"Donotbealarmed,mydearboy,atthechangefortheworseinmyhandwriting。Iamsufferingformydevotiontothestudioushabitsofalifetime:myrighthandisattackedbythemaladycalledWriter’sCramp。Thedoctorherecandonothing。Hetellsmeofsomeforeignwoman,mentionedinhisnewspaper,whocuresnervousderangementsofallkindsbyhand—rubbing,andwhoiscomingtoLondon。Whenyounexthearfromme,ImaybeinLondontoo。"——Theretheletterended。
OfcourseIknewwhotheforeignwoman,mentionedinthenewspaper,was。
ButwhatdoesMissJillgall’sfriendmattertome?Theoneimportantthingis,thatPhiliphasnotbeencalledbacktoIreland。Hereisafortunatecircumstance,whichperhapsmeansmoregoodluck。ImaybeMrs。PhilipDunboynebeforetheyearisout。
CHAPTERXXV。
HELENA’SDIARY。
THEYallnoticeathomethatIamlookingwornandhaggard。Thathideousoldmaid,MissJillgall,hadhermaliciouswelcomereadyformewhenwemetatbreakfastthismorning:"DearHelena,whathasbecomeofyourbeauty?Onewouldthinkyouhadleftitinyourroom!"PoordeludedEuniceshowedhersisterlysympathy:
"Don’tjokeaboutit,Selina:can’tyouseethatHelenaisill?"
I_have_beenill;illofmyownwickedness。
Buttherecoverytomytranquillitywillbringwithittherecoveryofmygoodlooks。MyfatalpassionforPhilippromisestobetheutterdestructionofeverythingthatisgoodinme。
Well!whatisgoodinmemaynotbeworthkeeping。Thereisafateinthesethings。IfIamdestinedtorobEuniceoftheonedearobjectofherloveandhope——howcanIresist?TheonekindthingIcandoistokeepherinignoranceofwhatiscoming,byactsofaffectionatedeceit。
Besides,ifshesuffers,Isuffertoo。InthelengthandbreadthofEngland,Idoubtifthereisamuchmorewickedyoungwomantobefoundthanmyself。Isitnothingtofeelthat,andtoendureitasIdo?
Uponmyword,thereisnoexcuseforme!
Isthissheerimpudence?No;itisthebentofmynature。Ihaveatendencytoself—examination,accompaniedbyonemerit——Idon’tsparemyself。
ThereareexcusesforEunice。Shelivesinafools’paradise;andsheseesinherloveraradiantcreature,shininginthehalothrownoverhimbyherownself—delusion,Nothingofthissortistobesaidforme。IseePhilipasheis。Mypenetrationlooksintothelowestdepthsofhischaracter——whenIamnotinhiscompany。Thereseemstobeafoundationofgood,somewhereinhisnature。Hedespisesandhateshimself(hehasconfessedittome),whenEuniceiswithhim——stillbelievinginherfalsesweetheart。Buthowlongdothesebetterinfluenceslast?Ihaveonlytoshowmyself,inmysister’sabsence,andPhilipisminebodyandsoul。Hisvanityandhisweaknesstakepossessionofhimthemomentheseesmyface。Heisoneofthosemen——eveninmylittleexperienceIhavemetwiththem——whoareborntobeledbywomen。IfEunicehadpossessedmystrengthofcharacter,hewouldhavebeentruetoherforlife。
OughtInot,injusticetomyself,tohaveliftedmyhearthighabovethereachofsuchacreatureasthis?CertainlyIought!I
knowit,Ifeelit。Andyet,thereissomefascinationinhavinghimwhichIamabsolutelyunabletoresist。
What,Iaskmyself,hasfedthenewflamewhichisburninginme?
Diditbeginwithgratifiedpride?ImightwellfeelproudwhenI
foundmyselfadmiredbyamanofhisbeauty,setoffbysuchmannersandsuchaccomplishmentsashis。Or,hasthegrowthofthismasterfulfeelingbeenencouragedbytheenvyandjealousystirredinme,whenIfoundEunice(myinferiorineveryrespect)
distinguishedbythedevotionofahandsomelover,andhavingabrilliantmarriageinview——whileIwasleftneglected,withnoprospectofchangingmytitlefromMisstoMrs。?Vaininquiries!
Mywickedheartseemstohavesecretsofitsown,andtokeepthemamysterytome。
Whathasbecomeofmyexcellenteducation?Idon’tcaretoinquire;Ihavegotbeyondthereachofgoodbooksandreligiousexamples。Amongmyotherblamableactionstheremaynowbereckoneddisobediencetomyfather。Ihavebeenreadingnovelsinsecret。
AtfirstItriedsomeofthefamousEnglishworks,publishedatapricewithinthereachofsmallpurses。Verywellwritten,nodoubt——butwithoneunpardonabledrawback,sofarasIamconcerned。Ourcelebratednativeauthorsaddressthemselvestogoodpeople,ortopenitentpeoplewhowanttobemadegood;nottowickedreaderslikeme。
Arrivingatthisconclusion,Itriedanotherexperiment。Inasmallbookseller’sshopIdiscoveredsomecheaptranslationsofFrenchnovels。Here,IfoundwhatIwanted——sympathywithsin。
Here,therewasopenedtomeanewworldinhabitedentirelybyunrepentantpeople;themagnificentwomendiabolicallybeautiful;
thesatanicmendeadtoeverysenseofvirtue,andalive——perhapsratherdirtilyalive——tothesplendidfascinationsofcrime。I
knownowthatLoveisaboveeverythingbutitself。Loveistheonelawthatweareboundtoobey。Howdeep!howconsoling!howadmirablytrue!ThenovelistsofEnglandhavereasonindeedtohidetheirheadsbeforethenovelistsofFrance。AllthatIhavefelt,andhavewrittenhere,isinspiredbythesewonderfulauthors。
Ihaverelievedmymind,andmaynowreturntothebusinessofmydiary——therecordofdomesticevents。
AnoverwhelmingdisappointmenthasfallenonEunice。Ourdinner—partyhasbeenputoff。
Thestateoffather’shealthisanswerableforthischangeinourarrangementsThatwretchedsceneattheschool,complicatedbymysister’sundutifulbehavioratthetime,soseriouslyexcitedhimthathepassedasleeplessnight,andkepthisbedroomthroughouttheday。Eunice’stotalwantofdiscretionadded,nodoubt,tohissufferings:sherudelyintrudedonhimtoexpressherregretandtoaskhispardon。Havingcarriedherpoint,shewasatleisuretocometome,andtoask(howamazinglysimpleofher!)
whatsheandPhilipweretodonext。
"Wehadarrangeditallsonicely,"thepoorwretchbegan。
"Philipwastohavebeensocleverandagreeableatdinner,andwastohavechosenhistimesoverydiscreetly,thatpapawouldhavebeenreadytolistentoanythinghesaid。
Oh,weshouldhavesucceeded;Ihaven’tadoubtofit!Ouronlyhope,Helena,isinyou。Whatarewetodonow?"
"Wait,"Ianswered。
"Wait?"sherepeated,hotly。"Ismyhearttobebroken?and,whatismorecruelstill,isPhiliptobedisappointed?Iexpectedsomethingmoresensible,mydear,fromyou。Whatpossiblereasoncantherebeforwaiting?"
Thereason——ifIcouldonlyhavementionedit——wasbeyonddispute。IwantedtimetoquietPhilip’suneasyconscience,andtohardenhisweakmindagainstoutburstsofviolence,onEunice’spart,whichwouldcertainlyexhibitthemselveswhenshefoundthatshehadlostherlover,andlosthimtome。Inthemeanwhile,Ihadtoproducemyreasonforadvisinghertowait。
Itwaseasilydone。Iremindedheroftheirritableconditionofourfather’snerves,andgaveitasmyopinionthathewouldcertainlysayNo,ifshewasunwiseenoughtoexcitehimonthesubjectofPhilip,inhispresentframeofmind。
Theseunanswerableconsiderationsseemedtoproducetherighteffectonher。"Isupposeyouknowbest,"wasallshesaid。Andthensheleftme。
Ilethergowithoutfeelinganydistrustofthisactofsubmissiononherpart;itwassuchacommonexperience,inmylife,tofindmysisterguidingherselfbymyadvice。Butexperienceisnotalwaystobetrusted。EventssoonshowedthatI
hadfailedtoestimateEunice’sresourcesofobstinacyandcunningattheirtruevalue。
HalfanhourlaterIheardthestreetdoorclosed,andlookedoutofthewindow。MissJillgallwasleavingthehouse;noonewaswithher。Mydislikeofthispersonledmeastrayoncemore。I
oughttohavesuspectedherofbeingbentonsomemischievouserrand,andtohavedevisedsomemeansofputtingmysuspicionstothetest。Ididnothingofthekind。InthemomentwhenI
turnedmyheadawayfromthewindow,MissJillgallwasapersonforgotten——andIwasapersonwhohadmadeaseriousmistake。
CHAPTERXXVI。
HELENA’SDIARY。
THEeventofto—daybeganwiththedeliveryofamessagesummoningmetomyfather’sstudy。Hehaddecided——toohastily,asIfeared——thathewassufficientlyrecoveredtoresumehisusualemployments。Iwaswritingtohisdictation,whenwewereinterrupted。MariaannouncedavisitfromMr。Dunboyne。
HithertoPhiliphadbeencontenttosendoneoftheservantsofthehoteltomakeinquiryafterMr。Gracedieu’shealth。Whyhadhenowcalledpersonally?Noticingthatfatherseemedtobeannoyed,ItriedtomakeanopportunityofreceivingPhilipmyself。"Letmeseehim,"Isuggested;"Icaneasilysayyouareengaged。"
Veryunwillingly,asitwaseasytosee,myfatherdeclinedtoallowthis。"Mr。Dunboyne’svisitpaysmeacompliment,"hesaid;
"andImustreceivehim。"Imadeashowofleavingtheroom,andwascalledbacktomychair。"Thisisnotaprivateinterview,Helena;staywhereyouare。"
Philipcamein——handsomerthanever,beautifullydressed——andpaidhisrespectstomyfatherwithhiscustomarygrace。Hewastoowell—bredtoallowanyvisiblesignsofembarrassmenttoescapehim。Butwhenheshookhandswithme,Ifeltalittletremblinginhisfingers,throughthedelicategloveswhichfittedhimlikeasecondskin。WasitthetrueobjectofhisvisittotrytheexperimentdesignedbyEuniceandhimself,anddeferredbythepostponementofourdinner—party?Impossiblesurelythatmysistercouldhavepracticedonhisweakness,andpersuadedhimtoreturntohisfirstlove!Iwaited,inbreathlessinterest,forhisnextwords。Theywerenotworthlisteningto。Oh,thepoorcommonplacecreature!
"Iamglad,Mr。Gracedieu,toseethatyouarewellenoughtobeinyourstudyagain,"hesaid。Thewritingmaterialsonthetableattractedhisattention。"AmIoneoftheidlepeople,"heasked,withhischarmingsmile,"whoarealwaysinterruptingusefulemployment?"
Hespoketomyfather,andhewasansweredbymyfather。Notoncehadheaddressedawordtome——no,notevenwhenweshookhands。
Iwasangryenoughtoforcehimintotakingsomenoticeofme,andtomakeanattempttoconfusehimatthesametime。
"Haveyouseenmysister?"Iasked。
"No。"
Itwastheshortestreplythathecouldchoose。Havingflungitatme,hestillpersistedinlookingatmyfatherandspeakingtomyfather:"Doyouthinkoftryingchangeofair,Mr。Gracedieu,whenyoufeelstrongenoughtotravel?"
"Mydutieskeepmehere,"fatheranswered;"andIcannothonestlysaythatIenjoytraveling。Idislikemannersandcustomsthatarestrangetome;Idon’tfindthathotelsrewardmeforgivingupthecomfortsofmyownhouse。Howdoyoufindthehotelhere?"
"Isubmittothehotel,sir。Theyaresadsavagesinthekitchen;
theyputmushroomketchupintotheirsoup,andmustardandcayennepepperintotheirsalads。Iamhalf—starvedatdinner—time,butIdon’tcomplain。"
Everywordhesaidwasanoffensetome。Withorwithoutreason,Iattackedhimagain。
"Ihaveheardyouacknowledgethatthelandlordandlandladyareveryobligingpeople,"Isaid。"Whydon’tyouaskthemtoletyoumakeyourownsoupandmixyourownsalad?"
IwonderedwhetherIshouldsucceedinattractinghisnotice,afterthis。Evenintheseprivatepages,myself—esteemfindsithardtoconfesswhathappened。IsucceededinremindingPhilipthathehadhisreasonsforrequestingmetoleavetheroom。
"Willyouexcuseme,MissHelena,"hesaid,"ifIaskleavetospeaktoMr。Gracedieuinprivate?"
Therightthingformetodowas,letmehope,thethingthatI
did。Irose,andwaitedtoseeifmyfatherwouldinterfere。HelookedatPhilipwithsuspicioninhisface,aswellassurprise。
"MayIask,"hesaid,coldly,"whatistheobjectoftheinterview?"
"Certainly,"Philipanswered,"whenwearealone。"Thiscoolreplyplacedmyfatherbetweentwoalternatives;hemusteithergiveway,orbeguiltyofanactofrudenesstoaguestinhisownhouse。Thechoicereservedformewasnarrowerstill——Ihadtodecidebetweenbeingtoldtogo,orgoingofmyownaccord。Ofcourse,Ileftthemtogether。
Thedoorwhichcommunicatedwiththenextroomwaspulledto,butnotclosed。Ontheothersideofit,IfoundEunice。
"Listening!"Isaid,inawhisper。
"Yes,"shewhisperedback。"Youlisten,too!"
IwassoindignantwithPhilip,andsoseriouslyinterestedinwhatwasgoingoninthestudy,thatIyieldedtotemptation。Webothdegradedourselves。Webothlistened。
Eunice’sbaseloverspokefirst。Judgingbythechangeinhisvoice,hemusthaveseensomethinginmyfather’sfacethatdauntedhim。Euniceheardit,too。"He’sgettingnervous,"shewhispered;"he’llforgettosaytherightthingattherighttime。"
"Mr。Gracedieu,"Philipbegan,"Iwishtospeaktoyou——"
Fatherinterruptedhim:"Wearealonenow,Mr。Dunboyne。Iwanttoknowwhyyouconsultmeinprivate?"
"Iamanxioustoconsultyou,sir,onasubject——"
"Onwhatsubject?Anyreligiousdifficulty?"
"No。"
"AnythingIcandoforyouinthetown?"
"Notatall。Ifyouwillonlyallowme——"
"Iamstillwaiting,sir,toknowwhatitisabout。"
Philip’svoicesuddenlybecameanangryvoice。"Onceforall,Mr。
Gracedieu,"hesaid,"willyouletmespeak?It’saboutyourdaughter——"
"Nomoreofit,Mr。Dunboyne!"(MyfatherwasnowasloudasPhilip。)"Idon’tdesiretoholdaprivateconversationwithyouonthesubjectofmydaughter。"
"Ifyouhaveanypersonalobjectiontome,sir,besogoodastostateitplainly。"
"Youhavenorighttoaskmetodothat。"
"Yourefusetodoit?"
"Positively。"
"Youarenotverycivil,Mr。Gracedieu。"
"IfIspeakwithoutceremony,Mr。Dunboyne,youhaveyourselftothankforit。"
Philiprepliedtothisinatoneofsavageirony。"Youareaministerofreligion,andyouareanoldman。Twoprivileges——andyoupresumeonthemboth。Good—morning。"
Idrewbackintoacorner,justintimetoescapediscoveryinthecharacterofalistener。Eunicenevermoved。WhenPhilipdashedintotheroom,bangingthedoorafterhim,shethrewherselfimpulsivelyonhisbreast:"Oh,Philip!Philip!whathaveyoudone?Whydidn’tyoukeepyourtemper?"
"Didyouhearwhatyourfathersaidtome?"heasked。
"Yes,dear;butyououghttohavecontrolledyourself——youought,indeed,formysake。"
Herarmswerestillroundhim。Itstruckmethathefeltherinfluence。"Ifyouwishmetorecovermyself,"hesaid,gently,"youhadbetterletmego。"
"Oh,howcruel,Philip,toleavemewhenIamsowretched!Whydoyouwanttogo?"
"YoutoldmejustnowwhatIoughttodo,"heanswered,stillrestraininghimself。"IfIamtogetthebetterofmytemper,I
mustbeleftalone。"
"Ineversaidanythingaboutyourtemper,darling。"
"Didn’tyoutellmetocontrolmyself?"
"Oh,yes!Gobacktopapa。andbeghimtoforgiveyou。"
"I’llseehimdamnedfirst!"
Ifeverastupidgirldeservedsuchananswerasthis,thegirlwasmysister。Ihadhitherto(withsomedifficulty)refrainedfrominterfering。ButwhenEunicetriedtofollowPhilipoutofthehouse,Icouldhesitatenolonger;Iheldherback。"Youfool,"Isaid;"haven’tyoumademischiefenoughalready?"
"WhatamItodo?"sheburstout,helplessly。
"DowhatItoldyoutodoyesterday——wait。"
Beforeshecouldreply,orIcouldsayanythingmore,thedoorthatledtothelandingwasopenedsoftlyandslyly,andMissJillgallpeepedin。Euniceinstantlyleftme,andrantothemeddlingoldmaid。Theywhisperedtoeachother。MissJillgall’sskinnyarmencircledmysister’swaist;theydisappearedtogether。
Iwasonlytoogladtogetridofthemboth,andtotaketheopportunityofwritingtoPhilip。IinsistedonanexplanationofhisconductwhileIwasinthestudy——tobegivenwithinanhour’stime,ataplacewhichIappointed。"Youarenottoattempttojustifyyourselfinwriting,"Iaddedinconclusion。
"Letyourreplymerelyinformmeifyoucankeeptheappointment。
Therest,whenwemeet。"
Mariatookthelettertothehotel,withinstructionstowait。
Philip’sreplyreachedmewithoutdelay。ItpledgedhimtojustifyhimselfasIhaddesired,andtokeeptheappointment。Myownbeliefisthattheeventofto—daywilldecidehisfutureandmine。
CHAPTERXXVII。
EUNICE’SDIARY。
INDEED,Iamamostunfortunatecreature;everythingturnsoutbadlywithme。Mygood,truefriend,mydearSelina,hasbecometheobjectofahatefuldoubtinmysecretmind。Iamafraidsheiskeepingsomethingfromme。
Talkingwithheraboutmytroubles,IheardforthefirsttimethatshehadwrittenagaintoMrs。Tenbruggen。TheobjectofherletterwastotellherfriendofmyengagementtoyoungMr。
Dunboyne。Iaskedherwhyshehaddonethis。Theanswerinformedmethattherewasnoknowing,inthepresentstateofmyaffairs,howsoonImightnotwantthehelpofacleverwoman。Iought,I
suppose,tohavebeensatisfiedwiththis。Butthereseemedtobesomethingnotfullyexplainedyet。
Thenagain,aftertellingSelinawhatIheardinthestudy,andhowroughlyPhiliphadspokentomeafterward,Iaskedherwhatshethoughtofit。Shemadeanincomprehensiblereply:"Mysweetchild,Imustn’tthinkofit——Iamtoofondofyou。"
Itwasimpossibletomakeherexplainwhatthismeant。ShebegantotalkofPhilip;assuringme(whichwasquiteneedless)thatshehaddoneherbesttofortifyandencouragehim,beforehecalledonpapa。WhenIaskedhertohelpmeinanotherway——thatistosay,whenIwantedtofindoutwherePhilipwasatthatmoment——shehadnoadvicetogiveme。ItoldherthatIshouldnotenjoyamoment’seaseofminduntilIandmydearonewerereconciled。Sheonlyshookherheadanddeclaredthatshewassorryforme。WhenIhitontheideaofringingforMaria,thislittlewoman,sobright,andquickandeagertohelpmeatothertimes,said"Ileaveittoyou,dear,"andturnedtothepiano(closetowhichIwassitting),andplayedsoftlyandbadlystupidlittletunes。
"Maria,didyouopenthedoorforMr。Dunboynewhenhewentawayjustnow?"
"No,miss。"
Nothingbutill—luckforme!IfIhadbeenlefttomyowndevices,Ishouldnowhaveletthehousemaidgo。ButSelinacontrivedtogivemeahint,onastrangeplanofherown。Stillatthepiano,shebegantoconfusetalkingtoherselfwithplayingtoherself。Thenoteswent_tinkle,tinkle_——andthetonguemixedupwordswiththenotesinthisway:"PerhapstheyhavebeentalkinginthekitchenaboutPhilip?"
Thesuggestionwasnotlostonme。IsaidtoMaria——whowasstandingattheotherendoftheroom,nearthedoor——"DidyouhappentohearwhichwayMr。Dunboynewentwhenheleftus?"
"Iknowwherehewas,miss,halfanhourago。"
"Wherewashe?"
"Atthehotel。"
Selinawentonwithherhintsinthesamewayasbefore。"Howdoessheknow——ah,howdoessheknow?"wasthevocalpartoftheperformancethistime。Mycleverinquiriesfollowedthevocalpartasbefore:
"HowdoyouknowthatMr。Dunboynewasatthehotel?"
"Iwassenttherewithaletterforhim,andwaitedfortheanswer。"
Therewasnosuggestionrequiredthistime。Theonepossiblequestionwas:"Whosentyou?"
Mariareplied,afterfirstreservingacondition:"Youwon’ttelluponme,miss?"
Ipromisednottotell。Selinasuddenlyleftoffplaying。
"Well,"Irepeated,"whosentyou?"
"MissHelena。"
Selinalookedroundatme。Herlittleeyesseemedtohavesuddenlybecomebig,theystaredmesostrangelyintheface。I
don’tknowwhethershewasinastateoffrightorofwonder。Asformyself,Isimplylosttheuseofmytongue。Maria,havingnomorequestionstoanswer,discreetlyleftustogether。
WhyshouldHelenawritetoPhilipatall——andespeciallywithoutmentioningittome?HerewasariddlewhichwasmorethanI
couldguess。IaskedSelinatohelpme。Shemightatleasthavetried,Ithought;butshelookeduneasy,andmadeexcuses。
Isaid:"SupposeIgotoHelena,andaskherwhyshewrotetoPhilip?"AndSelinasaid:"Supposeyoudo,dear。"
IrangforMariaoncemore:"Doyouknowwheremysisteris?"
"Justgoneout,miss。"
Therewasnohelpforitbuttowaittillshecameback,andtogetthroughthetimeintheintervalasIbestmight。Butforonecircumstance,Imightnothaveknownwhattodo。Thetruthis,therewasafeelingofshameinmewhenIrememberedhavinglistenedatthestudydoor。Curiousnotionscomeintoone’shead——onedoesn’tknowhoworwhy。ItstruckmethatImightmakeakindofatonementforhavingbeenmeanenoughtolisten,ifI
wenttopapa,andofferedtokeephimcompanyinhissolitude。Ifwefellintopleasanttalk,Ihadaslyideaofmyown——ImeanttoputinagoodwordforpoorPhilip。
WhenIconfidedmydesigntoSelina,sheshutupthepianoandranacrosstheroomtome。Butsomehowshewasnotlikeheroldselfagain,yet。
"Yougoodlittlesoul,youarealwaysright。Lookatmeagain,Euneece。Areyoubeginningtodoubtme?Oh,mydarling,don’tdothat!Itisn’tusingmefairly。Ican’tbearit——Ican’tbearit!"
Itookherhand;Iwasonthepointofspeakingtoherwiththekindnessshedeservedfromme。Onasuddenshesnatchedherhandawayandranbacktothepiano。Whenshewasseatedonthemusic—stool,herfacewashiddenfromme。Atthatmomentshebrokeintoastrangecry——itbeganlikealaugh,anditendedlikeasob。
"Goawaytopapa!Don’tmindme——I’macreatureofimpulse——ha!
ha!ha!alittlehysterical——thestateoftheweather——Igetridoftheseweaknesses,mydear,bysingingtomyself。Ihaveafavoritesong:’Myheartislight,mywillisfree。’——Goaway!
oh,forGod’ssake,goaway!"
Ihadheardofhysterics,ofcourse;knowingnothingaboutthem,however,bymyownexperience。Whatcouldhavehappenedtoagitateherinthisextraordinarymanner?
HadHelena’sletteranythingtodowithit?WasmysisterindignantwithPhilipforswearinginmypresence;andhadshewrittenhimanangryletter,inherzealonmybehalf?ButSelinacouldnotpossiblyhaveseentheletter——andHelena(whoisoftenhardonmewhenIdostupidthings)showedlittleindulgenceforme,whenIwassounfortunateastoirritatePhilip。Igaveupthehopelessattempttogetatthetruthbyguessing,andwentawaytoforgetmytroubles,ifIcould,inmyfather’ssociety。
Afterknockingtwiceatthedoorofthestudy,andreceivingnoreply,Iventuredtolookin。
Thesofainthisroomstoodoppositethedoor。Papawasrestingonit,butnotincomfort。Thereweretwitchingmovementsinhisfeet,andheshiftedhisarmsthiswayandthatasifnorestfulposturecouldhefoundforthem。Butwhatfrightenedmewasthis。
Hiseyes,staringstraightatthedoorbywhichIhadgonein,hadaninquiringexpression,asifheactuallydidnotknowme!I
stoodmidwaybetweenthedoorandthesofa,doubtfulaboutgoingnearertohim。
Hesaid:"Whoisit?"Thistome——tohisowndaughter。Hesaid:
"Whatdoyouwant?"
Ireallycould_not_bearit。Iwentuptohim。Isaid:"Papa,haveyouforgottenEunice?"
Mynameseemed(ifonemaysaysuchathing)tobringhimtohimselfagain。Hesatuponthesofa——andlaughedasheansweredme。
"Mydearchild,whatdelusionhasgotintothatprettylittleheadofyours?FancyherthinkingthatIhadforgottenmyowndaughter!Iwaslostinthought,Eunice。Forthemoment,Iwaswhattheycallanabsentman。DidIevertellyouthestoryoftheabsentman?Hewenttocalluponsomeacquaintanceofhis;
andwhentheservantsaid,’Whatname,sir?’Hecouldn’tanswer。
Hewasobligedtoconfessthathehadforgottenhisownname。Theservantsaid,’That’sverystrange。’Theabsentmanatoncerecoveredhimself。’That’sit!’hesaid:’mynameisStrange。’
Droll,isn’tit?IfIhadbeencallingonafriendto—day,I
daresay_I_mighthaveforgottenmyname,too。Muchtothinkof,Eunice——toomuchtothinkof。"
第10章