XIX。
TheearlyMondaymorningtrainwhichbroughtVerrianuptotownwassoveryearlythathecouldsitdowntobreakfastwithhismotheronlyalittlelaterthantheirusualhour。
Shehadcalledjoyfullytohimfromherroom,whensheheardtherattlingofhiskeyashelethimselfintotheapartment,and,afteranexchangeofgreetings,shoutedbackandforthbeforetheysaweachother,theycouldcomeatoncetothehistoryofhisabsenceovertheircoffee。
"Youmusthavehadaverygoodtime,tostaysolong。AfteryouwrotethatyouwouldnotbebackThursday,IexpecteditwouldbeSaturdaytillIgotyourtelegram。ButI’mgladyoustayed。Youcertainlyneededtherest。"
"Yes,ifthosethingsareeverarest。"Helookeddownathiscupwhilehestirredthecoffeeinit,andshestudiedhisattitude,sinceshecouldnotseehisfacefully,forthesecretofanyvitalchangethatmighthavecomeuponhim。Itcouldbethatintheintervalsinceshehadseenhimhehadseenthewomanwhowastotakehimfromher。Shewasalwayspreparingherselfforthat,knowingthatitmustcomealmostascertainlyasdeath,andknowingthatwithallherpreparationsheshouldnotbereadyforit。"I’vegotratheralongstorytotellyouandratherastrangestory,"hesaid,liftinghisheadandlookinground,butnotsoimpersonallythathismotherdidnotknowwellenoughtosaytotheSwedishserving-woman:
"Youneedn’tstay,Margit。I’llgiveMr。Philiphisbreakfast。Well!"
sheadded,whentheywerealone。
"Well,"hereturned,withasmilethatsheknewhewasforcing,"Ihaveseenthegirlthatwrotethatletter。"
"NotJerushaBrown?"
"NotJerushaBrown,butthegirlallthesame。"
"Nowgoon,Philip,anddon’tmissasingleword!"shecommandedhim,withanimperiousbreathlessness。"YouknowIwon’thurryyouorinterruptyou,butyoumust——youreallymust-tellmeeverything。Don’tleaveouttheslightestdetail。"
"Iwon’t,"hesaid。Butshewasaware,fromtimetotime,thatshewaskeepingherwordbetterthanhewaskeepinghis,inhisaccountofmeetingMissShirleyandallthefollowingevents。
"Youcanimagine,"hesaid,"whatasensationtheswooningmade,andthecommotionthatfollowedit。"
"Yes,Icanimaginethat,"sheanswered。Butshewasyetsofaithfulthatshewouldnotaskhimtogoon。
Hecontinued,unasked,"Idon’tknowjusthow,now,toaccountforitscomingintomyheadthatitwasMissAndrewswhowasmyunknowncorrespondent。IsupposeI’vealwaysunconsciouslyexpectedtomeetthatgirl,andMissAndrews’shypotheticalcasewaspsychologicallysoparallel——"
"Yes,yes!"
"AndI’vesometimesbeenafraidthatIjudgedittooharshly——thatitwasameregirlishfreakwithoutanysortofseriousimport。"
"Iwassometimesafraidso,Philip。But——"
"AndIdon’tbelievenowthatthehypotheticalcasebroughtanyintolerablestressofconscienceuponMissShirley,orthatshefaintedfromanycausebutexhaustionfromthegeneralordeal。Shewasstillweakfromthesicknessshehadbeenthrough——tooweaktobearthestrainoftheworkshehadtakenup。Ofcourse,thecatastrophegavethewholesurfacesituationaway,andImustsaythatthoseratherbanalyoungpeoplebehavedveryhumanelyaboutit。Therewasnothingbutinterestofthenicestkind,and,ifsheisgoingonwithhercareer,itwillbeeasyenoughforhertofindengagementsafterthis。"
"Whyshouldn’tshegoon?"hismotherasked,withasuspicionwhichshekeptwelloutofsight。
"Well,aswellasshecouldexplainafterwards,thecatastrophetookherworkoutofthecategoryofbusinessandmadeheracceptanceinitamatterofsentiment。"
"Sheexplainedittoyouherself?"
"Yes,thegeneralsympathyhadpenetratedtoMrs。Westangle,thoughI
don’tsaythatshehadbeenmorethannegativelyindifferenttoMissShirley’sclaimonherbefore。Asitwas,shesentformetoherroomthenextmorning,andIfoundMissShirleyalonethere。ShesaidMrs。
Westanglewouldbedowninamoment。"
Now,indeed,Mrs。Verriancouldnotgovernherselffromsaying,"Idon’tlikeit,Philip。"
"Iknewyouwouldn’t。ItwaswhatIsaidtomyselfatthetime。YouweresopresentwithmethatIseemedtohaveyoutherechaperoningtheinterview。"Hismothershrugged,andhewenton:"Shesaidshewishedtotellmesomethingfirst,andthenshesaid,"IwanttodoitwhileIhavethecourage,ifit’scourage;perhapsit’sjustdesperation。IamJerushaBrown。"
Hismotherbegan,"Butyousaid——"andthenstoppedherself。
"IknowthatIsaidshewasn’t,butsheexplained,whileIsatthererathermum,thattherewasreallyanothergirl,andthattheothergirl’snamewasreallyJerushaBrown。ShewasthedaughterofthepostmasterinthevillagewhereMissShirleywaspassingthesummer。Infact,MissShirleywasboardinginthepostmaster’sfamily,andthegirlshadbecomeveryfriendly。Theywerereadingmystorytogether,andtalkingaboutit,andtryingtoguesshowitwouldcomeout,justasthelettersaid,andtheysimultaneouslyhituponthenotionofwritingtome。Itseemedtothemthatitwouldbeagoodjoke——I’mnotdefendingit,mother,andI
mustsayMissShirleydidn’tdefendit,either——toworkuponmyfeelingsinthewaytheytried,andtheydidn’trealizewhattheyhaddonetillArmiger’slettercame。Italmostdrovethemwild,shesaid;buttheyhadalucidinterval,andtheytookthelettertothegirl’sfatherandtoldhimwhattheyhaddone。Hewasawfullyseverewiththemfortheirfoolishness,andsaidtheymustwritetoArmigeratonceandconfessthefact。Thentheysaidtheyhadwrittenalready,andshowedhimthesecondletter,andexplainedtheyhaddecidedtoletMissBrawnwriteitinherpersonaloneforthereasonshegaveinit。ButMissShirleytoldhimshewasreadytotakeherfullshareoftheblame,and,ifanythingcameofit,sheauthorizedhimtoputthewholeblameonher。"
Verrianmadeapausewhichhismothertookforinvitationorpermissiontoask,"Andwashesatisfiedwiththat?"
"Idon’tknow。Iwasn’t,andit’sonlyjusttoMissShirleytosaythatshewasn’t,either。Shedidn’ttrytojustifyittome;shemerelysaidshewassofrightenedthatshecouldn’thavedoneanything。ShemayhaverealizedmorethantheBrowngirlwhattheyhaddone。"
"Thepostmaster,didheregarditasanythingworsethanfoolishness?"
"Idon’tbelievehedid。Atanyrate,hewassatisfiedwithwhathisdaughterhaddoneinowningup。"
"Well,Ialwayslikedthatgirl’sletter。Anddidtheyshowhimyourletter?"
"Itseemsthattheydid。"
"Andwhatdidhesayaboutthat?"
"Isuppose,whatIdeserved。MissShirleywouldn’tsay,explicitly。Hewantedtoanswerit,buttheywouldn’tlethim。Idon’tknowbutI
shouldfeelbetterifhehad。Ihaven’tbeenproudofthatletterofmineastimehasgoneon,mother;IthinkIbehavedverynarrow-mindedly,verypersonallyinit。"
"Youbehavedjustly。"
"Justly?Ithoughtyouhadyourdoubtsofthat。Atanyrate,Ihadwhenitcametohearingthegirlaccusingherselfasifshehadbeenguiltyofsomemonstrouswickedness,andIrealizedthatIhadmadeherfeelso。"
"Shethrewherselfonyourpity!"
"No,shedidn’t,mother。Don’tmakeitimpossibleformetotellyoujusthowitwas。"
"Iwon’t。Goon。"
"Idon’tsayshewasmanlyaboutit;thatcouldn’tbe,butshewascertainlynotthrowingherselfonmypity,unless——unless——"
"What?"
"Unlessyoucallitsoforhertosaythatshewantedtoownuptome,becauseshecouldhavenoresttillshehaddoneso;shecouldn’tputitbehindhertillshehadacknowledgedit;shecouldn’twork;shecouldn’tgetwell。"
Hesawhismothertryingtoconsideritfairly,andinresponseherenewedhisownresolutionnottomakehimselfthegirl’sadvocatewithher,buttocontinuethedispassionatehistorianofthecase。Atthesametimehismemorywasfilledwiththevisionofhowshehaddoneandsaidthethingshewastelling,withwhatpathos,withwhatgrace,withwhatbeautyinherappeal。Hesawthetearsthatcameintohereyesattimesandthatsheindignantlyrepressedasshehurriedonintheconfessionwhichshewasvoluntarilymaking,fortherewasnooutwardstressuponhertosayanything。Hefeltagainthecharmofthesituation,thesortofwarmthandintimacy,butheresolvednottoletthatfeelingoffsettheimpartialityofhisstory。
"No,Idon’tsayshethrewherselfonyourmercy,"hismothersaid,finally。"Sheneedn’thavetoldyouanything。"
"Exceptforthereasonshegave——thatshecouldn’tmakeastartforherselftillshehaddoneso。Andshehasgotherownwaytomake;sheispoor。Ofcourse,youmaysayhermotivewasanobsession,andnotareason。"
"There’srealityinit,whateveritis;it’sagenuinemotive,"Mrs。
Verrianconceded。
"Ithinkso,"Verriansaid,inavoicewhichhetriedtokeepfromsoundingtoograteful。
Apparentlyhismotherdidnotfinditso。Sheasked,"Whathadbeenthematterwithher,didshesay?"
"Inherlongsickness?Oh!Anervousfeverofsomesort。"
"Fromworryingaboutthatexperience?"
Verrianreluctantlyadmitted,"Shesaiditmadeherwanttodie。Idon’tsupposewecanquiterealize——"
"Weneedn’tbelieveeverythingshesaidtorealizethatshesuffered。
Butgirlsexaggeratetheirsufferings。Isupposeyoutoldhernottothinkofitanymore?"
Verriangaveanoddlaugh。"Well,notunconditionally。Itriedtogivehermypointofview。AndIstipulatedthatsheshouldtellJerushaBrownallaboutit,andkeepherfromhavinganervousfever,too。"
"Thatwasright。Youmustseethatevencowardicecouldn’texcuseherselfishnessinlettingthatgirltakeallthechances。"
"AndI’mafraidIwasnotveryunselfishmyselfinmystipulations,"
Verriansaid,withanotherlaugh。"IthinkthatIwantedtostandwellwiththepostmaster。"
TherewasanoteofcynicaleaseinthiswhichMrs。Verrianfoundmorallysomeoctaveslowerthanthepitchofherson’shabitualseriousnessinwhatconcernedhimself,butshecouldnotmakeitacensuretohim。"Andyouwereabletoreassureher,sothatsheneedn’tthinkofitanymore?"
"Whatwouldyouhavewishedmetodo?"hereturned,dryly。"Don’tyouthinkshehadsufferedenough?"
"Oh,inthissortofthingitdoesn’tseemthequestionofsuffering。
Ifthere’swrongdonethepenaltydoesn’trightit。"
ThenotionstruckVerrian’sartisticsense。"That’strue。Thatwouldmakethe’donnee’ofastrongstory。Oraplay。It’sadramaoffate。
It’sGreek。ButIthoughtwelivedunderanotherdispensation。"
"WillshetrytogetmoreofthekindofthingshewasdoingforMrs。
Westangleatonce?Orhasshesomepeople?"
"No;onlyfriends,asIunderstand。"
"Whereisshefrom?Upcountry?"
"No,she’sfromtheSouth。"
"Idon’tlikeSoutherners!"
"Iknowyoudon’t,mother。ButyoumusthonorthewaytheyworkandgetonwhentheycomeNorthandbegindoingforthemselves。Besides,MissShirley’sfamilywentSouthafterthewar——"
"Oh,notevenaREALSoutherner!"
"Mother!"
"Iknow!I’mnotfair。Ioughttobegherpardon。AndIoughttobegladit’sallover。Shallyouseeheragain?"
"Itmighthappen。ButIdon’tknowhoworwhen。Wepartedfriends,butwepartedstrangers,sofarasanyprevisionofthefutureisconcerned,"
Verriansaid。
Hismotherdrewalongbreath,whichshetriedtorenderinaudible。
"Andthegirlthataskedherthestrangequestions,didyouseeheragain?"
"Ohyes。Shehadacuriousfascination。Ishouldliketotellyouabouther。Doyouthinkthere’ssuchathingasagirl’sbeingtooinnocent?"
"Itisn’tsocommonasnotbeinginnocentenough。"
"Butit’smoredifficult?"
"Ihopeyou’llneverfinditso,myson,"Mrs。Verriansaid。Andforthefirsttimeshewasintentionallypersonal。"Goon。"
"AboutMissAndrews?"
"Whicheveryouplease。"
"Shewaylaidmeintheafternoon,asIwascominghomefromawalk,andwantedtotalkwithmeaboutMissShirley。"
"IsupposeMissShirleywastheday’sheroineafterwhathadhappened?"
"Thehalf-day’s,orquarter-day’sheroine,perhaps。SheleftonthechurchtrainfortownyesterdaymorningsoonafterIsawher。MissAndrewsseemedtothinkIwasanauthorityonthesubject,andsheapproachedmewithalarge-eyedawethatwasveryamusing,thoughitwasaffecting,too。Isupposethatgirlsmusthavemanyworshipsforothergirlsbeforetheyhaveanyworshipforaman。Thisgirlcouldn’tseparateMissShirley,onthelookoutforanotherengagement,fromthepsychicalpartshehadplayed。Sheravedabouther;shethoughtshewasbeautiful,andshewantedtoknowallaboutherandhowshecouldhelpher。MissAndrews’sparentsarerichbutrespectable,Iunderstand,andshe’sanonlychild。Icameinforashareofherawe;shehadfoundoutthatIwasnotonlynotVerriantheactor,butanauthorofthesamename,andshehadreadmystorywithpassionateinterest,butapparentlyinthatunliterarywayofmanypeoplewithoutnoticingwhowroteit;sheseemedtohavethoughtitwasHardingDavisorHenryJames;shewasn’tclearwhich。Butitwasagooddealtohavehadherreaditatallinthathouse;Idon’tbelieveanybodyelsehad,exceptMissShirleyandMissMacroyd。"
Mrs。Verriandeferredamatterthatwouldordinarilyhaveinterestedhersupremelytoanimmediatecuriosity。"AndhowcameshetothinkyouwouldknowsomuchaboutMissShirley?"
Verrianfrowned。"IthinkfromMissMacroyd。MissMacroydseemstohavetakenagrandmotherlyconcerninmyaffairsthroughthewholeweek。
Perhapssheresentedhavingbehavedsopiggishlyatthestationthedaywecame,andmeanttotakeitoutofMissShirleyandmyself。Shehadseenustogetherinthewoods,oneday,andshemusthavetolditabout。
Mrs。Westanglewouldn’thavespokenofustogether,becausesheneverspeaksofanythingunlessitisgoingtocount;andtherewasnooneelsewhoknewofouracquaintance。"
"Why,myson,ifyouwentwalkinginthewoodswiththegirl,anyonemighthaveseenyou。"
"Ididn’t。Itwasquitebyaccidentthatwemetthere。MissShirleywasanxioustokeepherpresenceinthehouseasecretfromeverybody。"
Mrs。Verrianwouldnottakeanybuttheopenway,withthis。Shewouldnotdealindirectly,withit,orinanywisecovertlyorsurreptitiously。
"ItseemstomethatMissShirleyhasratherafondnessforsecrecy,"shesaid。
"Ithinkshehas,"Verrianadmitted。"Though,inthiscase,itwasessentialtothesuccessofherfinalscheme。Butsheisacuriousstudy。Isupposethattimidityisatthebottomofallfondnessforsecrecy,isn’tit?"
"Idon’tknow。Shedoesn’tseemtobetimidineverything。"
"Sayitout,mother!"Verrianchallengedherwithasmile。"You’renottimid,anyway!"
"Shehadthecouragetojoininthatletter,butnotthecouragetoownherpartinit。ShewasbraveenoughtoconfessthatshehadbeensickofanervousfeverfromtheansweryouwrotetotheBrowngirl,butshewouldn’thavebeenbraveenoughtoconfessanythingatallifshehadbelievedshewouldbephysicallyormorallystrongenoughtokeepit。"
"Perhapsnobody——nobodybutyou,mother——isbraveintherighttimeandplace。"
Sheknewthatthiswasnotmeantinirony。"Iamgladyousaythat,Philip。"
"It’sonlyyourdue。Butaren’tyoualittletooharduponcowards,attimes?Forthesortofpersonsheis,ifyouinferthesortfromtheworstappearanceshehasmadeinthewholebusiness,Ithinkshehasdoneprettywell。"
"WhyhadshelefttheBrowngirltotakeallyourresentmentaloneforthelastsixoreightmonths?"
"Shemayhavethoughtthatshewasgettinghershareofthepunishmentinthefevermyresentmentbroughton?"
"Philip,doyoureallybelievethatherfever,ifshehadone,camefromthat?"
"Ithinkshebelievesit,andthere’snodoubtbutshewasbadlyscared。"
"Oh,there’snodoubtofthat!"
"Butcome,mother,whyshouldwetakeherattheworst?Ofcourse,shehasacomplexnature。Iseethatasclearlyasyoudo。Idon’tbelievewelookatherdiversely,inthesmallestparticular。Butwhyshouldn’tacomplexnaturebecreditedwiththesameimpulsestowardsthetruthasasinglenature?Whyshouldn’tweallowthatMissShirleyhadthesamewishtosetherselfrightwithmeasMissAndrewswouldhavehadinherplace?"
"Idaresayshewishedtosetherselfrightwithyou,butnotfromthesamewishthatMissAndrewswouldhavehad。MissAndrewswouldnothavewishedyoutoknowthetruthforherownsake。Hermotivewouldhavebeendirect-straight。"
"Yes;andwewilldescribeherasastraightline,andMissShirleyasawavingline。Whyshouldn’tthewavingline,atitshighestpoints,touchthesamealtitudeasthestraightline?"
"Itwouldn’ttouchitallthetime,andincharacter,ornature,asyoucallit,thatisthegreatthing。It’satthelowestpointsthatthewavinglineisdangerous。"
"Well,Idon’tdenythat。ButI’manxioustobejusttoapersonwhohasn’texperiencedagreatdealofmercyforwhat,afterall,wasn’tsuchaveryheinousthingasIusedtothinkit。Youmustallowthatshewasn’tobligedtotellmeanythingaboutherself。"
"Yes,shewas,Philip。AsIsaidbefore,shehadn’tthephysicalormoralstrengthtokeepitfromyouwhenshewasbroughtfacetofacewithyou。Besides——"Mrs。Verrianhesitated。
"Outwithit,mother!We,atleast,won’thaveanyconcealments。"
"Shemayhavethought,shecouldclinchitinthatway。"
"Clinchwhat?"
"Youknow。Isshepretty?"
"She’s——interesting。"
"Thatcanalwaysbemanaged。Isshetall?"
"NO,Ithinkshe’sratheroutofstylethere;she’sratherpetite。"
"Andwhat’sherfacelike?"
"Well,shehasnoparticularcomplexion,butit’snotthick。Hereyesarethebestofher,thoughthereisn’tmuchofthem。They’rethe’watersonastarrynight’sort,verysweetandglimmering。Shehasakindofground-coloredhairandanicelittlechin。Hermouthhelpshereyesout;itlooksbestwhenshespeaks;it’spatheticintheplayofthelips。"
"Isee,"Mrs。Verriansaid。
XX。
ThefollowingweekVerrianandhismotherwereatashowofpaintings,inthegalleryattherearofadealer’sshop,andwhiletheywerebendingtogethertolookatapictureheheardhimselfcalledtoinagirlishvoice,"Oh,Mr。Verrian!"asifhisbeingtherewasthegreatestwonderintheworld。
Hismotherandheliftedthemselvestoencounteratall,slimgirl,whowasstretchingherhandtowardshim,andwhonowcriedout,joyously,"Oh,Mr。Verrian,Ithoughtitmustbeyou,butIwasafraiditwasn’tassoonasIspoke。Oh,I’msogladtoseeyou;Iwantsomuchtohaveyouknowmymother——Mr。Verrian,"shesaid,presentinghim。
"AndIyoumine,"Verrianresponded,inaviolentellipse,andintroducedhisownmother,whotookinthefactofMissAndrews’stallthinness,toppedwithawide,whitehatandwavingwhiteplumes,andherlittleface,irregularandsomewhatgaunt,butwithacharminthelipsandeyeswhichtooktheelderwoman’sheartwithpathos。ShemadetalkwithMrs。
Andrews,whoaffectedoneashavingthematerialsofsocialseverityinhercostumeandmanner。
"Oh,Ididn’tbelieveIshouldeverseeyouagain,"thegirlbrokeoutimpulsivelyuponVerrian。"Oh,IwantedtoaskyousoaboutMissShirley。Haveyouseenhersinceyougotback?"
"No,"Verriansaid,"Ihaven’tseenher。"
"Oh,Ithoughtperhapsyouhad。I’vebeentotheaddressthatMrs。
Westanglegaveme,butsheisn’tthereanymore;she’sgoneupintoHarlemsomewhere,andIhaven’tbeenabletocallagain。Oh,Idofeelsoanxiousabouther。Oh,Idohopesheisn’till。Doyouthinksheis?"
"Idon’tbelieveso,"Verrianbegan。Butshesweptoverhisprostrateremark。
"Oh,Mr。Verrian,don’tyouthinkshe’swonderful?I’vebeentellingmotheraboutit,andIdon’tfeelatallthewayshedoes。Doyou?"
"Howdoesshefeel?ImustknowthatbeforeIsay。"
"Why,ofcourse!Ihadn’ttoldyou!Shethinksitwasamake-upbetweenMissShirleyandthatMr。Bushwick。ButIsayitcouldn’thavebeen。Doyouthinkitcould?"
Verrianfoundthesuggestionsodistasteful,forareasonwhichhedidnotquiteseizehimself,thatheanswered,resentfully,"Itcouldhavebeen,butIdon’tthinkitwas。"
"Iwilltellherwhatyousay。Oh,mayItellherwhatyousay?"
"Idon’tseewhyyoushouldn’t。Itisn’tveryimportant,eitherway,isit?"
"Oh,don’tyouthinkso?Notifitinvolvedpretendingwhatwasn’ttrue?"
Shebenttowardshiminsuchanxiousdemandthathecouldnothelpsmiling。
"Thewholethingwasapretence,wasn’tit?"hesuggested。
"Yes,butthatwouldhavebeenapretencethatwedidn’tknowof。"
"Itwouldbeincriminatingtothatextent,certainly,"Verrianowned,ironically。HefoundthequestionofMissShirley’sblameforthecollusionasdistastefulasthesuppositionofthecollusion,buttherewasafascinationintheinnocencebeforehim,andhecouldnothelpplayingwithit。
SometimesMissAndrewsapparentlyknewthathewasplayingwithherinnocence,andsometimesshedidnot。Butineithercasesheseemedtolikebeinghisjest,fromwhichshesnatchedafearfuljoy。Shewaswillingtoprolongtheexperience,andshedriftedwithhimfrompicturetopicture,andkeptthetalkrecurrentlytoMissShirleyandthephenomenaofSeeingGhosts。
HermotherandMrs。Verrianevidentlygotontogetherbetterthaneitherofthematfirstexpected。Whenitcametotheirparting,throughMrs。
Andrews’ssayingthatshemustbegoing,sheshookhandswithMrs。
VerrianandsaidtoPhilip,"Iamsogladtohavemetyou,Mr。Verrian。
Willyoucomeandseeus?"
"Yes,thankyou,"heanswered,takingthehandshenowofferedhim,andthentakingMissAndrews’shand,whilethegirl’seyesglowedwithpleasure。"Ishallbeveryglad。"
"Oh,shallyou?"shesaid,withhertransparentsincerity。"Andyouwon’tforgetThursdays!Butanydayatfivewehavetea。"
"Thankyou,"Verriansaid。ImightforgettheThursdays,butIcouldn’tforgetallthedaysoftheweek。"
MissAndrewslaughedandblushedatonce。"Thenweshallexpectyoueveryday。"
"Well,everydaybutThursday,"hepromised。
WhenthemotheranddaughterhadgoneMrs。Verriansaid,"Sheisagreatadmirerofyours,Philip。She’sreadyourstory,andIsuspectshewantsanopportunitytotalkwithyouaboutit。"
"YoumeanMrs。Andrews?"
"Yes。Isupposethedaughterhasn’twaitedforanopportunity。Themotherhadreadthatpublisher’sparagraphaboutyourinvalid,andwantedtoknowifyouhadeverheardfromheragain。Womenarepersonalintheirliteraryinterests。"
Philipasked,indismay,"Youdidn’tgiveitawaydidyou,mother?"
"Certainlynot,mydear。Youhavebroughtmeuptoocarefully。"
"Ofcourse。Ididn’timagineyouhad。"
Then,astheycouldnotpretendtolookatthepicturesanylonger,theywentaway,too。TheirissueintotheopenairseemedfraughtwithnovelemotionforMrs。Verrian。"Well,now,"shesaid,"IhaveseenthewomanIwouldbewillingmysonshouldmarry。"
"Child,youmean,"Philipsaid,notpretendingthathedidnotknowshemeantMissAndrews。
"Thatgirl,"hismotherreturned,"isinnocenceitself。Oh,Philip,dear,domarryher!"
"Well,Idon’tknow。Ifhermotherisbehavingassagelywithherasyouarewithmethechancesarethatshewon’tletme。Besides,Idon’tknowthatIwanttomarryquitesomuchinnocence。"
"Sheisconscienceincarnate,"hismotheruttered,perfervidly。
"Youcouldputyourverysoulinherkeeping。"
"Thenyouwouldbeoutofajob,mother。"
"Oh,Iamnotworthyofthejob,mydear。Ihavealwaysfeltthat。Iamtoocomplex,andsometimesIcan’tseetherightalone,asshecould。"
Philipwassilentamomentwhilehelostthepersonalpointofview。
"Isuspectwedon’tseetherightwhenweseeitalone。Weoughttoseethewrong,too。"
"Ah,Philip,don’tletyourfancygoafterthatgirl!"
"MissAndrews?Ithought——"
"Don’tyoubecomplex,mydear。YouknowImeanMissShirley。Whathasbecomeofher,Iwonder。IheardMissAndrewsaskingyou。"
"Iwasn’tabletotellher。Doyouwantmetotrytellingyou?"
"Iwouldratheryounevercould。"
Philiplaughedsardonically。"Now,IshallforgetThursdaysandalltheotherdays,too。Youareaveryunwiseparent,mother。"
Theylaughedwitheachotherateachother,andtreatedherenthusiasmforMissAndrewsasthejokeitpartlywas。Mrs。Verriandidnotfollowhimupaboutheridol,andaweekorsolatershewasabletoaffectadecentsurprisewhenhecameinattheendofanafternoonanddeclinedthecupofteasheproposedonthegroundthathehadbeentakingacupofteawiththeAndrewses。"Youhavereallybeenthere?"
"Didn’tyouexpectmetokeepmypromise?"
"ButIwasafraidIhadputastumbling-blockintheway。"
"Oh,IfoundIcouldturntheconsciousnessyoucreatedinmeintoliterarymaterial,andsoIwasrathereagertogo。Ihavegotapointformynewstoryoutofit。IshallhavemyfellowsufferallIdidn’tsufferinmeetingthegirlheknowshismotherwantshimtomarry。Igotonverywellwiththoseladies。Mrs。Andrewsisthemotherofinnocence,butsheisn’tinnocence。Shemanagedtotalkofmystorywithoutaskingaboutthepersonwhowantedtoanticipatetheconclusion。Thatwaswhatyoucallcomplex。Shewasinsincere;itwastheonlythingshewantedtotalkabout。"
"Idon’tbelieveit,Philip。ButwhatdidMissAndrewstalkabout?"
"Well,sheisratheranoptimisticconscience。Shetalkedaboutbooksandplaysthatsomepeopledonotthinkarequiteproper。Ihaveanotionthat,wherethepointinvolvedisn’tafactofherownexperience,sheisnotverysevereaboutit。Youthinkthatwouldbequitesafeforme?"
"Philip,Idon’tlikeyourmakingfunofher!"
"Oh,shewasn’tinsipid;shewasonlylimpid。Ireallylikeher,and,asforreverencingher,ofcourseIfeelthatinawaysheissacred。"
Headded,afterabreath,"Toosacred。WenoneofuscanexpecttomarryEvebeforetheFallnow;perhapswehavegotoverwantingto。"
"Youareveryperverse,mydear。Butyouwillgetoverthat。"
"Don’ttakeawaymylastdefence,mother。"
VerrianbegantogoratherregularlytotheAndrewshouse,or,atleast,hewasaccusedofdoingitbyMissMacroydwhen,veryirregularly,hewentonedaytoseeher。"Howdidyouknowit?"heasked。
"Ididn’tsayIknewit。Ionlywishedtoknowit。NowIamsatisfied。
ImetanotherfriendofyoursonSunday。"Shepausedforhimtoaskwho;
buthedidnotask。"Iseeyouaredyingtoknowwhatfriend:Mr。
Bushwick。"
"Oh,he’sagood-fellow。IwonderIdon’trunacrosshim。"
"Perhapsthat’sbecauseyounevercallonMissShirley。"MissMacroydwaitedforthistotakeeffect,buthekeptaglacialsurfacetowardsher,andshewenton:
"Theywerewalkingtogetherintheparkatnoon。Isupposetheyhadbeentochurchtogether。"
Verrianmanifestednomorethanapoliteinterestinthefact。HemanagedsowellthatheconfirmedMissMacroydinatacitconjecture。
Shewenton:"MissShirleywaslookingquitebloomingforher。Butsowashe,forthatmatter。Whydon’tyouaskiftheyinquiredforyou?"
"Ithoughtyouwouldtellmewithout。"
"Iwilltellyouifhedid。Hewasverycordialinhisinquiries;andI
hadtopretend,togratifyhim,thatyouwereverywell。IimpliedthatyoucamehereeveryTuesday,butyourThursdayswerededicatedtoMissAndrews。"
"Youareacleverwoman,MissMacroyd。Ishouldneverhavethoughtofsomuchtosayonsuchanuninterestingsubject。AndMissShirleyshowednocuriosity?"
"Ah,sheisacleverwoman,too。Sheshowedtheprettiestkindofcuriosity——soperfectlymanaged。Shehasastudio——Idon’tknowjusthowsheputsittouse——withapaintergirlinoneofthosestudioapartmenthousesontheWestSide:TheVeronese,Ibelieve。Youmustgoandseeher;I’llletyouhavenextTuesdayoff;Tuesday’sherday,too。"
"Youaregenerosityitself,MissMacroyd。"
"Yes,there’snothingmeanaboutme,"shereturned,inslangratherolderthansheordinarilyused。"Ifyou’renotherenextTuesdayIshallknowwhereyouare。"
"ThenImusttakeagoodmanyTuesdaysoff,unlessIwanttogivemyselfaway。"
"Oh,don’tdothat,Mr。Verrian!Please!OrelseIcan’tletyouhaveanyTuesdayoff。"
XXI。
Uponthewhole,VerrianthoughthewouldgotoseeMissShirleythenextTuesday,buthedidnotsaysotoMissMacroyd。Nowthatheknewwherethegirlwas,allthepeculiarinterestshehadinspiredinhimreneweditself。ItwassovividthathecouldnotpayhisusualThursdaycallatMissAndrews’s,anditfilledhismindtotheexclusionofthenewstoryhehadbeguntowrite。Heloafedhismorningsawayathisclub,andhelunchedthere,leavinghismothertolunchalone,andwasdreamilypreoccupiedintheeveningswhichhespentathome,sittingathisdesk,withthepaperbeforehim,unabletocoaxthethoughtsfromhisbraintoitsalluringblank,butrestiveunderanyattemptsofherstotalkwithhim。
Inhisdesperationhewouldhavegonetothetheatre,butthefactthattheasswhorightfullycalledhimselfVerrianwasplayingatoneofthemblockedhisway,throughhisindignation,toallofthem。BySaturdayafternoonthetedioustimehadtobedonesomethingwith,andhedecidedtogoandseewhattheasswaslike。
Hewentearly,andfoundhimselfintheendseatofalongrowofmanyrowsofwomen,whowereprolongingthetimeofkeepingtheirhatsontillcustomobligedthemtotakethemoff。Hegavesomuchnoticetothewomannexthimastoseethatshewasdeeplyveiledaswellaswidelyhatted,andthenhelapsedintoadrearymuse,whichwasbrokenbythefirststrainsoftheoverture。Thenhedivertedhimselfbylookingroundatallthoseranksofwomenliftingtheirarmstotakeoutthemhat-pinsanddroppingthemtopintheirhatstotheseat-backsinfrontofthem,ortosecurethemsomehowintheirlaps。Uponthewhole,hethoughtthemanoeuvregracefulandpleasing;heimaginedaconsolationinitforthewomen,who,iftheywereforcedbypublicopiniontoputofftheircharminghats,wouldknowhowcharminglytheydidit。Eachturnedalittle,eitherherbodyorherhead,andlookedinanycaseoutofthecornerofhereyes;andhewasphrasingitallforasceneinhisstory,whenhelookedroundathisneighbortoseehowshehadmanaged,orwasmanaging,withherveil。Atthesamemomentshelookedathim,andtheireyesmet。
"Mr。Verrian!"
"MissShirley!"
Thestressoftheirvoicesfellupondifferentpartsofthesentencestheyuttered,butdidnotcommiteitherofthemtoaspecialrole。
"Howverystrangeweshouldmeethere!"shesaid,withpleasureinhervoice。"Doyouknow,Ihavebeenwantingtocomeallwintertoseethisman,onaccountofhisname?AndtothinkthatIshouldmeettheotherMr。VerrianassoonasIyieldedtothetemptation。"
"Ihavejustyieldedmyself,"Verriansaid。"Ihopeyoudon’tfeelpunishedforyielding。"
"Oh,dear,no!Itseemsareward。"
Shedidnotsaywhyitseemedso,andhesuggested,"TheprivilegeofcomparingthehistrionicandtheliteraryVerrian?"
"Couldtherebeanycomparison?"shecameback,gayly。
"Idon’tknow。Ihaven’tseenthehistrionicVerrianyet。"
Theywerelaughingwhenthecurtainrose,andthehistrionicVerrianhadhisinningsforalong,longfirstact。WhenthecurtainfellsheturnedtotheliteraryVerrianandsaid,"Well?"
"Helastedagoodwhile,"Verrianreturned。
"Yes。Didn’the?"Shelookedatthelittlewatchinherwristlet。
"Awholehour!Doyouknow,Mr。Verrian,Iamgoingtoseemveryrude。
Iamgoingtoleaveyoutosettlethisquestionofsuperiority;Iknowyou’llbeimpartial。Ihaveanappointment——withthedressmaker,tobespecific——athalf-pastfour,andit’shalf-pastthreenow,andIcouldn’twellleaveinthemiddleofthenextact。SoIwillsaygood-byenow——"
"Don’t!"heentreated。"Icouldn’tbeartobeleftalonewiththisdreadfuldoubleofmine。Letmegooutwithyou。"
"CanIacceptsuchself-sacrifice?Well!"
Shehadputonherhatandrisen,andhenowsteppedoutofhisplacetoletherpassandthenfollowedher。Atthestreetentrancehesuggested,"Ahansom,orasimpletrolley?"
"Idon’tknow,"shemurmured,meditatively,lookingupthestreetasifthatwouldsettleit。"Ifit’sonlyhalf-pastthreenow,Ishouldhavetimetogethomemorenaturally。"
"Oh!Andwillyouletmewalkwithyou?"
"Why,ifyou’regoingthatway。"
"IwillsaywhenIknowwhichwayitis。"
TheystartedontheirwalksoblithelythattheydidnotsaddenintheretrospectoftheirjointexperiencesatMrs。Westangle’s。BythetimetheyreachedtheparkgateatColumbusCircletheyhadcomesodistinctlytotheendoftheirretrospectthatshemadeanofferoflettinghimleaveher,averytacitoffer,butunmistakable,ifhechosetotakeit。
Heinterpretedherhesitationashechose。"No,"hesaid,"itwon’tbeanylongerifwegoupthroughthepark。"
Shedrewinherbreathsoftly,smoothingdownhermuffwithherrighthandwhileshekeptherleftinit。"Anditwillcertainlybepleasanter。"Whentheywerewellupthepath,inthatpartofitwhereitdeflectsfromthedrivewithoutapproachingthestreettooclosely,andachievessomethingofseclusion,shesaid:
"Yourspeakingofhimjustnowmakesmewanttotellyousomething,Mr。
Verrian。Youwouldhearofitverysoon,anyway,andIfeelthatitisalwaysbesttobeveryfrankwithyou;butyou’llregarditasasecrettillitcomesout。"
ThecurrentsthathadbeenplayingsowarmlyinandoutofVerrian’sheartturnedsuddenlycold。Hesaid,withjoylessmocking,"Youknow,I’musedtokeepingyoursecrets。I——shallfeelhonored,I’msure,ifyoutrustmewithanother。"
"Yes,"shereturned,pathetically,"youhavealwaysbeenfaithful——eveninyourwounds。"Itwastheirjointtributetothepainfulpast,andtheyhadpaidnoother。Shewaslookingawayfromhim,butheknewshewasawareofhishanginghishead。"That’sallovernow,"sheuttered,passionately。"WhatIwantedtosay——totellyou——isthatIamengagedtoMr。Bushwick。"
Hecouldhaveansweredthatshehadnoneedtotellhim。Thecoldcurrentsinandoutofhisheartstiffenedfrozenlyandceasedtoflow;
hisheartitselfstoodstillforaneternalinstant。Itwasinthisinstantthathesaid,"Heisafinefellow。"Afterwards,amidthewildboundingofhisrecoveredpulse,hecouldadd,"Icongratulatehim;I
congratulateyouboth。"
"Thankyou,"shesaid。"NooneknowsasIdohowgoodheis——hasbeen,allthrough。"ProbablyshehadnotmeanttoconveyanyreproachtoVerrianbyBushwick’spraise,buthefeltreproachinit。"Itonlyhappenedlastweek。Youdowishmehappy,don’tyou?NooneknowswhatawinterIhavehadtillnow。Everythingseemingtofail——"
Shechoked,anddidnotsaymore。Hesaid,aimlessly,"Iamsorry——"
"Letmesitdownamoment,"shebegged。Andshedroppeduponthebenchatwhichshefaltered,andrestedthere,asiffromtheexhaustionofrunning。Whenshecouldgetherbreathshebeganagain:"ThereissomethingelseIwanttotellyou。"
Shestopped。Andheasked,toprompther,"Yes?"
"Thankyou,"sheanswered,piteously。Andsheadded,withsuperficialinconsequence,"Ishallalwaysthinkyouwereverycruel。"
Hedidnotpretendnottoknowwhatshemeant,andhesaid,"Ishallalwaysthinkso,too。Itriedtorevengemyselfforthehurtyourharmlesshoaxdidmyvanity。Ofcourse,ImadebelieveatthetimethatIwasdoinganactofjustice,butIneverwasabletobraveitoutafterwards。"
"Butyouwere——youweredoinganactofjustice。Ideservedwhatyousaid,butIdidn’tdeservewhathasfollowed。Imeantnoharm——itwasasillyprank,andIhavesufferedforitasifitwereacrime,andtheconsequencesarenotendedyet。Ishouldthinkthat,ifthereisamoralgovernmentoftheuniverse,theJudgeofalltheearthwouldknowwhentoholdhishand。Andnowtheworstofitistocomeyet。"ShecaughtVerrian’sarm,asifforhelp。
"Don’t——don’t!"hebesoughther。"Whatwillpeoplethink?"
"Yes,Yes!"sheowned,releasinghimandwithdrawingtotheotherendoftheseat。
"Butitalmostdrivesmewild。WhatshallIdo?Yououghttoknow。Itisyourfault。Youhavefrightenedmeoutofdaringtotellthetruth。"
Hadhe,indeed,donethat?Verrianaskedhimself,anditseemedtohimthathehaddonesomethinglikeit。Ifitwasso,hemusthelpheroverherfearnow。Heanswered,bluntly,harshly:"Youmusttellhimallaboutit——"
"Butifhewon’tbelieveme?Doyouthinkhewillbelieveme?Wouldyoubelieveme?"
"Youhavenothingtodowiththat。Thereisnothingforyoubuttotellhimthewholestory。Youmustn’tsharesuchasecretwithanyonebutyourhusband。Whenyoutellhimitwillceasetobemysecret。"
"Yes,yes。"
"Well,then,youmusttellhim,unless——"
"Yes,"sheprompted。
Thentheywerebothsilent,lookingintenselyintoeachother’seyes。InthatmomentallelseoflifeseemedtomeltandswimawayfromVerrianandleavehimstrandeduponanawfuleminenceconfrontingher。
"Hello,hello!"agayvoicecalled,asifcallingtothemboth。"Whatareyoutwoconspiring?"Bushwick,assuddenlyasifhehadfallenfromtheskyorstartedupfromtheearth,stoodbeforethem,andgaveahandtoeach——hisrighttoVerrian,hislefttoMissShirley。"Howareyou,Verrian?Howareyou,MissShirley?"Hemockedherintheformalityofhisaddress。"I’vebeenshadowingyoueversinceyoucameintothepark,butIthoughtIwouldn’tinterrupttillyouseemedtohavegotthroughyourconversation。MayIaskwhatitwasallabout?Itseemedveryabsorbing,fromarespectfuldistance。"
"Veryabsorbing,indeed,"MissShirleysaid,makingroomforhimbetweenthem。"Sitdownandletmetellyou。You’retobeapartnerinthesecret。"
"Silentpartner,"Bushwicksuggested。
"Ihopeyou’llalwaysbesilent,"thegirlsharedinhisdrolling。
Shebeganandtoldthewholestorytothelastdetail,sparingneitherherselfnorVerrian,wholistenedasifheweresomeoneelsenotconcerned,andkeptsayingtohimself,"whatcourage!"Bushwicklistenedasmutely,withafacethat,toVerrian’seye,seemedtohardenfromitslightjocosityintoaseverityhehadnotseeninitbefore。"Itwassomething,"sheendedtowardsBushwick,withacatchinherbreath,"thatyouhadtoknow。"
"Yes,"heanswered,tonelessly。
"Andnow——sheattemptedalittleforlornplayfulness——"don’tyouthinkhegavemewhatIdeserved?"
Bushwickroseupandtookherhandunderhisarm,keepinghislefthanduponhers。
"He!Who?"
"Mr。Verrian。"
"Idon’tknowanyMr。Verrian。Come,you’lltakecoldhere。"
HeturnedhisbackonVerrian,whofanciedatremorinherhat,asifshewouldlookroundathim;butthen,asifshedivinedBushwick’sintention,shedidnotlookround,andtogethertheylefthim。
ItwasdaysbeforeVerriancouldconfesshimselfofthefacttohismother,wholistenedwiththejusticeinstinctiveinher。Shestillhadnotspokenwhenheended,andhesaid,"Ihavethoughtitallover,andI
feelthathedidright。Hedidtheonlythingthatamaninlovewithhercoulddo。AndIdon’twonderhe’sinlovewithher。Yes"——hestayedhismother,imperatively——"andsuchamanashe,thoughhegroundmeinthedirtandstampedonme,Iwillsay,it,isworthyofanywoman。Hecanbelieveinawoman,andthat’sthefirstthingthat’sneededtomakeawomanlikeher,true。Idon’tenvyhisjob。"Hewasspeakingself-
contradictorily,irrelevantly,illogically,asamanthinks。Hewentoninthatway,gettinghimselfallout。"Sheisn’tsingle-hearted,butshe’sfaithful。She’llneverbetrayhimnow。She’snevergivenhimanyreasontodistrusther。She’sthekindthatcankeeponstraightwithanyoneshe’sbegun。straightwith。Shetoldhimallthatbeforemebecauseshewantedmetoknow——torealize——thatshehadtoldhim。Ittookcourage。"
Mrs。Verrianhadthoughtofgeneralizing,butsheseizedasinglepoint。
"Perhapsnotsomuchcourageasyouthink。Youmustn’tletsuchbravadoimposeuponyou,Philip。I’venodoubtsheknewherground。"
"Shetookthechanceofhiscastingheroff。"
"Sheknewhewouldn’t。Sheknewhim,andsheknewyou。Sheknewthatifhecastheroff——"
"Mother!Don’tsayit!Ican’tbearit!"
Hismotherdidnotsayit,oranythingmore,then。Lateatnightshecametohim。"Areyouasleep,Philip?"
"Asleep?I!"
"Ididn’tsupposeyouwere。ButIhavehadanoteto-daywhichImustanswer。Mrs。AndrewshasaskedustodinneronSaturday。Philip,ifyoucouldseethatsweetgirlasIdo,inallhergoodnessandsincerity——"
"IthinkIdo,mother。AndIwouldn’tbeguiltyofherunhappinessfortheworld。Youmustdecline。"
Well,perhapsyouareright。"Mrs。Verrianwentaway,softly,sighing。
AsshesealedherreplytoMrs。Andrews,shesighedagain,andmadethereflectionwhichamotherseldommakeswithregardtoherson,beforehismarriage,thatmendonotlovewomenfortheirgoodness。
第4章