’AndhowamItobecomehiswifeunlessIlovehimwellenoughmyself？
MrsArabin，Ihavemadeupmymindaboutit。Ishallneverbecomeanyman’swife。MammaandIareallinalltogether，andweshallremaintogether。’Andassoonasthesewordswereoutofhermouth，shehatedherselfforhavingspokenthem。Therewasamaudlin，missish，namby—pambysentimentalityaboutthemwhichdisgustedher。Shespeciallydesiredtobestraightforward，resoluteofpurpose，honest—spoken，andfreefromalltouchofaffectation。AndyetshehadexcusedherselffrommarryingJohnEamesafterthefashionofasickschoolgirl。’Itisnotgoodtalkingaboutitanymore，’shesaid，gettingupfromherchairquickly。
’Youarenotangrywithme；——oratanyrateyouwillforgiveme？’
’I’mquitesureyouhavemeanttobeverygood，andIamnotabitangry。’
’Andyouwillseehimbeforeyougo？’
’Oh，yes；thatisifhelikestocometoday，orearlytomorrow。Igohometomorrow。Icannotrefusehim，becauseheissuchanoldfriend——almostlikeabrother。Butitisofnouse，MrsArabin。’ThenMrsArabinkissedherandlefther，tellingherthatMrEameswouldcometoherthatafternoonathalf—pastfive。Lilypromisedthatshewouldbeathometoreceivehim。
’Won’tyouridewithusforthelasttime？’saidEmilyDunstablewhenLilygavenoticethatshewouldnotwantthehorseonthatafternoon。
’No；nottoday。’
’You’llneverhaveanotheropportunityofridingwithEmilyDunstable，’
saidthebrideelect；’atleastIhopenot。’
’EvenunderthosecircumstancesImustrefuse，thoughIwouldgiveaguineatobewithyou。JohnEamesiscomingheretosaygood—bye。’
’Oh；thenindeedyoumustnotcomewithus。Lily，whatwillyousaytohim？’
’Nothing。’
’Oh，Lily，thinkofit。’
’Ihavethoughtofit。Ihavethoughtofnothingelse。Iamtiredofthinkingofit。Itisnogoodtothinkofanythingsomuch。Whatdoesitmatter？’
’Itisverygoodtohavesomeonetolovebetterthanalltheworldbesides。’
’Ihavesomeone，’saidLily，thinkingofhermother，butnotcaringtodescendtothemawkishweaknessoftalkingabouther。
’Yes；butsomeonewhowillalwaysbewithyou，todoeverythingforyou；
tobeyourveryown。’
’Itisallverywellforyou，’saidLily，’andIthinkthatBernardistheluckiestfellowintheworld；butitwillnotdoforme。IknowinwhatcollegeI’lltakemydegree，andIwishthey’dletmewritethelettersaftermynameasthemendo。’
’Whatletters，Lily？’
’OM，forOldMaid。Idon’tseewhyitshouldn’tbeasgoodasBAforBachelorofArts。Itwouldmeanagreatdealmore。’
CHAPTERLXXVII
THESHATTEREDTREE
WhenMrsArabinsawJohnnyinthemiddleoftheday，shecouldhardlygivehimmuchencouragement。Andyetshefeltbynomeanssurethathemightnotsucceedevenyet。Lilyhadbeenverypositiveinheranswers，andyettherehadbeensomethingeitherinherwordsorinthetoneofhervoice，whichhadmadeMrsArabinfeelthatevenLilywasnotquitesureofherself。Therewasstillroomforrelenting。Nothing，however，hadbeensaidwhichcouldjustifyherinbiddingJohnEamessimplyto’goandwin’。’Ithinkheislightofheart，’Lilyhadsaid。Thosewerethewordswhich，ofallthathadbeenspoken，mostimpressedthemselvesonMrsArabin’smemory。Shewouldnotrepeatthemtoherfriend，butshewouldgraftuponthemsuchadviceasshehadtogivehim。
Andthisshedid，tellinghimthatshethoughtperhapsLilydoubtedhisactualearnestness。’Iwouldmarryherthismoment，’saidJohnny。Butthatwasnotenough，asMrsArabinknew，toprovehisearnestness。Manymen，fickleasweathercocks，arereadytomarryatthemoment——arereadytomarryatthemoment，becausetheyarefickle，andthinksolittleaboutit。’Butshehears，perhaps，ofyourlikingotherpeople，’saidMrsArabin。’Idon’tcareastrawforanyotherperson，’saidJohnny。’I
wonderwhetherifIwastoshutmyselfupinacageforsixmonths，itwoulddoanygood？’’Ifshehadthekeepingofthecage，perhapsitmight，’saidMrsArabin。Shehadnothingmoretosayonthatsubject，buttotellhimthatMissDalewouldexpecthimthatafternoonathalf—pastfive。’Itoldherthatyouwouldcometowishhergood—bye，andshepromisedtoseeyou。’
’Iwishshe’dsayshewouldn’tseeme。Thentherewouldbesomechance。’
BetweenhimandMrsArabin，thepartingwasveryaffectionate。Shetoldhimhowthankfulshewasforthekindnessincomingtoher，andhowgratefulshewouldeverbe——andthedeanalso——forhisattentiontoher。
’Remember，MrEames，thatyouwillalwaysbemostwelcomeattheDeaneryofBarchester。AndIdohopethatbeforelongyoumaybetherewithyourwife。’Andsotheyparted。
Heleftheratabouttwo，andwenttoMrToogood’sofficeinBedfordRow。Hefoundhisuncle，andthetwowentouttolunchtogetherinHolborn。BetweenthemtherewasnowordsaidaboutLilyDale，andJohnwasgladtohavesomeothersubjectinhismindforhalfanhour。
ToogoodwasfullofhistriumphaboutMrCrawleyandofhissuccessesinBarsetshire。HegaveJohnalongaccountofhisvisittoPlumstead，andexpressedhisopinionthatifallclergymenwerelikethearchdeacontherewouldnotbemuchroomforDissenters。’I’veseenagoodmanyparsonsinmytime，’saidToogood；’butIdon’tthinkIeversawsuchaoneashim。Youknowheisaclergymansomehow，andheneverletsyouforgetit；butthat’saboutall。Mostof’emarenevercontentedwithoutchokingyouwiththeirwhitecravatsallthetimeyou’rewith’em。AsforCrawleyhimself，’MrToogoodcontinued，’he’snotlikeanybodythateverwasborn，saintorsinner，parsonorlayman。Ineverheardofsuchamaninallmyexperience。ThoughheknewwherehegotthechequeaswellIknowitnow，hewouldn’tsayso，becausethedeanhadsaiditwasn’tso。Somebodyoughttowriteabookaboutit——indeedtheyought。’
ThenhetoldthewholestoryofDanStringer，andhowhehadfoundDanout，lookingatthetopeofDan’shatthroughthelittleapertureinthewalloftheinnparlour。’WhenIsawthetwitchinhishand，John，I
knewhehadhandledthechequehimself。Idon’tmeantosaythatI’msharperthananotherman，andIdon’tthinkso；butIdomeantosaythatwhenyouareinanydifficultyofthatsort，yououghttogotoalawyer。It’shisbusiness，andamandoeswhatishisbusinesswithpatienceandperseverance。It’sapity，though，thatthescoundrelshouldgetoff。’ThenEamesgavehisuncleanaccountofhisItaliantrip，toandfro，andwascongratulatedalsouponhissuccess。John’sgreattriumphlayinthefactthathehadbeenonlytwonightsinbed，andthathewouldnothavesofarcondescendedonthoseoccasionsbutforthefeminineweaknessofhisfellow—traveller。’Weshan’tforgetitallinahurry——shallwe，John？’saidMrToogood，inapleasantvoice，astheypartedatthedooroftheluncheon—houseinHolborn。Toogoodwasreturningtohisoffice，andJohnEameswastopreparehimselfforhislastattempt。
Hewentbacktohislodgings，intendingatfirsttochangehisdresstomakehimselfsmarterfortheworkbeforehim——butafterstandingforamomentortwoleaningonthechestofdrawersinhisbedroom，hegaveupthisidea。’Afterallthat’scomeandgone，’hesaidtohimself，’ifI
cannotwinherasIamnow，Icannotwinheratall。’Andthenhesworetohimselfasolemnoath，resolvingthathewouldrepeatthepurportofittoLilyherself——thatthisshouldbethelastattempt。’What’stheuseofit？Everybodyridiculesme。AndIamridiculous。Iamanass。
It’sallverywellwantingtobetheprimeminister；butifyoucan’tbeprimeminister，youmustdowithoutbeingprimeminister。’Thenheattemptedtosingtheoldsong——’ShallI，sighingindespair，diebecauseawoman’sfair？Ifshebenotfairtome，whatcareIhowfairshebe？’Buthedidcare，andhetoldhimselfthatthesongdidhimnogood。AsitwasnottimeforhimasyettogotoLily，hethrewhimselfonthesofa，andstrovetoreadabook。Thenallthewearynightsofhisjourneyprevailedoverhim，andhefellasleep。
Whenhewokeitwantedquartertosix。Hesprangup，andrushingout，jumpedintoacab。’BerkeleySquare——ashardasyoucango，’hesaid。
’Number——。’HethoughtofRosalind，andhercounselstoloversastothekeepingoftime，andreflectedthatinsuchanemergencyasthis，hemightreallyhaveruinedhimselfbythatunfortunateslumber。WhenhegottoMrsThorne’sdoorheknockedhurriedly，andbustleduptothedrawing—roomasthougheverythingdependedonhissavingaminute。’I’mafraidI’meversomuchbehindmytime，’hesaid。
’Itdoesnotmatterinthel...完整阅读请扫描二维码下载丁香书院APP免费看：