Onafineafternooninlateautumnhewasputtingsomefinishingtouchestoastudyofmeadowweedswhenhisneighbour，AdelaPingsford，assailedtheouterdoorofhisstudiowithloudperemptoryknockings。
"Thereisanoxinmygarden，"sheannounced，inexplanationofthetempestuousintrusion。
"Anox，"saidEshleyblankly，andratherfatuously；
"whatkindofox？"
"Oh，Idon'tknowwhatkind，"snappedthelady。"A
commonorgardenox，tousetheslangexpression。ItisthegardenpartofitthatIobjectto。Mygardenhasjustbeenputstraightforthewinter，andanoxroamingaboutinitwon'timprovematters。Besides，therearethechrysanthemumsjustcomingintoflower。"
"Howdiditgetintothegarden？"askedEshley。
"Iimagineitcameinbythegate，"saidtheladyimpatiently；"itcouldn'thaveclimbedthewalls，andI
don'tsupposeanyonedroppeditfromanaeroplaneasaBovriladvertisement。Theimmediatelyimportantquestionisnothowitgotin，buthowtogetitout。"
"Won'titgo？"saidEshley。
"Ifitwasanxioustogo，"saidAdelaPingsfordratherangrily，"Ishouldnothavecomeheretochatwithyouaboutit。I'mpracticallyallalone；thehousemaidishavingherafternoonoutandthecookislyingdownwithanattackofneuralgia。AnythingthatImayhavelearnedatschoolorinafterlifeabouthowtoremovealargeoxfromasmallgardenseemstohaveescapedfrommymemorynow。AllIcouldthinkofwasthatyouwereanearneighbourandacattlepainter，presumablymoreorlessfamiliarwiththesubjectsthatyoupainted，andthatyoumightbeofsomeslightassistance。PossiblyI
wasmistaken。"
"Ipaintdairycows，certainly，"admittedEshley，"butIcannotclaimtohavehadanyexperienceinrounding-upstrayoxen。I'veseenitdoneonacinemafilm，ofcourse，buttherewerealwayshorsesandlotsofotheraccessories；besides，oneneverknowshowmuchofthosepicturesarefaked。"
AdelaPingsfordsaidnothing，butledthewaytohergarden。Itwasnormallyafair-sizedgarden，butitlookedsmallincomparisonwiththeox，ahugemottledbrute，dullredabouttheheadandshoulders，passingtodirtywhiteontheflanksandhind-quarters，withshaggyearsandlargeblood-shoteyes。ItboreaboutasmuchresemblancetothedaintypaddockheifersthatEshleywasaccustomedtopaintasthechiefofaKurdishnomadclanwouldtoaJapanesetea-shopgirl。Eshleystoodverynearthegatewhilehestudiedtheanimal'sappearanceanddemeanour。AdelaPingsfordcontinuedtosaynothing。
"It'seatingachrysanthemum，"saidEshleyatlast，whenthesilencehadbecomeunbearable。
"Howobservantyouare，"saidAdelabitterly。"Youseemtonoticeeverything。Asamatteroffact，ithasgotsixchrysanthemumsinitsmouthatthepresentmoment。"
Thenecessityfordoingsomethingwasbecomingimperative。Eshleytookasteportwointhedirectionoftheanimal，clappedhishands，andmadenoisesofthe"Hish"and"Shoo"variety。Iftheoxheardthemitgavenooutwardindicationofthefact。
"Ifanyhensshouldeverstrayintomygarden，"saidAdela，"Ishouldcertainlysendforyoutofrightenthemout。You'shoo'beautifully。Meanwhile，doyoumindtryingtodrivethatoxaway？ThatisaMADEMOISELLE
LOUISEBICHOTthathe'sbegunonnow，"sheaddedinicycalm，asaglowingorangeheadwascrushedintothehugemunchingmouth。
"Sinceyouhavebeensofrankaboutthevarietyofthechrysanthemum，"saidEshley，"Idon'tmindtellingyouthatthisisanAyrshireox。"
Theicycalmbrokedown；AdelaPingsfordusedlanguagethatsenttheartistinstinctivelyafewfeetnearertotheox。Hepickedupapea-stickandflungitwithsomedeterminationagainsttheanimal'smottledflanks。TheoperationofmashingMADEMOISELLELOUISE
BICHOTintoapetalsaladwassuspendedforalongmoment，whiletheoxgazedwithconcentratedinquiryatthestick-thrower。Adelagazedwithequalconcentrationandmoreobvioushostilityatthesamefocus。AsthebeastneitherlowereditsheadnorstampeditsfeetEshleyventuredonanotherjavelinexercisewithanotherpea-stick。Theoxseemedtorealiseatoncethatitwastogo；itgaveahurriedfinalpluckatthebedwherethechrysanthemumshadbeen，andstrodeswiftlyupthegarden。Eshleyrantoheadittowardsthegate，butonlysucceededinquickeningitspacefromawalktoalumberingtrot。Withanairofinquiry，butwithnorealhesitation，itcrossedthetinystripofturfthatthecharitablecalledthecroquetlawn，andpusheditswaythroughtheopenFrenchwindowintothemorning-room。
Somechrysanthemumsandotherautumnherbagestoodabouttheroominvases，andtheanimalresumeditsbrowsingoperations；allthesame，Eshleyfanciedthatthebeginningsofahuntedlookhadcomeintoitseyes，alookthatcounselledrespect。Hediscontinuedhisattempttointerferewithitschoiceofsurroundings。
"Mr。Eshley，"saidAdelainashakingvoice，"I
askedyoutodrivethatbeastoutofmygarden，butIdidnotaskyoutodriveitintomyhouse。IfImusthaveitanywhereonthepremisesIpreferthegardentothemorning-room。"
"Cattledrivesarenotinmyline，"saidEshley；"ifIrememberItoldyousoattheoutset。""Iquiteagree，"retortedthelady，"paintingprettypicturesofprettylittlecowsiswhatyou'resuitedfor。Perhapsyou'dliketodoanicesketchofthatoxmakingitselfathomeinmymorning-room？"
Thistimeitseemedasifthewormhadturned；
Eshleybeganstridingaway。
"Whereareyougoing？"screamedAdela。
"Tofetchimplements，"wastheanswer。
"Implements？Iwon'thaveyouusealasso。Theroomwillbewreckedifthere'sastruggle。"
Buttheartistmarchedoutofthegarden。Inacoupleofminuteshereturned，ladenwitheasel，sketching-stool，andpaintingmaterials。
"Doyoumeantosaythatyou'regoingtositquietlydownandpaintthatbrutewhileit'sdestroyingmymorning-room？"gaspedAdela。
"Itwasyoursuggestion，"saidEshley，settinghiscanvasinposition。
"Iforbidit；Iabsolutelyforbidit！"stormedAdela。
"Idon'tseewhatstandingyouhaveinthematter，"
saidtheartist；"youcanhardlypretendthatit'syourox，evenbyadoption。"
"Youseemtoforgetthatit'sinmymorning-room，eatingmyflowers，"cametheragingretort。
"Youseemtoforgetthatthecookhasneuralgia，"
saidEshley；"shemaybejustdozingoffintoamercifulsleepandyouroutcrywillwakenher。Considerationforothersshouldbetheguidingprincipleofpeopleinourstationoflife。"
"Themanismad！"exclaimedAdelatragically。A
momentlateritwasAdelaherselfwhoappearedtogomad。
Theoxhadfinishedthevase-flowersandthecoverof"IsraelKalisch，"andappearedtobethinkingofleavingitsratherrestrictedquarters。EshleynoticeditsrestlessnessandpromptlyflungitsomebunchesofVirginiacreeperleavesasaninducementtocontinuethesitting。
"Iforgethowtheproverbruns，"heobserved；ofsomethingabout'betteradinnerofherbsthanastalledoxwherehateis。'Weseemtohavealltheingredientsfortheproverbreadytohand。"
"IshallgotothePublicLibraryandgetthemtotelephoneforthepolice，"announcedAdela，and，ragingaudibly，shedeparted。
Someminuteslatertheox，awakeningprobablytothesuspicionthatoilcakeandchoppedmangoldwaswaitingforitinsomeappointedbyre，steppedwithmuchprecautionoutofthemorning-room，staredwithgraveinquiryatthenolongerobtrusiveandpea-stick-throwinghuman，andthenlumberedheavilybutswiftlyoutofthegarden。Eshleypackeduphistoolsandfollowedtheanimal'sexampleand"Larkdene"waslefttoneuralgiaandthecook。
Theepisodewastheturning-pointinEshley'sartisticcareer。Hisremarkablepicture，"Oxinamorning-room，lateautumn，"wasoneofthesensationsandsuccessesofthenextParisSalon，andwhenitwassubsequentlyexhibitedatMunichitwasboughtbytheBavarianGovernment，intheteethofthespiritedbiddingofthreemeat-extractfirms。Fromthatmomenthissuccesswascontinuousandassured，andtheRoyalAcademywasthankful，twoyearslater，togiveaconspicuouspositiononitswallstohislargecanvas"BarbaryApesWreckingaBoudoir。"
EshleypresentedAdelaPingsfordwithanewcopyof"IsraelKalisch，"andacoupleoffinelyfloweringplantsofMADAMEADNREBLUSSET，butnothinginthenatureofarealreconciliationhastakenplacebetweenthem。
THESTORY-TELLER
ITwasahotafternoon，andtherailwaycarriagewascorrespondinglysultry，andthenextstopwasatTemplecombe，nearlyanhourahead。Theoccupantsofthecarriagewereasmallgirl，andasmallergirl，andasmallboy。Anauntbelongingtothechildrenoccupiedonecornerseat，andthefurthercornerseatontheoppositesidewasoccupiedbyabachelorwhowasastrangertotheirparty，butthesmallgirlsandthesmallboyemphaticallyoccupiedthecompartment。Boththeauntandthechildrenwereconversationalinalimited，persistentway，remindingoneoftheattentionsofahouseflythatrefusestobediscouraged。Mostoftheaunt'sremarksseemedtobeginwith"Don't，"andnearlyallofthechildren'sremarksbeganwith"Why？"
Thebachelorsaidnothingoutloud。"Don't，Cyril，don't，"exclaimedtheaunt，asthesmallboybegansmackingthecushionsoftheseat，producingacloudofdustateachblow。
"Comeandlookoutofthewindow，"sheadded。
Thechildmovedreluctantlytothewindow。"Whyarethosesheepbeingdrivenoutofthatfield？"heasked。
"Iexpecttheyarebeingdriventoanotherfieldwherethereismoregrass，"saidtheauntweakly。
"Butthereislotsofgrassinthatfield，"
protestedtheboy；"there'snothingelsebutgrassthere。
Aunt，there'slotsofgrassinthatfield。"
"Perhapsthegrassintheotherfieldisbetter，"
suggestedtheauntfatuously。
"Whyisitbetter？"cametheswift，inevitablequestion。
"Oh，lookatthosecows！"exclaimedtheaunt。
Nearlyeveryfieldalongthelinehadcontainedcowsorbullocks，butshespokeasthoughsheweredrawingattentiontoararity。
"Whyisthegrassintheotherfieldbetter？"
persistedCyril。
Thefrownonthebachelor'sfacewasdeepeningtoascowl。Hewasahard，unsympatheticman，theauntdecidedinhermind。Shewasutterlyunabletocometoanysatisfactorydecisionaboutthegrassintheotherfield。
Thesmallergirlcreatedadiversionbybeginningtorecite"OntheRoadtoMandalay。"Sheonlyknewthefirstline，butsheputherlimitedknowledgetothefullestpossibleuse。Sherepeatedthelineoverandoveragaininadreamybutresoluteandveryaudiblevoice；itseemedtothebachelorasthoughsomeonehadhadabetwithherthatshecouldnotrepeatthelinealoudtwothousandtimeswithoutstopping。Whoeveritwaswhohadmadethewagerwaslikelytolosehisbet。
"Comeoverhereandlistentoastory，"saidtheaunt，whenthebachelorhadlookedtwiceatherandonceatthecommunicationcord。
Thechildrenmovedlistlesslytowardstheaunt'sendofthecarriage。Evidentlyherreputationasastory-
tellerdidnotrankhighintheirestimation。
Inalow，confidentialvoice，interruptedatfrequentintervalsbyloud，petulantquestioningsfromherlisteners，shebegananunenterprisinganddeplorablyuninterestingstoryaboutalittlegirlwhowasgood，andmadefriendswitheveryoneonaccountofhergoodness，andwasfinallysavedfromamadbullbyanumberofrescuerswhoadmiredhermoralcharacter。
"Wouldn'ttheyhavesavedherifshehadn'tbeengood？"demandedthebiggerofthesmallgirls。Itwasexactlythequestionthatthebachelorhadwantedtoask。
"Well，yes，"admittedtheauntlamely，"butIdon'tthinktheywouldhaverunquitesofasttoherhelpiftheyhadnotlikedhersomuch。"
"It'sthestupideststoryI'veeverheard，"saidthebiggerofthesmallgirls，withimmenseconviction。
"Ididn'tlistenafterthefirstbit，itwassostupid，"saidCyril。
Thesmallergirlmadenoactualcommentonthestory，butshehadlongagorecommencedamurmuredrepetitionofherfavouriteline。
"Youdon'tseemtobeasuccessasastory-teller，"
saidthebachelorsuddenlyfromhiscorner。
Theauntbristledininstantdefenceatthisunexpectedattack。
"It'saverydifficultthingtotellstoriesthatchildrencanbothunderstandandappreciate，"shesaidstiffly。
"Idon'tagreewithyou，"saidthebachelor。
"Perhapsyouwouldliketotellthemastory，"wastheaunt'sretort。
"Tellusastory，"demandedthebiggerofthesmallgirls。
"Onceuponatime，"beganthebachelor，"therewasalittlegirlcalledBertha，whowasextra-ordinarilygood。"
Thechildren'smomentarily-arousedinterestbeganatoncetoflicker；allstoriesseemeddreadfullyalike，nomatterwhotoldthem。
"Shedidallthatshewastold，shewasalwaystruthful，shekeptherclothesclean，atemilkpuddingsasthoughtheywerejamtarts，learnedherlessonsperfectly，andwaspoliteinhermanners。"
"Wasshepretty？"askedthebiggerofthesmallgirls。
"Notasprettyasanyofyou，"saidthebachelor，"butshewashorriblygood。"
Therewasawaveofreactioninfavourofthestory；
thewordhorribleinconnectionwithgoodnesswasanoveltythatcommendeditself。Itseemedtointroducearingoftruththatwasabsentfromtheaunt'stalesofinfantlife。
"Shewassogood，"continuedthebachelor，"thatshewonseveralmedalsforgoodness，whichshealwayswore，pinnedontoherdress。Therewasamedalforobedience，anothermedalforpunctuality，andathirdforgoodbehaviour。Theywerelargemetalmedalsandtheyclickedagainstoneanotherasshewalked。Nootherchildinthetownwhereshelivedhadasmanyasthreemedals，soeverybodyknewthatshemustbeanextragoodchild。"
"Horriblygood，"quotedCyril。
"Everybodytalkedabouthergoodness，andthePrinceofthecountrygottohearaboutit，andhesaidthatasshewassoverygoodshemightbeallowedonceaweektowalkinhispark，whichwasjustoutsidethetown。Itwasabeautifulpark，andnochildrenwereeverallowedinit，soitwasagreathonourforBerthatobeallowedtogothere。"
"Werethereanysheepinthepark？"demandedCyril。
"No；"saidthebachelor，"therewerenosheep。"
"Whyweren'tthereanysheep？"cametheinevitablequestionarisingoutofthatanswer。
Theauntpermittedherselfasmile，whichmightalmosthavebeendescribedasagrin。
"Therewerenosheepinthepark，"saidthebachelor，"becausethePrince'smotherhadoncehadadreamthathersonwouldeitherbekilledbyasheeporelsebyaclockfallingonhim。ForthatreasonthePrinceneverkeptasheepinhisparkoraclockinhispalace。"
Theauntsuppressedagaspofadmiration。
"WasthePrincekilledbyasheeporbyaclock？"
askedCyril。
"Heisstillalive，sowecan'ttellwhetherthedreamwillcometrue，"saidthebachelorunconcernedly；
"anyway，therewerenosheepinthepark，buttherewerelotsoflittlepigsrunningallovertheplace。"
"Whatcolourwerethey？"
"Blackwithwhitefaces，whitewithblackspots，blackallover，greywithwhitepatches，andsomewerewhiteallover。"
Thestorytellerpausedtoletafullideaofthepark'streasuressinkintothechildren'simaginations；
thenheresumed：
"Berthawasrathersorrytofindthattherewerenoflowersinthepark。Shehadpromisedheraunts，withtearsinhereyes，thatshewouldnotpickanyofthekindPrince'sflowers，andshehadmeanttokeepherpromise，soofcourseitmadeherfeelsillytofindthattherewerenoflowerstopick。"
"Whyweren'tthereanyflowers？"
"Becausethepigshadeatenthemall，"saidthebachelorpromptly。"ThegardenershadtoldthePrincethatyoucouldn'thavepigsandflowers，sohedecidedtohavepigsandnoflowers。"
TherewasamurmurofapprovalattheexcellenceofthePrince'sdecision；somanypeoplewouldhavedecidedtheotherway。
"Therewerelotsofotherdelightfulthingsinthepark。Therewerepondswithgoldandblueandgreenfishinthem，andtreeswithbeautifulparrotsthatsaidcleverthingsatamoment'snotice，andhummingbirdsthathummedallthepopulartunesoftheday。Berthawalkedupanddownandenjoyedherselfimmensely，andthoughttoherself：'IfIwerenotsoextraordinarilygoodIshouldnothavebeenallowedtocomeintothisbeautifulparkandenjoyallthatthereistobeseeninit，'andherthreemedalsclinkedagainstoneanotherasshewalkedandhelpedtoremindherhowverygoodshereallywas。Justthenanenormouswolfcameprowlingintotheparktoseeifitcouldcatchafatlittlepigforitssupper。"
"Whatcolourwasit？"askedthechildren，amidanimmediatequickeningofinterest。
"Mud-colourallover，withablacktongueandpalegreyeyesthatgleamedwithunspeakableferocity。ThefirstthingthatitsawintheparkwasBertha；herpinaforewassospotlesslywhiteandcleanthatitcouldbeseenfromagreatdistance。Berthasawthewolfandsawthatitwasstealingtowardsher，andshebegantowishthatshehadneverbeenallowedtocomeintothepark。Sheranashardasshecould，andthewolfcameafterherwithhugeleapsandbounds。Shemanagedtoreachashrubberyofmyrtlebushesandshehidherselfinoneofthethickestofthebushes。Thewolfcamesniffingamongthebranches，itsblacktonguelollingoutofitsmouthanditspalegreyeyesglaringwithrage。
Berthawasterriblyfrightened，andthoughttoherself：
'IfIhadnotbeensoextraordinarilygoodIshouldhavebeensafeinthetownatthismoment。'However，thescentofthemyrtlewassostrongthatthewolfcouldnotsniffoutwhereBerthawashiding，andthebushesweresothickthathemighthavehuntedaboutinthemforalongtimewithoutcatchingsightofher，sohethoughthemightaswellgooffandcatchalittlepiginstead。
Berthawastremblingverymuchathavingthewolfprowlingandsniffingsonearher，andasshetrembledthemedalforobedienceclinkedagainstthemedalsforgoodconductandpunctuality。Thewolfwasjustmovingawaywhenheheardthesoundofthemedalsclinkingandstoppedtolisten；theyclinkedagaininabushquitenearhim。Hedashedintothebush，hispalegreyeyesgleamingwithferocityandtriumph，anddraggedBerthaoutanddevouredhertothelastmorsel。Allthatwasleftofherwerehershoes，bitsofclothing，andthethreemedalsforgoodness。"
"Wereanyofthelittlepigskilled？"
"No，theyallescaped。"
"Thestorybeganbadly，"saidthesmallerofthesmallgirls，"butithadabeautifulending。"
"ItisthemostbeautifulstorythatIeverheard，"
saidthebiggerofthesmallgirls，withimmensedecision。
"ItistheONLYbeautifulstoryIhaveeverheard，"
saidCyril。
Adissentientopinioncamefromtheaunt。
"Amostimproperstorytotelltoyoungchildren！
Youhaveunderminedtheeffectofyearsofcarefulteaching。"
"Atanyrate，"saidthebachelor，collectinghisbelongingspreparatorytoleavingthecarriage，"Ikeptthemquietfortenminutes，whichwasmorethanyouwereabletodo。"
"Unhappywoman！"heobservedtohimselfashewalkeddowntheplatformofTemplecombestation；"forthenextsixmonthsorsothosechildrenwillassailherinpublicwithdemandsforanimproperstory！"
ADEFENSIVEDIAMOND
TREDDLEFORDsatinaneasefularm-chairinfrontofaslumberousfire，withavolumeofverseinhishandandthecomfortableconsciousnessthatoutsidetheclubwindowstherainwasdrippingandpatteringwithpersistentpurpose。Achill，wetOctoberafternoonwasmergingintoableak，wetOctoberevening，andtheclubsmoking-roomseemedwarmerandcosierbycontrast。Itwasanafternoononwhichtobewaftedawayfromone'sclimaticsurroundings，and"TheGoldenjourneytoSamarkand"promisedtobearTreddlefordwellandbravelyintootherlandsandunderotherskies。HehadalreadymigratedfromLondontherain-swepttoBagdadtheBeautiful，andstoodbytheSunGate"intheoldentime"
whenanicybreathofimminentannoyanceseemedtocreepbetweenthebookandhimself。Amblecope，themanwiththerestless，prominenteyesandthemouthreadymobilisedforconversationalopenings，hadplantedhimselfinaneighbouringarm-chair。ForatwelvemonthandsomeoddweeksTreddlefordhadskilfullyavoidedmakingtheacquaintanceofhisvolublefellow-clubman；hehadmarvellouslyescapedfromtheinflictionofhisrelentlessrecordoftediouspersonalachievements，orallegedachievements，ongolflinks，turf，andgamingtable，byfloodandfieldandcovert-side。Nowhisseasonofimmunitywascomingtoanend。Therewasnoescape；inanothermomenthewouldbenumberedamongthosewhoknewAmblecopetospeakto-orrather，tosufferbeingspokento。
TheintruderwasarmedwithacopyofCOUNTRYLIFE，notforpurposesofreading，butasanaidtoconversationalice-breaking。
"RatheragoodportraitofThrostlewing，"heremarkedexplosively，turninghislargechallengingeyesonTreddleford；"somehowitremindsmeverymuchofYellowstep，whowassupposedtobesuchagoodthingfortheGrandPrixin1903。Curiousracethatwas；IsupposeI'veseeneveryracefortheGrandPrixforthelast-"
"BekindenoughnevertomentiontheGrandPrixinmyhearing，"saidTreddleforddesperately；"itawakensacutelydistressingmemories。Ican'texplainwhywithoutgoingintoalongandcomplicatedstory。"
"Oh，certainly，certainly，"saidAmblecopehastily；
longandcomplicatedstoriesthatwerenottoldbyhimselfwereabominableinhiseyes。HeturnedthepagesofCOUNTRYLIFEandbecamespuriouslyinterestedinthepictureofaMongolianpheasant。
"NotabadrepresentationoftheMongolianvariety，"
heexclaimed，holdingitupforhisneighbour'sinspection。"Theydoverywellinsomecovers。Takesomestoppingtoo，oncethey'refairlyonthewing。I
supposethebiggestbagIevermadeintwosuccessivedays-"
"Myaunt，whoownsthegreaterpartofLincolnshire，"brokeinTreddleford，withdramaticabruptness，"possessesperhapsthemostremarkablerecordinthewayofapheasantbagthathaseverbeenachieved。
Sheisseventy-fiveandcan'thitathing，butshealwaysgoesoutwiththeguns。WhenIsayshecan'thitathing，Idon'tmeantosaythatshedoesn'toccasionallyendangerthelivesofherfellow-guns，becausethatwouldn'tbetrue。Infact，thechiefGovernmentWhipwon'tallowMinisterialM。P。'stogooutwithher；'Wedon'twanttoincurby-electionsneedlessly，'hequitereasonablyobserved。Well，theotherdayshewingedapheasant，andbroughtittoearthwithafeatherortwoknockedoutofit；itwasarunner，andmyauntsawherselfindangerofbeingdoneoutofabouttheonlybirdshe'dhitduringthepresentreign。Ofcourseshewasn'tgoingtostandthat；shefolloweditthroughbrackenandbrushwood，andwhenittooktotheopencountryandstartedacrossaploughedfieldshejumpedontotheshootingponyandwentafterit。Thechasewasalongone，andwhenmyauntatlastranthebirdtoastandstillshewasnearerhomethanshewastotheshootingparty；shehadleftthatsomefivemilesbehindher。"
"Ratheralongrunforawoundedpheasant，"snappedAmblecope。
"Thestoryrestsonmyaunt'sauthority，"saidTreddlefordcoldly，"andsheislocalvice-presidentoftheYoungWomen'sChristianAssociation。Shetrottedthreemilesorsotoherhome，anditwasnottillthemiddleoftheafternoonthatitwasdiscoveredthatthelunchfortheentireshootingpartywasinapannierattachedtothepony'ssaddle。Anyway，shegotherbird。"
"Somebirds，ofcourse，takealotofkilling，"saidAmblecope；"sodosomefish。IrememberonceIwasfishingintheExe，lovelytroutstream，lotsoffish，thoughtheydon'truntoanygreatsize-"
"Oneofthemdid，"announcedTreddleford，withemphasis。"Myuncle，theBishopofSouthmolton，cameacrossagianttroutinapooljustoffthemainstreamoftheExenearUgworthy；hetrieditwitheverykindofflyandwormeverydayforthreeweekswithoutanatomofsuccess，andthenFateintervenedonhisbehalf。Therewasalowstonebridgejustoverthispool，andonthelastdayofhisfishingholidayamotorvanranviolentlyintotheparapetandturnedcompletelyover；noonewashurt，butpartoftheparapetwasknockedaway，andtheentireloadthatthevanwascarryingwaspitchedoverandfellalittlewayintothepool。Inacoupleofminutesthegianttroutwasflappingandtwistingonbaremudatthebottomofawaterlesspool，andmyunclewasabletowalkdowntohimandfoldhimtohisbreast。Thevan-loadconsistedofblotting-paper，andeverydropofwaterinthatpoolhadbeensuckedupintothemassofspiltcargo。"
Therewassilencefornearlyhalfaminuteinthesmoking-room，andTreddlefordbegantolethismindstealbacktowardsthegoldenroadthatledtoSamarkand。
Amblecope，however，rallied，andremarkedinarathertiredanddispiritedvoice：
"Talkingofmotoraccidents，thenarrowestsqueakI
everhadwastheotherday，motoringwitholdTommyYarbyinNorthWales。Awfullygoodsort，oldYarby，thoroughgoodsportsman，andthebest-"
"ItwasinNorthWales，"saidTreddleford，"thatmysistermetwithhersensationalcarriageaccidentlastyear。Shewasonherwaytoagarden-partyatLadyNineveh's，abouttheonlygarden-partythatevercomestopassinthosepartsinthecourseoftheyear，andthereforeathingthatshewouldhavebeenverysorrytomiss。Shewasdrivingayounghorsethatshe'donlyboughtaweekortwopreviously，warrantedtobeperfectlysteadywithmotortraffic，bicycles，andothercommonobjectsoftheroadside。Theanimalliveduptoitsreputation，andpassedthemostexplosiveofmotor-
bikeswithanindifferencethatalmostamountedtoapathy。However，Isupposewealldrawthelinesomewhere，andthisparticularcobdrewitattravellingwildbeastshows。Ofcoursemysisterdidn'tknowthat，butsheknewitverydistinctlywhensheturnedasharpcornerandfoundherselfinamixedcompanyofcamels，piebaldhorses，andcanary-colouredvans。Thedogcartwasoverturnedinaditchandkickedtosplinters，andthecobwenthomeacrosscountry。Neithermysisternorthegroomwashurt，buttheproblemofhowtogettotheNinevehgarden-party，somethreemilesdistant，seemedratherdifficulttosolve；oncethere，ofcourse，mysisterwouldeasilyfindsomeonetodriveherhome。'I
supposeyouwouldn'tcarefortheloanofacoupleofmycamels？'theshowmansuggested，inhumoroussympathy。'
Iwould，'saidmysister，whohadriddencamel-backinEgypt，andsheoverruledtheobjectionsofthegroom，whohadn't。Shepickedouttwoofthemostpresentable-
lookingofthebeastsandhadthemdustedandmadeastidyaswaspossibleatshortnotice，andsetoutfortheNinevehmansion。Youmayimaginethesensationthathersmallbutimposingcaravancreatedwhenshearrivedatthehalldoor。Theentiregarden-partyflockeduptogape。Mysisterwasrathergladtoslipdownfromhercamel，andthegroomwasthankfultoscrambledownfromhis。ThenyoungBillyDoulton，oftheDragoonGuards，whohasbeenalotatAdenandthinksheknowscamel-
languagebackwards，thoughthewouldshowoffbymakingthebeastskneeldowninorthodoxfashion。Unfortunatelycamelwords-of-commandarenotthesamealltheworldover；theseweremagnificentTurkestancamels，accustomedtostrideupthestonyterracesofmountainpasses，andwhenDoultonshoutedatthemtheywentsidebysideupthefrontsteps，intotheentrancehall，andupthegrandstaircase。TheGermangovernessmetthemjustattheturnofthecorridor。TheNinevehsnursedherwithdevotedattentionforweeks，andwhenIlastheardfromthemshewaswellenoughtogoaboutherdutiesagain，butthedoctorsaysshewillalwayssufferfromHagenbeckheart。"
Amblecopegotupfromhischairandmovedtoanotherpartoftheroom。TreddlefordreopenedhisbookandbetookhimselfoncemoreacrossThedragon-green，theluminous，thedark，theserpent-hauntedsea。
Forablessedhalf-hourhedisportedhimselfinimaginationbythe"gayAleppo-Gate，"andlistenedtothebird-voicedsinging-man。Thentheworldofto-daycalledhimback；apagesummonedhimtospeakwithafriendonthetelephone。
AsTreddlefordwasabouttopassoutoftheroomheencounteredAmblecope，alsopassingout，onhiswaytothebilliard-room，where，perchance，somelucklesswightmightbesecuredandheldfasttolistentothenumberofhisattendancesattheGrandPrix，withsubsequentremarksonNewmarketandtheCambridgeshire。Amblecopemadeasiftopassoutfirst，butanew-bornpridewassurginginTreddleford'sbreastandhewavedhimback。
"IbelieveItakeprecedence，"hesaidcoldly；"youaremerelytheclubBore；IamtheclubLiar。"
THEELK
TERESA，Mrs。Thropplestance，wastherichestandmostintractableoldwomaninthecountyofWoldshire。
InherdealingswiththeworldingeneralhermannersuggestedablendbetweenaMistressoftheRobesandaMasterofFoxhounds，withthevocabularyofboth。Inherdomesticcircleshecomportedherselfinthearbitrarystylethatoneattributes，probablywithouttheleastjustification，toanAmericanpoliticalBossinthebosomofhiscaucus。ThelateTheodoreThropplestancehadlefther，somethirty-fiveyearsago，inabsolutepossessionofaconsiderablefortune，alargelandedproperty，andagalleryfullofvaluablepictures。Inthoseinterveningyearsshehadoutlivedhersonandquarrelledwithhereldergrandson，whohadmarriedwithoutherconsentorapproval。BertieThropplestance，heryoungergrandson，wastheheir-designatetoherproperty，andassuchhewasacentreofinterestandconcerntosomehalf-hundredambitiousmotherswithdaughtersofmarriageableage。
Bertiewasanamiable，easy-goingyoungman，whowasquitereadytomarryanyonewhowasfavourablyrecommendedtohisnotice，buthewasnotgoingtowastehistimeinfallinginlovewithanyonewhowouldcomeunderhisgrandmother'sveto。ThefavourablerecommendationwouldhavetocomefromMrs。
Thropplestance。
Teresa'shouse-partieswerealwaysroundedoffwithaplentifulgarnishingofpresentableyoungwomenandalert，attendantmothers，buttheoldladywasemphaticallydiscouragingwheneveranyoneofhergirlguestsbecameatalllikelytooutbidtheothersasapossiblegranddaughter-in-law。Itwastheinheritanceofherfortuneandestatethatwasinquestion，andshewasevidentlydisposedtoexerciseandenjoyherpowersofselectionandrejectiontotheutmost。Bertie'spreferencesdidnotgreatlymatter；hewasofthesortwhocanbestolidlyhappywithanykindofwife；hehadcheerfullyputupwithhisgrandmotherallhislife，sowasnotlikelytofretandfumeoveranythingthatmightbefallhiminthewayofahelpmate。
ThepartythatgatheredunderTeresa'sroofinChristmasweekoftheyearnineteen-hundred-and-somethingwasofsmallerproportionsthanusual，andMrs。Yonelet，whoformedoneoftheparty，wasinclinedtodeducehopefulauguryfromthiscircumstance。DoraYoneletandBertieweresoobviouslymadeforoneanother，sheconfidedtothevicar'swife，andiftheoldladywereaccustomedtoseeingthemaboutalottogethershemightadopttheviewthattheywouldmakeasuitablemarriedcouple。
"Peoplesoongetusedtoanideaifitisdangledconstantlybeforetheireyes，"saidMrs。Yonelethopefully，"andthemoreoftenTeresaseesthoseyoungpeopletogether，happyineachother'scompany，themoreshewillgettotakeakindlyinterestinDoraasapossibleanddesirablewifeforBertie。"
"Mydear，"saidthevicar'swiferesignedly，"myownSybilwasthrowntogetherwithBertieunderthemostromanticcircumstances-I'lltellyouaboutitsomeday-butitmadenoimpressionwhateveronTeresa；sheputherfootdowninthemostuncompromisingfashion，andSybilmarriedanIndiancivilian。"
"Quiterightofher，"saidMrs。Yoneletwithvagueapproval；"it'swhatanygirlofspiritwouldhavedone。
Still，thatwasayearortwoago，Ibelieve；Bertieisoldernow，andsoisTeresa。Naturallyshemustbeanxioustoseehimsettled。"
Thevicar'swifereflectedthatTeresaseemedtobetheonepersonwhoshowednoimmediateanxietytosupplyBertiewithawife，butshekeptthethoughttoherself。
Mrs。Yoneletwasawomanofresourcefulenergyandgeneralship；sheinvolvedtheothermembersofthehouse-
party，thedeadweight，sotospeak，inallmannerofexercisesandoccupationsthatsegregatedthemfromBertieandDora，whowerelefttotheirowndevisings-
thatistosay，toDora'sdevisingsandBertie'saccommodatingacquiescence。DorahelpedintheChristmasdecorationsoftheparishchurch，andBertiehelpedhertohelp。Togethertheyfedtheswans，tillthebirdswentonadyspepsia-strike，togethertheyplayedbilliards，togethertheyphotographedthevillagealmshouses，and，atarespectfuldistance，thetameelkthatbrowsedinsolitaryaloofnessinthepark。Itwas"tame"inthesensethatithadlongagodiscardedtheleastvestigeoffearofthehumanrace；nothinginitsrecordencourageditshumanneighbourstofeelareciprocalconfidence。
WhateversportorexerciseoroccupationBertieandDoraindulgedintogetherwasunfailinglychronicledandadvertisedbyMrs。YoneletforthedueenlightenmentofBertie'sgrandmother。
"Thosetwoinseparableshavejustcomeinfromabicycleride，"shewouldannounce；"quiteapicturetheymake，sofreshandglowingaftertheirspin。"
"Apictureneedingwords，"wouldbeTeresa'sprivatecomment，andasfarasBertiewasconcernedshewasdeterminedthatthewordsshouldremainunspoken。
OntheafternoonafterChristmasDayMrs。Yoneletdashedintothedrawing-room，whereherhostesswassittingamidacircleofguestsandteacupsandmuffin-
dishes。Fatehadplacedwhatseemedlikeatrump-cardinthehandsofthepatiently-manoeuvringmother。Witheyesblazingwithexcitementandavoiceheavilyescortedwithexclamationmarksshemadeadramaticannouncement。
"BertiehassavedDorafromtheelk！"
Inswift，excitedsentences，brokenwithmaternalemotion，shegavesupplementaryinformationastohowthetreacherousanimalhadambushedDoraasshewashuntingforastrayedgolfball，andhowBertiehaddashedtoherrescuewithastableforkanddriventhebeastoffinthenickoftime。
"Itwastouchandgo！Shethrewherniblickatit，butthatdidn'tstopit。Inanothermomentshewouldhavebeencrushedbeneathitshoofs，"pantedMrs。
Yonelet。
"Theanimalisnotsafe，"saidTeresa，handingheragitatedguestacupoftea。"Iforgetifyoutakesugar。Isupposethesolitarylifeitleadshassoureditstemper。Therearemuffinsinthegrate。It'snotmyfault；I'vetriedtogetitamateforeversolong。Youdon'tknowofanyonewithaladyelkforsaleorexchange，doyou？"sheaskedthecompanygenerally。
ButMrs。Yoneletwasinnohumourtolistentotalkofelkmarriages。Thematingoftwohumanbeingswasthesubjectuppermostinhermind，andtheopportunityforadvancingherpetprojectwastoovaluabletobeneglected。
"Teresa，"sheexclaimedimpressively，"afterthosetwoyoungpeoplehavebeenthrowntogethersodramatically，nothingcanbequitethesameagainbetweenthem。BertiehasdonemorethansaveDora'slife；hehasearnedheraffection。OnecannothelpfeelingthatFatehasconsecratedthemforoneanother。"
"Exactlywhatthevicar'swifesaidwhenBertiesavedSybilfromtheelkayearortwoago，"observedTeresaplacidly；"IpointedouttoherthathehadrescuedMirabelHicksfromthesamepredicementafewmonthspreviously，andthatpriorityreallybelongedtothegardener'sboy，whohadbeenrescuedintheJanuaryofthatyear。Thereisagooddealofsamenessincountrylife，youknow。"
"Itseemstobeaverydangerousanimal，"saidoneoftheguests。
"That'swhatthemotherofthegardener'sboysaid，"
remarkedTeresa；"shewantedmetohaveitdestroyed，butIpointedouttoherthatshehadelevenchildrenandI
hadonlyoneelk。Ialsogaveherablacksilkskirt；
shesaidthatthoughtherehadn'tbeenafuneralinherfamilyshefeltasiftherehadbeen。Anyhow，wepartedfriends。Ican'tofferyouasilkskirt，Emily，butyoumayhaveanothercupoftea。AsIhavealreadyremarked，therearemuffinsinthegrate。"
Teresadosedthediscussion，havingdeftlyconveyedtheimpressionthatsheconsideredthemotherofthegardener'sboyhadshownafarmorereasonablespiritthantheparentsofotherelk-assaultedvictims。
"Teresaisdevoidoffeeling，"saidMrs。Yoneletafterwardstothevicar'swife；"tositthere，talkingofmuffins，withanappallingtragedyonlynarrowlyaverted-"
"OfcourseyouknowwhomshereallyintendsBertietomarry？"askedthevicar'swife；"I'venoticeditforsometime。TheBickelbys'Germangoverness。"
"AGermangoverness！Whatanidea！"gaspedMrs。
Yonelet。
"She'sofquitegoodfamily，Ibelieve，"saidthevicar'swife，"andnotatallthemouse-in-the-back-
groundsortofpersonthatgovernessesareusuallysupposedtobe。Infact，nexttoTeresa，she'saboutthemostassertiveandcombativepersonalityintheneighbourhood。She'spointedouttomyhusbandallsortsoferrorsinhissermons，andshegaveSirLaurenceapubliclectureonhowheoughttohandlethehounds。YouknowhowsensitiveSirLaurenceisaboutanycriticismofhisMastership，andtohaveagovernesslayingdownthelawtohimnearlydrovehimintoafit。She'sbehavedlikethattoeveryone，except，ofcourse，Teresa，andeveryonehasbeendefensivelyrudetoherinreturn。
TheBickelbysaresimplytooafraidofhertogetridofher。Nowisn'tthatexactlythesortofwomanwhomTeresawouldtakeadelightininstallingashersuccessor？ImaginethediscomfortandawkwardnessinthecountyifwesuddenlyfoundthatshewastobethefuturehostessattheHall。Teresa'sonlyregretwillbethatshewon'tbealivetoseeit。"
"But，"objectedMrs。Yonelet，"surelyBertiehasn'tshowntheleastsignofbeingattractedinthatquarter？"
"Oh，she'squitenice-lookinginaway，anddresseswell，andplaysagoodgameoftennis。SheoftencomesacrosstheparkwithmessagesfromtheBickelbymansion，andoneofthesedaysBertiewillrescueherfromtheelk，whichhasbecomealmostahabitwithhim，andTeresawillsaythatFatehasconsecratedthemtooneanother。
BertiemightnotbedisposedtopaymuchattentiontotheconsecrationsofFate，buthewouldnotdreamofopposinghisgrandmother。"
Thevicar'swifespokewiththequietauthorityofonewhohasintuitiveknowledge，andinherheartofheartsMrs。Yoneletbelievedher。
Sixmonthslatertheelkhadtobedestroyed。InafitofexceptionalmorosenessithadkilledtheBickelbys'Germangoverness。Itwasanironyofitsfatethatitshouldachievepopularityinthelastmomentsofitscareer；atanyrate，itestablished，therecordofbeingtheonlylivingthingthathadpermanentlythwartedTeresaThropplestance'splans。
DoraYoneletbrokeoffherengagementwithanIndiancivilian，andmarriedBertiethreemonthsafterhisgrandmother'sdeath-TeresadidnotlongsurvivetheGermangovernessfiasco。AtChristmastimeeveryyearyoungMrs。Thropplestancehangsanextralargefestoonofevergreensontheelkhornsthatdecoratethehall。
"Itwasafearsomebeast，"sheobservestoBertie，"butIalwaysfeelthatitwasinstrumentalinbringingustogether。"
Which，ofcourse，wastrue。
"DOWNPENS"
"HAVEyouwrittentothanktheFroplinsonsforwhattheysentus？"askedEgbert。
"No，"saidJanetta，withanoteoftireddefianceinhervoice；"I'vewrittenelevenlettersto-dayexpressingsurpriseandgratitudeforsundryunmeritedgifts，butI
haven'twrittentotheFroplinsons。"
"Someonewillhavetowritetothem，"saidEgbert。
"Idon'tdisputethenecessity，butIdon'tthinkthesomeoneshouldbeme，"saidJanetta。"Iwouldn'tmindwritingaletterofangryrecriminationorheartlesssatiretosomesuitablerecipient；infact，Ishouldratherenjoyit，butI'vecometotheendofmycapacityforexpressingservileamiability。Elevenlettersto-dayandnineyesterday，allcouchedinthesamestrainofecstaticthankfulness：really，youcan'texpectmetositdowntoanother。Thereissuchathingaswritingoneselfout。"
"I'vewrittennearlyasmany，"saidEgbert，"andI'vehadmyusualbusinesscorrespondencetogetthrough，too。Besides，Idon'tknowwhatitwasthattheFroplinsonssentus。"
"AWilliamtheConquerorcalendar，"saidJanetta，"withaquotationofoneofhisgreatthoughtsforeverydayintheyear。"
"Impossible，"saidEgbert；"hedidn'thavethreehundredandsixty-fivethoughtsinthewholeofhislife，or，ifhedid，hekeptthemtohimself。Hewasamanofaction，notofintrospection。"
"Well，itwasWilliamWordsworth，then，"saidJanetta；"IknowWilliamcameintoitsomewhere。"
"Thatsoundsmoreprobable，"saidEgbert；"well，let'scollaborateonthisletterofthanksandgetitdone。I'lldictate，andyoucanscribbleitdown。'DearMrs。Froplinson-thankyouandyourhusbandsomuchfortheveryprettycalendaryousentus。Itwasverygoodofyoutothinkofus。'"
"Youcan'tpossiblysaythat，"saidJanetta，layingdownherpen。
"It'swhatIalwaysdosay，andwhateveryonesaystome，"protestedEgbert。
"Wesentthemsomethingonthetwenty-second，"saidJanetta，"sotheysimplyHADtothinkofus。Therewasnogettingawayfromit。"
"Whatdidwesendthem？"askedEgbertgloomily。
"Bridge-markers，"saidJanetta，"inacardboardcase，withsomeinanityabout'diggingforfortunewitharoyalspade'emblazonedonthecover。ThemomentIsawitintheshopIsaidtomyself'Froplinsons'andtotheattendant'Howmuch？'Whenhesaid'Ninepence，'Igavehimtheiraddress，jabbedourcardin，paidtenpenceorelevenpencetocoverthepostage，andthankedheaven。
Withlesssincerityandinfinitelymoretroubletheyeventuallythankedme。"
"TheFroplinsonsdon'tplaybridge，"saidEgbert。
"Oneisnotsupposedtonoticesocialdeformitiesofthatsort，"saidJanetta；"itwouldn'tbepolite。
Besides，whattroubledidtheytaketofindoutwhetherwereadWordsworthwithgladness？ForalltheykneworcaredwemightbefranticallyembeddedinthebeliefthatallpoetrybeginsandendswithJohnMasefield，anditmightinfuriateordepressustohaveadailysampleofWordsworthianproductsflungatus。"
"Well，let'sgetonwiththeletterofthanks，"saidEgbert。
"Proceed，"saidJanetta。
"'HowcleverofyoutoguessthatWordsworthisourfavouritepoet，'"dictatedEgbert。
AgainJanettalaiddownherpen。
"Doyourealisewhatthatmeans？"sheasked；"aWordsworthbookletnextChristmas，andanothercalendartheChristmasafter，withthesameproblemofhavingtowritesuitablelettersofthankfulness。No，thebestthingtodoistodropallfurtherallusiontothecalendarandswitchoffontosomeothertopic。"
"Butwhatothertopic？"
"Oh，somethinglikethis：'WhatdoyouthinkoftheNewYearHonoursList？Afriendofoursmadesuchacleverremarkwhenhereadit。'Thenyoucanstickinanyremarkthatcomesintoyourhead；itneedn'tbeclever。TheFroplinsonswon'tknowwhetheritisorisn't。"
"Wedon'tevenknowonwhichsidetheyareinpolitics，"objectedEgbert；"andanyhowyoucan'tsuddenlydismissthesubjectofthecalendar。Surelytheremustbesomeintelligentremarkthatcanbemadeaboutit。"
"Well，wecan'tthinkofone，"saidJanettawearily；
"thefactis，we'vebothwrittenourselvesout。Heavens！
I'vejustrememberedMrs。StephenLudberry。Ihaven'tthankedherforwhatshesent。"
"Whatdidshesend？"
"Iforget；Ithinkitwasacalendar。"
Therewasalongsilence，theforlornsilenceofthosewhoarebereftofhopeandhavealmostceasedtocare。
PresentlyEgbertstartedfromhisseatwithanairofresolution。Thelightofbattlewasinhiseyes。
"Letmecometothewriting-table，"heexclaimed。
"Gladly，"saidJanetta。"AreyougoingtowritetoMrs。LudberryortheFroplinsons？"
"Toneither，"saidEgbert，drawingastackofnotepapertowardshim；"I'mgoingtowritetotheeditorofeveryenlightenedandinfluentialnewspaperintheKingdom，I'mgoingtosuggestthatthereshouldbeasortofepistolaryTruceofGodduringthefestivitiesofChristmasandNewYear。Fromthetwenty-fourthofDecembertothethirdorfourthofJanuaryitshallbeconsideredanoffenceagainstgoodsenseandgoodfeelingtowriteorexpectanyletterorcommunicationthatdoesnotdealwiththenecessaryeventsofthemoment。
Answerstoinvitations，arrangementsabouttrains，renewalofclubsubscriptions，and，ofcourse，alltheordinaryeverydayaffairsofbusiness，sickness，engagingnewcooks，andsoforth，thesewillbedealtwithintheusualmannerassomethinginevitable，alegitimatepartofourdailylife。Butallthedevastatingaccretionsofcorrespondence，incidenttothefestiveseason，theseshouldbesweptawaytogivetheseasonachanceofbeingreallyfestive，atimeofuntroubled，unpunctuatedpeaceandgoodwill。"
"Butyouwouldhavetomakesomeacknowledgmentofpresentsreceived，"objectedJanetta；"otherwisepeoplewouldneverknowwhethertheyhadarrivedsafely。"
"Ofcourse，Ihavethoughtofthat，"saidEgbert；
"everypresentthatwassentoffwouldbeaccompaniedbyaticketbearingthedateofdispatchandthesignatureofthesender，andsomeconventionalhieroglyphictoshowthatitwasintendedtobeaChristmasorNewYeargift；
therewouldbeacounterfoilwithspacefortherecipient'snameandthedateofarrival，andallyouwouldhavetodowouldbetosignanddatethecounterfoil，addaconventionalhieroglyphicindicatingheartfeltthanksandgratifiedsurprise，putthethingintoanenvelopeandpostit。"
"Itsoundsdelightfullysimple，"saidJanettawistfully，"butpeoplewouldconsiderittoocut-and-
dried，tooperfunctory。"