PREFACE
IhavecarefullycollectedwhateverIhavebeenabletolearnofthestoryofpoorWerther,andherepresentittoyou,knowingthatyouwillthankmeforit。Tohisspiritandcharacteryoucannotrefuseyouradmirationandlove:tohisfateyouwillnotdenyyourtears。
Andthou,goodsoul,whosufferestthesamedistressasheenduredonce,drawcomfortfromhissorrows;andletthislittlebookbethyfriend,if,owingtofortuneorthroughthineownfault,thoucanstnotfindadearercompanion。
BOOKI
MAY4。
HowhappyIamthatIamgone!Mydearfriend,whatathingistheheartofman!Toleaveyou,fromwhomIhavebeeninseparable,whomIlovesodearly,andyettofeelhappy!Iknowyouwillforgiveme。Havenototherattachmentsbeenspeciallyappointedbyfatetotormentaheadlikemine?PoorLeonora!andyetIwasnottoblame。Wasitmyfault,that,whilstthepeculiarcharmsofhersisteraffordedmeanagreeableentertainment,apassionformewasengenderedinherfeebleheart?AndyetamIwhollyblameless?DidInotencourageheremotions?DidInotfeelcharmedatthosetrulygenuineexpressionsofnature,which,thoughbutlittlemirthfulinreality,sooftenamusedus?DidInot——
butoh!whatisman,thathedaressotoaccusehimself?MydearfriendIpromiseyouIwillimprove;Iwillnolonger,ashaseverbeenmyhabit,continuetoruminateoneverypettyvexationwhichfortunemaydispense;Iwillenjoythepresent,andthepastshallbeformethepast。Nodoubtyouareright,mybestoffriends,therewouldbefarlesssufferingamongstmankind,ifmen——andGodknowswhytheyaresofashioned——didnotemploytheirimaginationssoassiduouslyinrecallingthememoryofpastsorrow,insteadofbearingtheirpresentlotwithequanimity。BekindenoughtoinformmymotherthatIshallattendtoherbusinesstothebestofmyability,andshallgivehertheearliestinformationaboutit。Ihaveseenmyaunt,andfindthatsheisveryfarfrombeingthedisagreeablepersonourfriendsallegehertobe。Sheisalively,cheerfulwoman,withthebestofhearts。Iexplainedtohermymother’swrongswithregardtothatpartofherportionwhichhasbeenwithheldfromher。Shetoldmethemotivesandreasonsofherownconduct,andthetermsonwhichsheiswillingtogiveupthewhole,andtodomorethanwehaveasked。Inshort,Icannotwritefurtheruponthissubjectatpresent;onlyassuremymotherthatallwillgoonwell。AndIhaveagainobserved,mydearfriend,inthistriflingaffair,thatmisunderstandingsandneglectoccasionmoremischiefintheworldthanevenmaliceandwickedness。Atallevents,thetwolatterareoflessfrequentoccurrence。
InotherrespectsIamverywelloffhere。Solitudeinthisterrestrialparadiseisagenialbalmtomymind,andtheyoungspringcheerswithitsbounteouspromisesmyoftentimesmisgivingheart。Everytree,everybush,isfullofflowers;andonemightwishhimselftransformedintoabutterfly,tofloataboutinthisoceanofperfume,andfindhiswholeexistenceinit。
Thetownitselfisdisagreeable;butthen,allaround,youfindaninexpressiblebeautyofnature。ThisinducedthelateCountMtolayoutagardenononeoftheslopinghillswhichhereintersecteachotherwiththemostcharmingvariety,andformthemostlovelyvalleys。Thegardenissimple;anditiseasytoperceive,evenuponyourfirstentrance,thattheplanwasnotdesignedbyascientificgardener,butbyamanwhowishedtogivehimselfupheretotheenjoymentofhisownsensitiveheart。ManyatearhaveIalreadyshedtothememoryofitsdepartedmasterinasummer-housewhichisnowreducedtoruins,butwashisfavouriteresort,andnowismine。Ishallsoonbemasteroftheplace。
Thegardenerhasbecomeattachedtomewithinthelastfewdays,andhewilllosenothingthereby。
MAY10。
Awonderfulserenityhastakenpossessionofmyentiresoul,likethesesweetmorningsofspringwhichIenjoywithmywholeheart。
Iamalone,andfeelthecharmofexistenceinthisspot,whichwascreatedfortheblissofsoulslikemine。Iamsohappy,mydearfriend,soabsorbedintheexquisitesenseofmeretranquilexistence,thatIneglectmytalents。Ishouldbeincapableofdrawingasinglestrokeatthepresentmoment;andyetIfeelthatIneverwasagreaterartistthannow。When,whilethelovelyvalleyteemswithvapouraroundme,andthemeridiansunstrikestheuppersurfaceoftheimpenetrablefoliageofmytrees,andbutafewstraygleamsstealintotheinnersanctuary,Ithrowmyselfdownamongthetallgrassbythetricklingstream;and,asIlieclosetotheearth,athousandunknownplantsarenoticedbyme:whenIhearthebuzzofthelittleworldamongthestalks,andgrowfamiliarwiththecountlessindescribableformsoftheinsectsandflies,thenIfeelthepresenceoftheAlmighty,whoformedusinhisownimage,andthebreathofthatuniversallovewhichbearsandsustainsus,asitfloatsaroundusinaneternityofbliss;andthen,myfriend,whendarknessoverspreadsmyeyes,andheavenandearthseemtodwellinmysoulandabsorbitspower,liketheformofabelovedmistress,thenIoftenthinkwithlonging,Oh,wouldIcoulddescribetheseconceptions,couldimpressuponpaperallthatislivingsofullandwarmwithinme,thatitmightbethemirrorofmysoul,asmysoulisthemirroroftheinfiniteGod!Omyfriend——butitistoomuchformystrength——Isinkundertheweightofthesplendourofthesevisions!
MAY12。
Iknownotwhethersomedeceitfulspiritshauntthisspot,orwhetheritbethewarm,celestialfancyinmyownheartwhichmakeseverythingaroundmeseemlikeparadise。Infrontofthehouseisafountain,——afountaintowhichIamboundbyacharmlikeMelusinaandhersisters。Descendingagentleslope,youcometoanarch,where,sometwentystepslowerdown,wateroftheclearestcrystalgushesfromthemarblerock。Thenarrowwallwhichenclosesitabove,thetalltreeswhichencirclethespot,andthecoolnessoftheplaceitself,——everythingimpartsapleasantbutsublimeimpression。NotadaypassesonwhichIdonotspendanhourthere。Theyoungmaidenscomefromthetowntofetchwater,——innocentandnecessaryemployment,andformerlytheoccupationofthedaughtersofkings。AsItakemyrestthere,theideaoftheoldpatriarchallifeisawakenedaroundme。Iseethem,ouroldancestors,howtheyformedtheirfriendshipsandcontractedalliancesatthefountain-side;andIfeelhowfountainsandstreamswereguardedbybeneficentspirits。Hewhoisastrangertothesesensationshasneverreallyenjoyedcoolreposeatthesideofafountainafterthefatigueofawearysummerday。
MAY13。
Youaskifyoushallsendmebooks。Mydearfriend,Ibeseechyou,fortheloveofGod,relievemefromsuchayoke!Ineednomoretobeguided,agitated,heated。Myheartfermentssufficientlyofitself。Iwantstrainstolullme,andIfindthemtoperfectioninmyHomer。OftendoIstrivetoallaytheburningfeverofmyblood;andyouhaveneverwitnessedanythingsounsteady,souncertain,asmyheart。ButneedIconfessthistoyou,mydearfriend,whohavesooftenenduredtheanguishofwitnessingmysuddentransitionsfromsorrowtoimmoderatejoy,andfromsweetmelancholytoviolentpassions?Itreatmypoorheartlikeasickchild,andgratifyitseveryfancy。Donotmentionthisagain:
therearepeoplewhowouldcensuremeforit。
MAY15。
Thecommonpeopleoftheplaceknowmealready,andloveme,particularlythechildren。WhenatfirstIassociatedwiththem,andinquiredinafriendlytoneabouttheirvarioustrifles,somefanciedthatIwishedtoridiculethem,andturnedfrommeinexceedingill-humour。Ididnotallowthatcircumstancetogrieveme:IonlyfeltmostkeenlywhatIhaveoftenbeforeobserved。
Personswhocanclaimacertainrankkeepthemselvescoldlyalooffromthecommonpeople,asthoughtheyfearedtolosetheirimportancebythecontact;whilstwantonidlers,andsuchasarepronetobadjoking,affecttodescendtotheirlevel,onlytomakethepoorpeoplefeeltheirimpertinenceallthemorekeenly。
Iknowverywellthatwearenotallequal,norcanbeso;butitismyopinionthathewhoavoidsthecommonpeople,inordernottolosetheirrespect,isasmuchtoblameasacowardwhohideshimselffromhisenemybecausehefearsdefeat。
TheotherdayIwenttothefountain,andfoundayoungservant-girl,whohadsetherpitcherontheloweststep,andlookedaroundtoseeifoneofhercompanionswasapproachingtoplaceitonherhead。Irandown,andlookedather。"ShallIhelpyou,prettylass?"saidI。Sheblusheddeeply。"Oh,sir!"sheexclaimed。
"Noceremony!"Ireplied。Sheadjustedherhead-gear,andI
helpedher。Shethankedme,andascendedthesteps。
MAY17。
Ihavemadeallsortsofacquaintances,buthaveasyetfoundnosociety。IknownotwhatattractionIpossessforthepeople,somanyofthemlikeme,andattachthemselvestome;andthenIfeelsorrywhentheroadwepursuetogethergoesonlyashortdistance。
Ifyouinquirewhatthepeoplearelikehere,Imustanswer,"Thesameaseverywhere。"Thehumanraceisbutamonotonousaffair。
Mostofthemlabourthegreaterpartoftheirtimeformeresubsistence;andthescantyportionoffreedomwhichremainstothemsotroublesthemthattheyuseeveryexertiontogetridofit。Oh,thedestinyofman!
Buttheyarearightgoodsortofpeople。IfIoccasionallyforgetmyself,andtakepartintheinnocentpleasureswhicharenotyetforbiddentothepeasantry,andenjoymyself,forinstance,withgenuinefreedomandsincerity,roundawell-coveredtable,orarrangeanexcursionoradanceopportunely,andsoforth,allthisproducesagoodeffectuponmydisposition;onlyImustforgetthatthereliedormantwithinmesomanyotherqualitieswhichmoulderuselessly,andwhichIamobligedtokeepcarefullyconcealed。
Ah!thisthoughtaffectsmyspiritsfearfully。Andyettobemisunderstoodisthefateofthelikeofus。
Alas,thatthefriendofmyyouthisgone!Alas,thatIeverknewher!Imightsaytomyself,"Youareadreamertoseekwhatisnottobefoundherebelow。"Butshehasbeenmine。Ihavepossessedthatheart,thatnoblesoul,inwhosepresenceIseemedtobemorethanIreallywas,becauseIwasallthatIcouldbe。
Goodheavens!didthenasinglepowerofmysoulremainunexercised?
InherpresencecouldInotdisplay,toitsfullextent,thatmysteriousfeelingwithwhichmyheartembracesnature?Wasnotourintercourseaperpetualwebofthefinestemotions,ofthekeenestwit,thevarietiesofwhich,evenintheirveryeccentricity,borethestampofgenius?Alas!thefewyearsbywhichshewasmyseniorbroughthertothegravebeforeme。NevercanIforgetherfirmmindorherheavenlypatience。
AfewdaysagoImetacertainyoungV——,afrank,openfellow,withamostpleasingcountenance。Hehasjustlefttheuniversity,doesnotdeemhimselfoverwise,butbelievesheknowsmorethanotherpeople。Hehasworkedhard,asIcanperceivefrommanycircumstances,and,inshort,possessesalargestockofinformation。
WhenheheardthatIamdrawingagooddeal,andthatIknowGreek(twowonderfulthingsforthispartofthecountry),hecametoseeme,anddisplayedhiswholestoreoflearning,fromBatteauxtoWood,fromDePilestoWinkelmann:heassuredmehehadreadthroughthefirstpartofSultzer’stheory,andalsopossessedamanuscriptofHeyne’sworkonthestudyoftheantique。Ialloweditalltopass。
Ihavebecomeacquainted,also,withaveryworthyperson,thedistrictjudge,afrankandopen-heartedman。Iamtolditisamostdelightfulthingtoseehiminthemidstofhischildren,ofwhomhehasnine。Hiseldestdaughterespeciallyishighlyspokenof。Hehasinvitedmetogoandseehim,andIintendtodosoonthefirstopportunity。Helivesatoneoftheroyalhunting-lodges,whichcanbereachedfromhereinanhourandahalfbywalking,andwhichheobtainedleavetoinhabitafterthelossofhiswife,asitissopainfultohimtoresideintownandatthecourt。
Therehavealsocomeinmywayafewotheroriginalsofaquestionablesort,whoareinallrespectsundesirable,andmostintolerableintheirdemonstrationoffriendship。Good-bye。Thisletterwillpleaseyou:itisquitehistorical。
MAY22。
Thatthelifeofmanisbutadream,manyamanhassurmisedheretofore;andI,too,ameverywherepursuedbythisfeeling。
WhenIconsiderthenarrowlimitswithinwhichouractiveandinquiringfacultiesareconfined;whenIseehowallourenergiesarewastedinprovidingformerenecessities,whichagainhavenofurtherendthantoprolongawretchedexistence;andthenthatalloursatisfactionconcerningcertainsubjectsofinvestigationendsinnothingbetterthanapassiveresignation,whilstweamuseourselvespaintingourprison-wallswithbrightfiguresandbrilliantlandscapes,——whenIconsiderallthis,Wilhelm,Iamsilent。
Iexaminemyownbeing,andfindthereaworld,butaworldratherofimaginationanddimdesires,thanofdistinctnessandlivingpower。Theneverythingswimsbeforemysenses,andIsmileanddreamwhilepursuingmywaythroughtheworld。
Alllearnedprofessorsanddoctorsareagreedthatchildrendonotcomprehendthecauseoftheirdesires;butthatthegrown-upshouldwanderaboutthisearthlikechildren,withoutknowingwhencetheycome,orwhithertheygo,influencedaslittlebyfixedmotives,butguidedlikethembybiscuits,sugar-plums,andtherod,——thisiswhatnobodyiswillingtoacknowledge;andyetIthinkitispalpable。
Iknowwhatyouwillsayinreply;forIamreadytoadmitthattheyarehappiest,who,likechildren,amusethemselveswiththeirplaythings,dressandundresstheirdolls,andattentivelywatchthecupboard,wheremammahaslockeduphersweetthings,and,whenatlasttheygetadeliciousmorsel,eatitgreedily,andexclaim,"More!"Thesearecertainlyhappybeings;butothersalsoareobjectsofenvy,whodignifytheirpaltryemployments,andsometimeseventheirpassions,withpompoustitles,representingthemtomankindasgiganticachievementsperformedfortheirwelfareandglory。Butthemanwhohumblyacknowledgesthevanityofallthis,whoobserveswithwhatpleasurethethrivingcitizenconvertshislittlegardenintoaparadise,andhowpatientlyeventhepoormanpursueshiswearywayunderhisburden,andhowallwishequallytobeholdthelightofthesunalittlelonger,——yes,suchamanisatpeace,andcreateshisownworldwithinhimself;andheisalsohappy,becauseheisaman。Andthen,howeverlimitedhissphere,hestillpreservesinhisbosomthesweetfeelingofliberty,andknowsthathecanquithisprisonwheneverhelikes。
MAY26。
Youknowofoldmywaysofsettlinganywhere,ofselectingalittlecottageinsomecosyspot,andofputtingupinitwitheveryinconvenience。Here,too,Ihavediscoveredsuchasnug,comfortableplace,whichpossessespeculiarcharmsforme。
AboutaleaguefromthetownisaplacecalledWalheim。(Thereaderneednottakethetroubletolookfortheplacethusdesignated。
Wehavefounditnecessarytochangethenamesgivenintheoriginal。)
Itisdelightfullysituatedonthesideofahill;and,byproceedingalongoneofthefootpathswhichleadoutofthevillage,youcanhaveaviewofthewholevalley。Agoodoldwomanlivesthere,whokeepsasmallinn。Shesellswine,beer,andcoffee,andischeerfulandpleasantnotwithstandingherage。Thechiefcharmofthisspotconsistsintwolinden-trees,spreadingtheirenormousbranchesoverthelittlegreenbeforethechurch,whichisentirelysurroundedbypeasants’cottages,barns,andhomesteads。Ihaveseldomseenaplacesoretiredandpeaceable;andthereoftenhavemytableandchairbroughtoutfromthelittleinn,anddrinkmycoffeethere,andreadmyHomer。Accidentbroughtmetothespotonefineafternoon,andIfounditperfectlydeserted。Everybodywasinthefieldsexceptalittleboyaboutfouryearsofage,whowassittingontheground,andheldbetweenhiskneesachildaboutsixmonthsold:hepressedittohisbosomwithbotharms,whichthusformedasortofarm-chair;and,notwithstandingthelivelinesswhichsparkledinitsblackeyes,itremainedperfectlystill。
Thesightcharmedme。Isatdownuponaploughopposite,andsketchedwithgreatdelightthislittlepictureofbrotherlytenderness。Iaddedtheneighbouringhedge,thebarn-door,andsomebrokencart-wheels,justastheyhappenedtolie;andIfoundinaboutanhourthatIhadmadeaverycorrectandinterestingdrawing,withoutputtingintheslightestthingofmyown。Thisconfirmedmeinmyresolutionofadhering,forthefuture,entirelytonature。Shealoneisinexhaustible,andcapableofformingthegreatestmasters。Muchmaybeallegedinfavourofrules,asmuchmaybelikewiseadvancedinfavourofthelawsofsociety:anartistformeduponthemwillneverproduceanythingabsolutelybadordisgusting;asamanwhoobservesthelaws,andobeysdecorum,canneverbeanabsolutelyintolerableneighbour,noradecidedvillain:butyet,saywhatyouwillofrules,theydestroythegenuinefeelingofnature,aswellasitstrueexpression。Donottellme"thatthisistoohard,thattheyonlyrestrainandprunesuperfluousbranches,etc。"Mygoodfriend,Iwillillustratethisbyananalogy。Thesethingsresemblelove。Awarmheartedyouthbecomesstronglyattachedtoamaiden:hespendseveryhourofthedayinhercompany,wearsouthishealth,andlavisheshisfortune,toaffordcontinualproofthatheiswhollydevotedtoher。Thencomesamanoftheworld,amanofplaceandrespectability,andaddresseshimthus:"Mygoodyoungfriend,loveisnatural;
butyoumustlovewithinbounds。Divideyourtime:devoteaportiontobusiness,andgivethehoursofrecreationtoyourmistress。
Calculateyourfortune;andoutofthesuperfluityyoumaymakeherapresent,onlynottoooften,——onherbirthday,andsuchoccasions。"Pursuingthisadvice,hemaybecomeausefulmemberofsociety,andIshouldadviseeveryprincetogivehimanappointment;butitisallupwithhislove,andwithhisgeniusifhebeanartist。Omyfriend!whyisitthatthetorrentofgeniussoseldomburstsforth,soseldomrollsinfull-flowingstream,overwhelmingyourastoundedsoul?Because,oneithersideofthisstream,coldandrespectablepersonshavetakenuptheirabodes,and,forsooth,theirsummer-housesandtulip-bedswouldsufferfromthetorrent;whereforetheydigtrenches,andraiseembankmentsbetimes,inordertoaverttheimpendingdanger。
MAY27。
IfindIhavefallenintoraptures,declamation,andsimiles,andhaveforgotten,inconsequence,totellyouwhatbecameofthechildren。Absorbedinmyartisticcontemplations,whichIbrieflydescribedinmyletterofyesterday,Icontinuedsittingontheploughfortwohours。Towardeveningayoungwoman,withabasketonherarm,camerunningtowardthechildren,whohadnotmovedallthattime。Sheexclaimedfromadistance,"Youareagoodboy,Philip!"Shegavemegreeting:Ireturnedit,rose,andapproachedher。Iinquiredifshewerethemotherofthoseprettychildren。"Yes,"shesaid;and,givingtheeldestapieceofbread,shetookthelittleoneinherarmsandkisseditwithamother’stenderness。"IleftmychildinPhilip’scare,"shesaid,"whilstIwentintothetownwithmyeldestboytobuysomewheatenbread,somesugar,andanearthenpot。"Isawthevariousarticlesinthebasket,fromwhichthecoverhadfallen。"Ishallmakesomebrothto-nightformylittleHans(whichwasthenameoftheyoungest):thatwildfellow,thebigone,brokemypotyesterday,whilsthewasscramblingwithPhilipforwhatremainedofthecontents。"Iinquiredfortheeldest;andshebadscarcelytimetotellmethathewasdrivingacoupleofgeesehomefromthemeadow,whenheranup,andhandedPhilipanosier-twig。Italkedalittlelongerwiththewoman,andfoundthatshewasthedaughteroftheschoolmaster,andthatherhusbandwasgoneonajourneyintoSwitzerlandforsomemoneyarelationhadlefthim。"Theywantedtocheathim,"shesaid,"andwouldnotanswerhisletters;
soheisgonetherehimself。Ihopehehasmetwithnoaccident,asIhaveheardnothingofhimsincehisdeparture。"Ileftthewoman,withregret,givingeachofthechildrenakreutzer,withanadditionalonefortheyoungest,tobuysomewheatenbreadforhisbrothwhenshewenttotownnext;andsoweparted。Iassureyou,mydearfriend,whenmythoughtsareallintumult,thesightofsuchacreatureasthistranquillisesmydisturbedmind。Shemovesinahappythoughtlessnesswithintheconfinedcircleofherexistence;shesuppliesherwantsfromdaytoday;and,whensheseestheleavesfall,theyraisenootherideainhermindthanthatwinterisapproaching。SincethattimeIhavegoneouttherefrequently。Thechildrenhavebecomequitefamiliarwithme;andeachgetsalumpofsugarwhenIdrinkmycoffee,andtheysharemymilkandbreadandbutterintheevening。TheyalwaysreceivetheirkreutzeronSundays,forthegoodwomanhasorderstogiveittothemwhenIdonotgothereaftereveningservice。Theyarequiteathomewithme,tellmeeverything;andIamparticularlyamusedwithobservingtheirtempers,andthesimplicityoftheirbehaviour,whensomeoftheothervillagechildrenareassembledwiththem。
Ithasgivenmeadealoftroubletosatisfytheanxietyofthemother,lest(asshesays)"theyshouldinconveniencethegentleman。"
MAY30。
WhatIhavelatelysaidofpaintingisequallytruewithrespecttopoetry。Itisonlynecessaryforustoknowwhatisreallyexcellent,andventuretogiveitexpression;andthatissayingmuchinfewwords。To-dayIhavehadascene,which,ifliterallyrelated,would,makethemostbeautifulidylintheworld。ButwhyshouldItalkofpoetryandscenesandidyls?Canwenevertakepleasureinnaturewithouthavingrecoursetoart?
Ifyouexpectanythinggrandormagnificentfromthisintroduction,youwillbesadlymistaken。Itrelatesmerelytoapeasant-lad,whohasexcitedinmethewarmestinterest。Asusual,Ishalltellmystorybadly;andyou,asusual,willthinkmeextravagant。
ItisWalheimoncemore——alwaysWalheim——whichproducesthesewonderfulphenomena。
Apartyhadassembledoutsidethehouseunderthelinden-trees,todrinkcoffee。Thecompanydidnotexactlypleaseme;and,underonepretextoranother,Ilingeredbehind。
Apeasantcamefromanadjoininghouse,andsettoworkarrangingsomepartofthesameploughwhichIhadlatelysketched。Hisappearancepleasedme;andIspoketohim,inquiredabouthiscircumstances,madehisacquaintance,and,asismywontwithpersonsofthatclass,wassoonadmittedintohisconfidence。Hesaidhewasintheserviceofayoungwidow,whosetgreatstorebyhim。Hespokesomuchofhismistress,andpraisedhersoextravagantly,thatIcouldsoonseehewasdesperatelyinlovewithher。"Sheisnolongeryoung,"hesaid:"andshewastreatedsobadlybyherformerhusbandthatshedoesnotmeantomarryagain。"Fromhisaccountitwassoevidentwhatincomparablecharmsshepossessedforhim,andhowardentlyhewishedshewouldselecthimtoextinguishtherecollectionofherfirsthusband’smisconduct,thatIshouldhavetorepeathisownwordsinordertodescribethedepthofthepoorfellow’sattachment,truth,anddevotion。Itwould,infact,requirethegiftsofagreatpoettoconveytheexpressionofhisfeatures,theharmonyofhisvoice,andtheheavenlyfireofhiseye。Nowordscanportraythetendernessofhiseverymovementandofeveryfeature:noeffortofminecoulddojusticetothescene。HisalarmlestIshouldmisconceivehispositionwithregardtohismistress,orquestiontheproprietyofherconduct,touchedmeparticularly。Thecharmingmannerwithwhichhedescribedherformandperson,which,withoutpossessingthegracesofyouth,wonandattachedhimtoher,isinexpressible,andmustbelefttotheimagination。Ihaveneverinmylifewitnessedorfanciedorconceivedthepossibilityofsuchintensedevotion,suchardentaffections,unitedwithsomuchpurity。DonotblamemeifIsaythattherecollectionofthisinnocenceandtruthisdeeplyimpresseduponmyverysoul;thatthispictureoffidelityandtendernesshauntsmeeverywhere;andthatmyownheart,asthoughenkindledbytheflame,glowsandburnswithinme。
ImeannowtotryandseeherassoonasIcan:orperhaps,onsecondthoughts,Ihadbetternot;itisbetterIshouldbeholdherthroughtheeyesofherlover。Tomysight,perhaps,shewouldnotappearasshenowstandsbeforeme;andwhyshouldIdestroysosweetapicture?
JUNE16。
"WhydoInotwritetoyou?"Youlayclaimtolearning,andasksuchaquestion。YoushouldhaveguessedthatIamwell——thatistosay——inaword,Ihavemadeanacquaintancewhohaswonmyheart:Ihave——Iknownot。
TogiveyouaregularaccountofthemannerinwhichIhavebecomeacquaintedwiththemostamiableofwomenwouldbeadifficulttask。
Iamahappyandcontentedmortal,butapoorhistorian。
Anangel!Nonsense!Everybodysodescribeshismistress;andyetIfinditimpossibletotellyouhowperfectsheis,orwhysheissoperfect:sufficeittosayshehascaptivatedallmysenses。
Somuchsimplicitywithsomuchunderstauding——somild,andyetsoresolute——amindsoplacid,andalifesoactive。
Butallthisisuglybalderdash,whichexpressesnotasinglecharacternorfeature。Someothertime——butno,notsomeothertime,now,thisveryinstant,willItellyouallaboutit。Nowornever。Well,betweenourselves,sinceIcommencedmyletter,Ihavebeenthreetimesonthepointofthrowingdownmypen,oforderingmyhorse,andridingout。AndyetIvowedthismorningthatIwouldnotrideto-day,andyeteverymomentIamrushingtothewindowtoseehowhighthesunis。
Icouldnotrestrainmyself——gotoherImust。Ihavejustreturned,Wilhelm;andwhilstIamtakingsupperIwillwritetoyou。Whatadelightitwasformysoultoseeherinthemidstofherdear,beautifulchildren,——eightbrothersandsisters!
But,ifIproceedthus,youwillbenowiserattheendofmyletterthanyouwereatthebeginning。Attend,then,andIwillcompelmyselftogiveyouthedetails。
ImentionedtoyoutheotherdaythatIhadbecomeacquaintedwithS——,thedistrictjudge,andthathehadinvitedmetogoandvisithiminhisretirement,orratherinhislittlekingdom。ButI
neglectedgoing,andperhapsshouldneverhavegone,ifchancehadnotdiscoveredtomethetreasurewhichlayconcealedinthatretiredspot。Someofouryoungpeoplehadproposedgivingaballinthecountry,atwhichIconsentedtobepresent。Iofferedmyhandfortheeveningtoaprettyandagreeable,butrathercommonplace,sortofgirlfromtheimmediateneighbourhood;anditwasagreedthatIshouldengageacarriage,andcalluponCharlotte,withmypartnerandheraunt,toconveythemtotheball。Mycompanioninformedme,aswedrovealongthroughtheparktothehunting-lodge,thatIshouldmaketheacquaintanceofaverycharmingyounglady。
"Takecare,"addedtheaunt,"thatyoudonotloseyourheart。"
"Why?"saidI。"Becausesheisalreadyengagedtoaveryworthyman,"shereplied,"whoisgonetosettlehisaffairsuponthedeathofhisfather,andwillsucceedtoaveryconsiderableinheritance。"Thisinformationpossessednointerestforme。
Whenwearrivedatthegate,thesunwassettingbehindthetopsofthemountains。Theatmospherewasheavy;andtheladiesexpressedtheirfearsofanapproachingstorm,asmassesoflowblackcloudsweregatheringinthehorizon。Irelievedtheiranxietiesbypretendingtobeweather-wise,althoughImyselfhadsomeapprehensionslestourpleasureshouldbeinterrupted。
Ialighted;andamaidcametothedoor,andrequestedustowaitamomentforhermistress。Iwalkedacrossthecourttoawell-builthouse,and,ascendingtheflightofstepsinfront,openedthedoor,andsawbeforemethemostcharmingspectacleIhadeverwitnessed。
Sixchildren,fromeleventotwoyearsold,wererunningaboutthehall,andsurroundingaladyofmiddleheight,withalovelyfigure,dressedinarobeofsimplewhite,trimmedwithpinkribbons。Shewasholdingaryeloafinherhand,andwascuttingslicesforthelittleonesallaround,inproportiontotheirageandappetite。
Sheperformedhertaskinagracefulandaffectionatemanner;eachclaimantawaitinghisturnwithoutstretchedhands,andboisterouslyshoutinghisthanks。Someofthemranawayatonce,toenjoytheireveningmeal;whilstothers,ofagentlerdisposition,retiredtothecourtyardtoseethestrangers,andtosurveythecarriageinwhichtheirCharlottewastodriveaway。"Prayforgivemeforgivingyouthetroubletocomeforme,andforkeepingtheladieswaiting:butdressing,andarrangingsomehouseholddutiesbeforeIleave,hadmademeforgetmychildren’ssupper;andtheydonotliketotakeitfromanyonebutme。"Iutteredsomeindifferentcompliment:butmywholesoulwasabsorbedbyherair,hervoice,hermanner;andIhadscarcelyrecoveredmyselfwhensheranintoherroomtofetchherglovesandfan。Theyoungonesthrewinquiringglancesatmefromadistance;whilstIapproachedtheyoungest,amostdeliciouslittlecreature。Hedrewback;andCharlotte,enteringattheverymoment,said,"Louis,shakehandswithyourcousin。"Thelittlefellowobeyedwillingly;andIcouldnotresistgivinghimaheartykiss,notwithstandinghisratherdirtyface。"Cousin,"saidItoCharlotte,asIhandedherdown,"doyouthinkIdeservethehappinessofbeingrelatedtoyou?"Shereplied,withareadysmile,"Oh!Ihavesuchanumberofcousins,thatIshouldbesorryifyouwerethemostundeservingofthem。"
Intakingleave,shedesiredhernextsister,Sophy,agirlaboutelevenyearsold,totakegreatcareofthechildren,andtosaygood-byetopapaforherwhenhecamehomefromhisride。SheenjoinedtothelittleonestoobeytheirsisterSophyastheywouldherself,uponwhichsomepromisedthattheywould;butalittlefair-hairedgirl,aboutsixyearsold,lookeddiscontented,andsaid,"ButSophyisnotyou,Charlotte;andwelikeyoubest。"
Thetwoeldestboyshadclamberedupthecarriage;and,atmyrequest,shepermittedthemtoaccompanyusalittlewaythroughtheforest,upontheirpromisingtositverystill,andholdfast。
Wewerehardlyseated,andtheladieshadscarcelyexchangedcompliments,makingtheusualremarksuponeachother’sdress,anduponthecompanytheyexpectedtomeet,whenCharlottestoppedthecarriage,andmadeherbrothersgetdown。Theyinsisteduponkissingherhandsoncemore;whichtheeldestdidwithallthetendernessofayouthoffifteen,buttheotherinalighterandmorecarelessmanner。Shedesiredthemagaintogiveherlovetothechildren,andwedroveoff。
TheauntinquiredofCharlottewhethershehadfinishedthebookshehadlastsenther。"No,"saidCharlotte;"Ididnotlikeit:
youcanhaveitagain。Andtheonebeforewasnotmuchbetter。"
Iwassurprised,uponaskingthetitle,tohearthatitwas____。
(Wefeelobligedtosuppressthepassageintheletter,topreventanyonefromfeelingaggrieved;althoughnoauthorneedpaymuchattentiontotheopinionofameregirl,orthatofanunsteadyyoungman。)
Ifoundpenetrationandcharacterineverythingshesaid:everyexpressionseemedtobrightenherfeatureswithnewcharms,——withnewraysofgenius,——whichunfoldedbydegrees,asshefeltherselfunderstood。
"WhenIwasyounger,"sheobserved,"Ilovednothingsomuchasromances。Nothingcouldequalmydelightwhen,onsomeholiday,Icouldsettledownquietlyinacorner,andenterwithmywholeheartandsoulintothejoysorsorrowsofsomefictitiousLeonora。
Idonotdenythattheyevenpossesssomecharmsformeyet。ButIreadsoseldom,thatIpreferbookssuitedexactlytomytaste。
AndIlikethoseauthorsbestwhosescenesdescribemyownsituationinlife,——andthefriendswhoareaboutme,whosestoriestouchmewithinterest,fromresemblingmyownhomelyexistence,——which,withoutbeingabsolutelyparadise,is,onthewhole,asourceofindescribablehappiness。"
Iendeavouredtoconcealtheemotionwhichthesewordsoccasioned,butitwasofslightavail;for,whenshehadexpressedsotrulyheropinionof"TheVicarofWakefield,"andofotherworks,thenamesofwhichIomit(Thoughthenamesareomitted,yettheauthorsmentioneddeserveCharlotte’sapprobation,andwillfeelitintheirheartswhentheyreadthispassage。Itconcernsnootherperson。),Icouldnolongercontainmyself,butgavefullutterancetowhatIthoughtofit:anditwasnotuntilCharlottehadaddressedherselftothetwootherladies,thatIrememberedtheirpresence,andobservedthemsittingmutewithastonishment。Theauntlookedatmeseveraltimeswithanairofraillery,which,however,Ididnotatallmind。
Wetalkedofthepleasuresofdancing。"Ifitisafaulttoloveit,"saidCharlotte,"IamreadytoconfessthatIprizeitaboveallotheramusements。Ifanythingdisturbsme,Igotothepiano,playanairtowhichIhavedanced,andallgoesrightagaindirectly。"
You,whoknowme,canfancyhowsteadfastlyIgazeduponherrichdarkeyesduringtheseremarks,howmyverysoulgloatedoverherwarmlipsandfresh,glowingcheeks,howIbecamequitelostinthedelightfulmeaningofherwords,somuchso,thatIscarcelyheardtheactualexpressions。Inshort,Ialightedfromthecarriagelikeapersoninadream,andwassolosttothedimworldaroundme,thatIscarcelyheardthemusicwhichresoundedfromtheilluminatedballroom。
ThetwoMessrs。AndranandacertainN。N。(Icannottroublemyselfwiththenames),whoweretheaunt’sandCharlotte’spartners,receivedusatthecarriage-door,andtookpossessionoftheirladies,whilstIfollowedwithmine。
Wecommencedwithaminuet。Iledoutoneladyafteranother,andpreciselythosewhowerethemostdisagreeablecouldnotbringthemselvestoleaveoff。CharlotteandherpartnerbegananEnglishcountrydance,andyoumustimaginemydelightwhenitwastheirturntodancethefigurewithus。YoushouldseeCharlottedance。
Shedanceswithherwholeheartandsoul:herfigureisallharmony,elegance,andgrace,asifshewereconsciousofnothingelse,andhadnootherthoughtorfeeling;and,doubtless,forthemoment,everyothersensationisextinct。
Shewasengagedforthesecondcountrydance,butpromisedmethethird,andassuredme,withthemostagreeablefreedom,thatshewasveryfondofwaltzing。"Itisthecustomhere,"shesaid,"forthepreviouspartnerstowaltztogether;butmypartnerisanindifferentwaltzer,andwillfeeldelightedifIsavehimthetrouble。Yourpartnerisnotallowedtowaltz,and,indeed,isequallyincapable:butIobservedduringthecountrydancethatyouwaltzwell;so,ifyouwillwaltzwithme,Ibegyouwouldproposeittomypartner,andIwillproposeittoyours。"Weagreed,anditwasarrangedthatourpartnersshouldmutuallyentertaineachother。
Wesetoff,and,atfirst,delightedourselveswiththeusualgracefulmotionsofthearms。Withwhatgrace,withwhatease,shemoved!Whenthewaltzcommenced,andthedancerswhirledaroundeachotherinthegiddymaze,therewassomeconfusion,owingtotheincapacityofsomeofthedancers。Wejudiciouslyremainedstill,allowingtheotherstowearythemselves;and,whentheawkwarddancershadwithdrawn,wejoinedin,andkeptitupfamouslytogetherwithoneothercouple,——Andranandhispartner。
NeverdidIdancemorelightly。Ifeltmyselfmorethanmortal,holdingthisloveliestofcreaturesinmyarms,flying,withherasrapidlyasthewind,tillIlostsightofeveryotherobject;
andOWilhelm,Ivowedatthatmoment,thatamaidenwhomIloved,orforwhomIfelttheslightestattachment,never,nevershouldwaltzwithanyoneelsebutwithme,ifIwenttoperditionforit!
——youwillunderstandthis。
Wetookafewturnsintheroomtorecoverourbreath。Charlottesatdown,andfeltrefreshedbypartakingofsomeorangeswhichI
hadhadsecured,——theonlyonesthathadbeenleft;butateveryslicewhich,frompoliteness,sheofferedtoherneighbours,Ifeltasthoughadaggerwentthroughmyheart。
Wewerethesecondcoupleinthethirdcountrydance。Asweweregoingdown(andHeavenknowswithwhatecstasyIgazedatherarmsandeyes,beamingwiththesweetestfeelingofpureandgenuineenjoyment),wepassedaladywhomIhadnoticedforhercharmingexpressionofcountenance;althoughshewasnolongeryoung。ShelookedatCharlottewithasmile,then,holdingupherfingerinathreateningattitude,repeatedtwiceinaverysignificanttoneofvoicethenameof"Albert。"
"WhoisAlbert,"saidItoCharlotte,"ifitisnotimpertinenttoask?"Shewasabouttoanswer,whenwewereobligedtoseparate,inordertoexecuteafigureinthedance;and,aswecrossedoveragaininfrontofeachother,Iperceivedshelookedsomewhatpensive。"WhyneedIconcealitfromyou?"shesaid,asshegavemeherhandforthepromenade。"Albertisaworthyman,towhomIamengaged。"Now,therewasnothingnewtomeinthis(forthegirlshadtoldmeofitontheway);butitwassofarnewthatIhadnotthoughtofitinconnectionwithherwhom,insoshortatime,Ihadlearnedtoprizesohighly。Enough,Ibecameconfused,gotoutinthefigure,andoccasionedgeneralconfusion;sothatitrequiredallCharlotte’spresenceofmindtosetmerightbypullingandpushingmeintomyproperplace。
Thedancewasnotyetfinishedwhenthelightningwhichhadforsometimebeenseeninthehorizon,andwhichIhadassertedtoproceedentirelyfromheat,grewmoreviolent;andthethunderwasheardabovethemusic。Whenanydistressorterrorsurprisesusinthemidstofouramusements,itnaturallymakesadeeperimpressionthanatothertimes,eitherbecausethecontrastmakesusmorekeenlysusceptible,orratherperhapsbecauseoursensesarethenmoreopentoimpressions,andtheshockisconsequentlystronger。
TothiscauseImustascribethefrightandshrieksoftheladies。
Onesagaciouslysatdowninacornerwithherbacktothewindow,andheldherfingerstoherears;asecondkneltdownbeforeher,andhidherfaceinherlap;athirdthrewherselfbetweenthem,andembracedhersisterwithathousandtears;someinsistedongoinghome;others,unconsciousoftheiractions,wantedsufficientpresenceofmindtorepresstheimpertinenceoftheiryoungpartners,whosoughttodirecttothemselvesthosesighswhichthelipsofouragitatedbeautiesintendedforheaven。Someofthegentlemenhadgonedown-stairstosmokeaquietcigar,andtherestofthecompanygladlyembracedahappysuggestionofthehostesstoretireintoanotherroomwhichwasprovidedwithshuttersandcurtains。
Wehadhardlygotthere,whenCharlotteplacedthechairsinacircle;and,whenthecompanyhadsatdownincompliancewithherrequest,sheforthwithproposedaroundgame。
Inoticedsomeofthecompanypreparetheirmouthsanddrawthemselvesupattheprospectofsomeagreeableforfeit。"Letusplayatcounting,"saidCharlotte。"Now,payattention:Ishallgoroundthecirclefromrighttoleft;andeachpersonistocount,oneaftertheother,thenumberthatcomestohim,andmustcountfast;whoeverstopsormistakesistohaveaboxontheear,andsoon,tillwehavecountedathousand。"Itwasdelightfultoseethefun。Shewentroundthecirclewithupraisedarm。"One,"
saidthefirst;"two,"thesecond;"three,"thethird;andsoon,tillCharlottewentfasterandfaster。Onemadeamistake,instantlyaboxontheear;and,amidthelaughterthatensued,cameanotherbox;andsoon,fasterandfaster。Imyselfcameinfortwo。I
fanciedtheywereharderthantherest,andfeltquitedelighted。
Agenerallaughterandconfusionputanendtothegamelongbeforewehadcountedasfarasathousand。Thepartybrokeupintolittleseparateknots:thestormhadceased,andIfollowedCharlotteintotheballroom。Onthewayshesaid,"Thegamebanishedtheirfearsofthestorm。"Icouldmakenoreply。"Imyself,"shecontinued,"wasasmuchfrightenedasanyofthem;butbyaffectingcourage,tokeepupthespiritsoftheothers,Iforgotmyapprehensions。"Wewenttothewindow。Itwasstillthunderingatadistance:asoftrainwaspouringdownoverthecountry,andfilledtheairarounduswithdeliciousodours。Charlotteleanedforwardonherarm;hereyeswanderedoverthescene;sheraisedthemtothesky,andthenturnedthemuponme;theyweremoistenedwithtears;sheplacedherhandonmineandsaid,"Klopstock!"atonceIrememberedthemagnificentodewhichwasinherthoughts:Ifeltoppressedwiththeweightofmysensations,andsankunderthem。ItwasmorethanIcouldbear。Ibentoverherhand,kisseditinastreamofdelicioustears,andagainlookeduptohereyes。DivineKlopstock!whydidstthounotseethyapotheosisinthoseeyes?Andthynamesooftenprofaned,wouldthatIneverhearditrepeated!
JUNE19。
InolongerrememberwhereIstoppedinmynarrative:IonlyknowitwastwointhemorningwhenIwenttobed;andifyouhadbeenwithme,thatImighthavetalkedinsteadofwritingtoyou,I
should,inallprobability,havekeptyouuptilldaylight。
IthinkIhavenotyetrelatedwhathappenedaswerodehomefromtheball,norhaveItimetotellyounow。Itwasamostmagnificentsunrise:thewholecountrywasrefreshed,andtherainfelldropbydropfromthetreesintheforest。Ourcompanionswereasleep。
CharlotteaskedmeifIdidnotwishtosleepalso,andbeggedofmenottomakeanyceremonyonheraccount。Lookingsteadfastlyather,Ianswered,"AslongasIseethoseeyesopen,thereisnofearofmyfallingasleep。"Webothcontinuedawaketillwereachedherdoor。Themaidopeneditsoftly,andassuredher,inanswertoherinquiries,thatherfatherandthechildrenwerewell,andstillsleeping。Ileftheraskingpermissiontovisitherinthecourseoftheday。Sheconsented,andIwent,and,sincethattime,sun,moon,andstarsmaypursuetheircourse:I
knownotwhetheritisdayornight;thewholeworldisnothingtome。
JUNE21。
MydaysareashappyasthosereservedbyGodforhiselect;and,whateverbemyfatehereafter,IcanneversaythatIhavenottastedjoy,——thepurestjoyoflife。YouknowWalheim。Iamnowcompletelysettledthere。InthatspotIamonlyhalfaleaguefromCharlotte;andthereIenjoymyself,andtasteallthepleasurewhichcanfalltothelotofman。
LittledidIimagine,whenIselectedWalheimformypedestrianexcursions,thatallheavenlaysonearit。Howofteninmywanderingsfromthehillsideorfromthemeadowsacrosstheriver,haveIbeheldthishunting-lodge,whichnowcontainswithinitallthejoyofmyheart!
Ihaveoften,mydearWilhelm,reflectedontheeagernessmenfeeltowanderandmakenewdiscoveries,anduponthatsecretimpulsewhichafterwardinclinesthemtoreturntotheirnarrowcircle,conformtothelawsofcustom,andembarrassthemselvesnolongerwithwhatpassesaroundthem。
Itissostrangehow,whenIcameherefirst,andgazeduponthatlovelyvalleyfromthehillside,Ifeltcharmedwiththeentirescenesurroundingme。Thelittlewoodopposite——howdelightfultositunderitsshade!Howfinetheviewfromthatpointofrock!Then,thatdelightfulchainofhills,andtheexquisitevalleysattheirfeet!CouldIbutwanderandlosemyselfamongstthem!Iwent,andreturnedwithoutfindingwhatIwished。Distance,myfriend,islikefuturity。Adimvastnessisspreadbeforeoursouls:theperceptionsofourmindareasobscureasthoseofourvision;andwedesireearnestlytosurrenderupourwholebeing,thatitmaybefilledwiththecompleteandperfectblissofonegloriousemotion。Butalas!whenwehaveattainedourobject,whenthedistanttherebecomesthepresenthere,allischanged:
weareaspoorandcircumscribedasever,andoursoulsstilllanguishforunattainablehappiness。
Sodoestherestlesstravellerpantforhisnativesoil,andfindinhisowncottage,inthearmsofhiswife,intheaffectionsofhischildren,andinthelabournecessaryfortheirsupport,thathappinesswhichhehadsoughtinvainthroughthewideworld。
When,inthemorningatsunrise,IgoouttoWalheim,andwithmyownhandsgatherinthegardenthepeasewhicharetoserveformydinner,whenIsitdowntoshellthem,andreadmyHomerduringtheintervals,andthen,selectingasaucepanfromthekitchen,fetchmyownbutter,putmymessonthefire,coveritup,andsitdowntostiritasoccasionrequires,IfiguretomyselftheillustrioussuitorsofPenelope,killing,dressing,andpreparingtheirownoxenandswine。Nothingfillsmewithamorepureandgenuinesenseofhappinessthanthosetraitsofpatriarchallifewhich,thankHeaven!Icanimitatewithoutaffectation。Happyisit,indeed,formethatmyheartiscapableoffeelingthesamesimpleandinnocentpleasureasthepeasantwhosetableiscoveredwithfoodofhisownrearing,andwhonotonlyenjoyshismeal,butrememberswithdelightthehappydaysandsunnymorningswhenheplantedit,thesofteveningswhenhewateredit,andthepleasureheexperiencedinwatchingitsdailygrowth。
JUNE29。
Thedaybeforeyesterday,thephysiciancamefromthetowntopayavisittothejudge。HefoundmeonthefloorplayingwithCharlotte’schildren。Someofthemwerescramblingoverme,andothersrompedwithme;and,asIcaughtandtickledthem,theymadeagreatnoise。Thedoctorisaformalsortofpersonage:headjuststheplaitsofhisruffles,andcontinuallysettleshisfrillwhilstheistalkingtoyou;andhethoughtmyconductbeneaththedignityofasensibleman。Icouldperceivethisbyhiscountenance。ButIdidnotsuffermyselftobedisturbed。I
allowedhimtocontinuehiswiseconversation,whilstIrebuiltthechildren’scardhousesforthemasfastastheythrewthemdown。Hewentaboutthetownafterward,complainingthatthejudge’schildrenwerespoiledenoughbefore,butthatnowWertherwascompletelyruiningthem。
Yes,mydearWilhelm,nothingonthisearthaffectsmyheartsomuchaschildren。WhenIlookonattheirdoings;whenImarkinthelittlecreaturestheseedsofallthosevirtuesandqualitieswhichtheywillonedayfindsoindispensable;whenIbeholdintheobstinateallthefuturefirmnessandconstancyofanoblecharacter;inthecapricious,thatlevityandgaietyoftemperwhichwillcarrythemlightlyoverthedangersandtroublesoflife,theirwholenaturesimpleandunpolluted,——thenIcalltomindthegoldenwordsoftheGreatTeacherofmankind,"Unlessyebecomelikeoneofthese!"Andnow,myfriend,thesechildren,whoareourequals,whomweoughttoconsiderasourmodels,wetreatthemasthoughtheywereoursubjects。Theyareallowednowilloftheirown。Andhavewe,then,noneourselves?Whencecomesourexclusiveright?Isitbecauseweareolderandmoreexperienced?
GreatGod!fromtheheightofthyheaventhoubeholdestgreatchildrenandlittlechildren,andnoothers;andthySonhaslongsincedeclaredwhichaffordtheegreatestpleasure。Buttheybelieveinhim,andhearhimnot,——that,too,isanoldstory;
andtheytraintheirchildrenaftertheirownimage,etc。
Adieu,Wilhelm:Iwillnotfurtherbewildermyselfwiththissubject。
JULY1。
TheconsolationCharlottecanbringtoaninvalidIexperiencefrommyownheart,whichsuffersmorefromherabsencethanmanyapoorcreaturelingeringonabedofsickness。Sheisgonetospendafewdaysinthetownwithaveryworthywoman,whoisgivenoverbythephysicians,andwishestohaveCharlottenearherinherlastmoments。IaccompaniedherlastweekonavisittotheVicarofS——,asmallvillageinthemountains,aboutaleaguehence。Wearrivedaboutfouro’clock:Charlottehadtakenherlittlesisterwithher。Whenweenteredthevicaragecourt,wefoundthegoodoldmansittingonabenchbeforethedoor,undertheshadeoftwolargewalnut-trees。AtthesightofCharlotteheseemedtogainnewlife,rose,forgothisstick,andventuredtowalktowardher。Sherantohim,andmadehimsitdownagain;
then,placingherselfbyhisside,shegavehimanumberofmessagesfromherfather,andthencaughtuphisyoungestchild,adirty,uglylittlething,thejoyofhisoldage,andkissedit。Iwishyoucouldhavewitnessedherattentiontothisoldman,——howsheraisedhervoiceonaccountofhisdeafness;howshetoldhimofhealthyyoungpeople,whohadbeencarriedoffwhenitwasleastexpected;praisedthevirtuesofCarlsbad,andcommendedhisdeterminationtospendtheensuingsummerthere;andassuredhimthathelookedbetterandstrongerthanhedidwhenshesawhimlast。I,inthemeantime,paidattentiontohisgoodlady。Theoldmanseemedquiteinspirits;andasIcouldnothelpadmiringthebeautyofthewalnut-trees,whichformedsuchanagreeableshadeoverourheads,hebegan,thoughwithsomelittledifficulty,totellustheirhistory。"Astotheoldest,"saidhe,"wedonotknowwhoplantedit,——somesayoneclergyman,andsomeanother:
buttheyoungerone,therebehindus,isexactlytheageofmywife,fiftyyearsoldnextOctober;herfatherplanteditinthemorning,andintheeveningshecameintotheworld。Mywife’sfatherwasmypredecessorhere,andIcannottellyouhowfondhewasofthattree;anditisfullyasdeartome。Undertheshadeofthatverytree,uponalogofwood,mywifewasseatedknitting,whenI,apoorstudent,cameintothiscourtforthefirsttime,justsevenandtwentyyearsago。"Charlotteinquiredforhisdaughter。HesaidshewasgonewithHerrSchmidttothemeadows,andwaswiththehaymakers。Theoldmanthenresumedhisstory,andtoldushowhispredecessorhadtakenafancytohim,ashadhisdaughterlikewise;andhowhehadbecomefirsthiscurate,andsubsequentlyhissuccessor。Hehadscarcelyfinishedhisstorywhenhisdaughterreturnedthroughthegarden,accompaniedbytheabove-mentionedHerrSchmidt。ShewelcomedCharlotteaffectionately,andIconfessIwasmuchtakenwithherappearance。Shewasalively-looking,good-humouredbrunette,quitecompetenttoamuseoneforashorttimeinthecountry。Herlover(forsuchHerrSchmidtevidentlyappearedtobe)wasapolite,reservedpersonage,andwouldnotjoinourconversation,notwithstandingallCharlotte’sendeavourstodrawhimout。Iwasmuchannoyedatobserving,byhiscountenance,thathissilencedidnotarisefromwantoftalent,butfromcapriceandill-humour。Thissubsequentlybecameveryevident,whenwesetouttotakeawalk,andFredericajoiningCharlotte,withwhomIwastalking,theworthygentleman’sface,whichwasnaturallyrathersombre,becamesodarkandangrythatCharlottewasobligedtotouchmyarm,andremindmethatIwastalkingtoomuchtoFrederica。Nothingdistressesmemorethantoseementormenteachother;particularlywheninthefloweroftheirage,intheveryseasonofpleasure,theywastetheirfewshortdaysofsunshineinquarrelsanddisputes,andonlyperceivetheirerrorwhenitistoolatetorepairit。Thisthoughtdweltuponmymind;andintheevening,whenwereturnedtothevicar’s,andweresittingroundthetablewithourbreadendmilk,theconversationturnedonthejoysandsorrowsoftheworld,Icouldnotresistthetemptationtoinveighbitterlyagainstill-humour。"Weareapt,"
saidI,"tocomplain,but-withverylittlecause,thatourhappydaysarefew,andourevildaysmany。IfourheartswerealwaysdisposedtoreceivethebenefitsHeavensendsus,weshouldacquirestrengthtosupportevilwhenitcomes。""But,"observedthevicar’swife,"wecannotalwayscommandourtempers,somuchdependsupontheconstitution:whenthebodysuffers,themindisillatease。"
"Iacknowledgethat,"Icontinued;"butwemustconsidersuchadispositioninthelightofadisease,andinquirewhetherthereisnoremedyforit。"
"Ishouldbegladtohearone,"saidCharlotte:"atleast,Ithinkverymuchdependsuponourselves;Iknowitissowithme。Whenanythingannoysme,anddisturbsmytemper,Ihastenintothegarden,humacoupleofcountrydances,anditisallrightwithmedirectly。""ThatiswhatImeant,"Ireplied;"ill-humourresemblesindolence:itisnaturaltous;butifoncewehavecouragetoexertourselves,wefindourworkrunfreshfromourhands,andweexperienceintheactivityfromwhichweshrankarealenjoyment。"Fredericalistenedveryattentively:andtheyoungmanobjected,thatwewerenotmastersofourselves,andstilllesssoofourfeelings。"Thequestionisaboutadisagreeablefeeling,"Iadded,"fromwhicheveryonewouldwillinglyescape,butnoneknowtheirownpowerwithouttrial。Invalidsaregladtoconsultphysicians,andsubmittothemostscrupulousregimen,themostnauseousmedicines,inordertorecovertheirhealth。"
Iobservedthatthegoodoldmaninclinedhishead,andexertedhimselftohearourdiscourse;soIraisedmyvoice,andaddressedmyselfdirectlytohim。Wepreachagainstagreatmanycrimes,"
Iobserved,"butIneverrememberasermondeliveredagainstill-humour。""Thatmaydoverywellforyourtownclergymen,"
saidhe:"countrypeopleareneverill-humoured;though,indeed,itmightbeuseful,occasionally,tomywifeforinstance,andthejudge。"Wealllaughed,asdidhelikewiseverycordially,tillhefellintoafitofcoughing,whichinterruptedourconversationforatime。HerrSchmidtresumedthesubject。"Youcallillhumouracrime,"heremarked,"butIthinkyouusetoostrongaterm。""Notatall,"Ireplied,"ifthatdeservesthenamewhichissopernicioustoourselvesandourneighbours。Isitnotenoughthatwewantthepowertomakeoneanotherhappy,mustwedepriveeachotherofthepleasurewhichwecanallmakeforourselves?
Showmethemanwhohasthecouragetohidehisill-humour,whobearsthewholeburdenhimself,withoutdisturbingthepeaceofthosearoundhim。No:ill-humourarisesfromaninwardconsciousnessofourownwantofmerit,fromadiscontentwhicheveraccompaniesthatenvywhichfoolishvanityengenders。Weseepeoplehappy,whomwehavenotmadeso,andcannotendurethesight。"Charlottelookedatmewithasmile;sheobservedtheemotionwithwhichI
spoke:andatearintheeyesofFredericastimulatedmetoproceed。
"Woeuntothose,"Isaid,"whousetheirpoweroverahumanhearttodestroythesimplepleasuresitwouldnaturallyenjoy!Allthefavours,alltheattentions,intheworldcannotcompensateforthelossofthathappinesswhichacrueltyrannyhasdestroyed。"
MyheartwasfullasIspoke。Arecollectionofmanythingswhichhadhappenedpresseduponmymind,andfilledmyeyeswithtears。
"Weshoulddailyrepeattoourselves,"Iexclaimed,"thatweshouldnotinterferewithourfriends,unlesstoleavetheminpossessionoftheirownjoys,andincreasetheirhappinessbysharingitwiththem!Butwhentheirsoulsaretormentedbyaviolentpassion,ortheirheartsrentwithgrief,isitinyourpowertoaffordthemtheslightestconsolation?
"Andwhenthelastfatalmaladyseizesthebeingwhoseuntimelygraveyouhaveprepared,whenshelieslanguidandexhaustedbeforeyou,herdimeyesraisedtoheaven,andthedampofdeathuponherpallidbrow,thereyoustandatherbedsidelikeacondemnedcriminal,withthebitterfeelingthatyourwholefortunecouldnotsaveher;andtheagonisingthoughtwringsyou,thatallyoureffortsarepowerlesstoimpartevenamoment’sstrengthtothedepartingsoul,orquickenherwithatransitoryconsolation。"
AtthesewordstheremembranceofasimilarsceneatwhichIhadbeenoncepresentfellwithfullforceuponmyheart。Iburiedmyfaceinmyhandkerchief,andhastenedfromtheroom,andwasonlyrecalledtomyrecollectionbyCharlotte’svoice,whoremindedmethatitwastimetoreturnhome。WithwhattendernessshechidmeonthewayforthetooeagerinterestItookineverything!
Shedeclareditwoulddomeinjury,andthatIoughttosparemyself。Yes,myangel!Iwilldosoforyoursake。
JULY6。
Sheisstillwithherdyingfriend,andisstillthesamebright,beautifulcreaturewhosepresencesoftenspain,andshedshappinessaroundwhicheverwaysheturns。Shewentoutyesterdaywithherlittlesisters:Iknewit,andwenttomeetthem;andwewalkedtogether。Inaboutanhourandahalfwereturnedtothetown。
WestoppedatthespringIamsofondof,andwhichisnowathousandtimesdearertomethanever。Charlotteseatedherselfuponthelowwall,andwegatheredabouther。Ilookedaround,andrecalledthetimewhenmyheartwasunoccupiedandfree。
"Dearfountain!"Isaid,"sincethattimeIhavenomorecometoenjoycoolreposebythyfreshstream:Ihavepassedtheewithcarelesssteps,andscarcelybestowedaglanceuponthee。"I
lookeddown,andobservedCharlotte’slittlesister,Jane,comingupthestepswithaglassofwater。IturnedtowardCharlotte,andIfeltherinfluenceoverme。Janeatthemomentapproachedwiththeglass。Hersister,Marianne,wishedtotakeitfromher。
"No!"criedthechild,withthesweetestexpressionofface,"Charlottemustdrinkfirst。"
Theaffectionandsimplicitywithwhichthiswasutteredsocharmedme,thatIsoughttoexpressmyfeelingsbycatchingupthechildandkissingherheartily。Shewasfrightened,andbegantocry。
"Youshouldnotdothat,"saidCharlotte:Ifeltperplexed。"Come,Jane,"shecontinued,takingherhand,andleadingherdownthestepsagain,"itisnomatter:washyourselfquicklyinthefreshwater。"Istoodandwatchedthem;andwhenIsawthelittledearrubbinghercheekswithherwethands,infullbeliefthatalltheimpuritiescontractedfrommyuglybeardwouldbewashedoffbythemiraculouswater,andhow,thoughCharlottesaiditwoulddo,shecontinuedstilltowashwithallhermight,asthoughshethoughttoomuchwerebetterthantoolittle,Iassureyou,Wilhelm,Ineverattendedabaptismwithgreaterreverence;and,whenCharlottecameupfromthewell,IcouldhaveprostratedmyselfasbeforetheprophetofanEasternnation。
IntheeveningIwouldnotresisttellingthestorytoapersonwho,Ithought,possessedsomenaturalfeeling,becausehewasamanofunderstanding。ButwhatamistakeImade。HemaintaineditwasverywrongofCharlotte,thatweshouldnotdeceivechildren,thatsuchthingsoccasionedcountlessmistakesandsuperstitions,fromwhichwewereboundtoprotecttheyoung。Itoccurredtomethen,thatthisverymanhadbeenbaptisedonlyaweekbefore;soIsaidnothingfurther,butmaintainedthejusticeofmyownconvictions。WeshoulddealwithchildrenasGoddealswithus,wearehappiestundertheinfluenceofinnocentdelusions。