Contents：
　　AreWeAsInterestingAsWeThinkWeAre？
　　ShouldWomenBeBeautiful？
　　WhenIsTheBestTimeToBeMerry？
　　DoWeLieA—BedTooLate？
　　ShouldMarriedMenPlayGolf？
　　AreEarlyMarriagesAMistake？
　　DoWritersWriteTooMuch？
　　ShouldSoldiersBePolite？
　　OughtStoriesToBeTrue？
　　CreaturesThatOneDayShallBeMenHowToBeHappyThoughLittleShouldWeSayWhatWeThink，OrThinkWhatWeSay？
　　IsTheAmericanHusbandMadeEntirelyOfStainedGlassDoesTheYoungManKnowEverythingWorthKnowing？
　　HowManyCharmsHathMusic，WouldYouSay？
　　Thewhiteman’sburden！Needitbesoheavy？
　　WhyDidn’tHeMarryTheGirl？
　　WhatMrs。WilkinsthoughtaboutitShallWeBeRuinedByChineseCheapLabour？
　　HowToSolveTheServantProblemWhyWeHateTheForeignerAREWEASINTERESTINGASWETHINKWEARE？
　　"Charmed。Veryhotweatherwe’vebeenhavingoflate——Imeancold。
　　Letmesee，Ididnotquitecatchyournamejustnow。Thankyousomuch。Yes，itisabitclose。"Andasilencefalls，neitherofusbeingabletothinkwhatnexttosay。
　　Whathashappenedisthis：Myhosthasmetmeinthedoorway，andshakenmeheartilybythehand。
　　"Sogladyouwereabletocome，"hehassaid。"Somefriendsofminehere，veryanxioustomeetyou。"Hehasbustledmeacrosstheroom。
　　"Delightfulpeople。You’lllikethem——havereadallyourbooks。"
　　Hehasbroughtmeuptoastatelylady，andhaspresentedme。Wehaveexchangedthecustomarycommonplaces，andshe，Ifeel，iswaitingformetosaysomethingclever，originalandtactful。AndI
　　don’tknowwhethersheisPresbyterianorMormon;aProtectionistoraFreeTrader;whethersheisengagedtobemarriedorhaslatelybeendivorced！
　　Afriendofmineadoptsthesensibleplanofalwaysprovidingyouwithashorthistoryofthepersontowhomheisabouttoleadyou。
　　"IwanttointroduceyoutoaMrs。Jones，"hewhispers。"Cleverwoman。Wroteabooktwoyearsago。Forgetthenameofit。
　　Somethingabouttwins。Keepawayfromsausages。FatherranaporkshopintheBorough。HusbandontheStockExchange。Keepoffcoke。
　　Unpleasantnessaboutacompany。You’llgetonbestbystickingtothebook。Lotinitaboutplatonicfriendship。Don’tseemtobelookingtoocloselyather。Hasaslightsquintshetriestohide。"
　　Bythistimewehavereachedthelady，andheintroducesmeasafriendofhiswhoissimplydyingtoknowher。
　　"Wantstotalkaboutyourbook，"heexplains。"Disagreeswithyouentirelyonthesubjectofplatonicfriendship。Sureyou’llbeabletoconvincehim。"
　　Itsavesusbothadealoftrouble。Istartatonceonplatonicfriendship，andaskherquestionsabouttwins，avoidingsausagesandcoke。Shethinksmeanunusuallyinterestingman，andIamlessboredthanotherwiseImightbe。
　　Ihavesometimesthoughtitwouldbeaserviceabledeviceif，inSociety，weallofusworeaneatcard——pinned，say，uponourback——
　　settingforthsuchinformationaswasnecessary;ournamelegiblywritten，andhowtobepronounced;ourage（notnecessarilyingoodfaith，butforpurposesofconversation。OnceIseriouslyhurtaGermanladybydemandingofherinformationabouttheFranco—Germanwar。Shelookedtomeasifshecouldnotobjecttobeingtakenforforty。Itturnedoutshewasthirty—seven。HadInotbeenanEnglishmanImighthavehadtofightaduel）;ourreligiousandpoliticalbeliefs;togetherwithalistofthesubjectsweweremostathomeupon;andafewfactsconcerningourcareer——sufficienttosavethestrangerfrom，whatisvulgarlytermed"puttinghisfootinit。"Beforemakingjokesabout"Dumping，"ordiscussingthequestionofChineseCheapLabour，onewouldglancebehindandnotewhetherone’scompanionwasticketed"Whole—hogger，"or"Pro—Boer。"Guestsdesirousofagreeablepartners——an"agreeableperson，"accordingtothelateLordBeaconsfield’sdefinition，being"apersonwhoagreeswithyou"——couldmaketheirownselection。
　　"Excuseme。Wouldyoumindturningroundaminute？Ah，’WagnerianCrank！’Iamafraidweshouldnotgetontogether。IprefertheItalianschool。"
　　Or，"Howdelightful。Iseeyoudon’tbelieveinvaccination。MayI
　　takeyouintosupper？"
　　Those，ontheotherhand，fondofargumentwouldchooseasuitableopponent。Amasterofceremoniesmightbeprovidedwhowouldstandinthecentreoftheroomandcallforpartners："LadywithstrongviewsinfavouroffemalefranchisewishestomeetgentlemanholdingtheopinionsofSt。Paul。Withviewtoargument。"
　　AnAmericanlady，ayearortwoago，wrotemealetterthatdidmerealgood：sheappreciatedmyworkwithsomuchunderstanding，criticiseditwithsuchsympatheticinterest。Sheaddedthat，wheninEnglandthesummerbefore，shehadbeenonthepointofacceptinganinvitationtomeetme;butatthelastmomentshehadchangedhermind;shefeltsosure——sheputitpleasantly，butthisiswhatitcameto——thatinmyownproperpersonIshouldfallshortofherexpectations。FormyownsakeIfeltsorryshehadcriedoff;itwouldhavebeenworthsomethingtohavemetsosensibleawoman。Anauthorintroducedtopeoplewhohaveread——orwhosaythattheyhaveread——hisbooks，feelsalwayslikeamantakenforthefirsttimetobeshowntohisfuturewife’srelations。Theyareverypleasant。
　　Theytrytoputhimathisease。Butheknowsinstinctivelytheyaredisappointedwithhim。Iremember，whenaveryyoungman，attendingapartyatwhichafamousAmericanhumoristwasthechiefguest。I
　　wasstandingclosebehindaladywhowastalkingtoherhusband。
　　"Hedoesn’tlookabitfunny，"saidthelady。
　　"GreatScott！"answeredherhusband。"Howdidyouexpecthimtolook？Didyouthinkhewouldhavearednoseandapatchoveroneeye？"
　　"Oh，well，hemightlookfunnierthanthat，anyhow，"retortedthelady，highlydissatisfied。"Itisn’tworthcomingfor。"
　　Weallknowthestoryofthehostesswho，leaningacrossthetableduringthedessert，requestedofthefunnymanthathewouldkindlysaysomethingamusingsoon，becausethedearchildrenwerewaitingtogotobed。Children，Isuppose，havenouseforfunnypeoplewhodon’tchoosetobefunny。IonceinvitedafrienddowntomyhouseforaSaturdaytoMonday。Heisanentertainingman，andbeforehecameIdilatedonhispowersofhumour——somewhatfoolishlyperhaps——
　　inthepresenceofacertainyouthfulpersonwhoresideswithme，andwholistenswhensheoughtn’tto，andneverwhensheought。Hehappenednottobeinahumorousmoodthatevening。Myyoungrelation，afterdinner，climbeduponmyknee。Forquitefiveminutesshesatsilent。Thenshewhispered：
　　"Hashesaidanythingfunny？"
　　"Hush。No，notyet;don’tbesilly。"
　　Fiveminuteslater："Wasthatfunny？"
　　"No，ofcoursenot。"
　　"Whynot？"
　　"Because——can’tyouhear？WearetalkingaboutOldAgePensions。"
　　"What’sthat？"
　　"Oh，it’s——oh，nevermindnow。Itisn’tasubjectonwhichonecanbefunny。"
　　"Thenwhat’shewanttotalkaboutitfor？"
　　Shewaitedforanotherquarterofanhour。Then，evidentlybored，andmuchtomyrelief，suggestedherselfthatshemightaswellgotobed。Sherantomethenextmorninginthegardenwithanairoftriumph。
　　"Hesaidsomethingsofunnylastnight，"shetoldme。
　　"Oh，whatwasit？"Iinquired。ItseemedtomeImusthavemissedit。
　　"Well，Ican’texactly’memberit，"sheexplained，"notjustatthemoment。Butitwassofunny。Idreamedit，youknow。"
　　ForfolksnotLions，butcloselyrelatedtoLions，introductionsmustbetryingordeals。Youtellthemthatforyearsyouhavebeenyearningtomeetthem。Youassurethem，inavoicetremblingwithemotion，thatthisisindeedaprivilege。Yougoontoaddthatwhenaboy—
　　AtthispointtheyhavetointerruptyoutoexplainthattheyarenottheMr。So—and—So，butonlyhiscousinorhisgrandfather;andallyoucanthinkoftosayis："Oh，I’msosorry。"
　　Ihadanephewwhowasoncetheamateurlong—distancebicyclechampion。Ihavehimstill，butheisstouterandhascomedowntoamotorcar。InsportingcirclesIwasalwaysintroducedas"Shorland’sUncle。"Close—croppedyoungmenwouldgazeatmewithrapture;andtheninquire："Anddoyoudoanythingyourself，Mr。
　　Jerome？"
　　Butmycasewasnotsobadasthatofafriendofmine，adoctor。Hemarriedaleadingactress，andwasknowneverafterwardsas"MissB—
　　’shusband。"
　　Atpublicdinners，whereonetakesone’sseatfortheeveningnexttosomeonethatonepossiblyhasnevermetbefore，andisneverlikelytomeetagain，conversationisdifficultanddangerous。IremembertalkingtoaladyataVagabondClubdinner。Sheaskedmeduringtheentree——withalightlaugh，asIafterwardsrecalled——whatIthought，candidly，ofthelastbookofacertaincelebratedauthoress。Itoldher，andacoldnesssprangupbetweenus。Shehappenedtobethecertaincelebratedauthoress;shehadchangedherplaceatthelastmomentsoastoavoidsittingnexttoanotherladynovelist，whomshehated。
　　Onehastoshiftoneself，sometimes，ontheseoccasions。AnewspapermancameuptomelastNinthofNovemberattheMansionHouse。
　　"Wouldyoumindchangingseatswithme？"heasked。"It’sabitawkward。They’veputmenexttomyfirstwife。"
　　Ihadatroubledeveningmyselfoncelongago。IaccompaniedayoungwidowladytoamusicalAtHome，givenbyaladywhohadmoreacquaintancesthansheknew。Wemetthebutleratthetopofthestairs。Myfriendspokefirst：
　　"SayMrs。Dashand——"
　　Thebutlerdidnotwaitformore——hewasayoungishman——butshoutedout：
　　"Mr。andMrs。Dash。"
　　"Mydear！howveryquietyouhavekept！"criedourhostessdelighted。
　　"Doletmecongratulateyou。"
　　Thecrushwastoogreatandourhostesstoodistractedatthemomentforanyexplanations。Weweresweptaway，andbothofusspenttheremainderoftheeveningfeeblyprotestingoursingleness。
　　Ifithadhappenedonthestageitwouldhavetakenusthewholeplaytogetoutofit。Stagepeoplearenotallowedtoputthingsrightwhenmistakesaremadewiththeiridentity。Ifthelightcomedianisexpectingaplumber，thefirstmanthatcomesintothedrawing—roomhasgottobeaplumber。Heisnotallowedtopointoutthatheneverwasaplumber;thathedoesn’tlooklikeaplumber;thatnoonenotanidiotwouldmistakehimforaplumber。Hehasgottobeshutupinthebath—roomandhavewaterpouredoverhim，justasifhewereaplumber——astageplumber，thatis。Nottillrightawayattheendofthelastactishepermittedtoremarkthathehappenstobethenewcurate。
　　Isatoutaplayonceatwhichmostpeoplelaughed。Itmademesad。
　　Adearoldladyenteredtowardstheendofthefirstact。Weknewshewastheaunt。Nobodycanpossiblymistakethestageaunt——exceptthepeopleonthestage。They，ofcourse，mistookherforacircusrider，andshutherupinacupboard。Itiswhatcupboardsseemtobereservedforonthestage。Nothingiseverputinthemexceptingthehero’srelations。Whenshewasn’tinthecupboardshewasinaclothesbasket，ortiedupinacurtain。Allsheneedhavedonewastoholdontosomethingwhileremarkingtothehero：
　　"Ifyou’llstopshoutingandjumpingaboutforjusttenseconds，andgivemeachancetoobservethatIamyourmaidenauntfromDevonshire，allthistomfoolerycanbeavoided。"
　　Thatwouldhaveendedit。Asamatteroffactthatdidenditfiveminutespasteleven。Ithadn’toccurredtohertosayitbefore。
　　InreallifeIneverknewbutofonecasewhereamansufferedinsilenceunpleasantnesshecouldhaveendedwithaword;andthatwasthecaseofthelateCorneyGrain。Hehadbeenengagedtogivehisentertainmentatacountryhouse。Theladywasanouvellericheofsnobbishinstincts。SheleftinstructionsthatCorneyGrainwhenhearrivedwastodinewiththeservants。Thebutler，whoknewbetter，apologised;butCorneywasamannoteasilydisconcerted。Hedinedwell，andafterdinnerroseandaddressedtheassembledcompany。
　　"Well，now，mygoodfriends，"saidCorney，"ifwehaveallfinished，andifyouareallagreeable，Ishallbepleasedtopresenttoyoumylittleshow。"
　　Theservantscheered。Thepianowasdispensedwith。Corneycontrivedtoamusehisaudienceverywellforhalf—an—hourwithoutit。Atteno’clockcamedownamessage：WouldMr。CorneyGraincomeupintothedrawing—room。Corneywent。Thecompanyinthedrawing—
　　roomwerewaiting，seated。
　　"Weareready，Mr。Grain，"remarkedthehostess。
　　"Readyforwhat？"demandedCorney。
　　"Foryourentertainment，"answeredthehostess。
　　"ButIhavegivenitalready，"explainedCorney;"andmyengagementwasforoneperformanceonly。"
　　"Givenit！Where？When？"
　　"Anhourago，downstairs。"
　　"Butthisisnonsense，"exclaimedthehostess。
　　"Itseemedtomesomewhatunusual，"Corneyreplied;"butithasalwaysbeenmyprivilegetodinewiththecompanyIamaskedtoentertain。Itookityouhadarrangedalittletreatfortheservants。"
　　AndCorneylefttocatchhistrain。
　　Anotherentertainertoldmethefollowingstory，althoughajokeagainsthimself。HeandCorneyGrainweresharingacottageontheriver。Amancalledearlyonemorningtodiscussaffairs，andwastalkingtoCorneyintheparlour，whichwasonthegroundfloor。Thewindowwasopen。Theotherentertainer——themanwhotoldmethestory——wasdressingintheroomabove。Thinkingherecognisedthevoiceofthevisitorbelow，heleantoutofhisbedroomwindowtohearbetter。Heleanttoofar，anddivedheadforemostintoabedofflowers，hisbarelegs——andonlyhisbarelegs——showingthroughtheopenwindowoftheparlour。
　　"Goodgracious！"exclaimedthevisitor，turningatthemomentandseeingapairofwrigglinglegsabovethewindowsill;"who’sthat？"
　　Corneyfixedhiseyeglassandstrolledtothewindow。
　　"Oh，it’sonlyWhat’s—his—name，"heexplained。"Wonderfulspirits。
　　Canbefunnyinthemorning。"
　　SHOULDWOMENBEBEAUTIFUL？
　　Prettywomenaregoingtohaveahardtimeofitlateron。Hitherto，theyhavehadthingsfartoomuchtheirownway。Inthefuturetherearegoingtobenoprettygirls，forthesimplereasontherewillbenoplaingirlsagainstwhichtocontrastthem。OflateIhavedonesomesystematicreadingofladies’papers。Theplaingirlsubmitstoacourseof"treatment。"IneighteenmonthssheburstsuponSocietyanacknowledgedbeauty。Anditisalldonebykindness。Onegirlwrites：
　　"OnlyalittlewhileagoIusedtolookatmyselfintheglassandcry。NowIlookatmyselfandlaugh。"
　　Theletterisaccompaniedbytwophotographsoftheyounglady。I
　　shouldhavecriedmyselfhadIseenherasshewasatfirst。Shewasastumpy，flat—headed，squat—nosed，cross—eyedthing。Shedidnotevenlookgood。Onevirtuesheappearstohavehad，however。Itwasfaith。Shebelievedwhatthelabelsaid，shedidwhatthelabeltoldher。Sheisnowatall，ravishingyoungperson，heronlytroublebeing，Ishouldsay，toknowwhattodowithherhair——itreachestoherkneesandmustbeanuisancetoher。Shewoulddobettertogivesomeofitaway。Takingthisyoungladyasatext，itmeansthatthegirlwhodeclinestobeadreamoflovelinessdoessooutofobstinacy。Whattherawmaterialmaybedoesnotappeartomatter。
　　Providednofeatureisabsolutelymissing，theresultisoneandthesame。
　　Arrivedatyearsofdiscretion，themaidenproceedstochoosethestyleofbeautysheprefers。WillshebeaJuno，aVenus，oraHelen？WillshehaveaGreciannose，oronetip—tiltedlikethepetalofarose？Lethertrythetip—tiltedstylefirst。Theprofessorhasanideaitisgoingtobefashionable。Ifafterwardsshedoesnotlikeit，therewillbetimetotrytheGrecian。Itisdifficulttodecidethesepointswithoutexperiment。
　　Wouldtheladylikeahighoralowforehead？Someladiesliketolookintelligent。Itispurelyamatteroftaste。WiththeGreciannose，thelowbroadforeheadperhapsgoesbetter。Itismoreaccordingtoprecedent。Ontheotherhand，thehighbrainyforeheadwouldbemoreoriginal。Itisfortheladyherselftoselect。
　　Wecometothequestionofeyes。Theladyfanciesadelicateblue，nottoopronouncedacolour——oneofthoseusefulshadesthatgowithalmosteverything。Atthesametimethereshouldbedepthandpassion。Theprofessorunderstandsexactlythesortofeyetheladymeans。Butitwillbeexpensive。Thereisacheapquality;theprofessordoesnotrecommendit。Truethatitpassesmusterbygaslight，butthesunlightshowsitup。Itlackstenderness，andatthepriceyoucanhardlyexpectittocontainmuchhiddenmeaning。
　　Theprofessoradvisesthemelting，Oh—George—take—me—in—your—arms—
　　and—still—my—foolish—fearsbrand。Itcostsalittlemore，butitpaysforitselfintheend。
　　Perhapsitwillbebest，nowtheeyehasbeenfixedupon，todiscussthequestionofthehair。Theprofessoropenshisbookofpatterns。
　　Maybetheladyisofawilfuldisposition。Shelovestorunlaughingthroughthewoodsduringexceptionallyrainyweather;ortogallopacrossthedownswithoutahat，herfairringletsstreaminginthewind，theoldfamilycoachmanpantingandexpostulatingintherear。
　　Ifonemaytrustthepopularnovel，extremelysatisfactoryhusbandshaveoftenbeensecuredinthisway。Younaturallylookatagirlwhoiswalkingthroughawood，laughingheartilyapparentlyfornootherreasonthanbecauseitisraining——whoridesatstretchgallopwithoutahat。Ifyouhavenothingelsetodo，youfollowher。Itisalwaysonthecardsthatsuchagirlmaydosomethingreallyamusingbeforeshegetshome。Thusthingsbegin。
　　Toagirlofthiskind，naturallycurlyhairisessential。Itmustbethesortofhairthatlooksbetterwhenitissoakingwet。Thebottleofstuffthatmakesthisparticularhairtogrowmaybeconsidereddear，ifyouthinkmerelyoftheprice。Butthatisnotthewaytolookatit。"Whatisitgoingtodoforme？"Thatiswhatthegirlhasgottoaskherself。Itdoesnotdotospoiltheshipforaha’porthoftar，asthesayingis。Ifyouaregoingtobeadashing，wilfulbeauty，youmusthavethehairforit，orthewholeschemefallstotheground。
　　Eyebrowsandeyelashes，theprofessorassumes，theladywouldliketomatchthehair。Toomucheccentricitytheprofessordoesnotagreewith。Nature，afterall，isthebestguide;neatnesscombinedwithtaste，thatistheidealtobeaimedat。Theeyebrowsshouldbealmoststraight，theprofessorthinks;theeyelasheslongandsilky，withjustthesuspicionofacurl。Theprofessorwouldalsosuggestalittlelesscheekbone。Cheekbonesarebeingwornlowthisseason。
　　Willtheladyhaveadimpledchin，ordoesshefancythesquare—cutjaw？Maybethesquare—cutjawandthefirm，sweetmoutharemoresuitableforthemarriedwoman。Theygowellenoughwiththebabyandthetea—urn，andthestrong，proudmaninthebackground。Fortheunmarriedgirlthedimpledchinandtherosebudmouthare，perhaps，onthewholesafer。Somegentlemenaresonervousofthatfirm，squarejaw。Forthepresent，atallevents，letuskeeptotherosebudandthedimple。
　　Complexion！Well，thereisonlyonecomplexionworthconsidering——acreamywhite，relievedbydelicatepeachpink。Itgoeswitheverything，andisalwayseffective。Richolives，strikingpallors——
　　yes，youhearofthesethingsdoingwell。Theprofessor’sexperience，however，isthatforall—roundworkyouwillneverimproveupontheplainwhiteandpink。Itislessliabletogetoutoforder，andistheeasiestatalltimestorenew。
　　Forthefigure，theprofessorrecommendssomethinglitheandsupple。
　　Fivefootfourisagoodheight，butthatisapointthatshouldbediscussedfirstwiththedressmaker。Fortrains，fivefootsixis，perhaps，preferable。Butforthesportinggirl，whohastowearshortfrocks，thatheightwould，ofcourse，beimpossible。
　　Thebustandthewaistarealsopointsonwhichthedressmakershouldbeconsulted。Nothingshouldbedoneinahurry。Whatisthefashiongoingtobeforthenexttwoorthreeseasons？Therearestylesdemandingthatbeginningattheneckyoushouldcurveout，likeapouterpigeon。Thereisapparentlynodifficultywhateverinobtainingthisresult。Butifcrinolines，forinstance，arelikelytocomeinagain！Theladyhasonlytoimagineitforherself：theeffectmightbegrotesque，suggestiveofawalkinghour—glass。So，too，withthewaist。Forsomefashionsitisbettertohaveitjustafootfromtheneck。Atothertimesitismoreusefullowerdown。
　　Theladywillkindlythinkoverthesedetailsandlettheprofessorknow。Whileoneisaboutit，onemayaswellmakeasoundjob。
　　Itisallsosimple，and，whenyoucometothinkofit，reallynotexpensive。Age，apparently，makesnodifference。Awomanisasoldasshelooks。Infuture，Itakeit，therewillbenoladiesoverfive—and—twenty。Wrinkles！Whyanyladyshouldstillpersistinwearingthemisamysterytome。Withamoderateamountofcareanymiddle—classwomancouldsaveenoughoutofthehousekeepingmoneyinamonthtogetridofeveryoneofthem。Greyhair！Well，ofcourse，ifyouclingtogreyhair，thereisnomoretobesaid。Buttoladieswhowouldjustassoonhaverichwavy—brownoradelicateshadeofgold，Iwouldpointoutthatthereareonehundredandforty—seveninexpensivelotionsonthemarket，anyoneofwhich，rubbedgentlyintotheheadwithatooth—brush（nottoohard）justbeforegoingtobedwill，touseacolloquialism，dothetrick。
　　Areyoutoostout，orareyoutoothin？Allyouhavetodoistosaywhich，andenclosestamps。Butdonotmakeamistakeandsendforthewrongrecipe。Ifyouarealreadytoothin，youmightinconsequencesuddenlydisappearbeforeyoufoundoutyourmistake。
　　OneverystoutladyIknewworkedatherselfforeighteenmonthsandgotstoutereveryday。Thisdiscouragedhersomuchthatshegaveuptrying。Nodoubtshehadmadeamuddleandhadsentforthewrongbottle，butshewouldnotlistentofurtheradvice。Shesaidshewastiredofthewholething。
　　Infutureyearstherewillbenoneedforayoungmantolookabouthimforawife;hewilltakethenearestgirl，tellherhisideal，and，ifshereallycareforhim，shewillgototheshopandhaveherselffixeduptohispattern。IncertainEasterncountries，I
　　believe，somethingofthiskindisdone。Agentlemandesirousofaddingtohisfamilysendsroundtheneighbourhoodtheweightandsizeofhisfavouritewife，hintingthatifanothercanbefoundofthesameproportions，thereisroomforher。Fatherswalkroundamongtheirdaughters，choosethemostlikelyspecimen，andhaveherfattenedup。ThatistheirbrutalEasternway。OutWestweshallbemoredelicate。Match—makingmotherswillprobablyrevivetheoldconfessionbook。Eligiblebachelorswillbeinvitedtofillinapage："Yourfavouriteheightinwomen，""Yourfavouritemeasurementroundthewaist，""Doyoulikebrunettesorblondes？"
　　Thechoicewillbelefttothegirls。
　　"IdothinkHenryWilliamjusttoosweetforwords，"themaidenofthefuturewillmurmurtoherself。Gently，coyly，shewilldrawfromhimhisidealofwhatawomanshouldbe。Infromsixmonthstoayearshewillburstuponhim，theperfectShe;height，size，weight，righttoaT。Hewillclaspherinhisarms。
　　"Atlast，"hewillcry，"Ihavefoundher，thewomanofmydreams。"
　　Andifhedoesnotchangehismind，andthebottlesdonotbegintolosetheireffect，therewillbeeverychancethattheywillbehappyeverafterwards。
　　MightnotSciencegoevenfurther？Whyrestsatisfiedwithmakingaworldofmerelybeautifulwomen？CannotScience，whilesheisaboutit，makethemallgoodatthesametime。Idonotapologiseforthesuggestion。Iusedtothinkallwomenbeautifulandgood。Itistheirownpapersthathavedisillusionedme。Iusedtolookatthisladyoratthat——shyly，whennobodyseemedtobenoticingme——andthinkhowfairshewas，howstately。NowIonlywonderwhoisherchemist。
　　Theyusedtotellme，whenIwasalittleboy，thatgirlsweremadeofsugarandspice。Iknowbetternow。IhavereadtherecipesintheAnswerstoCorrespondents。
　　WhenIwasquiteayoungmanIusedtositindarkcornersandlisten，withswellingheart，whilepeopleatthepianotoldmewherelittlegirlbabiesgottheirwonderfuleyesfrom，ofthethingstheydidtotheminheaventhatgavethemdimples。Ahme！IwishnowI
　　hadnevercomeacrossthoseladies’papers。Iknowthestuffthatcausesthosebewitchingeyes。Iknowtheshopwheretheymakethosedimples;Ihavepasseditandlookedin。Ithoughttheywereproducedbyangels’kisses，buttherewasnotanangelabouttheplace，thatIcouldsee。PerhapsIhavealsobeendeceivedasregardstheirgoodness。Maybeallwomenarenotsoperfectasinthepopularshortstorytheyappeartobe。ThatiswhyIsuggestthatScienceshouldproceedstillfurther，andmakethemallasbeautifulinmindassheisnowabletomaketheminbody。Maywenotlivetoseeintheadvertisementcolumnsoftheladies’paperofthefuturetheportraitofayounggirlsulkinginacorner——"Beforetakingthelotion！"Thesamegirldancingamongherlittlebrothersandsisters，sheddingsunlightthroughthehome——"Afterthethreefirstbottles！"MaywenothavetheCaudleMixture：Onetablespoonfulatbed—timeguaranteedtomaketheladymurmur，"Good—night，dear;hopeyou’llsleepwell，"andatoncetofallasleep，herlipspartedinasmile？MaybesomespecialistofthefuturewilladvertiseMindMassage："Warrantedtoremovefromthemostobstinatesubjectalltracesofhatred，envy，andmalice。"
　　And，whenSciencehasdoneeverythingpossibleforwomen，theremightbenoharminherturningherattentiontousmen。Herideaatpresentseemstobethatwemenaretoobeautiful，physicallyandmorally，toneedimprovement。Personally，thereareoneortwopointsaboutwhichIshouldliketoconsulther。
　　WHENISTHEBESTTIMETOBEMERRY？
　　ThereissomuchIcoulddotoimprovethingsgenerallyinandaboutEurope，ifonlyIhadafreehand。Ishouldnotproposeanygreatfundamentalchanges。Thesepoorpeoplehavegotusedtotheirownways;itwouldbeunwisetoreformthemallatonce。ButtherearemanylittleoddsandendsthatIcoulddoforthem，somanyoftheirmistakesIcouldcorrectforthem。Theydonotknowthis。Iftheyonlyknewtherewasamanlivingintheirmidstwillingtotaketheminhandandarrangethingsforthem，howgladtheywouldbe。Butthestoryisalwaysthesame。Onereadsitintheadvertisementsofthematrimonialcolumn：
　　"Alady，young，saidtobegood—looking"——sheherselfisnotsureonthepoint;shefeelsthatpossiblyshemaybeprejudiced;sheputsbeforeyoumerelythecurrentgossipoftheneighbourhood;peoplesaysheisbeautiful;theymayberight，theymaybewrong：itisnotforhertodecide——"well—educated，ofaffectionatedisposition，possessedofmeans，desirestomeetgentlemanwithaviewtomatrimony。"
　　Immediatelyunderneathonereadsofagentlemanoftwenty—eight，"tall，fair，consideredagreeable。"Reallythemodestyofthematrimonialadvertiserteachestousordinarymortalsquiteabeautifullesson。Iknowinstinctivelythatwereanybodytoaskmesuddenly：
　　"Doyoucallyourselfanagreeableman？"Ishouldanswerpromptly：
　　"Anagreeableman！OfcourseI’managreeableman。Whatsillyquestionsyoudoask！"Ifhepersistedinarguingthematter，saying：
　　"Buttherearepeoplewhodonotconsideryouanagreeableman。"I
　　shouldgetangrywithhim。
　　"Oh，theythinkthat，dothey？"Ishouldsay。"Well，youtellthemfromme，withmycompliments，thattheyareasetofblitheringidiots。Notagreeable！YoushowmethemanwhosaysI’mnotagreeable。I’llsoonlethimknowwhetherI’magreeableornot。"
　　Theseyoungmenseekingawifearesilentonthesubjectoftheirownvirtues。Suchareforotherstodiscover。Thematrimonialadvertiserconfineshimselftoasimplestatementoffact：heisconsideredagreeable。"
　　Heisdomesticallyinclined，andinreceiptofagoodincome。Heisdesirousofmeetingaladyofseriousdisposition，withviewtomatrimony。Ifpossessedofmeans——well，itisatriflehardlyworthconsideringonewayortheother。Hedoesnotinsistuponit;ontheotherhandhedoesnotexcludeladiesofmeans;themainideaismatrimony。
　　Itissadtoreflectuponayounglady，saidtobegood—looking（letussaygood—lookingandbedonewithit：aneighbourhooddoesnotriseupanddeclareagirlgood—lookingifsheisnotgood—looking，thatisonlyhermodestwayofputtingit），letussayayounglady，good—looking，well—educated，ofaffectionatedisposition——itisundeniablysadtoreflectthatsuchanone，matrimoniallyinclined，shouldbecompelledtohaverecoursetothecolumnsofamatrimonialjournal。Whataretheyoungmenintheneighbourhoodthinkingof？
　　Whatmoredotheywant？IsitVenuscometolifeagainwithtenthousandayearthattheyarewaitingfor！Itmakesmeangrywithmyownsexreadingtheseadvertisements。Andwhenonethinksofthegirlsthatdogetmarried！
　　Butlifeisamystery。Thefactremains：hereistheidealwifeseekinginvainforahusband。Andhere，immediatelyunderneath——I
　　willnotsaytheidealhusband，hemayhavefaults;noneofusareperfect，butasmengoadecidedacquisitiontoanydomestichearth，anagreeablegentleman，fondofhomelife，noneofyourgad—abouts——
　　callsaloudtothefourwindsforawife——anysortofawife，providedshebeofaseriousdisposition。Inhisdespair，hehasgrownindifferenttoallotherconsiderations。"Isthereinthisworld，"hehassaidtohimself，"oneunmarriedwoman，willingtomarryme，anagreeableman，inreceiptofagoodincome。"Possiblyenoughthistwainhavepassedoneanotherinthestreet，havesatsidebysideinthesametram—car，neverguessing，eachone，thattheotherwastheveryarticleofwhichtheywereinwanttomakelifebeautiful。
　　Mistressesinsearchofaservant，notsomuchwiththeideaofgettingworkoutofher，ratherwiththeobjectofmakingherhappy，advertiseononepage。Ontheoppositepage，domestictreasures——
　　disciplesofCarlyle，apparently，withapassionateloveofworkforitsownsake——areseekingsituations，notsomuchwiththedesireofgainaswiththehopeoffindingopeningswheretheymayenjoytheluxuryoffeelingtheyareleadingusefullives。Thesephilanthropicmistresses，thesetoil—lovinghand—maidens，havelivedsidebysideinthesametownforyears，neverknowingoneanother。
　　SoitiswiththesepoorEuropeanpeoples。Theypassmeinthestreet。TheydonotguessthatIamreadyandwillingtotakethemundermycare，toteachthemcommonsensewithasmatteringofintelligence——tobe，asonemightsay，afathertothem。Theylookatme。ThereisnothingaboutmetotellthemthatIknowwhatisgoodforthembetterthantheydothemselves。Inthefairytalesthewisemanworeaconicalhatandalongrobewithtwiddlythingsallroundtheedge。Youknewhewasacleverman。Itavoidedthenecessityofexplanation。Unfortunately，thefashionhasgoneout。
　　Wewisemenhavetowearjustordinaryclothes。Nobodyknowswearewisemen。Evenwhenwetellthemso，theydon’tbelieveit。Thisitisthatmakesourtaskthemoredifficult。
　　OneofthefirstthingsIshouldtakeinhand，wereEuropeanaffairshandedovertomycontrol，wouldbetherearrangementoftheCarnival。Asmattersare，theCarnivaltakesplacealloverEuropeinFebruary。AtNice，inSpain，orinItaly，itmaybeoccasionallypossibletofeelyouwanttodanceaboutthestreetsinthincostumeduringFebruary。ButinmorenortherncountriesduringCarnivaltimeIhaveseenonlyonesensiblemasker;hewasamanwhohadgothimselfupasadiver。ItwasinAntwerp。Therainwaspouringdownintorrents;acheery，boisterousJohnBullsortofaneastwindwasblusteringthroughthestreetsattherateoffifteenmilesanhour。
　　Pierrots，withfrozenhands，wereblowingbluenoses。AnelderlyCupidhadborrowedanumbrellafromacafeandwaswaitingforatram。Averylittledevilwascryingwiththecold，andwipinghiseyeswiththeendofhisowntail。Everydoorwaywascrowdedwithshiveringmaskers。Thediveralonewalkederect，thewaterstreamingfromhim。
　　Februaryisnotthemonthforopenairmasquerading。The"confetti，"
　　whichhascometobenothingbutcolouredpapercutintosmalldiscs，isasoddenmass。Whenalumpofitstrikesyouintheeye，yourinstinctisnottolaughgaily，buttofindoutthemanwhothrewitandtohithimback。ThisisnotthetruespiritofCarnival。Themarvelisthat，inspiteofthealmostinvariablyadverseweather，theseCarnivalsstillcontinue。InBelgium，whereRomanismstillremainsthedominantreligion，CarnivalmaintainsitselfstrongerthanelsewhereinNorthernEurope。
　　Atonesmalltown，Binche，neartheFrenchborder，itholdsuninterruptedswayforthreedaysandtwonights，duringwhichtimethewholeofthepopulation，swelledbyvisitorsfromtwentymilesround，shouts，romps，eatsanddrinksanddances。Afterwhichthevisitorsarepackedlikesardinesintorailwaytrains。Theypintheirticketstotheircoatsandpromptlygotosleep。Ateverystationtherailwayofficialsstumbleupanddownthetrainswithlanterns。Thelastfeebleeffortofthemorewakefulreveller，beforeheaddshimselftotheheapofsnoringhumanityontheflooroftherailwaycarriage，istochangetheticketsofacoupleofhisunconsciouscompanions。Inthiswaygentlemenfortheeastaredraggedoutbythelegsatjunctions，andpackedintotrainsgoingwest;whilesouthernfathersareshotoutinthechilldawnatlonelynorthernstations，tofindthemselvesgreetedwithenthusiasmbyotherpeople’sfamilies。
　　AtBinche，theysay——Ihavenotcountedthemmyself——thatthirtythousandmaskerscanbeseendancingatthesametime。Whentheyarenotdancingtheyarethrowingorangesatoneanother。Thehousesboarduptheirwindows。Therestaurantstakedowntheirmirrorsandhideawaytheglasses。IfIwentmasqueradingatBincheIshouldgoasamaninarmour，periodHenrytheSeventh。
　　"Doesn’tithurt，"Iaskedaladywhohadbeenthere，"havingorangesthrownatyou？Whichsortdotheyuse，speakinggenerally，thosefinejuicyones——JavasIthinkyoucallthem——orthelittlehardbrandwithskinslikeanutmeg—grater？Andifbothsortsareusedindiscriminately，whichdoyoupersonallyprefer？"
　　"Thesmartpeople，"sheanswered，"theyarethesameeverywhere——theymustbeextravagant——theyusetheJavaorange。IfithitsyouinthebackIprefertheJavaorange。Itismoremessythantheother，butitdoesnotleaveyouwiththatcurioussensationofhavingbeentemporarilystunned。Mostpeople，ofcourse，makeuseofthesmallhardorange。Ifyouduckintime，andsocatchitonthetopofyourhead，itdoesnothurtsomuchasyouwouldthink。If，however，ithitsyouonatenderplace——well，myself，Ialwaysfindthatalittlesalvolatile，witholdcognac——halfandhalf，youunderstand——isaboutthebestthing。Butitonlyhappensonceayear，"sheadded。
　　Nearlyeverytowngivesprizesforthebestgroupofmaskers。Insomecasesthefirstprizeamountstoasmuchastwohundredpounds。
　　Thebutchers，thebakers，thecandlestickmakers，jointogetherandcompete。Theyarriveinwagons，eachgroupwithitsband。Freetradeisencouraged。Eachneighbouringtownandvillage"dumps"itsloadofpicturesquemerry—makers。
　　ItisinthesesmallertownsthatthespiritofKingCarnivalfindshappiestexpression。Almosteverythirdinhabitanttakespartinthefun。InBrusselsandthelargertownsthethingappearsridiculous。
　　Afewhundredmaskersforcetheirwaywithdifficultythroughthousandsofdull—cladspectators，lookinglikeaSpanishriverinthesummertime，afeeblestream，dribblingthroughacresofmuddybank。AtCharleroi，thecentreoftheBelgianBlackCountry，thechieffeatureoftheCarnivalisthedancingofthechildren。A
　　spaceisspeciallyropedoffforthem。
　　Ifbychancethesuniskindenoughtoshine，thesightisaprettyone。Howtheylovethedressingupandtheacting，thesesmallmites！Oneyounghussy——shecouldhardlyhavebeenmorethanten——
　　wasgottenupasahaughtyyounglady。Maybesomeeldersisterhadservedasamodel。Sheworeatremendouswigofflaxenhair，ahatthatIguaranteewouldhavemadeitsmarkevenatAscotontheCupDay，askirtthattrailedtwoyardsbehindher，apairofwhathadoncebeenwhitekidgloves，andabluesilkparasol。Dignity！I
　　haveseentheoffendedbarmaid，Ihavemetthechorusgirl——notbyappointment，pleasedon’tmisunderstandme，merelyasaspectator——uptheriveronSunday。ButneverhaveIwitnessedinanyhumanbeingsomuchhauteurtothepoundavoir—dupoisaswascarriedthroughthestreetsofCharleroibythatsmallbrat。Companionsofotherdays，merevulgarboysandgirls，claimedacquaintancewithher。Shepassedthemwithastareofsuchutterdisdainthatitsentthemtumblingoveroneanotherbackwards。Bythetimetheyhadrecoveredthemselvessufficientlytothinkofanoldtinkettlelyinghandyintheguttershehadturnedthecorner。
　　Twomiserablycladurchins，unabletoscrapetogetherthefewsousnecessaryforthehireofaragortwo，hadneverthelessdeterminednottobealtogetheroutofit。Theyhadmanagedtoborrowacoupleofwhiteblouses——notwhatyouwouldunderstandbyawhiteblouse，dearMadame，adaintythingoffrillsandlaces，butthecoarsewhitesackthestreetsweeperwearsoverhisclothes。Theyhadalsoborrowedacoupleofbrooms。Ridiculouslittleobjectstheylooked，thetinyheadofeachshowingabovethegreatwhiteshroudasgravelytheywalked，theonebehindtheother，sweepingthemudintothegutter。TheyalsowereoftheCarnival，playingatbeingscavengers。
　　AnotherquaintsightIwitnessed。The"serpentin"isafeatureoftheBelgianCarnival。Itisastripofcolouredpaper，somedozenyardslong，perhaps。Youflingitasyouwouldalassoo，entanglingtheheadofsomepasser—by。Naturally，theobjectmostaimedatbytheBelgianyouthistheBelgianmaiden。And，naturallyalso，themaidenwhofindsherselfmostentangledisthemaidenwho——touseagainthelanguageofthematrimonialadvertiser——"isconsideredgood—looking。"Theserpentinaboutherheadisthe"featherinhercap"oftheBelgianmaidenonCarnivalDay。ComingsuddenlyroundthecornerIalmostranintoagirl。Herbackwastowardsme。Itwasaquietstreet。Shehadhalfadozenoftheseserpentins。
　　Hurriedly，withtremblinghands，shewastwistingthemroundandroundherownhead。IlookedatherasIpassed。Sheflushedscarlet。Poorlittlesnub—nosedpasty—facedwoman！Iwishshehadnotseenme。Icouldhaveboughtsixpenny—worth，followedher，andtormentedherwiththem;whileshewouldhavepretendedindignation——
　　sought，discreetly，toescapefromme。
　　DownSouth，wherethebloodflowsquicker，KingCarnivalis，indeed，ajollyoldsoul。InMunichhereignsforsixweeks，theendcomingwithamadtwodaysrevelinthestreets。Duringthewholeoftheperiod，folksinordinary，every—daycostumeareregardedascuriosities;peoplewonderwhattheyareupto。FromtheGrafintotheDienstmadchen，fromtheHerrProfessortothe"Piccolo，"astheytermthesmallartistthatanswerstoourpageboy，thebusinessofMunichisdancing，somewhere，somehow，inafancycostume。Everytheatreclearsawaythestage，everycafecrowdsitschairsandtablesintocorners，theverystreetsareclearedfordancing。
　　Munichgoesmad。
　　Munichisalwaysalittlemad。ThemaddestballIeverdancedatwasinMunich。IwenttherewithaHarvardUniversityprofessor。Hehadbeentoldwhattheseballswerelike。Everseekingknowledgeofallthings，hedeterminedtotakethematterupforhimselfandexamineit。Thewriteralsomusteverbelearning。Iagreedtoaccompanyhim。Wehadnotintendedtodance。Ourideawasthatwecouldbeindulgentspectators，regardingfromsomecoignofvantagetheanticsofthefoolishcrowd。Theprofessorwascladasbecameaprofessor。
　　Myself，Iworeasimply—cutfrock—coat，withtrouseringinFrenchgrey。Thedoorkeeperexplainedtousthatthiswasacostumeball;
　　hewassorry，butgentlemencouldonlybeadmittedineveningdressorinmasquerade。
　　Itwashalfpastoneinthemorning。Wehadsatuplateonpurpose;
　　wehadgonewithoutourdinner;wehadwalkedtwomiles。Theprofessorsuggestedpinningupthetailsofhisclerically—cutcoatandturninginhiswaistcoat。Thedoorkeeperfeareditwouldnotbequitethesamething。Besides，myFrenchgreytrousersrefusedtoadaptthemselves。Thedoorkeeperproposedourhiringacostume——alittlespeculationofhisown;gentlemenfounditsimplersometimes，especiallymarriedgentlemen，tohireacostumeinthismanner，changingbackintosobergarmentsbeforereturninghome。Itreducedthevolumeofnecessaryexplanation。
　　"Haveyouanything，mygoodman，"saidtheprofessor，"anythingthatwouldeffectacompletedisguise？"
　　Thedoorkeeperhadtheverything——aChinesearrangement，withcombinedmaskandwig。Itfittedneatlyoverthehead，andwasprovidedwithasimplebutingeniouspieceofmechanismbymeansofwhichmuchcouldbedonewiththepigtail。MyselfthedoorkeeperhidfromviewunderthecowlofaCarmelitemonk。
　　"Idohopenobodyrecognisesus，"whisperedmyfriendtheprofessorasweentered。
　　Icanonlyhopesincerelythattheydidnot。Idonotwishtotalkaboutmyself。Thatwouldbeegotism。Butthemysteryoftheprofessortroublesmetothisday。Agrave，earnestgentleman，thefatherofafamily，Isawhimwithmyowneyesputthatridiculouspasteboardmaskoverhishead。Lateron——agooddeallateron——I
　　foundmyselfwalkingagainwithhimthroughsilentstar—litstreets。
　　Wherehehadbeenintheinterval，andwhothenwasthestrangecreatureundertheChinaman’smask，willalwaysremaintomeanunsolvedproblem。
　　DOWELIEA—BEDTOOLATE？
　　ItwasinParis，manyyearsago，thatIfellbychanceintothishabitofearlyrising。Mynight——byreasonsthatIneednotenterinto——hadbeenatroubledone。Tiredofthehotbedthatgavenosleep，Iroseanddressedmyself，creptdownthecreakingstairs，experiencingthesensationsofaburglarnewtohisprofession，unboltedthegreatdoorofthehotel，andpassedoutintoanunknown，silentcity，bathedinamysterioussoftlight。Sincethen，thisstrangesweetcityofthedawnhasneverceasedtocalltome。ItmaybeinLondon，inParisagain，inBrussels，Berlin，Vienna，thatI
　　havegonetosleep，butifperchanceIwakebeforethereturningtideofhumanlifehasdimmeditsglorieswiththemistsandvapoursofthenoisyday，Iknowthatbeyondmywindowblindthefairycity，asIsawitfirstsomanyyearsago——thiscitythatknowsnotears，nosorrow，throughwhichtherecreepsnoevilthing;thiscityofquietvistas，fadingintohope;thiscityoffar—offvoiceswhisperingpeace;thiscityofthedawnthatstillisyoung——invitesmetotalkwithitawhilebeforethewakinghoursdriveitbeforethem，andwithasighitpasseswhenceitcame。
　　Itisthegreatcity’sonehourofpurity，ofdignity。Theveryrag—
　　picker，gropingwithherfilthyhandsamongtheashes，insteadofanobjectofcontempt，movesfromdoortodooranaccusingFigure，herthinsoiledgarments，herbentbody，herscarredface，hideouswiththewoundsofpoverty，aneloquentindictmentofsmugInjustice，sleepingbehinditsdeafshutters。Yetevenintoherdimbrainhassunkthepeacethatfillsforthisbriefhourthecity。This，too，shallhaveitsend，mysister！Menandwomenwerenotborntoliveonthehusksthatfillthepailsoutsidetherichman’sdoor。
　　Couragealittlewhilelonger，youandyours。Yourrheumyeyesoncewerebright，yourthinlocksoncesoftandwavy，yourpoorbentbackoncestraight;andmaybe，astheytellyouintheirgildedchurches，thisbulgingsackshallbeliftedfromyourwearyshoulders，yourmisshapenlimbsbestraightagain。Youpassnotaltogetherunheededthroughtheseemptystreets。Notalltheeyesoftheuniversearesleeping。
　　Thelittleseamstress，hurryingtoherearlywork！Alittlelatershewillbeoneofthefoolishcrowd，joininginthefoolishlaughter，inthecoarsejestsofthework—room：butasyetthehotdayhasnotclaimedher。Thework—roomisfarbeyond，thehomeofmeancaresandsordidstrugglesfarbehind。Toher，also，inthismomentarethesweetthoughtsofwomanhood。Sheputsdownherbag，restsherselfuponaseat。Ifallthedayweredawn，thiscityofthemorningalwayswithus！Aneighbouringclockchimesforththehour。Shestartsupfromherdreamandhurrieson——tothenoisywork—room。
　　Apairofloverscrossthepark，holdingeachother’shands。Theywillreturnlaterintheday，buttherewillbeanotherexpressionintheireyes，anothermeaninginthepressureoftheirhands。Nowthepurityofthemorningiswiththem。
　　Somefat，middle—agedclerkcomespuffingintoview：hisridiculouslittlefigureverypodgy。Hestopstotakeoffhishatandmophisbaldheadwithhishandkerchief：eventohimthemorninglendsromance。Hisfleshyfacechangesalmostasonelooksathim。Oneseesagaintheladwithhisvaguehopes，hisabsurdambitions。
　　ThereisastatueofAphroditeinoneofthesmallerParisparks。
　　Twiceinthesameweek，withoutparticularlymeaningit，Ifoundmyselfearlyinthemorningstandinginfrontofthisstatuegazinglistlesslyatit，asonedoeswhenindreamymood;andonbothoccasions，turningtogo，Iencounteredthesameman，alsogazingatitwith，apparently，listlesseyes。Hewasanuninterestinglookingman——possiblyhethoughtthesameofme。Fromhisdresshemighthavebeenawell—to—dotradesman，aminorGovernmentofficial，doctor，orlawyer。QuitetenyearslaterIpaidmythirdvisittothesamestatueataboutthesamehour。Thistimehewastherebeforeme。Iwashiddenfromhimbysomebushes。Heglancedroundbutdidnotseeme;andthenhedidacuriousthing。Placinghishandsonthetopofthepedestal，whichmayhavebeensomesevenfeetinheight，hedrewhimselfup，andkissedverygently，almostreverentially，thefootofthestatue，begrimedthoughitwaswiththecity’sdirt。Hadhebeensomelong—hairedstudentoftheLatinQuarteronewouldnothavebeensoastonished。Buthewassuchaverycommonplace，quiterespectablelookingman。Afterwardshedrewapipefromhispocket，carefullyfilledandlightedit，tookhisumbrellafromtheseatwhereithadbeenlying，andwalkedaway。
　　Haditbeentheirmeeting—placelongago？Hadhebeenwonttotellher，gazingatherwithlover’seyes，howlikeshewastothestatue？
　　TheFrenchsculptorhasnottoconsiderMrs。Grundy。Maybe，thelady，raisinghereyes，hadbeenconfused;perhapsforamomentangry——somelittlemillinerorgoverness，onesupposes。InFrancethejeunefilleofgoodfamilydoesnotmeetherloverunattended。
　　Whathadhappened？Orwasitbutthevagrantfancyofamiddle—agedbourgeoisseekinginimaginationtheromancethatrealitysorarelygivesus，weavinghislovedreamroundhischangelessstatue？
　　InoneofIbsen’sbittercomediestheloversagreetopartwhiletheyarestillyoung，nevertoseeeachotherinthefleshagain。Intothefutureeachwillbearawaytheimageoftheother，godlike，radiantwiththegloryofyouthandlove;eachwillcherishthememoryofalovedonewhoshallbebeautifulalways。Thattheirpartingmaynotappearsuchwildnonsenseasatfirstitstrikesus，Ibsenshowsusotherloverswhohavemarriedintheorthodoxfashion。
　　Shewasallthatamistressshouldbe。Theyspeakofherastheyfirstknewherfifteenyearsago，wheneverymanwasatherfeet。Hethenwasayoungstudent，burningwithfineideals，withenthusiasmforallthehumanities。
　　Theyenter。
　　Whatdidyouexpect？Fifteenyearshavepassed——fifteenyearsofstrugglewiththegrimrealities。Heisfatandbald。Elevenchildrenhavetobeprovidedfor。Highidealswillnotevenpaythebootmaker。Toexistyouhavetofightformeanendswithmeanweapons。Andthesweetgirlheroine！Nowtheworriedmotherofelevenbrats！OneringsdownthecurtainamidSataniclaughter。
　　Thatiswhy，foronereasonamongsomany，Ilovethismysticmorninglight。Ithasastrangepowerofrevealingthebeautythatishiddenfromusbythecoarserbeamsofthefullday。Thesewornmenandwomen，grownsofoolishlooking，sounromantic;theseartisansandpettyclerksploddingtotheirmonotonousday’swork;thesedull—eyedwomenofthepeopleontheirwaytomarkettohaggleoversous，toargueandcontendoverpaltryhandfulsoffood。Inthismagicmorninglightthedisguisingbodybecomestransparent。Theyhavegrownbeautiful，notugly，withtheyearsoftoilandhardship;theselives，livedsopatiently，areconsecratedtotheserviceoftheworld。Joy，hope，pleasure——theyhavedonewithallsuch，lifeforthemisover。Yettheylabour，ceaselessly，uncomplainingly。Itisforthechildren。
　　Onemorning，nearBrussels，Iencounteredacartoffaggots，drawnbyahoundsoleanthatstrokinghimmighthavehurtadaintyhand。I
　　wasshocked——angry，tillInoticedhisfellowbeastofburdenpushingthecartfrombehind。Suchascarecrowofanoldwoman！Therewaslittletochoosebetweenthem。Iwalkedwiththemalittleway。ShelivednearWaterloo。Alldayshegatheredwoodinthegreatforest，andstartingatthreeo’clockeachmorning，thetwoleancreaturesbetweenthemdraggedthecartninemilestoBrussels，returningwhentheyhadsoldtheirload。Withluckshemightreckononacoupleoffrancs。Iaskedherifshecouldnotfindsomethingelsetodo。
　　Yes，itwaspossible，butforthelittleone，hergrandchild。Folkswillnotemployoldwomenburdenedwithgrandchildren。
　　Youfair，daintyladies，whowouldneverknowitwasmorningifsomebodydidnotentertopulluptheblindandtellyouso！Youdowellnottoventureoutinthismagicmorninglight。Youwouldlooksoplain——almostugly，bythesideofthesebeautifulwomen。
　　ItiscurioustheattractiontheChurchhasalwayspossessedforthemarketingclasses。ChristdrovethemfromtheTemple，butstill，ineverycontinentalcity，theyclusterrounditsouterwalls。Itmakesacharmingpictureonasunnymorning，thegreatcathedralwithitsmassiveshadowformingthebackground;splashedaboutitsfeet，likeaparterreofgayflowersaroundthetrunkofsomeoldtree，thewomen，younggirlsintheirmanycolouredcostumes，sittingbeforetheirpiled—upbasketsofgreenvegetables，ofshiningfruits。
　　InBrusselsthechiefmarketisheldontheGrandePlace。Thegreatgildedhouseshavelookeddownuponmuchthesamesceneeverymorningthesefourhundredyears。Insummertimeitcommencesabouthalf—
　　pastfour;byfiveo’clockitisaroaringhive，thegreatcityroundaboutstillsleeping。