首页 >出版文学> The Last Chronicle of Barset>第57章
  ’ButthisspeaksofyourgoingnextMonday,Josiah,’saidMrsCrawley。
  ’IfinditmoresuitablethatIshouldgotoday,’saidhe。’SomedutyI
  dooweinthismatter,bothtothebishop,andtoDrTempest,who,afterafashionis,asregardsmypresentbusiness,thebishop’srepresentative。ButIdonotperceivethatIoweitasadutytoeithertoobeyimplicitlytheirinjunctions,andIwillnotsubmitmyselftothecross—questioningofthemanThumble。AsIampurposedatpresentI
  shallexpressmywillingnesstogiveuptheparish。’
  ’Giveuptheparishaltogether?’
  ’Yes,altogether。’Ashespokeheclaspedbothhishandstogether,andhavingheldthemforamomentonhigh,allowedthemtofallthusclaspedbeforehim。’Icannotgiveitupinpart;Icannotabandonthedutiesandreservethehonorarium。NorwouldIifIcould。’
  ’Ididnotmeanthat,Josiah。Butpraythinkofitbeforeyouspeak。’
  ’Ihavethoughtofit,andIwillthinkofit。Farewell,mydear。’
  Thenhecameuptoherandkissedher,andstartedonhisjourneyonfoottoSilverbridge。
  ItwasaboutnoonwhenhereachedSilverbridge,andhewastoldthatDoctorTempestwasathome。Theservantaskedhimforacard。’Ihavenocard,’saidMrCrawley,’butIwillwritemynameforyourbehoofifyourmaster’shospitalitywillallowmepaperandpencil。’Thenamewaswritten,andasCrawleywaitedinthedrawing—roomhespenthistimeinhatingDrTempestbecausethedoorhadbeenopenedbyaman—servantdressedinblack。HadthemanbeeninliveryhewouldhavehatedDrTempestallthesame。Andhewouldhavehatedhimalittlehadthedoorbeenopenedbyasmartmaid。
  ’Yourlettercametohandyesterdaymorning,DrTempest,’saidMrCrawley,stillstanding,thoughthedoctorhadpointedtoachairforhimaftershakinghandswithhim;’andhavinggivenyesterdaytotheconsiderationofit,withwhatjudgmentIhavebeenabletoexercise,I
  havefeltittobeincumbentuponmetowaituponyouwithoutfurtherdelay,asbydoingsoImayperhapsassistyourviewsandsavelabourtothosegentlemenwhoarejoinedwithyouinthiscommissionofwhichyouhavespoken。TosomeofthemitmaypossiblybetroublesomethattheyshouldbebroughthereonnextMonday。
  DrTempesthadbeenlookingathimduringthisspeech,andcouldseebyhisshoesandtrousersthathehadwalkedfromHogglestocktoSilverbridge。’MrCrawley,willyounotsitdown?’saidhe,andthenheranghisbell。MrCrawleysatdown,notonthechairindicated,butonthefurtherremovedandattheothersideofthetable。Whentheservantcame——theobjectionablebutlerinblackclothesthatweresomuchsmarterthanMrCrawley’sown——hismaster’sorderswerecommunicatedwithoutanyaudibleword,andthemanreturnedwithadecanterandwine—glasses。
  ’Afteryourwalk,MrCrawley,’saidDrTempest,gettingupfromhisseattopouroutwine。
  ’None,Ithankyou。’
  ’Prayletmepersuadeyou。Iknowthelengthofthemilessowell。’
  ’Iwilltakenoneifyouplease,sir,’saidMrCrawley。
  ’Now,MrCrawley,’saidDrTempest,’doletmespeaktoyouasafriend。
  Youhavewalkedeightmiles,andaregoingtotalktomeonasubjectwhichisofvitalimportancetoyourself。Iwon’tdiscussitunlessyou’lltakeaglassofwineandabiscuit。’
  ’DrTempest!’
  ’I’mquiteinearnest。Iwon’t。IfyoudoasIask,youshalltalktometilldinner—time,ifyoulike。There。Nowyoumaybegin。’
  MrCrawleydideatthebiscuitanddiddrinkthewine,andashedidso,heacknowledgedtohimselfthatDrTempestwasright。Hefeltthatthewinehadmadehimstrongertospeak。’IhardlyknowwhyyouhavepreferredtodaytonextMonday,’saidDrTempest;’butifanythingcanbedonebyyourpresenceheretoday,yourtimeshallnotbethrownaway。’
  ’IhavepreferredtodaytoMonday,’saidCrawley,’partlybecauseI
  wouldsoonertalktoonemanthantofive。’
  ’Thereissomethinginthat,certainly,’saidDrTempest。
  ’AndasIhavemadeupmymindastothecourseofactionwhichitismydutytotakeinthemattertowhichyourletteroftheninthofthismonthrefers,therecanbenoreasonwhyIshouldpostponethedeclarationofmypurpose。DrTempest,IhavedeterminedtoresignmyprefermentatHogglestock,andshalltodaywritetotheDeanofBarchester,whoisthepatron,acquaintinghimofmypurpose。’
  ’Youmeanintheevent——intheevent——’
  ’Imean,sir,todothiswithoutreferencetoanyeventthatisfuture。
  Thebishop,DrTempest,whenIshallhavebeenprovedtobeathief,shallhavenotroubleeitherincausingmysuspensionormydeprivation。
  Thenameandfameofaparishclergymanshouldbeunstained。Minehavebecomefoulwithinfamy。Iwillnotwaittobedeprivedbyanycourt,byanybishop,orbyanycommission。Iwillbowmyheadtothatpublicopinionwhichhasreachedme,andIwilldeprivemyself。’
  Hehadgotupfromhischair,andwasstandingashepronouncedthefinalsentenceagainsthimself。DrTempeststillremainedseatedinhischair,lookingathim,andforafewmomentstherewassilence。’Youmustnotdothat,MrCrawley,’saidDrTempest,atlast。
  ’ButIshalldoit。’
  ’Thenthedeanmustnottakeyourresignation。Speakingtoyoufrankly,Itellyouthatthereisnoprevailingopinionastotheverdictwhichthejurymaygive。’
  ’Mydecisionhasnothingtodowiththejury’sverdict。Mydecision——’
  ’Stopamoment,MrCrawley。Itispossiblethatyoumightsaythatwhichshouldnotbesaid。’
  ’Thereisnothingtobesaid——nothingwhichIcouldsay,whichIwouldnotsayattheTownCrossifitwerepossible。Astothismoney,IdonotknowwhetherIstoleitorwhetherIdidnot。’
  ’ThatisjustwhatIhavethought。’
  ’Itisso。’
  ’Thenyoudidnotstealit。Therecanbenodoubtaboutthat。’
  ’Thankyou,DrTempest。Ithankyouheartilyforsayingsomuch。But,sir,youarenotthejury。Nor,ifyouwere,couldyouwhitewashmefromtheinfamywhichhasbeencastuponme。Againsttheopinionexpressedatthebeginningoftheseproceedingsbythebishopofthisdiocese——orratheragainstthatexpressedbyhiswife——Ididventuretomakeastand。Neithertheopinionwhichcamefromthepalace,northevehiclebywhichitwasexpressed,commandedmyrespect。Sincethat,othershavespokentowhomIfeelmyselfboundtoyield——yourselfnottheleastamongthem,DrTempest——andtothemIshallyield。YoumaytelltheBishopofBarchester,thatIshallatonceresigntheperpetualcuracyofHogglestockintothehandsoftheDeanofBarchester,bywhomIwasappointed。’
  ’No,MrCrawley;Ishallnotdothat。Icannotcontrolyou,butthinkingyoutobewrong,Ishallnotmakethatcommunicationtothebishop。’
  ’ThenIshalldoitmyself。’
  ’Andyourwife,MrCrawley,andyourchildren?’
  AtthatmomentMrCrawleycalledtomindtheadviceofhisfriendGilesHoggett。’It’ddoggedasdoesit。’Hecertainlywantedsomethingverystrongtosustainhiminthisdifficulty。Hefoundthatthisreferencetohiswifeandchildrenrequiredhimtobedoggedinaverymarkedmanner。’Icanonlytrustthatthewindmaybetemperedtothem,’hesaid。’Theywill,indeed,beshornlambs。’
  DrTempestgotupfromhischair,andtookacoupleofturnsabouttheroombeforehespokeagain。’Man,’hesaid,addressingMrCrawleywithallhisenergy,’ifyoudothisthing,youwillthenatleastbeverywicked。Ifthejuryfindaverdictinyourfavouryouaresafe,andthechancesarethattheverdictwillbeinyourfavour。’
  ’Icarenothingnowfortheverdict,’saidMrCrawley。
  ’Andyouwillturnyourwifeintothepoorhouseforanidea!’
  ’It’sdoggedasdoesit,’saidMrCrawleytohimself。’Ihavethoughtofthat,’hesaidaloud。’Thatmywifeisdeartome,andthatmychildrenaredear,Iwillnotdeny。Shewassoftlynurtured,DrTempest,andcamefromahouseinwhichwantwasneverknown。Sinceshehassharedmyboardshehashadsomeexperienceofthatnature。ThatI
  shouldhavebroughthertoallthisisveryterribletome——soterrible,thatIoftenwonderhowitisthatIlive。But,sir,youwillagreewithme,thatmydutyasaclergymanisaboveeverything。Idonotdare,evenfortheirsake,toremainintheparish。Goodmorning,DrTempest。’DrTempest,findingthathecouldnotprevailwithhim,badehimadieu,feelingthatanyservicetotheCrawleyswithininhispowermightbebestdonebyintercessionwiththebishopandwiththedean。
  ThenMrCrawleywalkedbacktoHogglestock,repeatingtohimselfGilesHoggett’swords,’It’sdoggedasdoesit。’
  CHAPTERLXII
  MRCRAWLEY’SLETTERTOTHEDEAN
  MrCrawley,whenhegothomeafterhiswalktoSilverbridge,deniedthathewasatalltired。’ThemanatSilverbridge,whomIwenttoseeadministeredrefreshmenttome;——nay,headministereditwithsalutaryviolence,’hesaid,affectingeventolaugh。’AndIamboundtospeakwellofhimonbehalfofmerciesoverandbeyondthatexhibitedbythepersistenttenderofsomewine。ThatIshouldfindhimjudiciousIhadexpected。WhatlittleIhaveknownofhimtaughtmesotothinkofhim。
  ButIfoundwithhimalsoasoftnessofheartforwhichIhadnotlooked。’
  ’Andyouwillnotgiveuptheliving,Josiah?’
  ’MostcertainlyIwill。Aduty,whenitisclearbeforeaman,shouldneverbemadelesssobyanytendernessinothers。’HewasstillthinkingofGilesHoggett。’It’sdoggedasdoesit。’Thepoorwomancouldnotanswerhim。Sheknewwellthatitwasvaintoarguewithhim。
  Shecouldonlyhopethatintheeventofhisbeingacquittedatthetrial,thedean,whosefriendshipshedidnotdoubt,mightre—endowhimwiththesmallbeneficewhichwastheironlysourceofbread。
  OnthefollowingmorningtherecamebypostashortnotefromDrTempest。’MydearMrCrawley,’thenoteran,’Iimploreyou,iftherebeyettime,todonothingrashly。Andeventhoughyoushouldhavewrittentothebishoportothedean,yourlettersneedhavenoeffect,ifyouwillallowmetomaketheminoperative。PermitmetosaythatIamamanmucholderthanyou,andonewhohasmixedmuchbothwithclergymenandwiththeworldatlarge。Itellyouwithabsoluteconfidence,thatitisnotyourdutyinyourpresentpositiontogiveupyourliving。Shouldyourconducteverbecalledinquestiononthismatteryouwillbeatperfectlibertytosaythatyouwereguidedbymyadvice。
  Youshouldtakenosteptillafterthetrial。Then,iftheverdictbeagainstyou,youshouldsubmittothebishop’sjudgment。Iftheverdictbeinyourfavour,thebishop’sinterferencewillbeover。’
  ’Andyoumustrememberthatifitisnotyourdutyasaclergymantogiveupyourliving,youcanhavenoright,seeingthatyouhaveawifeandfamily,tothrowitawayasanindulgencetoyourpride。Consultanyotherfriendyouplease——MrRobarts,orthedeanhimself。IamquitesurethatanyfriendwhoknowsmanyofthecircumstancesasI
  knowwilladviseyoutoholdtheliving,atanyratetillafterthetrial。Youcanreferanysuchfriendtome。——Believeme,tobeyoursverytruly,MORTIMERTEMPEST’
  MrCrawleywalkedaboutagainwiththisletterinhispocket,butonthisoccasionhedidnotgointhedirectionofHoggleEnd。FromHoggleEndhecouldhardlyhopetopickupfurtherlessonsofwisdom。WhatcouldanyGilesHoggettsaytohimbeyondwhathehadsaidtohimalready?Ifheweretoreadthedoctor’slettertoHoggett,andtosucceedinmakingHoggettunderstandit,Hoggettcouldonlycautionhimtobedogged。ButitseemedtohimthatHoggettandhisnewfriendatSilverbridgedidnotagreeintheirdoctrines,anditmightbewellthatheshouldendeavourtofindoutwhichofthemhadmostofjusticeonhisside。HewasquitesurethatHoggettwouldadvisehimtoadheretohisprojectofgivinguptheliving——ifonlyHoggettcouldmemadetounderstandthecircumstances。
  ’Hehadwritten,buthadnotasyetsentawayhislettertothedean。
  Hislettertothebishopwouldbebutanote,andhehadpostponedthewritingofthattilltheothershouldbecopiedandmadecomplete。
  Hehadsatuplateintothenightcomposingandalteringhislettertohisoldfriend,andnowthatthecompositionwasfinishedhewaslothtothrowitaway。Earlyinthismorning,beforethepostmanhadbroughttohimDrTempest’surgentremonstrance,hehadshowntohiswifethedraftofhislettertothedean。’Icannotsaythatitisnottrue,’shehadsaid。
  ’Itiscertainlytrue。’
  ’ButIwish,mydear,youwouldnotsendit。Whyshouldyoutakeanysteptillthetrialbeover?’
  ’Ishallassuredlysendit,’hehadreplied。’Ifyouwillperuseitagain,youwillseethattheepistlewouldbefutilewereitkepttillI
  shallhavebeenprovedtobeathief。’
  ’Oh,Josiah,suchwordskillme。’
  ’Theyarenotpleasant,butitwillbewellthatyoushouldbecomeusedtothem。Asfortheletter,Ihavetakensometroubletoexpressmyselfwithperspicuity,andItrustthatImayhavesucceeded。’AtthattimeHoggettwasaltogetherintheascendant;butnow,ashestartedonhiswalk,hismindwassomewhatperturbedbythecontraryadviceofone,whoafterall,mightbeaswiseasHoggett。TherewouldbenothingdoggedintheconductrecommendedtohimbyDrTempest。Werehetofollowthedoctor’sadvice,hewouldbetrimminghissails,soastocatchanyslantofabreezethatmightbefavourabletohim。Therecouldbenodoggednessinacharacterthatwouldsubmittosuchtrimming。
  ThepostmancametoHogglestockbutonceaday,sothathecouldnotdespatchhislettertillthenextmorning——unless,indeed,hechosetosenditadistanceoffourmilestothenearestpost—office。Astherewasnothingtojustifythis,therewasanothernightforthecopyingofhisletter——shouldheatlastdeterminetosendit。Hehadsworntohiswifethatitshouldgo。Hehadtakenmuchtroublewithit。HebelievedinHoggett。But,nevertheless,thisincumbencyofHogglestockwashisallintheworld。Itmightbethathecouldstillholdit,andhavebreadatleastforhiswifetoeat。DrTempesthadtoldhimthathewouldbeprobablyacquitted。DrTempestknewasmuchofallthecircumstancesashedidhimself,andhadtoldhimthathewasnotguilty。Afterall,DrTempestknewmoreaboutitthatHoggettknew。
  Ifheresignedtheliving,whatwouldbecomeofhim——ofhim——ofhimandhiswife?Whitherwouldtheyfirstgowhentheyturnedtheirbackuponthedoorinsidewhichtherehadatanyratebeenshelterforthemforsomanyyears?Hecalculatedeverythingthathehad,andfoundthatattheendofApril,evenwhenheshouldhavereceivedhisrent—charge,therewouldnotbefivepoundsinhandamongthem。Asforhisfurniture,hestillowedenoughtomakeitimpossiblethatheshouldgetanythingoutofthat。Andthesethoughtsallhadreferencetohispositionifheshouldbeacquitted。Whatwouldbecomeofhiswifeifheshouldbeconvicted?Andasforhimself,whitherwouldhegowhenhecameoutofprison?
  HehadcompletelyrealisedtheideathatHoggett’scounselwasopposedtothatgiventohimbyDrTempest;butthenitmightcertainlybethecasethatHoggetthadnotknownallthefacts。Amanshould,nodoubt,bedoggedwhentheevilsoflifeareinsuperable;butneedhebesowhentheevilscanbeovercome?WouldnotHoggetthimselfundergoanytreatmentwhichhebelievedtobespecificforrheumatism?Yes;Hoggettwouldundergoanytreatmentthatwasnotinitselfopposedtohisduty。
  Thebesttreatmentforrheumatismmightbetostayawayfromthebrick—
  fieldonarainyday;butifso,therewouldbenomoneytokeepthepotboiling,andHoggettwouldcertainlygotothebrick—field,rheumatismandall,aslongashislimbswouldcarryhimthere。Yes;hewouldsendhisletter。Itwashisduty,andhewoulddoit。Menlookedaskanceathim,andpointedathimasathief。Hewouldsendtheletter,inspiteofDrTempest。Letjusticebedone,thoughtheheavenmayfall。
  HehadheardofLadyLufton’stohiswife。TheoffersoftheLadyLuftonsoftheworldhadbeensorelydistressingtohisspirit,sinceithadfirstcometopassthatsuchoffershadreachedhiminconsequenceofhispoverty。ButnowtherewassomethingalmostofrelieftohiminthethoughtthattheLadyLuftonswould,aftersomefashion,savehiswifeandchildrenfromstarvation——wouldsavehiswifefromthepoorhouse,andenablehischildrentohaveastartintheworld。Foroneofhischildrenabrilliantmarriagemightbeprovided——ifonlyhehimselfwereoutoftheway。Howcouldhetakehimselfoutoftheway?
  Ithadbeenwhisperedtohimthathemightbeimprisonedfortwomonths——orfortwoyears。Woulditnotbeagrandthingifthejudgewouldcondemnhimtobeimprisonedforlife?Wastheeeveramanwhoseexistencewassopurposeless,souseless,sodeleterious,ashisown?
  AndyetheknewHebrewwell,whereasthedeanknewbutverylittleHebrew。HecouldmakeGreekiambics,anddoubtedwhetherthebishopknewthedifferencebetweenaniambusandatrochee。Hecoulddisporthimselfwithtrigonometry,feelingconfidentthatDrTempesthadforgottenhiswayovertheasses’bridge。Heknew’Lycidas’byheart;andasforThumble,hefeltquitesurethatThumblewasincompetentofunderstandingasingleallusioninthatdivinepoem。Nevertheless,thoughallhiswealthofacquirementwashis,itwouldbebetterforhimself,betterforthosewhobelongedtohim,betterfortheworldatlarge,thatheshouldbeputanendto。Asentenceofpenalservitudeforlife,withoutanytrial,wouldbeofallthingsthemostdesirable。
  ThentherewouldbeampleroomforthepracticeofthevirtuethatHoggetthadtaughthim。
  WhenhereturnedhometheHoggethandoctrineprevailed,andhepreparedtocopyhisletter。Butbeforehecommencedhistask,hesatdownwithhisyoungestdaughter,andread——ormadeherreadtohim——apassageofaGreekpoem,inwhicharedescribedthetroublesandagoniesofablindgiant。Nogiantwouldhavebeenmorepowerful——onlythathewasblind,andcouldnotseetoavengehimselfonthosewhohadinjuredhim。’Thesamestoryisalwayscomingup,’hesaid,stoppingthegirlinherreading。’Wehaveitinvariousversions,becauseitistruetolife。
  "Askforthisgreatdeliverernow,andfindhimEyelessinGaza,atthemillwithslaves。"
  Itisthesamestory。Greatpowerreducedtoimpotence,greatglorytomisery,bythehandofFate——Necessity,astheGreekscalledher;togoddessthatwillnotbeshunned。Atthemillwithslaves!People,whentheyreadit,donotappreciatethehorrorofthepicture。Goonmydear。ItmaybeaquestionwhetherPolyphemushadmindenoughtosuffer;
  but,fromthedescriptionofhispower,Ishouldthinkhehad。"Atthemillwithslaves!"Cananypicturebemoredreadfulthanthat?Goon,mydear。OfcourseyourememberMilton’sSamsonAgonistes。Agonistesindeed!’Hiswifewassittingstitchingattheothersideoftheroom;
  butsheheardhiswords——heardandunderstoodthem;andbeforeJanecouldagaingetherselfintotheswingoftheGreekverse,shewasoveratherhusband’sside,withherarmsroundhisneck。’Mylove!’shesaid。’Mylove!’
  Heturnedtoher,andsmiledashespoketoher。’Theseareoldthoughtswithme。PolyphemusandBelisarius,andSamsonandMilton,havealwaysbeenpetsofmine。Themindofthestrongblindcreaturemustbesensibleoftheinjurythathehasbeendonetohim!Theimpotency,combinedwiththestrength,orrathertheimpotencywiththemiseryofformerstrengthandformeraspirations,issoessentiallytragic!’
  Shelookedintohiseyesashespoke,andtherewassomethingoftheflashofolddays,whentheworldwasyoungtothem,andwhenhewouldtellherofhishopes,andrepeattoherlongpassagesofpoetry,andwouldcriticiseforheradvantagetheworksoftheoldwriters。’ThankGod,’shesaid,’thatyouarenotblind。Itmayyetbeallrightwithyou。’
  ’Yes——itmaybe,’hesaid。
  ’Andyoushallnotbeatthemillwithslaves。’
  ’Or,atanyrate,noteyelessinGaza,iftheLordisgoodtome。Come,Jane,wewillgoon。’Thenhetookupthepassagehimself,andreaditonwithclear,sonorousvoice,everynowandthenexplainingsomepassageorexpressinghisownideasuponit,asthoughhewerereallyhappywithhispoetry。
  Itwaslateintheeveningbeforehegotouthissmallstockofbestletter—paper,andsatdowntoworkathisletter。Hefirstaddressedhimselftothebishop;andwhathewrotedowntothebishopwasasfollows:—
  ’HOGGLESTOCKPARSONAGE,April11,186—
  ’MYLORDBISHOP,’IhavebeenincommunicationwithDrTempest,ofSilverbridge,fromwhomIhavelearnedthatyourlordshiphasbeenpleasedtoappointacommissionofinquiry——ofwhichcommissionheisthechairman——withreferencetotheproceedingswhichitmaybenecessarythatyoushouldtake,asbishopofthediocese,aftermyforthcomingtrialattheapproachingBarchesterassizes。Mylord,Ithinkitrighttoinformyou,partlywithaviewtothecomfortofthegentlemennamedonthatcommission,andpartlywiththepurportofgivingyoutheinformationwhichIthinkthatabishopshouldpossessinregardtotheclericalaffairsofhisowndiocese,thatIhavebythispostresignedmyprefermentatHogglestockintothehandsoftheDeanofBarchester,bywhomitwasgiventome。Inthesecircumstances,itwill,Isuppose,beunnecessaryforyoutocontinuethecommissionwhichyouhavesetinforce;butastothat,yourlordshipwill,ofcourse,betheonlyjudge。——Ihavethehonourtobe,myLordBishop,yourmostobedientandveryhumbleservant,’JOSIAHCRAWLEY
  PerpetualCurateofHogglestock’TheRightReverend’TheBishopofBarchester,’&c,&c,&cThePalace,Barchester’
  Buttheletterwhichwasofrealimportance——whichwasintendedtosaysomething——wasthattothedean,andthatalsoshallbegiventothereader。MrCrawleyhadbeenforawhileindoubthowheshouldaddresshisoldfriendincommencingthisletter,understandingthatitstonethroughoutmustbe,inagreatdegree,bemadconformablewithitsfirstwords。Hewouldfain,inhispride,havebegun’Sir’。Thequestionwasbetweenthatand’MydearArabin’。Ithadoncebetweenthemalwaysbeen’DearFrank,’andDearJoe’’buttheoccasionsfor’DearFrank’and’DearJoe’betweenthemhadlongbeenpast。CrawleywouldhavebeenveryangryhadhenowbeencalledJoebythedean,andwouldhavebittenhistongueoutbeforehewouldhavecalledthedeanFrank。Hisbetternature,however,nowprevailed,andhebeganhisletter,andcompleteditasfollows:—
  ’MYDEARARABIN,’Circumstances,ofwhichyouhaveprobablyheardsomething,compelmetowritetoyou,asIfear,atsomelength。Iamsorrythatthetroubleofsuchalettershouldbeforceduponyouduringyourholidays’;——MrCrawley,ashewrotethis,didnotforgettoremindhimselfthatheneverhadanyholidays;——’butIthinkyouwilladmit,ifyouwillbearwithmetotheend,thatIhavenoalternative。
  ’Ihavebeenaccusedofstealingachequefortwentypounds,whichchequewasdrawnbyLordLuftononhisLondonbankers,andwaslostoutofhispocketbyMrSoames,hislordship’sagent,andwassolost,asMrSoamesstates——butwithanabsoluteassertion——duringavisitwhichhemadetomyparsonagehereatHogglestock。OfthefactthatIpaidthechequetoatradesmaninSilverbridgethereisnodoubt。
  Whenquestionedaboutit,IfirstgaveananswerwhichwassomanifestlyincorrectthatithasseemedoddtomethatI
  shouldnothavehadcreditforamistakefromthosewhomusthaveseenthatdetectionwassoevident。Theblunderwasundoubtedlystupid,anditnowbearsheavilyonme。Ithen,asIhavelearned,madeanothererror——ofwhichIamawarethatyouhavebeeninformed。Isaidthatthechequehadcomefromyou,andinsayingso,Ithoughtthatithadformedaportionofthatalmswhichyouropen—handedbenevolencebestoweduponmewhenIattendedonyou,notlongbeforeyourdeparture,inyourlibrary。Ihavestriventorememberthefacts。Itmaybe——nay,itprobablyisthecase——thatsuchstrugglestocatchsomeaccurateglimpseofbygonethingsdonottroubleyou。Youmindis,nodoubt,clearerandstrongerthanmine,havingbeenkepttoitspropertunebygreaterandfitterwork。Withme,memoryisallbutgone,andthepowerofthinkingisonthewane!Istruggledtoremember,andIthoughtthatthechequehadbeeninanenvelopewhichyouhandedtome——andIsaidso。Ihavesincelearned,fromtidingsreceived,asIamtold,directfromyourself,thatIwaswronginthesecondstatementasIhadbeeninthefirst。Thedoubleblunderhas,ofcourse,beenveryheavyonme。