Threesecondslaterhediscoveredthatitwasastringentandtrustworthyemeticthathehadswallowed。Hisaudiencehadmistakenhissignsofgratitudeforeffortsonhisparttoexplaintothemthathewaspoisoned，or，atallevents，wassufferingfromacuteandagonisingindigestion，andhaddonewhattheycouldtocomforthim。
Thedrugthattheyhadgivenhimwasnotoneofthosecommon，cheapmedicinesthatlosetheireffectbeforetheyhavebeeninthesystemhalf-an-hour。Hefeltthatitwouldbeuselesstobeginanothersupperthen，evenifhecouldgetone，andsohewenttobedagooddealhungrierandagooddeallessrefreshedthanwhenhearrivedattheinn。
Gratitudeisundoubtedlyathingthatshouldnotbeattemptedbytheamateurpantomimist。
"Savoury"isanother。B。andIverynearlydidourselvesaseriousinternalinjury，tryingtoexpressit。Weslavedlikecab-horsesatit——foraboutfiveminutes，andsucceededinconveyingtothemindofthewaiterthatwewantedtohaveagameatdominoes。
Then，likeabeamofsunlighttoamanlostinsomedark，windingcave，cametomethereflectionthatIhadinmypocketaGermanconversationbook。
Howstupidofmenottohavethoughtofitbefore。Herehadwebeenrackingourbrainsandourbodies，tryingtoexplainourwantstoanuneducatedGerman，while，allthetime，therelaytoourhandsabookspeciallywrittenandpreparedtoassistpeopleoutoftheverydifficultyintowhichwehadfallen——abookcarefullycompiledwiththeexpressobjectofenablingEnglishtravellerswho，likeourselves，onlyspokeGermaninadilettantefashion，tomaketheirmodestrequirementsknownthroughouttheFatherland，andtogetoutofthecountryaliveanduninjured。
Ihastilysnatchedthebookfrommypocket，andcommencedtosearchfordialoguesdealingwiththegreatfoodquestion。Therewerenone！
Therewerelengthyandpassionate"Conversationswithalaundress"
aboutarticlesthatIblushtoremember。Sometwentypagesofthevolumeweredevotedtosillydialoguesbetweenanextraordinarilypatientshoemakerandoneofthemostirritatingandconstitutionallydissatisfiedcustomersthatanunfortunateshop-
keepercouldpossiblybecursedwith;acustomerwho，aftertwaddlingforaboutfortyminutes，andtryingon，apparently，everypairofbootsintheplace，calmlywalksoutwith：
"Ah！well，Ishallnotpurchaseanythingto-day。Good-morning！"
Theshopkeeper’sreply，by-the-by，isnotgiven。Itprobablytooktheformofaboot-jack，accompaniedbyphrasesdeemeduselessforthepurposesoftheChristiantourist。
Therewasreallysomethingremarkableabouttheexhaustivenessofthis"conversationattheshoemaker’s。"Ishouldthinkthebookmusthavebeenwrittenbysomeonewhosufferedfromcorns。IcouldhavegonetoaGermanshoemakerwiththisbookandhavetalkedtheman’sheadoff。
Thenthereweretwopagesofwaterychatter"onmeetingafriendinthestreet"——"Good-morning，sir（ormadam）。""IwishyouamerryChristmas。""Howisyourmother？"AsifamanwhohardlyknewenoughGermantokeepbodyandsoultogether，wouldwanttogoaboutaskingafterthehealthofaforeignperson’smother。
Therewerealso"conversationsintherailwaycarriage，"
conversationsbetweentravellinglunatics，apparently，anddialogues"duringthepassage。""Howdoyoufeelnow？""Prettywellasyet;
butIcannotsayhowlongitwilllast。""Oh，whatwaves！Inowfeelveryunwellandshallgobelow。Askforabasinforme。"
ImagineapersonwhofeltlikethatwantingtoknowtheGermanforit。
AttheendofthebookwereGermanproverbsand"IdiomaticPhrases，"
bywhichlatterwouldappeartobemeantinalllanguages，"phrasesfortheuseofidiots"：——"Asparrowinthehandisbetterthanapigeonontheroof。"——"Timebringsroses。"——"Theeagledoesnotcatchflies。"——"Oneshouldnotbuyacatinasack，"——asiftherewerealargeclassofconsumerswhohabituallydidpurchasetheircatsinthatway，thusenablingunscrupulousdealerstopalmoffuponthemaninferiorcat，andwhomitwasaccordinglynecessarytoadviseagainstthecustom。
Iskimmedthroughallthisnonsense，butnotawordcouldIdiscoveranywhereaboutasavouryomelette。Undertheheadof"EatingandDrinking，"Ifoundashortvocabulary;butitwasmainlyconcernedwith"raspberries"and"figs"and"medlars"（whatevertheymaybe;I
neverheardofthemmyself），and"chestnuts，"andsuchlikethingsthatamanhardlyeverwants，evenwhenheisinhisowncountry。
Therewasplentyofoilandvinegar，andpepperandsaltandmustardinthelist，butnothingtoputthemon。Icouldhavehadahard-
boiledegg，orasliceofham;butIdidnotwantahard-boiledegg，orasliceofham。Iwantedasavouryomelette;andthatwasanarticleofdietthattheauthorsofthis"HandyLittleGuide，"astheytermeditintheirpreface，hadevidentlyneverheardof。
Sincemyreturnhome，Ihave，outofcuriosity，obtainedthreeorfour"English-GermanDialogues"and"ConversationBooks，"intendedtoassisttheEnglishtravellerinhiseffortstomakehimselfunderstoodbytheGermanpeople，andIhavecometotheconclusionthattheworkItookoutwithmewasthemostsensibleandpracticalofthelot。
Findingitutterlyhopelesstoexplainourselvestothewaiter，weletthethinggo，andtrustedtoProvidence;andinabouttenminutesthemanbroughtusasteamingomelette，withaboutapoundofstrawberryjaminside，andpowderedsugarallovertheoutside。
Weputadealofpepperandsaltonittotryandcounteracttheflavourofthesweets，butwedidnotreallyenjoyiteventhen。
Afterbreakfastwegotatime-table，andlookedoutforatraintoOber-Ammergau。Ifoundonewhichstartedat3。10。Itseemedaverynicetrainindeed;itdidnotstopanywhere。Therailwayauthoritiesthemselveswereevidentlyveryproudofit，andhadprintedparticularsofitinextrathicktype。Wedecidedtopatroniseit。
Topassawaythetime，westrolledaboutthecity。Munichisafine，handsome，opentown，fullofnoblestreetsandsplendidbuildings;butinspiteofthisandofitshundredandseventythousandinhabitants，anatmosphereofquietandprovincialismhoversoverit。Thereisbutlittletrafficonordinaryoccasionsalongitsbroadways，andcustomersinitswell-stockedshopsarefewandfarbetween。ThisdaybeingSunday，itwasbusierthanusual，anditspromenadeswerethrongedwithcitizensandcountryfolkinholidayattire，amongwhomtheSouthernpeasants，wearingtheirquaint，centuries-oldcostume，stoodoutinpicturesquerelief。Fashion，initsworld-widecrusadeagainstvarietyanditsbittercontestwithformandcolour，hasrecoiled，defeatedforthepresentfromthemountainfastnessesofBavaria。Still，asSundayorgala-daycomesround，thebroad-shouldered，sunburntshepherdoftheOberlanddonshisgaygreen-embroideredjacketoverhissnowyshirt，fastenshisshortknee-breecheswithagirdleroundhiswaist，clapshishigh，feather-crownedhatuponhiswavingcurls，andwithbarelegs，shodinmightyboots，stridesoverthehill-
sidestohisGretchen’sdoor。
Sheiswaitingforhim，youmaybesure，readydressed;andaverysweet，old-worldpictureshemakes，standingbeneaththegreatoverhanginggablesofthewoodenchalet。She，too，favoursthenationalgreen;but，asrelief，thereisnolackofbonnyredribbons，toflutterinthewind，and，underneaththeornamentedskirt，peepsoutabright-huedpetticoat。Aroundheramplebreastshewearsadarktight-fittingbodice，laceddownthefront。（I
thinkthisgarmentiscalledastomacher，butIamnotsure，asI
haveneverlikedtoask。）Hersquareshouldersarecoveredwiththewhitestofwhitelinen。Hersleevesarealsowhite;andbeingveryfull，andofsomesoftlawnlikematerial，suggesttheideaoffoldedwings。Uponherflaxenhairisperchedasaucyroundgreenhat。
Thebucklesofherdaintyshoes，thebigeyesinherprettyface，areallfourverybright。OnefeelsonewouldlikemuchtochangeplacesforthedaywithHans。
Arm-in-arm，lookinglikesomechina，butexceedinglysubstantialchina，shepherdandshepherdess，theydescenduponthetown。Onerubsone’seyesandstaresafterthemastheypass。Theyseemtohavesteppedfromthepicturedpagesofoneofthoseoldstory-booksthatwelearnttolove，sittingbesidethehighbrassguardthatkeptourselvesandthenursery-firefromdoingeachotheranyseriousinjury，inthedayswhentheworldwasmuchbiggerthanitisnow，andmuchmorerealandinteresting。
MunichandthecountryroundaboutitmakeagreatexchangeofpeopleseverySunday。Inthemorning，trainloadaftertrainloadofvillagersandmountaineerspourintothetown，andtrainloadaftertrainloadofgoodandothercitizenssteamouttospendthedayinwoodandvalley，anduponlakeandmountain-side。
Wewentintooneortwoofthebeer-halls——notintotheswellcafes，crowdedwithtouristsandMunichmasherdom，butintothelow-
ceilinged，smoke-grimedcellarswherethelifeofthepeopleistobeseen。
Theungenteelpeopleinacountryaresomuchmoreinterestingthanthegentlefolks。Oneladyorgentlemanispainfullylikeeveryotherladyorgentleman。Thereissolittleindividuality，solittlecharacter，amongtheuppercirclesoftheworld。Theytalklikeeachother，theythinkandactlikeeachother，theydresslikeeachother，andlookverymuchlikeeachother。Wegentlefolksonlyplayatliving。Wehaveourrulesandregulationsforthegame，whichmustnotbeinfringed。Ourunwrittenguide-booksdirectuswhattodoandwhattosayateachturnofthemeaninglesssport。
Tothoseatthebottomofthesocialpyramid，however，whostandwiththeirfeetupontheearth，Natureisnotacuriousphenomenontobelookeddownatandstudied，butalivingforcetobeobeyed。
Theyfrontgrim，nakedLife，facetoface，andwrestlewithitthroughthedarkness;and，asdidtheangelthatstrovewithJacob，itleavesitsstampuponthem。
Thereisonlyonetypeofagentleman。Therearefivehundredtypesofmenandwomen。ThatiswhyIalwaysseekoutandfrequenttheplaceswherethecommonpeoplecongregate，inpreferencetothehauntsofrespectability。Ihavetobecontinuallyexplainingallthistomyfriends，toaccounttothemforwhattheycallmyloveoflowlife。
Withamugofbeerbeforeme，andapipeinmymouth，Icouldsitforhourscontentedly，andwatchthelifethatebbsandflowsintoandoutoftheseoldale-kitchens。
ThebrawnypeasantladsbringintheirlassestotreatthemtothebelovednectarofMunich，togetherwithahugeonion。Howtheyenjoythemselves！Whatsplendidjokestheyhave！Howtheylaughandroarandsing！Atonetablesitfouroldfellows，playingcards。Howfullofcharacteriseachgnarledface。Oneiseager，quick，vehement。Howhiseyesdance！Youcanreadhiseverythoughtuponhisface。Youknowwhenheisgoingtodashdownthekingwithashoutoftriumphonthequeen。Hisneighbourlookscalm，slow，anddogged，butwearsaconfidentexpression。Thegameproceeds，andyouwatchandwaitforhimtoplaythewinningcardsthatyoufeelsureheholds。Hemustintendtowin。Victoryiswritteninhisface。No！heloses。Asevenwasthehighestcardinhishand。Everyoneturnstohim，surprised。Helaughs——Adifficultmantodealwith，that，inothermattersbesidescards。Amanwhosethoughtslieagooddealbelowhisskin。
Opposite，across-lookingoldwomanclamoursforsausages，getsthem，andseemscrosserthanever。Shescowlsroundoneveryone，withamalignantexpressionthatisquiteterrifying。Asmalldogcomesandsitsdowninfrontofher，andgrinsather。Still，withthesamesavageexpressionofhatredtowardsalllivingthings，shefeedshimwithsausageattheendofafork，regardinghimallthewhilewithanaspectofsuchconcentrateddislike，thatonewondersitdoesnotinterferewithhisdigestion。Inacorner，astoutoldwomantalksincessantlytoasolemn-lookingman，whositssilentanddrinkssteadily。Itisevidentthathecanstandherconversationjustsolongashehasamugofbeerinfrontofhim。Hehasbroughtherinheretogiveheratreat。Hewillletherhavehertalkoutwhilehedrinks。Heavens！howshedoestalk！Shetalkswithoutmovement，withoutexpression;hervoicenevervaries，itflowson，andon，andon，likeagreatresistlessriver。Fouryoungartisanscomeclampingalongintheirhob-nailedboots，andseatingthemselvesatoneoftherudewoodentables，callforbeer。WiththeirarmsroundthewaistoftheutterlyindifferentFraulein，theyshoutandlaughandsing。Nearlyalltheyoungfolksherearelaughing——lookingforwardtolife。Alltheoldfolksaretalking，rememberingit。
Whatgrandpicturessomeoftheseold，searedfacesrounduswouldmake，ifamancouldonlypaintthem——paintallthatisinthem，allthetragedy——andcomedythatthegreatplaywright，Life，haswrittenuponthewitheredskins！Joysandsorrows，sordidhopesandfears，child-likestrivingstobegood，meanselfishnessandgrandunselfishness，havehelpedtofashiontheseoldwrinkledfaces。Thecurvesofcunningandkindlinesslurkroundthesefadingeyes。Thelinesofgreedhoveraboutthesebloodlesslips，thathavesooftenbeentight-pressedinpatientheroism。
SUNDAY，25TH——CONTINUED
WeDine。——ACuriousDish。——"AFeelingofSadnessComesO’erMe。"——
TheGermanCigar。——TheHandsomestMatchinEurope。——"HowEasy’tisforFriendstoDriftApart，"especiallyinaplacelikeMunichRailwayStation。——TheVictimofFate。——AFaithfulBradshaw。——AmongtheMountains。——PrinceandPauper。——AModernRomance。——ArrivalatOberau。——WiseandFoolishPilgrims。——AnInterestingDrive。——EttalanditsMonastery。——WeReachtheGoalofourPilgrimage。
Atoneo’clockweturnedintoarestaurantfordinner。TheGermansthemselvesalwaysdineinthemiddleoftheday，andaverysubstantialmealtheymakeofit。Atthehotelsfrequentedbytouriststabled’hoteis，duringtheseason，fixedforaboutsixorseven，butthisisonlydonetomeettheviewsofforeigncustomers。
Imentionthatwehaddinner，notbecauseIthinkthattheinformationwillproveexcitingtothereader，butbecauseIwishtowarnmycountrymen，travellinginGermany，againstundueindulgenceinLiptauercheese。
Iamfondofcheese，andoftryingnewvarietiesofcheese;sothatwhenIlookeddownthecheesedepartmentofthebilloffare，andcameacross"liptauergarnit，"anarticleofdietIhadneverbeforeheardof，Ideterminedtosampleit。
Itwasnotatempting-lookingcheese。Itwasanunhealthy，sad-
lookingcheese。Itlookedlikeacheesethathadseentrouble。Inappearanceitresembledputtymorethananythingelse。Iteventastedlikeputty——atleast，likeIshouldimagineputtywouldtaste。TothishourIamnotpositivethatitwasnotputty。Thegarnishingwasevenmoreremarkablethanthecheese。AllthewayroundtheplatewerepiledarticlesthatIhadneverbeforeseenatadinner，andthatIdonoteverwanttoseethereagain。Therewasalittleheapofsplit-peas，threeorfourremarkablysmallpotatoes——atleast，Isupposetheywerepotatoes;ifnot，theywerepea-nutsboiledsoft，——somecaraway-seeds，averyyoung-lookingfish，apparentlyofthesticklebackbreed，andsomeredpaint。Itwasquitealittledinneralltoitself。
Whattheredpaintwasfor，Icouldnotunderstand。B。thoughtthatitwasputthereforsuicidalpurposes。Hisideawasthatthecustomer，aftereatingalltheotherthingsintheplate，wouldwishheweredead，andthattherestaurantpeople，knowingthis，hadthoughtfullyprovidedhimwithredpaintforone，sothathecouldpoisonhimselfoffandgetoutofhismisery。
Ithought，afterswallowingthefirstmouthful，thatIwouldnoteatanymoreofthischeese。Thenitoccurredtomethatitwasapitytowasteitafterhavingorderedit，and，besides，ImightgettolikeitbeforeIhadfinished。Thetasteformostofthegoodthingsofthisworldhastobeacquired。IcanrememberthetimewhenIdidnotlikebeer。
SoImixedupeverythingontheplatealltogether——madeasortofsaladofit，infact——andateitwithaspoon。AmoredisagreeabledishIhavenevertastedsincethedayswhenIusedtodoWillieEvans’s"dags，"bywalkingtwicethroughasewer，andwassubsequently，onreturninghome，promptlyputtobed，andmadetoeatbrimstoneandtreacle。
Ifeltverysadafterdinner。AllthethingsIhavedoneinmylifethatIshouldnothavedonerecurredtomewithpainfulvividness。
（Thereseemedtobeagoodishnumberofthem，too。）IthoughtofallthedisappointmentsandreversesIhadexperiencedduringmycareer;ofalltheinjusticethatIhadsuffered，andofalltheunkindthingsthathadbeensaidanddonetome。IthoughtofallthepeopleIhadknownwhowerenowdead，andwhomIshouldneverseeagain，ofallthegirlsthatIhadloved，whowerenowmarriedtootherfellows，whileIdidnotevenknowtheirpresentaddresses。
Ipondereduponourearthlyexistence，uponhowhollow，false，andtransientitis，andhowfullofsorrow。Imuseduponthewickednessoftheworldandofeverybodyinit，andthegeneralcussednessofallthings。
IthoughthowfoolishitwasforB。andmyselftobewastingourtime，gaddingaboutEuropeinthissillyway。Whatearthlyenjoymentwasthereintravelling——beingjoltedaboutinstuffytrains，andoverchargedatuncomfortablehotels？
B。wascheerfulandfrivolouslyinclinedatthebeginningofourwalk（wewerestrollingdowntheMaximilianStrasse，afterdinner）;
butasItalkedtohim，Iwasgladtonoticethathegraduallygrewmoreseriousandsubdued。Heisnotreallybad，youknow，onlythoughtless。
B。boughtsomecigarsandofferedmeone。Ididnotwanttosmoke。
Smokingseemedtome，justthen，afoolishwasteoftimeandmoney。
AsIsaidtoB。：
"Inafewmoreyears，perhapsbeforethisverymonthisgone，weshallbelyinginthesilenttomb，withthewormsfeedingonus。Ofwhatadvantagewillitbetousthenthatwesmokedthesecigarsto-
day？"
B。said：
"Well，theadvantageitwillbetomenowis，thatifyouhaveacigarinyourmouthIshan’tgetquitesomuchofyourchattyconversation。Takeone，formysake。"
Tohumourhim，Ilitup。
IdonotadmiretheGermancigar。B。saysthatwhenyouconsidertheyonlycostapenny，youcannotgrumble。ButwhatIsayis，thatwhenyouconsidertheyaredearatsixahalf-penny，youcangrumble。Wellboiled，theymightserveforgreens;butassmokingmaterialtheyarenotworththematchwithwhichyoulightthem，especiallynotifthematchbeaGermanone。TheGermanmatchisquiteahighartwork。Ithasayellowheadandamagentaorgreenstem，andcancertainlylayclaimtobeingthehandsomestmatchinEurope。
WesmokedagoodmanypennycigarsduringourstayinGermany，andthatwewerenonetheworsefordoingsoIconsiderasproofofoursplendidphysiqueandconstitution。IthinktheGermancigartestmight，withreason，beadoptedbylifeinsuranceoffices。——Question：
"Areyouatpresent，andhaveyoualwaysbeen，ofrobusthealth？"
Answer："IhavesmokedaGermancigar，andstilllive。"Lifeaccepted。
Towardsthreeo’clockweworkedourwayroundtothestation，andbeganlookingforourtrain。Wehuntedallovertheplace，butcouldnotfinditanywhere。ThecentralstationatMunichisanenormousbuilding，andaperfectmazeofpassagesandhallsandcorridors。Itismucheasiertoloseoneselfinit，thantofindanythinginitonemayhappentowant。TogetherandseparatelyB。
andIlostourselvesandeachothersometwenty-fourtimes。Forabouthalfanhourweseemedtobedoingnothingelsebutrushingupanddownthestationlookingforeachother，suddenlyfindingeachother，andsaying，"Why，wherethedickenshaveyoubeen？Ihavebeenhuntingforyoueverywhere。Don’tgoawaylikethat，"andthenimmediatelylosingeachotheragain。
Andwhatwassoextraordinaryaboutthematterwasthateverytime，afterlosingeachother，weinvariablymetagain——whenwedidmeet——
outsidethedoorofthethird-classrefreshmentroom。
Wecameatlengthtoregardthedoorofthethird-classrefreshmentroomas"home，"andtofeelathrillofjoywhen，inthecourseofourwearywanderingsthroughfar-offwaiting-roomsandlost-luggagebureausandlampdepots，wesawitsoldfamiliarhandleshininginthedistance，andknewthatthere，besideit，weshouldfindourlovedandlostone。
Whenanyverylongtimeelapsedwithoutourcomingacrossit，wewouldgouptooneoftheofficials，andasktobedirectedtoit。
"Pleasecanyoutellme，"wewouldsay，"thenearestwaytothedoorofthethird-classrefreshmentroom？"
Whenthreeo’clockcame，andstillwehadnotfoundthe3。10train，webecamequiteanxiousaboutthepoorthing，andmadeinquiriesconcerningit。
"The3。10traintoOber-Ammergau，"theysaid。"Oh，we’venotthoughtaboutthatyet。"
"Haven’tthoughtaboutit！"weexclaimedindignantly。"Well，doforheaven’ssakewakeupabit。Itis3。5now！"
"Yes，"theyanswered，"3。5intheafternoon;the3。10isanighttrain。Don’tyouseeit’sprintedinthicktype？Allthetrainsbetweensixintheeveningandsixinthemorningareprintedinfatfigures，andthedaytrainsinthin。Youhavegotplentyoftime。
Lookaroundaftersupper。"
IdobelieveIamthemostunfortunatemanatatime-tablethateverwasborn。Idonotthinkitcanbestupidity;forifitweremerestupidity，Ishouldoccasionally，nowandthenwhenIwasfeelingwell，notmakeamistake。Itmustbefate。
Ifthereisonetrainoutoffortythatgoeson"Saturdaysonly"tosomeplaceIwanttogetto，thatisthetrainIselecttotravelbyonaFriday。OnSaturdaymorningIgetupatsix，swallowahastybreakfast，andrushofftocatchareturntrainthatgoesoneverydayintheweek"exceptSaturdays。"
IgotoLondon，BrightonandSouthCoastRailway-stationsandclamourforSouth-Easterntrains。OnBankHolidaysIforgetitisBankHoliday，andgoandsitondraughtyplatformsforhours，waitingfortrainsthatdonotrunonBankHolidays。
Toaddtomymisfortunes，Iamthemiserablepossessorofademontime-tablethatIcannotgetridof，aBradshawforAugust，1887。
Regularly，onthefirstofeachmonth，IbuyandbringhomewithmeanewBradshawandanewA。B。C。Whatbecomesofthemafterthesecondofthemonth，Idonotknow。Afterthesecondofthemonth，Ineverseeeitherofthemagain。Whattheirfateis，Icanonlyguess。Intheirplaceisleft，tomisleadme，thiswretchedold1887corpse。
ForthreeyearsIhavebeentryingtoescapefromit，butitwillnotleaveme。
Ihavethrownitoutofthewindow，andithasfallenonpeople’sheads，andthosepeoplehavepickeditupandsmootheditout，andbroughtitbacktothehouse，andmembersofmyfamily——"friends"
theycallthemselves——peopleofmyownfleshandblood——havethankedthemandtakenitinagain！
Ihavekickeditintoadozenpieces，andkickedthepiecesallthewaydownstairsandoutintothegarden，andpersons——persons，mindyou，whowillnotsewabuttononthebackofmyshirttosavemefrommadness——havecollectedthepiecesandstitchedthemcarefullytogether，andmadethebooklookasgoodasnew，andputitbackinmystudy！
Ithasacquiredthesecretofperpetualyouth，hasthistime-table。
Othertime-tablesthatIbuybecomedissipated-lookingwrecksinaboutaweek。Thisbooklooksasfreshandnewandcleanasitdidonthedaywhenitfirstluredmeintopurchasingit。Thereisnothingaboutitsappearancetosuggesttothecasualobserverthatitisnotthismonth’sBradshaw。Itsevidentaimandobjectinlifeistodeceivepeopleintotheideathatitisthismonth’sBradshaw。
Itisunderminingmymoralcharacter，thisbookis。Itisresponsibleforatleasttenpercent。ofthebadlanguagethatI
useeveryyear。Itleadsmeintodrinkandgambling。Iamcontinuallyfindingmyselfwithsomethreeorfourhourstowaitatdismalprovincialrailwaystations。Ireadalltheadvertisementsonbothplatforms，andthenIgetwildandreckless，andplungeintotherailwayhotelandplaybilliardswiththelandlordforthreesofScotch。
IintendtohavethatBradshawputintomycoffinwithmewhenIamburied，sothatIcanshowittotherecordingangelandexplainmatters。Iexpecttoobtainadiscountofatleastfive-and-twentypercent。offmybillofcrimesforthatBradshaw。
The3。10traininthemorningwas，ofcourse，toolateforus。ItwouldnotgetustoOber-Ammergauuntilabout9a。m。Therewasatrainleavingat7。30（IletB。findoutthis）bywhichwemightreachthevillagesometimeduringthenight，ifonlywecouldgetaconveyancefromOberau，thenearestrailway-station。Accordingly，wetelegraphedtoCook’sagent，whowasatOber-Ammergau（weallofussneeratMr。CookandMr。Gaze，andsuch-likegentlemen，whokindlyconducttravellersthatcannotconductthemselvesproperly，whenweareathome;butInoticemostofusappeal，onthequiet，tooneortheotherofthemthemomentwewanttomoveabroad），totryandsendacarriagetomeetusbythattrain;andthenwenttoanhotel，andturnedintobeduntilitwastimetostart。
Wehadanothergrandrailway-ridefromMunichtoOberau。WepassedbythebeautifullakeofStarnbergjustasthesunwassettingandgildingwithgoldthelittlevillagesandpleasantvillasthatliearounditsshores。ItwasinthelakeofStarnberg，nearthelordlypleasure-housethathehadbuiltforhimselfinthatfairvale，thatpoormadLudwig，thelateKingofBavaria，drownedhimself。PoorKing！Fategavehimeverythingcalculatedtomakeamanhappy，exceptingonething，andthatwasthepowerofbeinghappy。Fatehasamaniaforstrikingbalances。IknewalittleshoeblackoncewhousedtofollowhisprofessionatthecornerofWestminsterBridge。Fategavehimanaverageofsixpenceadaytoliveuponandprovidehimselfwithluxuries;butshealsogavehimapowerofenjoyingthatkepthimjollyalldaylong。Hecouldbuyasmuchenjoymentforapennyastheaveragemancouldforaten-poundnote——
more，Ialmostthink。Hedidnotknowhewasbadlyoff，anymorethanKingLudwigknewhewaswelloff;andalldaylonghelaughedandplayed，andworkedalittle——notmorethanhecouldhelp——andateanddrank，andgambled。ThelasttimeIsawhimwasinSt。
Thomas’sHospital，intowhichhehadgothimselfowingtohisfatalpassionforwalkingalongoutsidethestonecopingofWestminsterBridge。Hethoughtitwas"prime，"beinginthehospital，andtoldmethathewaslivinglikeafighting-cock，andthathedidnotmeantogooutsoonerthanhecouldhelp。Iaskedhimifhewerenotinpain，andhesaid"Yes，"whenhe"thoughtaboutit。"
Poorlittlechap！heonlymanagedtolivelikea"fighting-cock"forthreedaysmore。Thenhedied，cheerfuluptothelast，sotheytoldme，likethepluckylittleEnglishgame-cockhewas。Hecouldnothavebeenmorethantwelveyearsoldwhenhecrowedhislast。
Ithadbeenashortlifeforhim，butaverymerryone。
Now，ifonlythislittlebeggarandpooroldLudwigcouldhavegoneintopartnership，andsohavesharedbetweenthemtheshoeblack’spowerofenjoyingandtheking’sstockofenjoyments，whatagoodthingitwouldhavebeenforbothofthem——especiallyforKingLudwig。Hewouldneverhavethoughtofdrowninghimselfthen——lifewouldhavebeentoodelightful。
ButthatwouldnothavesuitedFate。Shelovestolaughatmen，andtomakeoflifeaparadox。Totheone，sheplayedravishingstrains，havingfirsttakentheprecautiontomakehimstone-deaf。
Totheother，shepipedafewpoornotesonacrackedtin-whistle，andhethoughtitwasmusic，anddanced！
Afewyearslateron，attheverysamespotwhereKingLudwigthrewbacktothegodstheirgiftoflife，apairofsomewhatfoolishyoungloversendedtheirdisappointments，and，findingtheycouldnotbeweddedtogetherinlife，weddedthemselvestogetherindeath。
Thestory，dulyreportedinthenewspapersasanitemofforeignintelligence，readmorelikesomeoldRhine-legendthantherecordofarealoccurrenceinthisprosaicnineteenthcentury。
HewasaGermanCount，ifIrememberrightly，and，likemostGermanCounts，hadnotmuchmoney;andherfather，asfatherswillwhenproposedtobyimpecuniouswould-besons-in-law，refusedhisconsent。TheCountthenwentabroadtotryandmake，oratalleventsimprove，hisfortune。HewenttoAmerica，andthereheprospered。Inayearortwohecameback，tolerablyrich——tofind，however，thathewastoolate。Hislady，persuadedofhisdeath，hadbeenurgedintoamarriagewitharichsomebodyelse。Inordinarylife，ofcourse，themanwouldhavecontentedhimselfwithcontinuingtomakelovetothelady，leavingtherichsomebodyelsetopayforherkeep。Thisyoungcouple，however，alittlelighterheaded，oralittledeeperheartedthanthemostofus，whicheveritmayhavebeen，andangryatthemockinglaughterwithwhichtheairaroundthemseemedfilled，wentdownonestormynighttogethertothelake，andsobereddrollFateforaninstantbyturninghergrimcomedyintoasomewhatgrimmertragedy。
SoonafterlosingsightofStarnberg’splacidwaters，weplungedintothegloomofthemountains，andbeganalong，windingclimbamongtheirhiddenrecesses。Attimes，shriekingasifinterror，wepassedsomeghostlyhamlet，standingoutwhiteandsilentinthemoonlightagainsttheshadowyhills;and，nowandthen，adark，stilllake，ormountaintorrentwhosefoamingwatersfellinalongwhitestreakacrosstheblacknessofthenight。
WepassedbyMurnauinthevalleyoftheDragon，alittletownwhichpossessedaPassionPlayofitsownintheoldentimes，andwhich，untilafewyearsago，whentherailway-linewaspushedforwardtoPartenkirchen，wastheneareststationtoOber-Ammergau。ItwasatolerablysteepclimbuptheroadfromMurnau，overMountEttal，toAmmergau——sosteep，indeed，thatonestoutpilgrimnotmanyyearsago，diedfromtheexertionwhilewalkingup。Sturdy-leggedmountaineerandpulpycitizenbothhadtoclamberupsidebyside，fornohorsescoulddomorethandragbehindthemtheemptyvehicle。
Everyseason，however，seestheEuropeantouristmoreandmorepampered，andthedifficultiesandconsequentpleasureandinterestofhisjourneymoreandmorecurtailedandspoilt。Inafewyears’
time，hewillbepackedincotton-woolinhisownback-parlour，labelledfortheplacehewantstogoto，andunpackedandtakenoutwhenhegetsthere。TherailwaynowcarrieshimroundMountEttaltoOberau，fromwhichlittlevillageatolerablyeasyroad，asmountainroadwaysgo，ofaboutfourorfiveEnglishmilestakeshimuptothevalleyoftheAmmer。
ItwasmidnightwhenourtrainlandedusatOberaustation;buttheplacewasfarmorebusyandstirringthanonordinaryoccasionsitisatmid-day。Crowdsoftouristsandpilgrimsthrongedthelittlehotel，wondering，asalsodidthelandlord，wheretheywereallgoingtosleep;andwonderingstillmore，thoughthislatterconsiderationevidentlydidnottroubletheirhost，howtheyweregoingtogetuptoOber-Ammergauinthemorningintimefortheplay，whichalwaysbeginsat8a。m。
Somewereengagingcarriagesatfabulouspricestocallforthematfive;andothers，whocouldnotsecurecarriages，andwhohaddeterminedtowalk，wereinstructingworriedwaiterstowakethemat2。30，andorderingbreakfastforaquarter-pastthreesharp。（Ihadnoideathereweresuchtimesinthemorning！）
Wewerefortunateenoughtofindourland-lord，aworthyfarmer，waitingforuswithatumble-downconveyance，inappearancesomethingbetweenacircus-chariotandabath-chair，drawnbyacoupleofpowerful-lookinghorses;andinthis，afteraspiritedskirmishbetweenourdriverandamoboftwentyorsotourists，whopretendedtomistaketheaffairforanomnibus，andwhowouldhaveclamberedintoitandswampedit，wedroveaway。
Higherandhigherweclimbed，andgranderandgrandertoweredthefrowningmoon-bathedmountainsroundus，andchillierandchilliergrewtheair。Formostofthewaywecrawledalong，thehorsestuggingusfromsidetosideofthesteeproad;but，whereverourcoachmancouldvarythemonotonyofthepacebyastretch-gallop——
as，forinstance，downtheprecipitousdescentsthatoccasionallyfolloweduponsomeextralongandtoilsomeascent——hethoughtfullydidso。Atsuchtimesthedrivebecamereallyquiteexciting，andallourwearinesswasforgotten。
Thesteeperthedescent，thefaster，ofcourse，wecouldgo。Theroughertheroad，themoreanxiousthehorsesseemedtobetogetoveritquickly。Duringthegallop，B。andIenjoyed，inacondensedform，alltheadvantagesusuallyderivedfromcrossingtheChannelonastormyday，ridingonaswitchbackrailway，andbeingtossedinablanket——ahard，nobblyblanket，fullofnastycornersandsharpedges。Ishouldneverhavethoughtthatsomanydifferentsensationscouldhavebeenobtainedfromonemachine！
Abouthalf-wayupwepassedEttal，attheentrancetotheValleyoftheAmmer。Thegreatwhitetemple，standing，surroundedbyitslittlevillage，highupamidthemountainsolitudes，isafamousplaceofpilgrimageamongdevoutCatholics。Manyhundredsofyearsago，oneoftheearlyBavariankingsbuilthereamonasteryasashrineforamiraculousimageoftheVirginthathadbeensentdowntohimfromHeaventohelphimwhen，inaforeignland，hehadstoodsoreinneed，encompassedbyhisenemies。MaybethestoutarmsandheartsofhisBavarianfriendswereofsomeserviceinthecrisisalso;butthelivinghelperswereforgotten。Theoldchurchandmonastery，whichlatterwasasortofancientChelseaHospitalfordecayedknights，wasdestroyedoneterriblenightsomehundredandfiftyyearsagobyaflashoflightning;butthewonder-workingimagewasrescuedunhurt，andmaystillbeseenandworshippedbeneaththedomeofthepresentmuchlessimposingchurchwhichhasbeenrearedupontheruinsofitsancestor。
Themonastery，whichwasalsorebuiltatthesametime，nowservesthemoreusefulpurposeofabrewery。
FromEttaltheroadiscomparativelylevel，and，joltingswiftlyoverit，wesoonreachedOber-Ammergau。Lightswerepassingtoandfrobehindthemanywindowsofthesquarestonehouses，anddark，strange-lookingfiguresweremovingaboutthestreets，busywithpreparationsforthegreatbusinessthatwouldcommencewiththedawn。
Werattlednoisilythroughthevillage，ourdriverroaringout"GoodNight！"toeveryonehepassedinavoicesufficienttowakeupeverybodywhomightbesleepingwithinamile，chargedlight-
heartedlyroundhalf-a-dozencorners，trotteddownthecentrepathofsomebody’sfrontgarden，squeezedourwaythroughagate，anddrewupatanopendoor，throughwhichthestreaminglightpouredoutupontwotall，comelylasses，ourhost’sdaughters，whowerestandingwaitingforusintheporch。Theyledusintoalarge，comfortablyfurnishedroom，whereatemptingsupperofhotveal-
chops（theyseemtoliveonvealinGermany）andwhitewinewasstandingready。UnderordinarycircumstancesIshouldhavebeenafraidthatsuchasupperwouldcausemetobemoreeagerforchangeandmovementduringtheensuingsixhoursthanforsleep;butIfeltthatto-nightitwouldtakeadozenhalf-bakedfirebrickstokeepmeawakefivesecondsafterIhadgotmyheadonthepillow——orwhattheycallapillowinGermany;andso，withouthesitation，Imadeaverysatisfactorymeal。
Aftersupperourhostescortedustoourbedroom，anairyapartmentadornedwithvarioushighly-colouredwood-carvingsofapiousbutsomewhatghastlycharacter，calculated，Ishouldsay，toexerciseadisturbinginfluenceuponthenight’srestofanervousorsensitiveperson。
"Mindthatwearecalledatpropertimeinthemorning，"saidB。totheman。"Wedon’twanttowakeupatfouro’clockintheafternoonandfindthatwehavemissedtheplay，aftercomingallthiswaytoseeit。"
"Oh！thatwillbeallright，"answeredtheoldfellow。"Youwon’tgetmuchchanceofoversleepingyourself。Weshallallbeupandabout，andthewholevillagestirring，beforefive;andbesides，thebandwillbeplayingatsixjustbeneaththewindowhere，andthecannonontheKofelgoesoffat——"
"Lookhere，"Iinterrupted，"thatwon’tdoforme，youknow。Don’tyouthinkthatIamgoingtobewokeupbymereriotsoutsidethewindow，andbrass-bandcontests，andearthquakes，andexplosions，andthosesortofthings，becauseitcan’tbedonethatway。
Somebody’sgottocomeintothisroomandhaulmeoutofbed，andsitdownonthebedandseethatIdon’tgetintoitagain，andthatIdon’tgotosleeponthefloor。Thatwillbethewaytogetmeupto-morrowmorning。Don’tlet’shaveanynonsenseaboutstirringvillagesandgunsandGermanbands。Iknowwhatallthatwillendin，mygoingbacktoEnglandwithoutseeingtheshow。Iwanttoberousedinthemorning，notlulledofftosleepagain。"
B。translatedtheessentialportionsofthisspeechtotheman，andhelaughedandpromiseduponhissacredwordofhonourthathewouldcomeuphimselfandhaveusbothout;andashewasastalwartanddetermined-lookingman，Ifeltsatisfied，andwishedhim"Good-
night，"andmadehastetogetoffmybootsbeforeIfellasleep。
TUESDAY，THE27TH
APleasantMorning。——WhatcanoneSayaboutthePassionPlay？——B。
Lectures。——UnreliableDescriptionofOber-Ammergau。——ExaggeratedDescriptionofitsWeather。——PossiblyUntruthfulAccountofhowthePassionPlaycametobePlayed。——AGoodFace。——TheCulturedSchoolboyandhisIgnorantRelations。
Iamlyinginbed，or，tospeakmoretruthfully，Iamsittinguponagreensatin，lace-coveredpillow，writingthesenotes。Agreensatin，lace-coveredbedisonthefloorbesideme。Itisabouteleveno’clockinthemorning。B。issittingupinhisbedafewfeetoff，smokingapipe。Wehavejustfinishedalightrepastof——
whatdoyouthink？youwillneverguess——coffeeandrolls。Weintendtoputtheweekstraightbystoppinginbedallday，atalleventsuntiltheevening。TwoEnglishladiesoccupythebedroomnexttoours。Theyseemtohavemadeuptheirmindstoalsostayupstairsallday。Wecanhearthemwalkingabouttheirroom，muttering。Theyhavebeendoingthisforthelastthree-quartersofanhour。Theyseemtroubledaboutsomething。
Itisverypleasanthere。Anoverflowperformanceisbeinggiveninthetheatreto-dayforthebenefitofthosepeoplewhocouldnotgainadmittanceyesterday，and，throughtheopenwindows，wecanheartherhythmicchantofthechorus。Mellowedbythedistance，thewailingcadenceoftheplaintivesongs，mingledwiththeshrillHaydnisticstrainsoftheorchestra，fallswithamournfulsweetnessonourears。
Weourselvessawtheplayyesterday，andwearenowdiscussingit。
IamexplainingtoB。thedifficultyIexperienceinwritinganaccountofitformydiary。ItellhimthatIreallydonotknowwhattosayaboutit。
Hesmokesforawhileinsilence，andthen，takingthepipefromhislips，hesays：
"Doesitmatterverymuchwhatyousayaboutit？"
Ifindmuchreliefinthatthought。Itatonceliftsfrommyshoulderstheoppressivefeelingofresponsibilitythatwasweighingmedown。Afterall，whatdoesitmatterwhatIsay？Whatdoesitmatterwhatanyofussaysaboutanything？Nobodytakesmuchnoticeofit，luckilyforeverybody。Thisreflectionmustbeofgreatcomforttoeditorsandcritics。Aconscientiousmanwhoreallyfeltthathiswordswouldcarryweightandinfluencewiththemwouldbealmostafraidtospeakatall。Itisthemanwhoknowsthatitwillnotmakeanounceofdifferencetoanyonewhathesays，thatcangroweloquentandvehementandpositive。ItwillnotmakeanydifferencetoanybodyoranythingwhatIsayabouttheOber-AmmergauPassionPlay。SoIshalljustsaywhatIwantto。
ButwhatdoIwanttosay？WhatcanIsaythathasnotbeensaid，andsaidmuchbetter，already？（Anauthormustalwayspretendtothinkthateveryotherauthorwritesbetterthanhehimselfdoes。
Hedoesnotreallythinkso，youknow，butitlookswelltotalkasthoughhedid。）WhatcanIsaythatthereaderdoesnotknow，orthat，notknowing，hecarestoknow？Itiseasyenoughtotalkaboutnothing，likeIhavebeendoinginthisdiaryhitherto。ItiswhenoneisconfrontedwiththetaskofwritingaboutSOMEthing，thatonewishesonewerearespectablewell-to-dosweep——asweepwithacomfortablebusinessofhisown，andapony——insteadofanauthor。
B。says：
"Well，whynotbeginbydescribingOber-Ammergau。"
Isayithasbeendescribedsooften。
Hesays：
"SohastheOxfordandCambridgeBoatRaceandtheDerbyDay，butpeoplegoondescribingthemallthesame，andapparentlyfindotherpeopletoreadtheirdescriptions。Saythatthelittlevillage，clusteredrounditsmosque-domedchurch，nestlesinthecentreofavalley，surroundedbygreatfir-robedhills，whichstand，withthecross-crownedKofelfortheirchief，likestern，strongsentinelsguardingitsold-worldpeacefromthedinandclamouroftheouterworld。Describehowthesquare，whitewashedhousesareshelteredbeneathgreatoverhanginggables，andareencircledbycarvedwoodenbalconiesandverandahs，where，inthecooloftheevening，peasantwood-carverandpeasantfarmersittosmokethelongBavarianpipe，andchataboutthecattleandthePassionPlayandvillagepolitics;
andhow，ingaudycoloursabovetheporch，arepaintedglowingfiguresofsaintsandvirginsandsuch-likegoodfolk，whichtherainshavesadlymutilated，sothataleglessangelononesideoftheroadlooksdejectedlyacrossataheadlessMadonnaontheother，whileatanexposedcornersomeunfortunatesaint，morecruellydealtwithbytheweatherthanheeverwasevenbytheheathen，hasbeendeprivedofeverythingthathecouldcallhisown，withtheexceptionofhalfaheadandapairofextra-sizedfeet。
"Explainhowallthehousesarenumberedaccordingtothedatetheywerebuilt，sothatnumbersixteencomesnexttonumberforty-seven，andthereisnonumberonebecauseithasbeenpulleddown。Tellhowunsophisticatedvisitors，informedthattheirlodgingsareatnumberfifty-three，gowanderingfordaysanddaysroundfifty-two，underthenotunreasonableimpressionthattheirhousemustbenextdoor，though，asamatteroffact，itishalfamileoffattheotherendofthevillage，andarediscoveredonesunnymorning，sittingonthedoorstepofnumbereighteen，singingpatheticsnatchesofnurseryrhymes，andtryingtoplattheirtoesintodoor-
mats，andaretakenupandcarriedawayscreaming，toendtheirlivesinthemadhouseatMunich。
"Talkabouttheweather。PeoplewhohavestayedhereforanylengthoftimetellmethatitrainsatOber-Ammergauthreedaysoutofeveryfour，thereasonthatitdoesnotrainonthefourthdaybeingthateveryfourthdayissetapartforadeluge。Theytellme，also，thatwhileitwillbepouringwithrainjustinthevillagethesunwillbeshiningbrightlyallroundabout，andthatthevillagers，whenthewaterbeginstocomeinthroughtheirroofs，snatchuptheirchildrenandhurryofftothenearestfield，wheretheysitandwaituntilthestormisover。"
"Doyoubelievethem——thepersonsthatyousaytellyouthesetales？"Iask。
"PersonallyIdonot，"hereplies。"IthinkpeopleexaggeratetomebecauseIlookyoungandinnocent，butnodoubtthereisaground-
workoftruthintheirstatements。IhavemyselfleftOber-Ammergauunderasteadydrenchingrain，andfoundacloudlessskytheothersideoftheKofel。
"Then，"hecontinues，"youcancommentuponthehardihoodoftheBavarianpeasant。Howheorshewalksaboutbare-headedandbare-
footedthroughthefiercestshowers，andseemstofindtherainonlypleasantlycooling。How，duringtheperformanceofthePassionPlay，theyactandsingandstandaboutupontheuncoveredstagewithouttakingtheslightestnoticeofthedownpourofwaterthatissoakingtheirrobesandrunningfromtheirstreaminghair，tomakegreatpoolsupontheboards;andhowtheaudience，inthecheaper，unroofedportionofthetheatre，sitwithequalstoicism，watchingthem，nooneeverdreamingevenofputtingupanumbrella——or，ifhedoesdreamofdoingso，experiencingaveryrudeawakeningfromthesticksofthosebehind。"
B。stopstorelighthispipeatthispoint，andIhearthetwoladiesinthenextroomfidgetingaboutandmutteringworsethanever。Itseemstometheyarelisteningatthedoor（ourroomandtheirsareconnectedbyadoor）;Idowishthattheywouldeithergetintobedagainorelsegodownstairs。Theyworryme。
"AndwhatshallIsayafterIhavesaidallthat？"IaskB。whenatlasthehasstartedhispipeagain。
"Oh！well，afterthat，"hereplies，"youcangivethehistoryofthePassionPlay;howitcametobeplayed。"
"Oh，butsomanypeoplehavedonethatalready，"Isayagain。
"Somuchthebetterforyou，"ishisreply。Havingpreviouslyheardpreciselythesamestoryfromhalfadozenothersources，thepublicwillbetemptedtobelieveyouwhenyourepeattheaccount。Tellthemthatduringthethirtyyear’swaraterribleplague（asifhalfadozendifferentarmies，marchingupanddowntheircountry，fightingeachotherabouttheLordonlyknowswhat，andlivingonthemwhiledoingit，wasnotplagueenough）sweptoverBavaria，devastatingeachtownandhamlet。Ofallthehighlandvillages，Ober-Ammergaubymeansofastrictlyenforcedquarantinealonekept，forawhile，theblackfoeatbay。Nosoulwasallowedtoleavethevillage;nolivingthingtoenterit。
"ButonedarknightCasparSchuchler，aninhabitantofOber-
Ammergau，whohadbeenworkingintheplague-strickenneighbouringvillageofEschenlohe，creepinglowonhisbelly，passedthedrowsysentinels，andgainedhishome，andsawwhatformanyadayhehadbeenhungeringfor——asightofhiswifeandbairns。Itwasaselfishacttodo，andheandhisfellow-villagerspaiddearlyforit。Threedaysafterhehadenteredhishouseheandallhisfamilylaydead，andtheplaguewasragingthroughthevalley，andnothingseemedabletostayitscourse。
"Whenhumanmeansfail，wefeelitisonlyfairtogiveHeavenachance。ThegoodpeoplewhodweltbythesideoftheAmmervowedthat，iftheplagueleftthem，theywould，everytenyears，performaPassionPlay。Thecelestialpowersseemtohaveatonceclosedwiththisoffer。Theplaguedisappearedasifbymagic，andeveryrecurringtenthyearsince，theOber-AmmergauiteshavekepttheirpromiseandplayedtheirPassionPlay。Theyactittothisdayasapiousobservance。Beforeeachperformanceallthecharactersgathertogetheronthestagearoundtheirpastor，and，kneeling，prayforablessingupontheworkthenabouttocommence。Theprofitsthataremade，afterpayingtheperformersawagethatjustcompensatesthemfortheirlossoftime——wood-carverMaier，whoplaystheChrist，onlyreceivesaboutfiftypoundsforthewholeofthethirtyorsoperformancesgivenduringtheseason，tosaynothingofthewinter’srehearsals——isputaside，partforthetemporalbenefitofthecommunity，andtherestforthebenefitoftheChurch。Fromburgomasterdowntoshepherdlad，fromtheMaryandtheJesusdowntothemeanestsuper，allworkfortheloveoftheirreligion，notformoney。EachonefeelsthatheishelpingforwardthecauseofChristianity。"
"AndIcouldalsospeak，"Iadd，"ofgrandoldDaisenberger，thegentle，simpleoldpriest，’thefatherofthevalley，’whonowliesinsilenceamonghischildrenthathelovedsowell。Itwashe，youknow，thatshapedtherudeburlesqueofacoarserageintotheimpressivereverentialdramathatwesawyesterday。Thatisaportraitofhimoverthebed。Whataplain，homely，goodfaceitis！Howpleasant，howhelpfulitistocomeacrossagoodfacenowandthen！Idonotmeanasaintedface，suggestiveofstainedglassandmarbletombs，butaruggedhumanfacethathashadthegrit，andrain，andsunshineofliferubbedintoit，andthathasgaineditsexpression，notbylookingupwithlongingatthestars，butbylookingdownwitheyesfulloflaughterandloveatthehumanthingsaroundit。"
"Yes，"assentedB。"Youcanputinthatifyoulike。Thereisnoharminit。Andthenyoucangoontospeakoftheplayitself，andgiveyourimpressionsconcerningit。Nevermindtheirbeingsilly。
Theywillbeallthebetterforthat。Sillyremarksaregenerallymoreinterestingthansensibleones。"
"Butwhatistheuseofsayinganythingaboutitatall？"Iurge。
"Themerestschool-boymustknowallabouttheOber-AmmergauPassionPlaybythistime。"
"Whathasthattodowithyou？"answersB。"Youarenotwritingforculturedschool-boys。Youarewritingformeresimplemenandwomen。Theywillbegladofalittleinformationonthesubject，andthenwhentheschoolboycomeshomeforhisholidaytheywillbeable，sofarasthistopic，atallevents，isconcerned，toconversewithhimonhisownlevelandnotappearstupid。
"Come，"hesays，kindly，tryingtoleadmeon，"whatdidyouthinkaboutit？"
"Well，"Ireply，aftermusingforawhile，"Ithinkthataplayofeighteenactsandsomefortyscenes，whichcommencesateighto’clockinthemorning，andcontinues，withanintervalofanhourandahalffordinner，untilsixo’clockintheevening，istoolong。Ithinkthepiecewantscutting。Aboutathirdofitisimpressiveandmoving，andwhattheearneststudentofthedramaathomeisforeverdemandingthataplayshouldbe——namely，elevating;
butIconsiderthattheothertwo-thirdsaretiresome。"
"Quiteso，"answersB。"Butthenwemustrememberthattheperformanceisnotintendedasanentertainment，butasareligiousservice。Tocriticiseanypartofitasuninteresting，islikesayingthathalftheBiblemightverywellhavebeenomitted，andthatthewholestorycouldhavebeentoldinathirdofthespace。"
TUESDAY，THE27TH——CONTINUED
Wetalkon。——AnArgument。——TheStorythatTransformedtheWorld。
"Andnow，astotherightorwrongoftheperformanceasawhole。
Doyouseeanyobjectiontotheplayfromareligiouspointofview？"
"No，"Ireply，"Idonot;nordoIunderstandhowanybodyelse，andleastofallareallybelievingChristian，caneither。Toargueassomedo，thatChristianityshouldbetreatedasasacredmystery，istoargueagainstthewholeschemeofChristianity。ItwasChristhimselfthatrenttheveiloftheTemple，andbroughtreligiondownintothestreetsandmarket-placesoftheworld。Christwasacommonman。Helivedacommonlife，amongcommonmenandwomen。Hediedacommondeath。HisownmethodsofteachingwerewhataSaturdayreviewer，hadhetodealwiththecase，wouldundoubtedlytermvulgar。TherootsofChristianityareplanteddeepdownintheverysoiloflife，amidallthatiscommonplace，andmean，andpetty，andeveryday。Itsstrengthliesinitssimplicity，itshomelyhumanness。Ithasspreaditselfthroughtheworldbyspeakingtothehearts，ratherthantotheheadsofmen。Ifitisstilltoliveandgrow，itmustbehelpedalongbysuchmethodsasthesepeasantplayersofOber-Ammergauemploy，notbyhigh-classessaysandthelearneddiscussionsofthecultured。
"ThecrowdedaudiencethatsatbesideusinthetheatreyesterdaysawChristofNazarethnearerthananybook，howeverinspired，couldbringhimtothem;clearerthananywords，howevereloquent，couldshowhim。Theysawthesorrowofhispatientface。Theyheardhisdeeptonescallingtothem。Theysawhiminthehourofhisso-
calledtriumph，wendinghiswaythroughthenarrowstreetsofJerusalem，themultitudethatthrongedroundhimwavingtheirbranchesofgreenpalmsandshoutingloudhosannas。
"Whatapoorsceneoftriumph！——apoor-clad，pale-facedman，mounteduponthebackofashuffling，unwillinglittlegreydonkey，passingslowlythroughthebywaysofacity，busyuponotherthings。Besidehim，alittlebandofworn，anxiousmen，cladinthread-baregarments——fishermen，pettyclerks，andthelike;and，following，anoisyrabble，shouting，ascrowdsinalllandsandinalltimesshout，andasdogsbark，theyknownotwhy——becauseothersareshouting，orbarking。AndthatscenemarksthehighesttriumphwonwhilehelivedonearthbythevillagecarpenterofGalilee，aboutwhomtheworldhasbeenfightingandthinkingandtalkingsohardforthelasteighteenhundredyears。
"Theysawhim，angryandindignant，drivingoutthedesecratorsfromthetemple。Theysawtherabble，whoafewbriefmomentsbeforehadfollowedhim，shouting’Hosanna，’slinkingawayfromhimtoshoutwithhisfoes。
"Theysawthehighpriestsintheirrobesofwhite，withtherabbisanddoctors，allthegreatandlearnedintheland，sittinglateintothenightbeneaththevaultedroofoftheSanhedrin’scouncil-
hall，plottinghisdeath。
"TheysawhimsuppingwithhisdisciplesinthehouseofSimon。
Theysawpoor，lovingMaryMagdalenwashhisfeetwithcostlyointment，thatmighthavebeensoldforthreehundredpence，andthemoneygiventothepoor——’andus。’Judaswassothoughtfulforthepoor，soeagerthatotherpeopleshouldsellalltheyhad，andgivethemoneytothepoor——’andus。’Methinksthat，eveninthisnineteenthcentury，onecanstillhearfrommanyatubandplatformthevoiceofJudas，complainingofallwaste，andpleadingforthepoor——’andus。’
"TheywerepresentatthepartingofMaryandJesusbyBethany，anditwillbemanyadaybeforethememoryofthatsceneceasestovibrateintheirhearts。Itisthescenethatbringsthehumannessofthegreattragedymostcloselyhometous。JesusisgoingtofacesorrowanddeathatJerusalem。Mary’sinstincttellsherthatthisisso，andshepleadstohimtostay。
"PoorMary！ToothersheistheChrist，theSaviourofmankind，settingforthuponhismightymissiontoredeemtheworld。TolovingMaryMother，heisherson：thebabyshehassuckledatherbreast，thelittleoneshehascroonedtosleepuponherlap，whoselittlecheekhaslainagainstherheart，whoselittlefeethavemadesweetmusicthroughthepoorhomeatBethany：heisherboy，herchild;shewouldwraphermother’sarmsaroundhimandholdhimsafeagainstalltheworld，againstevenheavenitself。
"Never，inanyhumandrama，haveIwitnessedamoremovingscenethanthis。Neverhasthevoiceofanyactress（andIhaveseensomeofthegreatest，ifanygreatonesareliving）stirredmyheartasdidthevoiceofRosaLang，theBurgomaster’sdaughter。Itwasnotthevoiceofonewoman，itwasthevoiceofMotherdom，gatheredtogetherfromalltheworldover。
"OliverWendellHolmes，inTheAutocratoftheBreakfastTable，I
think，confessestohavingbeenbewitchedatdifferenttimesbytwowomen’svoices，andaddsthatboththesevoicesbelongedtoGermanwomen。Iamnotsurprisedateitherstatementofthegooddoctor’s。
Iamsureifamandidfallinlovewithavoice，hewouldfind，ontracingittoitssource，thatitwasthevoiceofsomehomely-
lookingGermanwoman。Ihaveneverheardsuchexquisitesoul-
drawingmusicinmylife，asIhavemorethanonceheardfloatfromthelipsofsomesweet-facedGermanFrauleinwhensheopenedhermouthtospeak。Thevoicehasbeensopure，soclear，sodeep，sofullofsoftcaressingtenderness，sostrongtocomfort，sogentletosoothe，ithasseemedlikeoneofthoseharmoniesmusicianstellusthattheydreamof，butcanneverchaintoearth。
"AsIsatinthetheatre，listeningtothewondroustonesofthismountainpeasant-woman，risingandfallinglikethemurmurofasea，fillingthevastsky-coveredbuildingwiththeiryearningnotes，stirringlikeagreatwindstirsAeolianstrings，thethousandsoftremblingheartsaroundher，itseemedtomethatIwasindeedlisteningtothevoiceofthe’motheroftheworld，’ofmotherNatureherself。
"Theysawhim，astheyhadoftenseenhiminpictures，sittingforthelasttimewithhisdisciplesatsupper。Butyesterdaytheysawhim，notamute，movelessfigure，posedinconventional，meaninglessattitude，butaliving，lovingman，sittinginfellowshipwiththedearfriendsthatagainstalltheworldhadbelievedinhim，andhadfollowedhispoorfortunes，talkingwiththemforthelastsweettime，comfortingthem。
"Theyheardhimblessthebreadandwinethattheythemselvestothisdaytakeinremembranceofhim。
"TheysawhisagonyintheGardenofGethsemane，thehumanshrinkingfromthecupofpain。Theysawthefalsefriend，Judas，betrayhimwithakiss。（Alas！poorJudas！HelovedJesus，inaway，liketherestdid。ItwasonlyhisfearofpovertythatmadehimbetrayhisMaster。Hewassopoor——hewantedthemoneysobadly！WecryoutinhorroragainstJudas。Letusprayratherthatwearenevertemptedtodoashamefulactionforafewpiecesofsilver。Thefearofpovertyeverdid，andeverwill，makescampsofmen。Wewouldliketobefaithful，andnoble，andjust，onlyreallytimesaresobadthatwecannotaffordit！AsBeckySharpsays，itissoeasytobegoodandnobleonfivethousandayear，soveryhardtobeitonthemerefive。IfJudashadonlybeenawell-to-doman，hemighthavebeenSaintJudasthisday，insteadofcursedJudas。Hewasnotbad。Hehadonlyonefailing——thefailingthatmakesthedifferencebetweenasaintandavillain，alltheworldover——hewasacoward;hewasafraidofbeingpoor。）
"Theysawhim，paleandsilent，draggednowbeforethepriestsofhisowncountrymen，andnowbeforetheRomanGovernor，whilethevoiceofthepeople——thepeoplewhohadcried’Hosanna’tohim——
shouted’Crucifyhim！crucifyhim！’Theysawhimbleedingfromthecrownofthorns。Theysawhim，stillfollowedbythebarkingmob，sinkbeneaththeburdenofhiscross。Theysawthewomanwipethebloodysweatfromoffhisface。Theysawthelast，long，silentlookbetweenthemotherandtheson，as，journeyingupwardtohisdeath，hepassedherinthenarrowwaythroughwhichheoncehadriddeninbrief-livedtriumph。Theyheardherlowsobassheturnedaway，leaningonMaryMagdalen。Theysawhimnaileduponthecrossbetweenthethieves。Theysawthebloodstartfromhisside。TheyheardhislastcrytohisGod。Theysawhimrisevictoriousoverdeath。
"FewbelievingChristiansamongthevastaudiencebutmusthavepassedoutfromthatstrangeplayhousewiththeirbeliefandlovestrengthened。TheGodoftheChristian，forhissake，becameaman，andlivedandsufferedanddiedasaman;and，asaman，living，suffering，dyingamongothermen，hehadthatdayseenhim。
"Themanofpowerfulimaginationneedsnoaidfrommimicry，howeverexcellent，howeverreverent，tounrollbeforehiminitssimplegrandeurthegreattragedyonwhichthecurtainfellatCalvarysomeeighteenandahalfcenturiesago。
"Acultivatedmindneedsnostoryofhumansufferingtowinorholdittoafaith。
"Buttheimaginativeandculturedarefewandfarbetween，andthepeasantsofOber-Ammergaucanplead，astheirMasterhimselfoncepleaded，thattheyseeknottohelpthelearnedbutthelowly。
"Theunbeliever，also，passesoutintothevillagestreetfulloffoodforthought。Therudesermonpreachedinthishillsidetemplehasshowntohim，clearerthanhecouldhaveseenbefore，thesecretwhereinliesthestrengthofChristianity;thereasonwhy，ofallthefaithsthatNaturehastaughttoherchildrentohelpthemintheirneed，tosatisfythehungeroftheirsouls，thisfaith，bornbytheSeaofGalilee，hasspreadthefarthestovertheworld，andstruckitsnotethedeepestintohumanlife。Notbyhisdoctrines，notevenbyhispromises，hasChristlaidholdupontheheartsofmen，butbythestoryofhislife。"
TUESDAY，THE27TH——CONTINUED
WeDiscussthePerformance。——AMarvellousPieceofWorkmanship。——
TheAdamFamily。——SomeLivingGroups。——TheChiefPerformers。——AGoodMan，butaBadJudas。——WheretheHistrionicArtistGrowsWild。——AnAlarm！
"AndwhatdoyouthinkoftheperformanceASaperformance？"asksB。
"Oh，astothat，"Ireply，"Ithinkwhateveryonewhohasseentheplaymustthink，thatitisamarvellouspieceofworkmanship。
"Experiencedprofessionalstage-managers，withallthetricksandmethodsofthetheatreattheirfingers’ends，finditimpossible，outofabodyofmenandwomenbornandbredintheatmosphereoftheplayhouse，toconstructacrowdthatlookslikeanythingelseexceptanervousgroupofbroken-downpauperswaitingforsoup。
"AtOber-Ammergauafewvillagepriestsandrepresentativehouseholders，whohaveprobablynever，anyoneofthem，beeninsidethewallsofatheatreintheirlives，dealingwithpeasantswhohavewalkedstraightuponthestagefromtheircarvingbenchesandmilking-stools，produceswayingmultitudesandclamouringmobsanddignifiedassemblages，sonaturalandtruthful，sorealisticoftheoriginalstheyrepresent，thatyoufeelyouwanttoleapuponthestageandstranglethem。