’ButthisspeaksofyourgoingnextMonday,Josiah,’saidMrsCrawley。
’IfinditmoresuitablethatIshouldgotoday,’saidhe。’SomedutyI
dooweinthismatter,bothtothebishop,andtoDrTempest,who,afterafashionis,asregardsmypresentbusiness,thebishop’srepresentative。ButIdonotperceivethatIoweitasadutytoeithertoobeyimplicitlytheirinjunctions,andIwillnotsubmitmyselftothecross—questioningofthemanThumble。AsIampurposedatpresentI
shallexpressmywillingnesstogiveuptheparish。’
’Giveuptheparishaltogether?’
’Yes,altogether。’Ashespokeheclaspedbothhishandstogether,andhavingheldthemforamomentonhigh,allowedthemtofallthusclaspedbeforehim。’Icannotgiveitupinpart;Icannotabandonthedutiesandreservethehonorarium。NorwouldIifIcould。’
’Ididnotmeanthat,Josiah。Butpraythinkofitbeforeyouspeak。’
’Ihavethoughtofit,andIwillthinkofit。Farewell,mydear。’
Thenhecameuptoherandkissedher,andstartedonhisjourneyonfoottoSilverbridge。
ItwasaboutnoonwhenhereachedSilverbridge,andhewastoldthatDoctorTempestwasathome。Theservantaskedhimforacard。’Ihavenocard,’saidMrCrawley,’butIwillwritemynameforyourbehoofifyourmaster’shospitalitywillallowmepaperandpencil。’Thenamewaswritten,andasCrawleywaitedinthedrawing—roomhespenthistimeinhatingDrTempestbecausethedoorhadbeenopenedbyaman—servantdressedinblack。HadthemanbeeninliveryhewouldhavehatedDrTempestallthesame。Andhewouldhavehatedhimalittlehadthedoorbeenopenedbyasmartmaid。
’Yourlettercametohandyesterdaymorning,DrTempest,’saidMrCrawley,stillstanding,thoughthedoctorhadpointedtoachairforhimaftershakinghandswithhim;’andhavinggivenyesterdaytotheconsiderationofit,withwhatjudgmentIhavebeenabletoexercise,I
havefeltittobeincumbentuponmetowaituponyouwithoutfurtherdelay,asbydoingsoImayperhapsassistyourviewsandsavelabourtothosegentlemenwhoarejoinedwithyouinthiscommissionofwhichyouhavespoken。TosomeofthemitmaypossiblybetroublesomethattheyshouldbebroughthereonnextMonday。
DrTempesthadbeenlookingathimduringthisspeech,andcouldseebyhisshoesandtrousersthathehadwalkedfromHogglestocktoSilverbridge。’MrCrawley,willyounotsitdown?’saidhe,andthenheranghisbell。MrCrawleysatdown,notonthechairindicated,butonthefurtherremovedandattheothersideofthetable。Whentheservantcame——theobjectionablebutlerinblackclothesthatweresomuchsmarterthanMrCrawley’sown——hismaster’sorderswerecommunicatedwithoutanyaudibleword,andthemanreturnedwithadecanterandwine—glasses。
’Afteryourwalk,MrCrawley,’saidDrTempest,gettingupfromhisseattopouroutwine。
’None,Ithankyou。’
’Prayletmepersuadeyou。Iknowthelengthofthemilessowell。’
’Iwilltakenoneifyouplease,sir,’saidMrCrawley。
’Now,MrCrawley,’saidDrTempest,’doletmespeaktoyouasafriend。
Youhavewalkedeightmiles,andaregoingtotalktomeonasubjectwhichisofvitalimportancetoyourself。Iwon’tdiscussitunlessyou’lltakeaglassofwineandabiscuit。’
’DrTempest!’
’I’mquiteinearnest。Iwon’t。IfyoudoasIask,youshalltalktometilldinner—time,ifyoulike。There。Nowyoumaybegin。’
MrCrawleydideatthebiscuitanddiddrinkthewine,andashedidso,heacknowledgedtohimselfthatDrTempestwasright。Hefeltthatthewinehadmadehimstrongertospeak。’IhardlyknowwhyyouhavepreferredtodaytonextMonday,’saidDrTempest;’butifanythingcanbedonebyyourpresenceheretoday,yourtimeshallnotbethrownaway。’
’IhavepreferredtodaytoMonday,’saidCrawley,’partlybecauseI
wouldsoonertalktoonemanthantofive。’
’Thereissomethinginthat,certainly,’saidDrTempest。
’AndasIhavemadeupmymindastothecourseofactionwhichitismydutytotakeinthemattertowhichyourletteroftheninthofthismonthrefers,therecanbenoreasonwhyIshouldpostponethedeclarationofmypurpose。DrTempest,IhavedeterminedtoresignmyprefermentatHogglestock,andshalltodaywritetotheDeanofBarchester,whoisthepatron,acquaintinghimofmypurpose。’
’Youmeanintheevent——intheevent——’
’Imean,sir,todothiswithoutreferencetoanyeventthatisfuture。
Thebishop,DrTempest,whenIshallhavebeenprovedtobeathief,shallhavenotroubleeitherincausingmysuspensionormydeprivation。
Thenameandfameofaparishclergymanshouldbeunstained。Minehavebecomefoulwithinfamy。Iwillnotwaittobedeprivedbyanycourt,byanybishop,orbyanycommission。Iwillbowmyheadtothatpublicopinionwhichhasreachedme,andIwilldeprivemyself。’
Hehadgotupfromhischair,andwasstandingashepronouncedthefinalsentenceagainsthimself。DrTempeststillremainedseatedinhischair,lookingathim,andforafewmomentstherewassilence。’Youmustnotdothat,MrCrawley,’saidDrTempest,atlast。
’ButIshalldoit。’
’Thenthedeanmustnottakeyourresignation。Speakingtoyoufrankly,Itellyouthatthereisnoprevailingopinionastotheverdictwhichthejurymaygive。’
’Mydecisionhasnothingtodowiththejury’sverdict。Mydecision——’
’Stopamoment,MrCrawley。Itispossiblethatyoumightsaythatwhichshouldnotbesaid。’
’Thereisnothingtobesaid——nothingwhichIcouldsay,whichIwouldnotsayattheTownCrossifitwerepossible。Astothismoney,IdonotknowwhetherIstoleitorwhetherIdidnot。’
’ThatisjustwhatIhavethought。’
’Itisso。’
’Thenyoudidnotstealit。Therecanbenodoubtaboutthat。’
’Thankyou,DrTempest。Ithankyouheartilyforsayingsomuch。But,sir,youarenotthejury。Nor,ifyouwere,couldyouwhitewashmefromtheinfamywhichhasbeencastuponme。Againsttheopinionexpressedatthebeginningoftheseproceedingsbythebishopofthisdiocese——orratheragainstthatexpressedbyhiswife——Ididventuretomakeastand。Neithertheopinionwhichcamefromthepalace,northevehiclebywhichitwasexpressed,commandedmyrespect。Sincethat,othershavespokentowhomIfeelmyselfboundtoyield——yourselfnottheleastamongthem,DrTempest——andtothemIshallyield。YoumaytelltheBishopofBarchester,thatIshallatonceresigntheperpetualcuracyofHogglestockintothehandsoftheDeanofBarchester,bywhomIwasappointed。’
’No,MrCrawley;Ishallnotdothat。Icannotcontrolyou,butthinkingyoutobewrong,Ishallnotmakethatcommunicationtothebishop。’
’ThenIshalldoitmyself。’
’Andyourwife,MrCrawley,andyourchildren?’
AtthatmomentMrCrawleycalledtomindtheadviceofhisfriendGilesHoggett。’It’ddoggedasdoesit。’Hecertainlywantedsomethingverystrongtosustainhiminthisdifficulty。Hefoundthatthisreferencetohiswifeandchildrenrequiredhimtobedoggedinaverymarkedmanner。’Icanonlytrustthatthewindmaybetemperedtothem,’hesaid。’Theywill,indeed,beshornlambs。’
DrTempestgotupfromhischair,andtookacoupleofturnsabouttheroombeforehespokeagain。’Man,’hesaid,addressingMrCrawleywithallhisenergy,’ifyoudothisthing,youwillthenatleastbeverywicked。Ifthejuryfindaverdictinyourfavouryouaresafe,andthechancesarethattheverdictwillbeinyourfavour。’
’Icarenothingnowfortheverdict,’saidMrCrawley。
’Andyouwillturnyourwifeintothepoorhouseforanidea!’
’It’sdoggedasdoesit,’saidMrCrawleytohimself。’Ihavethoughtofthat,’hesaidaloud。’Thatmywifeisdeartome,andthatmychildrenaredear,Iwillnotdeny。Shewassoftlynurtured,DrTempest,andcamefromahouseinwhichwantwasneverknown。Sinceshehassharedmyboardshehashadsomeexperienceofthatnature。ThatI
shouldhavebroughthertoallthisisveryterribletome——soterrible,thatIoftenwonderhowitisthatIlive。But,sir,youwillagreewithme,thatmydutyasaclergymanisaboveeverything。Idonotdare,evenfortheirsake,toremainintheparish。Goodmorning,DrTempest。’DrTempest,findingthathecouldnotprevailwithhim,badehimadieu,feelingthatanyservicetotheCrawleyswithininhispowermightbebestdonebyintercessionwiththebishopandwiththedean。
ThenMrCrawleywalkedbacktoHogglestock,repeatingtohimselfGilesHoggett’swords,’It’sdoggedasdoesit。’
CHAPTERLXII
MRCRAWLEY’SLETTERTOTHEDEAN
MrCrawley,whenhegothomeafterhiswalktoSilverbridge,deniedthathewasatalltired。’ThemanatSilverbridge,whomIwenttoseeadministeredrefreshmenttome;——nay,headministereditwithsalutaryviolence,’hesaid,affectingeventolaugh。’AndIamboundtospeakwellofhimonbehalfofmerciesoverandbeyondthatexhibitedbythepersistenttenderofsomewine。ThatIshouldfindhimjudiciousIhadexpected。WhatlittleIhaveknownofhimtaughtmesotothinkofhim。
ButIfoundwithhimalsoasoftnessofheartforwhichIhadnotlooked。’
’Andyouwillnotgiveuptheliving,Josiah?’
’MostcertainlyIwill。Aduty,whenitisclearbeforeaman,shouldneverbemadelesssobyanytendernessinothers。’HewasstillthinkingofGilesHoggett。’It’sdoggedasdoesit。’Thepoorwomancouldnotanswerhim。Sheknewwellthatitwasvaintoarguewithhim。
Shecouldonlyhopethatintheeventofhisbeingacquittedatthetrial,thedean,whosefriendshipshedidnotdoubt,mightre—endowhimwiththesmallbeneficewhichwastheironlysourceofbread。
OnthefollowingmorningtherecamebypostashortnotefromDrTempest。’MydearMrCrawley,’thenoteran,’Iimploreyou,iftherebeyettime,todonothingrashly。Andeventhoughyoushouldhavewrittentothebishoportothedean,yourlettersneedhavenoeffect,ifyouwillallowmetomaketheminoperative。PermitmetosaythatIamamanmucholderthanyou,andonewhohasmixedmuchbothwithclergymenandwiththeworldatlarge。Itellyouwithabsoluteconfidence,thatitisnotyourdutyinyourpresentpositiontogiveupyourliving。Shouldyourconducteverbecalledinquestiononthismatteryouwillbeatperfectlibertytosaythatyouwereguidedbymyadvice。
Youshouldtakenosteptillafterthetrial。Then,iftheverdictbeagainstyou,youshouldsubmittothebishop’sjudgment。Iftheverdictbeinyourfavour,thebishop’sinterferencewillbeover。’
’Andyoumustrememberthatifitisnotyourdutyasaclergymantogiveupyourliving,youcanhavenoright,seeingthatyouhaveawifeandfamily,tothrowitawayasanindulgencetoyourpride。Consultanyotherfriendyouplease——MrRobarts,orthedeanhimself。IamquitesurethatanyfriendwhoknowsmanyofthecircumstancesasI
knowwilladviseyoutoholdtheliving,atanyratetillafterthetrial。Youcanreferanysuchfriendtome。——Believeme,tobeyoursverytruly,MORTIMERTEMPEST’
MrCrawleywalkedaboutagainwiththisletterinhispocket,butonthisoccasionhedidnotgointhedirectionofHoggleEnd。FromHoggleEndhecouldhardlyhopetopickupfurtherlessonsofwisdom。WhatcouldanyGilesHoggettsaytohimbeyondwhathehadsaidtohimalready?Ifheweretoreadthedoctor’slettertoHoggett,andtosucceedinmakingHoggettunderstandit,Hoggettcouldonlycautionhimtobedogged。ButitseemedtohimthatHoggettandhisnewfriendatSilverbridgedidnotagreeintheirdoctrines,anditmightbewellthatheshouldendeavourtofindoutwhichofthemhadmostofjusticeonhisside。HewasquitesurethatHoggettwouldadvisehimtoadheretohisprojectofgivinguptheliving——ifonlyHoggettcouldmemadetounderstandthecircumstances。
’Hehadwritten,buthadnotasyetsentawayhislettertothedean。
Hislettertothebishopwouldbebutanote,andhehadpostponedthewritingofthattilltheothershouldbecopiedandmadecomplete。
Hehadsatuplateintothenightcomposingandalteringhislettertohisoldfriend,andnowthatthecompositionwasfinishedhewaslothtothrowitaway。Earlyinthismorning,beforethepostmanhadbroughttohimDrTempest’surgentremonstrance,hehadshowntohiswifethedraftofhislettertothedean。’Icannotsaythatitisnottrue,’shehadsaid。
’Itiscertainlytrue。’
’ButIwish,mydear,youwouldnotsendit。Whyshouldyoutakeanysteptillthetrialbeover?’
’Ishallassuredlysendit,’hehadreplied。’Ifyouwillperuseitagain,youwillseethattheepistlewouldbefutilewereitkepttillI
shallhavebeenprovedtobeathief。’
’Oh,Josiah,suchwordskillme。’
’Theyarenotpleasant,butitwillbewellthatyoushouldbecomeusedtothem。Asfortheletter,Ihavetakensometroubletoexpressmyselfwithperspicuity,andItrustthatImayhavesucceeded。’AtthattimeHoggettwasaltogetherintheascendant;butnow,ashestartedonhiswalk,hismindwassomewhatperturbedbythecontraryadviceofone,whoafterall,mightbeaswiseasHoggett。TherewouldbenothingdoggedintheconductrecommendedtohimbyDrTempest。Werehetofollowthedoctor’sadvice,hewouldbetrimminghissails,soastocatchanyslantofabreezethatmightbefavourabletohim。Therecouldbenodoggednessinacharacterthatwouldsubmittosuchtrimming。
ThepostmancametoHogglestockbutonceaday,sothathecouldnotdespatchhislettertillthenextmorning——unless,indeed,hechosetosenditadistanceoffourmilestothenearestpost—office。Astherewasnothingtojustifythis,therewasanothernightforthecopyingofhisletter——shouldheatlastdeterminetosendit。Hehadsworntohiswifethatitshouldgo。Hehadtakenmuchtroublewithit。HebelievedinHoggett。But,nevertheless,thisincumbencyofHogglestockwashisallintheworld。Itmightbethathecouldstillholdit,andhavebreadatleastforhiswifetoeat。DrTempesthadtoldhimthathewouldbeprobablyacquitted。DrTempestknewasmuchofallthecircumstancesashedidhimself,andhadtoldhimthathewasnotguilty。Afterall,DrTempestknewmoreaboutitthatHoggettknew。
Ifheresignedtheliving,whatwouldbecomeofhim——ofhim——ofhimandhiswife?Whitherwouldtheyfirstgowhentheyturnedtheirbackuponthedoorinsidewhichtherehadatanyratebeenshelterforthemforsomanyyears?Hecalculatedeverythingthathehad,andfoundthatattheendofApril,evenwhenheshouldhavereceivedhisrent—charge,therewouldnotbefivepoundsinhandamongthem。Asforhisfurniture,hestillowedenoughtomakeitimpossiblethatheshouldgetanythingoutofthat。Andthesethoughtsallhadreferencetohispositionifheshouldbeacquitted。Whatwouldbecomeofhiswifeifheshouldbeconvicted?Andasforhimself,whitherwouldhegowhenhecameoutofprison?
HehadcompletelyrealisedtheideathatHoggett’scounselwasopposedtothatgiventohimbyDrTempest;butthenitmightcertainlybethecasethatHoggetthadnotknownallthefacts。Amanshould,nodoubt,bedoggedwhentheevilsoflifeareinsuperable;butneedhebesowhentheevilscanbeovercome?WouldnotHoggetthimselfundergoanytreatmentwhichhebelievedtobespecificforrheumatism?Yes;Hoggettwouldundergoanytreatmentthatwasnotinitselfopposedtohisduty。
Thebesttreatmentforrheumatismmightbetostayawayfromthebrick—
fieldonarainyday;butifso,therewouldbenomoneytokeepthepotboiling,andHoggettwouldcertainlygotothebrick—field,rheumatismandall,aslongashislimbswouldcarryhimthere。Yes;hewouldsendhisletter。Itwashisduty,andhewoulddoit。Menlookedaskanceathim,andpointedathimasathief。Hewouldsendtheletter,inspiteofDrTempest。Letjusticebedone,thoughtheheavenmayfall。
HehadheardofLadyLufton’stohiswife。TheoffersoftheLadyLuftonsoftheworldhadbeensorelydistressingtohisspirit,sinceithadfirstcometopassthatsuchoffershadreachedhiminconsequenceofhispoverty。ButnowtherewassomethingalmostofrelieftohiminthethoughtthattheLadyLuftonswould,aftersomefashion,savehiswifeandchildrenfromstarvation——wouldsavehiswifefromthepoorhouse,andenablehischildrentohaveastartintheworld。Foroneofhischildrenabrilliantmarriagemightbeprovided——ifonlyhehimselfwereoutoftheway。Howcouldhetakehimselfoutoftheway?
Ithadbeenwhisperedtohimthathemightbeimprisonedfortwomonths——orfortwoyears。Woulditnotbeagrandthingifthejudgewouldcondemnhimtobeimprisonedforlife?Wastheeeveramanwhoseexistencewassopurposeless,souseless,sodeleterious,ashisown?
AndyetheknewHebrewwell,whereasthedeanknewbutverylittleHebrew。HecouldmakeGreekiambics,anddoubtedwhetherthebishopknewthedifferencebetweenaniambusandatrochee。Hecoulddisporthimselfwithtrigonometry,feelingconfidentthatDrTempesthadforgottenhiswayovertheasses’bridge。Heknew’Lycidas’byheart;andasforThumble,hefeltquitesurethatThumblewasincompetentofunderstandingasingleallusioninthatdivinepoem。Nevertheless,thoughallhiswealthofacquirementwashis,itwouldbebetterforhimself,betterforthosewhobelongedtohim,betterfortheworldatlarge,thatheshouldbeputanendto。Asentenceofpenalservitudeforlife,withoutanytrial,wouldbeofallthingsthemostdesirable。
ThentherewouldbeampleroomforthepracticeofthevirtuethatHoggetthadtaughthim。
WhenhereturnedhometheHoggethandoctrineprevailed,andhepreparedtocopyhisletter。Butbeforehecommencedhistask,hesatdownwithhisyoungestdaughter,andread——ormadeherreadtohim——apassageofaGreekpoem,inwhicharedescribedthetroublesandagoniesofablindgiant。Nogiantwouldhavebeenmorepowerful——onlythathewasblind,andcouldnotseetoavengehimselfonthosewhohadinjuredhim。’Thesamestoryisalwayscomingup,’hesaid,stoppingthegirlinherreading。’Wehaveitinvariousversions,becauseitistruetolife。
"Askforthisgreatdeliverernow,andfindhimEyelessinGaza,atthemillwithslaves。"
Itisthesamestory。Greatpowerreducedtoimpotence,greatglorytomisery,bythehandofFate——Necessity,astheGreekscalledher;togoddessthatwillnotbeshunned。Atthemillwithslaves!People,whentheyreadit,donotappreciatethehorrorofthepicture。Goonmydear。ItmaybeaquestionwhetherPolyphemushadmindenoughtosuffer;
but,fromthedescriptionofhispower,Ishouldthinkhehad。"Atthemillwithslaves!"Cananypicturebemoredreadfulthanthat?Goon,mydear。OfcourseyourememberMilton’sSamsonAgonistes。Agonistesindeed!’Hiswifewassittingstitchingattheothersideoftheroom;
butsheheardhiswords——heardandunderstoodthem;andbeforeJanecouldagaingetherselfintotheswingoftheGreekverse,shewasoveratherhusband’sside,withherarmsroundhisneck。’Mylove!’shesaid。’Mylove!’
Heturnedtoher,andsmiledashespoketoher。’Theseareoldthoughtswithme。PolyphemusandBelisarius,andSamsonandMilton,havealwaysbeenpetsofmine。Themindofthestrongblindcreaturemustbesensibleoftheinjurythathehasbeendonetohim!Theimpotency,combinedwiththestrength,orrathertheimpotencywiththemiseryofformerstrengthandformeraspirations,issoessentiallytragic!’
Shelookedintohiseyesashespoke,andtherewassomethingoftheflashofolddays,whentheworldwasyoungtothem,andwhenhewouldtellherofhishopes,andrepeattoherlongpassagesofpoetry,andwouldcriticiseforheradvantagetheworksoftheoldwriters。’ThankGod,’shesaid,’thatyouarenotblind。Itmayyetbeallrightwithyou。’
’Yes——itmaybe,’hesaid。
’Andyoushallnotbeatthemillwithslaves。’
’Or,atanyrate,noteyelessinGaza,iftheLordisgoodtome。Come,Jane,wewillgoon。’Thenhetookupthepassagehimself,andreaditonwithclear,sonorousvoice,everynowandthenexplainingsomepassageorexpressinghisownideasuponit,asthoughhewerereallyhappywithhispoetry。
Itwaslateintheeveningbeforehegotouthissmallstockofbestletter—paper,andsatdowntoworkathisletter。Hefirstaddressedhimselftothebishop;andwhathewrotedowntothebishopwasasfollows:—
’HOGGLESTOCKPARSONAGE,April11,186—
’MYLORDBISHOP,’IhavebeenincommunicationwithDrTempest,ofSilverbridge,fromwhomIhavelearnedthatyourlordshiphasbeenpleasedtoappointacommissionofinquiry——ofwhichcommissionheisthechairman——withreferencetotheproceedingswhichitmaybenecessarythatyoushouldtake,asbishopofthediocese,aftermyforthcomingtrialattheapproachingBarchesterassizes。Mylord,Ithinkitrighttoinformyou,partlywithaviewtothecomfortofthegentlemennamedonthatcommission,andpartlywiththepurportofgivingyoutheinformationwhichIthinkthatabishopshouldpossessinregardtotheclericalaffairsofhisowndiocese,thatIhavebythispostresignedmyprefermentatHogglestockintothehandsoftheDeanofBarchester,bywhomitwasgiventome。Inthesecircumstances,itwill,Isuppose,beunnecessaryforyoutocontinuethecommissionwhichyouhavesetinforce;butastothat,yourlordshipwill,ofcourse,betheonlyjudge。——Ihavethehonourtobe,myLordBishop,yourmostobedientandveryhumbleservant,’JOSIAHCRAWLEY
PerpetualCurateofHogglestock’TheRightReverend’TheBishopofBarchester,’&c,&c,&cThePalace,Barchester’
Buttheletterwhichwasofrealimportance——whichwasintendedtosaysomething——wasthattothedean,andthatalsoshallbegiventothereader。MrCrawleyhadbeenforawhileindoubthowheshouldaddresshisoldfriendincommencingthisletter,understandingthatitstonethroughoutmustbe,inagreatdegree,bemadconformablewithitsfirstwords。Hewouldfain,inhispride,havebegun’Sir’。Thequestionwasbetweenthatand’MydearArabin’。Ithadoncebetweenthemalwaysbeen’DearFrank,’andDearJoe’’buttheoccasionsfor’DearFrank’and’DearJoe’betweenthemhadlongbeenpast。CrawleywouldhavebeenveryangryhadhenowbeencalledJoebythedean,andwouldhavebittenhistongueoutbeforehewouldhavecalledthedeanFrank。Hisbetternature,however,nowprevailed,andhebeganhisletter,andcompleteditasfollows:—
’MYDEARARABIN,’Circumstances,ofwhichyouhaveprobablyheardsomething,compelmetowritetoyou,asIfear,atsomelength。Iamsorrythatthetroubleofsuchalettershouldbeforceduponyouduringyourholidays’;——MrCrawley,ashewrotethis,didnotforgettoremindhimselfthatheneverhadanyholidays;——’butIthinkyouwilladmit,ifyouwillbearwithmetotheend,thatIhavenoalternative。
’Ihavebeenaccusedofstealingachequefortwentypounds,whichchequewasdrawnbyLordLuftononhisLondonbankers,andwaslostoutofhispocketbyMrSoames,hislordship’sagent,andwassolost,asMrSoamesstates——butwithanabsoluteassertion——duringavisitwhichhemadetomyparsonagehereatHogglestock。OfthefactthatIpaidthechequetoatradesmaninSilverbridgethereisnodoubt。
Whenquestionedaboutit,IfirstgaveananswerwhichwassomanifestlyincorrectthatithasseemedoddtomethatI
shouldnothavehadcreditforamistakefromthosewhomusthaveseenthatdetectionwassoevident。Theblunderwasundoubtedlystupid,anditnowbearsheavilyonme。Ithen,asIhavelearned,madeanothererror——ofwhichIamawarethatyouhavebeeninformed。Isaidthatthechequehadcomefromyou,andinsayingso,Ithoughtthatithadformedaportionofthatalmswhichyouropen—handedbenevolencebestoweduponmewhenIattendedonyou,notlongbeforeyourdeparture,inyourlibrary。Ihavestriventorememberthefacts。Itmaybe——nay,itprobablyisthecase——thatsuchstrugglestocatchsomeaccurateglimpseofbygonethingsdonottroubleyou。Youmindis,nodoubt,clearerandstrongerthanmine,havingbeenkepttoitspropertunebygreaterandfitterwork。Withme,memoryisallbutgone,andthepowerofthinkingisonthewane!Istruggledtoremember,andIthoughtthatthechequehadbeeninanenvelopewhichyouhandedtome——andIsaidso。Ihavesincelearned,fromtidingsreceived,asIamtold,directfromyourself,thatIwaswronginthesecondstatementasIhadbeeninthefirst。Thedoubleblunderhas,ofcourse,beenveryheavyonme。