CHAPTERXXXVI
GRACECRAWLEYRETURNSHOME
AboutthistimeGraceCrawleyreceivedtwoletters，thefirstofthemreachingherwhileJohnEameswasstillatthecottage，andtheotherimmediatelyafterhisreturntoLondon。Theybothhelptotellourstory，andourreadershall，therefore，readthemifhesoplease——or，rather，heshallreadthefirstandasmuchofthesecondasisnecessaryforhim。Grace’sanswertothefirstletterheshallseealso。
Heranswertothesecondwillbetoldinaveryfewwords。ThefirstwasfromMajorGrantly，andthetaskofansweringthatwasbynomeanseasyforGrace。
’COSBYLODGE，——February，186—
’DEARESTGRACE，’ItoldyouwhenIpartedfromyou，thatIshouldwritetoyou，andIthinkitbesttodosoatonce，inorderthatyoumayfullyunderstandme。Spokenwordsaresoonforgotten，’——’I
shallneverforgethiswords，’Gracehadsaidtoherselfasshereadthis；——’andarenotalwaysasplainastheymightbe。DearGrace，IsupposeIoughtnottosayso，butIfanciedwhenI
partedfromyouatAllington，thatIhadsucceededinmakingmyselfdeartoyou。Ibelieveyoutobesotrueinspirit，thatyouwereunabletoconcealfrommethefactthatyouloveme。I
shallbelievethatitisso，tillIamdeliberatelyandsolemnlyassuredbyyourselfthatitisnotso；——andIconjureyoutothinkwhatisduebothtoyourselfandtomyself，beforeyouallowyourselftothinkofmakingsuchanassuranceunlessitbestrictlytrue。
’IhavealreadytoldmyfriendsthatIhaveaskedyoutobemywife。Itellyouthis，inorderthatyoumayknowhowlittleeffectyouranswertomehashadtowardsinducingmetogiveyouup。Whatyousaidaboutyourfatherandyourfamilyhasnoweightwithme，andoughtultimatelytohavenonewithyou。
Thisbusinessofyourfather’sgreatmisfortune——sogreat，thatprobably，hadwenotknowneachotherbeforeithappened，itmighthavepreventedourbecomingintimatewhenwechancedtomeet。Butwehadmetbeforeithappened，andbeforeithappenedIhaddeterminedtoaskyoutobemywife。WhatshouldIhavetothinkofmyselfifIallowedmyhearttobealteredbysuchacauseasthat？
’IhaveonlyfurthertosaythatIloveyoubetterthananyoneintheworld，andthatitismybesthopethatyouwillbemywife。Iwillnotpressyoufurthertillthisaffairofyourfather’shasbeensettled；butwhenthatisover，Ishalllookformyrewardwithoutreferencetoitsresult。NotthatIdoubttheresultiftherebeanythinglikejusticeinEngland；butthatyourdebttome，ifyouowemeanydebt，willbealtogetherirrespectiveofthat。If，asIsuppose，youwillremainatAllingtonforsometimelonger，Ishallnotseeyoutillafterthetrialisover。Assoonasthatisdone，Iwillcometoyouwhereveryouare。InthemeantimeIshalllookforananswertothis；andifitbetruethatyouloveme，dear，dearGrace，prayhavethecouragetotellmeso。——Mostaffectionatelyyourown，’HENRYGRANTLY’
WhentheletterwasgiventoGraceacrossthebreakfast—table，bothMrsDaleandLilysuspectedthatitcamefromMajorGrantly，butnotawordwasspokenaboutit。WhenGracewithhesitatinghandbroketheenvelope，neitherofherfriendslookedather。Lilyhadaletterofherown，andMrsDaleopenedthenewspaper。Butstillitwasimpossiblenottoperceivethatherfacebecameredwithblushes，andthentheyknewthatthelettermustbefromMajorGrantly。Graceherselfcouldnotreadit，thoughhereyerandownoverthetwopagescatchingawordhereandthere。Shehadlookedatthenameatonce，andhadseenthemannerofhissignature。’Mostaffectionatelyyourown’！Whatwasshetosaytohim？Twice，thrice，asshesatatthebreakfast—tablesheturnedthepageoftheletter，andateachturningshereadthesignature。Andshereadthebeginning，’DearestGrace’。Morethanthatshedidnotreallyreadtillshehadgottheletterawaywithherintotheseclusionofherownroom。
Notawordwassaidabouttheletteratbreakfast。PoorGracewentoneatingorpretendingtoeat，butcouldnotbringherselftoutteraword。MrsDaleandLilyspokeofvariousmatters，whichwerequiteindifferenttothem；butevenwiththemtheconversationwassodifficultthatGracefeltittobeforced，andwasconsciousthattheywerethinkingaboutherandherlover。Assoonasshecouldmakeanexcuseshelefttheroom，andhurryingupstairstooktheletterfromherpocketandreaditinearnest。
’ThatwasfromMajorGrantly，mamma，’saidLily。
’Idaresayitwas，mydear。’
’Andwhathadwebetterdo；orwhathadwebettersay？’
’Nothing——Ishouldsay。Lethimfighthisownbattle。Ifweinterfere，wemayprobablyonlymakehermorestubborninclingingtoheroldidea。’
’Ithinkshewillclingtoit。’
’Foratimeshewill，Idaresay。Anditwillbethebestthatsheshould。Hehimselfwillrespectherforitafterwards。’ThusitwasagreedbetweenthemthattheyshouldsaynothingtoGraceabouttheletterunlessGraceshouldfirstspeaktothem。
Gracereadherletteroverandoveragain。Itwasthefirstlove—lettershehadeverhad；——thefirstlettershehadeverreceivedfromanymanexceptherfatherandbrother——thefirst，almost，thathadeverbeenwrittentoherbyanyotherthanherownspecialfriends。Thewordsofitwereverystrangetoherear。Hehadtoldherwhenheleftherthathewouldwritetoher，andthereforeshehadlookedforwardtotheeventwhichhadnowcome；butshehadthoughtthatitwouldbemuchmoredistant——andshehadtriedtomakeherselfbelievethatwhenitdidcomeitwouldbeverydifferentfromthisletterwhichshenowpossessed。’Hewilltellmethathehasalteredhismind。Heoughttodoso。Itisnotproperthatheshouldstillthinkofmewhenweareinsuchdisgrace。’Butnowtheletterhadcome，andsheacknowledgedthetruthofhissayingthatwrittenwordswereclearerintheirexpressionthanthosesimplyspoken。’NotthatIcouldeverforgetasyllablethathesaid。’Yet，assheheldtheletterinherhandshefeltthatitwasapossession。Itwasathingatwhichshecouldlookincomingyears，whenheandshemightbefarapart——athingatwhichshecouldlookwithprideinrememberingthathehadthoughtherworthyofit。
Neitheronthatdaynoronthenextdidshethinkofheranswer，noronthethirdorfourthdaywithanysteadythinking。Sheknewthatananswerwouldhavetobewritten，andshefeltthatthesooneritwaswrittentheeasiermightbethewriting；butshefeltalsothatitshouldnotbewrittentooquickly。Aweekshouldfirstelapse，shethought，andthereforeaweekwasallowedtoelapse，andthenthedayforwritingheranswercame。ShehadspokennowordaboutiteithertoMrsDaleortoLily。Shehadlongedtodoso，buthadfeared。EventhoughsheshouldspeaktoLilyshecouldnotbeledbyLily’sadvice。
Herletter，whateveritmightbe，mustbeherownletter。Shewouldadmitofnodictation。Shemustsayherownsay，lethersayiteversobadly。Astothemannerofsayingit，Lily’saidwouldhavebeeninvaluable；butshefearedthatshecouldnotsecurethataidwithoutcompromisingherownpowerofaction——herownindividuality；andthereforeshesaidnowordaboutthelettereithertoLilyortoLily’smother。
Onacertainmorningshefixedherselfatherdesktowriteherletter。
Shehadknownthatthetaskwouldbedifficult，butshehadlittleknownhowdifficultitwouldbe。Onthatdayofherfirstattemptshedidnotgetitwrittenatall。Nowwasshetobegin？Hehadcalledher’DearestGrace’；andthismodeofbeginningseemedaseasyasitwassweet。’Itisveryeasyforagentleman，’shesaidtoherself，’becausehemaysayjustwhathepleases。’Shewrot...完整阅读请扫描二维码下载丁香书院APP免费看：