FortunatelyforthereposeofMorgan,who,underothercircumstances,wouldhavediscoveredontheveryfirstdaythathisairyretreatwasbynomeanshighenoughtoplacehimoutofJessie’sreach,theideaofsettlingherselfinstantlyinhernewhabitationexcludedeveryotherideafromthemindofourfairguest。Shepinnedupthenankeen—coloredtravelingdressinfestoonsallroundheronthespot;informedusthatwewerenowabouttomakeacquaintancewithherinthenewcharacterofawomanofbusiness;anddarteddownstairsinmadhighspirits,screamingforMatildaandthetrunkslikeachildforasetofnewtoys。ThewholesomeprotestofNatureagainsttheartificialrestraintsofmodernlifeexpresseditselfinallthatshesaidandinallthatshedid。Shehadneverknownwhatitwastobehappybefore,becauseshehadneverbeenallowed,untilnow,todoanythingforherself。Shewasdownonherkneesatonemoment,blowingthefire,andtellingusthatshefeltlikeCinderella;
shewasuponatablethenext,attackingthecobwebswithalongbroom,andwishingshehadbeenbornahousemaid。Asformyunfortunatefriend,theupholsterer,hewasleveledtotheranksatthefirstefforthemadetoassumethecommandofthedomesticforcesinthefurnituredepartment。Shelaughedathim,pushedhimabout,disputedallhisconclusions,alteredallhisarrangements,andendedbyorderinghalfhisbedroomfurnituretobetakenbackagain,fortheoneunanswerablereasonthatshemeanttodowithoutit。
Aseveningapproached,thescenepresentedbythetworoomsbecameeccentrictoapitchofabsurditywhichisquiteindescribable。Thegrim,ancientwallsofthebedroomhadtheliveliestmoderndressing—gownsandmorning—wrappershangingallaboutthem。Themaninarmorhadacollectionofsmartlittlebootsandshoesdanglingbylacesandribbonsroundhisironlegs。Aworm—eaten,steel—claspedcasket,draggedoutofacorner,frownedontheupholsterer’sbrand—newtoilet—table,andheldamiscellaneousassortmentofcombs,hairpins,andbrushes。
Herestoodagloomyantiquechair,thepatriarchofitstribe,whosearmsofblackenedoakembracedapairofpert,newdealbonnet—boxesnotafortnightold。There,throwndownlightlyonaruggedtapestrytable—cover,thelonglaborofcenturiespast,laythebrief,delicateworkofaweekagointheshapeofsilkandmuslindressesturnedinsideout。Inthemidstofalltheseconfusionsandcontradictions,MissJessierangedtoandfro,theactivecenterofthewholesceneofdisorder,nowsingingatthetopofhervoice,andnowdeclaringinherlightheartedwaythatoneofusmustmakeuphismindtomarryherimmediately,asshewasdeterminedtosettlefortherestofherlifeatTheGlenTower。
Shefollowedupthatannouncement,whenwemetatdinner,byinquiringifwequiteunderstoodbythistimethatshehadlefther"companymanners"inLondon,andthatshemeanttogovernusallatherabsolutewillandpleasure,throughoutthewholeperiodofherstay。Havingthusprovidedattheoutsetfortheduerecognitionofherauthoritybythehouseholdgenerallyandindividuallyhavingbrisklyplannedoutallherownforthcomingoccupationsandamusementsoverthewineandfruitatdessert,andhavingpositivelysettled,betweenherfirstandsecondcupsoftea,whereourconnectionwiththemwastobeginandwhereitwastoend,shehadactuallysucceeded,whenthetimecametoseparateforthenight,insettingusasmuchatourease,andinmakingherselfascompletelyanecessarypartofourhouseholdasifshehadlivedamongusforyearsandyearspast。
Suchwasourfirstday’sexperienceoftheformidableguestwhoseanticipatedvisithadsosorelyandsoabsurdlydiscomposedusall。IcouldhardlybelievethatIhadactuallywastedhoursofprecioustimeinworryingmyselfandeverybodyelseinthehouseaboutthebestmeansoflaboriouslyentertainingalively,high—spiritedgirl,whowasperfectlycapable,withoutaneffortonherownpartoronours,ofentertainingherself。
Havingupseteveryoneofourcalculationsonthefirstdayofherarrival,shenextfalsifiedallourpredictionsbeforeshehadbeenwithusaweek。Insteadoffracturingherskullwiththepony,asMorganhadprophesied,shesatthesturdy,sure—footed,mischievouslittlebruteasifshewerepartandparcelofhimself。Withanoldwater—proofcloakofmineonhershoulders,withabroad—flappedSpanishhatofOwen’sonherhead,withawildimpofaWelshboyfollowingherasguideandgroomonabare—backedpony,andwithoneofthelargestandugliestcur—dogsinEngland(whichshehadpickedup,lostandstarvedbythewayside)barkingatherheels,shescouredthecountryinalldirections,andcamebacktodinner,assheherselfexpressedit,"withthemannersofanAmazon,thecomplexionofadairy—maid,andtheappetiteofawolf。"
Ondayswhenincessantrainkeptherindoors,sheamusedherselfwithanewfreak。Makingfriendseverywhere,asbecameTheQueenofHearts,sheeveningratiatedherselfwiththesouroldhousekeeper,whohadpredictedsoobstinatelythatshewascertaintorunaway。Totheamazementofeverybodyinthehouse,shespenthoursinthekitchen,learningtomakepuddingsandpies,andtryingallsortsofrecipeswithveryvaryingsuccess,fromanantiquatedcookerybookwhichshehaddiscoveredatthebackofmybookshelves。Atothertimes,whenIexpectedhertobeupstairs,languidlyexaminingherfinery,andidlypolishinghertrinkets,Iheardofherinthestables,feedingtherabbits,andtalkingtotheraven,orfoundherintheconservatory,fumigatingtheplants,andhalfsuffocatingthegardener,whowastryingtomoderateherenthusiasmintheproductionofsmoke。
Insteadoffindingamusement,aswehadexpected,inOwen’sstudio,shepuckeredupherprettyfaceingrimacesofdisgustatthesmellofpaintintheroom,anddeclaredthatthehorrorsoftheEarthquakeatLisbonmadeherfeelhysterical。Insteadofshowingatotalwantofinterestinmybusinessoccupationsontheestate,shedestroyedmydignityasstewardbyjoiningmeinmyroundsonherpony,withhervagabondretinueatherheels。
InsteadofdevouringthenovelsIhadorderedforher,shelefttheminthebox,andputherfeetonitwhenshefeltsleepyafterahardday’sriding。Insteadofpracticingforhourseveryeveningatthepiano,whichIhadhiredwithsuchafirmconvictionofherusingit,sheshowedustricksonthecards,taughtusnewgames,initiatedusintothemysticsofdominoes,challengeduswithriddles,anevenattemptedtostimulateusintoactingcharades——inshort,triedeveryeveningamusementinthewholecategoryexcepttheamusementofmusic。Everynewaspectofhercharacterwasanewsurprisetous,andeveryfreshoccupationthatshechosewasafreshcontradictiontoourpreviousexpectations。Thevalueofexperienceasaguideisunquestionableinmanyofthemostimportantaffairsoflife;
but,speakingformyselfpersonally,Ineverunderstoodtheutterfutilityofit,whereawomanisconcerned,untilIwasbroughtintohabitsofdailycommunicationwithourfairguest。
Inherdomesticrelationswithourselvessheshowedthatexquisitenicetyofdiscriminationinstudyingourcharacters,habitsandtasteswhichcomesbyinstinctwithwomen,andwhicheventhelongestpracticerarelyteachesinsimilarperfectiontomen。ShesawataglancealltheunderlyingtendernessandgenerosityconcealedbeneathOwen’sexternalshyness,irresolution,andoccasionalreserve;and,fromfirsttolast,eveninhergayestmoments,therewasalwaysacertainquietly—impliedconsideration——aneasy,graceful,delicatedeference——inhermannertowardmyeldestbrother,whichwonuponmeanduponhimeveryhourintheday。
Withmeshewasfreerinhertalk,quickerinheractions,readierandbolderinallthethousandlittlefamiliaritiesofourdailyintercourse。WhenwemetinthemorningshealwaystookOwen’shand,andwaitedtillhekissedherontheforehead。Inmycasesheputbothherhandsonmyshoulders,raisedherselfontiptoe,andsalutedmebrisklyonbothchecksintheforeignway。
SheneverdifferedinopinionwithOwenwithoutpropitiatinghimfirstbysomelittleartfulcomplimentinthewayofexcuse。Shearguedboldlywithmeoneverysubjectunderthesun,lawandpoliticsincluded;and,whenIgotthebetterofher,neverhesitatedtostopmebyputtingherhandonmylips,orbydraggingmeoutintothegardeninthemiddleofasentence。
AsforMorgan,sheabandonedallrestraintinhiscaseontheseconddayofhersojournamongus。Shehadaskedafterhimassoonasshewassettledinhertworoomsonthethirdstory;hadinsistedonknowingwhyhelivedatthetopofthetower,andwhyhehadnotappearedtowelcomeheratthedoor;hadentrappedusintoallsortsofdamagingadmissions,andhadthereupondiscoveredthetruestateofthecaseinlessthanfiveminutes。
Fromthattimemyunfortunatesecondbrotherbecamethevictimofallthatwasmischievousandrecklessinherdisposition。Sheforcedhimdownstairsbyaseriesofmaneuverswhichrenderedhisrefugeuninhabitable,andthenpretendedtofallviolentlyinlovewithhim。Sheslippedlittlepinkthree—cornerednotesunderhisdoor,entreatinghimtomakeappointmentswithher,ortenderlyinquiringhowhewouldliketoseeherhairdressedatdinneronthatday。Shefollowedhimintothegarden,sometimestoaskfortheprivilegeofsmellinghistobacco—smoke,sometimestobegforalockofhishair,orafragmentofhisraggedolddressing—gown,toputamongherkeepsakes。Shesighedathimwhenhewasinapassion,andputherhandkerchieftohereyeswhenhewassulky。Inshort,shetormentedMorgan,whenevershecouldcatchhim,withsuchingeniousandsuchrelentlessmalice,thatheactuallythreatenedtogobacktoLondon,andpreyoncemore,intheunscrupulouscharacterofadoctor,onthecredulityofmankind。
Thussituatedinherrelationstowardourselves,andthusoccupiedbycountrydiversionsofherownchoosing,MissJessiepassedhertimeatTheGlenTower,exceptingnowandthenadullhourinthelongevenings,toherguardian’ssatisfaction——and,allthingsconsidered,notwithoutpleasuretoherself。Dayfolloweddayincalmandsmoothsuccession,andfivequietweekshadelapsedoutofthesixduringwhichherstaywastolastwithoutanyremarkableoccurrencetodistinguishthem,whenaneventhappenedwhichpersonallyaffectedmeinaveryseriousmanner,andwhichsuddenlycausedourhandsomeQueenofHeartstobecometheobjectofmydeepestanxietyinthepresent,andofmydearesthopesforthefuture。
CHAPTERIV。
OURGRANDPROJECT。
ATtheendofthefifthweekofourguest’sstay,amongtheletterswhichthemorning’spostbroughttoTheGlenTowertherewasoneforme,frommysonGeorge,intheCrimea。
TheeffectwhichthisletterproducedinourlittlecirclerendersitnecessarythatIshouldpresentithere,tospeakforitself。
ThisiswhatIreadaloneinmyownroom:
"MYDEARESTFATHER——AfterthegreatpublicnewsofthefallofSebastopol,haveyouanyearsleftforsmallitemsofprivateintelligencefrominsignificantsubalternofficers?Prepare,ifyouhave,forasuddenandastartlingannouncement。HowshallI
writethewords?HowshallItellyouthatIamreallycominghome?
"Ihaveaprivateopportunityofsendingthisletter,andonlyashorttimetowriteitin;soImustputmanythings,ifIcan,intofewwords。Thedoctorhasreportedmefittotravelatlast,andIleave,thankstotheprivilegeofawoundedman,bythenextship。ThenameofthevesselandthetimeofstartingareonthelistwhichIinclose。Ihavemadeallmycalculations,and,allowingforeverypossibledelay,IfindthatIshallbewithyou,atthelatest,onthefirstofNovember——perhapssomedaysearlier。
"Iamfartoofullofmyreturn,andofsomethingelseconnectedwithitwhichisequallydeartome,tosayanythingaboutpublicaffairs,moreespeciallyasIknowthatthenewspapersmust,bythistime,havegivenyouplentyofinformation。Letmefilltherestofthispaperwithasubjectwhichisveryneartomyheart——nearer,Iamalmostashamedtosay,thanthegreattriumphofmycountrymen,inwhichmydisabledconditionhaspreventedmefromtakinganyshare。
"IgatheredfromyourlastletterthatMissYelvertonwastopayyouavisitthisautumn,inyourcapacityofherguardian。Ifsheisalreadywithyou,praymoveheavenandearthtokeepheratTheGlenTowertillIcomeback。Doyouanticipatemyconfessionfromthisentreaty?Mydear,dearfather,allmyhopesrestonthatonedarlingtreasurewhichyouareguardingperhaps,atthismoment,underyourownroof——allmyhappinessdependsonmakingJessieYelvertonmywife。
"IfIdidnotsincerelybelievethatyouwillheartilyapproveofmychoice,Ishouldhardlyhaveventuredonthisabruptconfession。NowthatIhavemadeit,letmegoonandtellyouwhyIhavekeptmyattachmentuptothistimeasecretfromeveryone——evenfromJessieherself。(YouseeIcallherbyherChristiannamealready!)
"Ishouldhaveriskedeverything,father,andhavelaidmywholeheartopenbeforehermorethanayearago,butfortheorderwhichsentourregimentouttotakeitsshareinthisgreatstruggleoftheRussianwar。NoordinarychangeinmylifewouldhavesilencedmeonthesubjectofallothersofwhichIwasmostanxioustospeak;butthischangemademethinkseriouslyofthefuture;andoutofthosethoughtscametheresolutionwhichI
havekeptuntilthistime。Forhersake,andforhersakeonly,I
constrainedmyselftoleavethewordsunspokenwhichmighthavemadehermypromisedwife。Iresolvedtospareherthedreadfulsuspenseofwaitingforherbetrothedhusbandtilltheperilsofwarmight,ormightnot,givehimbacktoher。Iresolvedtosaveherfromthebittergriefofmydeathifabulletlaidmelow。I
resolvedtopreserveherfromthewretchedsacrificeofherselfifIcameback,asmanyabravemanwillcomebackfromthiswar,invalidedforlife。Leavingheruntrammeledbyanyengagement,unsuspiciousperhapsofmyrealfeelingstowardher,Imightdie,andknowthat,bykeepingsilence,Ihadsparedapangtotheheartthatwasdearesttome。ThiswasthethoughtthatstayedthewordsonmylipswhenIleftEngland,uncertainwhetherI
shouldevercomeback。IfIhadlovedherlessdearly,ifherhappinesshadbeenlessprecioustome,ImighthavegivenwayunderthehardrestraintIimposedonmyself,andmighthavespokenselfishlyatthelastmoment。
"Andnowthetimeoftrialispast;thewarisover;and,althoughIstillwalkalittlelame,Iam,thankGod,inasgoodhealthandinmuchbetterspiritsthanwhenIlefthome。Oh,father,ifIshouldlosehernow——ifIshouldgetnorewardforsparingherbutthebitterestofalldisappointments!SometimesI
amvainenoughtothinkthatImadesomelittleimpressiononher;sometimesIdoubtifshehasasuspicionofmylove。Shelivesinagayworld——sheisthecenterofperpetualadmiration——menwithallthequalitiestowinawoman’sheartareperpetuallyabouther——canI,dareIhope?Yes,Imust!Onlykeepher,Ientreatyou,atTheGlenTower。Inthatquietworld,inthatfreedomfromfrivolitiesandtemptations,shewilllistentomeasshemightlistennowhereelse。Keepher,mydearest,kindestfather——and,aboveallthings,breathenotawordtoherofthisletter。Ihavesurelyearnedtheprivilegeofbeingthefirsttoopenhereyestothetruth。Shemustknownothing,nowthatIamcominghome,tillsheknowsallfrommyownlips。"
Herethewritinghurriedlybrokeoff。Iamonlygivingmyselfcreditforcommonfeeling,Itrust,whenIconfessthatwhatI
readdeeplyaffectedme。IthinkIneverfeltsofondofmyboy,andsoproudofhim,asatthemomentwhenIlaiddownhisletter。
AssoonasIcouldcontrolmyspirits,Ibegantocalculatethequestionoftimewithatremblingeagerness,whichbroughtbacktomymindmyownyoungdaysofloveandhope。Mysonwastocomeback,atthelatest,onthefirstofNovember,andJessie’sallottedsixweekswouldexpireonthetwenty—secondofOctober。
Tendaystoosoon!Butforthecapricewhichhadbroughthertousexactlythatnumberofdaysbeforehertimeshewouldhavebeeninthehouse,asamatterofnecessity,onGeorge’sreturn。
IsearchedbackinmymemoryforaconversationthatIhadheldwithheraweeksinceonherfutureplans。TowardthemiddleofNovember,heraunt,LadyWestwick,hadarrangedtogotoherhouseinParis,andJessiewas,ofcourse,toaccompanyher——toaccompanyherintothatverycircleofthebestEnglishandthebestFrenchsocietywhichcontainedinittheelementsmostadversetoGeorge’shopes。Betweenthistimeandthatshehadnospecialengagement,andshehadonlysettledtowriteandwarnherauntofherreturntoLondonadayortwobeforesheleftTheGlenTower。
Underthesecircumstances,thefirst,theall—importantnecessitywastoprevailonhertoprolongherstaybeyondtheallottedsixweeksbytendays。Afterthecautiontobesilentimpressedonme(andmostnaturally,poorboy)inGeorge’sletter,IfeltthatI
couldonlyappealtoherontheordinarygroundofhospitality。
Wouldthisbesufficienttoeffecttheobject?
Iwassurethatthehoursofthemorningandtheafternoonhad,thusfar,beenfullyandhappilyoccupiedbyhervariousamusementsindoorsandout。Shewasnomorewearyofherdaysnowthanshehadbeenwhenshefirstcameamongus。ButIwasbynomeanssocertainthatshewasnottiredofherevenings。Ihadlatterlynoticedsymptomsofwearinessafterthelampswerelit,andasuspiciousregularityinretiringtobedthemomenttheclockstruckten。IfIcouldprovideherwithanewamusementforthelongevenings,Imightleavethedaystotakecareofthemselves,andmightthenmakesure(seeingthatshehadnospecialengagementinLondonuntilthemiddleofNovember)ofherbeingsincerelythankfulandreadytoprolongherstay。
Howwasthistobedone?Thepianoandthenovelshadbothfailedtoattracther。Whatotheramusementwastheretooffer?
Itwasuseless,atpresent,toaskmyselfsuchquestionsasthese。Iwastoomuchagitatedtothinkcollectedlyonthemosttriflingsubjects。Iwaseventoorestlesstostayinmyownroom。Myson’sletterhadgivenmesofreshaninterestinJessiethatIwasnowasimpatienttoseeherasifwewereabouttomeetforthefirsttime。Iwantedtolookatherwithmyneweyes,tolistentoherwithmynewears,tostudyhersecretlywithmynewpurposes,andmynewhopesandfears。Tomydismay(forIwantedtheveryweatheritselftofavorGeorge’sinterests),itwasrainingheavilythatmorning。Iknew,therefore,thatIshouldprobablyfindherinherownsitting—room。WhenIknockedatherdoor,withGeorge’slettercrumpledupinmyhand,withGeorge’shopesinfullpossessionofmyheart,itisnoexaggerationtosaythatmynerveswerealmostasmuchfluttered,andmyideasalmostasmuchconfused,astheywereonacertainmemorabledayinthefarpast,whenIrose,inbrand—newwigandgown,tosetmyfutureprospectsatthebaronthehazardofmyfirstspeech。
WhenIenteredtheroomIfoundJessieleaningbacklanguidlyinherlargestarm—chair,watchingtheraindropsdrippingdownthewindow—pane。Theunfortunateboxofnovelswasopenbyherside,andthebookswerelying,forthemostpart,strewedaboutonthegroundatherfeet。Onevolumelayopen,backupward,onherlap,andherhandswerecrossedoveritlistlessly。Tomygreatdismay,shewasyawning——palpablyandwidelyyawning——whenIcamein。
NosoonerdidIfindmyselfinherpresencethananirresistibleanxietytomakesomesecretdiscoveryoftherealstateofherfeelingstowardGeorgetookpossessionofme。Afterthecustomarycondolencesontheimprisonmenttowhichshewassubjectedbytheweather,Isaid,inascarelessamannerasitwaspossibletoassume:
"Ihaveheardfrommysonthismorning。Hetalksofbeingorderedhome,andtellsmeImayexpecttoseehimbeforetheendoftheyear。"
Iwastoocautioustomentiontheexactdateofhisreturn,forinthatcaseshemighthavedetectedmymotiveforaskinghertoprolonghervisit。
"Oh,indeed?"shesaid。"Howverynice。Howgladyoumustbe。"
Iwatchedhernarrowly。Theclear,darkblueeyesmetmineasopenlyasever。Thesmooth,roundcheekskepttheirfreshcolorquiteunchanged。Thefull,good—humored,smilinglipsnevertrembledoralteredtheirexpressionintheslightestdegree。Herlightcheckedsilkdress,withitsprettytrimmingofcherry—coloredribbon,layquitestilloverthebosombeneathit。
ForalltheinformationIcouldgetfromherlookandmanner,wemightaswellhavebeenahundredmilesapartfromeachother。Isthebestwomanintheworldlittlebetterthanafathomlessabyssofduplicityoncertainoccasions,andwherecertainfeelingsofherownareconcerned?Iwouldrathernotthinkthat;andyetI
don’tknowhowtoaccountotherwiseforthemasterlymannerinwhichMissJessiecontrivedtobaffleme。
Iwasafraid——literallyafraid——tobroachthesubjectofprolonginghersojournwithusonarainyday,soIchangedthetopic,indespair,tothenovelsthatwerescatteredabouther。
"Canyoufindnothingthere,"Iasked,"toamuseyouthiswetmorning?"
"Therearetwoorthreegoodnovels,"shesaid,carelessly,"butIreadthembeforeIleftLondon。"
"Andtheotherswon’tevendoforadulldayinthecountry?"I
wenton。
"Theymightdoforsomepeople,"sheanswered,"butnotforme。
I’mratherpeculiar,perhaps,inmytastes。I’msicktodeathofnovelswithanearnestpurpose。I’msicktodeathofoutburstsofeloquence,andlarge—mindedphilanthropy,andgraphicdescriptions,andunsparinganatomyofthehumanheart,andallthatsortofthing。Goodgraciousme!isn’tittheoriginalintentionorpurpose,orwhateveryoucallit,ofaworkoffiction,tosetoutdistinctlybytellingastory?Andhowmanyofthesebooks,Ishouldliketoknow,dothat?Why,sofarastellingastoryisconcerned,thegreaterpartofthemmightaswellbesermonsasnovels。Oh,dearme!whatIwantissomethingthatseizesholdofmyinterest,andmakesmeforgetwhenitistimetodressfordinner——somethingthatkeepsmereading,reading,reading,inabreathlessstatetofindouttheend。YouknowwhatImean——atleastyouought。Why,therewasthatlittlechancestoryyoutoldmeyesterdayinthegarden——don’tyouremember?——aboutyourstrangeclient,whomyouneversawagain:I
declareitwasmuchmoreinterestingthanhalfthesenovels,_because_itwasastory。Tellmeanotheraboutyouryoungdays,whenyouwereseeingtheworld,andmeetingwithallsortsofremarkablepeople。Or,no——don’ttellitnow——keepittilltheevening,whenweallwantsomethingtostirusup。Youoldpeoplemightamuseusyoungonesoutofyourownresourcesoftenerthanyoudo。Itwasverykindofyoutogetmethesebooks;but,withallrespecttothem,Iwouldratherhavetherummagingofyourmemorythantherummagingofthisbox。What’sthematter?AreyouafraidIhavefoundoutthewindowinyourbosomalready?"
Ihadhalfrisenfrommychairatherlastwords,andIfeltthatmyfacemusthaveflushedatthesamemoment。Shehadstartedanideainmymind——theveryideaofwhichIhadbeeninsearchwhenIwasponderingoverthebestmeansofamusingherinthelongautumnevenings。
IparriedherquestionsbythebestexcusesIcouldoffer;
changedtheconversationforthenextfiveminutes,andthen,makingasuddenremembranceofbusinessmyapologyforleavingher,hastilywithdrewtodevotemyselftothenewideainthesolitudeofmyownroom。
AlittlequietthinkingconvincedmethatIhaddiscoveredameansnotonlyofoccupyingheridletime,butofdecoyingherintostayingonwithus,eveningbyevening,untilmyson’sreturn。Thenewprojectwhichshehadherselfunconsciouslysuggestedinvolvednothinglessthanactingforthwithonherownchancehint,andappealingtoherinterestandcuriositybytherecitalofincidentsandadventuresdrawnfrommyownpersonalexperienceand(ifIcouldgetthemtohelpme)fromtheexperienceofmybrothersaswell。StrangepeopleandstartlingeventshadconnectedthemselveswithOwen’spastlifeasaclergyman,withMorgan’spastlifeasadoctor,andwithmypastlifeasalawyer,whichofferedelementsofinterestofastrongandstrikingkindreadytoourhands。Ifthesenarrativeswerewrittenplainlyandunpretendingly;ifoneofthemwasreadeveryevening,undercircumstancesthatshouldpiquethecuriosityandimpresstheimaginationofouryoungguest,theveryoccupationwasfoundforherwearyhourswhichwouldgratifyhertastes,appealtohernaturalinterestintheearlylivesofmybrothersandmyself,andlureherinsensiblyintoprolonginghervisitbytendayswithoutexcitingasuspicionofourrealmotivefordetainingher。
Isatdownatmydesk;Ihidmyfaceinmyhandstokeepoutallimpressionsofexternalandpresentthings;andIsearchedbackthroughthemysteriouslabyrinthofthePast,throughthedun,ever—deepeningtwilightoftheyearsthatweregone。