thatsheinvariablywentonwithherworkheedlessofhispresence,andineverythingtreatedhimasifshehadbeenhisequal。Shepersistedintalkingwithhiminahalfsisterlyfashionabouthisstudiesandhisfuturecareer,warnedhimwithgreatsolicitudeagainstsomeofhisreprobatefriends,ofwhosemerryadventureshehadtoldher;andifheventuredtocomplimentheronherbeautyorheraccomplishments,shewouldlookupgravelyfromhersewing,oranswerhiminawaywhichseemedtobanishtheideaoflove—makingintothelandoftheimpossible。Hewasconstantlytormentedbythesuspicionthatshesecretlydisapprovedofhim,andthatfromameremoralinterestinhiswelfareshewasconscientiouslylaboringtomakehimabetterman。Dayafterdayhepartedfromherfeelinghumiliated,faint—hearted,andsecretlyindignantbothathimselfandher,anddayafterdayhereturnedonlytorenewthesameexperience。Atlastitbecametoointolerable,hecouldendureitnolonger。Letitmakeorbreak,certainty,atallrisks,wasatleastpreferabletothissickeningsuspense。Thathelovedher,hecouldnolongerdoubt;lethisparentsfoamandfretasmuchastheypleased;
foroncehewasgoingtostandonhisownlegs。
Andintheend,hethought,theywouldhavetoyield,fortheyhadnosonbuthim。
Berthawasgoingtoreturntoherhomeonthesea—coastinaweek。Ralphstoodinthelittlelow—ceiledparlor,assheimagined,tobidhergood—bye。Theyhadbeenspeakingofherfather,herbrothers,andthefarm,andshehadexpressedthewishthatifheevershouldcometothatpartofthecountryhemightpaythemavisit。Herwordshadkindledavaguehopeinhisbreast,butintheirveryfranknessandfriendlyregardtherewassomethingwhichslewthehopetheyhadbegotten。Heheldherhandinhis,andherlargeconfidingeyesshonewithanemotionwhichwasbeautiful,butwasyetnotlove。
"Ifyouwerebutapeasantbornlikemyself,"
saidshe,inavoicewhichsoundedalmosttender,"thenIshouldliketotalktoyouasIwouldtomyownbrother;but——"
"No,notbrother,Bertha,"criedhe,withsuddenvehemence;"IloveyoubetterthanIeverlovedanyearthlybeing,andifyouknewhowfirmlythislovehasclutchedattherootsofmyheart,youwouldperhaps——youwouldatleastnotlooksoreproachfullyatme。"
Shedroppedhishand,andstoodforamomentsilent。
"Iamsorrythatitshouldhavecometothis,Mr。Grim,"saidshe,visiblystrugglingforcalmness。"AndIamperhapsmoretoblamethanyou。"
"Blame,"mutteredhe,"whyareyoutoblame?"
"BecauseIdonotloveyou;althoughIsometimesfearedthatthismightcome。ButthenagainIpersuadedmyselfthatitcouldnotbeso。"
Hetookasteptowardthedoor,laidhishandontheknob,andgazeddownbeforehim。
"Bertha,"beganhe,slowly,raisinghishead,"youhavealwaysdisapprovedofme,youhavedespisedmeinyourheart,butyouthoughtyouwouldbedoingagoodworkifyousucceededinmakingamanofme。"
"Youusestronglanguage,"answeredshe,hesitatingly;"butthereistruthinwhatyousay。"
Againtherewasalongpause,inwhichthetickingoftheoldparlorclockgrewlouderandlouder。
"Then,"hebrokeoutatlast,"tellmebeforewepartifIcandonothingtogain——Iwillnotsayyourlove——butonlyyourregard?Whatwouldyoudoifyouwereinmyplace?"
"Myadviceyouwillhardlyheed,andIdonotevenknowthatitwouldbewellifyoudid。
ButifIwereamaninyourposition,Ishouldbreakwithmywholepast,startoutintotheworldwherenobodyknewme,andwhereI
shouldbedependentonlyuponmyownstrength,andthereIwouldconqueraplaceformyself,ifitwereonlyforthesatisfactionofknowingthatIwasreallyaman。Herecushionsaresewedunderyourarms,ahundredinvisiblethreadsbindyoutoalifeofidlenessandvanity,everybodyisreadytocarryyouonhishands,theroadissmoothedforyou,everystonecarefullymovedoutofyourpath,andyouwillprobablygotoyourgravewithouthavingeverharboredoneearnestthought,withouthavingdoneonemanlydeed。"
Ralphstoodtransfixed,gazingatherwithopenmouth;hefeltakindofstupidfright,asifsomeonehadsuddenlyseizedhimbytheshouldersandshakenhimviolently。HetriedvainlytoremovehiseyesfromBertha。Sheheldhimasbyapowerfulspell。Hesawthatherfacewaslightedwithanaltogethernewbeauty;henoticedthedeepglowuponhercheek,thebrilliancyofhereye,theslightquiverofherlip。Buthesawallthisasoneseesthingsinahalf—trance,withoutattemptingtoaccountforthem;thedoorbetweenhissoulandhissenseswasclosed。
"IknowthatIhavebeenboldinspeakingtoyouinthisway,"shesaidatlast,seatingherselfinachairatthewindow。"Butitwasyourselfwhoaskedme。AndIhavefeltallthetimethatIshouldhavetotellyouthisbeforeweparted。"
"And,"answeredhe,makingastrongefforttoappearcalm,"ifIfollowyouradvice,willyouallowmetoseeyouoncemorebeforeyougo?"
"Ishallremainhereanotherweek,andshall,duringthattime,alwaysbereadytoreceiveyou。"
"Thankyou。Good—bye。"
"Good—bye。"
Ralphcarefullyavoidedallthefashionablethoroughfares;hefeltdegradedbeforehimself,andhehadanideathateverymancouldreadhishumiliationinhiscountenance。Nowhewalkedonquickly,strikingthesidewalkwithhisheels;now,again,hefellintoanuneasy,recklesssaunter,accordingasthechangingmoodsinspireddefianceofhissentence,oraqualifiedsurrender。And,ashewalkedon,thebitternessgrewwithinhim,andhepitilesslyreviledhimselfforhavingallowedhimselftobemadeafoolofby"thatlittlecountrygoose,"
whenhewaswellawarethattherewerehundredsofwomenofthebestfamiliesofthelandwhowouldfeelhonoredatreceivinghisattentions。
Butthissortofreasoningheknewtohebothweakandcontemptible,andhisbetterselfsoonroseinloudrebellion。
"Afterall,"hemuttered,"inthemainthingshewasright。Iamamiserablegood—for—
nothing,ahot—houseplant,apoorstick,andifI
wereawomanmyself,Idon’tthinkIshouldwastemyaffectionsonamanofthatcalibre。"
ThenheunconsciouslyfelltoanalyzingBertha’scharacter,wonderingvaguelythatapersonwhomovedsotimidlyinsociallife,appearingsodiffident,fromanever—presentfearofblunderingagainsttheestablishedformsofetiquette,couldjudgesoquickly,andwithsuchamercilesscertainty,wheneveramoralquestion,aquestionofrightandwrong,wasatissue。
And,pursuingthesametrainofthought,hecontrastedherwithhimself,whomovedinthehighestspheresofsocietyasinhisnativeelement,heedlessofmoralscruples,andconsciousofnoloftiermotiveforhisactionsthantheimmediatepleasureofthemoment。
AsRalphturnedthecornerofastreet,heheardhimselfhailedfromtheothersidewalkbyachorusofmerryvoices。
"Ah,mydearBaroness,"criedayoungman,springingacrossthestreetandgraspingRalph’shand(allhisstudentfriendscalledhimtheBaroness),"inthenameofthisillustriouscompany,allowmetosaluteyou。Butwhythedeuce——whatisthematterwithyou?IfyouhavetheKatzenjammer,[7]soda—wateristhething。Comealong,——it’smytreat!"
[7]Katzenjammeristhesensationamanhasthemorningafteracarousal。
ThestudentsinstantlythrongedaroundRalph,whostooddistractedlyswinginghiscaneandsmilingidiotically。
"Iamnotquitewell,"saidhe;"leavemealone。"
"No,tobesure,youdon’tlookwell,"criedajollyyouth,againstwhomBerthahadfrequentlywarnedhim;"butaglassofsherrywillsoonrestoreyou。Itwouldbehighlyimmoraltoleaveyouinthisconditionwithouttakingcareofyou。"
Ralphagainvainlytriedtoremonstrate;buttheendwas,thathereluctantlyfollowed。
Hehadalwaysbeenaconspicuousfigureinthestudentworld;butthatnightheastonishedhisfriendsbyhiseloquence,hisrecklesshumor,andhiscapacityfordrinking。Hemadeaspeechfor"Woman,"whichbristledwithwit,cynicism,andsarcasticepigrams。Oneyoungman,namedVinter,whowasengaged,undertooktoprotestagainsthissweepingcondemnation,anddeclaredthatRalph,whowasaUniversalfavoriteamongtheladies,oughttobethelasttorevilethem。
"If,"hewenton,"theBaronessshouldproposetosixwell—knownladieshereinthiscitywhomIcouldmention,IwouldwagersixJohannisbergers,andanequalamountofchampagne,thateveryoneofthemwouldaccepthim。"
Theothersloudlyapplaudedthisproposal,andRalphacceptedthewager。Theletterswerewrittenonthespot,andimmediatelydispatched。
Towardmorning,themerrycarousalbrokeup,andRalphwasconductedintriumphtohishome。
III。
Twodayslater,RalphagainknockedonBertha’sdoor。Helookedpalerthanusual,almosthaggard;hisimmaculatelinenwasalittlecrumpled,andhecarriednocane;hislipsweretightlycompressed,andhisfaceworeanairofdesperateresolution。
"Itisdone,"hesaid,asheseatedhimselfoppositeher。"Iamgoing。"
"Going!"criedshe,startledathisunusualappearance。"How,where?"
"ToAmerica。Isailto—night。Ihavefollowedyouradvice,yousee。Ihavecutoffthelastbridgebehindme。"
"But,Ralph,"sheexclaimed,inavoiceofalarm。"Somethingdreadfulmusthavehappened。
Tellmequick;Imustknowit。"
"No;nothingdreadful,"mutteredhe,smilingbitterly。"Ihavemadealittlescandal,thatisall。Myfathertoldmeto—daytogotothedevil,ifIchose,andmymothergavemefivehundreddollarstohelpmealongontheway。
Ifyouwishtoknow,hereistheexplanation。"
Andhepulledfromhispocketsixperfumedandcarefullyfoldednotes,andthrewthemintoherlap。
"Doyouwishmetoreadthem?"sheasked,withgrowingsurprise。
"Certainly。Whynot?"
Shehastilyopenedonenoteaftertheother,andread。
"But,Ralph,"shecried,springingupfromherseat,whilehereyesflamedwithindignation,"whatdoesthismean?Whathaveyoudone?"
"Ididn’tthinkitneededanyexplanation,"
repliedhe,withfeignedindifference。"I
proposedtothemall,and,yousee,theyallacceptedme。Ireceivedalltheselettersto—day。
IonlywishedtoknowwhetherthewholeworldregardedmeassuchaworthlessscampasyoutoldmeIwas。"
Shedidnotanswer,butsatmutelystaringathim,fiercelycrumplingarose—colorednoteinherhand。Hebegantofeeluncomfortableunderhergaze,andthrewhimselfaboutuneasilyinhischair。
"Well,"saidhe,atlength,rising,"Isupposethereisnothingmore。Good—bye。"
"Onemoment,Mr。Grim,"demandedshe,sternly。"SinceIhavealreadysaidsomuch,andyouhaveobliginglyrevealedtomeanewsideofyourcharacter,IclaimtherighttocorrecttheopinionIexpressedofyouatourlastmeeting。"
"Iamallattention。"
"Ididthink,Mr。Grim,"beganshe,breathinghard,andsteadyingherselfagainstthetableatwhichshestood,"thatyouwereaveryselfishman——anembodimentofselfishness,absoluteandsupreme,butIdidnotbelievethatyouwerewicked。"
"AndwhatconvincedyouthatIwasselfish,ifImayask?"
"Whatconvincedme?"repeatedshe,inatoneofinexpressiblecontempt。"Whendidyoueveractfromanygenerousregardforothers?Whatgooddidyoueverdotoanybody?"
"Youmightask,withequaljustice,whatgoodIeverdidtomyself。"
"Inacertainsense,yes;becausetogratifyameremomentarywishishardlydoingone’sselfgood。"
"ThenIhave,atallevents,followedtheBiblicalprecept,andtreatedmyneighborverymuchasItreatmyself。"
"Ididthink,"continuedBertha,withoutheedingtheremark,"thatyouwereatbottomkind—hearted,buttoohopelesslywell—bredevertocommitanactofanydecidedcomplexion,eithergoodorbad。NowIseethatIhavemisjudgedyou,andthatyouarecapableofoutragingthemostsacredfeelingsofawoman’sheartinmerewantonness,orforthesakeofsatisfyingabasecuriosity,whichnevercouldhaveenteredthemindofanuprightandgenerousman。"
Thehard,benumbedlookinRalph’sfacethawedinthewarmthofherpresence,andherwords,thoughstern,touchedasecretspringinhisheart。Hemadetwoorthreevainattemptstospeak,thensuddenlybrokedown,andcried:
"Bertha,Bertha,evenifyouscornme,havepatiencewithme,andlisten。"
Andhetoldher,inrapid,brokensentences,howhisloveforherhadgrownfromdaytoday,untilhecouldnolongermasterit;andhow,inanunguardedmoment,whenhisprideroseinfierceconflictagainsthislove,hehaddonethisrecklessdeedofwhichhewasnowheartilyashamed。Thefervorofhiswordstouchedher,forshefeltthattheyweresincere。
Largemutetearstrembledinhereyelashesasshesatgazingtenderlyathim,andinthedepthofhersoulthewishawokethatshemighthavebeenabletoreturnthisgreatandstrongloveofhis;forshefeltthatinthislovelaythegermofanew,ofastrongerandbetterman。Shenoticed,withahalf—regretfulpleasure,hishandsomefigure,hisdelicatelyshapedhands,andthenoblecastofhisfeatures;anoverwhelmingpityforhimrosewithinher,andshebegantoreproachherselfforhavingspokensoharshly,and,asshenowthought,sounjustly。Perhapshereadinhereyestheunspokenwish。Heseizedherhand,andhiswordsfellwithawarmandalluringcadenceuponherear。
"Ishallnotseeyouforalongtimetocome,Bertha,"saidhe,"butif,attheendoffiveorsixyearsyourhandisstillfree,andIreturnanotherman——amantowhomyoucouldsafelyintrustyourhappiness——wouldyouthenlistentowhatImayhavetosaytoyou?ForIpromise,byallthatwebothholdsacred——"
"No,no,"interruptedshe,hastily。"Promisenothing。Itwouldbeunjustto——yourself,andperhapsalsotome;forasacredpromiseisaterriblething,Ralph。Letusbothremainfree;
and,ifyoureturnandstillloveme,thencome,andIshallreceiveyouandlistentoyou。Andevenifyouhaveoutgrownyourlove,whichis,indeed,moreprobable,comestilltovisitmewhereverImaybe,andweshallmeetasfriendsandrejoiceinthemeeting。"
"Youknowbest,"hemurmured。"Letitbeasyouhavesaid。"
Hearose,tookherfacebetweenhishands,gazedlongandtenderlyintohereyes,pressedakissuponherforehead,andhastenedaway。
ThatnightRalphboardedthesteamerforHull,andthreeweekslaterlandedinNewYork。
IV。
ThefirstthreemonthsofRalph’ssojourninAmericawerespentinvainattemptstoobtainasituation。DayafterdayhewalkeddownBroadway,callingatvariousplacesofbusinessandnightafternighthereturnedtohischeer—
lessroomwithafaintheartanddecliningspirits。
Itwas,afterall,amoreseriousthingthanhehadimagined,tocutthecablewhichbindsonetothelandofone’sbirth。Thereahundredsubtileinfluences,theexistenceofwhichnoonesuspectsuntilthemomenttheyarewithdrawn,unitetokeeponeinthestraightpathofrectitude,oratleastofexternalrespectability;andRalph’slifehadbeenallinsociety;theopinionofhisfellow—menhadbeentheoneforcetowhichheimplicitlydeferred,andtheconsciencebywhichhehadbeenwonttotesthisactionshadbeennothingbuttheaggregatejudgmentofhisfriends。Tosuchamantheisolationandtheutterirresponsibilityofalifeamongstrangerswastenfoldmoredangerous;andRalphfound,tohishorror,thathischaractercontainedinnumerablelatentpossibilitieswhichtheeasy—
goinglifeinhishomeprobablyneverwouldhaverevealedtohim。Itoftencuthimtothequick,when,onenteringanofficeinhisdailysearchforemployment,hewasmetbyhostileorsuspiciousglances,orwhen,asitoccasionallyhappened,thedoorwasslammedinhisface,asifhewereavagabondoranimpostor。Thenthewolfwasoftenrousedwithinhim,andhefeltamomentarywilddesiretobecomewhatthepeoplehereevidentlybelievedhimtobe。
Manyanighthesaunteredirresolutelyaboutthegamblingplacesinobscurestreets,andtheglareoflight,therudeshoutsandclamorsinthesamemomentrepelledandattractedhim。
Ifhewenttothedevil,whowouldcare?Hisfatherhadhimselfpointedoutthewaytohim;
andnobodycouldblamehimifhefollowedtheadvice。Butthenagainamemoryemergedfromthatchamberofhissoulwhichstillheheldsacred;andBertha’sdeep—blueeyesgazeduponhimwiththeirearnestlookoftenderwarningandregret。
Whenthesummerwashalfgone,Ralphhadgainedmanyahardvictoryoverhimself,andlearnedmanyausefullesson;andatlengthheswallowedhispride,divestedhimselfofhisfineclothes,andacceptedapositionasassistantgardeneratavillaontheHudson。Andashestoodperspiringwithaspadeinhishand,andacheapbroad—brimmedstrawhatonhishead,heoftentookagrimpleasureinpicturingtohimselfhowhisaristocraticfriendsathomewouldreceivehim,ifheshouldintroducehimselftotheminthisnewcostume。
"Afterall,itwasonlymypositiontheycaredfor,"hereflected,bitterly;"withoutmyfather’snamewhatwouldIbetothem?"
Then,again,therewasacertainsatisfactioninknowingthat,forhispresentsituation,humbleasitwas,hewasindebtedtonobodybuthimself;andthethoughtthatBertha’seyes,iftheycouldhaveseenhimnowwouldhavedweltuponhimwithpleasureandapprobation,wentfartoconsolehimforhisachingback,hissunburnedface,andhisswollenandblisteredhands。
Oneday,asRalphwasrakingthegravel—
walksinthegarden,hisemployer’sdaughter,ayoungladyofseventeen,cameoutandspoketohim。Hiscultureandrefinementofmannerstruckherwithwonder,andsheaskedhimtotellherhishistory;butthenhesuddenlygrewverygrave,andsheforborepressinghim。Fromthattimesheattachedakindofromanticinteresttohim,andfinallyinducedherfathertoobtainhimasituationthatwouldbemoretohistaste。And,beforewintercame,Ralphsawthedawnofanewfutureglimmeringbeforehim。
Hehadwrestledbravelywithfate,andhadoncemoregainedavictory。Hebeganthecareerinwhichsuccessanddistinctionawaitedhim,asproof—readeronanewspaperinthecity。
HehadfortunatelybeenfamiliarwiththeEnglishlanguagebeforehelefthome,andbythestrengthofhiswillheconqueredalldifficulties。
Attheendoftwoyearshebecameattachedtotheeditorialstaff;newambitioushopes,hithertoforeigntohismind,awokewithinhim;
andwithjoyoustumultofhearthesawlifeopeningitswidevistasbeforehim,andhelaboredonmanfullytorepairthelossesofthepast,andtopreparehimselfforgreaterusefulnessintimestocome。Hefeltinhimselfastrongerandfullermanhood,asifthegreatarteriesofthevastuniversalworld—lifepulsedinhisownbeing。Thedrowsy,indolentexistenceathomeappearedlikeadullremotedreamfromwhichhehadawaked,andheblessedthedestinywhich,byitsverysternness,hadmercifullysavedhim;heblessedher,too,who,fromtheverywantofloveforhim,had,perhaps,madehimworthieroflove。
Theyearsflewrapidly。Societyhadflungitsdoorsopentohim,andwhatwasmore,hehadfoundsomewarmfriends,inwhosehouseshecouldcomeandgoatpleasure。Heenjoyedkeenlytheprivilegeofdailyassociationwithhigh—mindedandrefinedwomen;theireageractivityofintellectstimulatedhim,theirexquisiteetherealgraceandtheirdelicatelychiseledbeautysatisfiedhisaestheticcravings,andtheresponsivevivacityoftheirnaturepreparedhimevernewsurprises。Hefeltastrangefascinationinthepresenceofthesewomen,andtheconvictiongrewuponhimthattheirtypeofwomanhoodwassuperiortoanyhehadhithertoknown。Andbywayofrefutinghisownargument,hewoulddrawfromhispocket—bookthephotographofBertha,whichhadasecretcompartmenttherealltoitself,and,gazingtenderlyatit,wouldeagerlydefendheragainstthedisparagingreflectionswhichtheinvoluntarycomparisonhadprovoked。Andstill,howcouldhehelpseeingthatherfeatures,thoughwellmolded,lackedanimation;thathereye,withitsdeep,trustfulglance,wasnotbrilliant,andthatthecalmearnestnessofherface,whencomparedwiththebright,intellectualbeautyofhispresentfriends,appearedpaleandsimple,likeavioletinabouquetofvividlycoloredroses?
Itgavehimaquickpang,when,attimes,hewasforcedtoadmitthis;nevertheless,itwasthetruth。
AftersixyearsofresidenceinAmerica,Ralphhadgainedaveryhighreputationasajournalistofrarecultureandability,and,in1867hewassenttotheWorld’sExhibitioninParis,ascorrespondentofthepaperonwhichhehadduringalltheseyearsbeenemployed。
Whatwonder,then,thathestartedforEuropeafewweeksbeforehispresencewasneededintheimperialcity,andthathesteeredhiscoursedirectlytowardthefjordvalleywhereBerthahadherhome?ItwasshewhohadbiddenhimGodspeedwhenhefledfromthelandofhisbirth,andshe,too,shouldreceivehisfirstgreetingonhisreturn。
V。
Thesunhadfortifieditselfbehindacitadelofflamingclouds,andtheupperforestregionshonewithastrangeetherealglow,whilethelowerplainswerewrappedinshadow;buttheshadowitselfhadastrongsuffusionofcolor。
Themountainpeaksrosecoldandblueinthedistance。
Ralph,havinginquiredhiswayoftheboatmanwhohadlandedhimatthepier,walkedrapidlyalongthebeach,withasmallvaliseinhishand,andalightsummerovercoatflungoverhisshoulder。Manyhalf—thoughtsgrazedhismind,anderethefirsthadtakenshape,thesecond,andthethirdcameandchaseditaway。
AndstilltheyallinsomefashionhadreferencetoBertha;forinamisty,abstractway,shefilledhiswholemind;butforsomeindefinablereason,hewasafraidtogivefreereintothesentimentwhichlurkedintheremotercornersofhissoul。
Onwardhehastened,whilehisheartthrobbedwiththequickeningtempoofmingledexpectationandfear。Nowandthenoneofthosechillgustsofairwhichseemtobecareeringaboutaimlesslyintheatmosphereduringearlysummer,wouldstrikeintohisface,andrecallhimtoakeenerself—consciousness。
Ralphconcluded,fromhisincreasingagitation,thathemustbeverynearBertha’shome。
Hestoppedandlookedaroundhim。Hesawalargemapleattheroadside,somethirtystepsfromwherehewasstanding,andthegirlwhowassittingunderit,restingherheadinherhandandgazingoutoverthesea,herecognizedinaninstanttobeBertha。Hesprangupontheroad,notcrossing,however,herlineofvision,andapproachedhernoiselesslyfrombehind。
"Bertha,"hewhispered。
Shegavealittlejoyouscry,sprangup,andmadeagestureasiftothrowherselfinhisarms;
thensuddenlycheckedherself,blushedcrimson,andmovedastepbackward。
"Youcamesosuddenly,"shemurmured。
"But,Bertha,"criedhe(andthefullbassofhisvoicerangthroughherverysoul),"haveI
goneintoexileandwaitedthesemanyyearsforsocoldawelcome?"
"Youhavechangedsomuch,Ralph,"sheanswered,withthatoldgravesmilewhichheknewsowell,andstretchedoutbothherhandstowardhim。"AndIhavethoughtofyousomuchsinceyouwentaway,andblamedmyselfbecauseIhadjudgedyousoharshly,andwonderedthatyoucouldlistentomesopatiently,andneverbearmeanymaliceforwhatIsaid。"
"Ifyouhadsaidawordless,"declaredRalph,seatinghimselfathersideonthegreensward,"orifyouhadvarnisheditoverwithpoliteness,thenyouwouldprobablyhavefailedtoproduceanyeffectandIshouldnothavebeenburdenedwiththatheavydebtofgratitudewhichInowoweyou。Iwasaprettythick—skinnedanimalinthosedays,Bertha。Yousaidtherightwordattherightmoment;yougavemeaholdandagoodpieceofadvice,whichmyowningenuitywouldneverhavesuggestedtome。Iwillnotthankyou,because,insograveacaseasthis,spokenthankssoundlikeameremockery。WhateverIam,Bertha,andwhateverImayhopetobe,Ioweitalltothathour。"
Shelistenedwithrapturetothemanlyassuranceofhisvoice;hereyesdweltwithunspeakablejoyuponhisstrong,bronzedfeatures,hisfullthickblondebeard,andthevigorousproportionsofhisframe。Manyandmanyatimeduringhisabsencehadshewonderedhowhewouldlookifheevercameback,andwiththatminuteconscientiousnesswhich,asitwere,pervadedherwholecharacter,shehadheldherselfresponsiblebeforeGodforhisfate,prayedforhim,andtrembledlestevilpowersshouldgaintheascendencyoverhissoul。
Ontheirwaytothehousetheytalkedtogetherofmanythings,butinaguarded,cautiousfashion,andwithoutthecheerfulabandonmentofformeryears。Theyboth,asitwere,gropedtheirwaycarefullyineachother’sminds,andeachvaguelyfeltthattherewassomethingintheother’sthoughtwhichitwasnotwelltotouchunbidden。Berthasawthatallherfearsforhimhadbeengroundless,andhisveryappearanceliftedthewholeweightofresponsibilityfromherbreast;andstill,didsherejoiceatherdeliverancefromherburden?Ah,no,inthismomentsheknewthatthatwhichshehadfoolishlycherishedasthebestandnoblestpartofherself,hadbeenbutaselfishneedofherownheart。Shefearedthatshehadonlytakenthatinterestinhimwhichonefeelsinathingofone’sownmaking;andnow,whenshesawthathehadrisenquiteaboveher;thathewasfreeandstrong,andcouldhavenomoreneedofher,shehad,insteadofgenerouspleasureathissuccess,butapainfulsenseofemptiness,asifsomethingverydearhadbeentakenfromher。
Ralph,too,wasloathtoanalyzetheimpressionhisoldlovemadeuponhim。Hisfeelingswereofsocomplexanature,hewasanxioustokeephismoremagnanimousimpulsesactive,andhestrovehardtoconvincehimselfthatshewasstillthesametohimasshehadbeenbeforetheyhadeverparted。But,alas!thoughtheheartbewarmandgenerous,theeyeisamercilesscritic。Andthemanwhohadmovedonthewidearenaoftheworld,whosemindhadhousedthelargethoughtsofthiscentury,andexpandedwithitsinvigoratingbreath,——washetoblamebecausehehadunconsciouslyoutgrownhisoldprovincialself,andcouldnomorejudgebyitsstandards?
Bertha’sfatherwasapeasant,buthehad,byhislumbertrade,acquiredwhatinNorwaywascalledaveryhandsomefortune。Hereceivedhisguestwithdignifiedreserve,andRalphthoughthedetectedinhiseyesalurkinglookofdistrust。"Iknowyourerrand,"thatlookseemedtosay,"butyouhadbettergiveitupatonce。Itwillbeofnouseforyoutotry。"
Andaftersupper,asRalphandBerthasattalkingconfidinglywitheachotheratthewindow,hesenthisdaughteraquick,sharpglance,andthen,withoutceremony,commandedhertogotobed。Ralph’sheartgaveagreatthumpwithinhim;notbecausehefearedtheoldman,butbecausehiswords,aswellashisglances,revealedtohimthesadhistoryoftheselong,patientyears。Hedoubtednolongerthatthelovewhichhehadoncesoardentlydesiredwashisatlast;andhemadeasilentvowthat,comewhatmight,hewouldremainfaithful。
Ashecamedowntobreakfastthenextmorning,hefoundBerthasittingatthewindow,engagedinhemmingwhatappearedtobearoughkitchentowel。Shebenteagerlyoverherwork,andonlyavividflushuponhercheektoldhimthatshehadnoticedhiscoming。Hetookachair,seatedhimselfoppositeher,andbadeher"good—morning。"Sheraisedherhead,andshowedhimasweet,troubledcountenance,whichtheearlysunlightilluminedwithahighspiritualbeauty。Itremindedhimforciblyofthosepale,sweet—facedsaintsofFraAngelico,withwhomthefrailfleshseemseveronthepointofyieldingtotheardentaspirationsofthespirit。Andstill,eveninthismomenthecouldnotpreventhiseyesfromobservingthatonesideofherforefingerwasroughfromsewing,andthatthewhitenessofherarm,whichtheloosesleevesdisplayed,contrastedstronglywiththebrownedandsun—burnedcomplexionofherhands。
Afterbreakfasttheyagainwalkedtogetheronthebeach,andRalph,havingonceformedhisresolution,nowtalkedfreelyoftheNewWorld——ofhissphereofactivitythere;ofhisfriendsandofhisplansforthefuture;andshelistenedtohimwithamild,perplexedlookinhereyes,asiftryingvainlytofollowtheflightofhisthoughts。Andhewondered,withsecretdismay,whethershewasstillthesamestrong,brave—heartedgirlwhomhehadonceaccountedalmostbold;whetherthelifeinthisnarrowvalley,amidahundredpettyanddepressingcares,hadnotcrampedherspiritualgrowth,andnarrowedthesphereofherthought。Orwasshestillthesame,andwasitonlyhewhohadchanged?Atlasthegaveutterancetohiswonder,andsheansweredhiminthosegrave,earnesttoneswhichseemedinthemselvestobehalfarefutationofhisdoubts。
"Itwaseasyformetogiveyoudaringadvice,then,Ralph,"shesaid。"Likemostschool—
girls,Ithoughtthatlifewasagreatandgloriousthing,andthathappinesswasafruitwhichhungwithinreachofeveryhand。NowIhavelivedforsixyearstryingsingle—handedtorelievethewantandsufferingoftheneedypeoplewithwhomIcomeincontact,andtheirsqualorandwretchednesshavesickenedme,and,whatisstillworse,IfeelthatallIcandoisasadropintheocean,andafterall,amountstonothing。
IknowIamnolongerthesamerecklessgirl,who,withtheverybestintention,sentyouwanderingthroughthewideworld;andIthankGodthatitprovedtobeforyourgood,althoughthewholenowappearsquiteincredibletome。Mythoughtshavemovedsolongwithinthenarrowcircleofthesemountainsthattheyhavelosttheiryouthfulelasticity,andcannomoreriseabovethem。"
Ralphdetected,inthemidstofherdespondency,asparkofherformerfire,andgreweloquentinhisendeavorstopersuadeherthatshewasunjusttoherself,andthattherewasbutawidersphereoflifeneededtodevelopallthelatentpowersofherrichnature。
Atthedinner—table,herfatheragainsateyeinghisguestwiththatsamecoldlookofdistrustandsuspicion。Andwhenthemealwasatanend,heroseabruptlyandcalledhisdaughterintoanotherroom。PresentlyRalphheardhisangryvoiceresoundingthroughthehouse,interruptednowandthenbyawoman’ssobs,andasubdued,passionatepleading。WhenBerthaagainenteredtheroom,hereyeswereveryred,andhesawthatshehadbeenweeping。
Shethrewashawloverhershoulders,beckonedtohimwithherhand,andhearoseandfollowedher。Sheledthewaysilentlyuntiltheyreachedathickcopseofbirchandaldernearthestrand。Shedroppeddownuponabenchbetweentwotrees,andhetookhisseatatherside。
"Ralph,"beganshe,withavisibleeffort,"I
hardlyknowwhattosaytoyou;butthereissomethingwhichImusttellyou——myfatherwishesyoutoleaveusatonce。"
"AndYOU,Bertha?"
"Well——yes——Iwishittoo。"
Shesawthepainfulshockwhichherwordsgavehim,andshestrovehardtospeak。Herlipstrembled,hereyesbecamesuffusedwithtears,whichgrewandgrew,butneverfell;shecouldnotutteraword。
"Well,Bertha,"answeredhe,withalittlequiverinhisvoice,"ifyou,too,wishmetogo,Ishallnottarry。Good—bye。"
Herosequickly,and,withavertedface,heldouthishandtoher;butasshemadenomotiontograspthehand,hebegandistractedlytobuttonhiscoat,andmovedslowlyaway。
"Ralph。"
Heturnedsharply,and,beforeheknewit,shelaysobbinguponhisbreast。
"Ralph,"shemurmured,whilethetearsalmostchokedherwords,"Icouldnothaveyouleavemethus。Itishardenough——itishardenough——"
"Whatishard,beloved?"
Sheraisedherheadabruptly,andturneduponhimagazefullofhopeanddoubt,andsweetperplexity。
"Ah,no,youdonotloveme,"shewhispered,sadly。
"WhyshouldIcometoseekyou,afterthesemanyyears,dearest,ifIdidnotwishtomakeyoumywifebeforeGodandmen?WhyshouldI——"
"Ah,yes,Iknow,"sheinterruptedhimwithafreshfitofweeping,"youaretoogoodandhonesttowishtothrowmeaway,nowwhenyouhaveseenhowmysoulhashungeredforthesightofyouthesemanyyears,howevennowIclingtoyouwithadespairingclutch。
Butyoucannotdisguiseyourself,Ralph,andI
sawfromthefirstmomentthatyoulovedmenomore。"
"Donotbesuchanunreasonablechild,"heremonstrated,feebly。"Idonotloveyouwiththewild,irrationalpassionofformeryears;
butIhavethetenderestregardforyou,andmyheartwarmsatthesightofyoursweetface,andIshalldoallinmypowertomakeyouashappyasanymancanmakeyouwho——"
"Whodoesnotloveme,"shefinished。
Asuddenshudderseemedtoshakeherwholeframe,andshedrewherselfmoretightlyuptohim。
"Ah,no,"shecontinued,afterawhile,sinkingbackuponherseat。"Itisahopelessthingtocompelareluctantheart。Iwillacceptnosacrificefromyou。Youowemenothing,foryouhaveactedtowardmehonestlyanduprightly,andIshallbeastronger,or——atleast——
abetterwomanforwhatyougaveme——and——
forwhatyoucouldnotgiveme,eventhoughyouwould。"
"But,Bertha,"exclaimedhe,lookingmournfullyather,"itisnottruewhenyousaythatI
oweyounothing。Sixyearsago,whenfirstI
wooedyou,youcouldnotreturnmylove,andyousentmeoutintotheworld,andevenrefusedtoacceptanypledgeorpromiseforthefuture。"
"Andyoureturned,"sheresponded,"aman,suchasmyhopehadpicturedyou;but,whileI
hadalmostbeenstandingstill,youhadoutgrownme,andoutgrownyouroldself,and,withyouroldself,outgrownitsloveforme,foryourlovewasnotofyournewself,butoftheold。Alas!itisasadtale,butitistrue。"
Shespokegravelynow,andwithasteadiervoice,buthereyeshunguponhisfacewithaneagerlookofexpectation,asifyearningtodetecttheresomegleamofhope,somecontradictionofthedismaltruth。Hereadthatlookaright,anditpiercedhimlikeasharpsword。
Hemadeabraveefforttorespondtoitsappeal,buthisfeaturesseemedhardasstone,andhecouldonlycryoutagainsthisdestiny,andbewailhismisfortuneandhers。
Towardevening,Ralphwassittinginanopenboat,listeningtothemeasuredoar—strokesoftheboatmenwhowererowinghimouttotheneareststopping—placeofthesteamer。Themountainsliftedtheirgreatplacidheadsupamongthesun—bathedclouds,andthefjordopeneditscooldepthsasiftomakeroomfortheirvastreflections。Ralphfeltasifhewerefloatinginthemidstoftheblueinfinitespace,and,withthestrengthwhichthisfeelinginspired,hetriedtofaceboldlythethoughtfromwhichhehadbutamomentagoshrunkasfromsomethinghopelesslysadandperplexing。
AndinthathourhelookedfearlesslyintothegulfwhichseparatestheNewWorldfromtheOld。Hehadhopedtobridgeit;but,alas!itcannotbebridged。
ASCIENTIFICVAGABOND。
I。
THEsteamerwhichasfarbackas1860
passedeveryweekonitsnorthwardwayupalongthecoastofNorway,wasofaverysociableturnofmind。Itranwithmuchshriekingandneedlessblusterinandoutthecalm,windingfjords,paidunceremoniouslittlevisitsineveryout—of—the—waynookandbay,droppednowandthenablackheapofcoalintotheshiningwater,andsentthickvolleysofsmokeandshrilllittleechoescareeringaimlesslyamongthemountains。Itseemed,onthewhole,fromanaestheticpointofview,anobjectionablephenomenon——ablotupontheperfectsummerday。Bytheinhabitants,however,oftheseremoteregions(withtheexceptionofafewobstinateindividuals,whohadatfirstlookeduponitasthesureheraldofdooms—
day,andstillwerevaguelywonderingwhattheworldwascomingto,)itwasregardedinaverydifferentlight。Thischolericlittlemonsterwastothemafriendlyandwelcomevisitor,whichestablishedtheirconnectionwiththeoutsideworld,andgavethemaproudconsciousnessoflivingintheveryheartofcivilization。
Therefore,onsteamboatdaystheyflockedenmassedownonthepiers,and,withanever—freshsenseofnovelty,greetedtheapproachingboatwithlivelycheers,withfiringofmusketsandwavingofhandkerchiefs。Themenofcondition,asthejudge,thesheriff,andtheparson,whosedignityforbadethemtoreceivethesteamerinperson,contentedthemselveswithwatchingitthroughanopera—glassfromtheirbalconies;andifahighofficialwasknowntobeonboard,theyperhapsdisplayedthenationalbannerfromtheirflag—poles,asadelicatecomplimenttotheirsuperior。
ButtheRev。Mr。Oddson,theparsonofwhomIhavetospeak,hadthisdayyieldedtothegentleurgingsofhisdaughters(as,indeed,healwaysdid),andhadwiththemboardedthesteamertoreceivehisnephew,ArnfinnVording,whowasreturningfromtheuniversityforhissummervacation。Andnowtheyhadhimbetweenthemintheirprettywhite—paintedpar—
sonageboat,withthebluelinealongthegunwale,beleagueringhimwitheagerquestionsaboutfriendsandrelativesinthecapital,chums,universitysports,andamedleyofotherthingsinterestingtoyoungladieswhohaveacollegianforacousin。Hisunclewascharitableenoughtocheckhisowncuriosityaboutthenephew’sprogressintheartsandsciences,andtheresultofhisrecentexaminations,tillheshouldhavebecomefairlysettledunderhisroof;andArnfinn,who,inspiteofhisnaturalbrightnessandreadyhumor,wasanythingbuta"dig,"wasgratefulfortherespite。
Theparsonagelaysnuglynestledattheendofthebay,shiningcontentedlythroughthegreenfoliagefromamultitudeofsmallsun—
smittenwindows。Itspinkishwhitewash,whichwaspeelingofffromlongexposuretotheweather,wasincheerfulcontrasttothebroadblacksurfaceoftheroof,withitsglazedtiles,andthestarlings’nestsunderthechimney—tops。
Thethick—leavedmaplesandwalnut—treeswhichgrewinrandomclustersaboutthewallsseemedloftilyconsciousofstandingthereforpurposesofprotection;for,wherevertheirlong—fingeredbrancheshappenedtograzetheroof,itwasalwayswithatouch,light,graceful,andairilycaressing。Theirregularlypavedyardwasinclosedontwosidesbythemainbuilding,andonthethirdbyaspeciesoflogcabin,which,inNorway,iscalledabrew—house;buttowardthewesttheviewwasbutslightlyobscuredbyanelevatedpigeoncotandaclumpofbirches,throughwhosesparseleavesthefjordbeneathsentitsrapidjetsandgleamsoflight,anditsstrangesuggestionsofdistance,peaceandunaccountablegladness。
ArnfinnVording’scareerhadpresentedthatsubtlecombinationoffarceandtragedywhichmosthumanlivesareapttobe;andifthetragicelementhadduringhisearlyyearsbeenpreponderating,hewashardlyhimselfawareofit;forhehadbeentooyoungatthedeathofhisparentstofeelthatkeennessofgriefwhichthesameprivationwouldhavegivenhimatalaterperiodofhislife。Itmighthavebeenhumiliatingtoconfessit,butitwasneverthelesstruethattheterrorhehadoncesustainedonbeingpursuedbyafuriousbullwasmuchmorevividinhismemorythanthevaguewonderanddepressionwhichhadfilledhismindatseeinghismothersosuddenlystrickenwithage,asshelaymotionlessinherwhiterobesinthefrontparlor。
Sincethenhisuncle,whowashisguardianandnearestrelative,hadtakenhimintohisfamily,hadinstructedhimwithhisowndaughters,andfinallysenthimtotheUniversity,leavingthelittlefortunewhichhehadinheritedtoaccumulateforfutureuse。ArnfinnhadapainfullydistinctrecollectionofhisearlyhardshipsintryingtoacquirethatsoftpronunciationoftherwhichispeculiartothewesternfjorddistrictsofNorway,andwhichheadmiredsomuchinhiscousins;forthemerry—eyedInga,whowaslessscrupulousbyagooddealthanheroldersister,Augusta,hadfromthebeginningpersistedininterpretingtheirrelationofcousinshipasanunboundedprivilegeonherparttoridiculehimforhispersonalpeculiarities,andespeciallyforhisharshrandhisbroadeasternaccent。Herridiculewasalwaysverygood—natured,tobesure,butthereforenolessannoying。
But——suchistheperversenessofhumannature——
inspiteofaseriesofapparentrebuffs,interruptednowandthenbyfitsofviolentattachment,Arnfinnhadearlyselectedthisdimpledandyellow—hairedyounggirl,withherpiquantlittlenose,forhisfavoritecousin。Itwastheprospectofseeingherwhich,aboveallelse,hadlent,inanticipation,analtogethernewradiancetothedaywhenheshouldpresenthim—
selfinhishomewiththelong—tasseledstudentcaponhishead,theunnecessary"pinchers"onhisnose,andwiththeothertraditionalparaphernaliaoftheNorwegianstudent。Thatgreatdayhadnowcome;ArnfinnsatatInga’ssideplayingwithherwhitefingers,whichlayrestingonhisknee,andcoveringthedepthofhisfeelingwithharmlessbanterabouther"amusinglyunclassicallittlenose。"Hehadoncedetectedher,whenachild,standingbeforeamirror,andpinchingthisunhappyfeatureinthemiddle,inthehopeofmakingit"likeAugusta’s;"andsincethenhehadnolongerfeltsoutterlydefenselesswheneverhisownfoibleswereattacked。