaven;andforallHester'sassistanceandthoughtfulness,itwasadreary,painfulpieceofwork——thepooroldwomancryinglikeachild,withbewildermentattheconfusedbustlewhich,inspiteofallSylvia'scarefulforethought,couldnotbeavoidedonthisfinalday,whenhermotherhadtobecarriedawayfromthehomesteadoverwhichshehadsolongpresided。ButallthiswasasnothingtothedistresswhichoverwhelmedpoorBellRobsonwhensheenteredPhilip'shouse;theparlour——thewholeplacesoassociatedwiththekeenagonyshehadundergonethere,thatthestabofmemorypenetratedthroughherdeadenedsenses,andbroughtherbacktomisery。InvainHestertriedtoconsoleherbytellingherthefactofSylvia'smarriagewithPhilipineveryformofwordsthatoccurredtoher。Bellonlyrememberedherhusband'sfate,whichfilledupherpoorwanderingmind,andcolouredeverything;insomuchthatSylvianotbeingathandtoreplytohermother'scryforher,thelatterimaginedthatherchild,aswellasherhusband,wasindangeroftrialanddeath,andrefusedtobecomfortedbyanyendeavourofthepatientsympathizingHester。
InapauseofMrsRobson'ssobs,Hesterheardthewelcomesoundofthewheelsofthereturningshandry,bearingthebrideandbridegroomhome。
Itstoppedatthedoor——aninstant,andSylvia,whiteasasheetatthesoundofhermother'swailings,whichshehadcaughtwhileyetatadistance,withthequickearsoflove,camerunningin;hermotherfeeblyroseandtotteredtowardsher,andfellintoherarms,saying,'Oh!Sylvie,Sylvie,takemehome,andawayfromthiscruelplace!'Hestercouldnotbutbetouchedwiththeyounggirl'smannertohermother——astender,asprotectingasiftheirrelationtoeachotherhadbeenreversed,andshewaslullingandtenderlysoothingawayward,frightenedchild。
Shehadneithereyesnorearsforanyonetillhermotherwassittingintremblingpeace,holdingherdaughter'shandtightinbothofhers,asifafraidoflosingsightofherthenSylviaturnedtoHester,and,withthesweetgracewhichisanaturalgifttosomehappypeople,thankedher;
incommonwordsenoughshethankedher,butinthatnamelessmanner,andwiththatstrange,rarecharmwhichmadeHesterfeelasifshehadneverbeenthankedinallherlifebefore;andfromthattimeforthsheunderstood,ifshedidnotalwaysyieldto,theunconsciousfascinationwhichSylviacouldexerciseoverothersattimes。DiditenterintoPhilip'shearttoperceivethathehadweddedhislong—soughtbrideinmourningraiment,andthatthefirstsoundswhichgreetedthemastheyapproachedtheirhomewerethoseofweepingandwailing?
chapter30CHAPTERXXXHAPPYDAYSAndnowPhilipseemedasprosperousashisheartcoulddesire。Thebusinessflourished,andmoneybeyondhismoderatewantscamein。Asforhimselfherequiredverylittle;buthehadalwayslookedforwardtoplacinghisidolinabefittingshrine;andmeansforthiswerenowfurnishedtohim。
Thedress,thecomforts,thepositionhehaddesiredforSylviawereallhers。Shedidnotneedtodoastrokeofhouseholdworkifshepreferredto'sitinherparlourandsewupaseam。'IndeedPhoeberesentedanyinterferenceinthedomesticlabour,whichshehadperformedsolong,thatshelookeduponthekitchenasaprivateempireofherown。'MrsHepburn'(asSylviawasnowtermed)hadagooddarksilkgown—pieceinherdrawers,aswellasthepoordove—coloured,againstthedaywhenshechosetoleaveoffmourning;andstuffforeithergrayorscarletcloakswashersatherbidding。Whatshecaredforfarmorewerethecomfortswithwhichitwasinherpowertosurroundhermother。InthisPhilipviedwithher;forbesideshisoldlove,andnewpityforhisauntBell,heneverforgothowshehadwelcomedhimtoHaytersbank,andfavouredhislovetoSylvia,intheyearningdayswhenhelittlehopedheshouldeverwinhiscousintobehiswife。
Butevenifhehadnothadthesegratefulandaffectionatefeelingstowardsthepoorwoman,hewouldhavedonemuchforherifonlytogainthesweet,raresmileswhichhiswifeneverbestoweduponhimsofreelyaswhenshesawhimattendingto'mother,'forsobothofthemnowcalledBell。Forhercreaturecomforts,hersilkgowns,andherhumbleluxury,Sylviadidnotcare;Philipwasalmostannoyedattheindifferencesheoftenmanifestedtoallhiseffortstosurroundherwithsuchthings。Itwasevenahard—shiptohertoleaveoffhercountrydress,heruncoveredhair,herlinseypetticoat,andloosebed—gown,andtodonastiffandstatelygownforhermorningdress。Sittinginthedarkparlouratthebackoftheshop,anddoing'whitework,'wasmuchmorewearyingtoherthanrunningoutintothefieldstobringupthecows,orspinningwool,ormakingupbutter。Shesometimesthoughttoherselfthatitwasastrangekindoflifewheretherewerenoout—dooranimalstolookafter;the'oxandtheass'hadhithertocomeintoallherideasofhumanity;andhercareandgentlenesshadmadethedumbcreaturesroundherfather'shomeintomutefriendswithlovingeyes,lookingatherasifwistfultospeakinwordsthegratefulregardthatshecouldreadwithoutthepoorexpressionoflanguage。Shemissedthefreeopenair,thegreatdomeofskyabovethefields;sherebelledagainstthenecessityof'dressing'(asshecalledit)togoout,althoughsheacknowledgedthatitwasanecessitywherethefirststepbeyondthethresholdmustbeintoapopulousstreet。ItispossiblethatPhilipwasrightatonetimewhenhehadthoughttowinherbymaterialadvantages;buttheoldvanitieshadbeenburntoutofherbythehotironofacutesuffering。Agreatdealofpassionatefeelingstillexisted,concealedandlatent;butatthisperioditappearedasthoughshewereindifferenttomostthings,andhadlostthepowerofeitherhopingorfearingmuch。Shewasstunnedintoasortoftemporarynumbnessonmostpoints;thoseonwhichshewassensitivebeingsuchasreferredtotheinjusticeandoppressionofherfather'sdeath,oranythingthatconcernedhermother。ShewasquieteventopassivenessinallherdealingswithPhilip;hewouldhavegivennotalittleforsomeoftheoldburstsofimpatience,theoldpettishness,which,naughtyastheywere,hadgonetoformhisideaoftheformerSylvia。Onceortwicehewasalmostvexedwithherforherdocility;
hewantedhersomuchtohaveawillofherown,ifonlythathemightknowhowtorousehertopleasurebygratifyingit。Indeedheseldomfellasleepatnightswithouthislastthoughtsbeingdevotedtosomelittleplanforthemorrow,thathefanciedshewouldlike;andwhenhewakenedintheearlydawnhelookedtoseeifshewereindeedsleepingbyhisside,orwhetheritwasnotalladreamthathecalledSylvia'wife。'Hewasawarethatheraffectionforhimwasnottobespokenofinthesamewayashisforher,buthefoundmuchhappinessinonlybeingallowedtoloveandcherishher;andwiththepatientperseverancethatwasoneremarkablefeatureinhischaracter,hewentonstrivingtodeepenandincreaseherlovewhenmostothermenwouldhavegivenuptheendeavour,madethemselvescontentwithhalfaheart,andturnedtosomeotherobjectofattainment。AllthistimePhilipwastroubledbyadreamthatrecurredwheneverhewasover—fatigued,orotherwisenotinperfecthealth。Overandoveragaininthisfirstyearofmarriedlifehedreamtthisdream;
perhapsasmanyaseightorninetimes,anditnevervaried。ItwasalwaysofKinraid'sreturn;KinraidwasfulloflifeinPhilip'sdream,thoughinhiswakinghourshecouldanddidconvincehimselfbyallthelawsofprobabilitythathisrivalwasdead。Heneverrememberedtheexactsequenceofeventsinthatterribledreamafterhehadrousedhimself,withafightandastruggle,fromhisfeverishslumbers。Hewasgenerallysittingupinbedwhenhefoundhimselfconscious,hisheartbeatingwildly,withaconvictionofKinraid'slivingpresencesomewherenearhiminthedarkness。
OccasionallySylviawasdisturbedbyhisagitation,andwouldquestionhimabouthisdreams,having,likemostofherclassatthattime,greatfaithintheirpropheticinterpretation;butPhilipnevergaveheranytruthinhisreply。Afterall,andthoughhedidnotacknowledgeiteventohimself,thelong—desiredhappinesswasnotsodeliciousandperfectashehadanticipated。Manyhavefeltthesameintheirfirstyearofmarriedlife;butthefaithful,patientnaturethatstillworkson,strivingtogainlove,andcapableitselfofsteadyloveallthewhile,isagiftnotgiventoall。Formanyweeksaftertheirwedding,Kesternevercamenearthem:achancewordortwofromSylviashowedPhilipthatshehadnoticedthisandregrettedit;and,accordingly,hemadeithisbusinessatthenextleisureopportunitytogotoHaytersbank(neversayingawordtohiswifeofhispurpose),andseekoutKester。Allthewholeplacewasaltered!Itwasnewwhite—washed,newthatched:
thepatchesofcolourinthesurroundinggroundwerechangedwithalteredtillage;thegreatgeraniumsweregonefromthewindow,andinstead,wasasmartknittedblind。Childrenplayedbeforethehousedoor;adoglyingonthestepflewatPhilip;allwassostrange,thatitwaseventhestrangestthingofallforKestertoappearwhereeverythingelsewassoaltered!PhiliphadtoputupwithagooddealofcrabbedbehaviouronthepartofthelatterbeforehecouldinduceKestertopromisetocomedownintothetownandseeSylviainhernewhome。Somehow,thevisitwhenpaidwasbutafailure;atleast,itseemedsoatthetime,thoughprobablyitbroketheiceofrestraintwhichwasformingoverthefamiliarintercoursebetweenKesterandSylvia。TheoldservantwasdauntedbyseeingSylviainastrangeplace,andstood,sleekinghishairdown,andfurtivelylookingabouthim,insteadofseatinghimselfonthechairSylviahadsoeagerlybroughtforwardforhim。Thenhissenseoftheestrangementcausedbytheirnewpositionsinfectedher,andshebegantocrypitifully,saying,——'Oh,Kester!Kester!tellmeaboutHaytersbank!Isitjustasitusedtobeinfeyther'sdays?''Well,acannotsayasitis,'saidKester,thankfultohaveasubjectstarted。'They'npleughedupt'oudpasture—field,andaresettin'itfor'taters。They'renotformuchcattle,isn'tHigginses。They'llbeforcornint'nextyear,areckon,andthey'lljustha'theirpainsfortheirpayment。
Butthey'reallayssopig—headed,isfolkfra'adistance。'SotheywentondiscoursingonHaytersbankandtheolddays,tillBellRobson,havingfinishedherafternoonnap,cameslowlydownstairstojointhem;andafterthattheconversationbecamesobrokenup,fromthedesireoftheothertwotoattendandreplyasbesttheycouldtoherfragmentaryanddisjointedtalk,thatKestertookhisleavebeforelong;falling,ashedidso,intotheformalandunnaturallyrespectfulmannerwhichhehadadoptedonfirstcomingin。ButSylviaranafterhim,andbroughthimbackfromthedoor。'Tothinkofthygoingaway,Kester,withouteitherbitordrink;nay,comebackwi'thee,andtastewineandcake。'Kesterstoodatthedoor,halfshy,halfpleased,whileSylvia,inalltheglowandhurryofayounghousekeeper'shospitality,soughtforthedecanterofwine,andawineglassinthecornercupboard,andhastilycutanimmensewedgeofcake,whichshecrammedintohishandinspiteofhisremonstrances;andthenshepouredhimoutanoverflowingglassofwine,whichKesterwouldfarratherhavegonewithout,asheknewmannerstoowelltosupposethathemighttasteitwithouthavinggonethroughthepreliminaryceremonyofwishingthedonorhealthandhappiness。Hestoodredandhalfsmiling,withhiscakeinonehand,hiswineintheother,andthenbegan,——'Longmayyelive,Happymayyehe,Andblestwithanum'rousPro—ge—ny。''Theere,that'spo'tryforyo'asIlarnti'myyouth。Butthere'sadealtobesaidascannotbeputint'po'try,an'yetacannotsayit,somehow。
It'dtaxaparsont'saya'asa'vegetteni'mymind。It'slikeaheapo'woo'justaftershearin'time;it'sworthadeal,butittak'savasto'combin',an'cardin',an'spinnin'aforeitcanbemadeuseon。Ifawereuptot'useo'words,acouldsayamightydeal;butsomehowa'mtongue—teedwhenacometowantmywordsmost,soa'llonlyjustmak'boldt'sayasathinkyo'vedoneprettywellforyo'rsel',gettenahouse—fullo'furniture'(lookingaroundhimashesaidthis),'an'vittlean'clothin'
fort'axing,belike,an'ahomefort'missusinhertimeo'need;an'
mebbenotsuchabadhusbandasaoncethoughtyonman'udmak';a'mnotabovesayin'ashe's,mebbe,betternoratookhimfor;——sohere'stoyeboth,andwishin'yehealthandhappiness,ay,andmoneytobuyyo'another,ascountryfolksay。'Havingendedhisoration,muchtohisownsatisfaction,Kestertossedoffhisglassofwine,smackedhislips,wipedhismouthwiththebackofhishand,pocketedhiscake,andmadeoff。ThatnightSylviaspokeofhisvisittoherhusband。Philipneversaidhowhehimselfhadbroughtittopass,nordidhenamethefactthathehadheardtheoldmancomeinjustashehimselfhadintendedgoingintotheparlourfortea,buthadkeptaway,ashethoughtSylviaandKesterwouldmostenjoytheirinterviewundisturbed。AndSylviafeltasifherhusband'ssilencewasunsympathizing,andshutupthefeelingsthatwerejustbeginningtoexpandtowardshim。Shesankagainintothelistlessstateofindifferencefromwhichnothingbutsomereferencetoformerdays,orpresentconsiderationforhermother,couldrouseher。HesterwasalmostsurprisedatSylvia'sevidentlikingforher。ByslowdegreesHesterwaslearningtolovethewoman,whosepositionasPhilip'swifeshewouldhaveenviedsokeenlyhadshenotbeensotrulygoodandpious。ButSylviaseemedasthoughshehadgivenHesterherwholeaffectionallatonce。Hestercouldnotunderstandthis,whileshewastouchedandmeltedbythetrustitimplied。ForonethingSylviarememberedandregretted——herharshtreatmentofHestertherainy,stormynightonwhichthelatterhadcometoHaytersbanktoseekherandhermother,andbringthemintoMonkshaventoseetheimprisonedfatherandhusband。SylviahadbeenstruckwithHester'spatientenduranceofherrudeness,arudenesswhichshewasconsciousthatsheherselfshouldhaveimmediatelyandvehementlyresented。
第22章